Code of Conduct
by MandyLeigh87
Summary: Disciplined Edward is hired as a bodyguard for Bella, a rebellious teen who is the police commssioner's daughter. Their relationship develops to something they don't expect, revealing inner demons for both. Rated M for language, drug use, and adult things
1. New Job

**A/N: **

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**P.S.A.: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. But this plot is mine so please don't steal it. I work really hard on my stories and it hurts my heart when that happens. I also do not wish to have this story translated. Thanks for the offers.  
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**Bella**

"Am I going to have to worry about you tonight Isabella?" My dad Charlie stood in the doorway, hands on his hips, head hanging. He hated these nights. The ones when he gets called into work. And fortunately for me it happened pretty often. Being the Police Commissioner of Seattle was a busy job and being the Police Commissioner's daughter in the small town we lived in was fucking brutal. Once a guy heard that he was out the door, never to be heard from again.

"Why would you ever ask that Dad?" I smiled to myself, fully aware of the mischief I was about to get into, and took my last bite of my sandwich.

"You know why."

I just grinned at him.

"Kid you are really trying to kill me," he sighed and turned to leave. "Eleazer I'm leaving."

Eleazer was my bodyguard. I know, it's laughable. Especially when you see the man. Eleazer the Geezer would be a more appropriate name. He had to be close to seventy years old. Retired from the FBI. He was a hard ass, no doubt, but if it came down to a chase, he'd be eating my dust.

I turned and started up towards my room.

"I already changed the locks on your windows!" Eleazer shouted. That bastard was a pain in my ass. I was counting down the days until he finally quit. The last one only lasted two weeks. He was nearing the month marker.

"Don't you know that's a fire hazard!" I shouted, scrambling up the stairs. I slammed the door behind me and pressed the lock.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I smiled.

"Jake."

"Bells. Are you ready?" I could hear his rickety car in the background.

"Almost. Charlie just left."

"What about the old man?"

I leaned over close to my mirror and wiped at my makeup.

"Not a problem."

"Okay I'm just pulling up now."

"I'll be out in a minute."

I hung up and grabbed my purse before taking a look at these new measures Eleazer had set up. Not too bad. I had to admit the old man sure put up a fight to keep me in line. But I was one person that wasn't meant to be tamed.

I spun around rummaged in my desk for my tool kit. It took me less than a minute to pop the lock off. I swung my legs over the windowsill and started shimmying down the drainpipe. Not as easy as they make it look in the movies. I'd ripped my pants off more than once. Not that I can say that the boys minded.

I glanced over my shoulder about halfway down and stuck my tongue out at Jake, who was laughing hysterically at my display. I finally made my way down and started running towards Jake's car. He'd parked far enough away and turned the lights off so Geezer wouldn't see us.

"I'd give it a 6," Jake said as I got in the car, nodding towards the drainpipe.

"Fuck you it was brilliant." I closed the door and he started the car up.

The front door whipped open a moment later and Eleazer was out on the porch, down the steps, and starting to run after us. I wasn't quite sure what he was planning to do. I don't care if he was a fucking Gold Medalist in track, we were in a soon to be moving vehicle that wasn't going to stop for anyone. I laughed as Jake jerked his car into gear and sent us sailing into a spin, dirt and pebbles spraying out. I managed to flip Eleazer the bird before we disappeared out of sight.

I turned my eyes to Jake as I felt his hand rest on my thigh. I felt that familiar fire burning deep in the pit of my stomach. Jake and I weren't dating. He was actually my best friend. But we were more of friends with benefits. We fucked around a lot, but we didn't need that extra baggage of being in a relationship. In all honesty, I don't think we'd work that way and I was fine with that. My eyes raked over his body, only imagining what I was going to be doing to it in a few hours.

"Later…" Jake winked, obviously aware of my wandering eyes.

We drove for a while and turned down a small winding driveway. The cars were lined up along the side the whole way down to the house. I could hear the music before I could see the lights from the house.

Jake parked the car and we started towards the house. He started towards the bar and got us both a drink.

"Bella. Didn't know if you'd make it tonight. Heard your old man ripped you a new one for last time." Mike walked over and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Please Mike." I laughed and took a sip of my drink. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warm feeling coursing down my throat.

"Hey guys! I stole some of my brother's weed, who wants some?" Jessica waved the little bag in front of us. I could smell it and immediately wanted in.

"How much do you want for it?" I asked, finishing the rest of my drink.

"How much?" Jessica giggled. That bitch could be so annoying sometimes.

"All of it."

Her eyes widened for a moment as she tried to stammer out a response.

"How about you just take this?" I pulled the wad of cash out of my pocket and took the bag out of her hand, replacing it with the money. "It's way more than it should be, don't worry."

I turned around and reached out for Jake. We started towards the front door, grabbing a bottle of liquor along the way.

I stumbled down the porch steps, falling down onto my hands and knees into the dirt. I can't blame it all on the alcohol, I was a clumsy ass. Jake laughed and helped me up. We slowly made our way out to his car, falling all over each other the whole way.

He took a few sips out of the liquor bottle while I pulled out the bag and started rolling a joint. I smiled as I finished and brought it to my lips, lighting it with a match from his glove compartment. The car started to fill with smoke and I could only imagine the contact high Jake was feeling. I tried to roll my window down to get a little fresh air.

"That one doesn't work."

I smiled and crawled over, leaning my body over his and reaching for his window and cranking it down.

"Gimme that," I said, grabbing for the bottle of liquor. He handed it over willingly and I felt his eyes linger over the sliver of exposed skin between my shirt and the top of my jeans.

"Gimme that." He licked his lips and bent down to place a wet kiss on right above the dimples of my lower back.

I grinned and glanced back at him. I brought my legs over to his side of the car and straddled his lap.

"This is a little difficult to do in the front seat." I whispered, intentionally bumping my butt against his steering wheel. The horn echoed out.

"We made it work before."

"It's only a hop, skip and a jump to the backseat."

His fingers started roaming over my body.

"I can't wait that long." His eyes were dark as they stared into mine and I knew I was lost to him now. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled my face to his, biting down gently on my bottom lip. I groaned in response and let my hands move down his rock hard abs and down to his jeans.

I woke up the next morning with what I thought, or hoped was the stick shift poking me in the ass. And I was right unless Jake was having a wet dream about last night. I squinted into the light and stretched the best that I could in the Matchbox car. I jumped as something tapped on the window. I clung to Jake and turned around.

"Oh shit…" I said as Charlie opened the car door.

"Oh shit is right. And watch your mouth." Charlie grabbed me and pulled me out of the car. "Go home Jake."

Jake didn't argue and started his car. He never argued with my dad. Mostly because his dad was best friends with my dad. And Billy could be a dick if he wanted to be. Almost bigger than the one who had hold of my collar at the moment.

"Get in the car." He opened the door for me and I sat down. We were silent for most of the way home. He only spoke as we pulled into our garage. "Eleazer quit last night. He's gone already. Said something about getting pebbles in all the wrong places." His fingers tapped anxiously on the steering wheel.

"Thank God. I'm an adult, I don't need a babysitter anymore." I started to get out of the car.

"Stay. Put." Charlie said. "You are not eighteen for a few months Isabella. And you are far from the maturity of an adult so don't give me that shit. You know why you need one."

"Yeah, yeah. You're the Commissioner of Police, and you have a lot of enemies in the crime world, blah, blah, blah. So when is the next clown arriving?"

"He's here."

My hand froze on the door handle. He's here? That was fucking quick.

"Wanna take bets on how long he's gonna last?" I laughed.

"I think you'll have a hard time pushing this one away. He's put up with a lot more than any of the others."

Great. I thought. Just like I needed another pain in my ass, which was throbbing at the moment from Jake's stick shift.

**Edward**

It was 5:45 in the morning. I was wide-awake. I quickly shut off my alarm clock before jumping out of bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, straightening it out a little. It didn't help. It had a mind of its own. I sat back down on the bed and reached under to get my tennis shoes.

By six I was out and running. Five miles a day. Sure it wasn't necessary anymore, I doubted I was ever going back there. But it gave me something to do. Something to keep my mind on other than…

There was something about the morning that I loved. Everything was quiet. Still. And not in an eerie sense like I was used to. It was almost untouchable. I ran around the neighborhood and turned down a narrow dirt path leading right into the forest. It was my usual route, the one I took every morning. I found it the day after I got back, relieved to finally get away from everyone. I know they were just trying to be nice, but if one more person looked at me with that look of pity I was going to loose it. It happened and I had to deal with it. And to be honest I wasn't dealing with it so well.

I tried to clear my head of everything and just focus on my breathing as I made my way through the woods. I was back at my house and showered by eight.

I stood in my bathroom, wrapped in a towel and brushing my teeth when my phone rang. I groaned and spit my toothpaste out before I walked over and picked it up. It wasn't a number I recognized and normally I wouldn't have answered, but I did.

"Hello?"

"Uh. Hi. Is this Edward?" The man on the other line sounded a little weary.

"Yes. Who's this?"

"This is Police Commissioner Charlie Swan. I got your name from your father."

"Carlisle?" He wasn't really my father. He and his wife Esme adopted me when I was little. My parents died in a car accident.

"Yeah. He said you might be looking for some work?"

"Uh…Maybe. Why?"

"I'm looking for a…bodyguard for my daughter."

"I'm sorry sir I'm not a babysitter…" I started to hang up.

"Please. Just…listen. I'm desperate. And I don't say that very often. My daughter is a handful and I can't be with her all the time. She needs looking after, I've got some enemies that would love to see me hurt. And she's pretty much the only way they could."

"Commissioner Swan. I'm really sorry, but I don't think I'm your guy."

"Listen Edward. I know…about what happened to you. All these other guys I've hired couldn't cut it. I know you can. I can offer you a more than generous salary and we also have a guest house that you can stay in."

I looked around my dingy apartment and contemplated how much a Police Commissoner makes. Had to be better than this. How hard could it be to take care of a little girl? I sighed and shook my head, not believing that I was actually going to do this.

"Okay I'll do it. When do you want me there?"

"Can you come today?"

"Today? Uh…where are you?"

"Forks."

So that's how he knew Carlisle. He was one of the doctors at the hospital in Forks. My brother moved back there with him when we got back.

I scratched my head and looked at the clock.

"I can be there a couple of hours. I need to get some stuff together and take care of some business here."

"Sure. I'll text you the address so you have it."

"Okay sure thing."

"And Edward?"

My finger lingered over the end button. "Yeah?"

"Thanks. I really appreciate you doing this."

"No problem. I'll see you in a few."

I hung up the phone and pulled a bag out from underneath my bed. I didn't have many possessions so I wouldn't need to pack up much. Just the essentials. I rented pretty much everything else from my landlord. I went downstairs and knocked on his door to let him know I was leaving, but he didn't answer. So I slipped my last month's payment under his door with a note saying he could rent the apartment out. I didn't know when I'd be back. Or if I'd be back.

The drive to Forks wasn't bad. I contemplated on whether I should stop in and say "Hi" to my family. I was pretty close with my brother Emmett, so I decided I should.

Esme ran out onto the porch as soon as she saw my car pull up, a huge grin across her face. It was impossible not to love her. She was the kindest person I've ever met in my life.

"Edward! What are you doing here? We weren't expecting you were we?" She started down the steps and wrapped me in a hug.

"No, no. It was a little unexpected. But I'm kind of moving back here. Sorta."

"Oh that's wonderful sweetheart. I'll go make up your room. We've been using it as a storage room for a while now, but it won't take long…"

"No Esme. Thank you but I won't be staying here."

"You took the job?" She smiled.

"I did. Just wanted to stop in and see you before I headed over there."

I held the door open for her and we stepped inside the house.

"Is that my little Bro?" Emmett started down the stairs and put his arm around me. "I miss you being around bud. You should come around more often. You staying for dinner?"

"No I can't. I'm taking a job with the Police Commissioner and I've got to get over there."

"You're not the new babysitter are you?" He smirked.

"Bodyguard. Not babysitter."

"Wow. She's a pistol Edward I hope you can handle her."

"I'm sure I can handle a little kid Emmett."

"Little kid?" He laughed. "Yeah. I'm sure you can." He slapped my shoulder and continued laughing to himself. I felt like I was in the dark on some kind of joke.

"Sweetie can't you stay for just a little bit?" Esme popped her head around the corner.

"No. I'm sorry. I told him I'd be there in about ten minutes. I don't want to be late."

"Of course. It's okay. I'm just happy we'll be seeing you more often." She ran over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey Edward why don't you give me a call later? Let me know how your first day went with the little one." Emmett laughed again. I wanted to deck him but I didn't have time. What was he hiding from me?

"Will do." I nodded and headed out the door.

Charlie's place was easy enough to find. I guess the large gate at the front kind of gave it away. I rolled down my window and glanced at the intercom. I had no idea how to do this. You'd think with my experience a simple intercom would be easy.

"Edward?" I jumped as a voice came in loud over the speaker. "Press the green button and talk."

"Yeah," I said, holding it down.

"I'll let you in. Veer to the right when the driveway parts and that'll take you down to the guesthouse and the garage where you can park your car."

There was a loud buzzing noise and the gate swung open. I started driving down the long driveway. It parted just like he said, but not before I saw the mammoth house. It was nice. Nicer than my parent's house, which was hard to do. Esme had immaculate taste and on a doctor's salary anything was possible. I continued down the path and came to a much more modest, but still just as nice house. It was more like a cottage with a small rock path leading up to the front door. A small garage sat to the side of it, which I assumed was what Charlie mentioned, so I pulled my car in and shut it off. I grabbed my bag out of the trunk and started inside. I wasn't sure if I should just…go in, but the door was unlocked so I ventured inside.

It was modest, clean. I didn't need much so it was perfect. A small leather couch sat in front of a stone fireplace, a small plasma television in the corner. The hardwood floors extended all through. It was almost like one big studio apartment. An almost sheer room divider hid most of the bed along the wall. The kitchen was to the right and was big enough for just me. I set my bag down on the bed and started putting my clothes away in the drawers. I spun around when I heard a knock on the door. A tall man with an overpowering mustache stepped in and smiled slightly.

"Edward. I'm Charlie." He extended his hand and I shook it.

"Nice to meet you."

"I see you've found your way around. If you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask. This is your home now too. We have someone that comes in and cleans every week so don't worry about washing your sheets or anything." He puts his hands on his hips, racking his mind for anything else.

"So is your daughter here? I'd like to meet her." I closed the bottom drawer.

"Um. She's not here at the moment. I'm about to go pick her up. But I was hoping we could just talk about a few things before you meet." He gestured to the small bar in the kitchen and took a seat on one of the stools.

"Now I understand that you're…younger than most of the employees I've had in this position, and obviously a lot closer to my daughter's age. So I understand that you may be more of…almost friends than she was with her other bodyguards. I'm actually hoping for it**.** From what I hear you're a pretty stand up guy and maybe she could benefit from spending time with you. But I just need you to remember to maintain a professional relationship with her. And that your job comes before anything else. "

"Of course sir."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. "This is a key to the main house and your house, as well as both garages." He hands me a few keys. "There's an intercom in the main rooms of the house, as well as my room and my daughter's room. There is one in this guest house, it's by the front door. The code to get into the front gate is 0913. That is not to be shared with anyone, is that understood?"

I nodded.

"Alright I'm going to go get her now. I'll let you know when we're back. Feel free to roam around the main house or the grounds, we have some beautiful gardens and meadows on the property. Just make sure to have your phone on you if you aren't in here."

"Sure thing." I smiled as he stood up and left.

I took a short walk outside, just to get familiar with the layout of the property. It would be decent for running in the morning. The gardens were as beautiful as Charlie had said, and there was even a small patch of woods towards the back. I made my way back to the guesthouse and laid down on the couch to rest my eyes for a moment. I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until I felt the grainy sand brushing across my face.

"I can't see anything!" Felix yelled. The truck was rocking all over the place. It was the worst sandstorm we'd seen since we'd been here.

"We've just got to make it back to camp. It's just over that hill there." Demetri shined the light ahead, trying to help Felix see.

I sat in the back, gazing out over the land we'd just come from, watching for any sign of them. Of anything. It was my job. And then it hit.

I jumped awake and realized I was back in the guesthouse. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, trying to shake away the memory. Two beeps made my head spin around.

"Edward. We're back. Could you come up to the house please?"

I shuffled over to the intercom and pushed the green button.

"Sure thing, I'll be right up."

I slipped my shoes on and started up to the house. There was a stairway up from the guesthouse to the back of the main house. I followed the path around to the front and stepped in the front door.

"Charlie?"

"Yeah Edward come on in." He appeared from what looked like the kitchen and stood at the bottom of the staircase. "Isabella come down here please!" His voice was harsh. I couldn't imagine being so cross with a little girl.

My jaw dropped as a fully grown teenage girl stomped down the stairs. I now understood what Emmett was laughing about. She was…beautiful. Soft face, the biggest brown eyes I've seen, and her lips. Even with her makeup smeared all to hell she was beautiful. But none of that mattered. Even if I wasn't here to do my job, I was way too messed up for anyone right now.

"Isabella, this is your new bodyguard Edward."

"Edward this is Isabella."

Isabella cocked an eyebrow my way, like she was almost as surprised as I was.

"Hi." I managed to stutter out.

"Hi yourself." She smiled.

"Why don't you show Edward around the house? It'll give you two some time to get to know each other."

Isabella sighed, like she was incredibly annoyed by the suggestion.

"Oh that's really not necessary." I shook my head, not wanting to cause any rift.

"No it's fine," Isabella said. "Right this way…" She gestured extravagantly towards the kitchen. "So….this is the kitchen."

"I think the fridge gave it away," I said, smiling her way. She seemed nice enough. Maybe a little sarcastic, but I could handle that.

She grinned and continued through the house, avoiding the upstairs where I assumed her bedroom was. My jaw dropped for the second time when we entered the basement. There was a full blown workout room occupying almost half of it. I found where I'd be spending most of my time. They even had a few punching bags in the corner.

"You like it?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"I think your smile gave it away," she joked and sat down on the weight bench. I decided it was the right time to talk with her about the whole…situation we had, so I sat down beside her.

"So I just wanted to clear the air with this whole...bodyguard thing. I don't know what the hell you do to piss your dad off so much, but I'm here to do a job. I don't want it to be uncomfortable between us, I mean you're…how old?"

"Almost legal," she winked. I gulped hard.

"Okay and I understand that you aren't a little kid. Even though I'll admit I thought I was coming to babysit an eight year old, which you are clearly not."

"Clearly."

"So just…work with me here and I'll do my best not to hover okay?"

"Deal." She leaned forward. "So how old are you?"

"Uh…I turned twenty one last summer."

"Sweet. You can buy us booze."

I gave her a stern hard look, but she just smiled.

"I'll take that as a no." She got up and started upstairs. I had a bad feeling. Like I was getting in way over my head. This girl was going to be difficult. I got up and followed her up the stairs.

"Um. Thanks for the tour."

"No problem. Stop by anytime." She winked and disappeared up to the second floor.

I sighed and started back towards the guesthouse, completely stressed out already.

"I need a run," I whispered, breaking into a jog and vanishing into the trees.


	2. Peeping Bella

**A/N: So I hope everyone liked the first chapter. If you did please remember the 3 R's of fanfiction. Read, review and recommend. I'd really appreciate it : ) Also I hate it when stories only have one chapter so that's why I'm posting this. Maybe if I get A LOT of good reviews I'll be able to churn out another one soon.**

**Bella**

I was dreaming. You want to know how I knew? I was five years old and with my mother. It was the last time I ever remembered her doing something nice for me. We were sitting on the swing set in our backyard and she reached over and softly caressed my face.

"My Bella baby…" She said softly. Her eyes drifted behind me, where a small patch of wild flowers grew. She smiled and reached behind, plucking a purple one from the ground and sticking it behind my ear. I laughed and reached for it, pulling it from my hair and bringing it to my nose, inhaling deeply. It was the most perfect day I've ever had with her.

After that my relationship with my mother went to shit. Some days I wonder if that last day with her is even real. It becomes more distant and cloudy every moment. All of my other memories are filled with screaming, yelling, endless fights. Reprimands from her and her asshole of a husband Phil.

When I was fifteen she kicked me out of the house for the first time. I think that was when she found out Phil had been sneaking into my room at night, but she'd never admit it. At first he would just lie down next to me and softly run his fingers down my cheek as I tried to sleep. But it got worse.

I fought him off at first, screaming and crying, telling him no. But he wouldn't stop. I told myself I'd never let him…you know. It became one of my biggest fears that I would wake up in the middle of the night and he'd be on top of me, and I'd be unable to stop it. So I did everything I could to avoid it.

I started sneaking out at night. And to be honest the people who are out at that time aren't the best kinds of people. I got into things I shouldn't have gotten into. Charlie got involved when I got arrested for underage drinking. I couldn't tell him why. I was so embarrassed and the last person I wanted to talk about it with was my dad.

He petitioned the court for sole custody and my mom didn't put up much of a fight. Her and Phil still live in Phoenix but I haven't gotten a damn Christmas or Birthday card since I moved here. It's been two years and I can't seem to let my old life go. It was like my safety net. And even thought I knew I had nothing to fear here, it was still hard.

The last night in the house, Phil tried to sneak in one last time. And I knew exactly what he wanted to do. I pulled the covers close to my head as I heard the door handle turn, praying that my lock would hold. It didn't. He burst in and started towards my bed. I jumped up in a panic, whipping around, looking for anything that I could use to protect myself. I spotted my tennis racket that I'd never used before and grabbed it, swinging at Phil's head. It knocked him out cold, thank God. I packed up the rest of my stuff that night and took an earlier flight to Seattle. I wasn't staying in that Hell house one more minute.

Sure Charlie and I had our differences. I was a pain in the ass and I knew that. But he loved me and I loved him and we had this silent understanding of that.

I rolled over in my bed, trying to shake all the bad thoughts away. I had nights like these sometimes. Where I just couldn't get away from them, from him. I had to remind myself that I was hundreds of miles away almost everyday.

I finally gave up any chance of sleeping in and stumbled out of bed. The sun was just starting to come up; I could see the red tint through my curtains. I made my way to the window and pulled them aside, hoping to see most of the sunrise. And I did. It was beautiful. The orange glow started as a sliver across the grass and eventually crawled inch by inch across the entire yard.

Something caught my eye. To the right. I opened my window and peeked my head out to get a better look. I gasped when I saw Edward emerge from the small patch of woods towards the back of the property. His grey shirt was absolutely soaked with sweat. Not that I planned on doing anything about it, but he was gorgeous. Like Grade A, top choice, movie star meat. There was something mysterious about him, like he had some deep dark secret to tell.

He slowed his run to a jog and stopped in front of his door, wiping at his forehead. His shoulders were heaving up and down as he bent over and put his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. He finally walked in his house, closing the door behind him.

I decided to go and make myself some breakfast, I'd been craving scrambled eggs since three this morning.

Just as I turned, Edward stepped in front of his window. I turned my eyes back towards him, tilting my head to the side. My mouth dropped open when he lifted his shirt over his head. The muscles in his back rose with each movement, creating shadows along the planes of his skin.

"Oh my God…" I whispered to myself, biting down on my bottom lip and resting my elbows on the windowsill. My knees nearly buckled when he reached for the top of his sweatpants.

I should look away, I told myself. I should look away, this isn't right. And then he pulled them down.

"This is so right…" I smiled a little to myself. When he turned to face me I felt my breath hitch in my throat. "So Edward Cullen….that's what you're working with. Impressive." His stomach was the definition of perfect. I could see the bulges of his abs from all the way up here. They culminated down to the hard "V" that led down to his… My lips quivered.

I swear to God it was almost like he heard me because his eyes shot up right at me. They widened as he yanked at the curtains and I fell to the ground in panic. He saw me. I'm officially a Peeping Tom. Shit.

"Bella?"

"Gah!" My hands flew up as I screamed in surprise.

"What the hell are you doing on the floor?"

"I…." I looked down at the carpet, searching for some excuse other than I was ogling my naked bodyguard. A small flickering caught my eye. "I dropped my earring?" I picked up the tiny earring, the one I'd been looking for for weeks, and held it up to Charlie.

"Oh. Okay I'm going to work. I'll be back for dinner."

"What do you want tonight?"

"Whatever honey. Your choice." He smiled and turned to leave.

Dinner was kind of me and my dad's thing. He wasn't much of a cook and it was something I actually enjoyed doing. He wasn't always home for dinner…actually he was rarely ever home for dinner. But Monday nights were our nights. He was always home. And I always made something special.

I started downstairs, pulling my hair into a ponytail as I went. Alice and Jasper were coming over later, so I had to keep myself occupied until then. After I made myself breakfast I trudged back upstairs, took one look at the mountain of laundry accumulating in my closet and decided today was laundry day. It took me five trips to get it all down to the laundry room in the basement. I was thankful for once that my Dad had the crazy idea of buying two washers. At the time I thought he was absolutely insane. Why the hell does anyone need two washers? He's the Police Commissioner, not the maid at the Hilton. I opened the first washer and put as many clothes as I could get in there. When I went to open the second one, I was surprised to see some sopping wet clothes already in there. There was no way in hell Charlie would do his own laundry. He always left it for the cleaning lady on Thursdays.

I reached in and pulled out the first article I could grasp. It was a pair of boxer-briefs, definitely not Charlie's. Or I prayed that they weren't because a daughter holding onto their father's underwear was wrong on so many levels.

Someone cleared their throat behind me and I spun around, dropping them onto the floor. Edward bent down and picked them up before transferring the rest of his clothes to the dryer.

"Sorry…" I mumbled. I couldn't tell if he was pissed or felt as completely awkward as I did about earlier. I was going to go with the latter.

"No harm done." He slammed the dryer shut and left the room without another word.

I finished my laundry in silence. Edward came in a little later to get his out of the dryer, but he didn't say much to me. Was this as awkward as I thought it was? Did he feel it too? Because I felt so uncomfortable that I wanted to rush upstairs and hide in my room.

I sighed a breath of relief when I heard the door upstairs open. Jasper and Alice must be here. I picked up my hamper and started upstairs.

"Bells?" Jazz shouted up the stairs. My guess was Alice was already up in my room.

"I'm here Jasper." I huffed and made my way around the corner. He took in my distress and quickly walked over to grab my hamper. "Thanks." I smiled and we continued upstairs. Alice was sitting on my window ledge smoking.

"Alice…" Jasper scolded. He hated that she smoked. Too be honest so did I. I did a little Mary Jane every now and then but no cigarettes for me.

Jasper set my hamper down by my closet and went over to take the cigarette out of Alice's fingers. He threw it to the patio below.

"Baby. You promised me you'd try." He bent down and kissed her cheek.

"I know. I'm sorry." She laced her fingers with his and gave him an apologetic smile.

I flopped down on my bed and tried to shake Edward from my thoughts. I had enough problems getting his body out of my mind but now he's acting all weird. I can't deal with this shit.

"I'm going to go make a sandwich. Do you guys want anything?" Jasper started towards the hallway. Alice and I both shook our heads.

I walked over and gave her a hug. She was my best friend and I haven't seen her a couple of days. We weren't used to that. She was either with Jasper or with me, most of the time both of us. She hugged me back and felt her laugh a little against me. And then she gasped.

"Al?" I pulled back to make sure she was okay. Her eyes were on fire as she stared outside. I turned my head and sighed. Edward.

"Who is that?" She pointed out to Edward's form, which was walking out towards the flower gardens.

"My new bodyguard."

"He can guard my body any day."

I slapped her playfully. "You're taken."

"True. But you aren't." She smiled. "Speaking of that. I thought you were going to stop this whole…thing you have with Jake."

"Why should I? It's fun and I have no reason to stop."

"That is reason enough for me." She tilted her head towards Edward, who disappeared behind the trees.

"Even if my dad wasn't his boss, I don't think that'd be happening."

"You don't think he's cute?"

"No he's gorgeous. I just don't think he'd be interested. And plus he's been avoiding me all day."

"Why?"

I blushed a little. "I kind of saw him…naked this morning."

Her eyes widened and she grinned. "Excellent."

"It was an accident. And he saw me and probably thinks I'm some kind of pervert or something. He'll probably never talk to me again. He looked so embarrassed."

"Well not like he has anything to be embarrassed about…but maybe you should return the favor?" She kinked an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"Well you can obviously see his room from here, which means he can see yours too. Give him a little show later. I'm sure he'll get over his embarrassment quick."

Jasper appeared again with a plate and a glass of juice.

"So what are we talking about?"

"Bella banging her bodyguard…" Alice giggled.

"Did you really?" Jasper froze. "Isn't he…like…old?"

"Old News Jazz. Geezer quit a couple nights ago. I've got me a new babysitter."

"You better not. Charlie will shit and die." He took a big bite of his sandwich.

"What Charlie doesn't know won't hurt him…" Alice snickered. She really could be a diabolical little thing when she wanted to. And you'd never expect it. She was the most innocent looking person I've ever seen.

"Anyway moving on…" I laughed and tried to change the subject, but my eyes floated momentarily to the window wondering what he was doing out there. He seemed a little too content by himself, a sadness about him. And I was determined to find out what that was.

**Edward**

I started down the path that ran along the edge of the woods, kicking some rocks along the dirt thinking about this morning. I felt the blood rush to my face just thinking about it. It was so early, I never thought anyone would be up. Not that leaving your curtains open while you walk around naked was ever a good idea, but it wasn't something that struck me as important at that hour.

I'd just gone for my morning run. It was nice to have a change. The paths in these woods were so different than the ones I was used to. I even stumbled across a deer drinking from a small creek. I smiled to myself as I returned to my house, feeling exhausted and alive at the same time. I bent over, resting my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. I could feel my lungs filling completely with each breath and the twitching of my muscles. That was the sign of a good workout. Maybe tomorrow I'd try and break in the weight room in the main house. It didn't look like it got much use.

I stepped inside and started the shower. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out some clothes for the day before starting over towards the couch. I sat down and undid my tennis shoes. As I walked over to set them by the door I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it over towards my bed. Without another thought I grabbed at my sweatpants and pulled them down, throwing them over with my shirt. I suddenly became quite conscious of the sun shining down on my body and had the overwhelming feeling that I was being watched. I spun around and nearly had a heart attack when I saw. Bella's eyes widened with shock before she disappeared from sight. I grabbed desperately for the curtains and pulled them shut.

"Dammit…" I whispered to myself, trying to steady my breathing. Flashing the boss's daughter was probably not a good thing for a new job. I promised myself that I'd be a little more conscious from now on. Hopefully it wouldn't be weird when I saw her again.

It was weird. So damn terrible. I thought doing my laundry would be a good way to avoid her, at least for the day. I hadn't had a chance to do it before I left. And then I come in to find her holding a pair of my boxers. I tried to shake it off like it was nothing and get out of there as soon as possible. When I got back to my place I had nothing to do but sit there. And all I could think about was her. I sat down and ran my fingers through my hair. This was brutal. I'd been through a lot in my life, but this mind thing going on with her was unbearable. I got up and walked out the door, deciding to go for a walk to clear my head.

I glanced briefly up at her window and saw a small, dark haired girl sitting at the window. I didn't recognize her and thought maybe I should go check on Bella, but then I saw Bella walk over and hug her so I assumed everything was okay.

The path finally broke away to a small clearing. Purple wildflowers lined the edge and tall grass filled the inside. I found a tall tree by the edge and sat down, leaning my head back against the trunk. My fingers instinctively drifted up my arm and to the chains dangling around my neck. One for Demetri. One for Felix. One for me. They were the only things I really had left of them. My fingers brushed over their names engraved in the metal. My eyes felt wet, stinging as the tears slid down my face. I felt like a coward for crying. I was supposed to be strong. That's what a solider was supposed to be. Never show emotion. Never intimidated, never afraid. But in that moment I was intimidated, and I was afraid all because of that girl back at the house. I've only known her for two days and she's already got me coming undone at the seams.

I got up and started back to the house, picking a random flower along the way and running it through my fingers. I looked at my guesthouse and bypassed it for the main house. I should probably apologize to Bella. I think she was as embarrassed as I was this morning and I don't think I helped the situation today.

The house was quiet, and for a moment I thought no one was home. And then I heard the soft humming coming from the kitchen. I slowly peeked my head around the corner. Bella was standing at the stovetop, swaying her hips and singing lightly to herself. I quickly turned away and started up the stairs, almost tiptoeing so I didn't make any noise. There were three doors, all white down the hallway. I approached the one with a "B" painted in black on the front, deciding it must be Bella's, and stuck the wildflower around her door handle. I smiled and started back downstairs.

"What are you doing?"

I froze. Bella stood at the bottom of the stairs with her hands on her hips.

"Uhhh…"

She groaned and pulled her phone out of her pocket. I didn't even hear it ring, but I was thankful that it did. I had no idea what I was going to say.

"Hey Dad…" She sighed and walked back into the kitchen. I followed her and sat down in one of the chairs.

"Yeah I'm just finishing it now, when will you be home?" She listened for a moment and then her face fell. Her eyes darted my way. "Oh. Okay…" She closed her eyes tight and shook her head. "No it's fine...I said it's fine!" She took the phone down from her ear and put it back in her pocket. She glared at me for a moment before going back to whatever she was cooking.

"God! Can't he just make the effort one night a week? One night!" She threw down the spoon she was holding. The red sauce splattered across the counter. She picked it back up and started back at her work before she glanced at me. "Sorry."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "No. It's our dinner night. Every Monday I make dinner and we sit down and eat. Like a real family. And he blew me off again." She looked down at the pot. "Now I have all this food. What the hell am I going to do with it?"

I smiled and cleared my throat. "Well if you need….you know someone to eat your delicious smelling food…I guess I could do it. I mean it's going to be tough, but if someone has to do it, I'll volunteer myself."

She tried to fight a smile, but a small smirk formed on her lips. She reached over and grabbed a couple of plates and glasses.

"It's spaghetti. I hope that's okay?" She started loading one of the plates with noodles.

"Sounds perfect." I smiled as she poured some steaming sauce over the noodles and placed the plate in front of me.

"Oh! Fork." She spun around and pulled a fork from the drawer. "Here. Do you want some wine?"

I cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh come on you know I drink. Get over it." She grabbed a bottle of wine and uncorked it.

"Fine. Just a little bit though." I started digging in. It was delicious. You wouldn't be able to tell by looking at her, but this girl was an amazing cook. "This is really good. Really…really good."

"Thanks." She grabbed a plate and sat down next to me. We ate in silence, the comfortable feeling we'd felt before slowly dissipating. The weird feeling from earlier was creeping in slowly but surely.

I set my fork down on my clean plate and took the last sip of my wine. Do I just get up and leave? Stay and wait until she says something? I glanced over at her. She was pushing her food around on her plate.

"So…" I sat back and placed my hands over my stomach. I don't think I've ever eaten so much in my life.

"Edward I'm sorry."

"About what?" I turned my body towards hers.

"About this morning." I stopped when I realized what she was talking about.

"Oh. It's okay. That was my fault not yours. I should be apologizing after subjecting you to that torture." I laughed to try and lighten the mood.

"It wasn't that torturous. If it makes you feel any better I can take my shirt off right now to ease your embarrassment." She laughed and then stopped abruptly, like she'd caught herself saying too much. I felt the blush rise into my cheeks. She cleared her throat. "So what's your story Edward?"

I got up and rinsed my plate before putting it in the dishwasher. She followed close behind me, brushing softly across my arm as she passed. I looked at her as I felt her skin touch mine. Was that really possible? That…spark that they always talk about when you meet someone special. If I believed in it I could have sworn I just felt it.

She quickly set her dishes down and made her way back to the counter, pouring herself another glass of wine and pulling herself up on the counter. She smiled and patted the spot next to her.

"Come on. I won't bite." She joked.

I smiled and sauntered over, effortlessly pulling myself up to sit beside her. She looked at me expectantly.

"Well?" She edged.

"Um… I grew up in Forks. I was adopted when I was younger by the Cullens…"

"Wait your parents are the Cullens? Isn't he some bigwig Doctor up at the hospital?"

"Yeah."

"Huh." She took a long sip of her wine.

"I have an older brother who still lives here and I just now moved back."

"And where were you before just now?" She smiled, but I felt my chest start to tighten.

I looked down at my hands, trying to avoid it. "Elsewhere."

When I looked back up at her, her mouth was in a hard line, her forehead wrinkled in confusion. She didn't press the issue further.

"Well I think I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight. And thank you. For dinner. And I'm sorry again, about this morning. It won't happen again."

"No problem." She drank the rest of her wine and started upstairs.

I made my way back to the guesthouse and changed into my sweats and a t-shirt, making sure I was far enough away from the open window. I yawned and walked slowly over to the window to close the curtains, but my hands froze on the fabric. My eyes instantly went to Bella's window. Her curtains were open, the light from her room shining down onto the grass below. I blinked a few times as she moved directly in front of the window, I could swear her eyes stared directly into mine. And then she reached for the top button on her shirt.

"Oh God…" I whispered. I shook my head adamantly, hoping she would get the message that this wasn't necessary and definitely not appropriate. She just smiled bigger and started for the next button.

Close the curtain Edward. Just. Close. The curtain. But my hand wouldn't move. And I wasn't even paying attention to her fingers as they moved quickly down the front of her shirt. My eyes stayed in constant contact with hers. They were teasing me more than her body ever could. I looked down and sighed as she started to pull the shirt off her shoulders. When I looked back up she was laughing, probably at how mortified I was right now, with her shirt still on.

She gave a smile and wave before leaving the window and turning out her light. I closed my curtains and got into bed, wondering how in the hell this was ever going to end well. I should quit. Tomorrow. This was crossing a line that should not be crossed. The worst part was that I think I liked it.


	3. Sneaking Out

**A/N: Just a few things. First of all there is a playlist for this story. There's a link on my profile. I may add to it occassionally but so far that's all folks. Also....actually maybe that's it. : )**

**Edward**

5:45 in the morning. I'm wide-awake. But for the first time in awhile I actually slept good. No nightmares, no waking up in the middle of the night. No screaming. I get up and go for my usual run, take a shower and start making breakfast.

I open my fridge for the first time and see it's fully stocked. I pull out some eggs and a fry pan. The stove heats up quickly and I pour a little milk in my eggs before I empty the bowl into the pan. It crackles and sizzles a little at first and I keep my eyes fixed on them, using the spatula to move them back and forth. The two beeps of the intercom made me jump. I turned the stove off and set the eggs aside before going over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Good morning Edward. I'm glad you're up, I was hoping not to wake you."

"I'm kind of a morning person sir."

"Well good. Can you come up to the house? I'd like to talk to you about some things before I go to work. I'm in my office."

"Yep. Be right there."

I took one glance at my eggs and walked out the door.

I smiled as I walked into Charlie's office. He was sitting at his desk, scribbling on some paper.

"Close the door please." He said sternly.

I felt the panic start to rise up in my throat. Did he know about yesterday? About last night? I know it was inappropriate but I never planned on it happening again.

"Have a seat…" He gestured to one of the overstuffed chairs in front of his desk and finished what he was writing. He finally looked up at me and his expression softened, granting a sigh of relief from me. He didn't know.

"I just wanted to talk to you about Bella. I know things have been pretty quiet with her the few days that you've been here, but please don't let that fool you. She's manipulative and will try anything when its something that she wants. Which is why I called you in here. I have to work a double shift tonight, so I'll be gone until tomorrow morning. Bella's usual routine when this happens is to sneak out and go do God knows what with all of her friends. Her other bodyguards had….some problems preventing this, but I think you're different Edward. I just wanted to give you fair warning to be more vigilant on nights like these. You're more than welcome to spend more time tonight at the main house to keep an eye on her." He got up and put his jacket on. His badge shined a little in the sunlight. "She is not to leave this house tonight. I'm a little on edge with some…things going on lately. So by any means necessary." He raised his eyebrows and I nodded in acceptance.

"Have a good day at work sir."

"Thanks Edward. Please call only if it's an emergency."

"Will do." I got up and followed him out of the office. Bella was just making her way down the stairs. Her hair was a complete mess, sticking out in every direction, as she pulled at the bottom of her shirt.

"Bella I have to work tonight," Charlie said, starting towards the door. "Be good."

"Whatever," she said flatly. She was clearly still upset about last night. And I couldn't blame her. Even under her tough exterior I could tell it hurt her. But I couldn't blame him either. I know what its like to be subordinate to your job. That was my life for over a year. It's not an easy thing to break free of.

Charlie left muttering a few cuss words under his breath. I followed Bella into the kitchen. She pulled a bowl and a box of cereal out of the cupboard before sitting down on the counter.

"Do you ever sit in a chair?" I said.

"Rarely." She poured some milk into the bowl and dug her spoon in.

"So what are your plans for the night Miss Swan?" I started reading the newspaper sitting on the table.

"I don't know. There's this party…"

"No. No parties." I looked at her from behind the paper.

"Excuse me?" She dropped her spoon in her bowl.

"Your father gave me strict instructions. You are not to leave the house at all tonight."

"Edward I'm not five years old. I can take care of myself."

"That may be. And even though we had fun last night, please remember that I'm still here to do a job. First and foremost. I'm sorry, you aren't going to any party tonight."

"What the hell are you going to do stop me?" The anger was apparent in her voice. She threw her still full cereal bowl in the sink and started stomping out of the room.

"Don't try anything. I promise you I'll know…" I yelled, still reading the front page of the paper. This girl has no idea what I'm capable of.

"Stupid….damn…bitch, mother…"

"Watch your mouth!" I listened for her reaction. She only stomped louder up the stairs and slammed her door. "Teenagers…" I whispered to myself.

I finished reading the paper and set it back where I'd found it before starting back to my house. I planned on spending most of the day at the main house but I wanted to call Emmett.

I plopped down on my couch and pulled my curtain back as the phone rang. I glanced up at Bella's room. She was pacing back and forth in front of her window. I had to admit she was pretty entertaining when she was pissed.

"Bro," Emmett answered.

"Thanks for the warning asshole…"

He started laughing. "So I see you've met little Bella huh?"

"Keep talking."

"So how's everything going with the kid?"

"It's fine so far…" I lied. Kind of. It's not that everything wasn't fine, but there was a lot more I could tell him.

"Really? She hasn't tried sneaking out on you yet?"

"No. But Charlie has to work tonight so I'll have to keep an extra eye on her."

"I'd like to keep an extra eye on her. That girl is hot."

"You better hope I don't tell Rosalie that."

"Come on Bro. I'm just thinking of you. You don't think she's cute?"

"It doesn't matter what I think. I'm here to protect her not…"

"Fuck her?"

"Emmett!" I heard Esme scold in the background.

"Sorry Mom. Listen Edward, this is all I'm saying. You might as well reap the benefits of that shitty job if you can. You know what I'm saying?"

I sighed, completely frustrated by my always-hormonal brother. "Goodbye Emmett."

"Just think about…"

I hung up the phone before he could finish and glanced up at Bella's room. I cowered back when I saw she was glaring right at me. I glared right back. If this girl thought she was going to break me with one little stare she was wrong. I caught a glimpse of her middle finger in the air before she closed her curtains.

I grabbed a book and headed back up to the main house. I didn't see Bella for the rest of the day. Every now and then I'd hear her move around up in her room, or open her door and go straight to the bathroom. I eventually heard the shower running and looked up just in time to see her walk down the hallway in nothing but a towel. I quickly averted my eyes back to the book I was reading.

"Don't you ever do anything?" I looked up and noticed Bella was walking down the stairs in her pajamas, her hair still sopping wet from the shower.

"I am doing something."

"Boring…" She plopped down on the other end of the couch and reached for the remote. I went back to my book.

She finally let out a slight laughter and my eyes glanced her way. She sat with her legs up on the couch, mere inches from me. She had the remote in one hand and the other up to her mouth, where she ran her fingers along her lips softly.

"Yeah right it's not yours idiot…" She laughed.

I turned my gaze to the television. Cops. She was watching Cops. I set my book down discreetly and started watching. The first guy got pulled over and claimed that he had no idea that the large bag of cocaine in the back of his car was even there. Then they picked up this prostitute who said that she was just getting a ride home with her friend Tom. His name was Harry. The last one was the best though, I'd always remembered this one.

"This is my favorite…" I said unconsciously as the cop walked up to the woman on the street. Bella's eyes shot to me.

"You watch Cops?"

"I used to. Now be quiet you're going to miss the best part…"

"So what's the problem ma'am?" The cop asked.

"I paid this woman $20 and she didn't give me anything and I want my money back…" The woman on the screen pointed to the house on her left.

I started laughing under my breath because I knew what was coming next.

"And what were you trying to buy?"

"Anything…it doesn't matter, I just want my money back."

"Were you trying to buy drugs ma'am?"

"Well yes I was."

"So you called the police out here because you paid this woman $20 for drugs, and she didn't give them to you. And now you want your money back?" I think the cop was even trying to hold in his laughter.

"What an idiot…" Bella mumbled under her breath.

"Wait it gets better…"

"Sir," another woman said. "This lady is crazy. I don't sell drugs, I'm a prostitute."

Bella's head threw back as she erupted in laughter. I had to join her because it was crazy not to. Her laughter was contagious.

She absentmindedly looked at the clock, seeing it was almost ten, and stretched her arms above her head.

"Well I think I'm going to go to bed…" She yawned and got up, starting for the stairs.

I raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"What? I am. I'm actually really tired."

"Okay." I opened my book back up. "I'll be here. Right here. For a while."

She nodded and went up the stairs, closing her bedroom door behind her.

"Going to bed my ass…" I laughed to myself.

**Bella**

I ripped my pajama top off as soon as I closed and locked my door, revealing a cute black tank top. I shimmied my pants down to my ankles and kicked them off before sliding my skirt and a pair of sneakers on. My phone started vibrating on my desk.

"Jake. I'm just coming out now."

"Are you sure newbie won't be a problem?"

"Nope. He's downstairs reading his stupid book. He thinks I'm going to bed."

"Excellent."

"I'll be down in a minute."

I hung up the phone and gave myself one last look in the mirror, pulling my damp hair back into a loose ponytail before starting out the window. I saw Jake's car parked farther down the driveway. I waved in his direction.

It was pretty easy to get to the drainpipe, it was the whole getting down it thing that got me every time. I clung to it and maneuvered half way down, pretty sure the bottom of my skirt was up to my waist by now.

"Hello Bella."

I screamed and clung tighter to the pipe. I looked down and saw Edward standing at the bottom, his arms folded across his chest and smug smile across his face. I debated crawling back up again and making a run for it. And then looked back down. He still stood in the same position.

"You won't make it back up so just come on down." He seemed impatient with me.

I finally conceded and shimmied the rest of the way down.

"You know you really should consider wearing something other than a mini skirt when performing such tricky tasks," he laughed.

"How the hell did you know?" I pushed lightly on his chest.

"Not many people I know go to bed with their makeup perfectly done and a strand of pearls around their neck." He reached out and lifted my necklace in his fingers before dropping it again.

I sighed and glanced briefly towards Jake's car. Maybe if I took Edward by surprise I could make it far enough for Jake to get me.

"Don't even think about it." Edward took a step closer to me so his chest was pretty much against mine.

"And what exactly was I thinking?" I tried to push him back but my hands were like butter against his rock hard abs. He didn't move an inch.

"You were thinking that I was just like all the other ones you've had. You were thinking you could just sneak past me. You were thinking you could make a run for it and make it to your little friend's car sitting at the end of the driveway." I started to open my mouth. "Yeah I saw it. Now get back inside." He turned toward the house.

"No."

"No?" He stopped and turned towards me. "Fine."

Before I could react he scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder. I heard the screeching of Jake's tires as he bolted towards us.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled as he got out of the car.

I was punching and screaming at Edward to put me down the entire time.

"And you are?" Edward spun back around. I couldn't see Jake anymore, but I could tell he was pissed.

"A friend of Bella's."

"Well friend of Bella's, it was lovely to meet you. Bella won't be joining you tonight."

"Let go of her man…" I could hear the anger in Jake's voice. I'm sure his fists were balled up at his sides to keep him from throwing the first punch, just like he did whenever he was mad. Most people knew not to mess with Jake, but unfortunately for Edward he didn't. And when Jake got protective of me he could be a downright asshole.

"Jake it's fine…" I said, trying to ease the situation. I hated Edward right now, but I didn't want him getting his ass kicked. I would hear it from Charlie if that happened.

"No it's not Bella. They treat you like a little kid and it's not fair to you."

"Goodnight Jake." Edward turned and started towards the house. I managed a small smile and a wave in Jake's direction before resting my elbows on Edward's back.

"You know I know you Cullen. And you're nothing but a small town wash out with power issues! Why don't you just go cry to Daddy about your pathetic guilt over your friends!"

Edward stopped dead in his tracks. I could feel his breathing start to accelerate, his shoulders heaving up and down underneath me. I could tell by Jake's face that he knew what he was saying, even though I had no idea. He struck a cord and he meant to.

Edward gently lifted me from his shoulders and set me down on the solid ground.

"Stay. Here." He said through clenched teeth. I wasn't going to do anything to cross him right now. The look in his eyes terrified me. It was dark, clouded not the normal emerald green I'd seen over the past few days. It was almost like it wasn't him.

Edward took a few deliberate steps towards Jake. Jake didn't cower or back away. They stood chest to chest for a moment, before Edward started to turn away. Jake laughed under his breath.

"Oh shit…" I whispered softly.

Edward whipped around and grabbed Jake's arm, pinning it behind him and forcing him down on the hood of his car. "You have…no…idea what I've been through."

He released Jake's arm and stared back towards the house, ushering me along. I didn't protest or resist at all.

"Edward I'm sorry…" I looked down at the floor.

"It's fine, just go to bed please." He brought his hand up to his forehead, hiding his eyes from me.

I turned and slowly started walking up the stairs. I tried to hide the tears that started slipping down my cheeks.

I got right into bed, I didn't bother changing into my pajamas. I fell fast asleep, totally mortified by what just happened.

I woke with a start when it was still dark outside. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes before turning to look at the clock. Three in the morning. Great. I reached over and turned my light on, my throat aching with thirst. I threw my blanket off and shuffled towards the door. I wiped at my eyes as I opened it and felt blindly along the dark hallway.

"Bella?" A soft voice called.

I screamed and turned my head towards the voice.

"Edward! You scared the crap out of me!"

"Sorry…" He smiled slightly. I squinted into the darkness. He was nestled against the banister. I could tell that his eyes were a little softer than earlier. The edge to them gone.

"What are you doing…?" I looked down at him. "I mean….isn't that uncomfortable?"

"Not really. I've had worse…" He shook his head. "Well first of all I wanted to make sure you weren't going to sneak out again." He laughed darkly. I glared at him. How dare he say something like that after what happened? Did he think I had a death wish?

"Sorry. And secondly I wanted to…explain what happened. I was out of line with Jake and I'm sorry, please let him know that. But Bella I've been through some…things." He fumbled with his hands. "Some really, really tough things that I'm still dealing with. And he obviously knows what my weaknesses are and wasn't afraid to use them."

"I'm sorry that he did that to you Edward…"

"Anyway it doesn't excuse my behavior, so I just wanted to apologize so I hope you can forgive me."

"I forgive you if you forgive me," I offered.

"Okay good." He smiled and curled back into his sleeping position.

"You can…go back to your place Edward?" I nodded towards the front door.

He smiled a mischievous smile and leaned forward on his elbows. "Just because your sorry doesn't mean I trust you Swan. I'm not going anywhere. And plus you're pretty entertaining when you sleep."

I was at a loss for words. Like I was going to be able to sleep now with him sitting right outside my door. Listening to every move I make, every noise I make. I felt like I was on display or something. I quickly went from a very forgiving mood to incredibly irritated.

"Get out of my house!" I yelled, pointing to the door.

"No." He smiled.

"Ugh!" I went back into my room and slammed the door, completely forgetting about my overwhelming thirst. "Stupid, overprotective asshole." I heard him snicker out in the hallway.

**A/N: See that little review button down at the bottom? If you click it maybe Edward will come and be your bodyguard. And he realllly enjoys his job if you know what I mean.**


	4. Positions

**A/N: So just to answer a question before it gets asked. I cannot guarantee that I will be updating every day. I have another story and a clusterfuck of things happening in RL. However since I've been on break from school I've been able to write everyday. I will update as I write. BUT let me tell you, getting a lot of awesome reviews really motivates me. If you like it, tell me, tell your friends, tell your Grandma's next door neighbor...in fact you can tell them even if you don't like it. But I put a lot of work into this and I do it all for you guys because I loooove you so much. So help me out : ) **

**Bella**

I slept in the next morning. I don't know if it was conscious or not, but I think I was scared to see if Edward was still sleeping against my stairs. Because if he was I might give him a swift kick in the balls.

I thought we could be friends…Hell I won't lie, a part of me wanted to sneak into his room at night and take advantage of that beautiful body he had. But I think my irritation from last night might have squashed any feelings I might have towards him besides utter disgust and repulsion.

I crept towards the door and slowly opened it, peeking my head out. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he was nowhere to be found. Alice called as I started making breakfast to talk about some new store opening up downtown that I had no interest in. But I listened and feigned interest because she was my best friend and she was happiest when she was in a store. Which I meant I was miserable a lot of the time, but its okay. I can deal.

"So what's the update with Mr. Guardmybody?"

I sighed, making sure the unfriendly tone of my thoughts was conveyed.

"Uh oh. What happened?"

"We had dinner together the other night and it was…nice. He was funny and charming and there's something mysterious about him."

"Like America's Most Wanted mysterious or the guy from that new vampire movie mysterious?"

"Vampire guy mysterious."

"Ohhh…" She gushed. "Okay go on."

"So anyway, Jake told me about this party last night…"

"Yeah at Jessica's. I waited for you, what happened?"

"Edward decided to go on a power trip and wouldn't let me go."

"Bella that's laughable. That's never stopped me before."

"Ali you don't understand. He physically…would not let me go. Then Jake got all defensive and I think he almost got his ass kicked. Edward was pissed."

"I bet that was hot."

"Alice!"

"Sorry."

"So I go to bed, wake up in the middle of the night, and he's fucking sleeping in my hallway making sure I don't sneak out."

I finished my breakfast and went to sit on the counter.

"I mean where does he get off doing something like that?" I started digging in. I wasn't enthusiastic about much. But food was one of them.

"Let's face it Bella. You're just not stealth enough to get away from him."

"Okay James Bond what do you suggest?"

"Not sure. But you should probably think of something…"

"Gotcha." I heard someone come in the room. I held my breath because I knew Charlie would have already left for work, so it had to be…

"Good morning Bella…" Edward said.

"I have to go…the pain in my ass just walked into the room…" I said to Alice. I heard Edward laugh in the background.

"Okay call me later."

I hung up the phone and glared at Edward, not saying a word. The silence was uncomfortable as fuck, but I felt like if I opened my mouth to talk to him, flames would shoot out. And my dad loves this house too much.

"Don't worry…the pain in your ass will be leaving the building soon." He grabbed a few water bottles out of the refrigerator. "Just so you know I'll be gone all day. I'm going to spend some time with my family. I ran it by Charlie this morning and he said it was fine as long as you were okay with it?" He twisted off one of the tops and took a drink. A few droplets spilled on the front of his shirt.

I waved him towards the door, not wanting to grant him a response.

"Have a good day Bella…" He smiled and left.

This was fucking ridiculous. I was beyond pissed and he just walked in like Susie Fucking Sunshine, not giving a shit about anything that happened last night. What a joke.

I stomped back up to my room and decided to sleep the day away. It wasn't like I had much to do anyway. Alice would probably drag Jasper to that new store, thank God, so I was relatively free.

I pulled the covers over my head and dozed off. I woke up a few times during the day, watched an episode of Maury and a couple of Cops. I snuck downstairs to make some dinner and ate it back in my room.

"Bella?" Charlie knocked on my door. I looked over at the clock. It was already six o'clock. Where did the day go?

"Yeah." I started flipping through the channels again. He opened the door and stepped inside.

"Are you alright?'

"Yeah I'm fine." I stopped on Family Guy and kept my eyes on the screen.

"Listen Edward told me about what happened the other night…with you and Jake."

"Good. I hope you fire his ass."

"Fire him? I'm glad he did it Bella. None of the others have ever been that forceful with you and I think its what you needed. I gave him a raise."

My mouth dropped. That was not what I was expecting to hear.

"Are you kidding me? He practically manhandles me, threatens Jake and you say okay here's some more money!"

"You're overreacting. He was just doing his job. He's supposed to protect you Bella."

"From what? Living?"

He sat down on my bed and started watching the television with me.

"There are some things you don't know. Some things you couldn't understand. I just need you to trust me okay?"

I glared straight ahead.

"Okay?" He bent down closer.

"Fine…" I said through clenched teeth. He could force Edward on me, but I didn't have to be happy about it.

"Okay. I'll leave you alone, I know you probably want to bitch to Alice or something…" He smiled and got off the bed.

"I already did that earlier."

He laughed and left the room.

I didn't realize I'd drifted off again until my phone vibrated against my side. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around the room. It was completely dark. My dad must have checked in on me and shut the TV off. I shook my head and looked at the clock. It was eleven. I finally reached down and grasped at my phone. I didn't recognize the number but I answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" The woman said. There was a hint of something familiar, but very far away in her voice.

"Yeah who's this?" I sat up and turned on a light.

"It's Mom honey." I froze.

"Why are you calling me?"

"Baby I miss you…"

"You're not allowed to miss me. I haven't heard from you in over a year and you just think you can call me. Especially after everything Phil…"

"Oh! Phil! He wants to talk to you sweetie."

She was so far in denial it was sickening. My hand gripped so tight around the phone that I thought it was going to break. I wanted to hang up, do anything to avoid hearing his voice, but I couldn't move.

"Bella!" I cringed when I heard his voice. "We miss you so much. What have you been doing?"

"Why do you care Phil? Don't have a room to sneak into at night?"

"So what do you think about us coming up to visit?"

I twisted the covers in my fist. "I think I'll break your fucking leg if you try…"

That shut him up for a moment.

"Just as feisty as always I see…" He laughed.

I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes.

"Bells?" My mom got back on the phone.

"Yeah…" I fought back the tears.

"We'll be seeing you soon…"

"Mom, no I don't want…" But she was gone.

I hung up the phone and threw it down on my mattress. I was about an inch away from breaking down and becoming hysterical. They had…no right to do that. I never, ever hear from them and then they just call me out of the blue. And on top of that they act like everything's fucking okay? It's not. I don't think I ever want to see them again. And that's saying a lot considering she's my mother. But I can't look at her, knowing that she knew and didn't do a damn thing about it.

I pulled my knees to my chest and started rocking back and forth, nibbling on my nails trying to calm down. I needed something to relax. My eyes wandered to the foot of my bed. And into the drawer that Charlie didn't know existed. It was a part of my bed frame. I didn't find it until after we bought it but it'd proved helpful in hiding things from Charlie that he didn't need to know about.

I crawled down to the edge of my bed and reached down, pulling my comforter up and opening the drawer. I pulled the little baggie out and shook it, trying to see how much I had left from Jess. It was enough. I walked over and locked my door before starting towards my window. My dad would freak if he smelled it. I got shit even for Alice smoking cigarettes in my room.

I opened the window and crawled out, making my way to the small piece of flatness between my bedroom window and the window to the hallway. I settled in, wishing I'd brought a blanket, and pulled the supplies out of the bag. It only took me a minute to roll one up and I smiled as I lit it, feeling the calm starting to course through my veins immediately.

I laid back and looked up at the sky, blowing the smoke up and out of my body. It was a calm, cloudless night. I could see each and every one of the stars, which wasn't something that happened very often in the always cloudy Forks. And being high just made it so much better.

I finished my joint and rubbed it out on the shingles, making sure it didn't start a fire. That's the last thing I needed. A front page headline announcing the Police Commissioner's daughter set his house on fire with a joint. It was almost laughable. I put my arms behind my head and drifted off to sleep feeling like a million bucks, floating away on a cloud.

The bugs were out early the next morning. I don't recommend sleeping on a roof, there's a dangerous potential for long falls, but it's not too bad until they start. First it's just a light buzzing in your ear that won't go away no matter how much you swat. My eyes shot open when it bit me and I sat up to slap it away.

"Greedy little bastard…" I mumbled to myself. A shiver ran through my body. It was cool, definitely too cool to have slept outside. I'd probably get pneumonia and die, all for a small high.

I started to get up and very carefully made my way back towards my window, very intent on snuggling up in my warm bed for as long as possible. But something caught my attention. A flurry of black to my right. I turned around and saw Edward. He stood out in front of his house putting on his tennis shoes and stretching. If I was a betting woman in Vegas, I would've said he was about to go for a run. And this time, I was going to follow him.

I rushed inside, grabbed the first pair of sweatpants I could find and my tennis shoes and flew outside. I could still see him. He was about halfway to the tree line. I didn't bother stretching, I just took off after him, planning on keeping a safe distance. I didn't need him to know I was following him…at least not right away.

We started through the woods, down a path I didn't even know existed. I felt the shortness of breath coming already. I knew I was out of shape but this was fucking ridiculous. He'd know someone was following him if I kept this up. But he'd probably just assume by the ragged breaths it was an 80-year-old woman with emphysema. I fell back a little bit until he was barely in my eyesight. And then he disappeared. I panicked and started running faster and faster down the trail we'd been on. I didn't see any other way he could have gone and he definitely didn't disappear into thin air. He had to be here somewhere. I came to an abrupt stop when the path ended in a small clearing. It was beautiful and perfectly untouched. I almost felt bad interrupting the silence. I assumed the path must start up on the other side and started off desperately for it. Now I was lost, I had to find him. I was no Hansel and Gretel. I didn't leave a breadcrumb trail.

I took a few steps across the meadow and instantly stopped, a sharp pain shooting through my leg. I grasped at it, trying to pull it up towards my chest.

"God! Dammit! Fuck!" I screamed, falling to the ground. I curled up, furiously rubbing my calf trying to make the pain go away.

"Cramp?" Edward said, stepping out of the trees and into the meadow. I didn't appease him with an answer, I just grabbed at my leg more.

"You didn't stretch. And you're out of shape." He bent over and sat down next to me. "Relax…" He looked up at me and I could see the sweat beads dripping down the side of his face.

I had the same problem, but my moisture wasn't sweat, it was tears from this immense pain in my leg. He slowly pushed my hands away from my leg and replaced them with his own, gently massaging up and down my calf. The sharp pain gradually began fading away.

"Just breathe Bella…" He kept eye contact with me the entire time. And for the life of me I couldn't look away from his green eyes. And in that moment I realized that they calmed me down more than any other kind of green ever had.

**Edward**

I knew she was following me the entire time, but I decided to play along and see how long she could last. But if I hadn't known it right away I would have known it when she started huffing and puffing like an 80-year-old woman with emphysema. I knew exactly where I was going when I started towards the meadow. I hid behind the trees and waited for her to come. If she could be a sneaky ass creep then so could I.

It was the first time I really got a good look at her, I couldn't just turn around and let her know that I knew. Her hair was pulled back and she looked exhausted. She came to a stop in the middle of the meadow and looked around. I could only imagine the confusion running through her head, but I thought I'd wait it out a little before I revealed myself. Her nose wrinkled up and she scowled as she debated which way to go. She quickly started off toward the other side and just as quickly fell down to the ground, clutching her leg.

I darted out from my hiding spot, but she was too distracted to notice. I'd assumed it was just a cramp, but those things hurt like hell. I'd almost rather go down a sandpaper slide naked. I couldn't contain my laughter at her outburst as I approached. Bella had a mouth like a sailor.

"Cramp?"

She glared at me.

I bent down and started massaging her leg, just like they always did with me. Very slow deliberate movements. Back and forth. Back and forth. She didn't say anything, but I heard her crying slow and her face was no longer contorted into the painful scowl from before.

"Just breathe Bella…" I kept my eyes on her face and she finally looked up at me. I held her gaze until she shuddered a little, a look of almost guilt spreading across her face. She reached down and brushed my hands away.

"Thank you…" She said softly.

"No problem. I used to get them all the time."

"How long did you know I was following you?"

"Since you came running out of the house and almost knocked over the potted plant by the door…"

She laughed a little. "I guess being graceful is not one of my strong suits…"

"Yeah you're kind of a klutz."

She smiled slightly and started to get up, stopping midway and looking up at me in panic. "I can feel it coming back…" She said quickly and sat back down. "I don't think I can walk back…" Her eyes looked back at the path towards the house.

I turned around, offering my back to her. "Get on…"

"What?"

"Get on, I'll carry you back."

She hesitated.

"Bella. Get on. Stop being ridiculous."

"Well fine!" She yelled, wrapping her arms around my neck and scooting closer. I reached behind me and carefully grabbed under her legs before standing up. It wasn't a struggle, this girl was lighter than a feather.

We made our way back to the house and I went straight for the work out room. I set her down on the weight bench.

"Stay here I'll go get something for your leg…" I grabbed some Icy Hot from the cabinet and went back to her. I bent down and started rubbing some on the back of her calf. She wouldn't look at me. Her eyes darted around the room, finally landing on the punching bag in the corner.

"You box?" I asked, closing up the jar.

"What?" She finally looked towards me. "Oh. No. My Dad used to a little. Do you?"

"Yeah." I smiled and had an idea. "I was actually going to try some out today, do you want to join me?"

She laughed and looked down at the floor. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"I'll show you. Stand up….slowly now. Don't push it."

She inched out of her seat, contemplating how her leg was going to react. She finally straightened up, apparently cramp free.

"You good?"

"Yeah I'm good."

"Okay. Hit me." I smirked and held out my hand. Her eyes widened.

"Edward I'm not going to hit you…"

"You had no problem trying to the other night. Come on hit me. You won't hurt me I promise…"

She huffed and took a half assed swipe at my hand, barely brushing my fingers.

"Okay not bad," I said, laughing slightly. "Now bend your legs a little bit." I bent down into a crouch to demonstrate. "Always on your toes."

She tried to mimic my stance.

"Good. Except…" I brought my hands down and placed them on her hips, pushing one slightly behind the other. "One in front of the other."

She looked down and my hands on her hips and I felt a shiver run through her body. I couldn't imagine my hands were that cold.

"Now hands up here…" I put my fists up by my chin. "Now this is the defensive pose. You pretty much want to be in this when you aren't punching."

"Okay…" Bella brought her hands up. "Defensive pose."

"Now rock back and forth a little on your toes and when you feel it throw a punch. Put your whole body into it…" I put my hand back up and watched as she started moving back and forth, ever so lightly on her feet. She bit down on her bottom lip and pulled her fist behind her. As she threw herself forward, missing my hand completely, she twisted around and fell towards the ground flailing her arms and grabbing for me.

I caught her just in time, but instead of pulling her up, she pulled me down with her. We crashed to the floor, my hand cradling behind her head.

"Are you okay?" I said, my eyes frantic, looking for any signs of damage.

"Yeah." A small laugh escaped through her lips. "Are you?"

I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. "Yeah. But I think that's enough boxing for one day Rocky."

I stood up and pulled her with me, both of us laughing the entire time.

"So will you be doing this again?" She let go of me and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Tomorrow morning?"

I nodded. "Will you?"

"Maybe. I don't know I don't think I'll have a career as a boxer anytime soon."

"Give me a few days Bella. I'll give you a good workout." I didn't realize how terrible that sounded until it was already flying out of my mouth. I hoped I didn't sound like a complete pervert.

"I'm sure you will." She kinked an eyebrow and headed towards the stairs. "I'm…going to go take a shower. But I'm making tacos for dinner tonight….if you want to come. Charlie is supposed to be home, to make up for the other night, but who knows."

"I'll be there."

Bella disappeared up the stairs and I started working on the punching bag in the corner. I hadn't really boxed much lately, but it was like riding a bike. Something that was always with you. Sure I wasn't in the best conditioning for boxing, and I'd probably be sore as hell tomorrow morning, but it felt good. Every punch was like a huge release. That was why I took it up in the first place, back at camp. Most of the guys there needed to find something and most turned to booze or girls. I took to the gym.

I glanced up at the clock and realized a full hour had passed since Bella left and I was dripping with sweat. I started back towards my house to take a shower.

The rest of the day passed by slowly. I took a drive into town to have lunch with Esme at the little café on the corner.

"So how is everything going with Miss Swan sweetie?" Esme took her napkin from the table and placed it in her lap.

"She's very…interesting to say the least. I haven't really had to do much yet. The worst thing I've saved her from was a leg cramp," I laughed.

"I've heard Charlie's had a heck of a time with her ever since she moved here."

"So she hasn't been here long right?"

"No just a couple of years. Used to live with her mother down in Arizona. Apparently there was some big thing down there and her mother sent her up here to live with Charlie. Thought he could handle her better. Poor guy's been through a lot."

"What do you mean?"

The waitress came and took our order. Esme ordered a chicken salad sandwich and I got the club sandwich.

"Renee, Bella's mother, left him when Bella was only a little kid. They had some kind of falling out. Took Bella with her. Charlie's only seen her a couple of times each year up until when she moved here. He was absolutely devastated. Tried to hide it but everyone in town knew. That little girl was his life."

I tried to smile as the waitress delivered our food. I knew what it was like to have something I loved ripped away from me in an instant. It wasn't something you'd ever expect or could prepare for. And it was heartbreaking.

We avoided the subject of Bella for the rest of the lunch. Esme chatted about what Carlisle had going on up at the hospital. Some kind of benefit dinner coming up. Emmett and Rose were talking about moving into an apartment together downtown, which I thought was a good idea. They were together practically all day, every day.

I paid for our lunch, said goodbye to Esme and started back towards the house. I noticed an almost familiar car in the driveway parked next to Charlie's cruiser. Was that a Volkswagen?

I parked in my garage and jogged up towards the house to see what was going on. My hand froze on the doorknob when I heard the voices echoing inside. Jacob. It was Jacob's car.

I opened the door and bounded inside. Charlie, Bella and Jacob were sitting in the living room watching television.

"Hey Edward!" Bella called, smiling. Jake glared my way and I narrowed my eyes at him in response. If he wants to play the dirty look game, I'll win every time.

"Take a seat Edward," Charlie pointed to the empty space on the couch beside Bella. And there we were, the three of us. Bella in between Jacob and me. I felt his eyes drift my way every now and then and I did my best to keep mine forward.

"So Bella what time is dinner?" Jake said, obviously directing his voice towards me.

"Probably around five…Are you hungry already?"

"No just checking."

"Edward are you hungry?"

"Um. No. No I'm not hungry. Actually I'm going to have to cancel for dinner tonight. I have…other plans." My other plans included not punching Jake's face, which I would most likely do if I had to sit through dinner with him.

"Oh." Bella's face fell. "Okay."

We watched a few episodes of Friends before I started to get restless. I got up and excused myself before retreating back to my house.

I spent the rest of my evening reading, or cleaning my little house…again. Anything to keep my mind from wandering up to the main house. Something about that Jake kid just irked me and I hated thinking about him spending time with Bella. I wasn't jealous, I just didn't like it. Right?

A noise outside caught my attention and I turned my light off as I snuck towards the window and pulled the curtain back. Instinct I guess to be on edge. I sighed when I saw Bella's brown curls in the moonlight. She was carrying something in her hands.

I smiled a little to myself and scratched my head as I started to move away from the window. She was coming to see me.

Before I lost sight of her I saw her stop suddenly and whip her phone out. My window was cracked just enough that I could make out what she was saying.

"Hey Jake….When? Tonight?....Where?" She looked down at her watch and then back at my house. I ducked behind the curtain. "Not tonight Jake…Yeah I'm serious. No I'm just not up for a party tonight okay?...Jake? Jake?" She shook her head and hung the phone up, turning back towards my house.

She paused for a second outside my door, taking a big breath before knocking. I waited for a moment before going to answer it.

"Bella?" I asked, trying to add the shock to my voice.

"Hey Edward." She cleared her throat and glanced inside.

"Come on in." I opened the door wider and she stepped inside. "Whatcha got there?" I looked down at what she was carrying.

"I brought you some dinner. I know that you lied earlier. About having plans." She smirked.

"Sorry. I just…Jake and I aren't really each other's favorite people and I didn't want it to be awkward."

"Well thank you. But regardless, I wish you would have stayed, I invited you because I wanted you there." She walked towards my little kitchen and started dishing out things onto a plate. She popped them into the microwave and leaned against the counter.

"So are you going to ask me what Jake just called about?" She winked.

"I…uh…" I stammered. I didn't know she realized I was listening. "Sorry."

"No it's okay. In all fairness I took the call when I knew your window was open."

"So what was Jake calling about?"

She pulled the steaming food out of the microwave and arranged it on a plate for me. It looked amazing, even reheated. She slid the plate towards me and pulled herself up onto the counter.

"There's a party tonight."

"Are you going?"

"Like you would let me go." She rolled her eyes and I laughed.

"But let's say in some weird parallel universe I was to let you go, would you want to?"

She pondered for a second before she answered. "Nah."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Besides I've got plans early tomorrow morning." She smiled.

"There you go with the no chair thing again." I nodded to her position on the counter.

"Hey don't judge. It's more comfortable and I like being on top of people."

I nearly spit out the water out of my mouth.

"I mean." Her face turned bright red. "That's not what I meant. I mean I just like the view."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm gonna stop talking now."

"Good plan."

We moved onto a new topic, nothing to do with…positions, or being above people, or anything awkward. It was easy. She was so…normal, when she wasn't trying to crawl down a drainpipe or working desperately to piss me off.

She finally left about midnight, carrying the empty plate back to the house.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" She turned back.

"See you tomorrow." I smiled and closed the door, anxious to go to bed. Anxious to wake up the next day. Damn I was in trouble.


	5. Special Brownies

**A/N: A few people have asked if I have a twitter account or something. I do and my name on there is MandyLeigh010. I will eventually do updates on Fanfiction on there, but not all the time. So feel free to join if you'd like. Also another reminder that the playlist for this story is posted on my profile. Music is essential to my stories, its where I get a lot of my inspiration from so its really important. So please give it a listen if you have time. For those of you reading DD, I was planning on finishing another chapter today but I came down with a nasty cold so as long as I'm not totally out of it tomorrow I'm planning on updating tomorrow. Enjoy.**

**Bella**

I was sound asleep and I was dreaming…of Edward. If I hadn't had that light as a feather, best sleep of your life feeling, I might have been panicking. We were walking in the woods behind my house. The sun was shining briefly through the trees, making shadows on the forest floor every now and then. I turned to talk to him and naturally tripped over an overgrown root, sticking directly in my path. Edward reached out and saved me from getting a mouth full of dirt before we continued on like nothing had happened. But he never let go of my hand. I looked down at our hands, swaying softly while we walked. I felt the warmth of his skin against mine. The warmth slowly tingled its way up my arm and across my chest to settle over my heart before radiating through my whole body. I felt myself smile in my sleep.

I didn't like Edward that way…I don't think. I mean I never consciously looked at him and thought "Hey I'd like to be with him someday," but I sure didn't mind this dream and didn't plan on waking up anytime soon. I snuggled closer to my pillow and let it play out.

We continued down the path until we came to the same meadow from yesterday. It must have been the middle of spring because I'd never seen so many wildflowers there in my life. A million shades of purple littered among the green grass. Lavender, plum, bright purple. All of them speckles of color across the meadow. I smiled as Edward paused and turned towards me. Dream Bella wrapped her arms around Edward's waist and pulled him closer while Real Life Bella started to hyperventilate. Why was I dreaming about this?

We backed up until I felt the rough bark of the tree on my skin. My bottom lip quivered as he smiled and leaned closer. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for his lips to press against mine and…_I'm hot blooded, check it and see. Got a fever of a hundred and three…_

My brow furrowed in confusion as I snuggled closer to my pillow waiting for Edward's lips to brush against mine. _Come on baby do you do more than dance? I'm hot blooded. Hot blooded._

The image of me and Edward started getting fuzzy, blurring around the edges and quickly slipping away. I tried desperately to hold onto it, but I couldn't. I finally opened my eyes slowly and saw the glow of my cell phone. Of course Jake would be calling at…three in the morning.

"What do you want asshole?" I answered, obviously irritated I'd been rudely interrupted.

"Are you ready I'm coming to get you?" His words were a little slurred, but still understandable.

"I told you I'm not going out tonight Jacob."

"Yeah but…you didn't mean it," he laughed.

"Yes I did."

"You did?"

"Jacob!"

"Sorry."

I tapped my finger on my nightstand waiting for him to speak again.

"But you always go out Bella."

"Can't I take a night off without getting my balls busted?" I was tired and annoyed. Not in the mood to deal with his bullshit right now.

"Well yeah but….fuck. Fine bye."

I didn't say bye, I just hung up and laid back down in bed. My alarm was set to go off in about three hours. Thank God I went to bed semi-early or there's no way I'd be able to keep up with Edward.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. I don't know what that dream was all about but it was fucking weird.

My eyes eventually drooped closed and I was instantly shocked awake by the sound of my alarm. I reached out blindly and hit the snooze button. I sat up and looked around. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen back asleep, but to my disappointment it was a dreamless few hours.

I quickly got out of bed and got dressed before running a comb through my hair and throwing it into a loose ponytail. The sun was just starting to creep above the horizon and it looked surprisingly cold outside for summer so I threw on one of Charlie's old sweatshirts before heading out the door.

I decided to wait for Edward outside his door, starting to stretch so I could avoid what happened yesterday. That shit hurt. I crossed one arm over my chest and then the other. Then I bent down and reached for my ankle. I straightened up as soon as I heard the door open behind me.

"Bella?" Edward said, his face full of bewilderment.

"Took you long enough sleepy head," I smiled as I jogged towards the woods. I turned and started going backwards. "Come on."

Edward laughed and ran to join me, catching up with me quickly.

We stayed silent for most of the run, our eyes occasionally drifting to each other. He laughed under his breath a few times when I tripped over a log or a bump in the trail. I tried to keep my eyes straight ahead, but it was almost impossible with Edward running next to me. That dream from last night left an impression on me and I couldn't help but find myself…attracted to him. More than just the "he's kind of cute" feeling I had before. I watched the muscles in his arms as they swung next to him, creating valleys and peaks down his arm. I followed them up to his shoulders and held my breath as I caught a quick glimpse of his back everytime the sleeve of his shirt flopped the right way.

I unconsciously bit down on my bottom lip and nearly missed running right into a low hanging branch.

"You should probably keep your eyes ahead Bella…" Edward smirked.

I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. Thank God they were probably already pink from the exercise because that would have made me even more embarrassed that he'd caught me looking at him. I gulped hard and forced my eyes ahead of me.

By the time we made it back to the house we were dripping in sweat. I felt the small beads rolling down the side of my face and I wiped them away before Edward could look at me. He had them too, but I guarantee they looked sexier on him than me. He smiled as he leaned up against his house, trying to catch his breath. The only sound was our hard breathing, in complete unison as we stared at each other. I found myself mechanically moving closer to him with each long, drawn out breath. He looked at me, questions in his eyes, but didn't move. I couldn't concentrate on anything except for the way his lips moved and how I'd missed out on them last night.

"Bella?" Charlie yelled. I closed my eyes and turned away from Edward, towards the house.

"Yeah Dad?"

"I thought that looked like you. What the hell are you doing up this early?" He was up in his window. I could only imagine what it was like for him to look out and see his daughter, who was never seen before noon, up and going before he left for work.

"Just went for a run with Edward!" I called back, glancing towards Edward. He stared down at his feet, a serious look on his face. I cleared my throat and stepped back, realizing I must have made him uncomfortable with how close I was.

"Oh. Okay." Charlie shook his head. "Well I'll be gone at work all night. Edward you can stay up at the house if you'd like."

"Okay thanks Charlie. Have a good day." Edward waved in his direction before starting into his house.

"Wait!" I reached out and grabbed his shoulder. "What about boxing?"

"I think we've had enough exercise for today."

"What's with you Crabby Pants?" I put my hands on my hips.

"Nothing. I'm done for the day."

I stared him down and he finally shrugged and went inside. That kid needed to lighten up, let loose a little. Maybe I'd kidnap him tonight and see what I could do. Well try to kidnap him, as in ask him to hang out, because there's no way I could kidnap that man.

I decided to work out in the gym by myself because I was way too worked up to do anything else. I grabbed the punching bag from the corner and set myself up just like Edward had taught me yesterday. I took a swing and the bag rocked back and forth as I reset myself. I hit it again. And again. Finally getting a rhythm going, rocking back and forth on my toes. I stopped a while later to take a break and looked up at the clock. Where did the last two hours go?

I smiled to myself as I looked back at the punching bag, almost wishing Edward had been here because I totally kicked its ass. I celebrated with a crazy karate kick to it, rattling it to its core.

I took a shower and decided to clean the house for the rest of the day, I didn't really have anything else to do. I was half tempted to ask Edward up to dinner, but I think I was just going to go for some cereal so I decided against it. I'd see him later anyway if my plan worked.

Around seven I picked up my phone and call Jessica.

"Hey Bella!" She answered.

"Jess. Hey. I need some stuff is your brother around?"

"Yeah sure. What do you need?"

"A couple fifths of vodka and a bag. Tell him I'll pay him extra if he can get it here in the next hour."

"Okay. I'll let him know."

"Thanks Jess."

"So what gives? Are you having a party tonight?"

"Oh. No. It's just me…" I bit my lip nervously. I didn't really want everyone to know what I was doing. And by telling Jessica I would be telling everyone.

"All that just for you? I highly doubt that Bella. Is it Jake? I can't believe you even…"

"What's that Jess? I think you're breaking up. Hello? Hello?...Okay bye." I sighed and hung up the phone.

I lay back on my bed and waited for her brother to show up. To my delight there was a knock on the front door a half hour later.

"Jason you are my hero," I said smiling as I opened the door.

"Aw Bells. You're too kind."

I handed him the wad of cash and took the large paper bag from his arms. The bottles rattled and clanked against each other.

"Have a good time," he said as he turned and left.

"Oh I will." I closed the door and immediately put the alcohol in the freezer. I reached down in the bottom of the paper bag and felt along for the rest. I pulled out the little bag of green and stared at it. There was no way Edward would smoke this. No. Way. I glanced around the room, trying to think of something. I smiled as I saw the small box sitting next to the refrigerator and got right to work.

**Edward**

I laid on my couch, literally all day, frozen. My mind wouldn't stop running over this morning. I didn't expect to see her standing outside my house, let alone expect her to join me on my run. But she did. And I was pleasantly surprised. I automatically slowed my pace to match hers, since she wasn't quite in shape yet.

I couldn't for the life of me understand this girl. She was a pushy, stubborn, whiney ass one minute and almost fun to be with the next. I spent practically the entire run going over this hot and cold relationship we had going, I'd almost forgotten she was there. I was completely oblivious to the intensity of her gaze until my mind finally shut up. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and saw her eyes locked on my arms as they swayed back and forth with my strides. I smiled slightly and looked straight ahead. She was checking me out.

I jerked my head towards her when I heard her stumble, hoping I wouldn't have to carry her back to the house again. Luckily she was still on her feet and no longer staring at me. The pink in her cheeks darkened.

When we got back to the house I was so out of breath I had to support myself against the wall. I felt her moving closer before I saw her. I finally looked up and saw her eyes staring at me, this intense fire burning in them. I had no idea what it meant, or why she kept moving closer to me, but I almost just reached out for her in response. Thank God Charlie interrupted because that probably would have crossed his line from friendly to unprofessional. And that was a line I really didn't want to fucking cross.

I quickly looked down at my feet, breaking eye contact with her as she spun around to talk to Charlie. I heard him mention that he wouldn't be home tonight and that I could stay up at the house if I wanted to. I mumbled some kind of response.

Bella wanted to go inside and practice boxing but I'd had enough for right now. I had to stay away from her for the rest of the day, especially if I was going to be up at the house tonight. There'd be no avoiding her. My heart started pounding again just thinking about it. I had to tell it to shut the hell up if it was planning on keeping its job.

"Edward?" Bella's voice rang out in my house and I shot up from my couch expecting to find her standing there. She wasn't. The green light on the intercom was blinking. I slowly got up and made my way over.

"Yeah."

"Can you come up to the house please? I'm in my room."

"Yeah sure." I gulped hard.

I took a deep breath and started up to the house. I wasn't sure if I should knock or just go in. I hesitated and opened the door slowly.

"Bella?" I shouted. No answer. Only soft music coming from upstairs. I made my way up the stairs, shaking my head because I knew this was going to end in all kinds of bad. I knocked softly on her door and waited for her to answer. A strange smell seeped slowly into my nose and I scrunched up my face trying to figure out what it was.

"Come in…" she laughed.

I tentatively opened the door and coughed as I peeked my head inside. Bella sat by her window, blowing smoke out of her mouth.

"Want some?" She asked, handing the paper stick in my direction.

"No thanks. I don't like cigarettes." I stood awkwardly in her doorway.

"It's not a cigarette," she laughed. Now I knew what the smell was.

She took a few long drags from her joint and rubbed it out on her shoe.

"So I got you something for tonight…" She got up and started towards her door. "Stay here. Make yourself at home." She disappeared and I sat myself down in her chair and looked around. She had a bunch of band posters on her wall, and a few pictures of her friends. I tried to find a picture of her mother, or any other family, but all I could find was one solitary picture of her and Charlie. She looked about six and she had a big red bow in her hair.

I jumped as her door opened again and she entered carrying two large glasses of blue liquid. She smiled and handed one to me.

"What's this?" I said, grabbing the glass from her and smelling it. Smelled like Gatorade…and vodka. Lots of vodka.

"I made it for you. Have a sip."

"There's alcohol in this Bella."

"Maybe…" She laughed and made her way back to her spot at the window.

"I don't think so." I set the glass down on the table and started nervously tapping my foot.

"Fine. God Edward why don't you lighten up a little? Take the edge off. You walk around like you have a stick up your ass all the time."

I shifted in my seat. "I don't have anything up my ass. That'd be uncomfortable."

"It's not so bad," Bella winked. My jaw dropped and I struggled to say something. "I'm just kidding," she laughed. "Okay so you won't drink and you won't smoke, are you completely against baked goods?" She raised an eyebrow.

"No."

"I made some brownies earlier. Since you're such a party pooper why don't you have some and not make me feel like a total failure?" She nodded towards her desk. I noticed a large plate of brownies on the edge.

"Are you trying to poison me?" I said as I reached for one.

"I'm offended that you are questioning my cooking skills Mr. Cullen. And for your information I already had one…or two. So they're fine. More than fine."

I took a bite, hunching over to catch a few crumbs. She was right they were good. She must have used a different recipe though cause they tasted a little…off. Not in a bad way, just off.

"Are these homemade?" I said, taking another bite.

"I added a little something to them…" she smiled and took a drink.

I finished the brownie and eyed the plate. They were so damn good, but I felt weird taking another one so I resisted.

Bella turned some music on and I laid my head against the back of the chair. A warm, fuzzy feeling started spreading out from my stomach to my limbs. An almost pulsating buzz with each heartbeat. I opened my eyes and saw that Bella was staring at me, almost like she was waiting for something.

"What?"

"Nothing," she laughed.

I crossed my arms in front of me and looked anxiously around the room.

"A little paranoid are we?" She got up and grabbed the plate of brownies. "Have another one."

I reluctantly took another. She took one for herself and sat down on her bed.

"These are amazing. What did you put in them?" The fuzzy feeling from before was growing stronger; it was almost like I was floating. I squeezed my eyes tight and took a few short breaths before taking another bite. It was almost like I was drunk, but different. And I knew I hadn't had anything to drink. It almost reminded me of the time Emmett told me about trying pot….

"Brownies?" I threw the few bits of brownie down on the plate. "Did you feed me pot brownies?" I yelled.

"Well I knew you wouldn't smoke it." She laughed and took another bite of hers.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, starting to freak out. But a happy freak out. I was high. Plain and simple. Floating feeling…check. Strange euphoria…check. Creepy ninja in the corner pointing and laughing at me…check.

"Stop looking at me!" I yelled to him.

Bella turned her head to the empty space where I yelled and rolled on her back, laughing hysterically.

"What is it?" She asked.

"A ninja…with a samurai sword."

"He won't hurt you I promise."

"Oh God. What if Charlie comes back? What if the cops come? What…"

"What if Grandma's a man Edward? Stop freaking out." She sat up and brought her knees up to her chest. "Do you need to lay down for a minute?"

"Yes," I said quickly.

She patted the space next to her and I crawled over, sprawling myself out on her bed.

"Sorry I didn't realize you'd react so strong to it. I was just trying to get you to have some fun."

"You call this fun?" I watched the birds flying above my head. I shuddered and jumped a little when one pooped on my forehead. I wiped it away and sighed in disgust.

"My first time, I thought the evil old lady from Hansel and Gretel was chasing me. I wouldn't go near an oven the entire night."

I giggled a little, despite the fact that I was happily irritated at my situation. I didn't even flinch when she laid down beside me.

"And this is fun for me Edward. It gave me a chance to get away from it all."

"From what? Life. Sounds more like running away."

"Who says I'm running away from something?" She propped herself up on her elbows and looked at me.

"It's none of my business Bella. But from my experience people are always running away from something. Hell even I'm running away from something." I didn't panic when the words slipped out of my mouth, mostly because she didn't press me further. I closed my eyes and actually started to enjoy the hazy feeling coursing through my body.

"My mom," she said seriously. I opened one eye and tilted my head towards her. I hadn't expected her to say anything.

"Huh?"

"It's my mom. And her husband. Who I was running away from?"

"Yeah I noticed you don't have any pictures of them in here?" I put my arm behind my head.

"Not unless I wanted to throw darts at them." I heard a real disdain, a genuine hate in her voice. It made me sad to think that she could feel that way about someone. Or what they had to do for her to think that.

I looked at her expectantly, not sure if she was going to keep talking. Her eyes widened when she glanced my way.

"Sorry," I said quickly. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." I closed my eyes again, assuming she wouldn't.

"He used to sneak into my room at night."

My eyes flew open and shot in her direction, but I didn't say anything. I felt my fists slowly curl up tight, grasping on the blanket. The thought of anyone hurting her…or touching her like that made my blood boil.

"I was afraid to tell my mom, you know….embarrassed. So I started going out just to avoid him. The night was the only time he could get to me, so I made sure I wasn't there to give him the opportunity."

"Did he….?" I whispered, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"No."

I felt a large breath rush out of me.

"He tried the last night I was there but I fought him off."

"Did your mom know?"

"I'm convinced she did, but she'll never admit it. It would damage her perfect life." She laughed darkly. "Getting sent here was the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Then why do you still do all of it? You don't need it anymore Bella."

"Habit?" She shrugged her shoulders. "You know how little kids have that one thing that makes them feel safe….like a security blanket? This is it for me. I'm safe here. No one can touch me."

"That's not being safe Bella. That's avoiding…life. You're cutting yourself off from the bad and the good."

"Ah well…" She took another drink. "It's the best I can do right now."

I sat up, the effects of the brownies starting to wear off, and reached for my drink, completely downing it.

Bella finally cracked a smile again. "For someone who doesn't drink you sure downed that like a champion."

"Well after hearing all that I needed a drink."

She nodded and stared straight ahead. "You know I've never told that to anyone." She glanced down at her hands, fidgeting nervously in her lap. "Not even my dad."

"Why me?" I leaned in closer to her.

"I don't know." She slowly tilted her head up and our eyes met. "Because I felt like I could."

I searched her eyes for something. I wasn't completely sure what, but I knew I'd found it.

"You still have some more liquor?"

"Please Cullen. Of course I do. It's downstairs in the freezer."

I jumped up and started towards the door. "Stay here. Make yourself at home." I winked and left the room, running swiftly downstairs and grabbing the liquor out of the freezer. I searched the cupboards and found a couple of shot glasses before going back upstairs.

I sat back down on the bed, setting the bottle of liquor between us and handing her a shot glass.

"I'm very impressed Edward. I thought you were kind of a light weight."

I leaned in close to her. "I haven't drunk as much as I'm about to since I was in high school. I will be paying for this tomorrow," I whispered. I poured each of us a shot. We clinked them together and threw them back. The liquor burned as it went down my throat and I coughed a little and shook the taste away.

Six shots later I was three sheets to the wind and one drink away from spending the entire night in the bathroom. I had migrated to lying on my stomach, my head resting on my arms. Bella mimicked my pose as we laid head to head, trying to stop the world from spinning.

"Fuck you Cullen. I can't believe you made me do that last shot. I'm going to barf…"

"I didn't make you do shit. That was your idea…" I moaned.

She turned her head towards mine and smiled. "This was fun…" she whispered.

"Yeah it was," I said, surprised that I wasn't lying. "Bella I have a proposition for you…"

She kinked an eyebrow.

"If you consider toning it down a little, I will consider lightening up a little. Hell maybe I'll even go to a party with you."

Her face lit up with a smile that touched all the way up to her big brown eyes.

"Like a compromise?" Her eyes stared intently into mine and she inched a little closer.

"Middle ground." I looked down at her lips as she took her bottom one between her teeth.

I gasped as she reached out with her finger and ran it delicately along my bottom lip before grabbing onto my chin and pulling me forward. I resisted when my lips were almost touching hers. I closed my eyes and I could smell her breath on me and became even more intoxicated than even the strongest liquor could muster.

"Bella I can't…" I whispered.

I slowly inched my eyes open was surprised to find hers, offended and embarrassed, still staring back at me.

"I'm sorry." I sat back and looked out the window. An instant later I felt her jump off the bed and run out of the room. A door slammed down the hallway. I slowly got up and wobbled my way in the direction she went, afraid that I'd hurt her feelings. I ran into the wall a few times as I made my way down the hallway. Light streamed through the sliver at the bottom of the door and I knocked softly.

"Bella?"

I gagged as I heard the noises coming from the other side. I guess that last shot did her in. I reached hesitantly for the door handle and twisted it, surprised it wasn't locked. She was hunched over the toilet, her brown hair spread out all over it. I quickly filled up a small glass with water and bent down to hand it to her. She looked up at me, tears in her eyes and took it.

"Thank you." She took a few sips and set it on the counter.

I sat down and leaned against the side of the bathtub. When she started heaving again I got on my knees and pulled her hair back, barely holding in my own vomit. I did not do well listening to other people puke. In fact I was pretty sure, if she hacked like that one more time I was going to lose it. I pulled the trashcan closer in anticipation just as she lunged for the toilet again.

I was fairly certain after an hour we'd both puked out the entire contents of our stomach, but neither of us wanted to move. I pushed the trashcan away and placed a towel behind my head to soften the hard edge of the tub. Bella let out a long, drawn out sigh and sat back beside me.

I watched as her eyes started drooping closed, heavy with sleep. Her head bobbed forward a little and she eventually, slowly but surely, rested her head on my shoulder. After a few minutes her arm snaked across my waist and grabbed hold, feeling like she was never going to let go. I adjusted my arm so it was wrapped around her shoulders, rubbing down her arm softly. For sleeping against a tub after having way too much to drink, it was the most comfortable I've been in awhile.

**A/N: Please, please, please with an Edward ontop give me a review. ; )**


	6. Friends and Benefits

**Edward**

I jolted awake with the slam of the door downstairs. I felt the pain of the light before I even opened my eyes and my neck felt like mush. I opened my eyes and was surprised to see that the bathroom was still pretty dark. There were no windows, no lights on. The only source of light was the small glow from the crack of the door. I started to move around, straightening and stretching my muscles, trying to loosen them up from sleeping all night on a bathroom floor. I froze when I realized Bella's head was resting lazily on my chest.

"Bella! Edward! Where are you guys?" Charlie's voice boomed from downstairs.

My eyes widened with panic and I felt Bella stiffen in my arms. She must be awake.

"Shit!" She whispered, scrambling from my arms and crawling across the floor. I shielded my eyes from the bright light as she whipped the bathroom door open, causing a blinding flood of light to enter the room. She stumbled to her feet and weaved sleepily down the hallway back to her room. She closed the door quietly behind her and I slowly started to get up from the floor. I didn't know if she was more embarrassed about almost being caught by her dad or just the mere fact that she slept on my chest all night.

I yawned and quickly made my way downstairs, meeting Charlie halfway down.

"Morning Edward, is Bella around?" He looked tired. The purple circles under his eyes were evident of his lack of sleep and he looked like he was about to topple over from exhaustion.

"Uh…yeah. I just came upstairs to wake her up…" I lied.

"Good. Um, I'm only back for a little while to take a nap and clean up. I have to head out of town this weekend for some business, I'll be back on Sunday. I just wanted to let her know."

I nodded and made my way casually down the stairs as he passed me.

"Would you mind going out and getting the mail for me?" Charlie scratched his head and turned around at the top of the stairs.

"Yeah no problem."

He knocked softly a few times on Bella's door before walking inside. I was sure she was curled up in her bed putting on the perfect façade that she'd been in there all night long…alone. I just hoped she had enough time to take care of all the evidence before he went in.

I opened the front door and made my way down the long driveway to get to the mailbox. I understand why he didn't want just anyone coming onto his property, but hell it was a long walk just to get some magazines and junk mail.

I kicked a stray stone as I approached the end of the driveway. The gate creaked open and I rounded the corner to the mailbox. I pulled it open, fully expecting to find nothing but junk.

There was the usual magazines and ads, and then there were two smaller envenlopes. I was surprised to find the first one was addressed to me. The return address was the hospital, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out how or why they'd be sending me anything here. I shook my head and opened the envelope. It was a reminder for a benefit dinner at the hospital…tonight.

"Fuck me…" I whispered. I forgot all about it. I probably couldn't go now, with Charlie leaving again. Carlisle was going to be pissed. My whole family was going to support him and I promised I'd go a month ago.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" I muttered absentmindedly to myself as I started back down the driveway. I stuck the letter in my back pocket and looked at the last envelope. In plain, black marker on the front it was addressed to Chief Swan. But there was no address, no stamp. Nothing but a name.

I made it back up to the house and set the mail on the front table.

"Will you please behave this weekend Bella?" Charlie's voice echoed from the kitchen.

"Dad when do I not behave?" Bella laughed. At least it sounded like she was feeling better.

"Hmph," Charlie huffed. I heard his fork clank against a plate. She made him breakfast. As I moved closer I could smell it and it made me want to vomit. Not because it didn't smell good. I'm sure to any normal person who was not incredibly hung over it probably smelled amazing. I tried to make a quick exit so I wouldn't be noticed, but Charlie must have heard me.

"Any mail Edward?"

I sighed and turned back around.

"Yeah just a little bit." I grabbed the mail off the table and took it in the kitchen. Charlie took it and started going through each piece robotically, throwing each one directly into the trashcan. He stopped at the last one, the one addressed to him, kinked an eyebrow and tore it open.

I sauntered slowly towards Bella. She was standing by the stove pushing some eggs back and forth in a pan.

"Good Morning," I smiled, leaning up against the countertop.

"Good Morning Edward." She kept her eyes on the eggs.

Charlie suddenly pushed his chair back and stomped out of the room muttering to himself.

As soon as he was out of sight Bella dropped the act and turned towards me.

"Did he see anything in your room?" I whispered, leaning in close to her.

"No I pushed it all under my bed before he came in." She bit her lip and glanced around me, waiting for her dad to come back. "I wonder what's gotten into him."

"Not sure."

"Hey I'm sorry about last night. It got a little out of control."

I wasn't sure if she was talking about the excessive drinking, the almost kiss, or the awkward wake up this morning. Or all of it.

"It's okay. It was my fault too."

She laughed and turned back to her eggs. "Are you hungry?"

My eyes narrowed at the eggs and my stomach started churning. "Uh…"

"Not ready yet huh?" She scooped some on a plate for herself and pulled herself up onto the countertop.

"Nope. Not even close."

"I remember those days. My little lightweight," she laughed and patted my head.

"Yeah, yeah." I turned and started out of the room.

"What's that?"

I turned back towards Bella. She was stuffing a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

"What's what?"

"That thing in your back pocket."

I smiled slightly, realizing she was staring at my ass as I walked out. Her cheeks turned a deep red as she realized it too.

"It's an invitation to a benefit at the hospital."

"When is it?"

"It's uh…It's tonight." I shuffled my feet back and forth and cleared my throat.

"Oh. Are you going to go?"

"No I don't think so."

"Well why not?" She jumped down from the counter and set her plate in the sink.

"Well your dad's going out of town…"

Her face fell. "And you can't go because you have to babysit me. This is ridiculous Edward, you should be able to go." She shrugged her shoulders.

"It's fine. It's just a bunch of rich snooty people showing off how much money they have." I tried to brush it off. I didn't want her feeling guilty about it.

"And I'm assuming your family too?"

"Yeah. Listen it's not a big deal. It's fine."

"It is a big deal." She started out of the kitchen and I knew she was going to talk to her dad.

"Bella please…" I tried to grab her arm but she zoomed past me and towards her father's office. She was just about to knock on the door when it whipped open. Charlie stood in the doorway, his face red and his shoulders heaving up and down.

"Edward I need to speak with you. In private." His eyes darted to Bella and she backed away.

I nodded and stepped inside his office. He closed the door behind him.

"I've just been on the phone with my surperiors…trying to get out of this trip I have to take this weekend."

"Why sir?" I squeaked. He knew. He knew what happened last night. I was going to get fired. Bella was going to be in deep shit. He could probably throw me in jail if he wanted to.

He walked slowly around his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sat down in his chair. He slid a piece of paper across his desk.

"I received this in the mail this morning," he said softly, still looking down at his desk. I stepped around the chair and took a seat, leaning forward to examine the piece of paper. Written again, in black marker, was _"Kiss your daughter goodnight tonight. It might be the last time you'll see her alive_." My fists clenched tightly around the paper, scrunching it at the rims. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Do you know who it's from?" I asked when I was finally able to speak again.

"No. I received one similar five months ago, but it wasn't this…forward. We investigated, nothing ever came of it."

"This is serious Charlie." I set the paper back down on his desk.

"I know. That's why I was trying to get out of my trip. Unfortunately I can't. Now I need to be completely clear. You and Bella are to always be in earshot of one another this weekend. You will sleep in the guest bedroom beside hers, so please go get anything you'll need from your house."

"Yes sir." I stood up and started to the door. I guess any shot of making it to the benefit was gone now.

"Edward?"

"Yeah."

"Don't tell Bella please. I don't want her to know."

I nodded my head in silent understanding and left the room. I quickly collected some things from my house and came back to the main house.

"End of discussion Bella." Charlie huffed. He started towards the door, his duffel bag in his hands.

"But it isn't fair to Edward."

I sighed and interrupted. "Please Bella this isn't necessary."

"Plain and simple Bella. Edward goes everywhere you go. You go everywhere Edward goes."

We both raised our eyebrows at him.

"Well…with a few exceptions." He opened the door and stepped outside. "Gotta go." He gave me a glance before closing the door behind him.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I feel terrible."

"Bella stop being overly dramatic." I laughed and brushed it off. My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I already knew who it was.

"Hey Emmett."

"Bro! What time should we pick you up tonight?"

I glanced towards Bella. Her eyes darted to the floor and I knew she'd heard. I smiled and ducked into the next room.

"Sorry Em, I can't come tonight." I shrugged my shoulders. "Work."

"What? Dad's gonna be pissed."

"Yeah I know. Tell him I'm really sorry. It's kind of an emergency."

"Alright man I'll tell him."

I sighed and hung up the phone, hurrying back to Bella before she started wallowing in unnecessary guilt. She was gone. I looked up at her bedroom and her door was closed. I decided to leave her alone for awhile and went to watch television in my temporary bedroom. I eventually drifted off to sleep and woke up, realizing I slept almost all day. I reached my arms above my head and glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the afternoon. The benefit was going to start in a couple of hours and I'm sure I'd be hearing it from Emmett. In all honesty, Carlisle probably wouldn't be too pissed if he really knew what it was about. Disappointed I wasn't there, but not pissed.

There was a soft knock on my door and I got out of bed and shuffled across the room, still half asleep. I opened the door and my jaw dropped.

"Bella?"

She smoothed out the long black dress against her body and smiled.

"Do I look okay?" She gently touched the diamond necklace draped around her neck and ran her fingers across her hair, which was delicately curled and pulled onto one shoulder.

"You look…beautiful."

"I wasn't really sure what people wear to these benefit things. I've never been to one before."

I shook my head, trying to wake up. "I'm sorry what?"

"Well if it's okay…I'll go to the benefit with you." She shrugged her shoulders. "So you can spend time with your family."

"Wow Bella…that's really nice of you, but you don't have to do that." I was kind of in shock that she was offering to do this. I mean not that I didn't think Bella was a nice person. She could be a bitch sometimes, but I liked the girl. But this was far beyond what I ever would have expected from her.

I ran my fingers across the stubble on my chin, inadvertently smiling while I looked at her again. She did look beautiful. She must have spent hours getting ready. Not that she needed it. I'd always found her naturally beautiful, but she was just…fucking glowing.

"Please Edward," Bella whined. She smiled because she knew exactly what she was doing. She twirled back and forth, clutching her purse in front of her.

"We'd have to leave like…now. And I need to shower…" I said, trying to make excuses.

Bella leaned in sniffed at my collar. "You smell fine. And the stubble is sexy. So you just need to change. Come on." She grabbed my hand and toted me downstairs.

I felt the damn butterflies in my stomach when she said that. I didn't think it was directed at me…per say. She probably just meant stubble in general, right?

We ran from the main house and down to my house so I could grab some dress clothes. I flew into the bathroom and pulled my shirt off. I heard Bella rummaging around in the drawers.

"Here wear this!" She threw a shirt at me.

I leaned forward and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to straighten it out from my impromptu nap.

"And these!" The pants landed with a thud on the floor. I pulled my sweatpants down without another thought and started putting on the dress pants. I stopped momentarily with one leg in and one leg out. Bella was watching me in the reflection of the mirror as I got dressed, a strange look on her face. Almost like she was having World War III inside her pretty little head. Her face was scrunched up one second and completely relaxed the next. She jumped when I cleared my throat.

"Oh sorry." She spun around while I put the rest of my clothes on.

I quickly pulled the rest of my pants on and tucked the bottom of my shirt in. I glanced at the time as I flipped my watch over my wrist. We were going to be a little late. I hope Carlilse didn't mind.

I spun around and ran out of the bathroom, grabbing my keys off the table and starting towards the door. Bella grabbed her purse and my jacket, holding it out for me. I slipped my arms inside and she took a step in front of me, pulling and straightening the jacket.

"See?" She said smiling. "You look perfect."

"Eh, it'll have to do I guess. Let's go."

We ran out to the driveway and I stopped briefly to open her door for her. She smiled at the gesture and quickly got inside, snapping her seatbelt on before I even made it around to my side.

I sped down the driveway, my foot pressing too hard on the gas pedal. I barely stopped at the end and quickly turned onto the road heading into town.

Bella kept sneaking glances at me from the corner of her eye and I was sure I had something on my face or missed a button on my shirt, which happened quite often actually.

"What?" I finally asked.

"Nothing," she smiled, still looking at me. My breath hitched in my throat when she reached out and ran her finger lightly along my jaw. "I just...I think I kinda like this whole unshaven look."

I tried to hide my smile, but I felt the corners of my mouth turn up slightly despite my resistance. This girl was bending and breaking me beyond anything I've ever known. I knew it wasn't good and I knew I should stop it. But I can't. Those fucking butterflies were back again. I couldn't ever...ever act on them. Never get as close as I did the other night. But I can still feel. It's the most I can do, but just that small bit is worth it. I hope Bella doesn't know what's going on behind this tough exterior I'm trying to put off. But I had a feeling she did. And a part of me wished like hell that she was feeling the same way.

I shook my head and sighed, glancing out the window to break away from my thoughts. I knew they were wrong, but this aching in my chest showed that my heart didn't. If I didn't stop this soon I knew I'd end up falling for this girl. And that would be a big mistake.

I chanced a look at her and regretted it the instant I did. Her head was turned gazing out the window, her neck craned and lengthened out beautifully. As we passed under the dim streetlights the shadows danced across her skin, over her collarbone and into the creases of her chest. I forced my eyes forward and gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white.

"Edward are you okay?"

I gulped hard and managed a response as we pulled into the hotel. I slowed to a stop in the front and a valet stepped towards me to take the car. I walked around and opened Bella's door, offering her my arm and leading her towards the door.

"Name please?" The man at the door asked. He held a fancy clipboard and stood behind an expensive looking rope. I peeked around him and inside. A flurry of people stood in the lobby, handing their coats to the girls at the coatcheck and chatting among themselves.

"Edward Cullen."

The man scanned his clipboard for a brief moment before smiling at us and lifting the rope. "Please come in Mr. Cullen. There's a coat check in the lobby as well as a bar. The staff will inform the group when dinner is ready and will lead you to the grand ballroom. Enjoy your evening." He nodded and stepped aside.

I led Bella inside and scanned the crowd for my family. Her eyes went directly for the bar and I felt her tugging me towards me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked.

"Come on Edward. You said you'd lighten up."

"Lightening up doesn't include letting an underage girl drink in public. And you promised you'd tone it down, remember?"

"I remember." She smiled and I knew she would stay in line for the night.

I spotted my family standing along the wall on the other side of the room. I pulled Bella through the crowd, keeping my hand on the small of her back the entire way. I noticed a few stares from my father's coworkers. They obviously knew me, and apparently they knew who Bella was too. I can only imagine how this looks now that I think about it. Maybe it was a bad idea to come.

"Edward." Carlisle straightened up. "Emmett informed me you weren't going to be able to make it."

I laughed nervously. "Change of plans."

"And who is this?" Carlisle smiled and turned his eyes to Bella.

"I'm Bella," she said before I could introduce her, sticking her hand out to shake Carlisle's.

"Hello Bella."

"Bella, it's so wonderful to meet you," Esme said, shaking Bella's hand. She gave me an overly joyous smile and I knew all the crazy things she was thinking. The bad thing was that she was ecstatic about it.

"Fancy seeing you here." Emmett's voice boomed from behind me. He stepped next to Esme, toting Rosalie by his side. She and I definitely had our differences, but in a weird way we always knew we kick someone's ass for each other. She wasn't my sister yet technically, but I knew she was right for my brother, even if she was a bitch. I saw her appraise Bella and lift a questioning eyebrow in my direction. I rolled my eyes and shifted myself to create a little more space between me and Bella. She didn't seem to notice.

"And you must be Bella..." Emmett said, taking her hand in his and kissing it.

"You must be Emmett," Bella smiled. It was strange, seeing her like this. I mean this in the best possible way, but she was actually acting normal.

Carlisle motioned for a waiter and whispered in his ear, most likely telling them we'd need an extra place setting at our table. I hadn't had time to call and tell them I was bringing a guest.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Dinner is served." A man opened the two large doors across from us and the people started pouring inside.

We followed the masses towards the ballroom. Bella was talking with Esme as we approached the doors. Emmett nudged me with his elbow and smirked.

"So. Dating the boss's daughter huh?"

"No," I whispered. "We're not...dating."

"You're not?" His eyes widened.

"No. No of course not. We're just friends. She offered to tag along tonight so I could actually come."

"Gotcha." He winked and caught up with Rosalie. Once he'd made his damn mind up about something there was no changing it. And apparently he was convinced there was something going on between us.

Bella slowed in front of me and turned around smiling, waiting for me to catch up.

"You ready?" She said, taking my arm.

"I guess so." I grasped her tight and we took our first step into the ballroom.

**Bella**

I gasped as we stepped into the ballroom. It was probably the biggest room I've ever seen in my entire life. Everything was immaculately decorated in almost every shade of blue and purple imaginable. Flowers, table cloths, napkins, balloons, fabric, chairs...everything was beautiful. Small hints of silver touched the room and made it sparkle.

"Are you okay?" Edward tugged on my arm. I hadn't realized I'd completely stopped walking.

"Yeah," I said, slowly starting to walk again. "This is amazing."

"Yeah they always go all out for this," he chuckled. "I think it's a little extravagant..."

"Sometimes a little extravagance is okay."

He led me to a table where his family was already seated. They all seemed incredibly nice. I could see where Edward got his charm from. They all smiled and stared as Edward pulled my chair out for me. Well everyone except for the gorgeous blonde sitting next to Emmett. I didn't catch her name but I felt like that death glare was the only expression she had up her sleeve. I tried to avoid her and scooted my chair in as Edward sat down next to me.

A flurry of waiters bustled around the table, bringing the food to us. One set down a plate in front of me and I picked up my fork to poke and prod at it before taking a bite.

"Holy shit." I said in awe, a little louder than I intended. I looked up and felt my cheeks turn red hot. His entire family was staring at me, eyes wide. Except for Emmett. He was choking on his food because he had started laughing hysterically. Rosalie pummeled him a few times on his back and he finally started breathing normally again.

"I'm sorry. This is just...so good," I said, trying to explain my outburst. Carlisle was the first to chuckle under his breath. He pulled his napkin up to cover his mouth, but as soon as Edward saw it he started laughing and it was contagious. I felt the laughter rising up in me and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I finished the last of my food, savoring each and every bite because it was so delicious. I placed my fork down on my plate and leaned back, sighing in complete satisfaction.

"Excuse me, I need to use the restroom." I stood up and paused as Edward gracefully stood halfway up in his chair and sat back down, just like they did in the old movies. I smiled warmly to myself and started across the room.

I swore under my breath when I got to the bathroom. There was a line. I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited. Once I finally got into a stall I quickly locked it and opened my purse. I had to place everything just right to get the flask to fit, but I'd done it. I promised Edward I'd tone it down, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be a saint. I smiled and took a few swigs from the flask before stepping back out into the bathroom. I walked over to a long mirror, where several girls were perfecting their appearance and started smoothing some gloss over my lips. My thoughts drifted to a place where they'd been quite frequently lately as I leaned in closer and dabbed at my eye make up. Edward. He looked so handsome tonight, almost delicious. I couldn't help myself in the car I had to reach out and touch him. Especially with his almost beard starting to appear. It was different than I'd ever seen him. I was used to clean shaven, straight line Edward. It was nice to see him stray...crack a little. I liked to think that I was the reason...at least part of it.

I stepped back from the mirror and noticed a strawberry blonde with a pretty face staring at me. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her expression didn't seem friendly.

"Hi," I said smiling as I turned and started towards the door.

"Did I see you were sitting with the Cullens?"

I stopped and turned back to face her. "Yes you did."

"Did they finally adopt another kid?" She smirked. I had a feeling this bitch was looking to get knocked out.

"No. I'm here with Edward."

"Oh really?" She laughed. "And who are you?"

"Bella Swan."

"The police commissioner's daughter? Guess Edward stooped lower than I thought he would."

I felt my hands clenched into fists beside me, but I held it back. I told myself I'd behave tonight. I didn't want to embarrass Edward or Carlisle.

"Not that I really care, but why would you say that?"

She started walking towards me. "Because I was his date last year."

"Should that mean something to me?"

She stopped directly in front of me and smiled. "I don't think I properly introduced myself. I'm Tanya Denali."

Her comment made sense now. If I remembered correctly Jake was in the Denali wing of the hospital last year after he crashed his bike. Her father must be a big supporter of the hospital.

"Well Tanya I guess there's a reason you weren't his date again this year. Excuse me." I spun around and left the bathroom, starting to feel the affects of the alcohol through my body.

The band had started playing and a few people moved to the dancefloor as I made my way back to the table.

"Is everything okay?" Edward leaned in closer to me as soon as I sat down.

"Everything's great."

His nose wrinkled and I was sure he could smell the alcohol on my breath. His brow furrowed, preparing for a rant, but thankfully Carlisle interrupted him.

"Excuse me Edward, but do you mind if I ask your beautiful date to dance?"

Edward held my eyes for a moment more, conveying more than he ever could with words at the moment. "Of course." He sat back and sighed.

I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at Carlilse, taking his hand. Honestly I hate dancing. With a passion. But I was willing to suffer through it if it saved me from the wrath of Edward.

Carlisle led me onto the dance floor and twirled me around, pulling me close.

"Thank you for coming tonight Bella. It means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to Edward."

"Well he's been very good to me sir. I felt like I owed him something."

"Please call me Carlilse."

I nodded as he spun me around.

"So he's doing okay? Not being too tough on you I hope."

"No. He's doing fine." I laughed and stumbled a little over my own feet. Carlisle caught me, not even acknowledging my slip up and kept on dancing.

We made small talk for another song, but his face suddenly changed and he dropped his hand from my waist. He reached to his side and I noticed his beeper was going off.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I have to take this. Excuse me." He quickly departed and left me standing alone on the dancefloor. I stood there for a few moments and spun around to go back to the table. I gasped as I ran straight into Edward.

"I was going to ask to cut in but I guess that isn't necessary..." He said, taking my waist in his hand and pulling me closer to him.

"He had to go. His beeper went off."

Edward nodded softly and reached for my hand. We didn't speak as we spun slowly to the music. I felt his hand start to inch lower and lower on my back until it rested just at the small of my back. I instinctively pushed myself a little closer to him and rested my chin on his shoulder. I could feel the energy between us, almost like static electricity. I turned my face slightly towards him and my skin brushed briefly against his. His hand gripped tighter at my back. My fingers wandered idly across his shoulder and I wondered if he could feel it too. He pulled his face away to look at me.

"I thought you were going to behave tonight..." He said softly.

"Who says I'm not behaving?"

Our faces were mere inches from each other, just like we'd been last night and I almost felt the urge to kiss him. I closed my eyes, trying to fight it and I jumped slightly when I felt him move closer and place his forehead softly against mine.

"Bella..." He said under his breath. "I know what you're feeling right now. But don't." I should have been hurt by his words, but I knew he didn't say it to hurt me. He wanted me to understand. And I did more than ever. At least I knew this hot and cold thing between us wasn't just one sided. He was fighting it just as much as I was.

As the song ended I slowly opened my eyes to find him staring intently at me. I reached up and lightly grabbed hold of his chin, fully prepared to go against what he just told me, but just as I leaned in, his eyes drifted behind me and caught something. His face scrunched up in concern and he let go of me and brushed past without a word. I stood alone in the middle of the dance floor, just trying to catch my breath from what had happened. The world finally stopped spinning and I started back towards the table. Everyone was gone except for Rosalie, and I almost turned around when I saw she was sitting with Tanya. Their stares followed me from the dance floor. They weren't angry or jealous, just observant. And that scared me. When I was dancing with Edward it felt like it was just us, like no one could see us. Maybe that's why I'd acted so bold. But now I realized that we weren't alone. People could see us. And from Tanya and Rosalie's faces they'd seen more than I wanted.

I cleared my throat and sat down at the table, rummaging through my purse.

"Edward made a quick departure from the dance floor," Tanya said to Rosalie, clearly keeping her eyes on me.

"Yeah he's over there talking to Carlisle and some of the other doctors." She nodded towards the front door. I turned around and spotted them along the wall. Carlisle and a few older men were talking to Edward, none of them looking too happy. But Edward looked devestated. My chest ached seeing his face so pained.

"Do you think it's..." Tanya started.

I didn't hear the rest because I had grabbed my bag and started towards Edward. I pushed my way through the crowds of people, trying not to lose sight of him. His face had turned a bright red and it almost looked like he was arguing or yelling at the group of men. I was about halfway across the room when Carlisle reached out for Edward, but he violently shook him away and walked out the doors behind him. I started running towards the doors, hoping I could still find him. I passed Carlisle on the way and he said something to me, but I didn't hear him.

The lobby was completely empty except for the man with the clipboard standing at the entrance talking with the valet, who was bent over on the floor picking up a pile of keys on the floor.

"Sir he wouldn't even let me get his car for him. Just asked for the keys and where it was... When I wouldn't give it to him he threw the board down on the floor and took his keys from the pile." The valet explained to the man.

"Good thing his father is the most respected doctor in town..." The man said.

I shoved past them and out into the parking lot. I saw headlights and heard screeching tires coming from the direction of the parking lot so I took a chance and stood in the middle of the driveway, watching him approach. The car honked a few times in a desperate last minute attempt to get me to move but I just closed my eyes and waited for him to stop. Tires screeched and I felt a whoosh of air. When I opened my eyes again the car was stopped inches from my body. Edward sat, wide eyed behind the wheel, his shoulders heaving up and down.

I ran around and opened the door, sitting myself down in the passenger's seat.

"Get out of the car Bella," Edward said through clenched teeth, his eyes still straight ahead.

"No."

"Get. Out."

"No."

"Get out of the fucking car!" He yelled, slamming his fist down on the steering wheel.

I crossed my arms and turned my face towards him. "No," I said adamantly.

"Fine." He hit the gas and we sped out of the parking lot. I didn't ask where we were going, but I knew we weren't going back to my house when we passed the road. We drove for almost an hour, coming to a dirt road. He turned down it and continued slowly until we came to a clearing. I could make out the shape of a giant, billowing tree in front of us. He parked directly below it and shut the car off.

I didn't want to pressure him to talk about it so I just waited. He leaned his head back against the seat and rested his hands in his lap. A few minutes later I noticed a tear slip down his cheek and land on his jacket.

I didn't understand. I didn't understand what was making him so upset. I didn't understand how to make it better. I didn't understand how he could be so rattled right now.

I took off my seatbelt and turned my whole body towards him, slowly slipping my hand across and taking his. His eyes slowly opened and gazed down at our hands, resting lightly in his lap.

"You don't have to talk about it...but you can if you want to."

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Did Carlisle say something that upset you?"

He nodded again.

"Is it about you?"

He shook his head. I pulled my knees up onto the seat.

"Is it about me?"

"No Bella it's not about you, for once."

I pulled my hand back, taken by surprise at the harsh tone of his words. How could he be so cruel right now? I reached for the handle of the door and got out of the car. He followed soon after.

"I'm sorry," he said, running his hands through his hair.

"I'm trying to fucking be nice to you when you're obviously upset about something and you go and say some asshole thing like that? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled.

"I said I'm sorry," he said, stubbornly resting his hands on his hips.

"Not okay," I said staring into his eyes and walking past him.

"Where are you going?" I heard him take a few steps in my direction as I started down the street.

"I'm walking back home because I'm obviously not wanted here."

"Bella please. Just wait!" He caught up to me and grabbed onto my arm, whipping me back around to face him. "Look I'm sorry, I'm just...I just got some really bad news okay. Come back to the car and we can talk." He started back towards the car. "Please?" He paused and waited for me to come. "Bella please. I need you." He looked off into the distance, almost as if he didn't want to admit it.

I contemplated for a moment before walking back to the car. He sat beside me, fidgeting nervously with his hands.

"You said you wanted to talk. So talk." I pulled my legs up and turned to face him.

"Look something...something bad happened about a year ago. Something really bad."

"What? An accident?"

His eyes stared straight ahead, almost like they were far away. "It doesn't matter. One of my best friends...he died that day Bella. And another one almost did."

"Okay," I whispered, searching his face for more answers.

"When Carlisle got that page tonight...it was about him. He's been in a coma since it happened and he hasn't been doing...well lately. His family is thinking about taking him off life support."

"God Edward..." I sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"And the thing that just...pisses me off is I know he's fighting." He started crying again. "Dammit he's a fighter," he said a little more angry. "And I know it's their decision, but I just..." He bit anxiously on his thumb as he cried and eventually buried his head in his hands, grasping his hair tightly.

I was in shock. I had no idea any of this was going on below the surface. I didn't realize he was so vulnerable, so open to hurt. It broke my heart to see him like this. I leaned slowly over the console and took his face in my hands, kissing the top of his head lightly. He sniffled and tilted his head up towards me. I gently wiped his tears away from his eyes, trying to offer any kind of comfort I could, but I found myself inching closer to him. It was almost like he was my own sun, I was pulled towards him like gravity. I gazed down at his lips and then one more time up into his eyes, almost asking for permission. He answered by pushing his forehead into mine and inching his lips closer to mine. When they finally touched a fire erupted deep inside of me. It was almost like everything I'd felt between us had been amplified by a thousand the moment our lips touched. I grasped onto his shirt and pulled my entire body into his seat, settling onto his lap. His hands rested onto my thighs and started roaming up and down, going higher up my dress each time.

The kiss started soft and slow, but started to build with intensity with each moment. I pulled back a little and took his bottom lip in between my teeth, eliciting a groan from him. I placed soft kisses down his jaw and started nibbling lightly on his neck. I didn't notice his grip on me lessen, or his effort to create space between us. I turned my attention back to his lips but suddenly realized he wasn't kissing me back. I pulled away and found his face formed into a hard line, almost on the verge of breaking.

"I shouldn't have done that..." He whispered, turning his eyes to mine. He reached up and caressed my face, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. I nodded in understanding, my own tears starting to form at the corners of my eyes, as I leaned forward and rested my forehead onto his chest.

**A/N: I'm hungry for some reviews. nom nom.**


	7. It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

**A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating in the past couple days. The dreaded school monster has started up again so I promise I will update as often as is possible.**

**Secondly I know I say it a lot but thank you for all your responses to this story. It means a lot. I just went with a whim and I'm loving how its turning out. And thanks for all the recommendations, I can tell you guys are spreading the word about it and I reallllly appreciate it.**

**Lastly, more thanks to my 2 "betas" Other Amanda and secamimom. And if you haven't yet, go read secamimom's stories because she is awesome and is always excited about my stories. So I'm excited for her stories.**

**And on we go to the aftermath of "the kiss." Enjoy.  
**

**Bella**

I didn't sleep the entire night. My eyes drifted to the clock every few minutes only to discover it'd been an hour. My head was spinning so much I couldn't even feel the utter exhaustion coursing through my body. If that kiss in the car wasn't enough to break me, the tense silence on the car ride home was. He didn't say a word. Not one. I thought he was mad at me. I thought he regretted it. I thought he hated me. And for a moment...just one solitary moment, he made me regret it too. But that passed just as soon as it had come and I realized I didn't regret it. The only reason I could possibly have for regretting it was because now I knew what it was like to kiss him. To feel his soft, perfect lips against mine. To feel his hands on me. Now I wanted all that again and I knew I couldn't have it. It was almost as excruiating as never knowing what it at all.

I turned over one last time and noticed the first streaks of the morning light creeping through my window. It had to be after five. I sighed and pulled myself out of bed. I didn't know if Edward was awake yet, but we'd been running together every morning so I thought I should go wake him up to see if he wanted to go. I pulled my tennis shoes on and secured my hair into a pony before skipping downstairs and out the door. Edward's house was dark and quiet, he must not be awake. I hesitated a moment outside his door and knocked slowly. A sharp panic coursed through me as soon as I did. Maybe he really didn't want to see me. Would it be too awkward after last night?

I held my breath and waited for him to answer but he never did. I put my hands on my hips and sauntered over to his garage to see if his car was still here. The volvo was parked right where we left it last night. I shrugged my shoulders, wondering where the hell he would have gone, and started running off towards the woods. I froze about halfway there when Edward's figure emerged from the trees. He'd gone without me.

I fought back the tears that had somehow crept into my eyes as he approached. Why was I so upset over something so stupid? He didn't owe me anything. He slowed as he reached me and put his hands on his hips.

"Hey," he said softly.

"You didn't..." I started. "I thought you'd wait for me Edward."

"Sorry. I didn't sleep much last night and I didn't want to wake you." He nodded and put on a fake smile as he passed me. He was making excuses.

"Bullshit..." I mumbled, starting towards the woods again.

"Excuse me?"

I spun around to face him. "You heard me. I said bullshit. You're already avoiding me."

"Why would I avoid you?"

"Because of what happened last night."

"Bella last night was nothing. We just got caught up in the moment. We just made a mistake right?"

I felt my face flush with embarassment. Of course it was a mistake to him. Of course I blew it way out of proportion. It meant more to me than it did to him. Not that I planned on it, or even really liked it, but I was slowly starting to realize that beyond any reason or any thought I was starting to feel something for him. It didn't make sense and it sure as hell wasn't good. We could never be. I knew that but it didn't stop it. I had a feeling nothing could stop it now, but I took some comfort in the fact that he obviously didn't feel the same way. It helped to me avoid ever feeling like this again.

"Right," I said softly. "A mistake." I quickly wiped a stray tear from my cheek and ran towards the woods.

I ran faster and longer than I had. I ignored the intense burning in my legs and the pain of my lungs gasping for air. I wanted to be as far away from the house for as long as possible. It was an escape and it gave me a high better than anything I've ever smoked or drank. And I needed the escape. Going back to the house meant seeing him and I didn't know how the hell I was supposed to act as normal as he just did. Was what happened last night really that insignificant to him? I didn't know how, but even I knew that last night changed everything. Everything. My life was never going to be the same.

I unconsciously found myself slowly making my way back to the house. I went straight to the house, fighting the urge to glance at his house. My muscles were already starting to hurt and I could tell that I was going to pay for what I just did tomorrow. I took a quick shower and decided to call Alice to fill her in on the Edward situation while I made myself breakfast.

I dialed her number and turned the stove on in one simultaneous move and reached for the eggs.

"Talk to me," Alice answered.

I could only muster a sigh.

"Uh oh. Spill."

"Where do I start Al?"

"Usually at the beginning."

"Okay." I proped the phone between my shoulder and ear while I cracked a few eggs over the pan and proceeded to tell Alice all the details of last night. "And then I just...kissed him."

I instinctively dropped the phone on the floor when Alice squealed louder than a fog horn into my ear.

"You might want to put the excitement on hold until I finish."

"Okay go on."

"This morning he went on a run...without me. Which sounds so stupid and I know he hasn't been here long, but that's our thing Alice. And then when I finally saw him he said last night was a mistake."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"Well it's not a big deal right? I mean you were just looking for a little action on the side?" She edged.

I kept my mouth shut and stirred my eggs around one last time. I slopped them onto a plate and doused them with salt and pepper before pulling myself into my usual spot on the counter.

"Fuck Bella! You don't actually have feelings for this guy do you?"

"I don't know okay? I don't do...feelings. I don't do relationships. That's not me. But he...he almost makes me want to be different. Better."

"Shit..." Alice whispered.

"I know." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and leaned back against the wall. "I don't know what to do. This is way beyond anything I ever wanted. I'm not ready for this. And it's obviously not even a thought in his mind so I guess it doesn't matter." The more I thought about it the more I got angry, which is something I didn't expect. Hurt...embrassment...Those are things I would expect. Never really thought I'd want to punch him in the face and kiss him again at the same time.

"You need something. Something fun." I could almost hear the little wheels in her mind turning. "Charlie's out of town right?"

"Yeah he'll be back late tomorrow probably."

"How about we have a little fiesta tonight? Your place?"

"Are you kidding? Edward would never let me have a party."

"What the hell is he going to do? Physically throw out thirty people?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Bella don't worry about anything. I'll get all the supplies and call everyone. You just make sure you look like your amazingly cute self at eight and I'll take care of the rest. I'll be there around seven to get everything ready."

"Okay." I winced as I hung up the phone. Alice was right, I needed some fun in my life right now. Sure the running thing gave me a great release, but there was no way I do that all the time. And the way things were going with Edward today I'd need another little jump later. A party was perfect. Quick, easy way out.

I smiled as I finished the rest of my eggs and skipped towards the stairs to go pick out something to wear tonight.

"Woah!" Edward said as I ran straight into him.

"Oh. Sorry," I said, stepping back. Cue awkward, intense silent stare. "Okay." I started up the steps.

"Can I ask what your plans are for the day...night...evening?"

I stopped and wondered if I should actually tell him or act surprised when a ton of teenagers burst through the front door.

"Nothing," I squeaked.

"Oh so you weren't just talking to Alice about having a party here?" He raised an eyebrow.

My hands bunched into fists beside me as I stormed down the stairs.

"What the hell were you doing? Listening to my phone call?" I pushed him in the chest but he didn't budge.

"It wasn't on purpose. I think the whole "Edward would never let me have a party" gave it away. Maybe you should find a more private place to have those kinds of converstaions if you plan on getting away with it."

I pushed away any thoughts on what else he might have heard for the moment.

"And by the way you were right. You're not having a party. Call her back." He started into the kitchen.

"No." I crossed my arms and waited.

"No?" His face peered around the corner.

"No. It's my house and I'm having a party."

"Bella while Charlie's gone I'm in charge and I'm telling you it's not happening." His nostrils flared a little and I could tell he was trying to hold it back. I smirked a little to myself, thinking how sexy he was when he was angry.

"It's happening." I turned around and stomped into my room, slamming the door behind me and clicking down the lock.

"Dammit Bella!" Edward tried the handle and groaned when he found it locked.

"No."

"Let me in." He knocked loudly.

"No fuck off."

He stayed a few more seconds before I heard him turn and go down the stairs. He was probably sitting on the couch right now pouting, angrily flipping through the channels on the television.

I sighed and walked over to my closet. I searched through everything...twice, without deciding on something. I finally remembered the new shirt Alice had bought me at the mall the other day. I walked over to the other side of my bed and found the bag still sitting there. I reached in and searched around the room for something to cut the tags off. There was no way I was going downstairs to get scissors. I smiled when I saw the pan for the brownies from the other night, a sharp knife sticking out. Sure I probably could have used a regular less serial killer looking one to cut brownies but I can't justify my decisions when I'm drunk and high.

I grabbed the knife and snipped off all the tags I could find. I spun around to throw them away and accidentally dropped the knife back in the pan. They both fell to the floor, spilling brownie remanants everywhere.

"Great," I whispered, kneeling down to pick everything up. I grabbed the pan and got all the bits of brownie I could muster. As I reached for the knife I noticed something peaking out from under my bed. My fingers slowly grazed over the picture as my breath caught in my throat. It was from my fourteenth birthday. My mom and Phil had taken me out to eat and asked the waiter to take a picture of us. Seeing his face made a shiver run down my spine.

I had no idea how it got there. I'd made a point to have a ritual burning of any picture I ever had with him when I first moved here. That one must have escaped the inferno. My hands clammed up tight as I examined the picture more. The sickening fake smile across his face made me want to throw up. It was almost as fake as mine. That was one of the last times before I stopped pretending that everything was okay.

I felt the warm liquid on my hand before I felt the pain. When I looked down I immediately dropped the knife blade I'd been clenching to reveal a deep gash across my palm. The blood spilled out onto my carpet, creating dark spots underneath me. I was in shock. Not just over my hand, but the picture stunned me, knocked me over more than anything in awhile. I'd made such a desperate attempt to avoid any piece of them, any evidence that proved they actually existed. When something like that suddenly jumps out at you it's hard to take.

I slowly, calmly got up and unlocked my door. There was no panic, no distress in my step as I made my way back down the stairs. I simply clutched at my hand and watched the blood seep out. Edward was sitting at the television, just like I thought he would be, muttering to himself.

"Edward..." I said softly.

"What?" He said, his voice stern. He didn't turn.

"Edward, I...I cut my hand."

He finally turned around and his eyes widened as he saw me.

"Jesus Bella!" He ran to me and took my injured hand in his. "What the hell?" He looked in my eyes, but they stared back blankly. I will still back in my room, holding onto that disgusting picture.

"Bella we need to get this taken care of..." I felt him pull me towards the kitchen but my feet were frozen. "Bella!" He shook me once more before giving up and sweeping me up into his arms. He carried me into the kitchen and set me on the countertop, grabbing a towel from the drawer and pressing it tightly to my hand. I looked down at my hand as he worked, not flinching when I saw the skin sliced clean across my entire hand.

Edward held the towel to me with one hand and reached for his phone.

"Carlisle," he said. "Bella's cut her hand pretty badly. I think she needs stitches, I don't know what to do." He pulled the towel back slightly. "Okay thanks."

He brushed some hair away from my face and caressed my cheek. It almost felt like...like he cared.

"Bella?" He grabbed softly onto my chin and pulled my eyes up to his. "Bella what happened?"

I lost it, my chest heaving out in sobs as I collapsed into his arms. His arms were stiff around me for a long moment before he softened and started rubbing slowly up and down my back.

"It's okay." He bent down and laid his head down on my shoulder as I cried into his shirt. My free hand grasped at it, twisting into all kinds of a mess on his back.

And then it just stopped. I sniffled a few times as the sobs faded and my breathing returned to normal, but we didn't move. He held onto me and I held onto him for a long time.

I finally pulled away, but avoided his eyes. I was scared of what I would see in them.

"I found a picture. Of me and my mom...and Phil. It's so stupid." I shook my head. "I guess I kind of freaked out and I had the knife in my hand..." I nodded down to my palm and the towel drenched in blood.

"Where is it?"

"In my room."

"Hold this here." He motioned to the towel and disappeared. He came back a minute later holding the picture. His eyes searched the room for something and he finally ran to the sink and pushed the picture down into the garbage disposal. It clanked to life as he flipped the switch and I sat amazed by what he just did.

"I think that's probably a biohazard."

"Oh well. Throwing it in the trash didn't seem good enough." He shrugged and returned to his former position, nestled between my knees holding the towel to my skin.

"Thank you," I sniffled.

He smiled. "You're welcome."

I knew I had to look away, because if I look into his deep green eyes too long I lose myself. But it was too late. I found myself inching closer to him, moving my face slowly towards his. His eyes widened when he realized what I was doing, but he didn't move. I grabbed onto the chest of his shirt and pulled him to me. He breathed hard once or twice through his nose, almost as if he was trying to silently resist, but one of his hands gripped tightly onto my hip as he leaned in.

I closed my eyes in anticipation, but felt his grip loosen at the two beeps of the intercom.

"It must be Carlilse. I should go let him in." He dropped his hands and went into the foyer. He buzzed Carlilse in and a few minutes later they were both bustling into the kitchen.

"Hello again Isabella."

"Hi Dr. Cullen."

"I told you to call me Carlilse," he smiled, setting a bag up on the counter. "Let's survey the damage."

I held out my hand to him and he pulled the towel away.

"Oh yes. Definitely needs stitches. You did good by calling me son." He rummaged around in his bag and pulled out a few things. Edward stood by the kitchen table, refusing to look at me. "It was a knife right?"

I nodded.

"Okay I'm going to do a tetanus shot just to be safe and then I'll do the stitches."

I nodded again. He reached in and grabbed a syringe, after he had cleaned a small patch of skin on my arm.

"Little pinch."

I winced slightly as the needle went into my skin.

"Alright I'm just going to numb the area now so I can do the stitches." He gave me another shot around my hand and set everything up for the stitches. "You shouldn't feel much, maybe just a little tugging. Edward do you want to hold her hand?" He teased.

"What? Why would I do that?" Edward's voice cracked.

"It was a just a joke Edward. Lighten up," I said, completely serious.

Carlisle finished up my hand and gave me a few pills for the pain. He said a quick goodbye and left Edward and I alone.

"Well I guess it's a little later than I thought, I should go get ready for the party..." I started towards the stairs.

"Bella..." Edward protested.

"Edward. Number one, you said you'd lighten up if I toned it down. I'm toning it down. I didn't say I'd never have or go to a party again. Secondly, you owe me for going with you last night." I didn't do it to get anything in return, but since he was being so stubborn I guess it'd work.

"Do you really think you should drink with your pills?"

"I won't take them tonight."

He contemplated for a long time, leaning up against the doorframe and crossing his arms.

"Fine."

I grinned.

"But." He held up a finger. "I have conditions. First of all, I'm taking everyone's keys when they get here. They don't drive home unless I okay them. I don't need them to get into a drunk driving accident leaving a party at the police commissioner's house. Secondly, if at any time it gets out of hand or I just don't feel like having a party anymore, it's over. No questions asked. Everyone leaves." He turned back into the kitchen. "Or I'm cracking some skulls."

"Okay sounds good. Thanks Edward." I ran back upstairs, anxious to get ready for tonight.

**Edward**

I knew this was a bad idea. A bad, horrible, rotten idea. But I knew she was going to bitch about it all day. And in all fairness I did promise I would lighten up. But one broken vase or pile of puke in the hallway and I was pulling the plug.

She'd been in the bathroom all day, humming to herself and jumping around. I sat myself down on the couch and rested my head against my hand as my mind drifted through the day.

I thought about waiting for her this morning. I knew she'd want to go, but I was so…mortified about last night. It was so inappropriate. I crossed a line I knew I wasn't supposed to cross and even though I knew it was wrong I couldn't stop it. So to prevent it from happening again I had to go for a run by myself, clear my head a little.

I clearly had some kind of connection to this girl. Something more than a friendly vibe. One minute she's doing something to drive me up the wall and the next I'm having to restrain myself from reaching out and touching her face. It's frustrating. Maybe this party will break this cycle we have going. If it doesn't stop soon, it's going to break me. Honestly I think it's already started. A little crack is starting to form deep down inside me and it scares the hell out of me. I knew it when I saw the hurt on her face this morning. She tried to hide it, but I knew. She probably thought I was just being an ass and didn't care about what happened between us, but she was wrong. So, so wrong. It was the complete opposite. I cared too much.

The doorbell broke me away from my thoughts.

"Edward can you let Alice in please?" Bella peeked her head out of the bathroom upstairs and nodded towards the door.

"I don't think I signed up to be a doorman…" I mumbled under my breath.

"Be nice please," she added.

I shuffled to the door and opened it to find a short, dark haired girl with an overly excited look on her face. She looked like a little chihuahua on adderall.

"Excuse me…" She said, brushing past me carrying a huge cardboard box. "Jasper! Bring it in here!"

I stood holding the door while a tall blonde guy followed her in carrying a long, skinny board and a lot of bags in his arms.

"Hi I'm Jasper," he nodded as he passed me.

"Edward." I started closing the door but the little one stopped me.

"Wait I have more."

"More? What else could you possibly have?"

"Buddy you have no idea…" Jasper said, peering around the corner.

I left the door open and went to join Jasper.

"It's really nice to meet you man," Jasper held his hand out and shook mine.

"Yeah you too. I guess…I don't really know who you are. Sorry." I shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

"I'm Alice's boyfriend."

"And Alice is?"

"I'm Alice!" The eccentric girl jumped into the kitchen carrying more bags.

"Here baby let me get that for you…" Jasper took the bags from her and put them on the coutnertop.

"And you're Edward." I froze as Alice jumped up and gave me a hug.

"That's me."

"Bella's told me so much about you," she smiled.

"She did?"

"Alice are you talking again?" Bella skipped into the kitchen and rummaged around in the bags, pulling out some chips. "Don't you have some setting up to do?" She grabbed her shoulder and pulled her into the other room.

I watched for the next hour as they set bowls of chips, cheetos, dip, and salsa everywhere. I sat at the kitchen table trying to figure out for the life of me why this all was so important. According to Alice it was life or death that everything was perfect.

"Edward! Can you help us please?"

I made my way to the living room and Jasper was holding the long board from earlier.

"What's that for?" I asked, pointing to it.

"It's a beer pong board."

"You guys still play that?"

"Of course we do. Now pull the dining room table in here so we can put it on." I sighed and went back into the kitchen and picked up the table.

"Where do you want it?"

"Wherever you want honey…" Alice said. Bella elbowed her in the ribs.

I set it in the middle of the room and Jasper set the long board ontop of it.

"Aren't you going to get ready?" Bella started tapping her foot at me.

"What? I'm ready," I said, defending myself. I looked totally presentable. I didn't see anything wrong with my jersey shorts and t-shirt. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. Well I guess that wasn't completely true, but regardless I really didn't' care what all these high school kids thought about me.

"Oh no, no, no." Alice's face fell as she shook her head. "No, no. Where are all your clothes?"

"In…my house." I pointed towards the back of the house.

"We'll be right back." She grabbed my hand and toted me out of the house and down to my place.

Alice sat me on my bed and started rummaging through all my clothes.

"So," she said as she threw a few shirts my way. "What's the deal?"

"With what?"

"You and my best friend. I mean you kiss her and then you act all weird…"

"Wait she told you that?"

"Of course she did." Alice turned around and threw another shirt my way. "It was a big deal for her." She sat down on the bed beside me. "Take your shirt off."

"What?"

"You heard me. You're going to wear this one," she nodded to the one in my hands. "So take your shirt off. Come on we don't have all night."

I hesitated and pulled my shirt over my head.

"Wow you're even sexier up close," she gazed as my bare stomach.

"I'm sorry but are you missing the social filter in your brain?"

"No I just say what's on my mind."

"I wish I had that talent…" I said, pulling the new shirt over my head.

"Why can't you?"

"What?"

"Say what's on your mind."

I sighed. "Because it would make things more complicated than I can handle right now."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Alice said, smiling sweetly and leaning in close. "I know she's a pain in the ass but she's worth it."

A smile slowly crept across my face and I nodded. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella was worth any trouble that I would find myself in, but there was still that part of me that was always going to submit to the rules. It was something I'd always have and probably always would have. I knew what it meant to have a job and a duty to do something, and I was going to do it. I had to do my best to obey Charlie's wishes.

"Now pants…" Alice said, standing up and looking through my jeans selection.

"What?"

"Drop trou Edward."

I kinked an eyebrow and took the jeans from her hand. She sighed as I made my way to the bathroom and quickly changed into them.

"So you really like this whole black jeans, tight black t-shirt thing?"

"Yes I do. And plus those jeans make your ass look good."

I turned around and looked in the mirror. "Yeah I guess you're right. I thought they were a little tight in that area, but I guess not."

"Honey if you've got it, flaunt it."

She laughed and tugged my hand, pulling me back up to the house.

Bella and Jasper were chatting in the living room as we came back in. Bella turned towards us holding a bowl of Cheetos.

"I know I hope-" The bowl crashed to the floor as soon as she saw me. I had to hold back a smile. I guess I still had it.

We both bent down to pick everything up. My hand brushed against hers and I felt a shock run up my arm.

"That good huh?" I said under my breath. I knew she'd heard it and I regretted it as soon as it came out. I wasn't supposed to be flirting, but it just kind of happened. Apparently I have no self control around this girl which pretty much means I'm fucked.

She looked up at me from under her long, dark lashes and I swear I felt my breath stop. She smiled and put the last of the Cheetos in the bowl, setting it on the table.

"I…have to go do something." She tucked her hair behind her ear and hurried quickly up the stairs. "Alice I need help!" She yelled, disappearing into her room. Alice skipped up and closed the door behind her.

"They're talking about you, you know?" Jasper laughed.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Trust me. I know all the codes." He rolled his eyes and walked over to the stereo and turned it on, blasting some music I've never heard before.

I saw the first headlights approaching so I took my place on the bottom of the stairs and waited. A few loud guys bursted in the door and stopped when they spotted me. I imagine the hard ass look on my face made them question whether or not this party was worth it. I held out my little bag and they dropped their keys in.

An hour later my little bag was almost full of keys and Bella and Alice still hadn't emerged from her room. I turned my head back towards her door, hoping to hear some kind of movement but the front door opened again and I turned my attention back to it.

"So we meet again…" Jake said, smiling.

"Jacob." I held out the bag and he dropped his keys inside.

"Where's Bella?"

"She's busy. Move along." I nodded towards the living room and took the next idiot's keys. I didn't hear Bella's door open or them start down the stairs, but the next thing I knew Alice and Bella were running past me and into the living room.

"Hey," I said softly, grabbing Bella's arm and turning her to me. "Is everything okay?"

Her eyes were pink and puffy like she'd been crying, but she had a perfect smile on her face. "Yeah it's great." She brushed my hand off her arm and went into the living room. I sat back down at my post.

I tried to avoid it, but I couldn't stop looking over into the other room. And each time I looked some other guy was hanging all over Bella, making her laugh, getting her another drink, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I didn't realize I would be so jealous but a burning fire started in the pit of my stomach and I felt the need to tell those assholes to back away from my girl. But that's the thing. She wasn't my girl. I had no claim to her. So why did it feel like I did?

I huffed in frustration when she finally made her way to Jake and scrunched the top of the little bag in my hands. I could kick everyone out right now if I wanted to. End this. But I knew that'd embarrass Bella and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I decided to turn my back to the party and lean up against the banister. At least that way I'd have to turn my head completely around to see what she was doing. I lasted ten minutes. I slowly turned my head, barely peeking over my shoulder. She was holding a drink and looking right at me. I sighed and turned back around, pinching the bridge of my nose and trying to hold my composure.

"Edward! Get in here! We need you!" Alice yelled.

I got up and walked into the living room. Everyone watched me as I entered and I suddenly felt like I was an exhibit at the zoo.

Alice wrapped her arm around mine and pulled me forward.

"I need me a beer pong partner," she smiled.

"Alice there's like fifty people here…" I explained, looking around. Jake in particular looked pretty pissed I had joined the party.

"That may be darling, but I want you." She pulled me over to the beer pong table where everything was already set up.

"Fine, but I'm not making any promises. I haven't played in years. Who are we up against?"

"Jasper and Bella. They're unbeaten for the evening." She nodded down to the other end. Jasper and Bella were whispering back and forth to each other. I wasn't even sure they knew I was here. "Hey guys. I found me a new partner and I've got a good feeling this time."

"Who are we going to beat this time?" Bella said laughing as she turned. I could tell she was at least buzzed. "Edward?" She stopped when she saw me and I smiled.

"Is this…okay?" I motioned to the table.

"Yeah," she said, turning back towards Jasper.

"You guys can go first," Alice said, throwing the ping pong balls down towards them. "And how about sweetening the pot a little?" She leaned over the table and grinned.

"What do you have in mind love?" Jasper winked.

"Winners do body shots off losers."

"Alice!" Bella and I said simultaneously.

"Excellent. Agreed." Jasper smiled and started aiming.

"Alice I'm not okay with this," I said in a panic.

Jasper shot and it landed in a cup in the last row.

"Too bad. Game's already started Edward. Sorry. Can't take it back now," she laughed.

"Alice I know what you're doing, and you need to stop," I said quietly. She ignored me and started making kissy faces at Jasper, who was arguing with Bella. She finally turned and took a lousy shot. It almost hit me in the face.

Now I had to decide. What was worse? Losing and letting her take a shot off me, which wouldn't include me putting my mouth on the boss's daughter. Or winning and having to go through the hell of being that close with her. I didn't know if I had the self control for that so I decided to try and deliberately lose.

After a few shots I realized that she had the same idea. She was missing shots left and right, which was very uncharacteristic if they really had been winning all night. And as much as I tried to make shitty shots without looking obvious, all of mine were going in. Alice pretty much sucked, so I was winning it for our team without even trying.

We were both down to the last cup. Everyone was surrounding the table and it was Jasper's shot. If he made this and Alice missed the next shot, which she would, they would win and I wouldn't have to worry about prying my lips off of Bella's perfect body.

I held my breath as Jasper's ping pong ball flew in slow motion over the table and soared right into the rim of the cup. It spun around the top a couple of times before bouncing out.

"Damnit," I whispered to myself. They either filled these cups with a little more than beer or I really have lost it.

I crossed my fingers as Alice lined up her shot and closed my eyes as she released it. My stomach sank when I heard everyone cheering Alice's name and her squealing next to me. When I opened my eyes Bella's eyes were wide with panic, looking straight at me.

"Do we get to claim our prize now?" Alice said seductively.

"Yes please." Jasper didn't look too sad about losing. He grabbed a bottle of vodka, some sugar, and a few sliced lemons. Bella walked slowly over to me as Jasper lifted himself on the table, laying flat on his back.

"Bella it's okay we don't have to do this."

"Yes you do you fuckers! Bella get on the table!" Jasper yelled laughing.

She hesitated and pulled herself up onto the table.

"I'll just do it on your arm okay?" I said, bending down close to her skin.

"Oh come on Edward don't be a pussy! At least do it on her neck!" Alice said, sprinkling some sugar on Jasper's bare chest.

I cleared my throat and looked at Bella. She hesitant extended her neck out and I poured a little sugar on her neck. I handed her a slice of lemon and she put it in her mouth. I looked over at Alice and Jasper. She was licking up the middle of his chest. His arms were behind his head and he was smiling behind his lemon slice. She engulfed the lemon and his lips in her mouth all while climbing ontop of his lap.

Someone shoved a shot in my hand and I took one last look at Bella and threw it back. I closed my eyes and dove down to her neck, licking up the sweet sugar on her warm skin. I could taste her behind all the alcohol and sugar and I almost couldn't stop, but I pulled myself away and bent down to take the lemon from her. Our lips touched briefly as I took it in my mouth and backed away. When I stood back up her eyes were closed and her hands were grasped tightly to the table.

"Bravo!" Alice clapped.

I sucked on the lemon and quietly backed away, leaning against the doorway. Jasper came to join me a few minutes later and tossed me a beer.

"Thanks." I cracked the top off and took a swig.

"So how long were you in the service?"

"I'm sorry?"

"The dog tags around your neck." He pointed to the three silver chains dangling around my neck. "Army right?"

"Yeah. I was overseas for a little over a year."

"Yeah I've thought about enlisting, but I was never really sure about it. Do you ever plan on going back?"

"No." I looked down and felt my chest tighten in panic. I never wanted to go back there. It was my worst nightmare and even though it was some of the best times of my life I wouldn't wish this type of pain on anyone.

"Was it worth it?"

"Honestly I don't know. It was one hell of a ride." I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Jasper nodded and took another drink. We finished a couple beers just standing in the corner talking about nothing. He was a really cool guy. I was starting to really feel the buzz from the alcohol. It was nothing like Bella and me the other night, but it was enough to make me feel damn good.

"Slow down girl! That's your third shot in a row!" I glanced towards the voice and noticed Jake was pulling a full shot away from Bella. He set it on the table and then bent down to her and whispered something in her ear. She giggled and stumbled over her feet, falling into him. He wrapped his arms around her and drifted way south of her waist. She looked up at him and I knew where they were headed by the look in her eyes. This wasn't happening.

"Excuse me Jasper." I chugged the rest of my beer and set it on the table as I passed.

"Bella can I talk to you?" I grabbed her arm.

"Can't you see she's busy?" Jake pushed me away.

"Doing what?"

"Hopefully me, do you have a problem with that?"

"Actually I do."

"Jake it's fine," Bella said.

"I'll wait for you in your room," he whispered to her. I glared at him as he turned and made his way up the stairs.

Bella and I walked to the corner of the room, right by the door to her father's office.

"What?" She said, crossing her arms.

"Bella what the hell are you doing?"

"Having a good time."

"Do you really think you need all this?" I yelled as I pointed out to the crowd. "God Bella you are so…so much better than this."

"I'm a fucking mess Edward. You think earlier today was crazy. Stick around long enough and that'll be nothing. How the hell am I better than this?" She was screaming so loud I was surprised no one else heard. Her eyes started glistening with tears a few moments before one slipped down her cheek. I leaned down close to her. I couldn't take seeing her like this. She really did believe that she was nothing.

"Because you're smart. And you're funny. And you push my buttons more than anyone I've ever known. And at the same time I've never wanted to be around anyone more in my entire life the way I…need to be around you." I couldn't resist reaching out and brushing the tear away from her cheek. "And you're beautiful."

Her eyes turned soft as she looked up into mine. I didn't pull away when she glanced down at my lips even though I knew what was coming next. She slowly lifted herself up onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine.

She pulled back and a small smile spread across her face. I suddenly realized where we were and looked around to make sure no one saw us. They were all so absorbed in themselves they didn't even notice.

It must have been the alcohol. Because I don't think anything else could have allowed me to do what I did next.

"In here," I said, opening the door to her father's office and pulling her inside.

As soon as the door closed I pressed her up against it, trapping her with my arms and bending down to kiss her more roughly than before. She smiled against my lips when she realized what I was doing and kissed me back, running her fingers through my hair, pulling fistfuls every now and then. I ran my fingers down her jaw and down the middle of her chest, ellicting a slight whimper as I pressed myself into her. My hands gripped at her hips, pulling her closer. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around my waist as she ducked down and started nibbling on my neck.

I walked us slowly over to the oversized chair in the middle of the room and sat down. She reached for the hem of my shirt and I lifted my arms briefly for her to pull it off. I pulled down the strap of her tank top, revealing a bright red bra across her creamy skin.

I turned my attention to the crook of her neck, taking my time sucking the skin there. I took her skin gently between my teeth and pulled. She sat back and pulled her shirt over her head, before bringing her lips back to mine. Just as she placed her hand on the top of my jeans the door flung open and Jake stomped in.

"What the…?"

Bella scrambled out of the chair and grasped around the floor for her shirt. I got down on the floor and grabbed mine, throwing it on quickly. Bella put hers on, cleared her throat and started towards the door. Jake glared at her as she passed.

"Such a little whore," he spat at her. Everyone froze and turned towards us. They'd heard. Bella looked mortified, almost on the verge of tears again. He started to walk away but I launched myself at him, hitting him square in the back. We both fell to the ground and rolled around a few times before I ended up pinning him beneath me. I pulled my fist back and punched him.

I grabbed his shirt and brought him close to me. "If you even look at her again, I'll do much worse than that. Understand?"

He nodded and I dropped him back onto the floor.

"Party's over! Everyone get out!" I stood up and started ushering people out. "Nobody's getting their keys. Either sleep in the yard or take a taxi home." I reached into my back pocket and pulled all the money out of my wallet, throwing it at them. "But you've got to get out of the house. Now."

Everyone swiped up their bottles of liquor and the money laying all over the floor before making a quick exit. Jake was the last to leave. He wiped at the blood dripping from his lip.

"This isn't over Cullen." He closed the door behind him.

I turned back to Bella. She was almost shaking.

"Hey…" I said, running to her and taking her face in my hands. "Everything's okay."

"I can't believe he just did that…I'm so-…I'm sorry."

I brought her over to the couch and she leaned forward, burying her head in her hands. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me. I kissed the top of her head and held her until she calmed down. And long after that. We stayed like that the rest of the night until the first light of the morning approached.

Bella had fallen asleep at some point, but I knew I had to clean this mess up before Charlie got home. I went around and picked up all the trash and cans. I took the beer pong board and put it in my house so Jasper could get it later. And after the house was clean I decided it was time to do a little sprucing up in the yard.

I opened the front door to a yard littered with teenagers curled up in groups. I threw the bag of keys out into the yard.

"Everyone take a key. Anything still here in ten minutes gets towed." I closed the door behind me just as everyone started scrambling for their stuff.

I returned to the living to find Bella stretching on the couch.

"Good morning," I said, plopping down next to her.

"Morning." She didn't look too hungover, which was surprising. I think a good cry can sometimes sober people up enough. She fidgeted nervously with her hands.

"So you up for a run this morning?" I said, half joking.

"Not after the run I went for yesterday. My muscles were mush yesterday and I think they're even worse today." She craned her neck from side to side and winced. She pulled her legs up onto the couch and turned towards me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you mean what you said last night? That you think I'm beautiful?"

I kind of forgot I'd said that. It wasn't that I didn't mean it, but I'd just gotten a little carried away in vocalizing it.

"Well…yeah. I think you're beautiful Bella."

She smiled. "I think you're beautiful too."

I couldn't help the smile on my face.

"Bella this is not supposed to be this way with us. We can't. Charlie…" I shook my head laughing.

"I know." She said, her face serious. She looked a little sad as she stood up. "Ouch…Gosh I hurt," she said, clutching her lower back.

"Sit," I said.

"What?"

"Sit." I pointed back down to the couch.

As soon as she sat down I moved so I was sitting behind her. She jumped as my fingers touched her back, but as soon as she realized what I was doing she relaxed back into me a little. I massaged up and down her back, taking my time anytime a whimper escaped her lips.

"How did you get so good at this?"

"Sometimes I helped the doctors out in my unit when…" I stopped when I realized I'd said too much.

"What unit?" She turned her head back towards me slightly.

I smiled and shook my head, bending down to place a soft kiss on her shoulder.

"What the hell?"

I froze and instantly pulled back from Bella as she jumped up from the couch.

"Dad!" She squeaked.

"Bella." His eyes narrowed towards me. "Edward. Can I see you in my office? Now." He stomped towards his office. Did he see?

"Dad that wasn't what it looked like!" Bella protested.

"Bella. Room. Now." He pointed to the stairs and followed me into his office.

He slammed the door behind him and started pacing around the room.

"Edward I have to ask you something. And I'll know if you're lying, so don't do it." He stopped and looked up at me. I knew we'd been caught. "Are you sleeping with my daughter?"


	8. The Letdown

**Bella**

It'd been almost a week since I'd barged into my dad's office to find a very mortified Edward being interrogated by Charlie. Edward sat in the chair, his fingers gripping tightly to the arms and his face void of any expression.

"No Dad we're not sleeping together," I said.

"Isabella I told you to go to your room."

"And I told you never to get your hair cut like that again and yet here were are. I'm in your office and you're sitting there looking like Dudley Do Right."

"Well what the hell did I just walk in on?" Charlie put his hands on his hips and sighed.

"Well it definitely wasn't sex." I was talking out of my ass. I just wanted to save Edward from the embarrassment I knew he was going through right now.

Edward buried his head in his hands. I thought he was going to hyperventilate.

"Oh is that so?" Charlie said sarcastically.

"Well you know I'm not a virgin so unless the mechanics of it have changed in the last few weeks then no."

Charlie's eyes got wide and shot to Edward.

"Not….me," Edward muttered slowly.

"Wait you didn't know?" I felt the panic start to rise up in my throat. Or maybe that was just vomit. I couldn't tell. Not that I ever wanted to say that word out loud to my father, ever, but I thought he knew.

"Tell me who he is….now."

"The first or the most recent?" I blurted out, not realizing how terrible that sounded.

"Oh come on Charlie is it really that hard to figure it out?" Edward sighed and pulled at his hair.

Charlie pondered for a few moments before a look of understanding spread across his face. His skin turned red, bright red, fire engine red as he stomped out of the room muttering something about cutting Jake's favorite appendage off.

I shot a glance at Edward as soon as the door closed.

"Why would you do that?" I asked. "Why?"

"I didn't mean to it just kind of…slipped out."

I sat down beside him and listened to Charlie talking to Billy on the phone.

"They're just kids having fun?.....Protection?....Billy I know its not the fifties but this is my daughter we're talking about here. Now where is he?....I'm not going to arrest him. I just want to…talk to him….Hello?" He sighed and hung up.

"I'm sorry," Edward said, finally looking up from the floor. "Even though the shit just hit the fan thanks for doing what you did. I didn't know what to do I thought he was going to kill me before I even got a chance to defend myself."

"You're welcome."

He stood up and quickly ran his finger down my arm, causing the hairs to stick straight up. I wanted him to touch me again.

"I mean I did just totally humiliate myself in front of my father. And Jake is probably going to…die now."

He smiled and turned back towards me.

"And it was…really, really embarrassing. I might need some comforting." I smirked as he slowly bent down and gazed at my lips.

"I would love to kiss you right now." He leaned in closer. "But not here. I think I've had enough questions about our relationship from your father today."

"Good point." I stepped away and smiled.

This week had been a flurry of stolen kisses, small talk and even smaller touches. But that was all it was right now. It was almost like we didn't know what to do now that we kind of almost had something going on. Or did we? What exactly was going on between us? I don't think either one of us knew and we didn't really know where it was supposed to go. And keeping it from Charlie was keeping it that way for now I guess.

I sat in the living room watching television with my dad and Edward. Charlie had the entire day off, which meant he'd been on my ass all day about stupid shit. I propped my arm up on the chair and rested my head against it. I slowly tilted my head towards Edward. His deep green eyes were staring directly at me and as soon as our eyes met a sexy smirk spread across his face. I had to look away to avoid blushing and giving us away.

My phone vibrated once and I reached over to the table to grab it, expecting another text from Jake telling me to sleep with one eye open or that I was a bitch for telling Charlie about us. But it wasn't Jake. It was Jessica.

_Party tonight?_

I glanced at Edward, who was looking at me with confusion. I smiled and turned back to my phone.

_Where?_ I cleared my throat and waited for her response. I hadn't so much as thought about going out since the incident here last week. And to be honest I was kind of itching for it. More like going cabin crazy. As much as I loved hanging out with Edward and sometimes my dad, I needed to get out of here.

_Not sure. Other side of town. Heard about it from Newton._

I hesitated before typing back. Edward wouldn't let me go, especially by myself. It wasn't that I didn't want him to come, but I honestly didn't think he'd want to. And he'd hover. I hate it when people hover. So I'd just have to figure out a way to get past him.

Charlie's snoring interrupted my planning. I looked over at him and saw his mouth droop open. What was I thinking? Sneaking out tonight would be easy as pie. Edward wouldn't ever expect me to sneak out with Charlie here, would he? I'd have to pull all the stops. No makeup, no done hair. I'd have to do it all in the car. And to take extra precautions I'd go out the extra bedroom's window instead of mine, just in case. I could work this out.

_Pick me up at nine._ I grinned to myself as I closed my phone and headed towards the kitchen. The fridge was fully stocked with all my favorite goodies, but I grabbed some juice and poured myself a glass. A pair of arms snaked around my waist as I downed it.

"Charlie's in the next room…" I whispered, leaning back into him.

"He's asleep," Edward said softly into my ear. He bent down and placed soft kisses down my neck.

I bit down on my lip and turned my head towards the living room. Charlie's snores were still echoing out.

"Come with me…" I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the front door. "Meet me around back."

I started up the stairs.

"Dad I'm going to bed!" I gestured towards Charlie.

"Yeah Charlie I'm going back to my house. Have a nice evening."

Charlie mumbled something to the both of us, still half asleep and turned over in the chair.

I made my way upstairs and opened my window. Edward was already standing below with his arms crossed in front of him.

"How are you going to manage this one?" He said.

"You've seen me do it before." I called, stepping out onto the roof. I maneuvered to the lowest point on the roof and looked down. It really wasn't that far. I mean if I hang and then drop…

As I leaned over the edge to assess the situation I had that "leaning so far back in your chair that you almost fall panic attack" feeling. And then my arms started flailing and I knew I'd lost my balance. I was going to fall and there was nothing I could do about it. Just before I went over the edge I saw Edward's eyes panic and he started frantically pacing back and forth trying to assess where I would land.

"Edward!" I cried as I fell. I grabbed desperately for the edge and was thankful when my fingers grasped the eaves trough. I let out a sigh of relief as I dangled. "I'm okay!"

My relief was instantly shattered when I heard the creaking. And blown to pieces when I felt the metal starting to rip away from the house. I held in a scream as we both fell towards the ground. I landed on something softer than I thought I would and quickly realized it was Edward.

"Sorry. Are you okay?" I started looking him over, making sure I didn't cause any damages.

"I think I broke my ass," he winced, standing us both up.

I smiled and reached around, giving it a soft grab. He laughed.

"Seems fine to me," I winked and started running for his house.

It was seven o'clock. I had at least a few hours of playtime with Edward before I had to be ready for the party.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Edward said, plopping himself down on the couch.

"I don't know what do you want to do?"

"Well we could do what we do every night…watch a movie and try to take over the world." He winked.

"Movie. I'm too tired for evil plotting tonight." I nodded and sat down next to him. It didn't matter what he put in, I wouldn't make it through the whole thing. And I already had my exit strategy planned.

Edward put in a movie and came back to sit next to me on the couch, putting his arm around me. I snuggled in closer to him and ran my fingers idly across his chest.

"Are you planning on seeing any of this movie?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because if you keep doing that we won't."

I stopped and looked up at him in awe. It was weird seeing him like this. Cute and almost playful.

"What?" He kinked an eyebrow.

"I don't know. It's just…when I first met you I thought you were this cold, serious person. I had no idea this you was hiding underneath."

"Do you like it?" He leaned in closer.

"Yeah…" I whispered and tipped my head up so I could kiss him.

"Well maybe you'll see this side more often when you aren't a bad kid," he mumbled against my lips. He gently laid me back onto the couch and hovered above me.

"But I like being a bad kid," I whined as he kissed my neck. "Are you going to punish me?"

"Depends," he laughed and rested his head on my chest. I held onto him and started watching the movie. About halfway through the movie I put my plan into action.

I started exaggerating my breathing, drawing it out nice and slow. Eventually I let my arm droop down, lifeless at my sides. Just as Edward looked at me I closed my eyes and let my jaw go loose so it looked like I was sleeping.

"Bella?" He nudged me. I mumbled something sleepily, hoping he'd get the point. I'd like to say I felt bad about fooling him like this, but I don't. It's kind of fun actually. Like some kind of game or something. "Bella you can't sleep in here…" He sighed and kissed my cheek. "Come on you have to go back to your room."

I waited a few moments before slowly cracking open my eye and saw Edward was looking back up at the house, a contemplative look on his face. He finally stood up and scooped me into his arms.

"Pain in my ass…" he whispered on the way up to the house. I heard him open the front door and he peeked his head around the corner. I didn't hear the television in the living room so thankfully Charlie had made it to his bed. Edward carried me up the stairs and opened the door to my bedroom. I opened my eyes as he placed me onto my bed.

"My hero…" I whispered.

"Yeah, yeah." He placed a kiss on my forehead and tucked me in. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," I closed my eyes again pulled my blanket closer.

I didn't open my eyes when he turned around. I didn't open them when he left my room and crept back down the stairs. I didn't open my eyes until I heard him walking outside through my open window.

"Excellent…" I whispered, yanking the covers off and grabbing my phone.

"Jess," I said once she answered. "Pick me up in ten, park at the gate, don't come inside. Robo-bodyguard is around."

"Alright I'll be there soon."

As soon as she hung up I started putting my shoes on. I swiped some makeup on my face and pulled my hair back, deciding to go for a laid back look tonight. I didn't have time for anything else.

I started towards the extra bedroom, fully intent on going out the window, but what was stopping me from walking right out the front door? Charlie was asleep, Edward was back in his house. This didn't have to be complicated. I'll just…walk right out. Very slowly and very carefully.

I crept down the stairs, skipping the second step from the top because it creaked so loud. I opened the gate from the house so it'd be ready and went out the front door.

I half expected Edward to be standing there waiting for me, or creeping behind a tree or something. But he wasn't. I cautiously looked around just to make sure. He could be a pretty sneaky guy when he tried.

I sighed and relaxed a little, starting to walk slowly down my incredibly long driveway. I could see the gate up ahead and Jessica's car idling by.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" A loud voice boomed from behind me.

I turned around and could vaguely make out Edward's form standing near the front door. I was right. He was coming to check on me. He always knew when something was up. I don't know how, but he did. I swear he had some kind of 6th sense or something. Like Bella Radar. I bet a little alarm goes off in his head whenever I try to do anything. Bella has left the building.

I started running as soon as he did. I knew he was faster than me, but I was almost to the gate. I could beat him if I really tried.

"Jess be ready!" I yelled.

I could feel him gaining on me and he probably wasn't even breaking a sweat. I was going to look like I just did a triathlon at this party.

"Bella stop!" Edward yelled, closer than I thought. I turned my heat and saw him about twenty feet behind me. Jess reached back and opened her back door and I flung myself inside, closing the door and locking it.

"Just go!" I yelled at her.

Edward almost ran right into my window as we started moving.

"Bella get out of the car!" He pounded on the window as he starting running with us.

I smiled and shook my head, blowing him a kiss as we started to pull away from him. I watched out the back window as we drove away. He stopped after a while and kicked at the ground a few times before turning back to the house.

I laughed and climbed into the front seat.

"That was close…" I said softly.

"Hell yeah it was. But I won't lie watching that boy run was worth it," she laughed.

We drove for a while, across town and down a road I didn't recognize. I ignored the constant humming of my phone. He was crazy if he thought I was going to answer it.

"The party's down here?" It looked pretty dark down here. We were completely surrounded by the deep forest on a dirt road. It didn't look like anyone lived out here.

"Yeah I have the address right here. Mike texted it to me."

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. "So whose house is it anyway?"

"Some guy I don't really know. Graduated a few years ago. I think his name's Emmett or something like that."

My eyes shot open. "Please tell me you did not just say Emmett."

"What's wrong?"

"Emmett. As in Emmett Cullen? As in Edward's brother?" I started panicking. I mean it could be another Emmett right? It's a popular name, especially in a small town. Hell who was I kidding? My night was about to get a lot more interesting.

The trees finally gave way to a clearing and a beautiful house. There were tons of cars parked outside and loud music coming from inside. A few people were standing on the porch drinking and I instantly recognized Emmett.

"Is that Bella Swan out there?" He looked in my direction as soon as my car door closed. He smiled and bounded down the porch steps, wrapping me up in a big hug. "Is my little brother here?" He looked behind me.

"Um…no."

"Oh little Swan…does he know you're here?" He slung his arm over my shoulder as we started up the steps.

"He knows I'm…out." I cleared my throat.

"Everyone!" He yelled. "This is little Swan. If you hit on her or piss her off in anyway, my little brother will probably kick your ass."

"Why? Is he fucking her?" One of his friends asked. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"No. He's her bodyguard."

They all burst out in a fit of laughter. Assholes. I went over to one of them and forcefully took his beer for myself. I walked straight inside leaving him stunned on the porch.

There were a lot of the regulars here, Jessica, Mike Newton, Angela and her boyfriend. Thankfully no sign of Jake. I was still pissed at him for the other night. I noticed a lot of older kids too, probably graduated with Emmett.

"Great…" I whispered to myself when I spotted Rosalie and Tanya standing in the corner staring at me. Those bitches were starting to irritate me.

"Hello Bella," Tanya said with a sickening smile. She giggled as Rose kept her gaze on me.

"Do you have a problem with me Barbie?" I said, taking a drink of my beer.

"I'm sorry what did you call me?" Tanya's smile fell and she took a step towards me. Please. This girl thinks she's going to fight me. She'd probably pass out from breaking a nail.

"You heard me," I laughed taking another step towards her.

"Leave her alone Tanya," Rosalie said coldly, taking Tanya's arm and pulling her away, seemingly unamused by the situation.

I sat down on the couch and looked around at all of my friends. They were laughing, having a good time, but I felt off….disconnected from everything. I'd been to a ton of parties and I honestly loved it. It was the only time I felt something, even if that something was nothing. After awhile you get to prefer the nothing over the pain.

I just got here and I wanted to leave already. There's no way Jess was leaving already so that was out. I guess I'd just have to wait it out. I didn't know what was wrong with me but something was just…off. It was frustrating.

I downed the rest of the beer and my eyes started wandering around the room. It was…really nice. The whole house was incredible. There was one wall that was almost all window looking out onto the backyard. I moseyed over to take a look. There was a small creek at the edge of the backyard, just before the trees gave way to the thick forest. I wonder if Edward grew up here or if they'd moved here recently. I turned and saw a staircase, which I assumed was off limits. People never usually followed the whole "off limits" rule at house parties, but I can imagine with how large of a man Emmett is no one would make a move to piss him off.

I looked around the room to make sure no one was looking as I started up the stairs. I froze as I made eye contact with Emmett. Rose was draped all over him and they were talking to Tanya and some other guy. He didn't seem mad or pissed, almost encouraging. He whispered something to Rose and started walking towards me.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be snooping around…" I said quickly, not wanting to upset him.

"Last door on the right."

"What?"

"You heard me." He smiled and made his way back to Rose.

I cautiously made my way up the stairs, following Emmett's directions and going directly to the last door on the right. I hesitated before I opened the door, knowing that this was wrong. I shouldn't be going in here without asking him. I pushed the door open and peeked my head inside anyway. His room was pretty simple, clean, which didn't surprise me. A large bed sat along the far wall across from a wall of shelves, filled mostly with books or music. That was ironic to me. I'd never seen him reading a book or listening to music.

I ran my fingers along the bookshelf, stopping as I reached a picture frame. I laughed at the large grin as Edward's face as he stuffed a giant piece of pizza into his mouth. He sat at a table with a few other guys, one I recognized as Emmett. They were all in similar shirts sitting in what looked like some kind of tent. Maybe some kind of camp? I guess I didn't really know much about Edward's life before he came to me, but this Edward looked pretty different from the one I knew. I mean sure, Edward's lightened up a little lately, but there was still something about him. That sadness I'd seen before was nowhere to be seen in this picture. It made me happy to see him like this.

I set the picture back down and jumped when I accidentally knocked one of his books off the shelf. It lay open on the ground. I bent down to pick it up when I realized it wasn't a book at all. It was a journal.

I picked up it, fully intent on closing it, but my eyes unconsciously started reading the words.

_Been here almost a year. It's hard to believe I've been away from my family for so long. Thankfully I've found a second family here. The guys are the best friends I've ever had and I don't know what I'd do without them or Emmett here. He's being transferred to a different unit tomorrow, but he'll still be close._

_ I still don't know what I'm searching for here, but I feel like it's right. Maybe that's the point. To always search for something more, to never stop. Maybe that's what brought me here in the first place. I just hope that I have the strength to…_

**Edward**

If she thought she had me fooled for one minute she was sorely mistaken. Bella never fell asleep that early. I thought after last week she'd be all partied out, but I guess not. After I dropped her in her bed I planned on waiting down on the porch steps, I knew she wouldn't be too long. Maybe twenty minutes while she got dressed and did her makeup. At least she'd taken note of how she got caught last time. She may be crazy sometimes but Bella was not an idiot. She was a lot smarter than people gave her credit for. And there was no way I would ever underestimate her.

I decided to call Emmett back while I waited for her. He'd called me earlier but I missed the call. He left me a message to call him back right away. Something about tonight. It sounded like it was important, but I didn't have time to call him back. And plus with Emmett everything was important. He gets excited when they introduce a new Coca Cola can.

I reached into my back pocket to call him but it wasn't there. I sighed when I realized I'd left it on my nightstand. I glanced up at the house, wondering how much longer she'd be. The house was still completely dark so I listened. And then got up and cracked the door a little. No movement from upstairs. I decided it was okay to run back to my house and get my phone. Emmett always got pissy when you didn't call him back the same day. And even though it was getting late, it's still technically the same day.

I ran back to my house, quickly grabbed my phone and saw that I had another missed call from Emmett. I made my way back to the house and was just about to sit back down on the porch when something down the driveway caught my eye. I stood up and squinted my eyes, about to go into full bodyguard mode when I realized it was a person. I started off the porch but stopped when I saw her brown curls cascading down her back.

"That little…" I started walking very deliberately in her direction. She was about halfway down the driveway.

"Where do you think you're going?" I yelled, not caring if Charlie heard me now. I was just doing my job. She turned around and paused for a few moments before darting down the driveway. Any other time I'm confident I would have beat her, but she might be too far down. I started off after her telling her to stop. I could see the getaway car at the gate and I was halfway thankful it wasn't Jake's.

The back door opened and Bella jumped in and closed the door just as I reached the car.

"Bella get out of the car!" I yanked on the locked door as the car started moving. She just smiled and blew me a kiss as they drove out of sight.

"Damn it!" I stomped and ran my fingers through my hair. She was in trouble. Big…big trouble. I had no idea where she was going or who she was with, except for Jessica, who I saw was driving.

I pulled out my phone and called her. Straight to voicemail. I tried again. Same thing. I finally decided to text, hoping that she'd at least look at it.

_Please just tell me where you are so I know you're safe._

I closed my phone and started back down the driveway, completely defeated. I was slacking. I should have known that with my luck she would leave the very moment I go to my house. Hopefully she'd be back before Charlie notices. I made my way back to my house, realizing there was nothing I could do now. I plopped down in my chair and turned the television on, anxiously flipping through channels. Every now and then I'd peek up at her window, hoping I'd see her light turn on. I knew she wouldn't be back for a while at least. It'd only been a half hour since she James Bonded it into the backseat of Jessica's car.

I jumped as my phone rang and I grabbed it without checking the caller I.D. I guess I'd just assumed it'd be her.

"Bella?"

"No it's your brother dumbass." I could hear the loud music banging behind him. He must be having a party. "Did you lose something?"

"Huh?"

"About 5'4"….long brown hair, sarcastic tendencies…"

She was there. That must be what he's been trying to tell me all day. He was having a party since Esme and Carlisle were out of town for the weekend.

"I'll be right there." I slammed my phone shut and grabbed my keys.

I drove quickly across town, wondering what kind of shenanigans she'd gotten herself into and how she even knew about the party in the first place. She probably didn't know it was Emmett's when she left. There's no way she would go if she knew. It was probably mostly Emmett's friends. He graduated two years ahead of me so I'd know some of them from high school. Not that I was planning on staying long.

I pulled up in front of the house and ran inside. Emmett was sitting in a chair with Rose in his lap talking to some guy on the couch I didn't recognize.

"Where is she?" I asked.

He nodded towards the stairs. What the hell was she doing up there? The thought crossed my mind that she might not be up there alone, but I didn't dwell on it. I didn't want to think about it. And I didn't think about the hurt I would go through if I saw it, but I still made my way up the stairs and saw the soft glow of light coming from my bedroom. I felt the panic start to rise in my chest. I haven't been in there since I left town a year ago and as far as I know no one else has. I was a little scared about what she would find.

I slowly made my way towards my door and looked inside. I was relieved to find she was alone. That relief all vanished when I saw she was reading my journal I kept while I was away.

"What are you doing?" I asked, stepping into the room. She jumped and it flew to the floor.

"I….I'm sorry it was an accident."

I bent down and picked it up, along with the picture that had come from it.

"Does the word private mean anything to you?" I snapped, sitting down on the bed. I set the journal beside me and buried my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry." She sat beside me. "I accidentally dropped it and I shouldn't have read it. I'm sorry."

"So is there anything you want to ask me?" I assumed she knew everything now. And it scared me to death.

"Why'd you stop writing in it?" She cautiously inched closer to me. "I flipped through it and um…the last entry was last year."

"I didn't have a reason to write in it anymore."

"Does it have to do with your friend…the one in the hospital?"

I nodded as I stared straight ahead, unblinking.

"Bella I need you to understand I'm just not…ready to tell you everything yet. Okay?" I turned towards her.

"Okay." She nodded and hesitated before leaning in and softly pressing her lips to mine. "I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around me and I leaned into her, needing to be close to her. She swung her leg over my waist and pulled herself onto my lap. "Can you forgive me?" She held my face in her hands.

I nodded and she pulled herself close to me, enveloping me in her warmth. I put my arms around her and I felt the pain and anger slowly start to drift away.

"So how much did you freak out when you found out the party was here?"

"Oh my God I nearly shit twice and died." She laughed against me. I smiled and pulled her tighter, placing a kiss on her neck. "How'd you know I was here?" She pushed me back flat on my back and hovered above me.

"Emmett called me to claim my lost and found." I tangled my fingers with hers.

"Well I'm glad you found me. Believe it or not I actually wasn't having very much fun and I just realized why."

"Why?"

She leaned down, just inches from my face. "Because you weren't here." She started kissing down my jaw and around my neck. I let my hands roam freely down her back and closed my eyes.

"We should probably get back downstairs."

"Actually can you just take me home?" She pulled back and smiled.

"Yeah I can do that."

We both jumped as the door opened. Emmett stood with his mouth gaping.

"Nice," he said, winking at me.

Bella jumped off me and pulled me up from the bed.

"Can we have a minute?" I said to Bella.

"I'll wait for you downstairs." She nodded and swept past Emmett, closing the door behind her.

"Listen Emmett…that was not what it looks like."

"It looks like you're sleeping with the boss's daughter." He smiled.

"We're not…I mean we did sleep on a couch and against a tub together but we're not…"

His smile softened and he sat down beside me.

"Well that didn't look like nothing bro." He slapped my back.

"It's not nothing. It's just….not that. Yet."

"Yet?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing…" I ran my fingers through my hair. "Charlie doesn't know. No one knows. Well…that's not entirely true, but it hasn't gotten to Charlie so please just…don't tell anyone what's going on. We're trying to be discreet."

"What exactly is going on?"

"I ask myself that question everyday. All I know is since the first time I kissed her all I wanted to do was do it again."

Emmett sighed. "Dude you're fucked."

"I know."

We both got up and made our way downstairs. I stopped and listened on the stairway. There was no music. No excessive talking, just soft voices coming from outside.

"It won't last Bella. You aren't good enough for him," Tanya's voice snickered.

I turned back to Emmett. "She's here?"

"I couldn't not invite her, she's Rose's best friend."

I darted down the stairs and outside. Everyone was frozen watching something down on the lawn. I pushed my way through the crowd and saw Bella on the ground, shaking the mud off her hands and brushing at her jeans. I ran down and crouched beside her, helping her up.

"What happened?" I asked Bella, turning to glare at Tanya.

"I uh…I just fell down. You know me." She tried to laugh but I knew better. Tanya probably pushed her or tripped her, or some other petty little thing.

"Are you okay?" I took her face in my hands and kissed her forehead, forgetting the crowd around me. I gritted my teeth at the audible gasps from everyone.

I turned towards Tanya. Her face was just as shocked as all the others surrounding us. "Don't ever touch her again," I snarled.

I grabbed Bella's hand and we started towards my car.

"So much for being discreet…" Emmett said.

"I shouldn't have done that…" I said, getting into the car.

"Do you think they'll say anything?"

"I don't know…but I don't think so. Everyone loves Emmett so I don't think they'll do anything to make him mad."

"Did you tell him?" She buckled her seatbelt as we flew down the driveway.

"Sort of."

She nodded and looked out the window. I glanced down at the mud stains on her jeans.

"You didn't have to defend her you know. You don't owe her anything and you didn't deserve that."

"And apparently I don't deserve you…" She said softly, staring unseeing out the window.

I slammed on the brakes.

"Listen to me. I don't know what this thing is between us, but whatever it is it's good okay? I don't want you to ever say that again."

She nodded. I started driving again. We pulled into the driveway and I parked the car in front of my garage. I walked her up to the front door and grabbed her hand, bringing it to my lips.

"Goodnight." I turned to walk away.

"Wait," she pulled my hand back. "Stay with me tonight." She grasped my hand with both of hers and led me into the dark house.

**A/N: You know what would completely make my day? A review from YOU. Yes you! The one sitting right in front there. I know you have something to say about this chapter so talk to me : )**


	9. Fireworks

**A/N: For this a/n I've decided to do the Top 7 (Because I couldn't decide on just five or six for that matter) Songs for Code of Conduct, especially for those of you who have not listened to the playlist. As I've pointed out, music is a huge thing for me so I want you to understand this story. The tone, the characters, the actual story. Everything is affected by it. So drumroll here are the top seven songs of Code of Conduct:**

**7. Dying to Live Again by Hedley**

**6. Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore**

**5. Trip by Hedley**

**4. Right Here Waiting by Staind**

**3. Comedown by Bush**

**2. Set Fire to the Third Bar by Snow Patrol and Martha Wainwright**

**1. Running Up That Hill by Placebo**

**Comments? Thoughts?**

**Edward**

It had become a regular occurrence over the past two weeks. Me spending the night with her. In her bed. Sneaking back out to my house before Charlie could catch wind. I woke up extra early in the morning to avoid a run in with Charlie. He already interrogated me about sleeping with his daughter; I didn't want him walking in on me in her bed. Not that anything happened, per se. Sure we kissed a little before she fell asleep, but nothing more than we'd done before. She eventually dozed off to sleep, her hand resting on my chest. I freaked out a little that first night when she pulled herself closer to me, but it felt right. She fit perfectly against my body. Her head sit flawlessly under my chin and I found myself wrapping my arms around her as she slept.

I never slept much, but tonight was a little worse than usual and I didn't know why. I sat awake, listening to Bella's slow breathing. At four, while it was still dark outside, I slipped carefully out of bed. I lifted her off me and gently placed her back in our spot, making sure to pull the covers up close around her. As I started to pull away she moaned and reached for me again.

"Where are you going?" She said, her voice still full of sleep.

"I don't want to get caught Bella." I leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"But I don't want you to go…" She grabbed my shirt and tried to pull me back down.

"I have to."

"Okay," she said, snuggling back into bed. I half-wondered if she was still asleep.

"I'll see you in a couple of hours okay? We'll go for our run." I kissed her again and slipped out the door.

I went back to my house and lay down on my bed, running my fingers through my hair. I thought it'd be hard, doing this, keeping it from Charlie. Not physically…mentally. But it was easy and I knew that was a bad thing. We still hadn't had the "talk" about what we were really. Sure we made each other laugh. And I was most happy when I was around her. And I really loved kissing her. And I definitely found her…attractive. But anything beyond that I had no idea. Or was that all there was? It was all so confusing and I had no idea how to remedy it. It wasn't awkward, it just kind of…was.

My alarm went off at quarter to five and I pulled myself off my bed to get dressed. Bella was waiting outside for me when I finished. She was smiling as she stretched her muscles, making sure to wink at me as I passed.

I bent down and started stretching my leg muscles. I snuck a look behind me and noticed her eyes fixed on me. I blushed a little, not because I was embarrassed of my body, but the way she looked at me. It was a perfect mix between animalistic and angelic. It did crazy things to a guy.

"Ready?" I said, straightening myself up.

"Yep." She smiled and we started off on our usual route. We never talked during our runs, I don't really know why. I guess it was kind of therapeutic for both of us. It was just nice to have someone there with you.

We slowed to a walk as the house came back in view. Bella slowed a little, falling behind and let out a soft laugh.

"What?" I said, turning around to face her.

"You know you're kind of cute when you're all hot and sweaty…" She slowly came to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me behind my house and out of view. She pushed me roughly up against the wall and pressed her lips against mine. I pulled away and craned my neck around the corner, making sure we didn't have an audience. When I was sure we were alone I allowed myself to kiss her back, my hands roaming up and down her back, settling tightly on her hips. I pulled them forcefully to mine and she whimpered a little.

"Are you excited about the party tonight?" She mumbled against my lips.

"I don't know. I'll probably have to work security or something."

It was the Fourth of July and every year Charlie had this extravagant party at his place. I know that given my past I should be all gung ho about celebrating our nation, but for some reason I had a bad feeling about tonight. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep last night. It'll be my first Fourth of July since I've been back and I didn't really know how I was supposed to deal with it.

"Come on. It'll be fun." She wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her chin on my chest.

"Only because you'll be there," I whispered, bending down to kiss her again. "Boxing today?" I kinked an eyebrow.

"If you insist on me kicking your ass again." She laughed and started off towards the house. I'd like to say that it wasn't true, but honestly she was getting good. We'd been practicing almost every day and she was showing some amazing improvement. She even gave me a bruise on my arm last week, which wasn't too bad when she was kissing the hurt away later. Her aim still needed improvement, but she was starting to look like a boxer when she moved. She was graceful, elegant, which are words you wouldn't normally associate with boxing or Bella, but she was.

She immediately put her gloves on when we got inside and started at the punching bag. I sat down on the weight bench and started humming the "Eye of the Tiger." She stopped and turned towards me, her hands on her hips.

"Not. Funny."

"I think it's funny." I smiled as she sat down on the bench beside me.

"Do you really think I'm getting better at this whole thing?" She nodded towards the punching bag.

"Yes I do."

She looked down, almost looking embarrassed to be happy about it. But she couldn't hide her enormous smile.

"I told you you'd get better at it with practice Bella." I started to lean in and give her kiss, something I had to urge to do a lot lately, but I froze when I spotted some movement out of the corner of my eye. I cleared my throat a little while I came up with a cover. "You've got an…eyelash there." I quickly brushed away what wasn't really there and sat back.

"Have a good run this morning you two?" Charlie stepped into the room and leaned against the wall.

"Yeah it was good." Bella smiled and got up off the bench. She gave Charlie a kiss on the cheek and left the room. He stared at me for a long time after she left. Sometimes I wondered if he knew. But I felt like if he knew I'd be hearing about it. He definitely wasn't shy about asking if I was having sex with Bella.

"I wanted to talk about tonight Edward."

"Okay." I turned to face him and rested my hands on my knees.

"There's going to be a lot of people around the property tonight and I just want to discuss some security with you. I should have asked you earlier, but do you think your brother would be interested in working for me tonight?"

I was little surprised by his question but I kind of liked the idea. "I'm sure he would. I can call him."

"That'd be great. It's just that, well I know you haven't been here incredibly long, but I trust you Edward. I think you're doing a great job with Bella and I trust your judgment. And I assume you'd vouch for your brother?"

"Of course."

"Okay well make the call. Tell him I'll pay him and that he can bring a guest if you okay them. You two will be working the front entrance, basically checking to make sure people are on the list and checking them for anything we wouldn't want in here. Once everyone is here, you two are free to enjoy the party as long as you generally keep an eye on things, don't let anything get out of hand." He nodded and slowly inched towards the door. He paused and turned back. "Edward?"

"Yeah."

"I really meant what I said about you and Bella. I think you're good for her. Probably the best bodyguard she's had. I can see a change in her and I can only pray it'll be permanent once you're no longer needed."

I attempted a smile but those last few words stung and a sudden realization hit me. Bella wasn't going to need me forever. Hell probably not for much longer. She would be eighteen in a few months and with her independent attitude I can't imagine her wanting a bodyguard for much longer right? And I guess I wouldn't protest, if it was what she really wanted. I'd stay as long as she wanted me to. As long as it was good for her, I'd be here. Even if it would hurt me to leave her I would do it. And it was hard as hell to admit that it would be hard to leave her. This was supposed to be just a job, but clearly it was turning into something more.

I made my way back to my house and took a quick shower. I wrapped a towel around me and shook my hair as I stepped out. Out in the living room I heard the distinct ring of my phone and I darted out of the bathroom to get it.

"Just the person I needed to talk to…" I smiled.

"And you're just the person I needed to talk to. Hence why I called you."

"Good word Em."

"Thanks. Anyway, what are you doing tonight? Besides Bella."

"I will not be…doing Bella tonight."

"You guys still aren't doing the horizontal tango?"

"No Emmett."

"Well shit man. This is serious."

"No it's not," I stammered.

"Okay whatever. So what are you doing?"

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about." I grabbed my dog tags from my desk and threw them over my neck. "Charlie's having this party….and he was wondering if you wanted to work security with me. He'd pay you and everything. You could even bring Rose if you want. As long as she's not a bitch to Bella."

"Getting paid to go to a party? I'm in. What time?"

"Well the party starts at eight so I'd say be here at seven just to be safe."

Two beeps in my ear signaled I'd received a text message. I pulled the phone away and smiled when I saw it was Bella.

_Move just a little to the left._

I smiled and did as she said, positioning myself in front of the window. I laughed when I saw her up in hers, staring right at me. She nodded moved closer to the window, placing her hands on the glass. I was vaguely aware of Emmett rambling on about God knows what, but all of my attention was focused on her.

Another two beeps.

_Drop the towel._

I smirked and shook my head.

_You're going to regret that._ She texted back, moving away from the window. I put the phone back up to my ear just in time to hear Emmett running through his clothing options for the evening.

"I'm sure that will look…" My voice trailed off as Bella stepped back in front of the window, her back facing me. Her bare, naked back. I gulped hard and tried to focus on what Emmett was saying, but I couldn't help the overwhelming reaction of my body at the sight of her.

"God Bella…" I whispered, my voice ragged.

"Huh?" Emmett said. "What the hell are you doing?....Ew Edward!"

"No Emmett, it's not…."

"Whatever. You go back to polishing the rocket and I'll see you tonight. And please don't ever talk to me while you're…doing that again. I know we're brothers, but its weird."

He hung up before I could explain myself. Great. When I looked up again Bella was gone, her mission accomplished. This girl definitely knew how to push my buttons…in a good way. As long as I wasn't talking to anyone.

I pulled a shirt on and started doing the buttons when the intercom went off.

"Edward?" Charlie's voice said.

I skipped over and pushed down the green button.

"Yeah."

"The people are here to set up for the party tonight. Would you mind helping them?"

"No not at all. Also Emmett accepted the job offer. I told him to be here at seven is that alright?"

"Perfect. Thank you. The vans should be up front."

"Alright." I finished buttoning my shirt, pulled some jeans on and headed outside. I followed the path up and around the house, spotting several white vans out in front. I smiled and nodded to some of the guys unloading what looked like tables and reached for one.

"Edward!"

I screamed and dropped the table back in the van. I spun around, relieved to see Alice.

"Alice. Nice to see you again. You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry. Charlie told me you were here to help so I'm here to direct."

"Direct?"

"Well see Charlie doesn't have much of the party planning gene in him and Bella couldn't care less so he always lets me plan this for him."

"I see. So…what should I do?"

"Oh you can help them unload the tables, I was just excited to see you."

I couldn't hold in my laughter. This one was quite the character.

"Alright. Well just let me know when you need me Little One."

"Will do."

"Bella!" She screamed. I turned and saw Bella stalking grumpily down the stairs, her arms crossed in front of her. She was so cute when she was angry.

"Alice. I already told you I don't do party planning. And I don't get excited about napkins, or place cards, or fucking ice sculptures."

"Language!" Charlie scolded from somewhere inside.

Bella stepped outside into the sunlight and I noticed her hair was damp, probably from taking a shower. She smiled slightly when she saw me and then went back to terrorizing Alice.

"Do I really have to help?"

"Yes you do. Because I'm your best friend and you love me. You don't even have to think you just have to help set up. Just do what I tell you."

"Story of my life," Bella sighed and started towards the second truck, which looked like it was full of flowers.

"Okay people! All the tables go in the backyard on the patio! Just set them far enough apart and we'll move as necessary!"

Another van pulled up and Alice scrambled away to "direct" them. I picked up a table and started towards the back. There were already a few set up so I just put it a few feet away and went to get another one.

It took us almost an hour to get the tables out back and another hour for Alice to tell us exactly where she wanted them. Next we loaded out the chairs, eight to each table, spaced exactly a foot apart. There was an extremely long table situated up by the house, which I assumed was going to be for the food. Alice was spreading a tablecloth across it as a few guys carrying a fucking ice sculpture approached her. She clapped her hands and pointed for them to set it towards the end.

We finished spreading the white table clothes over the rest of the tables. I was just about to make a swift exit when Alice cornered me and pulled me back towards the tables.

"We need to do the centerpieces," she said.

"What's a centerpiece?"

I heard Bella snicker behind me. She was working on something….I had no idea what it was, but it looked complicated.

"Just watch and learn. You too guys!" She motioned to the other guys setting up tables. Their eyes widened for a moment before they realized they were not getting out of this. We all huddled around Alice as she showed us the demonstration.

"Mirror goes in the center. Grab some flowers…" She hurried over to the table of red and white flowers, grabbed some, and ran back. "Flowers go in the middle of the mirror. Then take some blue ribbon and wrap it around like so." She did as she said, evening it out. "And then tie a bow."

"I can't tie bows," one of the men said.

"Me neither."

"Yes you can boys. Just try. Everyone can tie a bow. It's just like tying your shoes."

They all looked down at their slip on shoes and shrugged.

"Then take out some of this sparkly confetti and sprinkle like so. Then three candles on each mirror. Got it?" She looked up and smiled.

"Sure," we all said, looking really confused.

It took me five times to tie the bow right on my first centerpiece, but it looked like I was doing better than the rest. I think I ended up doing most of them because they couldn't even get past the first few steps.

"No, no Roger," I said, correcting him on his bow. "Bunny ears first, then wrap around."

"Thanks Edward."

When I finished I was completely covered in sparkles and was due for another shower. The whole thing was really coming together. The caterers were starting to set up the things for the food and I noticed a band setting up in the corner. I glanced at my watch and realized it was already after six. It'd taken us the whole day and Emmett was going to be here in less than an hour.

"Do you need me anymore Party Goddess?" I shouted to Alice.

"No Edward you are free to go. And wear the white button up!"

"Yes ma'am."

I laughed and headed back to my house and took another quick shower. My shower looked like it'd been bedazzled by the time I was finished.

I wore the white button up, just like Alice had instructed and pulled on a pair of khaki dress pants just as someone knocked on my door.

"They told me I'd find you back here," Emmett said, stepping through my door. "Nice pad man. You really got hooked up here."

"Yeah I guess I did." I sprayed some of my cologne and popped a piece of gum.

"So where's the lady?"

"I wouldn't know," I said, trying to act casual.

"Right," he eyed me.

There was another knock on the door and Emmett pulled it open. I was a little surprised to see Charlie standing behind it.

"Hello I'm Charlie," he introduced himself to Emmett. "You must be Edward's brother, it's nice to meet you."

Charlie was dressed up more than I'd ever seen him. He wore a nice jacket and it looks like he made the effort to shave today. Impressive.

"The guests should be arriving in about a half hour. Edward if you could give Emmett a quick tour of the property and the house." He handed me a couple of clipboards. "These have the name of every guest. If they're not on the list, they don't get in. No exceptions. If anyone looks suspicious, give them a pat down. There are also some metal detectors in the closet underneath the stairs of the main house. Take them with you as well. I know this all probably seems a little extreme considering these people are supposed to be my friends but…" He looked directly at me and I understood why we had to be careful. He nodded and left.

"Well show me around little bro." Emmett slung his arm around my shoulder and we started out.

I gave him a brief description of the property before we started up towards the house. I showed him around the downstairs and was about to go back outside, but I was distracted by the loud laughter coming from the second floor. I could hear Bella and Alice…and another voice I recognized.

"You left Rose with Bella?" I yelled. "What the hell were you thinking? You saw how she treated her at the benefit."

"Relax. I ran into some little brunette on the way in…Alice I think? And she offered to entertain Rose while I did my duties. Chill man, I'm sure everything's fine."

I glanced back up at Bella's door and hoped that the laughter was a good sign. I wanted tonight to go perfect for her. I could tell she was excited about it.

We started out to the main entrance, just at the beginning of the driveway. I saw two other men dressed in black at the gate, leaning in and checking each car for people. Probably just to get a feel in case something was off.

The first guests arrived and we started checking off everyone's name. Emmett fit pretty well into his role, which I knew he would. He's always good at adapting to things like this. We were fairly busy for a while, completely backed up. But thankfully there were no problems. As the sun started to set the line thinned. Only a few stray cars trickled inside. The improvised parking lot on the front lawn was getting pretty full. I turned my head back towards the house and looked for Bella, but I couldn't see her. Most of the people were around back now anyway. I heard someone approach but I didn't turn.

"Name?" I asked.

"Black."

I spun around and was met with Jacob's smiling face. A man in a wheelchair sat next to him. I grimaced and scanned my list. There they were. Jacob and Billy Black. That must be his father. In all honesty I was a little surprised Charlie invited them after the whole debacle with Bella.

"Go on in," I said, wishing I could have told him to go to hell.

"Thank you." He pushed his father towards the house.

"Is that going to be a problem for you?" Emmett leaned over.

"I haven't decided yet."

**Bella**

Alice and I sat up in my room, slowly but surely getting ready for the party. I'd finally been able to pull her away from the decorating; assuring her that everything would turn out fine without her.

"So B. Any developments with Edward?"

I smiled without even realizing I was doing it. My fingers ran absentmindedly through my closet, trying to figure out what to wear. It was definitely not a jeans occasion, but not prom either. A nice cocktail dress would probably due. I pulled out my favorite red dress that I'd bought for myself as a Christmas and laid it on the bed.

"Not really."

"So what….nothing's happened at all?"

"I wouldn't say that." I pulled my hair up and held it on top of my head, trying to figure out what to do with it.

"Eek!" Alice screamed, looking out the window. "They're doing it wrong!" She stomped out of the room. I was actually surprised I'd been able to keep her away for this long. I sighed and sat down at the window, waiting for her to reappear. She came out of the house, finger pointing, screaming at the set up guys. I felt so bad for them. But if something wasn't exactly like Alice wanted she was going to tell you. My eyes drifted over to Edward's house, wishing I could see him. I was definitely still in that whole crush phase with him. The butterflies in my stomach signaled that. And it was annoying as fuck.

"Alice!" I yelled out the window. "Get back up here or I'll have to physically drag you!"

"Just give me a minute will you?!" She snapped, turning around to face me with her hands on her hips.

I laughed a little to myself and stepped back from the window, going to my closet to pick out my shoes jewelry. I heard the front door open and a few voices. One was my dad. One was Alice. The other two sounded vaguely familiar but I couldn't place them. I spun around and plugged my curling iron in as I heard Alice starting up the stairs.

"Thank you for taking me in…" A soft voice said. Alice opened the door and stepped in, Rosalie following close behind her.

I stiffened in my chair and turned around. "What are you doing here?"

"Emmett's helping Edward with security and Alice offered to keep me company until they were done." She sat herself down on the edge of my bed like we were best friends and glanced over at my dress. "That's cute."

"Yeah I told her she could help us get ready!" Alice smiled. Traitor. In all fairness she didn't know how bitchy Rosalie and Tanya were to me so she was forgiven slightly. But out of all the people I wouldn't want to step through my door, Rosalie was in the top five.

Alice pulled her shirt off, not shy about anything and reached for her navy blue dress that was hanging on my closet door.

"Can you zip me Bella?"

I eyed Rosalie one more time before going to help Alice. I sat back down and attempted to curl my hair a little. I could feel Rosalie's eyes on me the entire time. Alice was just chatting away like she couldn't feel the tension in the room.

After I curled one strand of hair for the fifth time with no luck I threw down the iron and almost gave up. I was not someone who did their hair everyday, especially this nice. I mean I had to call Alice the day of the benefit to ask her how to use hot rollers. I was surprised they actually turned out. But Alice had insisted that I be semi dressy tonight. And like I said if something isn't how Alice wants it, she'll tell you.

"Alice I can't do this," I muttered, appraising myself in the mirror.

"Don't be silly. I'll help you." She skipped over and started working on me. All I could do was sit. And sit. And sit. It took her forever. She was almost done with the back when a large crash came from the backyard. She dropped the curling iron right on the floor and ran to the window.

"No!" She shrieked. I swear she got so anxious over things I was surprised she didn't already have high blood pressure. "Not the ice sculpture! Ugh!" She ran out of the room.

"Alice wait! You have to finish my hair!" I know I wasn't too particular about my looks, but I wasn't going to a party with half curled hair.

"I can do it," Rosalie said softly, getting up and coming to stand beside me. She grabbed the curling iron and starting working without another word. I was a little stunned, but I guess it was nice of her.

"I know you think I'm a heinous bitch. And I know Tanya is a heinous bitch. Sometimes I even wonder why I'm friends with her." She laughed under her breath as her fingers moved through my hair. "But I'm not as bad as you think I am. I'm just very protective over Edward."

"Why?"

"He's like a brother to me Bella. Emmett and I have been together for a long time and I practically grew up with their family." She finished my hair and set the iron down on the desk.

I swallowed hard and got up, picking my dress off the bed and slipping it off the hanger. I glanced quickly at Rosalie before I slipped my shirt over my head, facing the wall, and pulled the dress on. She came up quickly behind me and zipped it up.

"Just be careful okay? He's more fragile than he looks."

I spun around to ask her what she meant but Alice burst back into the room almost on the brink of tears. "They dropped the ice sculpture! They. Dropped it. It was supposed to be this beautiful Greek God statue and now he's missing an arm!"

Rosalie and I smiled at each other, trying to hold in our laughter. I guess she wasn't so bad really. It was a pleasant surprise and I was relieved I wouldn't have to beat her ass one day.

"Alice. Breathe." I grabbed her by the shoulders and tried to calm her down. She looked like she was about to collapse from lack of oxygen. "Rosalie…umm…get her phone. It's in her purse. Get Jasper on the phone please."

Alice was mumbling to herself as Rosalie dug around in her purse. She pulled it out eventually and scanned through her contacts. As soon as she hit send I grabbed the phone and waited for him to answer.

"Hello?"

"Jazz it's Bella. Listen when are you going to be here?" I tried to hide the panic in my voice.

"Just pulling in. What's going on?"

"Uh…" I looked over at Alice. "We've got a slight problem…."

"What is it? Is Al okay?"

"The Greek God took a tumble."

"Shit…" He whispered. "I'll be right there."

Rosalie and I sat on the bed, on either side of her, trying to calm her down. Jasper walked in five minutes later and instantly bent down in front of her.

"Baby?" He took her face in his hands.

"Jazz it's ruined!" For the first time she actually started crying. Up until this point it'd just been hyperventilating and mumblings.

"Sweetie it's not ruined." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "It looks beautiful."

"Really?" She sniffled. She seemed to calm a little under his touch, but was still on the verge of hysterical.

"Yes really." He leaned in and whispered something in her ear and she actually cracked a smile. Alice nodded her head slightly and Jasper turned to me. "Can we borrow your extra bedroom?"

"Ew."

Alice's eyes started to fill with tears again.

"Okay okay fine! But wash the sheets!" I threw my arms up in defeat as Jasper carted Alice off to the other room to do God knows what. I know stuff like that calms people down but I don't need to know about it.

The music started playing down below and I took that as our cue to make our appearance.

"Let's go skank," Rosalie said, starting out the door.

"Whore," I snickered.

We made our way downstairs, leaving Alice and Jasper to their therapy session. The patio was filled with people. And Jasper wasn't lying. It really did look beautiful. The white paper light globes I'd been assembling earlier littered the sky, strung up by almost invisible fishing line. It looked almost magical. I scanned the crowd for Edward or Emmett but I couldn't find them. They must not be done yet.

After trying, very unsuccessfully, to get a drink from the bar Rosalie and I sat at a table by ourselves watching everyone around us. I sipped on my soda, letting my eyes wander. Rosalie set her purse under the table and pulled out a flash, quickly pouring some liquid fun into both of our drinks.

"I knew I liked you," I said, winking at her. Rosalie smiled and her eyes drifted behind me.

"Can I talk to you?"

I turned around and my smile fell.

"I don't think I want to hear what you have to say Jacob." I turned back to Rosalie and tried to ignore him.

"Please Bella."

I sighed and contemplated for a moment before realizing he wouldn't leave me alone if I said no. "Fine. Excuse me Rosalie."

I stood up and followed Jacob off the patio, just under the big tree in our backyard.

"Okay talk." I crossed my arms and focused my eyes on the dance floor, where Alice and Jasper had finally graced us with their presence. She looked like the perfect image of calm as he twirled her around the dance floor. Lucky bitch.

"Okay. I wanted to…apologize for what I said at the party."

"And what exactly was that?" I glared at him and took a step forward.

He looked down and shuffled his feet nervously. "I called you something I shouldn't have and I really regret it."

I looked at him a good long moment before relaxing a little. "Okay fine I forgive you. But that doesn't mean its okay or that I like you right now. I'm not a whore."

"I don't think you're a whore," he said softly. He put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sky. "So are you like…going out with him or something?" He smiled.

I can't believe he had the nerve to ask me something like that. We were not back to the good friends who talk about things stage. Not yet. "None of your damn business!" I yelled. "Go away you're annoying me."

He turned around laughing and made his way back to the dance floor, leaving me alone under the tree. I snuck a look back and was surprised to see Emmett sitting beside Rosalie at the table.

I felt that familiar rush as I looked through the crowd frantically. He was here. But where was he? Not at the tables. Not at the bar. Not on the dance floor. Maybe he had to stay behind and do something else. I sighed and turned back to the darkness. The fireworks should be starting soon.

"I'm over here…" his voice called from the other side of the tree. It was completely draped in shadows; so dark I couldn't even see him.

I smiled and reached my arms out, taking a few steps towards his voice. I shuddered as his fingers touched mine and pulled me to him. He snaked his arm around my waist and started twirling me around to the soft, distant music.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up." I could barely make out the outline of his face.

"I got to you as soon as I could Miss Swan," he smiled and bent down to press his lips to mine. He twirled me around a few more times and I rested my head softly on his chest. "Was that Jacob I saw you talking to?"

"Not really. He was mostly talking to me."

"And what did he say?" He stopped us and brought his finger under my chin, gently lifting my eyes to his. There was just the faintest glint of light hitting his eyes.

"He said he was sorry for what he said." I cleared my throat, hoping he wouldn't ask anymore.

"Good."

"Good?" I laughed. "I thought you hated him."

"I don't hate him Bella. He just makes me…anxious. Especially around you."

"Why?"

He let go of me and leaned back against the trunk of the tree. "I dunno."

"Liar." I stepped forward and tugged at his shirt. "Come on what is it?"

He shrugged. It hit me then. I knew why. And it was completely ridiculous.

"You're not jealous are you?" I kinked an eyebrow.

He stayed silent.

"Oh come on Edward. That's so…"

"Is it? I know that just friends thing with him is bullshit."

I reached up and traced my finger down his jaw. "It was. But it's not anymore." I forced him to look at me. "I'm crazy about you, can't you see that?" I hesitantly leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. It took him a moment before he started kissing me back but once he did it was pure ecstasy.

He whipped me around and pressed me up against the tree. The sharp bark was piercing and scratching my back but I honestly didn't care. His mouth moved frantically against mine, almost like we'd be ripped apart at any moment. I grabbed at his shirt and pulled him closer to me, pressing his warm body against mine. His lips left mine and moved quickly down my neck and shoulder, his finger delicately slipping the strap of my dress down. He traced down my arm, and lingered on my hip before resting his hand on my thigh. A small growl escaped his lips as he yanked it up, hitching it at his hip and pressing his body closer. I reached down and started guiding his hand up. It slipped under the hem of my dress and he instantly stopped kissing me. He pulled his face back, a questioning look in his eye. I pulled his hand up farther, brushing against the fabric of my underwear. He slipped his finger between the hem and my skin, right at my hip and my eyes closed as my head fell back at the feeling. But then he stopped.

"What's wrong?" I said, opening my eyes again. He was staring off into the distance, a hard look on his face.

"I don't think this is a good idea." He said, his teeth clenched with restraint.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know if I could stop." He turned his face back to me and I saw the sheer lust in his eyes. It was so overwhelming I felt my knees wobble a little.

"What if I don't want you to stop?" I whispered.

He clenched his eyes tight and shook his head, removing his hand from under my dress.

"Bella you can't say stuff like that to me…" He stepped back. "We can't…do that."

I nodded in understanding, no matter how much I wanted to argue with him. I knew why he was so conflicted. That line we'd crossed before would be completely blown out of the water by this. And maybe he was right. We weren't ready. But that doesn't mean I didn't think about it. A lot. Especially when he was kissing me.

A loud boom made both of us jump as the sky lit up with gold. Edward's eyes were wide with panic.

"Come on," I smiled and grabbed his hand, turning us around. "Let's watch the fireworks."

The second one went off sending splashes of red and blue across the darkness. Edward's hand tensed around mine.

The third was a series of small pops. White ones. Almost looked like a sparkling willow tree. I could actually feel Edward's heavy breathing beside me.

I finally turned my eyes away from the show to look at him. His eyes were straight ahead, but not here. Somewhere else. There were visible beads of sweat rolling down the side of his face and with each boom his hand tightened around mine. So much so that it was starting to hurt.

"Edward?"

"I have to go," he said quickly, releasing my hand and disappearing back towards his house.

I stood in shock, my hand still outstretched. What just happened? I glanced back at the dance floor to see if anyone else had noticed. Thankfully all their eyes were on the sky. Charlie was moving along the back of the crowd, a beer in his hand.

"Where's my Bella?" He said laughing.

I quickly straightened my dress out and rejoined the crowd.

"There she is!" He yelled, coming to me and throwing an arm around my shoulder. "What the hell were you doing out there?" He nodded to the dark shadows I'd just emerged from.

"Just uh…taking a little break." I faked a smile, but my head was reeling in questions. And all I wanted to do was find Edward.

"Happy Fourth of July honey." He kissed the top of my head.

"Happy Fourth of July Dad."

"Where's Edward?"

"He…he wasn't feeling well. I told him to go lie down."

"Oh." His face hardened a little. "Well I guess that's good then. Everything seems to be in order here anyway."

"I'm going to go find Alice," I smiled again and started pushing frantically through the crowd towards Edward's house.

"Alice cover for me!" I yelled to her as I passed, not even bothering to take my eyes off my destination. I broke into a run as soon as I made it through the people, practically running straight into his door.

I froze as soon as I saw him. He was sitting on his bed, his knees up to his chest and his head buried. I didn't say a word as I went to join him. I pulled off my shoes and sat down to face him. When he finally looked up at me I could see the glistening on his cheeks left over from his tears.

Before I could ask him what was wrong he flung himself forward and collapsed onto my lap, desperately clinging to my waist as he sobbed. I didn't know what to do. So I just ran my fingers through his hair and waited it out.

I'd lost track of time. I don't know how long he cried. Or long it'd been since he stopped. But he did and began tracing small circles on my exposed knee.

"Where are you at baby?" I bent down and kissed the topped of his head.

"I need to tell you something…" He said softly.

"Okay."

He slowly sat up and leaned back against the headboard. "It's about where I was before…"

I scooted closer and listened.

"Bella I was in the war. I'm…I'm a soldier in the army."

I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but it wasn't that. Suddenly everything made sense. Why he didn't want to talk about it. The "accident" with his friends. And finally the reason why he was terrified of the fireworks. They sounded like bombs going off. I was realizing what Rosalie meant by fragile and it broke my heart to even think of him being in that kind of environment, or of someone wanting to intentionally hurt him. Kill him. I felt my chest tighten at the thought.

I slowly crawled to him and laid my head on his chest just to listen to his heartbeat. I knew that he was okay. I mean he was here, right now, with me. But I had to hear it. I had no idea why, but it felt like my whole world centered on that soft thump. I turned my head and kissed his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Come on let's go to bed." He mechanically reached beside me and pulled the covers back. I slid inside and went back to his chest as soon as he was too. I was going to listen to his heartbeat for the rest of the night. Whether I was ready to admit it or not, it was the most important thing in my life right now.

**A/N: So I know it was hinted at, but who else is relieved that Edward finally revealed his secret to Bella? Woohoo! Secondly, a huge shoutout thank you to all the soldiers all over the world because you deserve it. Lastly I'm posing a review challenge to you all. Let's see how many we can get. So that means if you've never reviewed before just click the little review button, it's easy as pie. You know you want to. I know you all wouldn't want to disappoint right? You never do. XOXO  
**


	10. Crash Course

**Edward**

I slept better that night than I had in a long time. I woke up feeling completely rested and comfortable and even though Bella was gone by then, I felt…better. I thought I'd never be able to tell her. And even though it was just the tip of the iceberg, it was something.

She knew my demons and I knew hers. And even though it didn't make us completely free from them, it was like a huge weight got pulled of our shoulders. I felt like I could breathe again, completely opposite from that overwhelming pressure I experienced at Charlie's party. The fireworks hadn't even crossed my mind. They hadn't been a fucking miniscule thought. But the first blast caught me off guard and I felt myself go into survival mode. I didn't know how I could have possibly thought that they were here, in Forks. But I did. For that split second before I realized it was just the fireworks I was contemplating grabbing Bella's hand and running away and turning around to fight them. Flight or fight. By the second boom I knew what it was, but my intense fear didn't go away. I felt like I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. I didn't know how powerful and deep this fear was, but when it surfaced it hit me like a cement block. When I could finally move again, I had to get out of there or I was going to fall apart in front of everyone. It was strange how quickly this whole range of emotions flew through me, it couldn't have been more than a minute or two. I was gone and alone. And then I wasn't anymore. She was there.

She sat on the edge of my bed and didn't really pressure me to talk about it, but for some strange reason I wanted to tell her. But when I opened my mouth all of my emotions from the last ten minutes came out in heaving sobs. And when I finally did tell her, she surprised me. I figured she run away and then was ashamed for even thinking it. When I felt her body against mine I felt at peace, completely calm.

Since that night our relationship is on a totally different level. She understands me and I understand her. Before there'd always been that little piece of unknown. And we obviously didn't know everything about each other yet, but the scary part was over. We'd always been compatible…physically. And sure we got along great, but we hadn't reached that level of emotional attachment until them. And let me tell you, as good as kissing her and teasing her and joking around with her is….this is incomparable. The damn butterflies are still there, but they're slowly burning deeper and deeper into me. And it's something I've never felt before. She's the only one that can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time and I feel like I'm starting to live in one of those God-awful romantic comedies. Edward Cullen, leading man. It's a role I never thought I'd play.

I was a little surprised when she crawled onto my chest and pressed her ear tightly over my heart.

"What are you doing?" I whispered in her ear.

"Listening to your heart," she mumbled, half asleep.

I sighed and laid my head back. I knew it then. We were in deep, at that point where you aren't sure if you're going to drown or stay afloat. Kicking and fighting for the surface, but knowing it was going to pull you under.

It'd been weeks since then, almost the first of August. Charlie's been home a lot, spending less time on the job. They've been a little slow lately, which has been a little problematic for me and Bella. We had to be a lot more careful with our relationship. It wasn't so simple to steal a kiss in the kitchen or spend nights together. It felt like Charlie was always there in the morning and night. The only time we got any time to ourselves was during the day…but only when he was at work. It was frustrating.

Today was a normal day. Just like every other. Charlie wasn't working today and Bella and I had stayed apart last night. It got harder to sneak in and out when Charlie was actually around.

I woke up early and Bella joined me for our morning ritual, as we came to call it. Running and boxing. Every morning. When I first met her I never thought I'd see her do the things she was doing, but I've learned to expect the unexpected from her. She finds a way to surprise me every damn day.

We spent the rest of the day apart. She said something about going shopping with Charlie. She was headed back to school in a month and needed to get some clothes and supplies. Apparently Charlie gets antsy about that kind of stuff. It was up to her she'd wait until the day before classes start. I could already tell that Charlie was anxious about her starting school. It was her senior year and even though she hadn't been with him that long, he was terrified of losing her. It was a strange kind of love between them. It was like an unspoken devotion, utter silent adoration that irked me in a good way. She deserved it after that Hell she went through with that mistake of a stepfather.

I was lying on bed when I heard the car door slam. They must be back. I ran my fingers through my hair and hurried up to the house. Bella and Charlie were grabbing bags out of the backseat.

"Hey. How'd shopping go?" I stuck my arms out to help. Bella smiled. Charlie huffed and glanced at me with an annoyed look.

"Great," Bella said.

"If you call spending all my money great." Charlie started inside. I grabbed the rest of the bags and Bella and I followed him inside. Charlie set his bags down at the bottom of the stairs and plopped himself down on the couch.

"Those are groceries so they go in the kitchen." Bella smiled and pointed to the bags in my hand. She grabbed the ones Charlie had set at the bottom of the stairs and ran them up to her room.

I waddled into the kitchen and set the bags down on the counter. I slowly started putting away the food. Milk in the fridge, soup in the cupboard…I slowed as I pulled out the lacy black bra. This definitely wasn't food.

"Oops," Bella smiled as she pounced into the room and started putting away the rest of the food. "I must have forgotten that was in there." She winked at me and I knew she was lying. I turned around towards the counter and looked down at it again. It was…nice. Delicate. Feminine. I ran my fingers over the lace and couldn't help but let my mind wander…

"Maybe I could try it on for you later?" She whispered, brushing up against me and pulling herself up on the counter beside me. My cheeks flushed as the smirk spread across my face.

She leaned over and ran her fingers slowly down my chest. I gave her a stern look. Not here.

"But I haven't seen you all day…" She whined, coming closer and placing a kiss on neck. I felt her soft tongue on my skin. I pulled back and sighed. "What? You don't want me to touch you? Or would you rather touch me?" She reached for my hand and slowly pulled it up her thigh. I panicked and yanked it away. "What's wrong with you?" She said, a little angrier.

"Nothing is wrong with me," I whispered. "But your dad is in the other room and I'd prefer him not see…that."

"Fine." She looked down at her lap and started kicking her legs idly.

"Bella…" I pinched the bridge of my nose and quickly glanced around the corner. Charlie had his feet propped up on the couch and a beer in hand. I walked back to her and pushed her knees apart, positioning myself in between them. "You think I don't want you right now? That I don't want to touch you…or kiss you…or taste your skin?" I gently placed my hands on her hips, keeping an ear out for Charlie. I leaned in closer to her. "It's driving me crazy."

She bit down on her lip and I couldn't stop myself from leaning down and kissing her. I felt her smile against my lips as she wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me tighter. I tried to push her back, not remembering where we were, but her head hit with a bang against the cupboard.

"Ouch! Fuck!" She yelled, rubbing her head.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I said, completely panicked that I broke her or something. "Let me see."

"What the hell are you two doing out there?" Charlie yelled.

"Nothing!"

I heard him get off the couch and start to shuffle towards the kitchen. I started to pull away but Bella's legs were still wrapped around me.

"Let go!" I whispered.

She shook her head.

"Bella!"

She stuck her bottom lip out and pointed to her head, where a bump was probably forming. "Kiss."

I tried to break away from her again but she had a firm grip. I quickly kissed her head and she released me mere moments before Charlie walked into the kitchen. I cleared my throat and grabbed the closest magazine I could get my hands on, flipping through the pages without paying attention. I glanced at Bella from the corner of my eye and she was trying to contain her laughter. She would think this is funny.

Charlie walked right to the refrigerator and rummaged around for a little bit. Bella took a sip of her drink and started choking as she burst into laughter.

"Jesus Bella where'd you learn how to swallow?" Charlie said, still searching for something. That comment wasn't going to help.

I crossed my arms and leaned back against the counter as she ran to the sink and spit out her drink, unable to hold it any longer. I felt something soft bang against my side. I looked down and almost passed out when I saw her bra hanging on my arm. I took it off and started panicking. What do I do with it now?

Charlie started to close the fridge door and I did the only thing I could. I threw it up and away from me. It caught on the light and hung mere inches from Charlie's head.

"So Bells. What are you up to tonight?" I held my breath as Charlie turned towards her, hoping he wouldn't see it.

"Alice and Jasper are coming over to watch a movie."

"Good. I actually just got called into work for the night. Deputy Frank is sick." He started walking towards the door and I tried to avert my eyes from the lace hanging down from the ceiling. "What about you Edward? I know there isn't much to do around here. Sorry about that."

My mind went completely blank as I tried to stammer out an answer. "Um. I…I don't know sir I'll probably just read a book or something. I try to make the breast-I mean best of anything I have." Nice going ass. I tried to keep a straight face as he left the room. I don't know what it is about this man, but he totally scares the shit out of me. I've had people yell at me inches from my face and shoot bullets the size of chicken eggs at me and I wasn't that terrified. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was sneaking around with his underage daughter. Yeah. That was probably it.

Charlie changed into his uniform and was out the door just as the sun was starting to set. Alice and Jasper were at the gate an hour later. I buzzed them in and opened the door as they parked the car.

"Hello gorgeous!" Alice gave me a hug and walked inside. I said a quick "Hello" to Jasper and followed her inside.

"B?" Alice called.

"In here," Bella called from the kitchen. I could hear the pops of the popcorn in the microwave. Jasper and I went to wait in the living room, settling on the couch.

"So how's it going?" Jasper asked.

"Pretty good, how's it…"

"Why is there a bra on the light?" Alice's voice echoed across the foyer. Jasper eyed me suspiciously.

"Don't ask." I shook my head.

Alice and Bella emerged from the kitchen. Bella had a large bowl of popcorn in her hand and Alice was holding the bra in question across her chest.

"What do you think honey should I get one?" She sat down on Jasper's lap and looked down at her chest.

"It's beautiful…" He said, not even looking. He brushed her short hair back and kissed her neck. Bella sat down next to me and pulled a blanket over our laps, setting the popcorn in between us.

"Hi," she smiled as she stuffed some into her mouth.

"Hi."

I glanced back over at Alice and Jasper, who were basically making out next to us. I shifted closer to Bella and she laughed.

"They get like that sometimes…" She stared ahead at the blank TV screen like it was nothing. I put my arm around her shoulder as we waited it out for the next twenty minutes.

"So," Alice said, once she'd pulled her mouth away from Jasper. "What are we going to watch?" She hopped off him and ran to the entertainment center, pulling out almost every movie. She started reading through them and Jasper went to join her on the floor.

Bella stuck another handful of popcorn in her mouth and I was so distracted that I didn't notice her other hand sneak under the blanket. I glared at her when she brushed across the buttons of my jeans.

"You're really trying to push it today aren't you?" I muttered under my breath. She started slowly moving her hand and I felt my body reacting to her touch. "Bella please," I said through clenched teeth. She started moving her hand faster. "That's not what I meant."

"What are you two whispering about?" Alice spun her head around and kinked an eyebrow. Bella shrugged and I tried to maintain my focus. "Bella what do you want to watch?"

"I don't know. How about Free Willy?" She laughed.

The phone rang and I jumped at the chance to get out of this unpleasant situation. Not that the…situation was necessary unpleasant. But this was not the right time for that. And plus that was definitely something new. I mean we'd definitely…explored a little, but we hadn't gone there yet. Apparently she was telling me she was ready.

I ran to the foyer and picked up the phone before the second ring. "Swan Residence."

"Hello may I please speak to an Isabella Swan?" A man's deep voice said. Something was off…it didn't sound right.

"What's this about?" I said, my voice stern.

"I'm afraid that's something I'll have to discuss with Miss Swan."

"Well I'm her bodyguard so if you'd like to speak with her you'll tell me what it's regarding."

There was a long pause on the phone before he continued. "This is Doctor Simpson from the hospital. We've just admitted a Charles Swan and he has her listed as a next of kin."

"Charlie?" I glanced out into the living room and saw Bella turn around to look at me. I tried to hide the concern in my face. I didn't want to scare her. "Is he okay?" I said softly.

"He was in a car accident sir. He's awake, but he's in a lot of pain."

"Okay we'll be right there." I hung up the phone and walked back to a silent room.

"Who was that?" Bella said softly. I knew she knew something was wrong. I could see it in her eyes.

"The hospital. Your dad had a car accident Bella."

**Bella**

I could feel all the blood rushing out of my face as he uttered the words "car accident." Was it bad? Was he okay? Was he even alive? What happened? A million questions were running through my head but I was completely at a loss for any words to ask them. I tried to get up off the couch because there was no question to where I should be right now. I needed to be at the hospital with him, whether it was good or bad.

As soon as I felt the weight on my legs, my knees buckled and I fell back onto the couch. All three of them rushed over, arms outstretched, but I just buried my head in my hands and told myself to breathe.

"Guys we'll meet you at the hospital…" Edward said softly to Alice and Jasper as he sat down beside me. As soon as he placed his hand on my back I lost it. I turned and collapsed into Edward's chest.

"Just breathe Bella…" He rubbed my back affectionately. "Just breathe…"

I just sat for a moment and concentrated on his voice. It calmed me more than I thought imaginable and I could feel the ease starting to course through my veins.

"Okay." I sat up and wiped my eyes. "We need to go to the hospital. Can you drive?" I jumped up and started running towards the door. Edward ran after me and grabbed my arm, spinning me back around to face him.

"Baby just…relax for a second okay." He took my face in his hands and forced my eyes to his.

"Edward I have to get to the hospital." I tried to look away but he wouldn't let me. I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes again.

"I know, I know." He ran his fingers lightly over my lips. "He's going to be okay." He nodded his head and bent down to kiss my cheek. "Okay let's go." He grabbed my hand and led me out to the car.

It started to rain as I stared out the window, watching the trees rush by in a blur. Almost like my mind at the moment. Just a rush of fuzzy images. Snippets of my memories of my father. My very first memory of him, I was four and he took me fishing with him for the first time. Me crying and clinging to him when my mom and I moved to Phoenix. The look in his eyes when he couldn't keep me with him. The long and in between phone calls. The unsaid love between us. The look in his eyes when I first came back to him, the disappointment. And finally today. Today was a good day. Until now.

I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't even realize we'd pulled into the hospital. Edward got out of the car and came around to open my door for me. He pulled me out and I looked up at the bright red "Emergency" sign, blinking through the rain. Edward placed his hand on the small of my back and slowly edged me forward until I started walking.

Alice and Jasper were already in the waiting room.

"There you guys are. They won't tell us anything because we're not family," Alice said. Her cheeks were tear stained. It was the saddest I've ever seen her look. I couldn't even imagine what I looked like.

Edward left me for a moment to talk to the nurse at the desk.

"Excuse me? We're here for Charlie Swan."

"Are you family?"

"That's his daughter." He turned towards me. "Bella?"

I walked mechanically over to him, crossing my arms in front of me, thinking it would protect me from the hurt I was about to experience. The nurse looked me over and led me through a pair of doors.

"I'm sorry sir if you're not family you'll have to wait outside," she turned and stopped, eyeing Edward beside me.

"No please. It's okay." I grabbed his hand. "I need him with me."

"Alright." She sighed and led us down a long hallway, all lined with curtained off stalls. And the beeping. That God awful beeping of the machines. It was almost like a time bomb waiting to go off. Like everyone was just waiting for that second when the beeping stopped. When life stopped. I began to remember why I hated hospitals. They made me way too nervous for my own good, even when it wasn't my father here.

The nurse spoke to a group of doctors standing by the nurse's station and with a quick smile she was gone.

"Miss Swan?"

"Yes." I stepped forward, tugging Edward along with me.

"Right this way." He grabbed his clipboard and started towards one of the curtains. I closed my eyes shut as his hand reached for the curtain, afraid of what I was going to see when he pulled it back. I heard it fly open and someone cleared their throat inside. I opened my eyes and was surprised to find the bed empty and a familiar face sitting in the chair beside it.

"Aro?"

The man turned and offered me a slight smile.

"Hello Bella." He stood up and crossed the short distance to give me a hug. "How are you doing honey?" I let go of Edward's hand and wrapped my arms around him. Edward stood silently behind me, watching intently.

"Edward," I turned my face towards him as I snuggled into Aro's chest. "This is Aro. He's my Godfather." I turned back and buried myself into Aro's chest. He was one of my dad's best friends from the force, but he got transferred a few years ago. I didn't get to see him much. I finally let go and stepped back. "Aro this is Edward. He's my new bodyguard." They shook hands and offered a small hello.

"Where is he? Is he okay?" I said, running my fingers through my hair.

"They took him up for x-rays." A warm smile spread across his face. "He's going to be okay Bella."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and finally felt a small glimpse of hope since I'd heard.

"He's pretty banged up though," Aro continued. "He's got a broken leg, bruised ribs, nasty cut on his head."

"What happened?" I sat down in the chair. Edward instantly moved to be by my side. He stood leaning against the wall as I spoke with Aro.

"They aren't sure yet but…it looks like someone tampered with his cruiser."

"Tampered?"

"The brake lines appear to be cut."

Edward's breathing beside me became overwhelmingly loud and he quickly excused himself.

"I don't understand. Why would someone do that?"

"We don't know yet. But I'm transferring back here to take over his job while he's healing. We'll find who did it Bella." He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and left the area.

I started biting anxiously on my nails, trying to understand. But I couldn't. He didn't normally drive the cruiser home. It was almost always parked in the garage at the department. Shouldn't that be enough to prevent it from being "tampered with" or whatever he called it?

The sound of squeaking wheels stared along from outside the curtain. I pulled it back and gasped as they brought Charlie in. He was completely awake and his eyes widened when he saw me.

"Oh geez Bells. I told them not to call you. It's not as bad as it looks."

I ignored my urge to tell him off, that it was ridiculous. But I just offered him a smile and scooted my chair next to him.

"Are you in any pain?"

"Not too bad. Doc says I broke my leg, but other than that I'm not in bad shape."

I winced as I took in the gash on his head. It was taped over with bandages but I could see the blood seeping out in a thin line.

"Dad what happened?"

"I don't know. I dropped the truck off at the office and grabbed the cruiser. I started patrol and when I came to the bottom of that hill…you know the one?" I nodded. "My brakes were just…gone. I blew right through the stop line and another car hit me, then I hit the telephone pole."

My eyes fluttered shut as I began to realize how bad this could have been. I could have lost him today. I reached out for his hand and told him I'd be right back. I couldn't fall apart in front of him. He couldn't see me like that.

I blasted past the nurse's station and looked for any door out of the area, just to get away. I plowed through the first doors I could find and fell to my knees as soon as I was out of them. It was a mostly empty hallway. A vending machine sat a little ways down and a few chairs along the edge of the wall. Thankfully there was no one here. From my crazy loud sobs they might have thought I'd escaped from the psych ward.

I scooted to the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest, burying my face down and into darkness. When I heard the click of footsteps I quickly wiped the tears from my face and tried to act normal, if that was possible.

I relaxed back a little when I saw it was Edward. He was walking slowly towards me, his hands in his pockets looking at the ground. When he finally saw me he ran and flung himself down in front of me, holding my face in his hands.

"What happened? Is he okay?"

"He's okay," I sniffled. "He's just…" The sobs started again. "He's just so broken Edward and it's breaking me heart to see my father like that." I reached out to him and clung to his shirt. He held me and kissed my forehead, telling me that everything would be alright. We just sat on the hallway floor in each other's arms, rocking slowly back and forth trying to find some kind of comfort.

"Bella the important thing is that he's going to be fine. By next week I'm sure he'll be yelling at you for doing some pain in the ass thing again," Edward said.

I laughed a little and pulled back from him, wiping at my eyes again. "You're probably right." I leaned back and rested my hands on his knees. "Where'd you run off to?"

He averted his eyes from mine and started playing with my fingers, slowly tracing down one and up the other. I knew that look. He was avoiding telling me something that he really wants to tell me.

"Just spit it out Edward."

He sighed and scooted over to sit next to me, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "I got scared Bella."

"Of what?"

"Don't misunderstand, because I'm thankful that Charlie is okay but…you could have easily been in that car."

The thought had crossed my mind, but I tried not to think about it. Of course Charlie usually drove the truck home and around, but there were those few times he brought the cruiser home. And if that was the case we would have been driving it earlier. It could have been the both of us.

"And it scared me so much that it made me realize something." He turned his face towards me and inched closer, brushing his lips softly against mine.

"What's that?"

"Bella I think I'm falling in l…"

Panic mode. I knew what he was about to say and I panicked. "Please don't," I said quickly.

I couldn't take the hurt in his eyes and had to look away. I didn't do love. I've never even said it to another guy besides my dad. Of course I had feelings for Edward, but I can't…I can't do that. It gave you too much to lose. And I'd already lost enough.

"Why can't I tell you that? It's how I feel," he said.

"You don't l…" I paused, not even able to say it out loud. "You don't feel that way about me Edward." I shook my head, trying to convince myself.

"Oh I don't?" He said, getting angry.

"You don't. You think you do, but you don't. People always think they do and then they…" That was it. People who said they loved me were always letting me down. My dad was the only one I ever trusted. Maybe I wasn't worth the effort or something. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does." He stood up and started pacing. "It matters Bella!"

"Just drop it Edward." I stood up and started walking back to my dad.

"No." He grabbed my arm. "Talk to me."

"I don't deserve that from you Edward! I never asked for this!"

"Asked for what? For you and me? Bullshit!"

"Excuse me?"

A few nurses passed by, giving us strange looks.

"You wanted it just as much as I did and now you're just scared. God forbid you might actually feel something Bella!"

I was speechless. No response to what he was saying. Because I knew he was right. I started back towards the doors. "You can get a ride home from Alice and Jasper. They'll take you back." I turned back around and held out my hand. "Give me your keys."

He sighed and turned around, walking back towards the waiting room. I didn't think he was going to give them to me, but he pulled them out of his pocket and threw them on the ground.

"Mature," I said, bending down to pick them up.

"Fuck off!" He said, disappearing around the corner.

I was surprised at his hostility. I mean I knew he was a little off his rocker when he physically dragged me back to the house that one night, but never this sheer anger. Especially against me. It scared me a little.

I went back and sat next to my dad. He was asleep now. The nurses said they'd given him some pain medication and he'd probably be asleep the whole night. That I should go home and get some rest. But I couldn't just leave him.

I sat in the chair, because there was no other place, and felt my head droop every now and then, heavy with sleep. I didn't realize I'd dozed off until someone tapped my shoulder and I jumped awake.

"Bella. Go home," Aro said. "He wouldn't want you sleeping like this. I'll stay. Come back tomorrow morning." He sipped on some coffee and nodded towards the door.

"Are you sure?" I said, my voice heavy with sleep.

"Yes. Get your butt out of here."

I took one last look at Charlie and nodded. I gave Aro a hug and dragged myself out to the parking lot. I walked mechanically to the Volvo and got in. As soon as I put the key in the ignition the seat beside me shot forward.

"How'd you get in here without a key?" I said, grabbing at my chest. He'd scared me half to death.

"There's an extra in the gas cap," Edward said, repositioning his seat and buckling his seat belt.

"Of course there is…" I muttered, turning the car on and pulling out of the parking lot. We didn't talk on the way home. There was no radio. The only sound was Edward's fingers tapping against the side of his door.

I pulled in and drove to his house, putting the car in park.

"Are you going to turn the car off?" He finally said, going to unbuckle his seatbelt.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm going somewhere."

"Where are you going?"

"None of your business."

His eyes narrowed at me.

"I'm not going to a party," I said, completely irritated.

"Well you can take the truck then…" He started to reach for the keys in the ignition.

"No I can't." I brushed his hand away. "You really think Charlie would keep the keys to his car around me. They're at the station while he's driving the cruiser. That's why I always have people pick me up."

He stared at me for a long moment before opening his door and getting out.

"Just so you know…this car means more to me than anyth….well most things in my life. So if you wreck it I'll hurt you after I make sure you're okay."

"Fine."

He closed his door and I peeled out of the driveway. I stopped and picked up my cell phone once I was far enough away.

"Hey, I'm sorry I know it's late but can I come over? I need to talk."

"Of course," Rosalie said. "I'm staying at the Cullen's."

"Okay I'll be there in a bit."

I drove faster than I should have, considering my father was just in a car accident and Edward would probably hurt me if I damaged his car, but I needed to get there. I tried to remember how Jessica got here the night of the party and was surprised when I found it with little difficulty considering it's in the middle of nowhere.

The lights were on in the living room and I saw her standing at the window waiting for me. I parked the car and walked up the steps. She met me at the door and walked past me to sit on the porch swing outside, a blanket wrapped around her. She patted the seat next to her and I went to join her.

"What's going on?" She said.

"Something…really bad just happened."

"Yeah we heard about your dad. Carlisle got a call from the hospital, but they said he was going to be okay right?"

"Yeah he's going to be fine. No it's actually about Edward."

"Is he okay?" Her eyes widened with panic and I realized how much she really did care for him. Which is why I felt she was the right one to talk to.

"Well yeah he's okay. I think he hates me though."

"Why would he hate you?"

"Because he was…he…he started to tell me that he loved me okay? And I stopped him and he freaked out."

"He said he loves you?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I know its crazy right?"

"No it's not crazy. I just…he hasn't even been on a date since Tanya broke up with him. Bella he wouldn't say anything he didn't mean."

"But it doesn't make sense Rosalie. How could he possibly love me?"

"How could he not?" She smiled and took my hand. "You know I thought you were a pain in the ass when I first met you, but you're an okay girl."

"But I'm stubborn. And broken. What if I'm damaged beyond repair and he can't deal with it?"

"He's dealt with a lot. I'm sure he can handle your issues."

"This isn't supposed to be like this Rose!" I started getting frustrated. "I'm not that girl. I don't do that."

"What? Fall in love? I don't think that's something you can control honey."

"I used to be able to. It was like I put this shield up and kept everyone at a safe distance. I was sick of getting hurt. Everyone who's said that word to me has been a huge disappointment, with the exception of my dad. How do I know he won't do that same thing?"

She smiled. "You don't. That's what love is. But knowing Edward, he isn't someone who half ass's anything. And if he really truly loves you, isn't he worth the risk?"

I didn't know it could be so simple and so complicated at the same time. In that moment I knew I was falling for him too, because the first word that flashed through my head when she asked that was "yes." He'd broken through the shield without me even knowing. I was still terrified. Trust issues like that don't just go away in an instant. But he was worth the risk.

I stood up, a pondering expression on my face, and started towards the car. "I…I have to go. Thanks Rose." I got in the car and drove home, a little slower this time. I knew where he'd be when I got back, there was no rush.

I pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. I paused before walking up to his door, wondering if he would even want me anymore.

I turned the doorknob and it stalled midway. He locked it.

"What a fucking creep," I sighed. I turned around and started walking towards the house. As I passed the car I had the urge to check the gas cap. I mean there probably wasn't one in there. Things like that don't happen to me. I'm not a lucky person. I held my breath as I tugged it open and bent down to look inside. Two keys were stuck along the rim. One was obviously a car key and the other looked like any regular old key. I took a chance and grabbed it, walking back to his door. I put it in the lock and turned. The lock clicked and I tried the handle again. It worked. I sighed and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. The house was completely dark, but I could see his form in the bed, lying on his side facing away from me. I crept quietly across the floor and crawled into bed next to him. I settled in and watched his breathing for a few moments.

"How'd you get in here without a key?" He said.

"There's an extra in the gas cap," I said softly, gauging whether or not he was still mad.

He slowly turned around to face me and I scooted myself closer.

"Promise me something?"

He didn't answer.

"Please don't ever let me down…" I said.

He sighed and slowly opened his arms to me. I smiled and nuzzled closer to him, burying my face in his chest.

"I promise."

**A/N: So you guys definitely responded to the review challenge, but I'm wondering if you could outdo yourselves? Who am I kidding I know you can, especially after that amazing chapter right? *wink wink***


	11. Surprise Visit

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! I love reading them : ) FYI...Edward gets to act a little bodyguardish in this chapter. Get excited. Or as secamimom said, "I think my heart was beating out of my chest for most of this chapter!" So yeah. Get excited.  
**

**Bella**

"Charlie you want anything else to eat?" I yelled into the living room. I stirred the soup around in the pan and grabbed a few bowls out of the cupboard.

"Yeah maybe some rolls or something?" He called.

I opened the refrigerator and pulled out a package of rolls. I turned the oven on and put them on the pan.

"Hey," Edward said, stepping quickly into the kitchen.

"Hey." I smiled. He'd been in town at the store getting some more groceries. It seemed like we ran through a lot more food now in the past few weeks that Charlie'd been home from work recovering from his accident. They hadn't made any arrests or even found any leads to who may have cut his brakes. Honestly I don't think they ever will unless someone confesses. It's been too long. "How are you doing?" He brushed his fingers up my arm.

"I'm fine. I'm just…exhausted." I sighed, running my fingers through my unwashed hair. I spent my entire day taking care of Charlie, from the moment I got up to the moment I laid my head down. I was usually passed out by the time Edward snuck into my room at night. I think he's even stayed at his place the last few nights. Plus it was a little hard for us to be together right now. Charlie was sleeping on the couch during the nights because it was too hard for him to get up and down the stairs with his cast on, so we had to resort to the window for the most part. Sometimes Edward refused and just crept passed Charlie, but it always made me nervous when he did that. He joked that he was too stealth to get caught and that Charlie's pain meds could have probably made him sleep through a tornado like a baby.

"Why don't you try and take a nap or something? I'll take care of him for awhile." He bent over and smelled the soup on the stove.

"No it's okay. If I do that I won't sleep later."

"I doubt that," he laughed. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head as the beeper for the rolls went off.

I pulled them out and set them on top of the oven. I grabbed a bowl and spooned some soup into it for Charlie. The rolls were still probably too hot, but I grabbed for one anyway and I regretted it. I pulled my hand away as soon as the hot pain hit me.

"Ouch," I said, shaking my hand.

"What'd you do now?" Edward rushed over.

"I burnt my finger on that damn roll."

"Let me see." He held out his hand and I showed him my poor finger with the bright red patch of skin in the middle. He led me over to the sink and turned on the cold water. The cool rush of relief flowed over and instantly calmed the burn. "Keep it there…" He turned around and opened the cupboard, probably looking for some burn cream. He returned with a tube of it and a bandage. He turned the water off and pulled my finger close to his mouth. He examined it a little more thoroughly and started lightly blowing on it. I became completely captivated by the movement of his lips and forgot all about the pain. He dabbed a little of the cream on it and ripped the bandage open with his mouth before wrapping it around my finger.

"There. Good as new." He smiled.

"Thank you." I smiled and reached up to kiss him, allowing my lips to linger a moment longer than usual.

"You're welcome. Good thing I'm trained for this kind of thing. I never know what's going to happen with you."

"Very funny." I tapped at the rolls, making sure they were cool enough before I grabbed on and set it on a plate. I picked up the plate and the bowl of soup and started for the living room.

Charlie was sprawled out on the couch, his leg propped up slightly in his dark blue cast. It was supposed to come off next week so everything should get a little easier when he's able to move around a bit better.

"Here you go." I set the food down on his tray and took his empty glass back to the kitchen. I plopped down on the stool and laid my head down on the counter. I could fall asleep right now I was that exhausted.

Edward came up behind me and placed his hand on my back. "Come take a walk with me…" He whispered.

"I can't leave Charlie." I shook my head.

"We'll only be gone a minute. Take him the phone and he'll be fine. He's not a kid." He nodded towards the door.

I hesitated and got up, starting towards the living room.

"Hey Dad do you mind if I step out for a few minutes to get some fresh air?" I said softly. His eyes were focused on the game on the television.

"Of course sweetie. Don't worry about me I'll be okay. Take a break." He waved me away.

"Okay I'll have my phone on me, so call if you need anything." I set the phone down on the edge of the couch.

"Yeah…" He said, never moving his eyes from the screen.

I nodded and with one more look headed for the door. Edward and I took our usual route, but at a slow, relaxed pace. As we disappeared into the forest Edward reached over and took my hand.

We walked silently towards the meadow, carefully stepping over roots and rocks blocking the path. I spotted the little opening of light up ahead and I knew we were getting close. Edward led me to the middle of the meadow, right beside a patch of the purple wildflowers and sat down on the ground, pulling me with him. He sighed and sprawled out, laying his arm behind his head.

"What's on your mind?" I said, laying down and resting my chin on his chest. He smiled and entwined his fingers with him.

"Well," he started cautiously. "We haven't really had a chance to…talk about what happened the night of the accident…" He looked up at me from under his eyelashes.

"Oh." He wanted to talk about how he almost dropped an L-bomb on me. "Okay."

"I'm sorry if I scared you, that wasn't my intention."

"No," I shook my head and looked down at our hands. "No I know you didn't mean to do that, it was me. All me."

"Look I know this makes things more complicated than we ever planned this to be. And I honestly never thought it would go in this direction, but it has. It is for me. And if you aren't feeling the same way then it's okay, I don't want to force you into anything, but…Bella I needed to tell you. And if you still need some time for…that word, then I'll wait. It's not something I need to hear if you aren't ready. And if you aren't ready for me to say that to you I'll keep my mouth shut." He smiled slightly.

"This is crazy," I sighed.

"What is?"

"Edward my experience with…love has been shitty at best. Every person who told me they loved me was lying and ended up hurting me. So when you started saying those things it was like this….warning flag popping up my head saying "Run Bella, he's going to end up hurting you." I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed it. "And it's not that I would think you would do that, because I don't. But it's just terrifying when you've been let down so many times by the people who supposedly loved you. It's hard to let people in that deep, you know?"

He nodded.

"But um…I'm willing to be open to the possibility. It's the best I can do right now and I'm sorry if that isn't enough for you. I mean I really hope it is because I don't want to lose you, but I just…"

"It's enough," he smiled. "So right now we're….in like?"

"In lots of like," I pulled myself up to kiss him.

"You make me really happy you know that?" He said as I nuzzled into his neck.

"Even when I'm being a pain in the ass?"

"Yes. Even when you're being a pain in the ass."

I felt…warm. All over. Just this incredible happiness. I didn't know if it was the sun or Edward or if I was getting a fucking fever but it was amazing. I held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe it was the flames from my walls burning down and letting Edward into the place I kept most guarded.

My phone started ringing in my back pocket, ripping me away from this euphoric place and bringing me back into reality.

"Dad. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I don't know where you scooted to, but we have some visitors so could you come back up to the house please."

"Sure."

"Have you seen Edward? I might need some help with preparing the guest room."

"I…haven't seen him Dad. Who's staying?"

"Just come up to the house okay?"

I hung up the phone and jumped up, pulling Edward with me. I guess we should head back anyway; it was starting to get dark. We started back towards the house, hand in hand only until we emerged from the tree line. I dropped Edward off at his house, telling him to wait a few minutes before coming up to the house. We didn't want to look suspicious.

I was still smiling as I rounded the corner to the front of the house but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the familiar station wagon in the front. I clenched my eyes tight as my hands balled into fists at my sides. I opened my eyes again, hoping that the car would be gone, but there it was.

"No, no, no…" I whispered to myself. All the happy feelings coursing through my body were destroyed in an instant, replaced with absolute fear. I turned around, ready to run to Edward and tell him we were leaving right now, but a voice stopped me. Paralyzed me with so much dread that I couldn't move.

"Is that my Bella?" Phil said, trotting down the stairs and into the driveway. He opened his arms and came towards me.

"Don't touch me," I said, shuddering away from him.

"Baby girl!" Renee came running down towards me and I couldn't avoid her scooping me into her arms. Charlie stood in the doorway leaning on his crutches for support with a large smile on his face. He had no idea what these people did to me. It would kill him.

"Come inside honey," Renee pulled me towards the house as Phil got some bags from their car. They were staying here. In the guest bedroom. Right next to mine. I'd be so close he wouldn't even have to put in the effort. I could feel the tears started to well up in my eyes as we entered the house. "Look at that, she's crying she's so excited to see us!" She leaned down and kissed my cheek and I could feel the vomit rising in my throat.

"You two will be in the bedroom right next to Bella's. I would offer to help you take your stuff up there but you can see I'm a little incapacitated right now." Charlie nodded up to the second floor. Phil and Renee grabbed their bags and started up.

"Nice surprise huh?" Charlie smiled and hobbled back to the couch. I escaped to the kitchen for some breathing room.

I instantly grabbed for Charlie's stash of whiskey, not even caring that he was in the next room. I took a glass from the sink and spun the top of the bottle open. I was just about to pour myself a big, tall glass when Edward walked in.

"Whoa whoa!" He ran over and grabbed the bottle and my glass away. "What are we celebrating?" He joked.

I grabbed at the counter and collapsed into the chair, burying my head into my hands.

"Okay that was not a celebratory drink. What's wrong?" He whispered, leaning down beside me.

"Th-they're here…" I said slowly, barely able to get the words out.

"Who?"

"Renee and Phil."

His face turned hard as he registered what I'd just said. I heard the cracking of the glass right before it shattered in his hands. He didn't flinch as he turned around and grabbed another glass out of the cupboard. He poured the glass half full of whiskey and set it in front of me before bending down to pick up the fragments of glass on the floor. I downed it and set it back down.

"Bella you have to tell him…" Edward said, not taking his eyes off the floor.

"I can't."

"Why not? You told me."

"That's completely different Edward and you know it. You're the first person I've ever told about that. I couldn't do that to him."

"Him?" He stood up and threw the glass shards in the trash. "This isn't about him or me or that coward Phil…It's about you. And Charlie needs to know."

"I just can't Edward."

I knew he didn't understand, but I knew nobody ever would. This was my problem to deal with. And I thought I could run away with it, but I couldn't. This is exactly why I don't believe in happily ever after. It doesn't exist. Your demons always catch up with you in the end. I poured myself another whiskey and tipped it back.

My breath hitched in my throat when I heard the footsteps on the stairs. Phil and Renee skipped into the kitchen like they were the fucking Cleavers.

"So you must be Edward?" Renee said. "Charlie's told us so much about you."

Edward offered an unenthusiastic smile to her.

"Edward. I'm Phil. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand to him. Edward glanced down at it and back up at Phil with the coldest expression I've ever seen on Edward's face. It was almost like it wasn't him. "Okay…" Phil laughed nervously and stuck his hand in his pockets. "Lovely house you have here Charlie." He started back into the living room to join Charlie.

"So sweetie…" Renee started. "Have you missed your ole' Mom?" I tensed up as she put her arm around my shoulder. Edward made the slightest move towards me, ready to defend me if I needed it.

"You are not my mother." I pushed her arm away and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. I stomped up the stairs and slammed the door. I could tell Edward wanted to follow me, but we both knew he couldn't. And even if he could he wouldn't be able to bring me through this right now. I was alone. I could feel myself sinking back to that place I was before. Numb. Unfeeling. It was an unforgiving black hole that sucked every bit of happiness you've ever felt away.

I locked the door, knowing the only person I wanted to see right now wouldn't be coming through it. I heard someone come up the stairs a few moments later and linger outside my door. I knew it was Edward before I could even hear him speak.

"Bella?"

I didn't answer. He sighed and went into the guest bedroom, probably on Charlie's orders to make sure it was acceptable for his guests.

I laid myself down on the bed and took a swig out of the whiskey bottle. I could hear their laughter as it echoed up the stairs. It was disgusting. An hour later I was more drunk than I'd been in awhile, my tolerance way below its usual threshold. I set the bottle beside my bed and stumbled to my window to escape the intense heat radiating from my body. I opened the window and felt the cool breeze brush across my skin. But I wanted more. Or less. I couldn't decide. I took a clumsy step outside the window and planted an unsteady foot on the roof. My face and limbs were numb from the alcohol and I couldn't tell if I liked it or not. I'd forgotten how good this feeling was at erasing all the bad stuff.

I stepped closer to the edge and sniffled, barely feeling the warm tears falling from my eyes. My toes were off the edge, my foot only halfway on sturdy ground. I rocked back and forth, letting the wind rush through my hair. It brought a whole new meaning to living on the edge. I felt like it perfectly described my life. I was always teetering on the edge between solid ground and falling off the edge, completely losing it all. I could feel myself wobbling a little and screamed a little as I started falling forward. For one split second I thought I was going to go over and the worst part was that I didn't even care.

I fell back onto the roof, loud sobs escaping my lips. I crawled back to the window and inside, rushing over to my secret drawer. I desperately reached inside and found my lighter, but my bag was empty. There was nothing left. I lay down on my bed and flicked the lighter on and off, watching the flame burst and disappear. Kind of reminiscent of my life right now. I leaned over and lit the candle beside my bed. I rested my head on my pillow, facing the nightstand, completely captivated by the colors of the flame. It was so beautiful.

I slowly reached out and ran my finger over it. I felt nothing. I did it again, only slower. Still nothing. The next time I left it there for a few seconds, only barely feeling the burning. It was different from earlier. It wasn't the kind of pain that made you scream or pull away, it was a welcome pain. One that I didn't mind. It was almost like a game, seeing how long I could keep my finger in without feeling. Each time I kept it longer and longer. I was so far gone I didn't even see the blister starting to form on my skin.

Downstairs was quiet. It was just me and the silence.

I knew I didn't need it but I took a few sips of the whiskey and stared at the wall in front of me, the wall they were behind right now. And I started to feel. Pain. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. All over again.

"I hate you!" I stood up and launched the whiskey bottle at the wall. It crashed and splattered all over. I threw it so hard that I lost my footing and fell back onto my bed, clinging to the blanket and screaming into my bed.

I closed my mouth and turned towards my door when I heard the click of the door, like someone was trying to open it. I knew this was coming from the moment I saw Phil. He was coming for me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I only hoped I was numb enough right now not to feel it. I could never tell Edward. He would kill him. And then I'd lose him.

I held my breath as I felt the pop of the lock. The door inched open and a dark figure crept inside. I was ready to fight him off. I knew I wouldn't win, but he's crazy if he thinks I won't be fighting like hell the entire time.

I closed my eyes and listened as the figure approached the bed. I put my arms out and they crushed against his chest, pushing him away. He pinned them to my sides and I started to cry.

"Bella stop it's me," Edward whispered. He glanced back at the door.

"Edward?" I stammered.

"Yeah. Relax." He leaned over and blew out the candle.

"What are you doing?"

"Coming to get you. You're staying with me tonight."

I nodded and started to get up, stumbling over my own feet. I started towards the door, weaving from side to side, unable to keep my feet straight.

"Whoa…." He said, grabbing hold of my waist to steady me. "How much have you had to drink Bella?"

"Not….enough," I whispered, still trying to walk forward.

"God Bella…" he sighed. He bent over and picked me up. He peeked his head out into the hallway to make sure no one was watching and quietly started down the stairs. I gripped onto his shirt and slowly allowed myself to drift into darkness.

**Edward**

I knew this was bad, but not this bad. It was a fucking disaster. After Bella disappeared up the stairs I had to physically hold onto the counter to stop myself from following her. I hope she understood that I wanted to, but there's no way I could without Charlie becoming suspicious.

Renee looked stunned for a minute but smiled slightly and joined Charlie and Phil in the living room.

"Edward?" Charlie called. "Can you come in here?"

I sighed and made my way to him, glancing up the stairs at her room as I passed.

"Can you go upstairs and make sure everything is in order in the guest bedroom? I normally wouldn't ask you this but the maid won't be here for a few days and I just want to make sure everything's okay for Renee and Phil." He smiled and nodded.

I turned and stomped lightly up the stairs, pausing at Bella's door. Could I go inside without them noticing? I didn't think I could take the chance. I leaned closer to her door and listened.

"Bella?" I whispered. She didn't answer but I could hear her moving around in there so I knew she was okay, at least for the time being. I stepped into the guest bedroom and checked the sheets and the closet to make sure it was all in order, not that I really gave a shit if they had a nice room to stay in. Charlie asked me to so I did it.

I sat down in the living room with them for a few minutes as they chatted. My hand rested against my forehead as I kept stealing glances at Phil. I was angry. So fucking angry with him. How dare he come here and smile like that after what he's done to her? I grabbed the cushion underneath me and clung to it so tight that my hand started hurting. I had to get out of here. I couldn't stay here with them anymore I was going to burst. But I didn't want to leave her. I decided right then that there was no way I was letting her stay in the house tonight with him. I would protect her from him. He was never going to touch her again. I excused myself and made my way back to my house, slyly looking up at her window. It was dark.

I called her as soon as the door closed. It rang a few times and went straight to voicemail I tried again. And again. Nothing. I took a shower and sat down in my chair, watching as the minutes creep by. Charlie was always asleep by 10:30 or so. It was almost eleven. They should all be asleep.

I silently crept back up to the house and opened the front door. I peeked my head inside and was relieved to hear Charlie's deep snoring coming from the living room. The rest of the house was completely dark. No noise anywhere.

I made my way up the stairs and tried her door. It didn't surprise me it was locked. She was terrified of him coming in. I bent down and pulled my tools out of my back pocket to start working on the lock. It didn't take more than a few moments for me to pop it open. I slowly opened the door and peered inside. There was a soft glow coming from a candle beside the bed and I could see her lying there. I couldn't tell if she was asleep or not, but she wasn't moving. I started towards her, arms outstretched and was surprised when she started pushing me away frantically.

"Bella stop it's me," I said, pinning her arms softly to her side.

I told her she was staying with me tonight and we started out of the room. She stumbled a little and I realized she'd probably been drinking the entire time she was up here. I leaned in and smelt it on her breath. There was no way she could make it down by herself. I swooped her up in my arms and stepped out into the hallway, closing her door behind us. I took us quietly down the stairs, peering towards Charlie every step just to make sure he was still asleep. Bella mumbled a little under her breath before she passed out on my chest.

My breath hitched in my throat as I heard a noise behind me. I glanced behind me and continued quickly down the stairs and around the corner into the kitchen. I hid us behind the wall, but peeked my head around to look up the stairs. A dark figure walked silently from the guest bedroom towards Bella's. He hesitated at the door before opening it and walking inside.

I sighed as he closed the door. I was just in time. I knew he was going to… I felt the tears form in my eyes as I tried not to think about what he wanted to do. I bent down and kissed her sleeping forehead before I quickly carried her across the foyer and out the door.

I hurried back to my house, half wondering what Phil was thinking now that he realized her room was empty. I knew he wouldn't say anything. He had no reason to be in her room.

Bella didn't wake as I laid her on my bed and covered her up. I brought the trashcan to her side of the bed just in case she got sick from the alcohol. I eventually crawled into bed next to her and snuggled close, but I didn't sleep. Not for one minute all night. Part of me was watching her, making sure she was okay. But mostly my mind was racing. I had no idea what to do about this situation with Phil. Of course I wanted to kick the shit out of him. Or tell Charlie. But I couldn't betray her trust like that. So I would just have to protect her as much as I could until they left, which I hoped was soon.

As much as I hated it, I knew I had to take Bella back when I saw the first streaks of the morning light. Charlie would be up soon, but I still wouldn't leave her alone in that house. She hadn't moved all night, but I watched her chest rise up and down. I scooped her up and took her back to the house. I placed her back in her bed and went down to the kitchen to start the coffee and hang around until Charlie was up.

I heard some movement in the living room just as the coffee shut off so I took a cup to Charlie. He sat up on the couch and rubbed at his eyes as I handed it to him.

"We should probably get going soon…" He said.

"I'm sorry what?"

"You said you'd take me into the office today so I could start getting some things together for when I go back next week. But I have that meeting with the staff in a little over an hour."

"Oh….right." Shit. I'd forgotten all about that. "But Bella…"

"Well her mom and Phil are here to look after her. I'm sure she'll be fine."

If he only knew. And I was so close to telling him. A few more seconds and I would have told him everything. I stared off into the distance and took a sip of my coffee. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to leave her. But what other choice did I have? Maybe she could come with us?

"Actually Bella was saying she wanted to do some shopping, maybe she should just ride along with us and I'll take her after," I suggested, trying to sound casual.

"Nah. Let her sleep. And plus I'm sure she'd love to spend some time with her mother."

I sighed, not knowing what else to do without looking over protective, which I definitely was. Especially after what happened last night. I got up and set my cup in the kitchen, trying to figure out what I was going to do. I mean I'd only be gone for an hour or so, but I just had a bad feeling.

Someone started slowly down the stairs and from the moaning and mumbling I assumed it was Bella. I poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her as she walked in the kitchen.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi." She slowly pulled herself up on the counter beside me.

"We have a problem."

"What is it?" Her eyes widened.

"I have to take Charlie into work."

"Oh…" Her face drained of any color and she stared blankly ahead. "Edward I can't be alone with him."

"I know. I tried to convince Charlie to let you come with us but…"

She jumped down off the counter before I could finish and stormed into the living room.

"Why can't I come with you?" She asked.

"Bella your mother is here. You should spend time with her, you don't get to see her that often."

"Yeah that's kind of the point!" Bella said, a little angrier.

"Hey!" Charlie scolded. "Now you're staying here. End of discussion."

"Charlie…" I started.

"I don't want to hear another word about it Edward. Now please go get ready and pull the car around. I'll be ready to go soon." Charlie hobbled up.

I waited until he disappeared into his office to say anything to Bella.

"Listen to me." I whispered. "As much as I know you'll hate this I want you to stay with your mother at all times. And keep your phone with you. Text me every ten minutes to check in and I'll call you when I'm on my way home."

She looked terrified but she nodded her head. I glanced at Charlie's door before I placed a soft kiss on her cheek. I backed away as Charlie emerged from his office. Renee and Phil started down the stairs and I didn't miss the long stare Phil gave Bella.

"Okay Edward I'm ready to go." Charlie started towards the door.

I gave Bella one last look and turned away. I had to practically force my feet to move because leaving her was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

I was nervous the entire way. I was compulsively checking my phone every few minutes and Bella was always right on time. She'd say something like "watching television with mom" or "wishing you were here with me." I dropped Charlie off and with a short goodbye I was off again. I reached for my phone as soon as I was out of sight and was relieved when she answered the phone.

"Bella?"

"When will you be back?"

"Less than an hour I promise."

"Okay."

"Is everything going alright?"

"Yeah I guess. We're all just watching television."

"Is he there?"

"Yes," she said meekly. My fingers clenched around the steering wheel.

"Isabella?" I heard Renee in the background. "Where are you going?"

"The kitchen. This is a private conversation."

I waited the few seconds while she walked into the kitchen and we talked pretty much the entire way back. I felt a huge rush of relief when I pulled into the driveway. I was just talking away about anything, just to keep her busy. But then she stopped talking.

"Bella?"

"Beautiful Bella…" Phil said in the background.

"Edward!" Bella gasped.

I dropped my phone and gunned it down the rest of the driveway, squealing my tires the entire way. I put it in park right outside the house and flew out, leaving it running and the door open as I rushed inside.

"No, no, no!" Bella screamed. "Please stop!"

I ran into the kitchen and saw them. Phil had her cornered against the counter, so close to her that it made me sick. His finger was brushing against her shoulder. Bella's face was streaming with tears as she pushed against him. I rushed over and grabbed him by his shoulders, flinging him to the ground behind us.

"Are you okay?" I stepped close to Bella and took her face in my hands.

She nodded, still crying and I turned towards Phil. He started to get up, holding onto the counter for support.

"What is wrong with you man? She had something on her shirt."

"Really? Is that something for her to cry about?" I took a step forward, my fists clenching at my sides.

"Whoa. Take it easy." He started talking faster as I got closer. He backed himself up against the refrigerator.

"Listen bud. This is the first time…something like this has happened. She's a beautiful girl you know?" He laughed. He was actually trying to make a joke about this. Trying to brush it off. I'll be damned if I let him do that.

"You're such a fucking liar!" Bella stomped forward and kneed him right in the groin. He hunched forward in pain, grabbing at his injury.

"You're going to pay for that you little bitch…" Phil whispered under his breath.

I huffed and shot my fist forward, connecting perfectly with his face.

"Phil!" Renee rushed into the room. "What's going on?" She bent down to tend to her husband. There was a gash across his cheek where I'd hit him. "Who the hell do you think you are?" She said to me.

"Apparently I'm the only one in this house right now that cares about your daughter! Because you're blind to what he's been doing to her!" My shoulders heaved as I tried to calm myself. "You both! In the living room!" I pointed out of the kitchen. Phil stood up and Renee helped him out to the living room. Bella and I followed. They sat on the couch and Bella sat in the chair across the room. I paced behind her, unable to calm down enough to sit. I reached for my phone and dialed Charlie's number.

"Hey Charlie."

"Edward? Is everything okay?"

"Actually no. I don't want to worry you and I know you're in a meeting. But we need you at the house right now. It's important."

"Alright I'll get Aro to drive me." He hung up the phone and we just waited. No speaking. I looked over at Phil a few times. He was glaring in my direction but I didn't give a flying fuck. Bella had finally stopped crying and was looking absentmindedly out the window. A cruiser eventually pulled up in the front and Charlie made his way up to the house.

"What the hell is going on?" He said when he saw Phil.

"What's going on?" Renee started. "Your so called bodyguard attacked my husband."

"Edward is this true?" Charlie put his hands on his hips and turned towards me.

"Yes." I didn't want to lie. It was true.

"I can't believe this. I mean I don't understand. These are guests in my house and you…"

"Dad." Bella stood up. "I need to talk to you." She wiped at her nose.

"I'm a little busy right now. Can it wait?"

"No," she said adamantly. "It can't." She fidgeted nervously with her hands.

"Well alright."

They disappeared into his office for the most awkward twenty minutes of my life. I eventually sat down in the chair Bella had vacated to wait.

When they finally came back out Bella looked relieved. Charlie looked furious.

"Get out of my house!" He pointed towards the door. I sighed and started to get up, assuming he was talking to me. "Not you Edward. Phil, Renee, you are no longer welcome in my house. And if you ever come back here I will be pressing charges and will not have a problem allowing Edward to deal with you." I grinned widely at them and cracked my knuckles.

"But Charlie?" Renee protested.

"Get. Out." Renee started crying and rushed upstairs to get their things. She ushered Phil out and they were gone.

"Sir I'm really sorry about what happened. I know that was highly inappropriate but…" Charlie's arms abruptly caught me off as they wrapped me in large hug.

"Thank you Edward."

I was in shock but I gave him a half assed hug back and nodded. "Sure thing."

"I uh…" he stepped back. "I have a few calls to make." He nodded and stepped back into his office, closing the door behind him.

"What did you say to him?" I asked Bella.

"I told him. Everything." She sighed and smiled.

"You did?"

She nodded and I could see the change in her already. She'd just done what she thought was impossible and it was already changing her life. I closed the gap between us and took her in my arms, not caring that Charlie was here.

"I'm so proud of you baby," I whispered into her ear.

She planted a kiss on my neck and I started to feel like we were on our way to okay. Redemption. Life. Love. It was so close I could almost taste it. And it was the sweetest taste in the world.

**A/N: Leave me a review...and IIIIIIIIIII eeee IIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuu *cue The Bodyguard reference***


	12. Explanations

**A/N: Saying my life has been a shitstorm of busy right now would be an understatement. So sorry for the lack of update in the past few days, but I'm starting to get into the school routine again so it might not happen every day or every other day. But rest assured I won't keep you waiting too long. **

**Bella**

"Dad. I need to talk to you." He needed to know that Edward was just protecting me. And I was ready to tell him why. It wasn't some kind of long drawn out process. There were no goals. No twelve-step program. No indications of progress. It was just a sudden realization that I was ready. And I guess now was as better time as any for it.

"I'm a little busy right now. Can't it wait?"

"No. It can't." It would be too late by then. He needed to know now.

We stepped into his office and I rounded the desk and sat down in his chair. He waited by the door while I spun around slowly, twirling a piece of hair between my fingers.

"Well what is it Bells? And don't try to defend Edward. This is unacceptable."

"Dad when I was thirteen Phil started…coming into my room at night."

"What?" He made his way towards the desk and sat down on the edge. He leaned in closer to me and brushed his hand through my hair. "Bella are you trying to tell me he…" He gulped hard and I could see the tears starting to glisten in his eyes.

"No. He didn't do that. But only because I refused to let it get that far."

"That's why you started sneaking out…" he said slowly, an expression of understanding spreading across his face. "Why didn't you call me baby?"

My own tears started slipping down my cheeks as I spun away from him. "I was scared. Embarrassed. Stubborn. You know me, I just wanted to deal with it by myself." I couldn't look at him. All those feelings were still relevant and it was just as hard to tell him now as it would have been back then. But I'm a different person than I was back then. You can't avoid something just because it's hard. Especially something this life changing.

Charlie grabbed onto my chair and spun me back around. "What about your mother?"

"I think she knew. About two years after it started she just got really…angry. About everything. Any little thing would set her off, especially anything I did. I think she almost blamed me in part for it more than she did Phil."

"I can't…I just….How could she possibly allow this to happen?"

I shrugged my shoulders and wiped my tears away.

"And Edward?" He asked.

"Dad I know this is probably weird. But Edward and I are close. He's like my best friend. He's the first person I told about this and he was just trying to protect me."

"So he knew?"

"Yes. That's why he wanted me to come with you guys earlier. He didn't want to leave me alone with them."

"God Bella," Charlie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I just wish I would have known. I could have stopped it."

"Don't blame yourself. Please. That's the last thing I want."

I could tell he was getting angry because he was unusually silent, even for him. He stood up quickly and hobbled to the door, whipping it open.

"Get out of my house!" He yelled, pointing towards the door.

I sighed when Renee started getting overly dramatic, crying and begging. It was almost pathetic. I crossed my arms and watched as she climbed up the stairs all hysterical to grab their bags. Phil sat on the couch the entire time she was up there rubbing at his cheek. I would give anything to be able to get another punch in. Maybe a slap. Or a castration. But as far as I was concerned I just wanted him out of my life. Both of them.

I almost smiled as they walked out the door and turned towards Edward, almost afraid of what Charlie was going to say next. Sure he understood why Edward protected me, but was he still mad at him? My jaw nearly dropped when Charlie did the last thing I ever would have expected him to; he hugged him.

After the shock wore off I started to think that maybe this thing with me and Edward could work. Like really, really work. Charlie obviously liked him and appreciated him. And he was our biggest obstacle right?

As soon as Charlie was out of sight I smiled modestly at Edward.

"What did you say to him?" he said.

"I told him. Everything."

"You did?" His eyes widened with his smile and I couldn't help but almost laugh. He rushed over to me and wrapped his arms around me. It felt good. Comforting. Perfect. "I'm so proud of you baby," he whispered. I smiled and nuzzled into his chest. He was proud of me. I'd done something to be proud of. I was worthy of something.

We made sure to separate long before Charlie came out of his office to announce he'd cancelled his meeting for the day. He was distraught, almost every line and wrinkle on his face visible from across the room. He gave Edward a slight nod and turned back around, going straight back into his office. I knew he'd need some time to deal with this. My dad was like me in that way. We deal with things on our own. But thankfully I was starting to realize it didn't have to be that way. I slowly walked over to his door and listened. He was muttering slightly to himself, which was normal when he was upset. I knocked on his door and waited.

"Dad?"

"Yeah," he answered softly.

"Are you going to be okay?" I bit down on my lip and shrugged my shoulders at Edward. I wasn't used to being in this spot. The comforter. Mostly it was people trying to be one for me. I didn't really know how to do it.

"Yep." His response was short and to the point, which is what I expected. But I still wished that I could do more.

Edward nodded towards the kitchen and started that way. I followed him and grabbed a water out of the fridge. I was kind of exhausted. This was one of the most emotionally trying days of my life and it wasn't even over yet. I was wound so tight right now I needed some kind of release or I was going to snap. I sighed and took a sip before pulling myself up onto the counter. Edward surprised me when he pulled himself up beside me and placed his hand on my thigh.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah. I just…I need a distraction or something…" I shook my head.

He smiled and leaned close, his eyes shifting to mine before he slowly pressed his lips to mine. I whimpered a little into him as his tongue pressed against my lips, willing them open. I reached up and grasped onto his shirt, pulling him closer. He laughed against my lips and delved his tongue deeper into my mouth, running it along my teeth. My fingers fell loose against his shirt and slowly fell down, no longer able to hold on. It was like I had no control over my body.

My mouth froze when his hand started drifting up my thigh, brushing briefly across the zipper and seam of my jeans.

"Oh God…" I whispered, closing my eyes tight. I started to pull away but his teeth grabbed onto my bottom lip and kept me close to him. I slowly opened my eyes and saw his own emeralds staring back at mine. "What was that?" I moaned.

"A distraction."

I straightened up as I heard Charlie's office door open.

"I may need some more distraction tonight." I smiled. "I'm going for a run."

"Do you want me to come?"

"Ummm…no. Actually I think I want to go alone. Clear my head you know."

He nodded in understanding just before Charlie came in.

"Bells," he smiled. He stopped and kissed my forehead before hobbling over to the coffee pot, muttering profanities on his way over. He hated that damn cast. I knew he couldn't wait to get it off next week.

I ran upstairs and changed my clothes. When I came back downstairs Edward and Charlie were sitting on the couch watching some sports show on ESPN.

"I'll be back," I said.

"Bells do you really think you should be out there alone?" Charlie said.

"It's okay Charlie," Edward said. "I locked the gate after they left and ran out and looked around while Bella was changing. Everything looked secure."

"Okay well….I know you hate it but please can you take the pepper spray?"

"Dad…." I whined.

"Please. For me." I saw the utter concern in his eyes and I couldn't blame him after today's revelations, so I didn't argue anymore. I opened the top drawer of the foyer desk and pulled out the little orange tube. My dad used to make me carry it around whenever I went to a school event. Said he didn't trust those "hellions," as he called them. Good thing he didn't know I was usually the one propositioning them behind the bleachers.

I put my IPod in and started out, jogging towards the backyard and out into the trees. I guess I just wanted to disappear for a while. I hoped I didn't hurt Edward's feelings by asking him not to come. But honestly I just wanted to be alone right now. Truly alone. I thought maybe it would help me wind down, but once I got started I almost wished he was here now.

Once I was alone with my own thoughts, I didn't want to be. I thought that today was a huge step for me. I stood up to Phil and told my father. Big thing right? And it was. I wasn't trying to be humble. Today was monumental for me and I thought that this feeling would go away. But now that the adrenaline was starting to wear off I realized it was still there. Like a part of me was still missing. There was still that hole in my heart and I knew exactly why. I started running faster, trying to escape it all. But no matter what anyone says, you can't run away from your past. And my mother was in my past. I hated her. And I missed her. And I hated missing her.

I never wanted to see that version of my mother again. Ever. Maybe someday she'd be the person that she used to be, but not while she was with that disgusting human being. And even then I didn't know if I could forgive her. Even though I wanted to. What she did was unforgivable and maybe I was being selfish, but I think I deserved better than that.

I turned and started back to the house, realizing that I wasn't content being alone with all these thoughts running through my head. I needed Edward. And that was hard to admit. I didn't like needing anyone. But I was slowly realizing that he was becoming my new security blanket. Sure I probably wasn't ever going to totally give up alcohol or even weed altogether. But I didn't need them as much as I needed him now. And honestly that wasn't something I was too proud of either. Not that I didn't care for Edward, that wasn't the problem. But I don't want to be dependent on anyone but myself. I want to be with Edward just because I want him, not because I need to be. Not a lifeline, but a perfect compliment. I wasn't there yet, but I hoped someday I could be.

I slowed as I reached the house, putting my hands on my hips as I walked towards the front door.

"Bella!" Someone cried from behind me.

I looked around but didn't see anyone.

"Bella!" The voice cried again. Then I saw her.

My mother was all the way down the driveway, standing at the gate. I could barely make out her form from that far away. It looked like she was gripping onto the bars. I ignored her and turned back towards the house.

"Bella please!" She screamed.

I sighed and turned back to her. I took my time walking down there, I didn't owe her anything. She could wait.

"What do you want?" I said, stopping far enough away. Her cheeks were tear-stained, her makeup running down her face. I winced when I saw the large gash on her lip. It was busted open.

"I left Phil."

"I don't care what you do Renee."

"But…you're my daughter. I have nowhere else to go…" She cried, clinging to the gate.

"Too fucking bad…" I turned away and started towards the house. How dare she say that to me? Fucking bitch.

"Hey how was your run?" Charlie called as I entered the house. They were both still sitting on the couch, just as I left them.

I didn't say a word as I started up the stairs.

"Uh oh…" Charlie said.

"I'll get it," Edward said.

I slammed the door right as he started up the stairs and collapsed onto my bed. I grabbed the nearest magazine and started frantically flipping through it, not reading a single word.

"Bella?" Edward knocked on my door before coming in. He closed the door behind him and cautiously sat down beside me. "What happened?" He placed his hand on the small of my back.

"She's here," I spat.

"Who?"

"Renee."

"What? Is Phil with her?"

"No. She's just sitting at the end of the driveway like a pathetic lost puppy."

He started rubbing my back. I sighed and threw the magazine down on the ground.

"She said she left Phil…" I said, staring at the wall. I anxiously played with the hem of my blanket. "She said she has nowhere to stay."

"So what do you think?"

Did he actually think I would consider letting her stay here? Who's side was he on anyway? I spun around and glared at him.

"What do I think? I think that she ignored me for almost five years of my life. I think that she's a lame excuse for a mother. I think that she deserves to rot in Hell alongside that son of a bitch who hurt me. And most of all I think I'm done having this conversation." I turned back around, facing away from him. His hand disappeared from my back. "You can go now…"

**Edward**

I sighed and stood up from her bed, giving her one last look before I left.

"What's her deal?" Charlie asked I came down the stairs.

"Apparently Renee is out at the gate."

His eyes narrowed and he ran…or wobbled as fast as he could towards the window.

"Is he with her?" He asked.

"No. She told Bella she left him."

"Edward please escort her off the property." He reached in his back pocket and handed me a wad of cash. "Call her a cab, whatever. I just want her gone."

I nodded and took the cash. I could see her figure as soon as I stepped out onto the porch. I'm sure I was the last person she wanted to see right now, but I didn't give a damn. I don't want her here anymore than Charlie does, or than Bella does. Of course if Bella wanted her then I would accept that. She is her mother. But I refuse to let her taint Bella's life right now if that's her plan. It's not happening. Bella has enough to deal with and she's finally starting to get her life straight.

I walked slowly down the driveway, pulling out my phone along the way to call the cab company.

"Forks Cab, can you hold?" The operator said.

"Yeah sure." I kicked my feet along the pavement as I approached the end. Honestly I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to hear her crying. Or see her face. Because I knew it would hurt me even though I didn't think she deserved a second chance with Bella.

I froze when I finally looked up and saw her battered face. My heart sank and almost every bit of anger I'd felt towards Renee vanished. I couldn't explain it, but this kind of raw….violence against her was devastating. This was Bella's mother. Sure I didn't really like her, but there's no way I would ever wish this kind of thing on her.

"What can I do for you sir?" The operator said.

"Nevermind…" I kept my eyes on Renee and hung up. "Did he do this to you?" I bent down and reached my fingers through the gate, brushing them against her bruises.

She nodded and looked down at the ground. I watched her as her eyes darted from one spot to the next, but unseeing. I sat down on the ground and pulled my arm back through.

"Thank you…" she said softly.

"For what?"

"Protecting my daughter."

I leaned back against the gate and sighed. "Renee I shouldn't have to protect her from that. That kind of fear should not even exist for her. I mean do you understand the hell that you and that man put her through all these years, maybe for the rest of her life. Can you even comprehend?"

"I know. Edward, I'm not trying to make excuses." She sniffled and ran her arm under her nose. "But there are things you don't know. Things Bella doesn't even know and I just…I need her to."

"Do you really think that's there is any reason in this entire world that would justify this?"

"No."

I tapped my finger against my knees and watched her intently, trying to read where she was at. "Renee if you hurt her, you'll regret if for the rest of your life. Do you understand that?"

She nodded. I sighed and watched her for a few more moments before I stood up and pressed the tiny black button on the intercom. The gate slowly starting creaking open. Renee stood up, looking completely surprised at what I'd done. And honestly I was too.

"Why are you doing this Edward?"

"Because I care about Bella and I know she misses you. Even if she doesn't act like it." I started walking towards the house. "So don't fuck it up and don't for one second think any of this is for you."

She walked a few steps behind me the entire way back to the house, carrying her duffel bag and nothing else. I waited on the porch for her and took her duffel as we walked inside.

"Edward? What the hell is this?" Charlie said, glancing between me and Renee. "I told you to get her away from here."

"Charlie remember when you said you trusted my judgment?" I set the duffel down. "Trust me now."

He opened his mouth to talk several times before it snapped shut. "You," he pointed to Renee. "Don't speak to me. And you," he pointed to me. "Bella is going go apeshit on you. And I'm not going to do a damn thing to stop it."

"I realize that sir." I nodded and quickly carried Renee's bag upstairs, setting it in the extra bedroom. I came back downstairs and found Renee in the kitchen, searching for a glass.

"Top right," I said, opening the cupboard next to the refrigerator. I pulled out some antibiotic cream, some bandages and some Tylenol, while she poured herself a glass of water.

"Sit," I said, pointing to the chair. She did as I said and I started cleaning the gash on her face. "Here take these." I handed her the Tylenol and went back to cleaning her wound.

"You know you're good at this…" She said softly.

"Well in all honesty, your daughter has more accidents than a potty training two year old."

She laughed a little and sighed. "She gets that from me unfortunately." She fidgeted a little with her hands. "She's not going to talk to me is she?"

"Probably not. At least not right away. And I'm not going to force her okay? This is for her and I don't want to push her into anything. It's on her terms. Understood?"

She nodded.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Bella stomped into the room. I didn't even hear her come down the stairs.

"Hi baby…" Renee said.

Bella's eyes darted from me to Renee, taking in the situation. Seeing the hurt and absolute betrayal in her stare almost made me regret my decision, even though I knew it was right. She finally lingered on me for a moment, her lips trembling.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She stammered, barely above a whisper. She spun around and darted back up the stairs, slamming her door at the top. I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to figure out what I would say to her to get out of this clusterfuck of bad going on.

"Go on…" Renee nodded towards the stairs. I slowly started out the kitchen and up them. Charlie turned his head and glanced at me, casually shrugging his shoulders. He really meant it when he wasn't going to intervene. This was all on me.

"Bella?" I knocked on her door.

"Go away fuck wad!" She screamed.

I sighed and prayed for my life before I opened her door.

"Look I know…" I started, but was abruptly cut off by a dangerous looking shoe flying at my head. I ducked just in time and it hit the door with a thud. "Knock it off!" I screamed, standing back up.

"No!" She threw another shoe at me and I stormed over and grabbed hold of both of her arms.

"You can be mad at me all you want but stop throwing the fucking shoes at my head."

She was fuming. Her breaths were audible, coming short and hard out of her nose as her eyes flared with anger. I've never seen her this mad before.

"Why do you hate me so much?" She yelled.

"You know I don't hate you." I released her arms.

"Then why would you bring here? You know what she did to me. What he did to me. Why?!" She shook her head. I sighed and sat down on the bed, running my fingers through my hair.

"Because I think I know you better than you do. Because I know that you miss her. Because there's something about her that reminds me of you. Because I know about that gaping hole in your heart Bella and how she's the only one that can fill it. I could give every ounce of strength I have and it still wouldn't be enough to fill it." I stood up and walked over to her, taking her hand in mine. "And because I love you."

She broke free from my hands and walked over to the window. I could see the tears glistening on her cheeks as she tried to wipe them away. I made my way over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, a little surprised that she didn't pull away. I bent down and kissed her neck. "Just give her a chance baby. I know she doesn't deserve it but you do."

"Do I have to talk to her?" She sighed, tracing my fingers with hers.

"Not if you don't want to. I told her it was on your terms. She understands."

She stared out the window for a long time before saying another word. "Fine."

I let out a huge sigh of relief and backed away. "Okay. Thank you. I'm going go back downstairs, would you like to join us?" I said apprehensively.

She shrugged and started towards her door, whipping it open. Charlie and Renee were standing at the bottom of the steps, their mouths wide open.

"What?" I asked.

"Well we heard a lot of screaming…and some thuds...and then nothing," Renee stuttered.

"We were about to come up there Edward, I thought she'd killed you," Charlie sighed and leaned to one side on his crutches.

"Well she did throw a shoe at my head."

"Twice," Bella said. Charlie, Renee, and I let out a nervous laugh but Bella's face was cold as stone. She started down the stairs and brushed past Renee, not bothering to look at her.

The next few days were intense to say the least. Renee kept trying to make small talk with Bella, but she just wasn't having it. Meals were worse. I've never heard Charlie talk so much. I think he was just so nervous about the uncomfortable silence that he felt he had to fill it.

"Bella did you make this?" Renee said one night at dinner.

Bella nodded, pushing her food around on her plate.

"It's wonderful. You must be naturally talented because I know I didn't teach you anything like this…" She smiled and took another bite.

"Well you wouldn't have would you?" Bella glared up at her. "Because you haven't been around." She threw her fork down and left the room. I fought the urge to follow her and sat in the silent room for the rest of dinner. Renee picked up all the plates and started washing them in the sink.

"Thank you Renee…" Charlie said softly as he left the room. It was strange to see them interact with each other. You could see that the love was still there, but it was so overpowered by all this other shit that there was no way it could breathe. They were at least being civil with each other now. Sure Charlie still wasn't that happy about her being her, but he'd accepted it. He'd realized it would be good for Bella to have a relationship with her mother.

Renee was drastically different, even in these few short days. I didn't think it was possible for someone to show that much improvement in such a short time, but it was happening. It didn't make me feel any more sorry for her situation, because after all she'd put herself there. But it made me hopeful that this would work. And I wanted it to work so bad.

I made my way to the living room as Renee finished up the dishes. Bella was sitting on the couch reading a book, which was my first clue she was irritated. She wasn't exactly the "read a book for fun" type of girl. She must be avoiding something or be so desperate for something to do that she'd resort to it.

Charlie walked out of his office with his work clothes on. He'd gotten his cast of yesterday and was already biting at the bit to get back to work. It was his first night back and he was leaving an hour before he had to.

"Bye Bells." He kissed her on the top of her head and started towards the door. "Behave."

She waved him off as he left and I sat down on the couch beside her.

"What are you reading?" I said, pulling her legs up onto my lap.

"How to Kill Your Boyfriend and Get Away With It." She lowered the book and smiled sarcastically.

"Oh good."

I tensed up as Renee sauntered into the room and sat in the chair. Bella instantly pulled her feet from me just before she could see. Renee grabbed a magazine off the table and started flipping through it. Every now and then she'd glance at Bella. Bella would do the same. It was like this little game they were playing. I just wanted to yell at them to talk to each other already but I knew I'd done enough. I watched as Bella's eyes lingered a little longer on her mother and she finally closed her book.

"Why'd he hit you?" She said softly.

Renee's eyes lit up at the gesture and set her magazine in her lap.

"I told him I was leaving him." She sighed. "That I couldn't take it anymore. I was done acting like I was okay with what he did to you and what he did to me."

"To you?" Bella said. "What did he do to you?"

"Excuse me," I started to stand up, but Bella's hand pulled me back down. "Bella I think this is a private conversation." My eyes darted to Renee.

"No I'd like you to stay please." She nodded and turned back to her mother. "Go on." I couldn't tell if she was genuinely interested or was just putting on a show for me.

"He's…hit me before. A lot."

Bella winced, but straightened up before Renee could notice. "Why?"

"It started when I…" Renee's eyes glassed over and a tear slipped down her cheek. "When I found out what he was doing to you." A sob escaped her lips as she grasped onto the magazine in her lap. "I told him I was leaving him, taking you with me. And he…beat me. Knocked me unconscious."

"That day you said you fell down some stairs? That was him?" Bella asked. Renee nodded.

"I kept telling myself that we would leave, get away from it all. But he found out and threatened me. I told myself if I could just get you out it wouldn't matter what happened to me. And then he threatened what was most precious to me…" She looked directly at Bella. "And I was trapped. We were trapped baby."

"Trapped? You couldn't have called the police? Called Charlie? You know he would have helped us in a heartbeat!" Bella said, her voice growing a little louder.

"Bella you can't possibly understand what it's like…to hear someone say that they're going to kill your child." Renee sniffled. "I tried my best to protect you. Take the brunt of him so he couldn't get to you. I started doing things just to piss him off, hoping he'd be too exhausted to even deal with you. I think I'm the only mother who can say that she was happy her daughter started sneaking out at night." She wiped a tear from her eye. "And when Charlie called threatening to come take you away from me, I wanted it to happen. That's why I didn't fight it. I did it to save you Bella. I didn't want you to be in that situation anymore and if losing you is what it took for you to have a better life than I'd do it. I did it." Renee stood up and sat on the arm of the couch. "But I never stopped loving you." She reached out and tried to touch Bella's cheek, but she jerked away.

"But…that doesn't make up for all the time we lost Mom! It's a shitty excuse and it doesn't make it okay!" Bella screamed. "It doesn't take away all those days and nights I sat there wondering why you didn't want me, why you didn't protect me. This…" Bella sobbed. "This isn't enough! Don't you get that?" She buried her face in her hands and I reached out to comfort her, but Renee took Bella in her arms and gently rubbed her back as she cried.

"I know…"

"No you don't. You don't know Mom!" I was shocked to see Bella grasping onto Renee, even as she was yelling at her. I quietly excused myself to give them some privacy. I headed into the kitchen to pick out a snack. This shit was intense. Sure they're relationship wasn't peachy but this was a huge step. Watching them hug each other made me realize that I'd made the right choice in letting Renee come back here. This was going to be good for Bella eventually. It would heal her. It was already starting to.

I stayed in the kitchen for a while, munching on some chips. Both of their cries eventually quieted down so I peeked around the corner. They hadn't moved. Bella was still clinging to Renee. Renee's hand was still moving slowly up and down Bella's back.

"So how long?" Renee asked, so quiet I could barely hear. I started to turn back into the kitchen.

"How long what?" Bella said.

"How long have you been in love with Edward?"

I kept walking deeper into the kitchen, but kept listening.

"What do you…I'm not…."

"No?" Renee said. "My mistake."

"He just…he makes me feel better."

"Okay that's a start."

I couldn't believe that they were talking about me. Let alone talking in general without insults or yelling. It was like a Christmas miracle in the middle of August. I smiled as I put my bag of chips away and started towards the front door, exhausted from today. They still sat on the couch together, no longer embracing, but still close.

"You okay Bells?" I asked.

She smiled a little and glanced at Renee. "Yeah I'm okay. Just talking to my Mom."

I grinned and nodded my head as I disappeared out the door, hoping just this once that she wouldn't sneak into my room tonight. Tonight was their night. And it was shaping up to be a fan-fucking-tastic one.

**A/N: Please, please, please leave me a review. I'm beyond stressed and I think a little review therapy is the perfect cure. XOXO**


	13. Hurt

**A/N: You guys never cease to amaze me. I honestly thought you'd all be pissed that Edward brought Bella's mother in, but I'm so glad that for the most part you understood why Edward did it. : ) Also due to my amazing procrastination you have another chapter today! YAY. This chapter is especially for everyone who thought Phil got off easy.  
**

**Bella**

I woke up still on the couch the next morning. I'd somehow gotten a blanket wrapped around me and was stretched out across the entire length. My mother slept in the chair, completely sitting up, her head dropping slightly to the side. Definitely didn't look comfortable. She grabbed at her shoulders, hugging herself like she was trying to keep warm.

I sat up, pulling my legs towards me and rested my head on my knees as I watched her. I wouldn't lie, it pained me more than I liked to see her hurt like that. But that still didn't make me want to talk to her, or have a relationship with her, or even see her. I was furious with Edward. Absolutely livid when I first saw him with her. He knew how fucked up my life was because of her and he dared to voluntarily bring her into the house. But he was right. He knew me better than I knew myself. And there was a small part of me that was reaching out for my mother, even though the other part hated her. I realized that small part was never going to go away at least until I knew or tried with her. I wished that he could be the one to heal that part of me, but he just couldn't. It wasn't his space to fill.

I walked around angry as ever the first few days, mouthing off to any comment she'd make just because I could. And I knew it hurt her. I wanted to hurt her that way because that's how she hurt me. But I couldn't stop that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to know, but I had to know what happened to her. It was like a wound festering on the skin. I couldn't avoid it.

My mind was racing the entire time that she was telling me about what happened to her. And I shouldn't have believed her. There was no reason to. She could be lying. She could be exaggerating. But for some reason I knew she wasn't. She had gone through this whole personal Hell that I had no idea about.

It didn't make the pain go away. It didn't take away the anger. It barely even dulled the intense fire burning inside me. But I understood. It was almost like everything clicked. Her dramatic behavior, her bruises that she could always explain, her less than valiant fight to keep me with her. I wished things had turned out different and that we both could have gotten out together but it just didn't happen. She did what she did and she wasn't trying to use it to excuse what happened. But it sure did explain a lot.

We talked almost all night, about everything. She told me more about Phil and what happened after I left. He'd just gotten more aggressive and angry. And she cried almost every night because she missed me so much. I told her about my life since I'd moved here, the good and the bad. For some reason I wasn't ashamed to tell the bad stuff, not with her. She couldn't judge me or think less of me because she'd done things she wasn't proud of too. It was almost like a central meeting place for us.

I still wanted to hate her for what she did. Or for what she didn't do. But I couldn't. She made her decisions and I've made mine. I can sit around and resent her for the rest of my life or I can suck it up and try to have a relationship with her. And even though it was going to take a long time…an extremely long time, to get our relationship back, I started to realize that it wasn't broken beyond repair. It was fixable. Last night was just a sliver of our step but it was in the right direction. It was a good start. I had a feeling it'd take a long time for that burning anger for her to disappear completely, but I hoped it would because our night on the couch made me realize how much I really did miss her. It was in me all this time and I just didn't want to admit it. I was scared it would make me look weak or naive. But I'm not. It's not weak or naïve to want to have a relationship with your mother. To crave that closeness with that part of you, no matter what they've done to you. Everyone always says that a connection between a mother and child is special…unbreakable. I never believed it until now. She loved me. She wanted me. And even though I wasn't ready to fully accept or necessary believe it, it didn't make it any less true.

I got up from the couch and laid the blanket over Renee. I reached out and brushed my fingers across her battered face and I was suddenly aware of this intense anger for Phil, even more so than before. I felt this instinctive need to protect my mother from him. I knew that he wasn't here and that he wasn't going to hurt us anymore, but that didn't seem like enough. He'd stolen our lives from us, from both of us and now he's just walking away.

I slipped out of the house, vaguely conscious of my father's cruiser out front. I had to talk to Edward about this or I was going to snap. It was like every nerve in my body was ready to burst. I almost had to clench my fists as I walked because just thinking about Phil made me want to vomit or punch something.

His door was unlocked so I snuck inside. He was still asleep, lying on his stomach. His bare back barely caught the glint of the first rays of sun shining through the window and his arms were resting up on his pillow beside his head. He looked so peaceful, it calmed me down instantly just seeing him. I smiled and sauntered over to the bed, pulling the covers back and crawling inside. I scooted closer to him and examined his face as he slept. His arm slowly lifted and rested back down around my waist, pulling me closer.

"How was your talk with your mother?" He said sleepily, his eyes still closed.

"Surprisingly good."

"Hmm…" He snuggled closer to me and kissed the top of my head.

"I just can't shake this feeling…that Phil is getting off easy on this." I shook my head.

"Bella we won't let him hurt you again, Charlie will take care of it…" He whispered.

That wasn't really what I wanted to hear from him, but I wasn't angry. He just didn't understand and that was okay. I felt like I didn't have a chance to fight back against Phil. I was a coward in that kitchen. I should have done more to find out what was going on with my mother. I should have done more to stop it. All of it. I was certainly capable. And now I just had this unfulfilled feeling. Like I didn't get my payback. I know they say revenge is a stupid venture, but whoever "they" are didn't know shit about what that man put me through.

A few minutes later Edward's soft snoring filled the room and I knew he was asleep. I reached my finger out and traced down his face, realizing how I would feel if Phil had hurt him. It could have so easily turned out that way and I would have never been able to forgive myself. He had to know what he did. I wanted to know that he was never going to do that to anyone again.

I leaned over and kissed Edward on the cheek before crawling out of bed. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote Edward a note, setting it where his car keys used to be. I ran to the house and up the stairs, running straight to the extra bedroom. I grabbed my mother's purse and dumped it out on the floor. My hands raked over the endless papers, coins, and makeup looking for anything that would tell me where they were staying. I was just about to give up when I saw a hotel receipt peeking out from the bottom of the pile. The Highway Lodge. That wasn't too far from here. I ran down the stairs and out of the house, heading for Edward's car.

I sped down the driveway, hoping that I didn't wake him up. I needed at least a half hour on him before he caught up to me. And I knew he would.

It only took me ten minutes to get there and I had to come up with a way to figure out what room he was in. I parked right in front of the office and walked inside, the perfect image of calm.

"Excuse me?" I said to the old man at the desk.

"Yes. Can I help you?"

"I hope so," I smiled. "My step-father is visiting from out of town. I'm supposed to come visit him but I can't seem to remember what room he's in and his phone is turned off. I was wondering if you could tell me which room he was in?"

"Well miss we usually don't give out that information. I could try calling his room to see if it's okay?"

"Sure." That was perfect. Like that perv would pass up the chance for a visit from me. His mind would be so clouded that he wouldn't be able to think about why I was really here.

"And what's his name?"

"Phil Dwyer."

He turned around and picked up the phone, dialing a few numbers.

"Phil?" He said. "This is the front desk. Listen your step-daughter is here looking for you, is it alright if I give her your room number?" He nodded and hung up the phone. "He's in number 14 dear."

"Thank you so much." I turned and walked out, getting into the car and driving down until I saw 14 on the door. I parked and got out, running up to the door and knocking. Phil was quick to answer.

"Bella…" He opened the door for me and I stepped inside. The floor was littered with fast food bags and newspapers. Water bottles were all over the bedside table. I walked over to the desk along the back wall and ran my finger along its edge. "What are you doing here?"

"I just needed to see you."

He laughed darkly, misunderstanding the meaning of my words. I felt him come up behind me and press his body against mine. I clenched my teeth together, trying to hold onto this façade. "How did you know I was here?" He ran his finger down my spine and I shivered.

"It doesn't matter." I turned myself around to face him. His face was closer than I thought and I fought the urge to punch him right then.

"I knew you missed me." He smiled and placed his hands on my waist. I had to push down the vomit rising in my throat. This was harder than I thought it would be. I was on the verge of breaking down and becoming that fragile and weak person I was in the kitchen. It was sickening that he had that kind of power over me. I pushed through it and raised my hands to his shirt, grabbing into the hem. His eyes rolled back in his head as my fingers brushed against his bare skin. I pushed him back until his knees hit the bed and he collapsed onto it. I smiled and crawled on top of him, straddling his waist.

"What changed your mind?" He smirked, running his hands over my chest. "I've wanted this for so long Bella…" He closed his eyes and his breathing became ragged.

I leaned down close to his ear and smiled. "She told me everything you sick bastard…" I whispered. Phil's eyes opened wide with confusion an instant before I sat back and threw my fist into his face. I raised my hand to do it again but he grabbed it and threw me off the bed. I crashed into the corner of the desk, feeling the sharp pain in my head. I reached behind me and saw the blood when I pulled my hand back.

"You are really going to pay for that…" Phil said, touching at his face and standing up off the bed.

"What like my mother did? Have you ever beat on someone who actually has the nerve to fight back?" I stood up and got into my defensive pose, just like Edward had showed me. I tried to remember everything from boxing, but it was different. This wasn't practice. It was the real thing.

"Are you kidding me?" Phil laughed. "You really think you can beat me?" He took a step forward and clenched his fists at his sides.

I took another swing as he approached me, but I missed and he grabbed onto my hand, spinning me around. He pulled me close to his body and trapped me, securing his arm around my neck so hard that I could barely breathe. His other hand grasped at my shirt and I heard the sound of it ripping as my skin was exposed. As he bent down to my shoulder and I thought he was going to kiss me, but I cried out as his teeth dug into my skin.

I started wriggling around, trying to free myself. The lack of oxygen was starting to make me feel lightheaded and I knew I had to do something quick. I reached my arm out and thrust my elbow back as hard as it would go into his ribs. He instantly released me and cowered back in pain. I spun around and grabbed at my throat trying to regain my breath. As soon as he started to get back up I kicked him again in the ribs and then again in the stomach. I raised my leg again to kick but this time he grabbed my foot and pulled me down to the floor with him. I couldn't let him get on top of me. It would be over then. There's no way I could fight off his weight. I turned around and reached for the edge of the desk, trying to grab onto the leg so I could pull myself away from him. My fingers brushed briefly against wood, but I couldn't get a firm grasp on it. I kicked my free foot towards his face and he faltered for one instant. I was able to grab onto the leg of the desk just as he grabbed my leg again, pulling me and the desk back towards him. The glass vase sitting at the edge of the desk tumbled slowly to the floor and crashed into a million pieces. I knew I was losing and I started to panic. The tears came quickly and I did nothing to fight them. My fingers grasped for something…anything that could save me. A large shard of glass sat within reach from me. I quickly grabbed it and spun around slicing at him. I knew I'd hit him when he instantly released me and screamed. I could already see the blood spilling out onto the floor but I didn't know where it was coming from. I pulled my legs close to me and scrambled to get into the corner. I wrapped my arms around my knees and sniffled as I held onto the shard of glass. Phil sat up and grabbed onto the sheets from the bed to wrap around his sliced arm. He glared at me with so much hate that I almost cowered under it. I didn't know what I was going to do now, but I was alone and there was no way I was moving from this spot until someone pried me from it.

**Edward**

I didn't even realize I'd fallen back asleep until the sound of a car woke me again. Bella was no longer beside me, but I knew she hadn't been gone too long. The bed was still a little warm where she had been. I rolled over and got out of bed and slipped on a t-shirt, walking towards the front door. Maybe she just went to get ready for our run. I stretched as I reached the window, looking up towards hers. I didn't see any movement, maybe she was already waiting.

I opened the door, expecting to find her standing there stretching, but she wasn't there. And neither was my car. I spun back around to the table where I normally kept my keys. A small white piece of paper sat where they usually were. I picked it up and saw Bella's handwriting.

_Don't be mad. He has to pay for what he did. I'm sorry._

"Shit," I said as I dropped the note and sprinted out of the house. "Charlie!" I yelled as I entered the house. Renee jumped awake, nearly falling out of the chair she was sleeping in.

"Renee where were you and Phil staying?"

"Why?" She asked, still half asleep. "Where's Bella?" She looked around the room.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie appeared at the top of the stairs with his pajamas still on.

"My car is gone."

Charlie bolted down the stairs, understanding how serious those four words were.

"Oh God!" Renee cried. "She went after him!" She started to get up.

"Renee stay here!" Charlie said, motioning for her to sit down. "She'll be okay. We'll go get her. Where were you staying?"

"The Highway Lodge." Renee cried as she pulled the blanket up around her. I understand why Charlie didn't want her to come, but she was going to be a nervous wreck.

"Let's go," Charlie grabbed his coat and car keys and started out the door.

"I'll bring her back Renee, I promise," I said softly before I followed him.

Charlie sped out the driveway, sending gravel spraying behind us.

"Damnit Edward! How did she know where your keys were?" He slammed his fist down on the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry sir. This is my fault. They were sitting right on the table." I buried my head in my hands and felt a wave of overwhelming guilt hit me. I should have known something was off this morning. All those things she said. I should have known.

"All available units…" Charlie's police radio chimed. "We've got reports of a possible domestic disturbance at the Highway Lodge. People have reported loud bangs and screaming from room 14."

Charlie's foot pressed harder on the pedal as he grabbed the radio. "This is Swan. I'll be there shortly and call for backup as needed."

I tensed as I saw the sign for the lodge up the road. As he pulled into the parking lot I searched for my car. Charlie pulled up in front of the office but I ran as soon as I spotted it. I practically ran into the door, but it was locked. I put my shoulder into it and started ramming the door. It eventually started creaking underneath my weight and finally burst open.

"Edward wait for me!" Charlie yelled as he started running towards me.

I ran inside but was blinded my complete darkness. The only light was the small rectangle on the floor from outside. Charlie almost ran right into me and grabbed the flashlight from his waistband. He shined it across the room. It looked like a complete disaster. I could see the glass shards glistening on the floor…and blood. There was a lot of blood.

"Bella?" I called, taking a step further inside. A soft sniffling came from somewhere in the darkness. Charlie started scanning the area with his light. I jumped as soon as it passed a head of brown hair. She was huddled in the corner, blood dripping down the side of her face. Her shirt was ripped clean down the middle, exposing her bra and stomach. She had something in her hand but I couldn't tell what it was.

"Bella?" I took her face in my hands.

"We need a bus here! Stat!" Charlie said, rushing over to us.

"Baby?" Charlie shook her. "She's in shock."

Bella's eyes stared off into the darkness beside us.

Charlie spun around and searched with the light. Phil was lying by the bathroom in a pool of blood.

"Is he dead?" I whispered to Charlie. Even though I could care less if that fucker was dead or alive, I prayed he was alive for Bella's sake. I've killed people before. And whether or not you meant to or not it's something that stays with you. I didn't want that for her.

"Get her out of here," Charlie said to me, cautiously approaching Phil's body.

I scooped Bella up into my arms and carried her outside. A crowd of people had gathered outside. I set her down in the cruiser as we waited for the ambulance. I pulled my shirt over my head and covered her with it so she wasn't so exposed. I could see a few bruises developing on her ribs. I rubbed up and down her arms, trying to calm her. And then just like that, she snapped out of it.

"Did I kill him?" She asked softly.

"I don't think so sweetie. Where are you hurt?" I started looking her over more closely as she dropped whatever she was holding. The large piece of glass clanked against the hard concrete below me and I felt this deep aching in my chest for her. She must have been terrified.

"My head…" She said, wiping at the side of her face. "He threw me and I…I hit the corner of the desk."

"Okay don't touch it. The ambulance is on its way." I held her hand as she started to softly cry,

"Am I going to get in trouble?"

"No. I won't let that happen. Charlie won't let that happen okay?"

She nodded as the ambulance pulled up beside us.

"Okay what do we have here?" The EMT said as he approached.

"Um…" I blinked, still keeping my stare on Bella. "She's got a gash on her head. I don't know what else."

"Okay sir please step away for a minute so we can look at her." I backed away and watched as another stretcher went inside the room.

"Sweetheart were you choked?" The EMT said. My eyes shot back to Bella.

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"There's a lot of bruising around her neck."

"Did he Bella?" I asked.

She looked away, acting almost like she was ashamed. I spun around and started towards the room, my entire body full of rage. I've never felt so "at the edge" as I did right then. Charlie stopped me and pulled me back.

"He's not doing too well…"

"What?" I stopped fighting. "No."

"She didn't cause it Edward."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What happened?"

"Well it looks like she got a good beating in before…and I'm willing to bet that large slice on his cheek was from her." He glanced back towards the room. "There's an indication that Phil got up and was trying to go to the bathroom, there's a small blood trail and footprints leading that way. He must have tripped and fell. Landed wrong on a piece of glass."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Now I'll be here for a while, there's some other units on the way. But if Bella gets cleared to leave I want you to take her home. We may have to get a statement from her later, but we can do that at the house."

I nodded and headed back to Bella. They'd transferred her to the back of the ambulance and were working on her head.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked.

"Yeah she'll be just fine. Just finishing up taking care of her head and we're going to take her up to the hospital just to take a few x-rays to make sure."

"Alright I'll follow you up there." I turned and started towards my car. A second police officer I didn't recognize was interviewing an older man right next to it.

"Yeah that little girl came to the front desk asking for her step-father's room number. I wouldn't have given it to her if I knew that scum was going to do that to her." He gazed off at the room.

"Has Mr. Dwyer displayed any other suspicious behavior?"

"He's had a few different…ladies in his room the last few nights. Had a few complaints about noise."

"Okay well if you think of anything else please just let us know." The officer nodded and closed his notebook. I sighed and got in my car, reaching in the back for another shirt. The ambulance closed its back doors and started out the parking lot, me following close behind.

We weren't at the hospital long. They'd finished cleaning Bella's wound and given her all the tests they'd wanted and released her. We were silent most of the way.

"I didn't mean to kill him…" She said, staring out the window.

"Baby you didn't do it. It was an accident. And anything else you did to him was out of self defense…" I took her hand.

"No it wasn't." She turned and looked towards me. "I wanted to hurt him Edward."

I didn't say anything else because I honestly didn't know what to say. She definitely wasn't trying to lie her way out of this one or make excuses. She'd went there to beat the shit out of him.

Renee ran out to meet us as soon as we pulled in and wrapped her arms around Bella as she cried. We all went inside and waited for Charlie to get back. There wasn't really anything else to do but wait.

Renee made Bella some tea and sat down on the couch beside her. I sat in the chair looking outside, waiting for any kind of signal that Charlie was coming.

"This is my fault Bella," Renee cried softly. "I shouldn't have told you all those things, I didn't know…"

"Mom it's not your fault. I did this."

Headlights poured through the window as Charlie's cruiser pulled up. He was followed by another. He came inside with the officer I hadn't recognized earlier.

"He's going to live…" Charlie said. I glanced at Bella but her expression didn't change.

"Now Bella," the other officer said. "I've taken a few statements and from what it seems like you were acting out of self defense so I just wanted to corroborate that."

"Okay," Bella said, her voice shaky.

"Now we have down here that you went to Mr. Dwyer's room to collect a few belongings of your mothers."

Charlie put his hands on his hips and cleared his throat.

"Y-yes…" Bella whispered.

"Okay and Mr. Dwyer hurt you?"

"Yes," she said adamantly. That was the plain, hard truth.

"Alright. We'll call you if we have any more questions. Thanks Charlie." The officer patted Charlie on the shoulder and left.

"I don't understand Dad. Who would say…?"

"Phil did."

"What? Why would he?"

Charlie started towards his office. "Because I told him back in that hotel room that if he didn't I'd ruin his life more than jail ever could." He walked past us and into his office. I didn't realize until then how far Charlie would really go for Bella. And I finally saw where she got her bravery. He emerged a few moments later and stomped up the stairs, stopping to kiss Bella on her head on the way.

Renee patted Bella's shoulder and took her empty cup into the kitchen. I moved over to the couch and Bella took my hand.

"Thank you," she whispered. She leaned over and kissed me gently. I pulled away and kissed her eyes before she rested her head on my shoulder. "Will you stay tonight?" She looked up at me.

"I don't know if I should…Charlie…" I nodded up towards the stairs.

"Goodnight Edward!" Renee called rather loudly. She walked over to the front door, opened it and closed it loudly after a few moments. She smiled and nodded up the stairs.

"Thanks Mom," Bella whispered, pulling me up the stairs. I had to admit it was a little odd that Renee was telling me to sleep in the same bed as her daughter, but I guess I wouldn't argue because I needed to be with her tonight. Nothing else mattered.

I pulled my shirt off and crawled into her bed. She climbed in next to me and rested on my chest. Her fingers ran idly down my chest and eventually up to my neck. She craned her head up and kissed my chin and up to my lips. I ran my fingers down her arm, caressing her skin softly as she pulled herself completely on top of me. I pushed her hair back and gently kissed her neck, tracing along her bruises and wishing them away. I never wanted her to hurt again. And I would spend the rest of my life making sure she didn't.

**A/N: Leave me a review...pwease. **


	14. Conditions

**A/N: Thanks for all your reviews! I noticed in a few that some of you were recommended here by friends and applause for that. Thank you for trusting them and thank those who recommend. That's almost better than a review for me because it means you love and trust this story enough to put yourself on the line and tell people about it and that's amazing.**

**Secondly a few of you have asked if this story is almost over. And to put it simply HELL NO. This is going to be my longest story yet, I've put a lot of planning into it (while allowing for things "on a whim" too, because hey it's me, and that always happens). I don't have a set number of chapters right now, because like I said I tend to add things last minute between planned chapters, but we are not even halfway done yet. Lots more Guardward to come!**

**Lastly, I have set up a formspring account. If you don't know what this is, it's basically a site that allows you to ask me any question that you'd like. If you've ever wondered what my absolute favorite band is, or how I get inspiration for my stories, or what I do for writer's block, or my favorite Edward from my stories, what size shoe I wear, what my favorite pizza topping is…yada yada yada…whatever you want. Ask me on there and I'll answer as long as it's a plausible question. The review system doesn't provide the best environment for that so if you've ever wanted to ask me something about me or my fanfiction, go for it there. I'll post the link in my profile.**

**Bella**

"Do you really have to go?" I asked as I hugged my mother. I never in a million years thought I'd ever say that to her after everything we went to. But she has been such an overwhelming force in my life for the past few weeks and I was devastated she was leaving soon.

"Yeah sweetie. I've got to go back to work and start my new life. And you're starting school tomorrow." She smiled and kissed my cheek. "I can't believe my girl is a senior in high school." She picked up her bags and started towards the taxi waiting in the driveway. With a quick wave she was gone.

I sighed and turned around, walking back into the house.

"Bella?" Charlie called. He'd been in his office all day and I couldn't figure out why.

"Yeah."

"Can you come in here please?"

I shuffled to his office and was surprised to see Edward there. I gulped anxiously, wondering if my Mom had said anything to Charlie about us. She promised me she wouldn't. She knew how important Edward was to me and there was no way Charlie would allow it to continue if he knew.

"Hi," I said.

"Hello," Edward said, his eyes staring straight ahead. He seemed a little tense, but I obviously couldn't ask him about it now.

"How are you doin kid?" Charlie said, bouncing up and down in his chair.

"I'm fine."

"Uh…I just wanted to let you know that Phil was transported to the prison this morning. So…yeah."

I nodded and looked around the room. There was this thick tension between Charlie and Edward and I was dying to know what it was.

"So you've got the back to school carnival tonight?" Charlie asked before shifting his eyes to Edward.

"Yep." I intentionally popped my "p" at the end, almost embarrassed by the awkwardness in this small space. It was suffocating. I was never claustrophobic but being in my dad's office with him and Edward and this crazy elephant in the room, whatever it was, made me have a slight panic attack.

"Do you mind if I go?" Edward asked, his voice void of any enthusiasm. I was a little surprised he would ask me something like that in front of Charlie.

"Umm…" I stammered.

"Yeah Edward. You should go," Charlie nodded.

"What is going on here?" I said, slamming my hands down on the arms of the chair.

"Nothing at all," Charlie piped. "I just think with everything going on Edward should be able to have some…fun," he coughed. "Ya know?"

I glanced between them and decided they were never going to tell me what was going on.

"Fine," I stood up and left the room. I went upstairs to start getting ready. The carnival started in an hour and I didn't want to be late.

"You don't want me to go," Edward suddenly said from behind me. I hadn't even heard him come in.

"It's not that," I sighed, turning around to face him. "I just don't want to force you to go, or my father force you to go to watch after me." I hated making him feel like a babysitter, but I actually was a little happy he was coming.

"But I like watching over you Bella…" He smirked, finally lightening his expression from earlier. He sauntered over to where I was standing in front of my mirror. I was just finishing putting the cover up over the bruises on my neck. They were finally starting to go away, but I still felt a little self conscious out in public.

Edward brushed my hair aside and bent down to my neck, placing soft kisses over the barely visible purple-yellow spots. I arched my neck backwards as he continued up my jaw and finally to my lips.

"If you keep this up we'll never make it to the carnival…" I smiled against his lips.

His fingers traced down my side and rested on my hip, grabbing firm hold and pulling me towards him. But he let go just as quickly and plopped down on my bed. I swear he loved teasing me like that. He did it just for fun.

"Why do you always do that?" I sighed.

"Do what?" He looked up and me and smirked. I could never control myself when he did that. It was almost this sly-cocky grin that was half innocent, half devilish sex God ready to devour you in an instant. It did crazy things to me, and made me want to do extremely crazy things to him but he'd never let me. He was his own cockblocker and I couldn't understand why.

"Nevermind," I whispered, turning back around and giving myself one more look in the mirror. I ran my fingers over my throat and smiled. "They're almost gone now. The makeup pretty much covers them up."

"You think that's something to be proud of Bella? You shouldn't have them in the first place." His expression hardened a little as he watched me.

He bitched me out, practically ripped me a new one, once he was sure that I was okay after the "incident" with Phil. Said it was stupid. Dumb. Ignorant. Childish. Dangerous. And I just sat there and took it because I knew he was right and just had to get it out of his system. I was well aware that it was all those things but I still don't regret it.

"Ready to go Debbie Downer?" I spun around and smiled.

"Yes Sarcastic Sally."

He jumped off the bed and we started downstairs. Charlie had already left for work so I didn't even flinch when Edward took my hand as we walked out the front door. Edward opened up my car door for me before making his way around to the driver's seat, taking my hand again once we were both inside.

After some minor arguing, he let me control the radio station. I figured if that was the biggest thing we got in a fight about tonight then it'd be an accomplishment. I think we almost liked pushing each other's buttons just to get a reaction. But I guess at the end of the day we still went to bed happy to be with each other. Isn't that the point of it all?

I rolled down my window and let the cool air of the night wash over me. It was going to be a perfect night for the carnival, as long as the rain held off. I didn't look forward to much when it came to school events, but for some reason I really loved this. It was a thing the student council put on every year the night before school started again for the year. It never went too late of course, it was a school night, but that's what the after party was for.

The parking lot was already pretty full once we got there; we had to park way in the back. We decided it was best to lay low with our relationship tonight, in public at least. I mean sure, most if not everyone at school knew by now after what happened at Emmett's party, but it was still too risky. I'm sure a few of my dad's guys were working security and the last thing I needed was them running and telling him I was playing tonsil hockey with the bodyguard against the back of the Ferris Wheel.

"Bella! Edward!" Alice waved. She started jumping up and down with excitement. "How does it look?" She gestured grandly to the football practice field that had been converted into a makeshift carnival with games, lights, rides, cotton candy, elephant ears and lots of creepy carnies galore.

"It looks great," I said.

"Did you do all this Alice?" Edward asked, looking around the scene.

"Of course. You're looking at the Student Body President right now."

"And a fabulous body it is." Jasper winked and walked up behind Alice, placing a kiss on her neck and handing her a stick of cotton candy.

"I love you," she smiled and reached up on her tiptoes to place a piece in his mouth.

"I love you," he smiled and muttered with a mouthful of cotton candy.

I glanced towards Edward, almost sensing his eyes on me. They were of course, looking at me with a slight edge of sadness and I knew why. He wanted us to be able to say that and I still haven't been able to. He put his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat, diverting his eyes away from mine.

"Come on," I nodded to him. "Win me a stuffed animal or something." We headed for the first game station, leaving Jasper and Alice behind us. We stepped up to the only open spot and Edward gave the carnie a few bucks. There was a stack of bottles across from us resting on a tall pedestal. The carnie handed Edward a baseball, instructing him that he had to knock down all six bottles to win a prize.

Edward bit down on his lip, concentrating hard on the small stack before he whipped the ball. He hit the right side of the stack, causing all but two to come tumbling down. The carnie set it back up and handed him another ball.

"Last try son," he said.

Edward threw it once again, this time letting out a grunt as he released. I was so mesmerized by him I didn't even see if he hit them or not.

"Sorry," the carnie said.

"Damnit," Edward whispered, obviously frustrated.

"It's okay," I discreetly ran my hand down his arm. "Those things are impossible to win anyway. I think they're rigged."

As I turned around someone shoved a very cute pink teddy bear in my face. "It's not impossible."

I didn't recognize the boy at first, but something about his blonde hair and his cocky smile was familiar.

"Oh come on Bella, you really don't remember me?"

"James?" I asked, instantly recognizing the sound of his voice. He looked so different since I'd last seen him. Granted it was right after I first moved here, but he was almost a completely different person now. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm the new guy at Forks High School I guess."

"Did you parents decide to finally move back here?"

"Uh…no. They kind of kicked me out of the house and Aro was nice enough to take me in." He scratched his head and laughed

"Oh, sorry."

"I'm not." I felt a little self-conscious as his eyes raked down my body. I tugged at my sweater, covering up my chest. "You look good."

"Thanks," I said softly, a little annoyed. I suddenly felt Edward directly behind me, waves of anger rolling off him. James's eyes drifted to him and he smiled.

"Hello."

"Edward Cullen," he stuck his hand out to James. "I'm Bella's bodyguard."

"James."

"James is Aro's nephew," I said slowly.

A moment of awkward silence passed before Edward spoke again.

"Ready for that ride on the Ferris Wheel Bella?"

"Yeah. See you later James," I waved slightly as we left.

"You definitely will," he yelled.

"Edward I hate the Ferris Wheel," I whispered.

"Why?"

"You really trust that piece of crap when you're a hundred feet in the air?"

He laughed under his breath and shook his head. "Okay we'll avoid the Ferris Wheel."

As soon as we turned the corner I threw the teddy bear into the nearest trash bin.

"Why'd you do that?" Edward asked.

"Cause I only wanted it if it was from you." I smiled and nodded towards the bumper cars.

"You driving one of those?" He laughed. "This'll be a piece of cake."

I shoved him and laughed as we stood in line. Edward handed the carnie a few dollars and I ran to pick my car. I had to get the number 13, it was like some unwritten rule. When I was little my dad paid some kid five bucks to give it up.

I sat down and buckled myself in while my eyes searched for Edward. I finally found him in the corner, strapped into a bright red car. He narrowed his eyes at me and pointed with a sinister smile on his face. I grinned and flicked him off just as they turned the cars on.

I spun around and started right for him, but was abruptly hit by a little kid who let out the most annoying laugh I'd ever heard. Sounded like a seagull on drugs. I momentarily abandoned my hunt for Edward and turned it to the squealer.

"You little fucker…" I whispered, turning towards him with pure rage in my eyes.

He screamed, his face filling with panic as I rammed into him.

"Ha! See how you like it!" I started laughing hysterically as he drove away but was cut off by someone else bumping into me.

"Picking on little kids are we?" Edward said a moment before he made his mistake. I couldn't hide my smile as I chased after him. I followed him the rest of the time, adamant to get him at least once. Seagull boy steered clear the rest of the night and everyone else was too involved in their own battles. And then I saw my opening. He was trapped in a corner, nowhere to go.

I smiled and gunned it right for him. He saw me coming and sighed, crossing his arms, knowing there was no way to avoid it. A few feet before I reached him I felt the jerk of the cars shutting off. I frowned as I sputtered a little further, barely tapping his car. He probably didn't even feel it. He looked down at the space where our cars met and doubled over in hysterical laughter.

"What was that? A love tap?" He asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know I don't like that word."

"Well I don't care what you call it Bella that was weak." He unstrapped himself and got out of the car, waiting for me at the exit. "It's okay baby, some people just can't drive," he whispered as I reached him.

"I can drive!" I yelled.

We shared an elephant ear and spent the next hour or so standing around with Alice and Jasper. It seemed like Jasper and Edward had become really good friends. I guess it was a good thing, since Alice and I were always together. And we were always with them. It was only to be expected.

"They're gonna start closing stuff down soon. Are you ready to head to Jessica's?" Alice asked. It was almost ten and the place was starting to clear out.

"Yep." I started towards the car, but Edward grabbed my arm.

"Actually I'll be right back. Can you just stay with Alice and Jasper for a second?"

"Yeah sure," I said, a bit confused as to where he was going.

Alice watched as Edward walked away. "Earmuffs Jazz."

Jasper smiled and put his hands over his ears.

"Have you guys done it yet?" She said to me.

Jasper laughed and started to walk away. Apparently his earmuffs didn't work so well.

"That's private Alice." I crossed my arms.

"You haven't…" Her eyes sparkled. "Cause if you had you would have no problem telling me….Or would you?" She kinked an eyebrow.

"Things are different with him." I stared at the spot Edward had disappeared into, wishing he would come back.

I expected some snarky remark, but her tone softened as she pulled me into a hug. "Good." She hugged me tighter. "But I don't know how you resist because that boy walking towards us right now is fine."

I smiled before I even saw him.

"Where'd you go?" I asked.

"Nowhere. Let's go." He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me out towards the car.

**Edward**

Just when I thought I could finally relax a little, that damn picture brought me back to reality. Charlie had pulled me into his office this morning and slid it across his desk. It was an invitation to the carnival tonight, in the shape of a carousel. Everything looked perfectly normal, except for the picture of Bella taped onto it. There was a huge "X" across her face.

"From the same person?" I said, handing the picture back to him.

"Yes." He tapped his pen on his desk. "Edward I don't know what to do. We're still at a standstill with the last letter. I was almost half hoping…" His voice drifted off.

"That it was Phil."

He nodded, obviously sharing my thoughts.

"I don't want to keep her in a bubble," he sighed. "But we can't just ignore this. I can't let her go to that carnival tonight."

My shoulders fell. She's been talking about going to that damn carnival all week. She would be devastated.

"Sir, if you're okay with it I can go with her," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'll protect her. I promise." I nodded, hoping he'd see that I really meant it.

"Alright."

And that's how I found myself here in my car driving to Jessica's house. Bella's hand rested lightly on my knee as I pulled into her house. I didn't really want to go here. In fact, I absolutely loathed that girl. I wasn't sure why, but I got really protective when it came to people who were a bad influence on Bella. And since her brother seems to be the provider for Bella's extracurricular activities, she was guilty by association.

"Please try to limit yourself tonight love."

She laughed without responding and got out of the car. This was going to be a long night. We weaved our way through the mass of people and I took a seat in the corner, watching her from a distance. She grabbed herself a beer and started talking with Jessica, sending me a smile every now and then. I laughed as she took a shot, excited to see her try and make it through school tomorrow hung-over. I crossed my arms and glanced around the room, stopping when I noticed Jake in the other corner talking to that punk from earlier. I could already tell James would be a problem if I allowed it to get that far. It wouldn't get that far. I didn't miss his eyes lingering over Bella and it took all I had not to pummel his ass. And how he beat that damn game is beyond me.

I shook my head at Jake, moving him down a step on my shit list for even associating with that piece of shit.

"Hi!" Bella said, flopping down into my lap.

"Hi yourself. How are you doing?"

"Great." She smiled, obviously a little buzzed. "I have a present for you."

"You do?"

"Yep. Open up."

"I told you I'm not drinking tonight. I have to drive us home."

"It's not a drink, relax." She sighed.

I opened my mouth and she placed a lime in my mouth.

"Isn't dis wat got us here in da first pace?" I tried to say with the wedge in my mouth.

"Shush!" She said, bending over and running her tongue over my neck. She sprinkled some salt on it and grabbed a tequila bottle from behind her. She leaned over and sucked on my neck, my eyes rolling back in my head as her tongue smoothed my skin. She took a swig out of the bottle, not bothering to measure out the shot. She leaned down and took the lime from my mouth. She spit it out after a moment a pressed her lips roughly to mine.

"Bella," I said. "We're supposed to cool it in public tonight remember?"

She stood up and stumbled a little bit. She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the front door. "Come with me." She winked at Alice on the way out.

She walked me out to the car and nodded at it. "Unlock please."

I did as she said and grabbed the front door handle, assuming she was ready to go.

"No," she grabbed me and pulled me towards her. "Backseat."

I sighed and opened the door for her. She grabbed me and pushed me down before crawling on top of me.

"You wouldn't kiss me in there, so kiss me in here." She leaned over slowly and pressed her lips to mine. I tried to fight it the first few moments, but I was never immune to her kiss. I felt my lips starting to move against hers with little effort.

"I want you so bad," she murmured, reaching for the hem of my shirt. I allowed her to pull it off, only taking my lips away from hers for the slightest moment. She pulled her face away from mine and traced her lips down the middle of my chest, her hands on my sides.

This was going too far. Too fast. I didn't want it to be like this, but I knew it would be hell to pull away from her now. I gave in a little and pushed my hand under her shirt, working my way and feeling along the bottom of her bra. I slipped my finger underneath and ran it around her sides and to her back, fighting the urge to unhook it.

"Do it," she said, resting her fingers on the button of my jeans. I hesitated as she undid it, clenching my teeth together. I was almost there. Almost ready to give in. And then I froze when she started undoing the zipper.

"No Bella."

"Why? I'm on the pill it's okay." She tried to unzip it again. I removed my hand from her shirt and placed it over hers, stopping her from going any further.

"That's not why."

She stopped and sat up. "Why won't you sleep with me?" She said so softly I barely heard her. "You said you…cared about me right?" Her voice cracked a little.

"Bella please." I sat up and took her face in my hands. "You know I care about you, but do you really want our first time to be in the back of a car?"

"Well then can't we go home?" She cried.

"Bella," I said calmly. "Listen to me. I. Love. You. And I want to be with you…like that. I just want it to be right okay?"

"And when is that going to be?"

I sighed and leaned down to kiss her.

"First of all…it'd be nice if you were eighteen so Charlie couldn't arrest me for it."

"He wouldn't…."

"He would." I rested my hands on her knees and waited. "And I want you to say it."

"Say what?"

"You know what."

"Oh come on!" She yelled. "There you go again with that stupid….stupid love shit! Isn't it enough that I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone before in my entire life? How do you know I won't just say it to get what I want?"

"Because I know how much that word means to you. And I know how hard it is for you to tell someone that. And when you can, it'll be right. Okay?"

She sighed and glared at me.

"Will you at least feel me up or something, I'm dying over here."

I laughed and crawled towards her, pushing her back onto the seat. I leaned forward and kissed her neck, allowing my hand to roam freely down her chest. She whimpered as I slipped my hand underneath again and pushed her bra up.

"Is that good?"

"Mmmhmm," she mumbled.

I pulled away and waited for her to open her eyes. "Will you go somewhere with me?'

"I'd go anywhere with you," she said, looking directly into my eyes.

I smiled and sat up, pulling her with me. She crawled into the front seat and I followed, turning the car on and starting down the driveway.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." I took her hand and brought it to my lips, softly kissing her skin.

She was a little confused when we pulled up to the fairground. Everything was dark and to be honest it looked a little creepy.

"What are we doing here?" She asked as we got out of the car.

"Just…wait for it." I took her hand and led her forward. "Hit it Larry!" I yelled.

The once darkened Ferris Wheel suddenly lit up in a ball of light.

"Holy crap!" Bella gasped, grabbing onto my arm. "What is this?"

"Well Bella it's a Ferris Wheel. What you do is you sit in these little seats here and they take you up and around?"

She turned around and crossed her arms. "Edward you know how I feel about these things?"

"I know, but I thought maybe we could conquer at least one obstacle tonight…" I eyed the Ferris Wheel behind her.

"How'd you do this?"

"Paid Larry $50 bucks to stay behind and do this."

Larry gave us a wave as I opened the bar to the seat. Bella glared at me one last time and sat down. I sat down beside her and secured the bar across our lap.

Bella sighed nervously and grabbed onto it tightly.

"Relax sweetheart." I kissed her cheek. "Let's go Larry!"

She shrieked as we jolted forward. Her knuckles were white as she clung to the bar, grasping so tight that I could swear she was going to break it in half.

"Bella," I whispered. "Come on. Look at me."

She turned her eyes to mine and I saw the sheer panic in them.

"I love you," I smiled. Her eyes softened and I felt her relax a little beside me. I kept my eyes fixed on hers the entire way around.

"Again?" Larry asked as we reached the bottom.

"Wait…we already went around?" Bella looked around, completely shocked that we were back on the ground.

"I think once was enough." I laughed. "Thanks Larry." I started to undo the lock but Bella's hands stopped me.

"No." She smiled. "Let's go again."

**A/N: Leave me a review or I'll send a crazy carnie after ya! muah ha ha : )**


	15. First Day

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, I guess I will not send a crazy carnie after you. And for those of you who are unfortunate enough not to have experienced an elephant ear, it's basically a sugary pancake type thing that you put cinnamon and sugar on and its the absolute best carnival food ever. Yum, now I want one. **

**Bella**

"Bella…" Edward said softly. I felt a nudge to my shoulder, but I clung fiercely to the blanket. "Bella…" He said a little louder.

"Fuck off I'm sleeping," I whispered.

"You have to get up and go to school little girl," he laughed.

I slightly opened one eye and looked around. Edward was kneeled beside my bed, his face close to mine.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Then I will physically drag your ass out of bed. Now get up." He stood up and smacked my ass as he walked out of the room.

"Ouch."

"Get up."

"Stupid overbearing ass," I whispered under my breath.

"Don't make me come back in there," Edward called from the hallway.

"Is she awake Edward?" Charlie called.

"Yep."

"Good."

This was a plot. A conspiracy against me. Charlie always had trouble waking me up in the morning so of course he sent Edward to do it. I loathed getting up to go to school. Actually more than loathed. Despised? Not good enough. I would rather stick those stupid number 2 pencils they make us use into my eyeball while it's on fire. I had no problem getting up when I got to spend the morning with Edward, but school was just a whole different situation. I actually asked him last night if he could fit into my backpack so I could carry him around all day and make it more bearable.

I stretched a little before glancing over at my clock. I still had over an hour before I had to leave. What the hell were they thinking waking me up this early?

I threw my blanket off, shivering as the rush of cold air ran to greet my skin. I could almost feel my hair sticking out everywhere and I knew I didn't take my makeup off last night. I probably looked like an electrocuted raccoon.

I rubbed at my eyes as I started down the stairs, stopping midway when I heard the click of the camera. I looked up just in time to see Charlie lower it from his face.

"What the hell?!" I yelled.

"I need a picture of my baby girl on her last first day of school." Charlie smiled. Edward stood behind him, leaning up against the wall with his arms cross trying to contain his laughter. Charlie turned and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Come on Bells. I made you breakfast!" He called.

That had Bad News Bears written all over it. Charlie's cooking was not exactly high on my list of best things to wake up to. Actually it probably shouldn't be on any list that involved anything good, because it was usually downright rotten.

"Don't worry I helped him…" Edward whispered as I passed.

I sighed and shuffled into the kitchen, fully expecting to see smoke billowing from charcoaled pancakes or maybe French toast as hard as a rock. There were three place settings at the table, each with a few waffles on their plates. Some fresh fruit sat in the middle in splashes of red and blue and a can of Whipped Cream was just waiting for me.

"Wow…" I said to myself.

Charlie pulled out my seat for me and grabbed the milk from the refrigerator. Edward smiled and sat down across from me. Charlie poured us each a glass and cleared his throat.

"I'd just like to say a few words…"

I sighed in irritation. Edward sat back in his seat trying to suppress his pure enjoyment of how embarrassing this was for me. I noticed him starting to loosen up around Charlie and I liked it. He wasn't always "Yes sir" or "No sir" anymore. But these are the time when I wish he'd just shut the hell up.

"Bells," Charlie started. "I just wanted to say that I'm really proud of you for the woman you've become. You had a few bumps along the way but here you are, a year away from graduating high school. I love you baby."

"Thanks Dad."

"And uh…Edward I want to thank you too. I've never seen Bella interact with a bodyguard the way she has with you and I can't tell you how much I appreciate the impact you're having on her."

Edward covered his mouth and coughed, trying to hold back his laugh. I kicked him under the table and he straightened right up.

"Thank you Charlie."

"I think of you as a son. You've been a great brother to Bella." Charlie smiled and took a drink of his milk. Edward quickly excused himself and walked quickly into the other room. Charlie looked after him in confusion but I knew why he left. He found all these comments to be hilarious, especially the brother one.

"What's up with him?"

"He just gets very emotional about this kind of thing," I lied, not taking my eyes off the spot he'd disappeared from. He returned a few minutes later, his face perfectly calm.

"Are you alright Edward?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. Thank you."

I sighed and reached for the Whipped Cream, piling a huge mountain on my waffles. I smiled and grabbed a few blueberries and a few strawberries, placing them strategically throughout the white mound to create a smiley face. When I finally broke away from my masterpiece I noticed they were both staring at me.

"Are you sure she's a senior in high school Charlie?"

Charlie laughed and dug into his food. Edward smiled, glancing at me from underneath his lashes. I couldn't help but to return it as I took my first bite.

I looked back and forth between Charlie and Edward, watching as they talked and ate together and it dawned on me that it might not always be like this. I wanted this. Right here. This happy, laid back feeling with both of them. That was all going to go to shit when Charlie found out. The thought made me lose my appetite.

"Um…I'm going to go get dressed." I stood up, leaving half of my plate full.

"Don't you want to finish your breakfast?"

"Nah. It was delicious Dad. I'm just nervous about today, I'm not really that hungry."

"Okay. Well I've got to go to work soon. Edward will take you and pick you up from school."

"Okay." I made a quick exit and scooted up to my room. I sat on my bed and listened for the sound of my Dad's cruiser pulling out of the driveway because I knew he'd come then.

"Bella?" Edward opened my door and stepped inside. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just….really hate school." I laughed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I nodded and turned towards the mirror. I started cleaning my face off and brushing a comb through my hair, trying to look half way decent. I sure as hell wasn't trying to impress anyone but I looked like a crazy person right now. Edward sat down on the edge of my bed and watched me get ready.

"Am I that entertaining?" I asked as I leaned closer to put some makeup on.

"Yeah. I could watch you all day, doesn't matter what you're doing."

I smiled and felt the heat rush to my cheeks. I turned around and grabbed the closest hoodie I could find, pulling it over my head. I grabbed my vest and my book bag and started towards the door.

"Okay let's get this over with."

Edward laughed and followed me out to the car.

Edward placed his hand over mine as we drove to school and I bounced my leg anxiously, not ready for another year in this fucking hellhole. Thank God I was graduating this year.

"Will it really be that bad?" Edward asked.

"Imagine if the evil stepmother from Cinderella and Oscar the Grouch had a baby. That's how bad school is."

"Does this baby have his eyebrows?"

"Yes," I huffed as we pulled into the school parking lot.

"Yikes."

He pulled up next to the curb and put the car in park as I gazed up at the school. The parking lot wasn't that full but there were people scattered everywhere in front of the school. I noticed Jessica and Mike right away sitting on one of the benches next to the sidewalk.

"Okay have a good day at school, don't talk to strangers and don't accept rides from creepy old men."

"What if you're the creepy old man?" I asked, reaching into the back and grabbing my bag.

"Okay I guess that's okay as long as I give you candy."

I smiled and leaned over to kiss him but he pulled away.

"Not here love."

"Why not? They all know anyway."

"They may all know," he nodded to the students. "But I'm pretty sure they do not." He turned his gaze to a group of teachers chatting at the entrance to the school.

"Right." I nodded. "Okay well I'll see you later then I guess."

"Yep."

I opened the door and stepped out, just realizing then that everyone was staring at us. I walked past a group of junior girls who were speaking quickly.

"Who was in the car with Bella?" One asked.

"I don't know but he's hot." Another added.

"How does she get such hot guys when she's such a bitch?"

I scowled at them as I joined Jessica and Mike.

"Bella! Aren't you so excited for the first day of school? I mean it's our last first day!" Jessica rambled on as I watched Edward drive out of the parking lot. "Well I guess not really, I mean there's always college and jobs and stuff. But this is our last first at Forks High School." She paused for a moment to take a breath. "I mean…I'm kind of going to miss this place, aren't you?"

"No," I said bluntly.

"Bella!" Alice called from behind me. I spun around and said a quick goodbye to Mike and Jessica.

"Hey. Thanks you just saved me. Chatty Cathy was about to get all emotional on me."

"Ew. Come on, walk me to class." She linked her arm in mine and pulled me towards the front door.

We pushed our way through the crowded hallways. People were already starting to bitch about classes and they hadn't even started yet. A small group of freshman stood in the corner wide-eyed and looking completely panicked. Everyone in this place was scared shitless, whether they showed it or not. The freshman were terrified of us and this whole new world in front of them and the older kids and worried that this is the last time they'll be able to walk all over people. It's such a fucking joke.

I dropped Alice off at her class and continued down the hall to mine. It's English, which is probably my best subject. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate learning. Actually I really like it and I've always gotten decent grades, but I guess I hate all the other aspects of it. Sure some of these people are my friends, but its only because they have to be. The first day of school is only exhibit A for how fake these people are. They don't like you. They act like they do and the next second they're talking behind your back about you supposedly hooked up with the quarterback in the Men's Locker Room showers.

I walked into my first class and sat down in the very last table, farthest away from the front that I could get. I laid my head down on my desk and waited for the slaughter to begin.

I knew the room was filling up because I started hearing people talking about how amazing their summer vacation was. I smiled a little to myself just knowing that however good theirs was, mine was better.

I pulled out my phone and texted Edward.

_Help me_.

"Excuse me is this seat taken?" Someone asked.

"Yes," I answered, not even bothering to look up.

Whoever it was decided to ignore me because I felt them sit down beside me.

"Listen asshole didn't you hear me, it's taken." I slammed my fist down as my head shot up.

"Feisty are we?" James said, leaning back in his seat with that same cocky grin on his face.

I didn't say anything. I just straightened up in my seat and kept my eyes forward. The teacher eventually walked in and started fidgeting with the overhead projector, but I could still feel his eyes on me. I turned my head slightly and confirmed it. He had propped his arm up on the desk and had his body turned completely towards me. He leaned a little closer and I was afraid he was going to start talking to me, but the teacher started instead and I breathed a sigh of relief.

He went over the usual first day bullshit, "your job, my job" babble and handed out the textbook for the class a few minutes before the bell was supposed to ring.

"Hey listen I was wondering if I could take you out sometime?" James asked, scooting himself close to my chair.

"No."

"No?" He laughed. "Why do you have a boyfriend?"

"No," I stammered. That could get back to my dad way too easily.

"Hmmm," he laughed again and sat back, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

As soon as the bell rang I darted out of the room faster than you could say "get me the fuck out of here."

The next few classes ran by pretty quick and pretty soon I was headed to lunch. I sat at my usual table with Alice, Jessica, Mike, Angela and her boyfriend. The table was only one short from last year since Jasper had graduated, but it felt completely empty.

"So how was the rest of your evening?" I asked Alice.

"Explosive," she winked.

"Sick."

"You asked."

"Yeah but you couldn't have just said good? You have to give me details?"

I pushed my newly opened yogurt away from me.

"Speaking of," Alice leaned closer. "You and Edward looked pretty anxious to get out of there…." She said suggestively.

"Nothing happened."

"Nothing?" She gasped. "Why the hell not?"

"He has some…conditions." I opted for an apple and took a large bite.

"Conditions?"

"Yeah. He wants to wait till I'm eighteen."

"That's it? Your birthday is like two weeks away and he's really holding out for that."

"Well there's something else."

"What is it?"

I sighed and set my apple down, grabbing onto Alice's arm and pulling her away from the table.

"He wants me to say…the "l" word." I shrugged.

"Oh right. You're a little slow in the verbal expression department." She tapped on her temple for a moment. "Wait a minute, if he just wants you to say it….did he say it?"

I looked out the window, trying to avoid her question.

"Bella did he tell you that he loves you?" She shook my arm.

I nodded slowly.

"Bella!" Alice threw her arms around me.

"Alice it's not a big deal."

"Yes it is sweetie. It is a big deal. That boy is in love with you, how long is it going to take you to realize that you feel the same way about him?"

I stared out the window again.

"You already know," she said slowly, a smile spreading across her face.

"I can feel it Alice, I just can't…say it."

"You will when you're ready." She rubbed my arm just as the bell rang.

I trudged through the rest of my classes, anxious to get to the parking lot to see Edward. I stuffed my books in my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I made it out of the school before most people did and I saw his silver Volvo parked against the curb. He was standing outside, leaned up against the car. I was surprised to see Jake standing next to him and they actually didn't look like they wanted to kill each other.

"Hey!" I started to yell. I felt my feet trip over something just before I tumbled to the hard concrete. "Damnit!" My bag fell from my shoulder and landed ahead of me. The palms of my hands burned just like my right knee.

"Bella are you okay?" James said, rushing over to me and helping me up. I glanced back at Edward and noticed he wasn't looking my way. He was still talking to Jake.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks." I turned around to see what had tripped me and noticed a petite, blonde girl standing with her arms crossed in front of her and a snarky smile that could cut right through you.

"Oops." She smiled.

"Excuse me?" I stepped forward, knowing by the look on her face that it was no accident.

"Maybe you should watch where you walk Isabella," she chimed. I didn't even know who this skank was and she was calling me Isabella.

"I think you should watch where you stick your leg you stupid bitch," James said.

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Someone you don't want to mess with. And who the fuck are you Bitch Barbie?"

"Irina."

I bent down to pick my bag up off the ground. She took a step closer to me.

"You may have everyone else fooled Isabella, but I know what's going on with you and Edward. And it's bullshit. You're a piece of trash and he belongs with-"

I charged towards her, ready to rip her little blonde highlights out of her head, but someone grabbed me around my waist.

"Whoa Bella," Edward said softly into my ear. "Relax."

**Edward**

I pulled into the parking lot a full ten minutes before school was supposed to get out. I knew she'd be one of the first one's out since she was so chipper about going this morning. I parked next to the curb and got out, leaning against my car and basking in the unusually warm sunlight while it lasted.

"Can I talk to you?"

I opened my eyes and saw Jacob standing in front of me.

"Talk," I said, settling back into my spot against the car.

"I'm calling a truce."

"Oh are you?" I laughed.

"Yes. Look I know this thing you have with her is real okay? And I'm not going to tell Charlie or rat you out to anyone because I know that would hurt her. And despite what you think and all the bullshit we pulled together, I do care about her. She's my best friend and I want to see her happy."

"And why should I believe you?" I squinted towards him.

"You probably shouldn't. But just as a peace offering, that guy is bad news." He nodded towards the school. Bella was standing with James and tiny blonde girl. I could tell it wasn't a friendly encounter. Bella's fists were balled up at her sides and her shoulders were heaving up and down.

I ran to them as fast as I could, almost getting run over by a few track runners in the process. I saw Bella start to charge forward just as I reached them so I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her back just in time.

"Whoa Bella," I whispered. "Relax."

I finally looked over at the girl across from us and instantly recognized her. I couldn't tell from far away but I saw it now. It was Irina, Tanya's little sister. I forgot she'd be a freshman this year.

"Hello Edward," Irina smiled.

"Irina." I nodded and started pulling Bella away.

"Wait do you know her?" Bella spun around to face me.

"Irina!" A soft voice called from behind us. I turned just in time to see Tanya waving from her car. "Let's go!" Tanya smiled purposefully at me and I shook my head. Irina bounced to her car and got inside.

I let go of Bella and she shoved away from me.

"Who is she?" She yelled.

"She's Tanya's sister."

"Great," she sighed, looking down at her hands.

"What happened?" I asked, grabbing them and looking over the scrapes all over her palm.

"That bitch tripped me."

I guess that gene ran in the family. I spun around, ready to give both of them a piece of my mind, but they were already gone.

"I'm sorry Bella."

"It's not your fault." She sat still while I examined the damage.

"Yes it is. She wouldn't have been like that if it wasn't for me." I dropped her hands and took her bag from her. "Come on let's go."

I tried to pull her towards the car but she stopped.

"Thank you James."

He nodded softly and winked at her. If the day hadn't already been so eventful I'd have to really restrain myself from knocking the bastard out.

Bella and I retreated to the car and started home.

"I see you've made a new friend," I said, unable to hide my sarcasm.

"No."

"Didn't look that way."

"Stop it. He helped me out okay? Leave it alone." She looked down at her hands again.

"Fine."

She sighed and turned towards me. "And what the hell was that whole thing about? Why does Irina hate me, she doesn't even know me!"

"Because she still has it in her head that Tanya owns me."

"Owns you? I didn't realize you guys were that serious?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

My hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel just thinking about it and I didn't want Bella to know. Ever.

"No," I said adamantly. "It doesn't."

The rest of the ride home was tense silence. We pulled into the driveway and I got out of the car, not bothering to wait for her. I went directly to the kitchen, to the cupboard I'd become very familiar with since I'd been here, and pulled out some bandages.

I waited, listening for her to come in, but she didn't. I walked out to the front door, bandages in hand, but the car was empty.

"Bella?" I yelled opening the door. I stepped outside and looked around, finally spotting her book bag on the steps leading back to my house.

I dropped the bandages and ran as fast as I could to the back of the house. My front door was wide open. I hurried inside and looked around.

Bella had every one of my drawers open, my clothes scattered among the floor. I didn't see her at first, but I jumped as a large crash boomed from over by my bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" I said, watching as she tore the drawers out of my nightstand.

"I told you…everything!" She yelled. "Everything! Why can't you do the same?"

"You're not going to find anything about her Bella! You of all people should understand that there are some things I'm just not ready to talk about yet. And that whole telling me everything is bullshit!"

"What? Because I can't tell you that I…love you. Are those three words really that important to you Edward? Because without all this other stuff, they're just empty words!"

"God this is ridiculous! I kicked at my empty drawers on the floor and ran my fingers through my hair. "When you're done acting like a five year old, clean this up!" I spun around and walked out. I started directly for the tree line, picking up the pace as I disappeared into the trees.

I ran the fastest I ever had, just concentrating on the rush of the forest past me. I stopped in the meadow and sat down against an old tree trunk. When my phone started ringing, I assumed it'd be Bella, but I was wrong.

"Esme," I answered, still out of breath.

"Edward? What are you doing?"

"Oh just went for a run. I've been meaning to call you."

"Oh it's okay honey. How's Bella?"

"Bella is…Bella."

"Well that's good to hear. Listen how would you two like to come to the house for dinner tomorrow?"

"Uh…yeah sure. Why not?" I wasn't sure incredibly sure Bella would want to go after today, but I couldn't break Esme's heart like that. She lived for shit like this.

"Alright sweetie. Just be around six alright?"

"Okay. Bye."

I hung up and decided I should head back. The sun was starting to set over the trees and I didn't want to get stranded out here all night. I didn't run on the way back, I took my time trying to figure out what I was going to say to her.

My house was completely dark when I got back and she was nowhere to be seen. There was a light on in her bedroom so I knew she was home.

I went inside and was surprised to see it was clean, except for one drawer in the corner that appeared to be completely broken. I lay down on my bed and tried to relax, but it was useless. I tried watching T.V. but that didn't help. I thought maybe I could read, but it took me five times to understand one sentence because I was so distracted. I finally glanced up at her window again and it was completely dark. I tapped my finger on the bed, contemplating whether or not I should go talk to her.

I sighed and got up, walking outside and grabbing a few small pebbles. I knew Charlie would still be up, probably working in his office and I didn't want to chance it. I took a few of the pebbles in my hand and tossed them up towards her window. Nothing. I did it again and thought I saw some movement in the darkness. But nothing. I threw the last bit of pebbles I had, and when she didn't' respond I just assumed she didn't want to talk to me so I turned around and started back towards my house. Just as I reached the door, a slight movement from beside me caught my attention.

"Shit," I gasped, spinning around to see Bella coming down the stairs. She stopped when she saw me and fidgeted nervously with her hands.

"Couldn't sleep," she shrugged.

"Me neither. I uh….I just tossed some rocks at your window." I laughed softly and stuck my hands in my pockets.

"I just convinced my dad we had a cat."

"What?"

"Well his door to his office was cracked and he was asleep in his chair. But he heard me sneaking out and jumped awake. So I meowed and he went right back to sleep."

I stood silent, too stunned to respond.

"I saw it in a movie once."

We didn't have to say we were sorry, because we both knew we were. Just like she didn't have to say "I love you" until she was ready, and I didn't have to tell her everything until I was ready. I knew she did and she knew I would eventually. I sighed and reached out my hand for hers. She took it and pulled herself close, nestling into my side.

"Come on little sister" I whispered, kissing her head. She laughed as we walked into my house and crawled into bed, both falling asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow.

**A/N: Leave one if you love me, it's okay you can say it outloud**


	16. I Declare

**A/N: Sorry for the longer than usual wait, but life happens. Not much to tell you about but I do want to mention this quote because it's one of my favorites and I think it perfectly sums up Bella and Edward's relationship. **

**"There's no such thing as a perfect soulmate. If you find someone and you think they're perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction. Cause your soulmate is the person that pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis, and makes you face your shit."**

**-Madonna  
**

**Edward**

I snuggled closer to Bella as my alarm sounded. It was five in the morning and I knew she had to get back to her room before Charlie got up and around.

"You have to get up Sleeping Beauty…" I whispered, nuzzling into her hair. She always smelled good. It didn't matter if she'd just taken a shower or if we were just laying in bed after a lazy day, I could always find that fresh rain and wildflower smell. She moaned and turned towards me.

"I'm sorry about last night…again," she sighed. "I was wrong and I overreacted."

"Me too."

She smiled and slowly pressed her lips to mine as my alarm went off again. I spun around and shut it off, running my fingers through my hair and trying to wake up. I felt Bella crawl out of bed and head towards the door.

"Oh baby?"

"Yeah." She stopped and turned back.

"Esme wants us to come over for dinner tonight. Is that okay?"

"Yeah that sounds great. I'm gonna go get ready." She nodded and left.

I lay in bed for a while before I got up and took a quick shower. I headed up to the house a few minutes before we were leaving.

"Morning Charlie." He sat at the dining room table reading the paper. I grabbed the comic section and sat across from him, waiting for Bella to come down.

"Good Morning." He reached for his cup of coffee and took a sip.

"Let's go Bella!" I yelled, not taking my eyes off the newspaper.

Charlie cleared his throat and got up. He set his coffee cup at the sink and stuck the newspaper under his arm as he walked by me.

"Oh Charlie I was wondering if it was alright for me to have dinner with my family tonight, Bella mentioned something about going to Alice's."

"Well that should be fine Edward." He smiled and turned up the stairs. "Bella!"

"Yeah Dad."

"You're going to Alice's tonight for dinner?"

"Yeah is that okay?"

I sighed in relief when she went along with my story. I didn't like lying to Charlie, but it'd be a little too much if she was coming over to my house for dinner. I was pretty sure my entire family knew, but he didn't.

"Sure honey. I'm working a double so I won't be home until late. Just make sure you're home by ten please, it's a school night."

"Okay!" She bounded down the stairs and jogged into the kitchen, planting a quick kiss on Charlie's cheek on her way in. She hummed to herself as she opened the cupboard and pulled out a Pop Tart. "Good Morning Edward," she grinned.

"Good Morning Bella."

She pulled herself up onto the counter and started munching on her breakfast.

"Okay I'm out," Charlie said. "Have a good day you two." With a smile and a nod he was out the door. I turned around and watched him pull down the driveway.

"You look very pretty today," I said, glancing at her from behind my newspaper. My eyes trailed down her brown curls that landed softly halfway down her back.

"Thank you." She jumped down from the counter and started towards the stairs. "I just have to grab my bag then we can go."

I folded up the paper and tossed it on the table as I got up. She met me in the foyer and we were off.

"Are you sure you want to go to dinner tonight?' I asked along the way. "I mean I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do…"

"No I want to. I promise." She smiled.

"Okay."

We pulled into the parking lot and I suddenly realized how late we were. The parking lot was completely full but there was no one outside. I stopped next to the curb and unlocked the door for her.

"Hurry inside, I don't want you to get in trouble." I nodded towards the door.

She grinned and leaned across the seat to kiss me.

"Whoa I thought we agreed to back off a little here." My eyes darted around nervously, looking for any sign of someone.

"There's no one here. Come on." She leaned in again.

"No Bella," I laughed despite my efforts to stay serious.

"Well I guess I'll just have to be late then, because I'm not leaving until you kiss me." She sat back in her seat and crossed her arms, allowing her head to fall back.

I took one more look around and finally gave in. I leaned across and pressed my lips to hers. I quickly pulled away but she grabbed a fistful of my hair and held my face to hers for a moment longer.

"Okay, now go to class," I mumbled against her lips.

"Okay." She smiled and grabbed her bag off the floor.

"I love you," I said softly as she reached for the handle. She stopped and turned around to kiss me once more before she hopped out. I smiled as I watched her run in. She turned around once to wave at me and almost tripped over her own feet.

I laughed to myself as I put the car in gear and glanced behind me. My smile fell as I saw Tanya sitting in her car staring directly at me. She waved and started to get out of her car. She was off her fucking rocker if she actually thought she was coming to talk to me. Without another look or thought I pressed down on the gas pedal and sped out of the parking lot.

I wanted to get Bella something nice for tonight. I felt like she deserved something special after all the progress she was making. I mean that feisty part of her was still there but she had so much more to her now. I'd like to think I had a little to do with that, but I think it was mostly her realizing that she was worth more than she was settling for.

I drove downtown and sauntered down the sidewalk, looking into random windows hoping something would catch my eye. I was just about to give up when I saw it. A small, silver bracelet sat in the window display. It wasn't anything elaborate but the instant I saw I knew she'd love it. I leaned forward and examined the turquoise stones. It was perfect. I smiled and walked into the shop.

"Excuse me miss?" The lady at the counter was folding some scarves and looked overly happy to be doing so. She couldn't have been much older than me.

"Yes, how can I help you?" She smiled at me.

"I'd like one of the bracelets in the window." I nodded.

"Sure, which one?"

"The silver one…with the turquoise stones."

"Ah. Excellent choice sir. Is this for a…girlfriend?" Her look suggested that her question was more than casual.

"Yes," I answered quickly.

"Lucky girl." She grabbed the bracelet and brought it back up to the counter to ring me up. I handed her some cash and dashed out of there, anxious to get away.

I got back to the house and was caught off guard by how quiet everything was. It was only Bella's second day of school, but with Charlie gone I really had nothing to do and no one to talk to. I took Bella's bracelet back to my house and then headed back to the main house, thinking maybe I could find something to do.

I did the dishes from this morning and flipped through the channels on T.V., only finding talk shows and infomercials. It wasn't as fun when Bella wasn't here to make fun of them with me. I found myself literally wandering around the house when Emmett called.

"Hey."

"Hey bro, what are you doing?"

"Ha. Absolutely nothing. I've been staring at this weird bowl for the last fifteen minutes." I reached out and ran my finger along the edge.

"Ouch. You're really whipped dude. You can't even function without her around."

"It's my job Emmett."

"To be whipped?"

"No. My life here is supposed to revolve around her." I shrugged. "It's just taken a little different direction than I'd originally planned."

"Stop it Edward. You're making me feel all emotional. You need some man time or something. Go leave the toilet seat up or watch some porn or something."

"Fuck off, you know you go crazy when Rose is gone."

"Yeah but I don't wander aimlessly around the house fondling bowls."

"Bye," I huffed and hung up on him. This was going to be a long day.

By the time I had to pick Bella up from school I'd cleaned the kitchen, both bathrooms, and read through every magazine on the coffee table. I tapped my finger anxiously on the steering wheel and rolled down my window as I waited. I guess I left a little early.

I held my breath as a single student walked out the front doors. A few moments later the bell rang and I kept my eyes tuned to the door waiting for her to come out. I spotted Alice before I saw her, but there she was. She was laughing and smiling, which hopefully meant today went better than yesterday.

"Beautiful aren't they?" Jasper said, suddenly appearing at my window.

"Sure are. What are you doing here man?"

"Picking Alice up. Her car is getting fixed and I only had one class today."

"Ah the college life," I sighed.

"Actually I wanted to ask you something." He bent down and spoke a little softer. "I've been thinking a lot….about joining up."

"Joining up?"

"Yeah. Well it's always kind of been in the back of my mind but after hearing you talk about it I want to do it."

He meant he wanted to join the army. I honestly didn't know what to say to him. I mean I learned more about myself in that short time than I had my entire life. But I've never felt as much loss either. It was a strange feeling to be grateful for something that destroyed your life. Even though I'd probably never go back, and honestly would rather walk over hot coals, but I'd do it in an instant. It was the kind of duty it instilled in you. You may not like it, but you'll answer the call without a second thought. And as much as I wanted to tell Jasper no, I couldn't.

"Are you sure Jazz?"

"Yes." He nodded.

I turned back to check if Bella and Alice were still far enough away before pulling out my phone and scrolling through my contacts.

"I'm going to give you my recruiter's number. Give him a call, tell him you know me. He should be able to get you any information or paperwork you might need."

"Thanks man."

I grabbed a pen and an old receipt and jotted down the number just before Bella opened the door.

"Hey."

"Hi."

I quickly handed Jasper the piece of paper, hoping that Bella wouldn't notice. Jasper slipped it in his pocket as Alice jumped into his arms.

"Hi hubby." She pressed her lips to his.

"We'll see you guys." Jasper nodded and started walking away, Alice still wrapped around his waist. She smiled and waved.

I laughed and rolled up my window. Just as I started to drive away, a blur of blonde hair stepped out in front of me. I watched as Irina scowled our way and walked directly towards Tanya's car. She got in and leaned over, whispering something in her ear. Tanya's eyes shot right at us.

"Earth to Edward?"

"What?" I spun my head towards Bella. "What? Sorry."

"What was that piece of paper?" Damn. She noticed.

"Uh. Jasper saw me waiting and realized he didn't have my phone number."

"Aw, you guys are so cute. Exchanging phone numbers and all." She laughed as I drove out of the parking lot and started home.

"What did you do all day?" She asked.

"Nothing. I was bored as hell. I don't like admitting it but I'm kind of a mess without you." I reached over and took her hand.

"I know what you mean. It's definitely weird to go from spending everyday with you to this. And by weird I mean Hell."

"Agreed."

She told me all about her day and how she managed to avoid Irina thankfully. Besides a small run in at lunch they hadn't spoken at all. I was thankful for that. I mean I knew Bella could take care of herself but Irina was a little bitch, even when I first met her. She was eight.

Bella decided to work on her homework right when we got home so she wouldn't have to worry about it later. We went directly to my house and she set up on the bed. I got a glass of water and sat down in the chair to watch her. She sat cross-legged, papers and books all around her. Every now and then she'd scratch her head or bite down on the end of her pen.

"Damn it," she muttered to herself, frantically erasing whatever she had written.

"Do you need some help?" I kinked an eyebrow.

"I don't think it'll help. I'm completely incompetent when it comes to math."

I smiled and got up off the chair. I plopped myself down on the bed, scooted the book over to me and took her pen, placing it behind my ear.

I started reading through her problem and tried to think back to my high school days when I actually did this shit.

"Give me your notebook." I reached my hand out, keeping my eyes on the book.

I looked over what she had done, trying to see what was wrong.

"I see what you did. You didn't invert this before you cross-multiplied. That's what made your ratio off." I pointed to her mistake. I started correcting her work when I felt her hand run through my hair.

"You know you're really sexy when you talk nerd," she whispered, her hair brushing across my hands as she leaned close.

"Really?" I laughed.

"Yeah." I felt her breath on my jaw an instant before her lips were on my neck.

"Bella," I sighed. "I thought you wanted to do your homework."

"What if you are my homework?" Her lips grazed across my skin, lightly at first but becoming more and more eager.

"I don't think your teacher would accept me as homework." I unconsciously closed my eyes and arched my head back as she kissed me.

"Oh I think she would." I lost all train of thought when I felt her teeth pinch my skin.

I threw the book on the floor and turned towards her, pushing her down on the bed and hovering above her. I leaned down and placed soft kisses on her neck and along her shoulder. She reached for the hem of my shirt, fumbling trying to pull it over my head. I reached behind me and pulled it over my head in one quick motion. She leaned up and dragged her tongue up my chest, finally connecting her mouth to mine. Her fingers trailed down my stomach, resting on the top of my jeans.

"Come on Bella," I said, out of breath. "We said we'd wait."

"I know," she whispered, pressing her lips to mine again. "We're waiting. That doesn't mean we have to be fucking prudes."

She quickly undid the button on my jeans and slipped her hand inside. I groaned as I felt her on me.

"Good boy," she said, moving her hand a little faster.

I allowed my hand to wander down to her jeans. I hesitated a little at her zipper, but she reached up with her free hand and pulled it down.

"I want you to," she whispered, looking straight into my eyes. I grabbed her jeans at her hips and yanked them down as I pushed her down on the bed. My fingers felt along the hem of her black lace underwear, between the fabric and her thigh before slipping them inside.

Her hand froze and her breath hitched in her throat for a moment. She pushed her hips up to meet my hand.

"Edward? Are you there?" Charlie's voice echoed over the intercom. I don't think anything has ever killed the mood more than that.

"Fuck!" Bella screamed as I started to get off the bed. She grabbed my hand, keeping it in place against her. "Please don't stop," she breathed.

"I have to go." I begged. She let go and I ran over to the intercom.

"Yeah Charlie," I said, pushing the green button.

"I'm just back to grab a quick dinner before I go back in. Have you seen Bella?"

My eyes shot to her, still laying on the bed with her jeans halfway down.

"Um yeah. She's here. She needed some help with her…homework."

"Okay well just finish whatever problem you're working on and send her up here. I'd like to see her before I leave."

"Will do." I ran my fingers through my hair, still trying to catch my breath. I buttoned my jeans and started towards the door. "Come on let's go."

She stood up and crossed her arms. "No."

"Why do you have to be so fucking difficult all the time?"

She kicked her jeans off and sauntered over to me, a hard look on her face.

"He said…to finish whatever problem we were working on."

"Don't be ridiculous Bella. Come on. Put your pants on."

"No." She shook her head and stood in front of the door, blocking the way.

I threw her pants at her and waited. She let them fall to the floor.

"Well if you won't finish it off. I will." Her hand snaked down her stomach and ran back and forth at the top of her underwear. As soon as her fingers disappeared under the fabric I bounded across the room and pushed her up against the wall.

"You are such a pain in the ass…" I whispered, pulling her hand out and replacing it with mine. She closed her eyes and wrapped her legs around my waist. Her hands reached forward and locked around the back of my neck.

I watched as her face changed. It was soft at first. Then she slowly drew her bottom lip in between her teeth. And then her jaw dropped open and a soft whimper escaped from her lips as her fingers dug into my skin and I knew it was over. Her eyes fluttered shut and I felt her legs go limp around me. She looked beautiful.

"There. You going to stop bitching now?"

"Mmmhmm," she mumbled, keeping her eyes closed. She finally opened her eyes and they were completely soft, looking like she was in heaven. "You might want to cover up that hickey on your neck before we go up." She laughed and nodded towards my neck. I ran over to the mirror and sure enough, a small red and purple patch was starting to form on my skin. I opened my drawer and pulled out the first collared shirt I could find. It seemed to cover it pretty well when the collar was popped. I guess I'd rather look like an idiot than have Charlie see that monstrosity on my neck. I spun back around and started towards the door. Just as Bella opened it, I noticed the same small circle starting to form on her neck.

"Damn it," I whispered, bending down and brushing my fingers over it.

"What?"

"Looks like we're twins. I'm sorry I didn't mean to mark you like that."

"It's okay. I kind of like it." She winked and started out the door, obviously not concerned about Charlie noticing.

I fidgeted nervously the entire walk up there. Bella was completely calm. Half of me wished she had "finished" off my problem too. Maybe I wouldn't be so anxious.

"Hey Dad!" Bella called as we came through the door.

"Hey Bells. When are you leaving for Alice's?"

"After I take a shower, so in a little while." She started up the stairs.

"What is that?" Charlie pointed towards Bella and I felt my whole world blur around me. He saw it.

"What?" Bella asked.

"That thing on your neck!"

"Oh. I burned myself with a curling iron this morning. Hurts like hell." She smiled. My eyes darted towards Charlie, assessing whether I needed to run for it or not.

"Oh. Thank God I don't have to use those things." He shrugged and started towards the door. "Have a good night guys."

I didn't breathe until he got in his car and drove away.

"Relax Edward. I've used that excuse on him for years and he always buys it. Now go take off that God awful shirt, you look like a wannabe Frat boy." She started up the stairs and disappeared into the bathroom.

**Bella**

My whole body was still buzzing. It was like every limb, every nerve was a ball of fluff and I was floating away on a cloud. Corny right? Not to overdue it but I'd never felt this good after. It made me even more anxious for the real thing.

I smiled as I turned on the shower and took my clothes off. The warm water trickling down my skin was a welcome sensation and I took my time.

I gasped as the water turned cold and jumped out of the shower, grabbing desperately for a towel. I guess I didn't realize how long I was in there, I must have used all the hot water. I wrapped myself in my towel and walked back to my room to pick out something to wear. I didn't really know if this was a formal dinner or if I could just wear jeans. I grabbed a comb off of my vanity and started combing my dripping hair as I looked through my closet. I pulled out my white sundress, hoping that it would work either way.

I smiled and laid it down on my bed before going to sit down at my vanity. I pulled my towel off and started drying my hair just enough so it wasn't dripping all over place. I set the towel over the back of my chair and leaned forward, examining my skin in the mirror. It was absolutely glowing, and for some reason I knew it had everything to do with him. He was making me better without even trying. My fingers ran across my skin and down to my neck where the bruise was starting to form. I figured it wasn't the best idea to show up at the Cullen's with a hickey on my neck so I reached for my makeup and did my best to cover it up.

My hair was practically dry once I was finished with my makeup. It fell in waves down my shoulder.

I didn't realize how late it was until I looked at the clock. We were supposed to be there in a half hour. I quickly put my dress and shoes on, grabbed a light jacket and headed out to Edward's house.

I knocked lightly before stepping inside. He was standing in front of the mirror wrapped only in a towel. His hair was darkened a little, still damp from his shower.

"I had to take a cold shower," he said, running his fingers through his hair.

"Well if you would have let me finish my work earlier you wouldn't of had to do that sweetheart," I said sarcastically.

"No. I had to take a cold shower because someone," he glanced at me in the mirror, "used all the hot water."

"Sorry." I laughed and sat down on the edge of this bed, watching him as he got ready.

"Pick out a shirt for me, will you?"

"Yeah sure." I hurried over to the drawers where his shirts were. I'd memorized where everything had been during my little tirade the other day. I bent down and opened the second drawer. My hands drifted through the stack of shirts, going all the way to the bottom. The last shirt wasn't like the others. It wasn't a nice button down shirt, just a simple gray shirt. I glanced back at Edward before I pulled it out. "Army" was written in simple navy blue letters across the front. I didn't remember this one. But then again I was a little crazy at that moment so I probably wasn't paying close attention to which close I was throwing all over the place.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"How come you never wear this?" I held up the shirt.

His face froze when he saw what I was holding. He walked over to wear I was and took it in his hands.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just not ready yet." He sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know that probably sounds stupid, it's just a shirt, but…"

"It's not stupid." I smiled and took his hand. "But you shouldn't be ashamed of this." I placed my hand on the shirt. "It's something to be proud of Edward, you don't need to hide it away."

He nodded.

"And wear this shirt," I reached down and grabbed a dark blue button up from the pile. I handed it to him and kissed his cheek as I got up.

He disappeared into the bathroom and I gave him a little privacy as he got dressed.

"How do I look?" He said.

I turned around and caught him buttoning up his last few buttons on his shirt.

"You look very handsome." I walked over to him and ran my hand down his chest, flattening his shirt out.

"Oh, before I forget. I got you a little something earlier." He spun around and jogged towards his nightstand.

"Edward you didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to." He handed me a small box. "Happy Un-Birthday."

"Thank you," I said softly, taking the box in my hand. I held my breath as I opened it, revealing a perfectly simple bracelet. "Oh my God…" I whispered.

"I know it's not much, but…"

"It's perfect." I smiled and looked up at him. "Perfect."

"Here let me help you put it on…" He took the box from me and grabbed the bracelet. I held out my wrist and he quickly clasped it around. "Alright, let's go." He leaned down and kissed me before pulling me out the door.

I was a little nervous but I didn't understand why. It wasn't like this was the first time I was meeting his family, but I guess it was the first time since we were…us.

"Relax Bella. They already love you." He smiled and pulled into the driveway.

"I know. It's just…it's different this time." I took a deep breath as he put the car in park.

Edward got out and ran around to open my door for me.

"Thank you good sir," I laughed and took his arm.

"You're welcome miss."

Esme opened the door as soon as we were at the first step.

"Hi Bella!" She waved.

"Hi Esme. Thank you so much for having me over for dinner."

"You are so welcome sweetheart." She hugged me as we walked in. "Hi Honey," she said to Edward.

"Little Swan!" Emmett bounded across the floor and scooped me up. I smiled and waved at Rosalie as he spun me around. Carlisle sat in the chair and offered a welcoming smile.

"Dinner should be ready in about a half hour," Esme said, hurrying towards the kitchen.

"Sounds great," I said as Emmett put me down.

"Here have a seat," Emmett nodded to the couch. I plopped down and Edward sat down next to me, not afraid to put his arm around my shoulder. I guess I didn't know that he'd told his family. I mean I'd assumed they knew something, why else would they invite me? But it was still surprising to see him be this affectionate in front of other people.

"So Bella how is school going so far?" Carlisle asked.

"Good. I guess. I'm not really a fan of school." I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

"Edward never was either. But he always seemed to get good grades. Never knew why because I never once saw him pick up a book." He narrowed his eyes playfully at Edward.

"I've got a good memory." Edward laughed.

I jumped as the doorbell rang.

"Esme, were you expecting more guests?" Carlisle called into the kitchen.

"No." She peeked her head out and shook her head.

Carlisle furrowed his brow and got up out of his chair. "Excuse me for a moment." He smiled and disappeared into the hallway. We all sat and listened, waiting to see who our mysterious visitor was. And then I heard the last sound I wanted to hear.

"Tanya! We weren't expecting you," Carlisle laughed.

"I know, I'm so sorry I should have called. But I just thought I'd stop by since I haven't visited with Esme in awhile." She laughed and I wanted to throw up. My fists clenched up at my sides and I felt Edward tense beside me. Their footsteps started down the hallway and finally stopped behind us.

"Oh my gosh, I didn't know you had company. I should have called. I'm so sorry." There was no hint of remorse in her voice. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if she did this on purpose, but how the hell did she know we were here?

It was like a light went on in my head. My thoughts instantly drifted back to lunch today. I didn't even think when I was telling Alice about coming here tonight. Irina was sitting at the table beside us.

"That little bitch…" I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"Nothing." I smiled.

"Is that my Tanya?" Esme came running out of the kitchen and gave Tanya a big hug. I cowered back into the couch, feeling more insignificant with each passing moment. It was evident that they loved her, but I didn't understand why. Obviously Edward and her didn't end on good terms, why did they adore her so much?

"I'm so sorry Esme, I didn't mean to intrude," Tanya chimed.

"No, no honey you aren't intruding. We're just about to eat dinner, would you like to join us?"

"Are you sure?" Her eyes got big as she looked around the room.

"Positive," Esme nodded.

"Alright. Thank you."

"No problem sweetheart. Emmett can you set out an extra place setting?"

"Sure thing." He glared at Tanya as he left the room. He obviously knew what happened between them.

A beeping sound started coming from the kitchen and Esme ran back in. "It's ready everyone!"

Edward and I were the last ones to get up. I leaned into him as we walked into the dining room.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"No." He kept his eyes straight ahead.

We all sat down at the table. Me next to Edward, Tanya across from him. Esme chatted as she passed the dishes around, filling the otherwise awkward silence.

"So Tanya, I thought you had moved away from this little town?"

"I did. Well I am. But I'm thinking about staying a little longer." Her eyes shifted to Edward and I almost launched myself across the table.

"This is delicious Esme," I interrupted.

"Thank you dear."

"Bella I was a little surprised to see you here?" Tanya smiled. I set my plate down and wiped my face with my napkin.

"Why's that Tanya?"

"I just didn't expect to see you much after the benefit that's all."

"Well I guess I just defied the odds." I glared in her direction.

"Speaking of defying the odds? Did I hear you got that scholarship Tanya?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes I did. I don't think I would have gotten it without your recommendation Dr. Cullen. Thank you so much."

"You're so welcome. You know you're like a daughter to me."

"We were all hoping," she laughed and her eyes shifted to Edward again. I turned towards him and gauged his reaction. He closed his eyes and threw his napkin down on his plate before he got up.

"Excuse me please," he whispered as he darted out of the house. I watched him cross the living room and stomp up the stairs.

The table fell silent and as everyone watched the spot he'd just disappeared to.

I smiled and delicately placed my napkin on my seat as I got up. I followed him up the stairs and to his room. His door was mostly closed, only a sliver of light showing.

"Edward?" I whispered and pushed the door open.

He sat on the edge of his bed with his head buried in his hands.

"Are you okay?" I edged closer.

He tilted his head towards me and I saw the tears glistening down his cheek.

I closed the door behind me and hurried to him. I sat beside him and rested my hand on his knee.

"We were engaged." He sighed. "I'd been gone for almost 6 months and I flew back here on leave and surprised her with a ring. It was the night of the hospital benefit." He sniffled. "After about an hour she disappeared and I couldn't find her anywhere. No one had seen her. So I went up to our room and big surprise she was there." He grabbed my hand. "And even bigger surprise she wasn't alone."

"Oh God…" I whispered.

"She said it was my fault. That she'd been seeing him for a while now. That I'd abandoned her and what else did I expect her to do? She said she panicked when I proposed and couldn't say no." He looked down at his feet.

"Your parents don't know do they?" I asked.

"No. I told her I wouldn't tell anyone. I just wanted her gone. I didn't care about anything else."

"Edward they need to know. That whole thing going on downstairs is just a load of bullshit. You know they'd never treat her that way if they knew. You deserve more than that."

"You always make me feel better." He smiled slightly and turned towards me. "Thank you."

"Thank you for telling me." I leaned forward and kissed him.

"We should get back down there." He stood up and pulled me out the door and towards the stairs.

"Um…I'm just gonna use the restroom. I'll be down in a minute."

He nodded and started down the stairs.

As soon as I stepped inside and closed the door behind me I lost it.

An intense wave of anger and enlightenment washed over me. I hated her. Plain and simple. I hated her for what she'd done to him then and I hated her for what she was doing now. But I also hated myself. I'd always complained about not being able to trust people, but look at Edward. He'd been royally fucked by someone who was supposed to love him no matter what and yet look how willing he'd given his love to me. I've never known that kind of courage or trust before in my life. He wasn't afraid even though he had every right to be. He was willing to risk his already fragile heart, which was unfathomable in my mind. How did he know I wasn't going to shatter it into a million pieces? It made me wonder what the hell was wrong with me.

The crying stopped just as quickly as it started and I stood up and wiped my eyes. I opened the door and started down the stairs. I stopped halfway down and peered around the corner.

"Edward do you really think that it's going to last with her?" Tanya said quickly.

"It's none of your business Tanya."

"Come on. You know we belong together." She took a step closer and placed her hand on his chest. "I made a mistake babe. You know I love you."

"Your only mistake will be if you don't back the fuck off bitch!" I stomped down the stairs and stepped between her and Edward.

"Excuse me?" She scowled.

"You heard me. Touch him again and I'll beat your ass."

"What's going on here?" Carlisle asked. The group had congregated in the hallway.

"Tell them Edward." I pleaded as I spun towards him. Tanya's eyes grew wide as she realized what I was talking about. I took a step towards him. "Please Edward. Tell them."

"I can't."

"Well shit if you won't tell them I will!" Emmett interrupted. "Tanya fucked the bartender at the benefit last year!" He threw his arms up.

Esme's hand flew to her mouth and Carlisle's expression fell flat.

"Is this true Tanya?" Esme whispered.

Tanya's shoulders heaved up and down. She eventually spun towards me and took a few steps forward.

"This is all your fault!" She screamed. "You're just a piece of trash, why the hell does this concern you?"

"Because I'm in love with him you two faced whore!" I spat at her. My breathed hitched in my throat when I realized what I'd just said. I smiled and turned towards Edward. "Did I just….?" I started laughing and ran to Edward, jumping up into his arms. "I have to tell you something." I leaned in close to his ear. "I love you." His arms tightened around me and I buried my face into his neck.

I jumped down and turned back towards everyone. "I love him," I smiled. "We're gonna go. Esme, sorry about dinner. Tanya, sorry about the herpes you probably got from that bartender. Bye." I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him towards the door.

"Did I ever tell you how amazing you are?" Edward said as we ran towards the car.

"Can I borrow your keys?"

"You aren't driving."

"It's not for driving." I smirked and reached around into his back pocket where I knew he kept his keys. I shook them in front of his face and ran over to Tanya's car. "Cover your eyes."

The paint scratched off pretty easily. It didn't take as long as I thought it would.

"Bella what the hell are you doing?"

"Just reminding her of her place." I leaned back and smiled at the heart with Edward and my names inside of it on the hood of her car. I love him.

**A/N: How much do you hate Tanya? Ew. I hate her almost as much as I love Bella for finally saying it...out loud. Leave me some reviews and let me know what you think of her declaration. : )**


	17. For a Pessimist

**A/N: Sorry again for the lack in updating as much as I used to. School and work and finding internships are really starting to take up a lot of my time, but just know I'm always thinking of you guys! **

**Edward**

It'd been a few days since Bella's epiphany, and ever since then I couldn't get her to shut up about it. Not that I minded at all. She was perfectly annoying about it. Of course I'd known it all along. She didn't need to tell me for me to know, but I needed her to know. I needed her to admit it. And I'd never been more in love with her than in that moment. Or more scared.

I was on my way to Carlisle and Esme's to pick up a few things I wanted from my room. Bella still had another solid hour of school before I had to pick her up.

Esme's car was the only one in the driveway when I pulled up. Carlisle must be at work and Emmett was off doing his little Emmett things, whatever the hell they were. I was almost thankful it was just her. I wanted to talk to her about some things. She was one of the only people who I trusted enough to talk to. She was always honest, never harsh. I'd always appreciated that even when she told me I was wrong.

"Mom?" I opened the door and peaked my head inside. The house empty, almost perfectly silent except for the soft humming coming from upstairs. I smiled and quietly jogged up the steps. My bedroom door was open, a soft line of light shining into the hallway. She always liked to sit in there because it had the best view of the backyard. I sauntered over and looked inside. She was sitting on the bed folding some clothes. I leaned up against the doorframe and crossed my arms in front of me as I watched.

"Are you going to stand in the door way this whole time sweetie?" Esme said, not even looking up from her work.

I laughed quietly and walked over to my bed. I sighed as I sat down and rested my elbows on my knees.

"Love looks good on you." She smiled sweetly.

I ran my fingers through my hair and laid back. "It's completely crazy isn't it? I can't stop thinking that it's wrong."

"It's never wrong Edward. I don't care what kind of love it is, but its not. Ever." She folded the last piece of clothing and turned towards me. "We don't always go out looking for it and sometimes it pops up in the most unexpected places, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve it or it wasn't meant to be."

"But I thought I loved Tanya too, look how shitty that turned out. I mean I love feeling like this but it just makes me feel like something bad is going to happen. It can't all be this good can it?"

"First of all. Bella is not Tanya. And honey I wish you could have told us earlier. I thought your breakup was amicable and clearly I would never have had a relationship with her at all if I'd known. I'm always on your side no matter what." She took my hand. "And second of all. No it's not always going to be this good. There's going to be bad times, it is inevitable. But honey if you're always looking for that constant Utopia you're not going to find it. It doesn't exist. You just have to make a constant decision that you love that person enough to deal with all the shit life throws at you."

"Did you just say shit?" My eyes widened. I don't think I've ever heard my mother swear before in my entire life.

"Yeah." She lay back beside me. "Edward there were sometimes that Carlisle drove me so insane that I wanted to literally kick him to the curb. We had our rough patches. But there's honestly no one else I'd rather share my life with." She turned her head towards me and smiled. "She loves you sweetheart. Trust me I know. A mother can tell these kinds of things. And I couldn't be happier for you. I know this whole thing with Charlie is going to be tough. And I know it will be difficult to tell him. But Edward the longer you wait the worse it's going to be. Just do it as soon as you're ready okay?"

"Thanks Mom." I smiled and hopped up, turning towards her to pull her up.

"You're welcome. I take it you didn't stop by just to have a little chat did you?" She picked up the laundry and started out of the room.

"Uh…no. I just wanted to pick up a few things."

"Alright. Can you stay awhile?"

"No I can't. I'm sorry. I have to pick up Bella from school in a little bit."

"Okay. Well take your time sweetie, I'm just going downstairs to do more laundry." She nodded and left.

I stood for a few minutes, mulling over everything she'd said. She was right of course, but I was still terrified. Now that I had everything I wanted, I was scared to death of losing it. It was like a double-edged sword. You're fucked either way. But if I had to be fucked, literally or figuratively, Bella is the one I want to do the job. I guess that's a really messed up translation of Esme's words but hell, I wasn't always as eloquent as she was.

I sighed and made my way over to the bookshelf. I knew I'd put it back here that night of the party. My fingers brushed along all the books until it hit the smallest one. I pulled out the journal and held it in front of me, staring at it for a long time. For the first time, I'd actually felt like writing in it again. I tucked it under my arm and started towards my closet. The box sat on the very top shelf in the back. When I put it there I never wanted to see it again, but Esme refused to let me throw them away. I gulped hard and was suddenly very aware of the three chains hanging around my neck. I could almost feel my heartbeat against them.

I reached up and grabbed the box, pushing everything else aside. I set it down on my bed and hesitated as I opened the top. The medals caught the sunlight a little, throwing beams of light into my eyes. I leaned forward and picked up a few. I hadn't really understood why I'd gotten them. I wasn't as brave or courageous as they made me out to be. The complete opposite actually. The whole crash was my fault. I didn't feel like I should be awarded a medal for that.

My uniform sat underneath them, and beneath that all of my old shirts and pants. It was like someone had puked camo and army green in the box. It was almost like I'd packed almost everything that reminded me of it in this box. I still kept the chains around my neck and I still had no idea how that damn shirt made its way into my drawer, but that was it. Everything else was in here. Letters, clothing, reminders. They were still just as hard to look at now, but for once I wasn't trying to hide them. This was my past and I had to stop acting like I could actually hide it away in a box.

I threw the journal on top and closed the box. I picked it up and headed downstairs.

"Esme! I've got to get going. Bella gets out of school in ten minutes."

She appeared from the kitchen and opened up the door for me.

"It was nice to see you honey."

"You too." I leaned down and kissed her cheek. "And thank you."

She nodded as I started down the stairs. I opened the back door and stuck it inside before I got into the front and hurried off. I was probably already going to be a few minutes late.

The parking lot was almost empty when I got there. I guess when that last bell rang the kids were anxious as ever to get the hell out of there. I know I always was. I scanned the front of the school for her. For a moment I almost thought she'd gotten a ride home from Alice, but then I saw her. I sped up and parked against the curb, slamming the car door as I ran to her.

"Come on Bella, he's not coming. I told you I can give you a ride…" James said.

"Go away. He's just late." Her foot tapped anxiously against the pavement as her eyes looked around. She was nervous. She finally spotted me and her entire frame softened. "See." She nodded towards me.

"Sorry I'm late." I glanced at James. He was smiling.

"It's okay."

"No it's not."

She started towards the car and I stared at James a moment longer before I followed her. Something irked me about that guy, besides the obvious. I didn't like him spending time with Bella.

"I'm sorry I'm late again," I said, getting into the car.

"It's fine Edward don't worry about it."

"I don't like that guy Bella. You shouldn't have to be alone with him."

"What?" She raised her eyebrow and leaned over. "You want to protect me from him or something?"

I resisted the urge to lean forward and kiss her. She was so close, but I had a feeling James was still watching. And that was one person I didn't want to know about Bella and me. Especially not before Charlie knew. I just had a feeling he'd use it his advantage.

"It's my job to protect you Bella," I said softly.

"I know." She glanced down at my lips. She blinked several times and shook her head smiling. "So where were you?"

"I picked up a few things from my parent's house." I nodded into the backseat.

"What's in there?" She asked, looking back at the box.

"My past." I kept my eyes fixed on the road.

We were silent the rest of the way. I pulled in and we started back to my house. Charlie wouldn't be home for a few hours and I'm sure she had homework again. Hopefully this time she'll actually do her homework and not have to hurry to finish it the next morning.

She sat in her usual spot, sprawled out across my bed. I sat down in my chair and casually opened the box. I didn't notice her watching me. I grabbed the medals and set them down on the table beside me. I pulled out all of my clothes and laid them on my lap. The bottom of the box was littered with papers, envelopes, and letters. I reached down and picked up one of them. It was from Carlisle, right after the accident.

_Dear Son,_

_ I'm so very sorry to hear of your friends but am grateful that you're alright. We've been told you're resting comfortably in the hospital at the base and that as soon as you're well enough they'll be sending you home to us. They've also granted Emmett leave to travel with you. Stay strong Edward. We're so very proud of you._

_ Carlisle_

I set the letter down and all the feelings and emotions I'd felt the first time I'd read it came rushing back to me. I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. My chest ached and I felt myself start gasping for air.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was far away. I suddenly felt her hands on my face. "Edward what's wrong?" She finally crawled onto my lap and grabbed hold of my shoulders, shaking me hard. "Edward?"

I finally snapped out of it and glanced up at her. Her eyes were wide with worry as she searched my face for answers I finally wanted to tell her.

"I want to tell you….about it," I said softly. She let go of my shoulders and I knew instantly she realized what I meant.

"Okay."

"We were out on a patrol. It was the middle of the night." I shook my head as I remembered everything. Every detail. Every smell. Every feeling. "Felix and Demetri were sitting in the front seat and I was in the back, keeping an eye on things. They were talking to themselves and I…got bored. We hadn't seen anything the past week we'd been out there. I was exhausted and dirty. I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep until it hit." I ran my fingers through my hair and saw the tears starting to form in her eyes. "There was a loud sound. And then my whole body was jilted. Thrown. I landed hard against the ground and could feel the…intense heat from behind me. When I turned around the whole truck was in flames. The last thing I remember was someone yelling out for help."

Bella took my hand, but didn't say anything.

"They said afterward that a car snuck up behind us and threw some kind of bomb or device at our car. I always thought maybe…if I hadn't fallen asleep…"

"Hey stop that," she whispered. "Edward you can't blame yourself. You were…in a war. Things happen. That could have happened whether you were asleep or not. It could have happened that night or it could have happened the next day somewhere completely different. It sucks and it's horrible, but it's not your fault." She shook her head. "It's not."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself close. I rested my forehead on her shoulder and sighed.

"I love you," she whispered as she kissed my neck.

"I love you too."

I started to relax a little under her touch. I tilted my face up and leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers. They were still for a moment before I felt her kissing me back. She ran her fingers up my back and tangled them into my hair. And for a moment I actually thought I might bypass my "waiting until she's eighteen" rule. I never wanted her more than I did then. And it was so much more than the whole physical aspect. I felt open and vulnerable to her right now. And the fact that she reacted the way she did just made me realize even more how amazing she was. I was a lucky fucking guy.

I started reaching for the hem of her shirt just as the door burst open. Bella froze jumped up, turning towards our visitor. I thought for sure it was Charlie. I thought for sure we were fucked. But I was wrong.

"Alice!" Bella sighed in relief. I turned my head and saw we had no reason to be relieved. Her eyes were red and puffy and she glared at me with such intensity I thought I was going to spontaneously combust.

"I hate you, you stupid bastard!" She screamed. She stomped over to me and slapped me clear across the face. I reached up and felt the burning sting left. It was no longer a mystery to me why she was angry with me. She knew.

**Bella**

"Alice what the hell are you doing?" I stepped in between her and Edward. I didn't understand how she could be so mad at him. I've never seen her like this.

"Shut up Bella! You have no idea what's going on here!" She started crying hysterically. "He took my life away from me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Jasper enlisted in the army today. Because of you!" She glared at Edward. "Why didn't you tell him no!? You gave him the damn number Edward!" She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

"Did you do that?" I turned towards Edward, my mouth dropping open.

"He asked me for it…" He explained. "I didn't tell him to enlist Bella, that was completely his decision."

I wasn't mad at him. This wasn't his fault. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't even Jasper's fault. I fully understood why she was upset. That's exactly how I felt inside when Edward first told me he was a soldier. But Edward didn't deserve this.

"Alice you're being ridiculous." I shook my head. "It was Jasper's choice, not Edward's."

"He never would have done it if he wasn't here!" She pointed at Edward.

"How can you say that!" I was starting to get angry. She had no right to act like this. "I remember Jasper's mom telling us that he was a G.I. Joe three times in a row for Halloween when he was little. And you may not know it but last year he went and met with a recruiter, but he didn't sign up because of you! So don't blame this on Edward. He may have inspired Jasper, but this was going to happen Alice. It was inevitable. Jasper was made to be a solider. It's who he is."

"You don't understand…" She cried.

"I don't understand? I know exactly what it's like to think of the man you're in love with in the line of fire. Risking their life for a stranger. Leaving you to go protect someone they don't even know. Having people actually wanting them dead. I know Alice! Don't you dare tell me I don't understand!"

"Alice…" Edward said softly. He got up out of the chair and walked over, bending down in front of her. "Sweetie we're just on reserve, it doesn't mean they're going to send us away…"

My brow furrowed in confusion. Did he just say we?

Alice started crying again and shook him away. She got up and left quickly. I heard her car door slam and she peeled out of the driveway.

I tried to think straight. Tried to tell my fingers to reach for my phone and call her. Tried to tell my feet to run after her. But my mind was fixed on that one word. We.

I crossed my arms and walked over to the bed. I sat down on the edge and rested my arms on my legs.

"Hey baby don't worry…" Edward came and sat beside me. "She just needs some time."

"You said we…" I whispered softly.

"What?"

I turned my head to face him. "You said we Edward. I didn't…I mean I thought you were done." My voice broke a little as I spoke.

"Well I mean they sent me back for me to recuperate more but I'm still technically enlisted Bella."

"So if they told you to go back then you would?" I stared back down at my hands, unable to focus.

"I'd have to." He grabbed my face and pulled me towards him. "If that happened and there was any other way, I'd take it. Because I don't ever want to be away from you. And I know I'm a pussy for admitting it, but going back is my worst nightmare. I don't want to go back. I want to stay here with you." He wrapped his arms around me when I started shaking. I couldn't stop that thought from creeping into my head. He could be taken away from me at any moment.

"Please don't leave me…" I whispered as I clung to him.

"I'm not leaving you Bella. I've been on reserve for over a year and I haven't even gotten a single phone call from them. It won't happen."

He seemed so sure. He believed it, I just didn't know if I did. Even if I did, I didn't know if it would shake this feeling. Just the idea that he could go back scares the shit out of me. I knew I was a hypocrite right now. I'd just criticized Alice for freaking out, but I didn't know I was in the same situation as she was.

"How much longer?"

"Six months more and I'm officially out."

That was six more months that I'd be a paranoid wreck, even if they never called. It would be six months of waiting every day for him to tell me that he was leaving. It was going to be constant worrying. And I already hated it. I hated being so dependent on him because it just reinforced my fear of being abandoned by people who tell me they love me. I didn't want him to become one of those people. He told me he wasn't one of those people.

"I have to find Alice…" I said mechanically, pulling away from him and walking towards the door.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" He started to get up.

"No."

"Okay."

"It's not that I don't want you too. I just think I should probably talk to her alone." I nodded and shuffled out the door. "Can you drive me though?"

He nodded and reached for his keys. We slowly got in his car and I reached for my phone to dial Alice's number. Straight to voicemail. Edward started up the car and started backing out. As soon as he started down the main driveway I spotted her car a little ways down the way, pulled to the side just before the gate.

"I'll just get out here." I reached for the handle and got out. Edward watched as I walked to her car.

She was sitting in the driver's seat, her knees pulled up to her chest. She was rocking back and forth, her face buried in her knees.

I walked around to the passenger's side and knocked lightly on the window.

She jumped a little but relaxed when she saw it was me. She leaned over and unlocked the car before going back to her position. I got in and shut the door, but I didn't say anything. I just waited for her to be ready.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm just…"

"Devastated," I said flatly, looking out the window. "I know the feeling."

"You didn't know Edward was still enlisted?"

I bit down on my lip and shook my head. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I really, truly understand what you're feeling right now. And honestly I probably would have done the same thing if the situation was reversed." I pulled my legs up onto the seat and turned towards her. "Have you talked to Jasper about it?"

"No. I told him I was proud of him. I wasn't lying, but I don't want him to see me like this Bella. I'm a mess."

I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the window. "You know Al, if Edward's taught me anything it's this. You need the person you love to see all the broken parts. It doesn't make them love you any less. It makes them see the real you. No glitz, no glamour. Just balls out broken. And if they still want you after that, then that shit's real."

"I just can't calm down enough to talk to him Bella. Talking about it to him just makes it all real. I'm not ready to lose him yet."

"It's real whether you talk about it or not." I knew that better than anyone. Honestly that should be a motto for my life. Just because you put a gallon of milk in a box doesn't mean it's not going to spoil in a few weeks.

She bent down and started rummaging in her purse. A few moments later she pulled out a box of cigarettes and quickly lit one. I noticed the cigarette was literally shaking in her hand. It eventually stopped shaking, calm as ever. It made me wish I had a joint to calm me down.

"You want one?" Alice asked.

"No." I shook my head. "I don't want those kind." I laughed.

"Lucky for you I just scored some last night." She reached over and opened her glove compartment. I sighed in relief when I saw the small bag sitting there waiting for me. I smiled and took it out. I remembered she kept some paper in the armrest so I took out a few pieces and rolled myself a joint.

"Can I borrow your lighter?"

She handed it to me and I lit it before I handed it back to her. I sat back and let the calm spread through me. I stretched my legs out across Alice's lap and rested my arm behind my head.

"We've got us some amazing boys don't we?" She slapped my leg and laid her arms across them.

"Yeah," I said softly.

Alice jumped a little as her phone started ringing. She reached down and checked the caller i.d.

"It's Jasper." She smiled.

"Well that's my cue. I'll leave you to it and I'll see you tomorrow." I brought my joint with me, not caring that Edward would bitch at me for it when I got home. Charlie wouldn't be back for a few hours and I wasn't wasting it.

His car was parked back at his house. I didn't know exactly when he left us but he couldn't have waited long. Once he realized I was safe inside the gates he probably gave us some privacy. I bypassed his house and started for the trees. I walked slower than usual, just trying to maintain this calm feeling coursing through me. When I reached the trees I threw down my joint and continued inside.

"Are you going to put that out?" Edward said from behind me.

"I know. Only I can prevent forest fires. Smokey the Bear already told me." I crossed my arms and stopped walking. Edward walked to the smoking joint and put it out with his shoe.

"Why do you do that stuff Bella?"

"I don't know maybe because my boyfriend just told me there's a chance he could get sent away to a fucking war Edward."

"What do you want me to tell you? Just tell me!" He threw his hands up. "I didn't know I was going to meet you when I signed up Bella."

"That wouldn't have changed things…You still would have done it. It's who you are Edward. You're braver than you think you are. It's only part of the reason that I'm so in love with you. And it's the only reason it scares me to be." I looked around the forest, trying to find something to distract me.

"How about we don't worry about that unless it happens okay?"

"How can you not worry about it?"

He smiled and walked over to me. It scared me that he acted so nonchalant about all this. I reached out for him as soon as he was close enough, securing my fingers in his belt loops. He brought his hands up and softly caressed my face. "Because I have you," he said, his voice completely serious. "And that's all I see right now. You're all I see. Nothing else matters."

He leaned down and kissed me, tracing his fingers delicately down my jaw and my neck.

"Come for a walk with me," he whispered against my lips. I nodded and wrapped my arms around his waist as we started deeper into the forest, wishing that I was as sure about this whole thing as he was. But I guess one of us had to be the pessimist.

**A/N: A few ponderings for you:**

**First, raise your hand if you want to punch James in the weenie *raises hand***

**Second, do you think that Bella's new paranoia will affect their relationship?**

**Lastly, do you think Alice was justified in her reaction? What about Bella's reaction? Definitely a tough situation, I honestly don't know how I would react to it.**

**Let me know what you think about my ponderings, or just what you think in general. I love hearing from you guys and it definitely makes me more motivated to write, even when I'm incredibly busy. Thanks guys! XOXO  
**


	18. Life Support

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! LOVE! I just wanted to let you know I did create a little bit of a banner for this story. There will be a link posted on my profile. That being said, the whole photoshop thing is definitely not my forte. For those of you who are uber creative and like doing that stuff, if you want to make a banner or something for this story, or any of my stories for that matter I will gladly put a link to it on my profile or maybe even use it for a Twilighted banner if I ever get all my stories on there. Just send it to me in a PM. I'd love to see them!**

**Edward**

It'd been a week since Alice burst in on us, and I can't say it's been the best week. That whole "I love you" elephant in the room is now being blown out of the water by the "Edward is still enlisted" elephant. And this is one fat ass elephant. Bella tries to hide it, but I can see it in her eyes. She's terrified. Which is the entire reason I didn't want to tell her in the first place. The entire reason I kind of lied about them not contacting me for a while. They call in every once in awhile to get updates from me and my progress. It was no secret that the accident took a toll on me emotionally so I knew they were giving me time before even thinking about sending me back. It wasn't a luxury they afforded most but for some reason they thankfully did with me.

I wasn't lying to Bella when I said I didn't want to go back. It didn't have anything to do with me being scared to be a soldier. I enlisted. I was fully trained. I know how to do my job. But I know what going back to war means. It means I'll have to face all those demons again. It means leaving the one thing that has meaning in my life right now. It means losing everything I've worked so hard for these past few months. I had no problem being a soldier. It was everything else about it that scared the shit out of me. Plain and simple it was my worst nightmare to go back there.

Bella hadn't necessarily pulled away from me since it happened. It was just that look on her face that was tearing me apart. I promised her I'd never let her down, never leave her. And now she's facing that possibility even though it may never happen. That's her new reality that I never wanted her to have. I honestly didn't think she'd ever find out. And that may have been a fucking douche move not to tell her, but this is what I was trying to avoid.

"Good morning love," I said, snuggling close to her. I knew it wasn't a good morning for her. If last night was anything like any other night this week she didn't sleep. She rolled towards me and forced a smile. The dark circles under her bloodshot eyes proved me right. I was almost tempted to slip her some cold medicine last night just so she could sleep. "You stayed up all night again…" I whispered, tracing my finger down her jaw.

"No I didn't," she lied and buried her face into my chest.

"We don't have to go for our run today. Why don't you sleep a little longer?" I edged.

"No I want to go." She pulled away and got up, mechanically walking towards my door. "I'll meet you in five minutes," she said softly as she walked out.

I nodded and smiled, my face returning to stone the instant the door closed. I hated that I was doing this to her.

I got up and pulled a shirt on before walking outside. I stretched my arms above my head and yawned as I waited for her.

"Good Morning Edward!" I jumped as Charlie waved to me from the driveway up the stairs.

"Hey Charlie!"

He smiled back at me so I assumed he hadn't seen her go in. Thank God. I sat down on my front step and buried my head in my hands, thinking over everything that had happened in the past week.

"Are you ready?" Bella said, suddenly in front of me.

"Yep."

We started off on our usual route. We were never ones to speak a lot while we ran but she was unusually quiet. I chanced a glance her way, but her eyes were straight ahead. Focused, but far away. Sometimes I wished that she would take me with her, to wherever she goes in her head. It drives me crazy not knowing what's going on in it.

We finally burst into the meadow and she slowed her stride. She started pacing back and forth with her hands on her hips. I bent over and rested my hands on my knees as I panted, the sweat beads ran into my eyes and hurt like hell.

"Let's get going…" Bella said, her breathing barely back to normal. She started past me.

"No. Hey…" I grabbed onto her arm and pulled her back. "Wait a minute." She stopped in front of me and looked down at the ground. "Talk to me. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing." She shook her head.

"Bullshit. Why can't you talk to me about it?"

She bit down on her lip and diverted her eyes to anything but mine. I reached out and grabbed her face, forcing her to look at me.

"Because it scares me okay!" She screamed. "Ever since you told me that you might have to leave, I've been going crazy. I stay up all night because I'm terrified I'm going to wake up and you're not going to be there! Do you have any idea what that feels like?" She wiped away the tears starting to from the corners of her eyes. "I just…I know it took me a long time to tell you, but I've been so in love with you for so long it physically hurts me to think of you leaving me. And I know that's stupid and selfish but I'm not ashamed to be stupid and selfish about this Edward. I want you here with me, not anywhere else in the world, not with anyone else." She looked directly into my eyes. "With me."

"Baby I'm always with you." I pulled her close. She clung tightly onto my t-shirt as I rubbed up and down her back. "And there's no one else in the world I would rather be with than you. So wherever I am, I'm always going to be wishing I was back here. Right in this moment. With you." I leaned down and kissed her neck.

"Geez I feel like we just had a RomCom moment…" She laughed a little.

"What the hell is a RomCom?"

"Romantic Comedy."

"A chick flick," I sighed.

"Yes. I think we're allowed a few chick flick moments after everything we've been through."

"I agree. Just don't tell Emmett I said that." I laughed and loosened my hold on her. She grabbed my hand and we started walking slowly back to the house. She leaned her head against my arm as we walked, yawning every so often.

"I need to go get ready for school." She let go of me and started towards the house.

"Hold on. I will…allow you to skip school today if you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Will you please just…go to sleep? Take a nap for a little bit? You're exhausted."

She smiled and sauntered back in my direction. "As long as I can sleep in your bed," she whispered.

"Done." I slung my arm around her shoulder and led her back into my house. I could already tell she was relaxing a bit just getting that off her chest. I don't care if she has to yell at me everyday for the rest of our lives as long as it makes her feel better. I mean I would prefer her not to, but I'll deal with it.

"Am I allowed to take a shower first? I don't want to stink up your bed…" She laughed.

"Yes. But right after. Straight to bed."

"I love it when you talk dirty," she laughed as another yawn escaped her mouth. She disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. It creaked open a crack, just a sliver of light seeping through. The shower turned on a few moments later.

I sat down at my desk and pulled out my journal. I'd been writing in it again. Everyday while Bella was at school. I still jotted down random thoughts about my past, or things I was dealing with. But most of it was about her. How I loved her, how she changed me. It was only so much that I could put into words, because as cliché as it sounds there was no way I could write Bella down on a piece of paper. She was too beautiful, too stubborn, too remarkable. Nothing I ever wrote would do her justice. It just wouldn't be enough.

I hadn't even heard the water shut off until she called my name.

"Edward!"

"Yeah," I said, closing my notebook and tucking it back in its drawer.

"Can you grab me some clothes to wear?"

"You didn't bring any did you?"

"No just give me some of yours."

I laughed quietly to myself. "You know they're going to be huge on you?"

"Yeah. That's how I like it. Now throw me a pair of your underwear and a t-shirt!" She yelled.

"I'm not giving you my underwear!"

"Yes. Just those navy blue boxer-briefs! They'll be perfect. Thanks!" She didn't even wait for me to respond.

"Fine." I walked over to open my top drawer and started sifting through. I found what she was looking for and tossed them in the bathroom.

"What t-shirt do you want?" I bent down and rummaged through my bottom drawer. "I've got some band t-shirts….or just some regular ones…"

"I'll pick it out," she said from beside me. Her hands replaced mine in the drawer as she filtered through my shirts. I eyed her from the corner of my eye and nearly passed out on the spot. She had my boxer-briefs on and she was right. They were perfect. She held her towel in front of her as she looked, barely covering up her chest.

"I want this one." She smiled and took one from the pile. I didn't even see which one it was, I was so mesmerized by her walking back to the bathroom. As soon as she was inside she dropped the towel to the floor and I sat frozen. Her wet hair clung tightly to her bare back, sticking desperately to the skin. She grabbed the t-shirt and reached her arms up to put it on. As she turned, I got a small glimpse of the curve of her breast. I almost think the small glimpse is sexier than anything else because I've never wanted her more than in that moment. I bit my lip as the t-shirt floated down over her, covering up that small freckle on her side.

I cleared my throat and stood up, feeling all the blood rush back down to my legs.

She turned and walked out of the bathroom, wearing my Army shirt.

"Is this okay?" She stopped and grabbed at the shirt. "That I'm wearing this?"

"Yeah it's fine." I managed a smile. "You look good in it." It didn't bother me. I mean I did go get all of my clothes from my closet at home, did I expect not to see them? I guess it just caught me off guard.

She smiled and walked over to the bed. She pulled the sheets back and hopped in, patting the spot next to her.

"Come take a nap with me…"

I sighed and went to join her. In all honesty I was tired as fuck. I didn't sleep much last night either. I kept watching her to see if she would fall asleep. Everytime I thought she had I'd see her eyes flutter open so I'd wait some more. Sleep never found her, so it never found me. It was a vicious cycle.

She pulled the covers over our heads and laughed as she snuggled closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her and smiled at how good she smelled. Her hair was still damp but I didn't care, I just wanted her close.

"How come you're never scared of anything Edward?" She whispered. She pulled back a little and looked up at me.

"I'm scared all the time."

"No you're not. I mean look at me. I was a complete mess earlier about something that hasn't even happened. How can you keep it together knowing that your future is so uncertain? I've never known that kind of control over my emotions."

"I just do a better job of hiding it…most of the time. You've seen me vulnerable Bella, don't act like I'm made of steel. I'm not. I just have this habit of keeping it all inside." I thought back to the night of the benefit and how I'd reacted.

She pressed her forehead to mine and sighed. "You're the bravest person I've ever known…" She whispered, her eyes fluttering shut. I watched as her shoulders slowly heaved up and down in a rhythmic slumber. I reached out and touched her lips, lightly brushing my fingers along them.

She was wrong. She was the bravest person I knew. Sure I put myself out there physically, but the things she's overcome would be impossible for anyone else. Even me. I wish I had half of the courage this girl possessed.

I sat and watched her until sleep finally overcame me. I felt like it'd only been an instant when my phone started ringing. I shot up out of bed and rubbed at my eyes. It was almost 4 in the afternoon. We'd slept the whole day away.

Bella stirred a little next to me and eventually slowly opened her eyes as I reached for my phone.

"Hey Carlisle, what's up?"

"Edward." His tone was serious. "Felix's family…wanted me to call you. They're doing it today son. They thought you might want to come up and say goodbye."

My heart instantly sank. I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat but it was no use. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I could only feel. And it was the worst kind of feeling. Pain.

**Bella**

I haven't slept that good all week. And to be honest I was pissed at him for bugging me about it in the meadow, but I knew I couldn't keep it up any longer. I couldn't hide it from him. He probably already knew, but I had to say it out loud.

I was still smiling when I woke up, simply from pure ecstasy.

"Hey Carlisle, what's up?" Edward said. I finally looked over at him and I knew something was wrong. I could hear Carlisle talking on the other end, but it was all mumbled. I watched as Edward's eyes widened a bit. His mouth formed into a hard line as he quickly hung the phone with no other words spoken. He quickly jumped out of bed and started putting his shoes on.

"I have to go," he said quickly.

"Wait!" I jumped out of bed as he started towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go to the hospital."

A wide range of terrifying images shot through my mind in those few short moments. Emmett. Esme. Rosalie….Charlie.

"It's Felix Bella."

I've never been so relieved and so heartbroken at the same time.

"Okay. Just wait. I'll go with you." I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the car.

"Wait…" He protested.

"No Edward I'm going with you. You're not going alone."

"No I just mean I think you should change." He glanced down at my clothes with a cold expression on his face.

"Okay. Just give me…two seconds." I ran into the house and up the stairs faster than I ever had. I didn't want to leave him alone right now. I didn't bother taking any of his clothes off. I pulled on a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans before slipping some sneakers on and heading out the door.

He was leaned against his car, fidgeting nervously with his hands.

"I'll drive," I said, holding my hand out for his keys. I was surprised when he didn't protest. He handed them over to me willingly and slowly walked around to the passenger's seat.

I didn't know if I driver faster or slower than usual. I didn't know how much time we had, but the look on Edward's face told me he needed more time to deal with this before he came face to face with it. Wasn't that always the problem? Always rushing to get to the heartache. Not ready to accept it, but still running full speed ahead so you don't miss it. It was a hard balance to find.

He didn't say anything as we pulled into the hospital. I parked the car and waited for him to make the first move. I didn't want to push him. I couldn't even imagine how hard this was for him. And I knew he wasn't even showing me half of it.

He finally reached for the door handle so I quickly got out and met him around at his side. I didn't care who was watching. I took his hand as we walked inside, sneaking a few glances at him as we went. He looked like he was clenching his jaw so tightly that his teeth were going to bust. I just held onto his hand tighter and wished I could make it go away. The terrible thing was that the worst part was still coming. I would have done anything to protect him from that. But this was something I couldn't protect him from even if I died trying.

There was a flurry of people as we walked in. I wasn't sure where the ICU was and I didn't want to ask Edward so I pulled us towards the kiosk.

"Excuse me where is the ICU?"

A short brunette woman looked up from her paperwork and looked us over. "Do you have family in there?"

"No."

"Only family's allowed." She started back on her paperwork.

I felt the anger rising up inside me as I leaned forward. "Listen ducky. We're getting in there whether you like it or not. So tell me where it fucking is or I'll take that pen and shove it up your ass."

Edward didn't flinch, but her eyes widened as she reached for her phone.

"Yes I need security down at the front desk…" she said quickly.

I was about to leap over the counter when I heard the voice of our savior.

"Edward. Bella. This way." Carlisle appeared in the hallway and waved us over. I glared at the woman at the desk as I pulled Edward towards Carlisle. "Bitch," I whispered under my breath.

Carlisle led us down the hallway and through doors marked with "Restricted" in bright red letters. I heard it again. The beeping. It had a lot more significance now than the last time we were here. It truly was a ticking clock. Counting down the last breaths. I tried to hold back my tears.

A small group of people were standing at the end of the hallway, crying and embracing. I assumed it was his family. A slender blonde woman started sobbing as soon as she saw Edward. She ran towards him and wrapped him up in her arms, almost breaking our hands apart.

"We're waiting for you Edward….we know he'd want you here."

Edward stiffly put his arm around her. "I'm sorry Mrs. Smith."

"He's ready for you honey." She sniffled and stepped back. "We're going to go get some coffee and spend a little time in the chapel. You take your time okay?"

Edward nodded and watched as the small group dispersed, all of them glancing our way before they left. I watched Edward the entire time we took our steps down the hallway. They were small and uncertain, but deliberate in their destination. I avoided looking in the room when we reached the door.

"I'll give you some privacy okay?" I softly let go of his hand and waited.

He hesitated a few moments outside of the room before he slowly pushed the door open and walked inside. I sighed deeply and leaned my head back against the wall.

"Bella?" Carlisle said.

I offered him a small, polite smile.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"Being here for my son. I know it means a lot to him."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

He nodded and started towards the nurse's station. It was pretty quiet here now. I listened for any noise inside but there was nothing. No mumbling, no talking. Nothing. I sat there for ten straight minutes listening to complete silence.

I finally got up and peaked through the slats of the blinds. Edward sat in the chair next to the bed, his hand resting on his chin. His eyes were staring straight ahead at the form in the bed, never moving. I could see the glistening tears on his cheeks from way over here.

I took a deep breath and inched open the door.

"Can I meet him?"

Edward nodded slightly, moving his hands over his eyes. I walked cautiously into the room and finally saw the figure lying in the bed. I always knew that he was young, but it didn't hit me until right then. This could have been Edward. He looked so peaceful, almost like he was sleeping, except for all the tubes connected to him.

"Hello Felix," I said softly. "My name's Bella. Edward's told me a lot about you." I walked over and sat on Edward's lap as I took Felix's hand. "You know he's doing so great Felix. He's grown so much since he got back. And he's completely changed my life. I wanted you to know that. Because I'm pretty sure you're one of the only other people who knows how incredibly special he is." I sighed and looked towards Edward. He was watching me intently. "And I'm sure you know he blames himself…for all this. But I've told him it's not his fault. I know I don't know you, but I know you don't blame him. He just loves you a lot and he misses you like crazy. Thank you for being such a good friend to him, because I'm sure he wouldn't be the person he is today without you. And for that I owe you my entire world." I softly set his hand back down and leaned into Edward. His hands slowly snaked around my waist as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"What did I do?"

"You told him everything that I couldn't."

I smiled and wiped a tear from his eye. "Love you."

"I love you." He hugged me tighter and turned his eyes back to Felix.

I stood up and started towards the door, wanting to leave him alone to say his goodbye.

"It was nice to meet you Felix." I nodded towards him and started to leave the room. I heard Edward get up behind me and I paused in the doorway, turning back to watch him. He slowly got up out of his chair and grabbed Felix's hand. He inched in closer and whispered something in his ear. He backed up and with one last look at Felix, started my way. I took his hand and led him out to the hallway.

Felix's family was standing by the nurse's station talking quietly with some doctors and nurses. His mother looked up and nodded at us, a sudden agony spreading across her face when she realized what came next. The man standing next to her grabbed her hand and led her into the room. A doctor and nurse followed shortly after, closing the door behind them.

The entire room was eerily silent as the rest of us waited, listening intently to that small beep coming from the room. Over the next several minutes there was some movement inside and then the beeping slowly but surely starting slowing. It got so slow that I wasn't even sure it was still going. And then it did. One more time before the long, drawn out siren wailed out. It was over.

I turned my eyes to Edward to see his reaction. He was biting so hard on his lip that I noticed a small drip of blood coming from his mouth.

"Baby…" I grabbed his face and turned it towards me. "Just relax for a minute okay?" He stared straight ahead over my shoulder, as I tried to nudge his teeth open. He finally let up and I quickly wiped away the blood on my sleeve. "Don't do that okay? Just hold my hand. You can squeeze it as hard as you want to. I just don't want you to hurt yourself." I leaned forward and kissed his cheek as his hand tightened around mine. "Do you want to stay longer or are you ready to go?" I said softly.

He didn't answer, he just stood up, still grasping desperately onto my hand. I nodded towards Felix's family as we passed.

I didn't bother looking at the bitch secretary as we made our way out to the parking lot. It was almost empty, except for a few cars at the other side of the parking lot and a van next to our car. I stopped us in front of the car and took both of his hands. Just as I was about to say something to him something moved out of the corner of my eye.

I turned my head just as a short man ran towards us. He was mumbling quickly to himself as he pulled out a small notepad.

"Excuse me are you Edward Cullen?" He asked.

"Yes," Edward said softly.

"It's him!" The man shouted behind him. The next thing I knew there was a large flash, blinding me for a few moments.

"My name is Tate Sanderson, Seattle Times. We've gotten word that local war hero Felix Smith was taken off life support. Is this true and how do you feel about his passing?"

Edward let go of my hands and took a step towards the reporter.

"Can't you have a little respect?" I shouted at him, trying to get between him and Edward. Edward gently pushed me out of the way and got within an inch of the man's face.

"Felix was my friend," he said slowly.

"Alright wonderful. Can we get a comment?" The man smiled and edged further.

"You want a fucking comment?" I gasped as Edward pushed the man so hard he knocked into the photographer and both crashed to the ground.

"Edward!" I screamed. The photographer stood back up and brushed himself off. I didn't realize until then how large of a man he was.

"Please sir! Please!" I threw myself between Edward and him. He grabbed firm hold of my shoulders and tried to push me out of the way. I tried desperately to hold my ground but I couldn't against the pressure. I tumbled to the ground, landing on my hands and knees.

"Touch her again and I'll kill you!" Edward charged at the man and tackled him. I rolled away from them as they wrestled on the ground. The man pinned Edward and raised his fist back, planting a solid blow to Edward's cheek.

"Someone help!" I screamed the tears starting to stream down my face. "Someone!"

A security guard started dashing out of the darkness. He reached down and said something into his radio as he reached us. He grabbed the man's shoulders and pulled him back.

"Security! I order you to stop! The police are on their way!" The photographer finally eased up and I ran to Edward. There was a gash on his cheek and blood was dripping slowly down his face.

"Hey. Look at me. Are you okay?" I tried to force the tears to stop. Edward slowly sat up and looked around. I could hear the sirens in the background and wondered if Charlie would show up. I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

"He started it!" The reporter shouted, pointing at Edward.

Two police cars pulled into the parking lot and I quickly recognized the two officers. Neither of them were Charlie.

"What have we got here?" Deputy Mark said.

"I just pulled this guy off of this other guy. I don't know what started it," the security guard offered.

"I started it," Edward said.

"No." I shook my head. "No please these men were harassing us," I protested.

"Bella?" Deputy Mark asked.

"Yes please. It wasn't Edward's fault. Please."

His eyes glanced between all of us. "Sir you admit that you started this incident?"

"Yes." Edward spit some blood out of his mouth.

Deputy Mark sighed. "I'm sorry Bella. I'm going to have to take him in."

"No. No call Charlie. He'll tell you."

"I'm sorry." He turned towards Edward. "Sir I'm going to need you to stand and place your hands like so."

Edward followed his orders and I winced as they placed the handcuffs on him.

"Edward!" I cried.

"It's okay Bella. Just go home."

Deputy Mark led him to his car and put him in the back seat.

"Deputy Steve, can you please take everyone's statement while I book him?"

"Sure thing, Mark." Deputy Steve pulled out a notepad and started our way as Mark got in his car and took Edward away.

"You want my statement?" I started towards Edward's car. "Fuck you."

**A/N: That chapter was intense. You know what else in intense? Camping. Went in a totally different path than I was intending when this one first started out but I loved how it turned out. I kinda liked how we got to see the volatile part of Edward's personality. It doesn't show up much but when it does it's always in a big way. Leave me a review and let me know what you think. : )**


	19. The Edge

**A/N: I shall try to keep this brief.**

**First of all I got my first piece of art from you guys and its amazing. I've added it to the Flickr account and the link for the album is still in my profile. Check it out.**

**Secondly, I was scanning through my playlist and realized for some reason I forgot a shit ton of songs so I have therefore added a lot. Just an FYI.**

**Lastly, I would like to do a shoutout to kharizzmatik, author of my favorite story of all time Emancipation Proclamation. I know there are some shenanigans going on but I just want you to know that as a reader and a fellow author I support you fully and I think you're thee shit.**

**Bella**

I pushed my foot down as far as it would go as I sped down the road towards the police station. Edward was crazy if he thought I was going to go home and let him face Charlie alone. I quickly caught up to the police car and I could see Edward's outline in the backseat. He was completely still.

I followed them as they pulled into the station. I saw my dad's cruiser parked out front. I was almost thankful he was here. Maybe he could sort out this mess.

I parked my car next to his and tried to race inside before they brought Edward in. I thought a little bit of warning might be helpful

"Dad!" I yelled as I ran inside. The secretary looked at me like I was out of my mind as I ran past her and towards Charlie's office. "Dad!" I pushed open the door and stopped. He was sitting casually at his desk typing away at his computer. When he saw me he pushed back from his desk and stood up, an intense look of concern spreading across his face.

"Bella?" He rounded his desk. "Is everything okay? What are you doing here?"

"It's Edward!" I cried.

"Edward?" His brow furrowed in confusion. Before I could explain any further voices outside stopped me.

"Please state your full name," a monotone voice said.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," Edward replied.

"What the hell?" Charlie yelled, pushing past me and out into the front room.

I followed close behind him and cringed when I saw Edward standing at the counter. He was still in handcuffs and the blood on his cheek had dried slightly. The deputy led him behind the counter and in front of a camera, instructing him to turn left and right.

"Someone tell me what is going on here! Right now!" Charlie stomped his foot and the entire office fell silent.

"That altercation at the hospital? This is the guy." The deputy nodded to Edward.

"That's my bodyguard!"

"Oh." The deputy's face fell.

"Are you sure? I mean do we have statements from everyone who was there? This has to be a mistake."

"No mistake sir," Deputy Mark pushed the door open. He was followed by the reporter and the photographer. "We've got a statement from these two men, Mr. Cullen, and your daughter."

Charlie turned around and glared at me. "And what was my daughter's statement?"

Deputy Mark cleared his throat and flipped open his pad of paper. "Uh…fuck you sir."

"What?"

"Her statement was…quote…fuck you." He nervously closed his notebook and tapped his foot.

"Bella in my office now!" Charlie yelled.

I started to argue but he got that look in his eye. The one that almost looks like he could pop a blood vessel at any moment. The look where that vein right down the middle of his forehead became an extremely prominent feature on his head.

"Okay," I said softly. I turned around and went back to sit in his office.

"Just….hold off on everything okay?" Charlie said. "Let me just talk to Bella for a minute."

He stomped back into his office and closed the door behind him. The only sound in the room was the thud of his boots against the floor and his heavy breathing.

"Well. Let's hear it."

"Okay first of all. This is not Edward's fault," I said very slowly.

"Okay who's fault is it?"

"That asshole reporter."

"Hey!" He scolded as he sat down in his chair. It squeaked as he leaned back. "Start it from the beginning."

"Okay. I know you know about Edward's past. And something really….really bad happened today."

He folded his arms and waited for more.

"Felix Smith died today Dad. That's why we were at the hospital. Edward got a call from Carlisle and he was too upset to drive himself so I offered to drive him. We were leaving right after and that reporter got in Edward's face asking him about Felix."

"That doesn't give Edward the right to assault someone Bella!"

"You have no idea what he's going through right now!"

"Oh and you do?" Charlie kinked an eyebrow.

"He tells me stuff Dad. I told you we were friends." I shrugged my shoulders, trying to make it seem casual.

"Okay so he hits the reporter….what happened next?"

"Well when the reporter fell he knocked into that big photographer out there. And he of course got pissed so I tried to step between him and Edward. And then he knocked me to the ground and Edward was just trying to protect me so they…tussled a little. And then Edward got pinned down on the ground and the guy was just wailing on him." I tried to fight back the tears, remembering what I felt at that moment. "And I yelled for help because I couldn't do anything, and that's when the security guard ran over."

"That's everything?" Charlie asked.

"Yes. Can't you help him?"

"I don't know Bella. I'll see what I can do." He stood up and walked towards the door.

Everyone was in the same place as we'd left them and they were all staring at us, waiting anxiously for the verdict.

"You. Sasquatch." Charlie pointed to the photographer. "You're under arrest. You touch my daughter you spend the night in jail. Cuff him." He ignored the man's protest and turned to the reporter. "Are you going to press charges against Mr. Cullen?"

"Hell yes I am," the reporter said.

Charlie sighed and put his hands on his hips. "Bella I'm sorry. I'm going to have to at least keep him overnight or until someone posts his bail. Now I'll try to get him to drop the charges but I can't force him. I want you to go home, pick up Alice along the way so you aren't alone. Set the alarm and just stay inside."

"But Dad," I protested.

"No. No buts. Go home."

I sighed and started towards the door, glancing briefly at Edward before I walked out. His eyes were down at the floor, his shoulders sunk forward. He looked so broken. It took all I had not to run over and try to comfort him.

I quickly go into the car and reached for the phone to call Alice.

"B," She answered.

"Alice," I started to cry again.

"Oh no. Honey what's wrong?"

"Edward got arrested."

"What?" She shrieked.

"It's a long story. Look can you come stay with me tonight?"

"Of course."

"Okay I'm on my way," I sniffled and hung up the phone before dialing the number for information. I'd never called before so I didn't know the number.

"This is information, how can I direct your call."

"Doctor Carlisle Cullen please."

"Home or office?"

"Home."

"One moment please." The line went silent and then started ringing again.

"Hello?" Emmett said.

"Emmett it's Bella."

"Hey Little Swan, what's up?"

"Listen I think your dad is still at work but he needs to get down to the police station."

"Why?"

"Because if he doesn't bail Edward out he's going to spend the night in a jail cell."

"Shit. What the hell happened?"

"It doesn't matter. Listen Emmett can you please just….call him? My dad was going to see what he could do but I don't want to chance it."

"Yeah sure thing."

"Thanks. Bye."

I hung up as I pulled into Alice's driveway. Jasper's car was sitting out in front so I assumed he was joining us for the evening. As soon as I put the car in park they were both running outside. Alice jumped into my car and threw her bag in the backseat. I guess Jasper was following us there.

"What the craphole is going on?" She said.

"Just a clusterfuck of bad. I don't even know where to start."

"Okay. Well don't worry, it'll be alright." She reached over and grabbed my hand. We drove quickly to my house and as soon as Jasper's car was inside I shut the gate and turned the alarm on, just like Charlie said.

"I'll make some coffee," Jasper said as we walked into the house. He disappeared into the kitchen.

I sat down in the big chair and pulled my knees up to my chest. I was a nervous wreck to say the least. I didn't want him to spend the night in jail. I needed him here with me. I know he needs me. My eyes glanced anxiously out the window every few moments as I chewed on my nails, hoping that I'd see some headlights coming up the drive. I knew if he got out it wouldn't be for a long time now. And even if he did would Charlie let him back here? I mean sure he understood but was this too much. I thought I'd covered well, but this is starting to get out of control. We need to tell him soon. My birthday was in three days. Maybe we should wait until then, just in case. I don't want to miss out on my time with Edward.

Jasper brought us all a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch with Alice. I told them the entire story, everything from what happened this morning to now. Jasper was very reactive to everything I told them, always asking questions. Alice was unusually quiet after I told them about Felix. I realized after the fact it probably wasn't something she wanted to hear after her breakdown about Jasper enlisting.

"When's the funeral," Jasper said. "I know I didn't know him, but I'd like to go. For Edward at least."

"I'm not sure. They didn't really say. I'm sure it'll be in the paper tomorrow." I shrugged and took a sip from my coffee. I glanced up at the clock and was surprised to see how late it was. I guess getting arrested takes up a large chunk of your day. Who knew? "I can make us something to eat."

"No you sit," Jasper said as he stood up. "You two relax. I will make you the most amazing dinner ever."

He smiled and kissed me on the top of the head.

"You're going to make a good husband someday Jazz," I whispered.

"Only because I'll have the best wife," he winked.

"You best be talking about me honey!" Alice teased.

Jasper laughed and started towards the kitchen. I heard some pots and pans clanging around and some water running. He started humming to himself as I continued my vigil by the window.

"Stop it," Alice said. She came over and forced herself onto my lap.

"Stop what?"

"Stop worrying. Charlie will take care of it." She put her arms around my shoulders.

"I know it's just…Edward was not having the best day. After Felix…died, Edward changed. He was different. The Edward I know wouldn't have let it get that far with the reporter. He would have just said his peace and walked away. It was like it wasn't even him. Or it was a part hidden so deep inside him that I'd never seen it before. It kind of scared me."

She smiled slightly and hugged me tighter. We sat in silence for the longest time listening to Jasper cook out in the other room. I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. I didn't realize I was still so utterly exhausted. I guess it'd been a really trying day, but I had slept most of it away.

I finally let my eyes droop to a close and a moment later I was engulfed in darkness. I reached out in front of me and tried to feel my way through the vast nothingness, but it was useless. It was just nothing.

And then suddenly there was wind. Something rough was brushing against my face and I threw my hands up to shield myself. I squinted into the darkness as a soft glow started to form in front of me.

"Bella?" Edward's voice called softly.

"Edward?" I reached out and started walking.

Something walked in between me and the light, casting a dark shadow. I reached out my hand again and started walking. My foot caught something and I tumbled to the ground. I turned around to see what I'd tripped on and froze when I saw a crumpled form. I crawled towards it and realized it was a soldier. He was dressed in camo and was completely still. I held my breath as I grabbed onto his shoulders and tried to pull him over.

"Edward!" I screamed, instantly realizing his face. Blood spatter dotted his face like some constellation in the night sky. "Edward!" I shook him with no response. I looked down and felt my heart sink when I saw the dark red stains across his stomach. "No, no, no, no…" I whispered, shaking my head back and forth. "Don't leave me! Please! No!" I clung to his lifeless body as I cried.

"Bella!" Alice shouted. I jolted awake and I was back in my living room. I reached my hand up to my cheek and felt the wetness of my tears. Jasper and Alice stood in front of, their eyes wide.

"What happened?"

"You were dreaming. I went out in the kitchen to help Jasper and the next thing I knew you're crying and screaming your head off. Are you okay?" Alice bent down in front of me and wiped a tear away.

I nodded quickly, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks in embarrassment.

"Are you sure?" Jasper said, wiping his hands on the apron he was wearing.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Well dinner's ready." He nodded towards the kitchen.

I managed a smile and got up, but I couldn't shake that image from my head. It was the scariest, most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. And I knew it was going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

The table was already set. There was a whole feast in front of us. Chicken, vegetables, salad, the works. Jasper pulled a chair out for Alice and then for me. It smelled amazing.

I listened to Alice and Jasper talk about their day, trying to inject some mumbles every now and then. I had no appetite, but I forced myself to eat. I didn't want to hurt Jasper's feelings. It was so nice of him to make all this for us.

Alice popped in a movie after dinner, trying to keep me occupied. Her and Jasper sprawled out across the couch and I idly watched the minutes tick by. It was almost eleven and I could tell they were both trying to stay awake for me. Jasper fell asleep first then Alice. I appreciated their efforts but I knew I wasn't sleeping tonight. Not in this house anyway.

I shut off the television and glanced over at Alice and Jasper one more time to make sure they were still asleep. I crept across the floor and shut off the alarm for the briefest moment so I could open the door. I reset it and quickly jogged outside towards Edward's house. His door was unlocked and everything was just the way we'd left it. I locked the door behind me and sighed.

I took off all my clothes, so I was just in Edward's like before. I crawled into bed and snuggled into his pillow happy just to find his smell. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard the slow squeak of someone trying to open the door. I held my breath, hoping I'd just imagined it. It rattled again and I was suddenly paralyzed with fear as I realized I wasn't alone.

**Edward**

I fucked up. I knew it. Even if I didn't know it, this throbbing pain in my cheek would have told me. I buried my head in my hands and shivered in the cold cell. I was the only one in here besides that photographer and it was driving me crazy. To say that there is awkward tension would be an understatement. It had to be close to ten. I wished I had my phone so I could at least call Bella. She was probably pissed. Or worried. Or both. I didn't give a shit about me right now, but she was a different story.

I could taste the blood again in my mouth so I spit again.

"Cullen." I jumped as someone tapped on the cell. I looked up and saw the asshole that arrested me earlier.

"Yeah."

"Get up. You've posted bail."

My brow furrowed in confusion. How the hell did I post bail? I shook my head and got up. I wasn't one to argue with someone who was letting me out of this damn cell.

I ran my fingers through my hair and followed the deputy out to the main room. I sighed when I saw Carlisle standing there talking to Charlie. I cleared my throat as I approached them and they both looked my way.

"Uh…" Charlie started. "I talked the photographer out of pressing charges if you replace the equipment that was damaged. Carlisle here paid your bail. Can I talk to you for a minute?" He scratched at his neck and nodded to the side. He glanced back at Carlisle before he spoke. "Listen," he said softly. "I understand that today was difficult for you. I get that. But I need you to be in more control over your emotions Edward. I'm looking past today for obvious reasons but please just understand this is not acceptable."

"Of course sir. I apologize." I nodded slowly and started to walk away.

"And Edward I really am sorry for your loss. He was a nice kid."

"Thank you sir." I started towards the door and Carlisle followed close behind me.

"Bella called you didn't she?" I said once we were in the car.

"No she called me." Emmett popped up front from the back seat. "I called him."

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him.

"You really think I'm going to miss the first time my little bro gets bailed out of jail? Esme should make a scrapbook page for this shit."

"It best be the last time I have to do this Edward." Carlisle narrowed his eyes at me.

I nodded.

"I'll drop you back at Charlie's then?" Carlisle didn't wait for an answer and turned out of the parking lot.

The entire way home Emmett grilled me about what it was like to be a criminal and if I found a special friend while I was in prison. He seemed to forget that I was only technically in jail, and it was only for a few hours. I've never been more relieved to get away from him. I practically jumped out of the car at the gate.

"Thank you Carlisle. For everything." I got out and closed the door. They quickly drove away and I down the driveway towards the house. It was completely dark and I wondered if she was asleep already. Knowing her stubborn ass she wasn't, but the house was unusually quiet. Almost too quiet.

I quickly typed in the keycode and was reminded of how close Bella's birthday really was. Just a few days away now.

As soon as the gate opened I was running down the driveway. The front door was locked so I pulled out my key and let myself in. I started up towards her room but I suddenly realized I wasn't alone.

"Gah!" I jumped as someone came up beside me.

"Edward. It's Jasper relax. She's not here man."

"What do you mean she's not here? Where is she?"

"My bet is that she's still in your house. She thought we were asleep and snuck out about a half hour ago. I watched her walk down there just to make sure she wasn't going to bust you out or anything." He scratched his head and looked back at the couch, where I'm sure Alice was sound asleep. "You okay man?"

"Yeah it wasn't that bad. The worst part was being stuck in there with the guy I tried to take out."

"I didn't mean the jail Edward." He shuffled his feet. "I meant…you know about Felix. Are you okay?"

To be completely honest, my mind had been so preoccupied I hadn't even thought of Felix since they handcuffed me. And I realized now I should have been thankful for that. The simple mention of his name opened the floodgates again. Pain. Guilt. Loss. Everything washed over me like a fucking wave. I almost wished I was back in that cell thinking that getting arrested was the worst of my problems.

"I'm…going to bed," I mumbled and started towards the door. "You guys can leave if you want."

"Nah. We'll just stay. I don't want to wake Alice up." He started back towards the couch as I walked out the door.

I was so tired I couldn't think. My face felt like someone had hit me with a block of concrete. My emotions were on a rollercoaster ride from hell. It was a shit night to say the least.

I reached for the door and was surprised to find it locked. I tried it again just to make sure I wasn't asleep. Good girl. It was definitely locked. I reached in my back pocket and took my keys out. I quietly opened the door and peaked my head inside. I squinted into the darkness as I stepped in and closed the door behind me. The bed was empty. Where the hell was she?

"Bella?" I called.

"Edward?" A dark figure popped up from the other side of the bed. She jumped across the bed and was in my arm in two bounds.

"What were you doing?" I whispered, wrapping my arms around her.

"I thought you were a burglar so I was hiding."

I knew I should laugh, but it just wouldn't go. I sighed and buried my face into her neck. "I missed you," I mumbled against her skin.

"I missed you too. You have no idea…" She tried to hold back a yawn and I felt terrible for making her stay up like this.

"Go back to bed."

"Are you coming?" She tilted her head up and rested her chin on my chest.

"In a minute." I managed a smile and started towards the bathroom. I sighed and pulled my shirt off, throwing it on the ground. I leaned in close to the mirror and assessed the damage to my face. There was a large gash across my cheek. It was starting to bruise all around it and there was blood dried all over it. My lips looked pretty beat up, but I was sure I'd done most of that at the hospital myself. I leaned forward more and winced as I gently pressed on my face. The three dog tags around my neck lurched forward and clanged against each other, almost as another reminder. It was like just my thoughts started to drift away from the pain of today something had to pop up and remind me. I set my elbows on the countertop and buried my face in my hands.

My eyes jolted open when I heard the water running in front of me.

"Here let me clean your face up a little," Bella said. She took a washcloth and ran it under the water. She forced her way in between the sink and me and pulled herself up on the countertop. "Let me see."

I placed my hands back down on either side of her and looked up.

"Are you in pain?" She said as she started dabbing at my cheek.

"My face doesn't hurt that bad."

She reached down and pressed her palm against my chest, right over my heart. "What about here?"

"Jury's still out."

She went back to cleaning my cheek. I tried not to wince as the cloth scraped over the gash, but it was almost impossible. I felt the tears forming in my eyes as I looked past Bella and into the mirror. I wasn't sure which pain it was from but I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating in my own anguish. I needed something, anything to take it away. I was willing to throw away almost everything for some relief.

I turned my eyes to Bella's and searched for that something. I knew it was in there somewhere. I just needed to find it. I fought back the tears and glanced down at her lips. I slowly leaned forward, stopping just enough before to keep them from touching. She dropped the washcloth on the ground and the only sound was our loud breathing.

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw as I leaned forward, pressing my forehead into hers. I was right there. At the edge. Ready to throw away any inhibitions or any conditions I'd had before. This was the release I needed. I needed to feel her. Now.

My eyes shot open and I pressed my lips to hers, not bothering with slow and romantic. This raw passion was everything I was feeling inside. I felt her resistance at first, but eventually her lips were moving against mine. I grabbed firmed hold of her thighs and roughly pushed myself closer to her. As she moaned into my mouth, I felt my grip tighten.

"I want you," I mumbled against her lips, gasping for breath. She ran her hands through my hair, grabbing fistfuls and pulling my face back to hers.

"Then take me…" She stared at me intently, her eyes hooded with lust. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I moved my hands south, picking her up and carrying her towards the bedroom. She reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. I ran my hands down her side and felt the indents of her ribs before settling on her hips.

I flopped us down on the bed and hovered over her as I brushed my lips down the middle of her chest. Her fingers ran through my hair, sending a shiver down my spine. I reached down and unbuckled my jeans. I stood up briefly to kick them off before returning to her. She was so beautiful. Her long hair was fanned out all around her and there was just enough moonlight streaking through the window that her skin was fucking glowing.

"Do you have….you know?" She asked, biting down on her lip as she reached for the hem of my boxers.

"Yeah," I said, my breath ragged. "I think I have some in the bathroom." I spun around and ran towards the bathroom. I threw open my bottom cabinet and started pulling out anything and everything that was in there. I finally found the box way at the back and thanked Emmett that he was a slimy perv for once in my life.

"I got it…" I yelled into the other room. I started back out there but stopped as soon as I saw her. She was turned away from me, her bare back in full view. She had the sheet pulled in front of her chest and her arms wrapped around her knees. I set myself down on the bed and crawled up behind her. I placed a soft kiss on her shoulder and nuzzled into her neck.

"I want to wait…" She mumbled.

"What? I thought…this was what you wanted."

She turned towards me and I could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"I do. I just…not like this Edward. This isn't the right time."

"When is the right time?" I sighed, my frustrations starting to mount.

"When you aren't a complete mess." The moment her eyes connected with mine I knew she was right. As much as I wanted her, I knew the reasons behind it were totally wrong. I didn't want to be with her just to be with her. I wanted to escape from the grim reality I was facing and sex seemed like the perfect getaway. But she deserved better than this. We both did.

"Do you hate me?" She whispered.

"Of course not." I leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I could never hate you." I sighed and looked around. "Come on let's go to sleep." I laid back and she collapsed onto my chest, not bothering to put a shirt back one. She rested her chin on my chest and ran her finger along my cheek.

"God I love you so much." She pressed her lips to mine once more before she lay down and we both drifted off to sleep.

**A/N: I know. I'm a major cockblock. But you have to admit that Bella was a smart cookie. It definitely was not the right time at all. She could see past everything Edward was trying to put on, which is one of the reasons that they work so well as a couple. They see through each other's bullshit in all the right moments. **

**So this weekend is incredibly busy for me. BUT if you give me a lot of reviews I might be able to get you a chapter at some point. And trust me you'll want a chapter. Bella's Birthday is making landfall with Hurricaine Charlie not far behind. So for those of you who I get a ton of those "author" and "story" alerts for...I love you all just as much but you should probably leave a review. Just sayin.  
**


	20. Beginnings and Endings

**A/N: Longer A/N at the end and its important so please read it. The only thing I have for you right now is that there is a playlist for this chapter and its posted on my profile.**

**Bella**

It was like an alarm went off in my head when he disappeared into the bathroom. This wasn't right. It shouldn't be like this. Not when he was hurting so much. I knew he loved me, but this was something else. Something completely different than just wanting to be with me. And until he knew what that was, we couldn't be together like this.

I thought he'd be angry with me for wanting to stop, but he wasn't. I think he realized it too. Even if you want someone so much it hurts, you'll regret if for the rest of your life if it's not the right time. And this wasn't it. As much as I wanted it to be it just wasn't.

I got up early the next morning and crept up to the house to get ready for school. Edward met me down at the car and offered a smile as he opened the door for me. It was a fake as smile but I didn't question him about it. I knew he was still dealing with things. It was like he was almost happy one minute and the next it all came crashing back to him. Each time the high was so much higher, but the crash was so much worse.

He dropped me off and I walked directly inside, not bothering to stop and talk to anyone. I thought it would help me avoid it, but it didn't. Everyone was talking about Felix. Thankfully no one except for Jasper and Alice knew about Edward's jail time.

I passed by a group of girls talking quietly amongst themselves. I wasn't planning on listening, I mean I was doing everything I could to tune everyone out. But the small redhead in the corner caught my attention.

"Yeah I guess the funeral is Saturday…"

I froze and turned around.

"Excuse me, where did you hear that?"

"My dad works at the local paper. They're running a story about him today." She shrugged.

"And you're sure the funeral is Saturday?" I whispered.

"Yeah the 13th," she nodded hesitantly.

My heart literally sank down into my stomach. The 13th. September 13th. My eighteenth birthday.

I knew it was selfish but I couldn't help but feel upset about it. That was supposed to be our day. But I couldn't ask him to do that now. I couldn't. It was going to be one of the hardest days of his life and I didn't want to put that kind of pressure on him.

My mind was a mess the rest of the day. I don't think I took down a single word of notes or heard one sentence that a teacher spoke.

Edward was silent when he picked me up from school. I wondered if he knew. Charlie was home when we got there, I guess he had the day off work.

"Hey kids," he said as we came inside. I waved as Edward headed straight into the kitchen. He grabbed himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table…right next to a folded newspaper. I sat my backpack down on the ground and leaned against the table.

"So you know?" I whispered.

He nodded.

I sighed and took his hand, glancing over my shoulder quickly to check on Charlie. "I know that we had…plans for that day. But I just want you to know it's okay. We'll deal with this and we can just get to that whenever okay? No pressure." I smiled and nodded as I got up and left the room.

"Hey Bells. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Charlie called me over to the couch.

"Yeah." I plopped down beside him and ran my fingers through my hair. "What's up?"

"It's about your birthday. I have to work that night honey I'm sorry. But I was hoping we could spend the day together. Maybe go out for lunch or something?"

"Yeah Dad that sounds great," I smiled. I was actually kind of relieved. It meant that I could take that time to put Edward back together. And I knew he'd need it. But it also meant I wouldn't be able to go to the funeral with him. I guess it was a compromise. Be with him when he's falling apart or be there to pick up the pieces.

The next day went by painfully slow. Lurched. Dragged on. Endless. I was so anxious to get out of school that I faked stomach cramps fifteen minutes before we were supposed to get out and snuck out the front doors. Edward wasn't there yet, but he wasn't who I was looking for. Jasper was always at least twenty minutes early to pick up Alice. His car was parked in the first row like it usually was. I skipped over to it and knocked on his window.

"Jasper."

He jumped a little at the noise and narrowed his eyes at me. I opened the door and got in.

"What the hell are you doing out here so early?"

"I needed to talk to you alone."

"How'd you get out?"

"Please. You even mention the word menstrual to a male teacher and they'll send you down to the nurse no questions asked."

"Okay I guess I did not need to know that," he sighed. "So what did you need to talk to me about?"

"Did you mean it when you said you'd go to the funeral for him?"

"Of course I did."

"I need you to be there for him Jazz, because I can't be. It's my birthday and my dad is taking me out to lunch. I just….he needs…" I struggled to put the words together.

"I'll be there Bella." He reached over and grabbed my hand. "I'll be at your house at noon to pick him up. And I'll bring him back afterwards."

"Thank you Jasper. You're a lifesaver." I sighed and looked around. A few of the kids were starting to trickle out so I assumed it was getting closer. Edward's car pulled slowly up to the curb and he glanced up at the school looking for me. "I've got to go."

I jumped out of the car and jogged over to Edward's.

"Hey," I said as I got in.

"Where'd you come from?" He said slowly.

"I was talking to Jasper about something."

He kinked his eyebrow and glanced back at Jasper's car. "About…?"

"Tomorrow." I shook my head. "I'm…so sorry I can't be there. But he's going to be, alright?"

"Bella I told you it's okay."

"No it's not. I should be there Edward."

He put the car in gear and we took off.

Charlie ordered us a pizza for dinner and talked both of our ears off. Edward had been quiet ever since we got home. I think he was trying to prepare himself. I didn't what to do or what to say to make it better.

I took a bite of my second piece of pizza and glanced at him across the table. He was staring down at his plate that still held his first piece, completely untouched. I quietly reached my leg over and kicked him.

"Ouch!" Charlie yelled. "What the hell are you doing Bella?"

"Sorry. Leg spasm," I quickly recovered. Not the right leg but I guess it served its purpose because Edward finally looked up from his plate. I raised my eyebrows at him and nodded down at his plate. He shook his head and pushed it away.

"Bella can I have a moment alone with Edward?"

I nodded and took my plate to the sink before I left the room. I planted myself on the stairs, close enough so I could hear.

"Listen Edward. I know that tomorrow is going to be hard for you. And I know you have a father and your family but I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need to talk or whatever."

I didn't realize I was smiling until the muscles in my face actually started hurting. Edward and Charlie's relationship was a tough one to define. I think Charlie thought more of him than he'd care to admit. I mean I guess I don't know how he'll be after we tell him, but I really hope that doesn't change. I don't want anything to change. I'm sick of it. I just want some normal for once. Is that asking too much? Just one normal day. I'm hoping we can find it some day.

"Thanks Charlie. I appreciate it." Someone scooted their chair back and I turned around, scrambling to get up the stairs before they saw me.

"Bella you can come back in here now," Charlie said softly. I guess he knew me too well. I sighed and started into the kitchen, running right into Edward. He braced himself against me and grabbed onto my shoulders.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Um. I'm turning in early," he said. "Goodnight everyone." He brushed past me and out the door. My eyes lingered after him long after he'd gone, wanting nothing more than to follow him.

"So Bells. Where would you like to go to lunch tomorrow?" Charlie got up and closed the pizza box. He set it in the refrigerator and peeked his head around. "Bells?"

"Oh. Right." I shook my head. "Doesn't matter. Wherever you want to go is fine."

"It's your birthday honey."

"The Café is fine." I knew he'd appreciate that. It was probably his favorite place in the entire world. He still goes down there most mornings for a cup of coffee with his friends. In all honesty I didn't care where we went so I'd rather just make him happy.

"Okay." He nodded and headed to the living room.

I watched TV with Charlie for most of the night. My eyes kept drifting out the window, hoping I'd see Edward coming back. I didn't like him being alone right now.

I pulled out my cell phone and sent him a text, trying to be discreet about it.

_Are you okay?_

I set my phone down and tapped my finger anxiously on my knee until it vibrated.

_I'll survive._

I didn't like his answer. At all. I kept looking at the clock, watching the minutes drag on. Charlie usually went to bed around ten. It was quarter after.

"Well," he finally said. "I'm going to bed." He slowly got up and kissed the top of my head before heading upstairs.

As soon as his door was closed I tiptoed quickly to the door and slipped outside. I ran to Edward's house and burst through the door.

"Edward?"

The house was completely dark. I reached over and flicked on the light. I looked around the room and saw his clothes from earlier in a pile on the floor.

"Well where the hell did he go?" I whispered to myself. His car was still here. I reached in my pocket and started to text him again when I noticed the note on his desk.

_Went for a run. Don't wait up._

My fist closed in around the paper. It crumpled under my hand and I threw it down on the floor.

"Don't wait up my ass." I turned around and started out the door, heading directly for the trees. I knew he was out here somewhere. I didn't bother running, I just took our normal route towards the meadow. I'd run into him at some point.

I started to get worried when I finally made it to the meadow and I hadn't seen him. In all honesty he might have walked right by me and I wouldn't have known. I didn't realize it'd get so dark out here when I got away from the house. It was a little scary.

"Damn it!" I yelled, kicking a small rock out into the middle of the meadow. I turned around and started back to the house.

"Bella?"

I froze and turned back to the meadow. He was here. I heard him. His voice came from somewhere in the darkness.

"Edward?" I called.

"I told you not to wait up for me." I turned my head towards his voice and finally spotted him, realizing why I hadn't seen him before. He was lying down, almost invisible among the tall flowers and grasses. The moonlight barely highlighted the top of his head as he propped himself up on his elbows.

"I didn't wait up. I came to find you. It's completely different." I shrugged and made my way over to him. I sat down next to him as he lay back down. "What are you doing?"

"Just…laying here I guess. Escaping the world for a minute."

"Can I lay with you?"

"Of course," he smiled.

I laid back and settled into the grass beside him.

"What are you thinking about?" I turned my head towards him. His stare was fixed at the stars above us. It was unusually clear for Forks. Not a cloud in sight.

He sighed and entwined his fingers with mine. "Everything. Felix. Me. You."

"That's quite a party going on in your head."

"Yeah," he laughed quietly.

I inched closer to him and snaked my arm across his chest. My head rested lightly on his shoulder as I traced down his chest with my finger.

"What do you want for you birthday?" He whispered.

I titled my head up to look at him and folded my arms under my chin. "Baby I told you. We don't have to do anything. You have enough to worry about…to deal with tomorrow. It can wait."

He slowly lifted his hand up and ran his fingers through my hair. "Bella I won't ever forget everything that happened with Felix or Demetri. It's going to stay with me for the rest of my life. But I'm saying goodbye tomorrow. It's not going to run my life anymore. And it might take me longer to be okay with it, but tomorrow is my closure." He sighed. "And it's going to be hard as hell, but I have to get through it. If I don't it's going to ruin everything."

"When did this revelation come to you?"

"About ten minutes ago." He looked back up at the sky. "Do you ever just…sit and look at the stars?"

"Not really." I strained my neck to look up.

"I mean look at them. There are millions that we'll probably never even know about. It just makes me think there's something bigger out there. And it could be God, it could be anything. It's just something, you know? You never know what's out there for you. It's a big fucking sky."

"It is a big fucking sky," I laughed.

"I just want you to know that I love you. So much." He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"I love you too," I whispered.

We stayed out in the meadow just watching the sky. I felt my eyes start to droop but I fought to stay awake. I turned my face up to Edward's and watched him as his eyes darted across the sky. And then I couldn't fight it anymore and slowly slipped into the darkness.

I vaguely remember Edward carrying me back to the house. He laid me down in the bed and took my shoes off before lying down beside me.

I woke up before the alarm went off the next morning. I had to leave. Charlie would be up soon.

Edward was fast asleep beside me, looking almost peaceful. One arm rested behind his head and the other on his chest. I kissed him and snuck out of bed, grabbing my shoes on my way to the door.

I closed my bedroom door just as Charlie opened his and I sighed in relief that I didn't wait for the alarm. He would have caught me coming in. I crawled into bed, hoping to catch another hour or so of sleep.

I woke up to the sounds to voices downstairs. One was distinctly Charlie's and the other…was that Jasper? I shot out of bed and looked at the clock. How was it almost noon already? I threw the covers off and ran downstairs.

"There's the birthday girl!" Charlie yelled. "Happy Birthday!" Charlie came over and gave me a hug. Jasper stood behind him, dressed in a black suit and a big smile.

"Is this a new birthday look you're going for?" Jasper nodded to my hair, which I'm sure was sticking out in every direction imaginable before he pulled me in for a hug. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks." I tapped my foot and looked around. He wasn't here. "So you're here to take Edward?" I asked.

"Yep," Jasper said, rocking back and forth on his feet. "I was just about to go back and get him."

"I'll do it!" I said quickly.

Charlie raised his eyebrow.

"You guys can keep chatting. I'll go tell him you're here." I smiled and tried to walk slowly to the door. I bolted as soon as I was outside.

"Edward?" I opened the door and peeked inside. He stood in front of his mirror fumbling with his tie. He briefly glanced back at me before returning to it. "Hi."

"Hi," he mumbled. His fingers worked diligently on his tie, always coming up with some kind of twisted knot. "Never had a problem with it before. I guess today is just going to be this way."

I walked over and took the tie from him.

"How are you doing?" I asked as I finagled the tie around his neck. He shrugged.

I could tell the weight of today had finally hit him. He was different from last night, but that somber determination was still there. He was going to make it through the day even if he wasn't very happy about it. I finished his tie and patted it gently against his chest.

"Thank you," he whispered. He turned back towards the mirror to examine himself. I wrapped my arms around his waist and watched him as he straightened and cuffed his shirt. "I should probably get going, but I have to tell you something." He turned around and took my face in his hands. "Eighteen years ago the most important thing in my life came into this world." He leaned down and softly pressed his lips to mine. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you. I'll see you later."

He turned around and left. I waited a few minutes and slowly made my way up to the house. Jasper and Edward were already gone, only Charlie's cruiser and the truck sat in the driveway. I thought it was a little unusual for him to have both here but didn't think much about it.

I went upstairs and got ready to go as Charlie did some work in his office. When I came back down a half hour later he was standing in the foyer waiting for me.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yep."

We went outside and I started directly for the cruiser.

"Why don't you drive your car today?" Charlie said.

I stopped and looked around, completely confused. "What?"

Charlie tossed a pair of keys my way. I barely caught them before they crashed to the ground.

"The truck is yours."

"Seriously?" My jaw dropped. He barely ever let me drive the truck I never thought he'd give it to me.

"Seriously. But," he held one finger up. "This does not mean that you have free reign. You still live under my house, you will abide by my rules. Understood?"

I nodded and started towards the truck.

We drove into town and had lunch at the café. Everyone there kept telling me how they couldn't believe I was already eighteen, blah, blah, blah. It was like a family reunion from Hell.

Charlie left for work as soon as we got home so I went upstairs and lay down. I wished I could be at the funeral with him, but it was probably over by now. I figured him and Jasper would hang out for awhile and talk. No matter how much I wished I could be that for him, I wasn't a guy. I couldn't do guy talk. That had to be Jasper's job.

I jumped up when I heard a noise downstairs. Maybe he was back already?

"Hello?" I called out.

I heard someone coming up the stairs but there was no answer. My fists balled up as I listened intently to the footsteps. They stopped outside my door and I could see the shadow of someone under my door.

"Happy Birthday!" Alice squealed as she burst into my room.

"Gah! You scared me half to death!" I gasped, clutching at my chest.

"Sorry. I was trying to surprise you." She plopped down on the bed beside me and handed me a delicately wrapped box. "I got you something."

"I told you not to…" I shook my head.

"I know, but I didn't listen. Open it." She smiled.

My fingers ran over the ribbon and pulled. I lifted the top of the box and immediately noticed a lot of lace.

"Alice what is this?"

"Well, I know you don't know if it's going to happen tonight but I wanted you to have a little something just in case."

"I've never worn lingerie before…" I whispered, running my fingers along the fabric. As bad as it sounds I was never worried about anything like that before, I just kind of wanted to get to the main show if you know what I mean.

"It'll look beautiful on you. I kept it simple, so hopefully it's not scary." She pulled it out and smoothed it out on top of my bed.

And for the first time in my life I was terrified of sex. I didn't even feel this intense fear my first time. Maybe it was because it never meant anything before. But Edward means something to me. This is a big deal. The butterflies in my stomach were evidence to that.

"Try it on," Alice shrugged.

"What?" I squeaked.

"Try it on. Let's see how it fits."

"I don't…" I started to shake my head.

"No excuses. Go." She threw it at me and pushed me towards the bathroom.

I scampered down the hallway and took as long as I could putting it on. I actually sat on the edge of the bathtub for ten minutes before I even removed one single garment of clothing.

I didn't even look in the mirror when it was finally on. I just whipped open the door and ran down the hallway.

"Wowza lady!" Alice whistled. "How much?" She snickered.

"Do I look stupid?" I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard.

"Bella you look beautiful. I mean, look at yourself."

I sauntered over to my mirror and gazed at my figure in the blue and black getup and sighed. It looked good, I guess. But I couldn't shake this panic. I was hoping Edward would calm all of it away because I couldn't be with him like this. I looked down at my hands and noticed they were shaking.

"Honey what's the matter?" Alice ran over to me.

"I'm actually nervous," I laughed darkly.

"Well I'd be worried if you weren't."

"What if I'm not good enough for him?" I looked over my reflection again.

"Bella don't be ridiculous. Edward loves you. You're already good enough." She turned around and grabbed her bag. "I've got to go, I have….things to do."

"I think I'm going to take a nap." I needed to get away from this for a little while to calm my nerves. I followed Alice out of my bedroom and continued down to the bathroom. I decided to keep this thing on. Sure it wouldn't be the most comfortable thing but in all honesty if I took it off I didn't know if I'd have enough courage to put it back on without Alice here. I threw a sweatshirt and sweatpants on over it and went back to my room. I jumped into my bed and pulled the covers over my head, eventually drifting off to sleep.

When I woke I slowly opened my eyes, almost not ready to wake up yet. The room was mostly dark except for a soft glow coming from the other side of the room. I sat up and looked around, spotting a candle on my desk. A single rose and a piece of paper sat beside it. I got up and ran my fingers through my hair as I walked over. I recognized Edward's handwriting right away.

_You looked so peaceful I couldn't wake you. Come find me._

I sighed and set the paper down. I picked up the rose and brought it to my nose, inhaling its sweet smell before I blew the candle out. I opened my door and was surprised to see another candle down on the table in the foyer. I blew it out on the way and started outside. A single candle lit up the path to the backyard but once I turned the corner it was like a garden of candles lighting the pathway down the stairs to his house.

I held my breath as I slowly made my way down the stairs. I paused for a moment outside the door to try and compose myself. Once I walked through this door, there was no turning back.

I closed my eyes and breathed deep as I put my hand on the handle and turned it, inching it open.

"Oh my God…" I looked around in awe at all the candles. The candles outside were nothing compared to this. It was almost like I was in field of candles, they completely surrounded me. On the tables, on the windowsills, some on the floor. They were everywhere.

I jumped as he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Happy Birthday," he whispered into my ear.

**Edward**

Jasper didn't talk much on the way to the funeral. Honestly I wasn't too upset about it. I needed some time to collect my thoughts and emotions.

We pulled up to the church. There was a small group of people standing outside all dressed in black. It was all so…depressing. I mean I know it's a funeral, but why make it even worse than it is?

I sighed and stepped out of the car. I didn't recognize any of the people outside but they all stared at me while I passed. Jasper followed me in and we sat in one of the back rows. People started eventually filtering in, filling in the rows in front of us. I recognized Felix's mother and offered her a slight smile.

A tall man stepped up to the podium and cleared his throat. The room fell silent and turned their attention to him.

"We're here today to celebrate the life of Felix Smith…" he started. My mind drifted off the moment he said those words. I know this was all protocol, but I honestly don't think anyone could fully capture Felix in a speech. Half of the people in this room had no idea what I'd lost.

I thought back to everything. Everything we've gone through. Everything about the first day we'd met. Everything about the last good day we'd had. He had started laughing hysterically because a bird pooped on my shoulder. As sad as I was it brought a smile to my face just remembering. Sometimes I think you have to just hold onto the good things and let the bad things go. Yeah life fucking sucks sometimes. And losing my friends was one of the worst things I've ever gone through. But look at all the good in my life. I have an amazing family and I have Bella. I'm willing to suffer through the bad parts for even the slightest bit of good.

And I meant what I said to her before. Today was an end and a beginning. I want to start over again. With her.

Jasper elbowed me softly in the ribs and I noticed everyone was standing. The service must be over. I'd zoned out the entire time. As dumb as it sounds I was happy to spend the time with him than mourning him.

We walked back out to the car and followed the procession of cars out to the cemetery. I noticed the military guard right away and felt my chest start to constrict. Here I was. Facing my own biggest fear.

I guess I knew they'd be here subconsciously but it didn't hit me until I saw them here. They were all lined up, their guns resting on their shoulders, staring straight ahead.

"Edward?" Jasper said. "Are you ready?"

"I…I don't think I can go out there."

"Why not?"

I nodded to the line of soldiers. "Have you ever been so scared of something it literally hurts you to even think about it?" I whispered.

"No man. I can't say that I have."

"It's like whenever I come face to face with…anything that reminds me of it. I can't breathe. I hate that it has that kind of control over me." I glanced out and watched as everyone gathered around the headstone. The man from before started speaking again.

"Do you want to leave?"

"No. I just want to stay right here, if that's okay."

"Okay." He nodded.

We sat and watched in silence as the man spoke. Felix's mom stood at the front, holding a tissue to her face.

I closed my eyes as the guards raised their guns to the sky because I knew what was coming next. The sequence of pops made me jump, but I clung to the seat.

"Old McDonald had a farm e-i-e-i-o…" Jasper started screaming. My eyes widened as I glanced over at him. I was so confused I barely heard the pops resounding out. "And on this farm he had a..."

"Duck?" I answered.

"E-i-e-i-o!"

I realized in that moment that Jasper was going to be one of the best friends I'd ever have. He took a moment that could have been absolute hell for me and turned it into something completely different. And as sick and twisted as it was, honestly I think Felix would have loved it.

By the time we'd finished three rounds of Old McDonald, the military guard had replaced their guns to their shoulders and the small gathering started to trickle out. We sat and waited. Felix's mom and dad were the last to leave.

"Can you just give me a minute?" I said, opening the door.

"Sure. Take your time."

I put my hands in my pockets and slowly made my way towards the small spot the crowd had just left from. The casket was lowered into the ground, a pile of flowers sitting on top. His headstone was beautifully simple. Except for his epitaph. I laughed a little under my breath as I read it. I honestly didn't think his mother would allow it. But it was what he wanted. He told her before he left for the war. She slapped him on the shoulder and told him not to joke about things like that, but that's just the kind of person he was. He never took things seriously. Always said that there were people out there who had it worse than us.

I bent down and ran my fingers along the words. "Hasta la vista baby," I smiled and shook my head as I stood up. "See you on the other side man." I tapped the top of the tombstone and started back towards the car.

"You alright man?" Jasper said as I got in.

"Yeah I'm alright. Thanks for coming today Jasper it means a lot."

"Sure no problem." He started to put the car in gear but his eyes froze and fixed on my shoulder. "Uh…you've got a little." He pointed to my shoulder.

I looked down and saw the small puddle of white bird poop on my shoulder. I laughed and shook my head, glancing back out at his headstone. "Thanks."

Jasper handed me a napkin from his glove compartment and I wiped it off as we started off. Jasper asked if I was hungry and I honestly wasn't, but he insisted that we stop and get something to eat. He barely touched his food.

"I thought you were hungry," I nodded to his full plate.

"I couldn't bring you back before my allotted time." He shrugged.

"Allotted time?"

"Alice knows about your plans for tonight and she wanted to make sure it was…special."

I sighed.

"Sorry," Jasper shook his head. "I tried to tell her no, but you know how she is. When she gets something in her head it's impossible…"

"Yeah I know."

"I can take you back in about a half hour. Everything should be set and your instructions will be waiting in your house. Don't worry about cleaning up for Charlie's sake, she'll take care of it."

I nodded and took a small bite of my food as I reached for my phone. I quickly dialed Alice's number and rested the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I ate.

"Edward!" She squealed.

"Alice. I really appreciate what you're doing and I'm saying this with utter most respect for you. But whatever you're doing…whatever lights, or flowers, or…potpourri shit you're putting out right now. Stop. And back the fuck off."

"But," she started to whine.

"No, no, no. No buts. This is our night not yours. But since I know you love all this stuff and since you've already graciously offered, you can clean up any evidence in the house. Now get your shit, and get out."

Jasper's jaw dropped as I hung up the phone.

"Was that too harsh?" I asked.

"How….how did you do it?" He shook his head. "I can't say no to her. Especially when she does the little whiney thing I'm sure she just did to you."

"Practice." I shoved the last of my food into my mouth and stood up. "Can we stop by the store on the way?"

"Sure thing man."

By the time we left the store the cart was literally full of bags of candles. I got every shape, every color, every size. Thankfully Jasper reminded me to get a lighter at the register or I would have had a shit ton of candles and no way to light them.

He dropped me off at the house just as the sun was starting to sink below the trees. I quickly carried all the bags out to my house just in case Bella was watching. I'd start there first and work my way up to the house.

I'd like to say that even Alice would be proud. It looked damn good. I went outside and started a path up to the house. I went back and lit every single one before I went into the house. I didn't know if she was going to be…ready now. The house was completely dark. I left a candle on the foyer table and continued up to her room. It was silent.

"Bella?" I whispered as I opened the door. She was lying on her bed with the calmest look on her face, her arms stretched out in front of her. I lit another candle and set it by her desk, along with the flower I'd bought earlier. I grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled her a note before heading back down to my house to wait.

I took my jacket off and threw it in the corner, careful to avoid the candles. That'd be a clusterfuck to explain to Charlie. I reached up to my neck and loosened my tie a little, throwing it down as I sat down in the chair. I lay back in the chair and ran my fingers through my hair as I waited.

I thought I'd be more nervous than this. But for some reason I felt completely at peace. I brought my hand up to my forehead and gazed out the window. Was that a little bit of movement in the darkness? Her shape slowly emerged from the darkness, carrying the flower I'd left. Her eyes wandered over the glow of the candles and finally to my house. I watched intently as she hesitated at the front door and took a deep breath. Who would have thought she'd be the nervous one about all this?

She opened the door and a small gasp escaped her lips. I smiled and quietly got up from the chair. As I snuck behind her, I reached out to touch her and her entire body shivered.

"Happy Birthday…" I whispered into her ear.

She leaned back into me and placed her hands over mine.

"Beautiful," she said softly, her eyes still lingering on the glow of the room.

I lifted my hands and brushed them delicately across her shoulder, pulling her hair back and exposing her neck. I leaned down and grazed my lips over her skin. She reached up and entwined her fingers through my hair as she turned to face me.

"Are you okay?" I breathed, running my finger along her bottom lip.

"Yes," she said, almost just mouthing the word. She swallowed hard and pressed her palm against my chest, working her way up to the top button. She hesitantly undid the first one and slowly made her way down, exposing my chest. She pushed my shirt off my shoulders and it landed with a soft thud on the floor.

My eyes fluttered shut as she tilted her head forward and ran her lips over my skin. She stopped at my neck and glanced up at me, almost as if she was asking permission. She didn't have to. I was hers fully and completely. Hers to take whenever she wanted.

I took her head in my hands and inched my fingers through her hair and down her back, pushing her body closer to mine.

She closed her eyes as she pressed her forehead to mine. I could feel her breath on my face, almost so much that I could taste her.

"Tell me you love me," she whispered.

"I love you." I ran my finger down her jaw, resting finally below her chin. I tilted her face up to mine and bent down to press my lips to hers. Her arms instantly drifted around to the back of my neck, holding me to her.

I slid my hand up under her shirt, expecting to her feel skin. It was just more fabric. Lace.

"What is this?" I mumbled.

"Birthday present." She strained her lips to reach my neck.

"I thought it was your birthday, not mine," I laughed.

"It was a present from Alice."

"Remind me to thank her…" I smiled and pressed my lips to hers again as my hand slid further up her shirt. I felt along the edge of whatever the hell she was wearing. The hem was tight against her chest and I could just tell it was popping at all the right spots. She lifted her arms up, almost reading my mind, and I pulled the shirt over her head. The sharp contrast of her pale skin against the blue of the fabric caught my attention, creating peaks and valleys across her chest.

I took a step forward and pressed my palms against her breasts, warranting an almost silent whimper from her. She took a few steps back and I followed her until her back hit the wall. I glided my hands down her stomach and to her sides, grasping firmly at her hips and grinding them against mine. I continued my path downward and grabbed tightly onto her thighs, pulling her legs up and around me. I gently slammed her against the wall again as her mouth searched for mine. I felt her hand ducking down and heading for the top of my pants. I reached down and stopped her. I realized in that moment that she'd never done this before. Sex was never more than this to her, never more than a quick fuck. I didn't want us to be that. This was different.

"Please let me show you…" I said softly.

She nodded in understanding and I slowly kneeled down in front of her. I reached up to the top of her sweatpants. I slowly ran my fingers along the hem and inched them down to her waist. And then down to her knees. She lifted one leg and then the other, stepping out of them. I tossed them aside and snaked my hand around the back of her knee, lifting her leg up towards me. I placed a trail of kisses up her calf, lingering momentarily on her knee, allowing my tongue to wash over her skin before continuing up. When I reached the bottom of her lingerie I slid my fingers underneath, searching for her underwear.

"I'm not wearing any…" She breathed.

I stood back up and picked her up, ignoring the intense desire that shot through me in that instant. I gently set her down on the bed.

"Stay there." I quickly turned around and grabbed the rose off the floor. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched.

I returned to the bed and crawled around so I was behind her. I brought my lips down to her neck as my fingers brushed along her shoulder, slipping both of the straps down. I continued kissing her neck as I slowly undid the zipper than ran along her spine. The lingerie slipped off her body. Seeing her for the first time completely vulnerable like this was amazing. It was just her. Nothing else. Pure and raw Bella. I reached around and slowly dragged the petals of the rose across her bare stomach. She shivered and her fists clenched tightly in my hair. I kept my eyes on her as I brought the flower up the middle of her chest and back down again, delving deeper than I had before.

"Do you understand?" I asked.

Her eyes were half closed, brimming with lust and want as she stared back at me. She suddenly stood up off the bed. I started to follow her but she stuck her palm out and pushed my chest back.

"Stay there." She leaned in and smiled.

I laid back and ran my fingers through my hair as she kneeled down in front of me. She flipped her hair to one side and lightly caressed her tongue from the middle of my stomach up to my chest. She met my lips again and her hand eventually drifted down to my pants. I let her unbutton them this time and she stood up again, slowly pulling them off. She placed one knee beside my bare hip and one at the other as she crawled on top of me.

She leaned down, close to my ear and breathed against my skin. "I want you now….show me more." She pulled back and stared intently into my eyes.

I grabbed firmly onto her sides and rolled her underneath me.

"Show me," she said again. She reached up and grabbed hold of the dog tags hanging from my neck. With a soft tug she pulled me to her. I felt her smiling against my lips. My hand drifted up her sides, across her ribs and up the side of her arm. I grabbed her hand and brought it with mine above her head, running my fingers up and down hers. I reached down with my other hand and grabbed hold of her knee, bringing it up between our chests. I pulled back from her and forced her eyes to mine.

"Keep your eyes on mine…" I whispered, nudging her legs farther apart. I slid myself forward until I met her. Her eyes fluttered a little and her face scrunched into an expression of pure ecstasy as she fought to keep eye contact. I started my movements slow as I waited for her reaction. She finally started moving her hips to match mine, in almost perfect rhythm. She bit down on her lip and turned her head sideways, a single bead of sweat slipping down her face. It caught the flickers of the candles, glowing a glistening gold as it swept down her skin.

I felt the deep burning starting to coil in the pit of my stomach as I increased my movements. I reached up and grabbed firm hold of the headboard as it crashed rhythmically into the wall.

I stared down at Bella, asking the question with my eyes. She nodded softly and with one last thrust we both cried out in pleasure. I almost collapsed on top of her, but held myself up with all the strength I had left. I listened to the sound of our breathing, ragged and tired at first. It slowed ever so slightly with each passing moment. I closed my eyes and felt the waves of ease washing through my body.

I opened my eyes as I felt her hands around my neck. She reached up and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"I love you…" She whispered, grazing her lips down my jaw. I rolled over and lay down beside her. She inched over and settled on top of my chest, the sweat from both of us making our skin slide against one another. She rested her chin on me and I could feel her eyes on me as I tried to relax.

"What?" I finally asked.

"Thank you." She pulled herself up and kissed me again. "I know what it's like now."

"What what's like?"

She diverted her eyes and shook her head. "Edward I know I don't have the cleanest past in…this department. But it was never like that. Ever. You showed me what it's like to love. Not just getting off in the backseat of a car. Real. Love. It's unexplainable."

My heart sank hearing her say those words. Even though I hated the thought of her being with anyone else, it hurt me more that she'd never been appreciated like that. Never been treated the way she deserves to be treated. I don't know if I could ever forgive all of them for doing that to her.

I lost all train of thought as he hand slipped under the covers.

"I need. To rest." I shook my head as her hand dipped further. Guys had it different than girls. We couldn't just always be ready two minutes later. "Bella you don't understand….Guys need to…recharge you know?"

"But Edward I want to be on top…" She whispered.

As soon as she mumbled those words I was fully recharged, no doubts about that. I smiled as she crawled over me and pulled the covers over us….

I woke up early the next morning, thankful that I'd gotten up during the night and blew all the candles out. Bella was still sound asleep beside me, the sheet barely covering the dimples in her lower back. I lay back down and watched the sun rise on her bare back as I ran my fingers up and down her spine.

My entire body was sore, but it felt amazing. Almost like my muscles were jelly. It was the best fucking kind of sore to be. I settled back into the bed and slowly started drifting back to sleep.

I didn't hear the footsteps until they bounded through my door. I shot up and turned around, my stomach immediately coiling into knots.

"Charlie, please…let me explain…" I started slowly. His face was a bright shade of red as he stared right through me and to his almost naked sleeping daughter beside me.

"Shut up," he yelled, pointing his finger at me.

I felt Bella move beside me. She sat up and the sheet started to drop from her body. I quickly turned around and shielded her. It wasn't like Charlie didn't know, but I'm sure she didn't want her Dad to see her like that. A look of intense fear spread across her face as she looked over my shoulder. I pulled the sheet back up and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Bella get up and get dressed." Charlie placed his hands on his hips and waited.

Bella's eyes darted to mine. "Edward…" She whispered.

"Now Bella!" Charlie screamed. His face turned bright red again. "Move!"

She grasped onto the sheets and wrapped it around her as she stood up. She started crying softly as she picked up her clothes off the floor and disappeared into the bathroom. Charlie's eyes didn't leave mine the entire time she was in there. I knew I'd fucked up in his eyes, but I couldn't regret it. Even if it led us right back to this spot right here, I'd do it all again.

Bella stepped out and started towards the door. Charlie followed her to the doorway and spun back around to me. "You're fired. Get out." He slammed the door and took my heart away with him.

**A/N: Eeeeeeek! Hurricaine Charlie has arrived! Do you think Edward's really going to get fired or was it a gut reaction from Charlie?**

**Secondly I'm really sorry for the delay in this. You guys were so awesome with your reviews and I literally wrote all day Sunday (since it was Valentines' Day and I had nothing better to do of course) and I still didn't even get halfway done. So thank you for being patient, I didn't realized this chapter was going to be so involved, but I wanted it to be right. I didn't want to just put out crap. So....yeah.**

**Next there's some more new art in my flickr profile by me as a Valentine's day gift for you guys. Check it out.**

**Lastly I want to say a little bit about the smut/lemons factor. If you've read any of my other stories you know how I roll with this. I cannot do full on smut. It's not who I am as a writer. I have nothing against smut, in fact I love reading it and I think the authors who can write it are fuckawesome, but it just isn't me. I call my lemons lemons from concentrate, as I go for sexy not smutty. I know there's a lot of people that read fanfiction for smut, and again there's nothing wrong with that. I'm all for that. I just wanted to clarify that I never advertised this as a smut filled fic and cover my bases just in case I get a lot of hate mail. I don't expect it because I think you guys are amazing but I just want to put that out there beforehand. I didn't post this before the chapter because honestly I didn't want to ruin or taint anyone's experience as they read through it. It would have been like a big fat elephant in the room and I didn't want that. I'm always terrified of being judged for that and I understand where those people are coming from, but I'm all about the characters and plot. I don't want to be judged for writing about something other than smut, just like I don't want people to be judged for reading for the smut.I just like to maybe offer stories that aren't as smutty as others, just another option. So again if you were expecting full on smut I am sorry if you were disappointed but I hope you understand and appreciate the story and their first time for what it was. And no this is not the last time they will have sex. And no she is not getting pregnant yada yada. So now that I've Dr. Philled you more than I planned on I will be done.**

**Leave one : ) And thanks again for being so patient with me you guys are awesome  
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	21. Somewhere In Between

**A/N: Playlist for this chapter is on my profile. But if you have to listen to one song, there is one that defines this entire chapter. I pretty much listened to it on repeat the entire time I was writing it. So go to the playlist or youtube "Somewhere in Between" by Lifehouse. **

**Second I decided to start a Facebook page to keep the lines of communication open with you guys. It's still a baby right now, but it'll eventually have art, teasers, updates ect. Also if you make some fanart or a video or anything like that you can send it to the email address I have listed on the page and I'll be sure to post it for everyone to see. The name is MandyLeigh Fanfic. I know some people don't use Twitter so I wanted to offer this option to those so I can keep them updated as well.**

**And I'm issuing a Tissue warning for this chapter, just in case. Cause I sure needed one writing it. I'm an emotional sap I know.  
**

**Bella**

"Dad please!" I cried. "Just listen to me!"

"No. Get inside." He pointed to the front door.

"No!"

"Get. Inside," he said again.

I stomped inside and stopped right inside the door.

"I'm inside. Now will you listen!" I crossed my arms in front of me.

"You're grounded until further notice. Go to your room." He started towards his office.

He wasn't getting off this easy. I had a right to defend myself and defend Edward.

"Damnit Charlie I'm not a child anymore!" I ran into his office right before he shut the door.

"You are a child Bella. Jesus you just turned eighteen yesterday!"

"You don't understand." My vision blurred as the tears starting flowing freely. "I'm in love with him…" I whispered.

"Bella don't be ridiculous. You're eighteen, you have no idea what love is!"

"I know a Hell of a lot more than you do! You can't stop me from seeing him." I shook my head.

"If you're planning on living in this house and eating my food and getting money to pay for every single damn thing you buy then yes you will stop seeing him."

"Fine. I'm an adult. I'll move out tonight." I turned around and started out the door.

"Where are you going to go Bella? Are you going to get your own apartment? Go stay with the Cullen's? You have no money and no job, we'll see how far that goes."

I froze halfway out the door. I hated to admit that he was right. I didn't have nearly enough money to get my own apartment and I couldn't impose on the Cullen's like that. I wouldn't. I was trapped.

That small light of hope I had since Charlie walked in on us quickly disappeared and I felt like my whole world was crashing around me. I shuffled out of the room and started up the stairs, almost unable to breathe. I can't lose him.

The front door swung open as I made it to the top. I spun around and collapsed to the floor just seeing him. I started to get up but Edward held his palm up, asking me to wait. He calmly started over towards Charlie's office. He paused in the doorway and knocked on the open door.

"Charlie can I talk to you?"

"I'm writing you your last check here. Please have your things out as soon as possible and turn in any and all keys you have."

"Charlie…" Edward pleaded. I hated hearing him like this. So desperate. So completely frantic. "I'm asking you for a little understanding and a little forgiveness."

"You deliberately betrayed my trust and my orders Edward. There is no understanding."

"Sir I'm in love with your daughter."

I quietly crept down the stairs and waited at the bottom, listening to more of their conversation.

"You two aren't good for each other."

"How can you say that? Look at how much Bella has grown since I've been here. Look how much better she's doing school. She hasn't been sneaking out. How can you not see that?"

"Edward…" Charlie lowered his voice so much so that I couldn't hear a single word he was saying.

The seconds passed by as I sat anxiously at the bottom of the stairs.

"You're wrong Charlie," Edward said. "And you'll see that. I just hope it's not too late."

My shoulders sunk forward and I realized we'd lost. I buried my head in my hands and started crying harder than before. I don't know how long I sat there, it could have been moments or minutes. I felt someone kneel down in front of me and wrap their arms around me.

I leaned forward and melted into Edward's chest. That little bit of control I had left had vanished. I was broken all over again.

"Shhh…" Edward whispered. I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging to him like he could be ripped away at any moment. He quickly scooped me up and carried me into the kitchen, rounding the corner so we were out of Charlie's sight. "Relax baby…" He tilted my head up and tried to brush away my tears. It was useless. They were replaced with new ones moments later.

"Please don't leave me…" I cried.

"Bella…I have to leave."

I sobbed and buried my head in his shirt.

"I'm not leaving you Bella, I'm just leaving the house." He held my face in his hands and tried to smile. "I love you way too much. It'll be okay we'll make it work."

"But my dad…"

"Doesn't matter." He shook his head. "It's you and me okay?" He pressed his forehead to mine.

"You and me," I nodded, trying to stop crying. It wasn't helping anything, but I couldn't stop this overwhelming sense of loss. It was naïve of me to think this wouldn't change things. It would. It was going to change everything.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, a sense of calm instantly washing over me. The instant they left the calm left with them. Panic. Desperation. Anxiety. They all replaced it.

"I have to go pack up my things…" he said softly.

"No." The tears started forming again in my already damp eyes.

"I have to sweetheart. I'm not leaving yet okay? Just do what your dad says and go up to your room."

He nodded and I reluctantly agreed. I turned the corner just as Charlie was coming out of his office.

"I hate you," I spat as I stomped up the stairs.

"Sorry about that," Edward whispered. "I'll just go pack my things."

"Why are you being nice to him Edward?" I spun around. "He doesn't deserve it."

Edward stared at me for a few moments before stepping out the front door. I threw one last glare at Charlie before I ran into my room, slamming the door behind me.

I can't believe this is happening. I ran my fingers through my hair and went to sit at my window ledge. Edward made his way around the house and disappeared through his door. Every now and then I could see some movement in the window as he packed up all of his things.

Charlie had no idea what kind of damage he was inflicting right now. It was catastrophic. I know Edward was trying to keep calm earlier and it's one of the things I love about him, but this isn't right.

I pulled my knees up to my chest as my eyes darted frantically looking for him. Half of me desperately wanted to see him and the other half wanted him to stay in that house as long as possible. Because the next time I saw him leave would be the last time. I wrapped my arms around my knees and started rocking back and forth, trying to calm myself.

I needed something. Something to ease my nerves. I didn't have any weed. I don't even think I had any alcohol. I wanted to call Alice. I wanted to call my Mom. I knew she'd understand. Maybe she could talk to Charlie. Tell him he's being crazy. I knew I was kidding myself. He wouldn't listen to anyone. His stubbornness was something I inherited from him. Even if he realized he was wrong it would take something drastic for him to admit it. He'd be in denial, grasping on with his fingers until he broke.

My hand was shaky as I reached for my phone. I dialed her number and waited.

"Hello?" Just as Renee answered, the door to Edward's house opened and he stepped outside carrying a few bags. I threw my phone down and stumbled across my room and out the door.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled as I passed him, but I didn't listen. I threw open the door and ran around the driveway leading down to Edward's house. He was standing at the back of his car, loading his bags inside. He shut the trunk and turned around just as I slammed into him. I leaped up into his arms and wrapped my arms and legs around him as tight as I could. I heard the sobs before I felt the wetness creeping down my face.

"Please don't leave….don't leave me…"

He bent down and nuzzled into my neck as he rocked me side to side.

"I love you Bella. More than anything."

"Then take me with you. Please take me with you. I won't be any trouble, I'll get a job, I'll quit school." I rambled on anything and everything I could possibly think of to keep us together. I knew they were bullshit, but I couldn't stop fighting.

He rubbed gently up and down my back and lifted his head, glancing behind us. I turned around and noticed Charlie was staring at us from the window.

"I have to go…" Edward whispered.

My fists grasped so tightly onto his shirt that the most intense sharp pain shot through my knuckles. I ignored it and kept clinging to him like I was holding on for dear life. And I was. He was my life.

His arms snaked up from my waist and took hold of my arms, practically prying them off of him.

"I left you a present in there," he barely managed a smile and nodded towards his door. "Go check it out." He leaned up against his car and nodded again.

I couldn't move my feet.

"Go," he laughed.

I sniffled and told my legs to move. And they did. Slow and uneven steps. I opened the door to his place and my breath hitched in my throat. It was so empty. There was no trace of him anywhere. The desk was bare. There was nothing on the shelves, or on the counter in the bathroom. The only thing out of place was a clump of fabric on the bed. I walked over and took the t-shirt in my hands. It was the same "Army" one I'd worn before. I lifted it to my face and breathed in his scent just as I heard the screech of the tires.

"No," I whispered, spinning around and darting outside. There was a cloud of dust, but I could still see Edward's car as he sped down the driveway. I took off running, my sobs growing louder with each step, making it hard to breathe.

"Edward!" I screamed. I willed my legs to move faster but they couldn't. He was slipping away. He escaped through the gate and it closed quickly after him. My run slowed to a jog as I watched him disappear down the road. And then I felt my legs give out under me, gravity causing my body to crash to the ground. I felt the pain in my knees as they skidded across the pavement but I didn't care. The little silver dot grew smaller and smaller and all I could do is sit there and watch. I kept watch on the last place I'd seen it long after it'd gone, almost like I was expecting him to come back. He didn't.

I stayed out there as the sun rose and descended in the sky just curled up in a ball on the ground. At some point, I'm not sure what time it was or how long I'd been out there, I heard footsteps behind me.

"Renee I don't know what you want me to do, she's been out here all day…" Charlie mumbled. She must have called after I hung up on her. Charlie walked around in front of me and looked down. He brought his cell phone down to his shoulder. "Bella I think it's time for you to go in the house."

I shook my head adamantly, holding desperately onto the hope that he was coming back.

Charlie huffed and shook his head as he bent down and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed.

He held his phone back to his ear. "Do you hear that?" He glanced back towards me. "You won't talk to me, will you talk to your mother?" He handed out the phone for me and I swatted it away. I wasn't made at her and I hope she didn't take it the wrong way. The only person I wanted to talk to wasn't here.

Charlie cursed and picked his phone back up. "I guess that's a no." He slowly started back towards the house. "Don't you dare talk to me like that Renee! It was my decision!" I blocked out everything else and stared back out into the nothingness.

The sun finally dipped below the horizon and I shivered in the cold evening air. I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked back and forth. My eye caught a glimmer of light down the way; so far down I thought I was imagining it. But it was real. The headlights got bigger and bigger as they got closer to me and I felt my heart start beating faster.

I put my hands up to block the light from my eyes as the car pulled up in front of the gate. It opened and someone stepped out of the passenger's side.

"Bella!" Alice yelled. As soon as I heard her voice I slipped back into the darkness. It wasn't him. She ran over and bent down in front of me. "Sweetie let's get you inside."

I shook my head.

"Jasper!" She called. "Help me!"

Jasper jumped out of the driver's side and ran to us.

"Hey Bells…" he smiled slightly. "It's getting a little chilly in there how about we get you a nice cup of coffee inside?"

"I…can't…move…" I mumbled.

Jasper stared at me for a few moments. "Okay," he whispered. He scooped his hands under my body and lifted me up, close to his chest.

"Honey drive the car up okay?" He said to Alice. She nodded and went back to the car. I wrapped my arms loosely around Jasper's neck as he carried me up the driveway. Alice drove behind us and parked the car as we reached the front door. She ran in front of us and opened it as Jasper took us through. Charlie eyed us from the living room as he started up the stairs.

I vaguely remember him placing me in my bed and pulling the covers over me. Alice came in and pulled him into the corner.

"I'm going to stay. You can go though…" she said softly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'll call you tomorrow or get a ride from Charlie."

He nodded and bent down to kiss her before disappearing out the door. Alice slowly walked over and crawled into bed beside me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and sighed.

"Edward called me…told me what happened…" she said. "I'm sorry."

I nodded as her words hit me, trying to fight back the tears. Like so many times today I wasn't strong enough. They radiated in my chest as it heaved in and out. Alice's arms tightened around me but I still felt so alone. The entire bed shook with me as I cried for endless moments.

I finally turned myself around so I was facing Alice. She frowned and brushed my hair out of my face. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"Do you want to go to sleep?"

I shook my head again and she sighed.

"Bella you need to calm down. You're just making it worse by being all worked up like this honey…" She rubbed down my arm.

"Do you have anything?" I sniffled.

"I really don't think…"

"Alice please."

She hesitated a moment longer before reaching over me and grabbing her purse. "You are only having a little bit to calm you down." She grabbed the cup beside my bed and reached into her purse, pulling out her flask. She poured some into the cup and handed it to me. I downed it immediately, but kept the cup close to my body and occasionally pretended to be taking small sips. She set the flask on the table next to her.

She turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. I glanced at the clock, wishing that she would just go to sleep. I loved her for staying here but to be honest all I could think about was getting more of whatever was in her flask. I could barely feel it and right now that's all I wanted to feel.

"Actually I think I want to go to bed Alice…" I mumbled.

"Really? Okay." She turned off the TV and pulled the covers up tight to her body. "Goodnight."

"Night." I bit my lip and waited ten minutes before I tried getting out of bed. She didn't move so I assumed she was asleep. I grabbed my phone from the floor where I'd thrown it and crept to her side of the bed. I didn't even hesitate as I grabbed the flask and headed for the window. I crawled outside and closed it behind me; desperate to crawl out of this bottomless hole I'd suddenly fallen into.

**Edward**

As soon as Charlie and Bella disappeared out of the door I jumped up and put some clothes on. I had to fix this. I didn't know how I was going to do it but I had to. I sprinted up to the house and burst in the door. Bella was sitting at the top of the stairs, her face red and her eyes puffy. She started to get up but I motioned for her to stay there. I walked over to Charlie's office and knocked.

He looked up at me briefly but didn't say anything so I stepped inside. "Charlie can I talk to you?"

"I'm writing you your last check here. Please have your things out as soon as possible and turn in any and all keys you have."

"Charlie…" I said, trying to think of something to say to make this better. I understood I'd disobeyed his orders. But this was so far beyond that and he needed to know. "I'm asking you for a little understanding and a little forgiveness."

"You deliberately betrayed my trust and my orders Edward. There is no understanding."

"Sir I'm in love with your daughter." I sighed and waited for his reaction.

He wrote out the rest of the check and ripped it out of his book.

"You two aren't good for each other," he said as he handed it to me.

"How can you say that? Look at how much Bella has grown since I've been here. Look how much better she's doing school. She hasn't been sneaking out. How can you not see that?"

"Edward…" Charlie shook his head and lowered his voice. "Despite everything that's happened I think you're a decent young man."

"Then what the hell is the problem?"

"You know I love my daughter, but she has some serious issues Edward that I don't even think I fully understand. Neither of you need that type of distraction. You're a fine boy and I don't want you to get dragged in by her. I understand that she can be incredibly charming but she's…damaged."

"Is that really all you think of her, that's just damaged goods who's going to taint everyone she meets?" I ran my fingers through my hair. "You are so wrong Charlie!" I said a little louder. "Can I ask you a question?"

He didn't object.

"How did you know?"

"How did I know?" He kinked an eyebrow. "You really don't think I didn't notice the flirtation between you two? Of course I thought it was all harmless until I found this taped to my car door this morning at the station." He threw a Polaroid picture at me. I picked it up and almost stopped breathing. It was me and Bella, from last night. And it was looking right through my window at us. Someone had written in sharpie along the bottom.

_Happy Birthday Bella. Thanks to me she'll be eighteen forever. _I flipped it over and continued reading. _Looks like your bodyguard is keeping an extra close eye on her._

"Charlie do you even understand what this means? They were outside my damn house. Inside the gate!"

"I'm well aware."

I bit my lip and shook my head in frustration. "Please tell me you're getting her someone else. Someone better than me. Someone who can protect her."

"I'm working on it."

"Well work harder! Because I swear to God if you don't I'll be sitting outside your gate every night until you do. And if something happens to her…" I bit my tongue and stopped myself from threatening the police commissioner. I huffed and turned around, leaving his office.

My heart sank when I saw her. She was hunched over at the bottom of the stairs, her shoulders heaving up and down. Had she heard everything? I prayed that she hadn't. I didn't want her to hear all those things her father had said about her. Or about the photograph for that matter. She didn't need to worry about all those things right now.

I bent down and took her in my arms, trying to calm her. I told her that I loved her and this didn't mean anything. I didn't want her to think I was leaving her, that I was breaking my promise. I never wanted to break that promise to her, but even as I was saying the words I knew that I was in her eyes.

She went back up to her room as I packed up my things. I didn't want her just sitting there and watching me do it. I couldn't bare to see that heartbroken look on her face as I stuffed everything into a bag.

I packed quickly. I still didn't have much to my name. I started picking things off the floor and throwing them into my last bag. I paused when I saw the Army shirt Bella had become so attached to these past few days. I folded it up and placed it on top of my bed before I grabbed my bags and started out.

I threw them in the back and closed the trunk, turning around just as Bella crashed into me. She grasped onto me tightly, completely entwining our bodies together. I wanted to make her feel better, but I was honestly on the edge of breaking down. I didn't want her to see me like that. I was supposed to be strong for her.

"I have to go…" I whispered. I waited for her to let go but she didn't. My hands trembled as I reached up and pried her arms from me.

I needed to get her away from here. I couldn't have her watch me leave. It would be devastating to both of us and I don't think I could handle it. Beyond pain. Beyond anguish. It would be beyond anything I've ever felt in this world to see her beautiful brown eyes in the rearview mirror as I drove away. She hesitated when I told her about the present, but I was so relieved when she finally disappeared into the house.

I quickly got into my car, my chest already heaving up and down, and spun out of the driveway. I told myself not to look back. I'd regret it for the rest of my life. But I did. She was running after me, running so desperately even though she would never catch up. My heart literally shattered into a million pieces as I watched her struggle to get to me. And I just kept driving. It took all I had to keep my foot on the pedal. My world started blurring around the edges as the tears formed in my eyes and slowly slipped down my cheek. I sighed and held them back as I drove faster, just needing to get away before I completely lost it all. The next time I looked in the rearview mirror both Bella and the house were gone.

I sped towards my parent's house, honestly surprised that I was able to stay on the road. I pulled up in front of our house and jumped out of the car.

"Mom!" I screamed. The house looked empty. "Mom!" I could feel my ends unraveling. I was coming undone.

"Edward?" Esme suddenly appeared in the hallway carrying a basket of laundry.

"M..mo…m." I couldn't breathe. My knees started shaking beneath me and I knew I couldn't hold on much longer.

"Carlisle!" Esme screamed, dropping the laundry onto the floor as she ran towards me. I sank to my knees just as Carlisle reached me. He caught me before I hit the ground and dragged me over to the couch.

"What's wrong with him?" Esme said, her voice full of fear.

"I don't know." Carlisle shook his head as he took my wrist between his fingers. "His pulse is racing."

Esme sat down on the couch and leaned over me. "Sweetie what happened?"

I felt my phone start to vibrate in my pocket. Carlisle reached around and grabbed it, answering it quickly.

He listened for a moment before responding. "No this is Carlisle, Edward's father. Who is this?...Yes he's here." He listened for a few more minutes, his eyes darting to me. "Alright. Thank you for calling." He hung up. "That was Bella's mother." He glanced towards Esme and motioned for her to join him. They stood in the corner of the room together talking quietly. I heard Esme gasp and cover her mouth with her hands. They started back towards me.

"I think he's just having a panic attack or something similar. It's too much for his body to handle right now. I'll give him something to calm him down," Carlisle said softly as he disappeared behind me.

Esme sat back down and pulled my head onto her lap as she ran her fingers through my hair.

Carlisle came back a few minutes later carrying what looked like a syringe. "Okay son this will help, just relax as much as you can."

I barely heard him, I barely felt the small pinch, I barely noticed the numbness starting to travel through my veins.

"Okay he should be alright…Just give him a few minutes." Carlisle patted my shoulder and left to dispose of the needle.

Esme sat with me as I felt my breathing start to return to normal. The dizzy feeling in my head started to fade away. My hand reached down and started tracing the circles in the carpet as I watched.

"I almost lost it in front of her Mom…she was begging…crying for me to stay and I couldn't."

"Just give it some time sweetheart. Charlie will come around."

"I don't think he will…" A silent tear slipped down my cheek.

I lay on the couch all day and Esme stayed with me. She didn't complain at all. But I guess that's what moms are supposed to do right? She just stroked her fingers through my hair and rubbed my back every time I allowed the tears to fall freely.

Emmett and Rosalie came home just as the sun was starting to go down. They were laughing and joking around until they walked into the living room. Emmett's face froze and he rushed over to us.

"What's wrong with him Mom?" He kneeled down in front of me. "Bro?"

"Edward I'm going to make dinner, is it okay if Emmett sits with you?"

"Yes," I mumbled. "I appreciate it Mom but you don't have to sit with me. Go do what you need to do." I slowly sat up and ran my fingers through my hair.

"I'll help you," Rose said, making a quick exit and following Esme into the kitchen.

Emmett sat down on the couch next to me and put his legs up.

"Charlie knows," I said.

"Oh shit…man I'm sorry. Was he pissed?"

"Well he fired me and kicked me out of the house. Basically said that Bella and I weren't good for each other."

"He can't possibly know that…"

"It doesn't matter. In his mind he does."

"That's so fucked up…" He shook his head.

"That's not even the worst part. I had to…force Bella to let go of me. And then I had to drive down the road and watch her run after me. I barely made it back to the house before I completely lost it Emmett."

He was silent.

"I know I'm a pussy…"

"No you're not. You're just a guy who would do anything for his girl. I know what that's like man."

We all ate dinner in complete silence. I barely touched my food and I felt bad for that. Esme cleared her throat when she was finished and stood up.

"I'm going to go make up your room honey." She dropped her plate off in the sink and started towards the stairs.

"Mom you don't have to do that."

"Yes I do."

"No please. Just sit down and enjoy your dinner. I'll take care of it. I don't want to be some kind of burden to you."

"Edward you're not a…"

"Please…Mom." I managed a smile and she finally started back to the table. I forced myself to take a few more bites before I set my plate up at the sink.

"Um…I'm sorry for what happened earlier. It won't happen again. I was…" I struggled for the words.

"Hurting," Carlisle finished my sentence. "Don't apologize son." He nodded and I started towards the stairs.

"I'm going to bed."

I sauntered up the stairs and to my room, grabbing some sheets from the closet on the way. I slowly put them on and pulled my shirt off as I crawled into bed and turned out the light. I wanted today to be over. I wanted to go back to yesterday. And most of all I wanted her.

I woke up later to the sound of my phone ringing beside me. I didn't know how late it was or how long I'd been asleep, but it was still dark outside. I turned over and reached for it.

_Bella._

"Hello?"

"Edward…" She sniffled. My chest ached just hearing her voice, hearing so much pain. Knowing that she'd been crying all day over this.

"Hey baby…" I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to keep it together. I couldn't let what happened earlier happen again. Not while I'm talking to her.

"I miss you," she cried. I glanced over at the clock. It was a little after eleven.

"I miss you too. Are you all by yourself?" I didn't want her to be alone right now.

"Alice is here. She's sleeping." She sniffled again. "I really…I need to see you," she cried.

"We'll see each other soon I promise."

"I can't…I can't breathe without you here."

I choked back the tears and coughed. "Hey…calm down it's okay. Why don't you go to sleep and I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Can you come see me?"

"I don't know. I'll see."

"Promise me you'll try."

"I promise…" A tear slipped from the corner of my eye. That was just another promise I might have to break, but I couldn't tell her no. "Goodnight Bella. I love you."

"Love you."

I hung up and buried my head in my hands. I took a deep breath and turned my head to the side, glancing out the window and up at the sky. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, just like our night in the meadow a few days ago. I closed my eyes and pretended I was back there, where everything was all right and my girl was lying next to me. In this cold lonely bed it was all I had to hold onto.

**A/N: I know you want to cut Charlie's left nut off. I do too, trust me. * Glares at Charlie ***

**Leave one. **


	22. Intervention

**Bella**

"Bella come on!" Charlie yelled. "Get out of bed. You aren't going to be late for school again." I sighed and glanced at the clock. We had to leave in less than ten minutes if I had any dream of making it on time. I didn't give a fuck of course, but Charlie has really been up my ass about it this past week. He insisted on driving me to and from school. I hadn't seen Edward since he left. We talked every night, after Charlie went to sleep. But he'd been watching me like a fucking hawk. I couldn't get to Edward and he couldn't get to me. And since then I didn't give a shit about anything.

"Bella?" Charlie peeked his head inside. "Up."

I sighed and rolled out of bed. I shuffled to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, not even bothering to look in the mirror. I grabbed my bag out of my room and started downstairs. Charlie was waiting by the front door and looked me up and down before opening the door. I jumped into his cruiser and he started down the driveway.

"That shirt again huh?" He laughed nervously and nodded towards me. I looked down at Edward's army shirt and sighed. "Still giving me the silent treatment I see." He turned his eyes to the road. I let my eyes drift outside to the trees whipping past us. I haven't spoken to him since Edward left. He should have gotten the hint by now.

He pulled into the parking lot and up to the curb. I looked out at everyone, completely annoyed. I didn't want to be here. If he would have let me drive my fucking car I would have skipped and been at Edward's in an instant. Knowing Charlie he probably had one of his rookie's stationed here to keep an eye on me. Thank God it was Friday and I could be away from these assholes for two whole days. Too bad I was only going home to an even bigger one.

"Have a good day," he started to say as I got out. I slammed the door and cut him off midsentence. I spotted Alice and Jasper up by the entrance of the school and started making my way through the crowd. I ignored the snickers and the whispers as I passed and headed straight for them. Jasper smiled as I approached but Alice had a scowl on her face.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you even have to ask?" She crossed her arms and looked down at my shirt. "That is the fifth day in a row you've worn that shirt Bella." She leaned forward and sniffed. "Are you even showering?"

"Alice…" Jasper scolded.

"No Jazz. This is serious. We need to stage an intervention or something. It's getting out of control."

Jasper smiled and slung his arm around my shoulder. "Sorry Bells. You know how she gets about clothes." He shook his head. "How have you been doing?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"That good huh? Listen, this thing is going to blow over. Trust me okay?"

"I trust you Jazz. I just don't trust my dad."

"Keep your chin up kid. I gotta go, I have my own classes to get to." He kissed quickly kissed Alice and started towards the parking lot.

I offered a small smile to a scowling Alice and started towards class. I kept my eyes on the floor as I walked straight to my desk. I sat down and closed my eyes, laying my head down on the desktop and wishing this day would be over.

"Oh don't be so sad Swan. You do get to sit next to me for the next fifty minutes…" I groaned as James sat down next to me.

"Can't you just leave me alone for one damn day asshole?"

"Of course not. That wouldn't be much fun now would it?" He scooted closer and laughed. "Can I take you out to dinner?"

"You would have thought the first ten times I said no would have been a sufficient answer to that," I sighed.

"Well to any normal person it would, but your circumstances have changed so I just thought…"

"My circumstances have not changed."

"But I thought your…bodyguard moved out."

I sat up and turned towards him. "Listen dickwad. I know Charlie told Aro and I know Aro told you so don't bullshit me. You know exactly what's going on with Edward and I so don't pretend to play innocent. Don't think for one second just because he's not living in the house that things between us have changed."

"We'll see how long that lasts…" He lowered his voice as the teacher began to speak.

I sighed and stared straight ahead, trying to ignore him. As soon as the bell rang I scooted out of there, not wanting another run in with him. And that's what I did the rest of the day. Scooted out of places. I didn't want to talk to anyone; I didn't want to see anyone. I even avoided Alice. In fact I hadn't seen Alice since this morning.

The final bell rang and I darted out of school before anyone could muster a comment my way. Charlie's cruiser was sitting at the curb, just like it had everyday. I still wasn't used to seeing it instead of Edward's car.

"How was your day?" Charlie smiled as I got in. I didn't say anything. I just set my bag on the floor and sat back in my seat. "Well good," he huffed. He put the car in drive and was just about to drive away when Alice tapped on his window. My brow furrowed in confusion as he rolled down the window to talk with her. Where the hell had she been all day?

"Hello Alice, how are you sweetie?"

"I'm very well Charlie, how about yourself?"

"I'm alright."

"Great. Can I talk you to you in private for a moment?" She nodded to the front of the car. Charlie sighed and glanced over at me before getting out of the car. They walked around to the front and I turned down the radio so I could listen.

"Charlie she's been an absolute mess this week and I know you've seen it. I was wondering if it would be okay if she stayed at my place tonight? You know, have some girl time? I think it would help a lot." Alice smiled. That was the last thing I needed was girl time. The thought of sitting around painting my nails and gossiping about the latest scandal made me want to throw up. But I guess if it got me away from Charlie I'd be up for it. I don't know if he would be though. He's been two steps behind me this entire week, almost like he was nervous about something. He even took a few days off work. He was really taking this whole thing to another level and it was ridiculous.

Charlie put his hands on his hips and looked back at me. I pretended to be playing with the radio.

"You're right Alice," he sighed. "That would be great. Thank you. Do you want me to drop her off later?"

"No I'll just take her now. I have a whole evening planned for us. We're going to the salon and getting a massage and getting our nails done and I've got a whole waxing session pla…"

"That's quite enough Alice." He shuffled back to the car and leaned his head in. "Bells would you like to stay with Alice tonight?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I know you're grounded. I'm willing to lift it for tonight if you promise to…give a little more effort okay?"

I grabbed my bag off the floor and got out, not bothering to say goodbye to Charlie. Alice smiled as we walked to her car and I could only imagine all of the horrors she had in store for me. We both got in and sat as we watched Charlie's cruiser drive away.

"Thanks Alice," I mumbled. "But we really don't have to do…all that stuff. I just needed to get out of the house." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as she started out of the parking lot.

"Oh it's okay we aren't doing any of that. I did get you a little present though." I raised an eyebrow at her as her grin grew wider. "Don't freak out it's nothing really, just a little something to lift your spirits. It's in the backseat." She nodded back.

I slowly turned around, expecting to see a giant teddy bear or something like that. My jaw dropped as I examined the backseat.

"Hi," Edward said. He was crouched down, lying across the seat, a lazy smile across his face.

"Oh my God," I whispered a moment before launching myself into the backseat. I landed with a thud on his chest and wrapped my arms around him. "How…what are you doing here?" I said, reaching up to kiss him.

"You needed me. I'm here."

I smiled and buried face into his neck.

"I miss you so much."

"I miss you too baby…" He kissed the top of my head and rubbed his hands up and down my back.

We drove for a little while. I didn't know how long or how far. I couldn't take my eyes off of Edward's face. You never realize how much you need something until it's taken away from you. And this right here? I needed this.

I could tell we had arrived at our destination because Alice slowed to a stop. I sat up and looked around, realizing we were at the Cullen's.

"Have fun you two. I'll be back to pick Bella up at ten tomorrow morning."

I smiled and jumped out of the car, pulling Edward with me.

"We're staying here tonight?" I asked.

"Esme and Carlisle are out of town for a conference."

I grabbed his hand as we walked inside.

As soon as the door closed behind us he planted his hands firmly my waist and pressed me up against the wall.

"There's something I've wanted to say to you…ever since you got in the car." He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. "I love you, but…you smell. Really…really bad. This shirt and you need a shower."

I laughed and pressed my forehead to his shoulder. "I didn't want to lose the smell of you. It was all I had…" I whispered.

His face turned serious. He grazed his finger along my chin and tilted my eyes up towards his.

"I didn't leave that for you because I wanted you to be like this Bella. I mean I wanted you to have something, but don't shut yourself off. Don't do that."

"I know," I sighed. "I just…I'm lost without you."

"You aren't without me. And you aren't lost. You are the strongest person I know, so start acting like it."

It's been awhile since he's been this forceful with me, but he was right. I had to start believing in the words I was telling everyone else. Otherwise I was lying to them and I was lying to myself.

I nodded, conceding to him as he grabbed my hand and led me towards the stairs. We walked up and around, starting towards the bathroom. He pulled me inside and leaned over the bathtub, turning the knobs on. He walked over to the sink and grabbed something from the cabinet underneath before walking back to the tub. As soon as he drizzled the pink liquid into the water, bubbles started bursting to life all across the water.

"This isn't necessary Edward…" I shook my head.

"Yes it is." He grabbed a pack of matches from the counter and lit a few of the candles surrounding the bathtub.

"Okay," he said, pausing in front of me. "Arms up."

I hesitated and threw my arms above my head. He reached down and grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it up over my head.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he started towards the door. I know I was a little bit crazy but I got this panicky feeling as soon as I saw him leaving. I felt like as soon as he left I'd be back in my own room and this would all be a dream.

"I'm coming back don't worry. I just want to throw this in the washer. Get in," he smiled and nodded towards the bathtub. The bubbles were at the top, almost spilling over the edge. I sighed as I heard the door close behind me and pushed my bra strap off my shoulder. It fell to the floor and was quickly joined by my jeans and underwear. I turned off the water and hesitantly dipped my toe into the warm water. It was almost too hot, but just cool enough that I stepped in and sat down, allowing the foam to envelop me.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes, trying to relax. I finally felt all the tension from the past week start to ease. I sank further into the water and let my muscles loosen up.

The door creaked and my eyes shot open to Edward coming back in. He closed the door behind him and sat down next to the bathtub. His fingers traced along the edge as he tilted his head to the side.

"What are you thinking about?" I said softly.

"Has Charlie hired someone else yet?"

"No." I shook my head. "He's interviewing someone tomorrow morning." I looked down into the water and ran my hands over the top of the bubbles. "Why?"

"Just wondering." He forced a smile and turned his eyes back to the slow movements of his finger.

"Hey…" I whispered, sitting up and pulling myself closer to him. "Come here…" I waited as he brought his face closer to mine. He smiled and pressed his forehead to mine as I kissed his hands. Something was bothering him. And it was something different than all this other bullshit. For the first time I actually took in his appearance. He looked tired, completely worn out. The dark circles under his eyes were even more visible now.

I inched my lips forward to meet his, gently grazing them across his skin. My fingers reached down his neck and to the top of his shirt. "Arms up," I whispered.

He complied and raised his arms high above his head as I struggled to get his shirt off. He stood up and tugged his jeans down, stepping out of them a moment before he lowered himself into the water in front of me. As soon as he sat down I scooted forward and pulled myself onto his lap, wrapping my arms and legs around him. He buried his face into my shoulder, the roughness of his stubble rubbing against my skin. My damp hair clung to my back as he reached around and grabbed the soap. He started making small circles all down my back, the scent of the soap rising all around us. I rested my head on his shoulder and completely melted into him.

"Lean back," he whispered. I did as he said, leaning my entire body back and allowing my head to descend into the water. I wiped at my eyes and shook my head as I came back up. He had a mound of shampoo in his hands as he started to rub them together. He started running his fingers through my hair, massaging my head as the lather started. He turned his body to turn on the water again, grabbing a cup from the edge and filling it up. He raised it up above my head and rinsed everything out. I closed my eyes and let it wash over me.

When he was finished he stood up and stepped out of the bathtub, grabbing a couple of towels off the rack. He wrapped one around his waist and held the other one out for me. I stood up and shook my hair out as I stepped out of the tub. Edward reached out and wrapped the towel around my body. I shivered a little as he pulled me into his arms.

"Come on let's get you some clothes…" Edward whispered. He walked to the door and pulled it open, sticking his hand out to me. He pulled me out into the hallway and down to his room. He closed the door behind us and I sat down on the edge of the bed. He bent down in front of his dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer, rummaging through it slowly.

"Do you want sweatpants, shorts….? I could probably find something of Rosalie's in Emmett's room if you want actual women's clothing?"

I found my eyes wandering down the planes of his back, watching as his muscles flexed and relaxed with his movements. I didn't even realize I was biting down on my lips until I felt the searing pain through my skin.

I kept my eyes on Edward as I stood up and allowed my towel to drop to the floor.

"Actually I think I'm okay…" I said softly.

"What?" He asked, standing up and turning towards me. His eyes widened as he took in my bare form. "Oh…" He mumbled.

I smiled and took a few steps towards him, reaching out my fingers to brush against his stomach. My eyes trailed my fingers as they made their way across the top of his towel and dipped underneath, pulling the towel away from his body. It landed with a soft thud next to mine.

He reached up and brushed my wet hair from my face a moment before pressing his lips to mine. It was rougher than before. Raw. I lost all train of thought, unable to focus on anything except for the way his lips moved against mine.

His hands drifted down my back and continued south, grasping onto my thighs and pulling my legs up around him. He spun us around and set me on his desk. The shelves above me rattled as I slammed into them. I reached up and grasped onto the lowest shelf to steady myself as Edward pushed his hips to meet mine. My fingers instinctively clawed into his back and slowly dragged down as he grunted with his movements.

"Harder…" I whimpered. I was so desperate to feel his skin against mine I didn't care how rough or intense it was. I wanted him all around me, enveloping every inch of me.

A few picture frames fell from his shelves and crashed to the floor but he didn't stop. I could tell we were both so close to the edge, desperate just to find that release that we found in one another. It almost surprised me in a way that this kind of sex would be this way. There was no lack of love or adoration. Or attention. It was just as full, just different. Never like anything I'd experienced before. I started to realize that maybe it had more to who you were with. I had a feeling making love to Edward was always going to be this way. And just knowing that sent me over the edge. An intense wave of satisfaction rocked through me and I cried out, barely noticing the cracking of the shelves above us. Edward slammed me into them once more before they came crashing down on top of us. He didn't even flinch. He laid his head on my shoulder, his breath ragged and uneven. He stayed there for a few minutes, his shoulders heaving. He finally looked me in the eye and smiled that sly smirk of his that almost sent me again.

"I guess we made a mess huh?" He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine.

"Edward!" Emmett's voice yelled from out in the hallway. "What the hell are you doing in there?"

Edward's eyes widened and scrambled to grab for our towels. He finally gave up and just pushed me onto the bed and pulled the covers over our bodies. I gasped as Edward's door flew open and Emmett stepped in.

"Shit Edward, your shelves….fell…" He trailed off as he saw us in bed. "Hi Bella."

I managed a wave, trying not to laugh.

"I'm gonna leave now." He nodded and walked out, his face red as a tomato.

As soon as he closed the door I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore. I fell back into the bed and threw my head back, laughing so hard that my stomach started to hurt.

"You think that was funny?" Edward smiled and kinked an eyebrow.

"It was fucking brilliant!" I said, barely able to speak.

"Oh really?" He laughed and pulled the covers over our heads, quickly tickling me within an inch of my sanity. I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed that hard.

**Edward**

I glanced at the clock for the fifth time in the last few minutes. It was 4:50 in the morning. I was parked outside Bella's house, just outside the gate. Charlie was fucking nuts if he thought I was lying about sitting out here. There was no way I was leaving her alone in there.

Of course it drove me damn near crazy, just knowing she was so close and I still couldn't be with her. I'd tried the day after I'd left but Charlie was at the house all day. His cruiser never left and I knew he'd see me driving in.

I rubbed at my eyes and reached for my coffee. This staying up all night was really starting to take a toll on me. Esme didn't say anything about it but I knew she was worried. I slept pretty much all day, woke up around three or four and geared up for the rest of the night. It was crazy, I know. But I couldn't just sit at home wondering every night like I'd done that first night. It was brutal.

Bella didn't know. Hell, half the time she called me at night I was sitting right outside her house. If she knew I was sure she'd come running outside and that would just cause more problems with Charlie. That wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to make sure she was safe. It was still my job as the man who loved her, even though I wasn't officially her bodyguard anymore. That picture has made me paranoid as shit and I can't for the life of me understand why Charlie seemed so blasé about it. As crazy as it sounds I couldn't wait for her to get a new bodyguard.

I struggled to keep my eyes open as the minutes ticked by. I knew Charlie would be up soon and I always left right around then. I didn't want him seeing me here. I watched the windows intently, looking for any sign of movement. When I finally saw Charlie's curtains open I turned the car on and left. I probably shouldn't be driving right now I was so damn tired. I just hoped he'd find a replacement soon. I couldn't keep this up for much longer.

I parked my car outside and walked into the house. No one was awake yet, of course. Carlisle should be up in about an hour to get ready for work. I went straight up to my room and collapsed onto my bed, falling asleep the instant my head hit the pillow.

I woke hours later to Esme running her fingers through my hair.

"Morning Mom."

"Edward it's two o'clock." She smiled sadly. "You've got to stop doing this honey. You're going to wear yourself out."

"It's just until he finds someone else…" I yawned and stretched my arms out above me.

"You have a young lady here who wants to see you. Carlisle and I are just leaving for the weekend do you need anything else?" That perked my interest. It couldn't be Bella could it?

"Uh…no thanks. Who is it?"

"Her name is Alice. Said she's a friend of Bella's?"

I jumped out of bed and ran towards the door. I barely touched the stairs, completely panicked that something had happened to her.

"Alice what's wrong?" I almost ran into her. She stood by the front door tapping her foot impatiently.

"What's wrong? Your girlfriend smells like foul garbage because she refuses to take off that damn shirt you gave her. I need your help. I can't take it anymore."

"God Alice I thought something was seriously wrong."

"This is serious Edward!" She stomped her foot.

"Okay fine what do you want me to do?"

"She needs to spend some time with you."

"I've tried Alice. Charlie is watching her every move. How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"With my help." She smiled. "Get in the car." She nodded outside and left. I scratched my head and eventually followed her out.

"And how do you plan on making this work?" I kinked an eyebrow.

"Bella is coming to my house for a sleepover tonight." She smiled.

"You think Charlie will believe that?"

"Please. I have Charlie wrapped around my perfectly manicured finger."

"Alright. I hope it works."

"It will get in the back seat and stay down."

I laughed and hopped in the back, doing my best to lay down flat. She parked the car and I could hear all the kids outside. She got out and left me there for about ten minutes before coming back. I sighed in relief as I heard the passenger's door open. It worked. I tried to keep quiet, not wanting to startle her.

I couldn't contain my smile when she finally looked back at me. Her eyes widened and in an instant she was on top of me.

And five hours later she was on top of me again. We hadn't left bed since Emmett walked in. I think we were both nervous he'd burst in again. She told me all about her week, which she deemed fairly uneventful besides the endless fights she was having with her dad.

"Baby I really wish you wouldn't fight with him. That's not what I want." I brushed her hair out of her eyes.

"I know. But I can't…I can't forgive him yet Edward. I know he thinks he's just protecting me or some bullshit but he's so wrong and stubborn. I just can't understand him."

"Well in all fairness I did break the rules."

"But I wanted you to…" she whispered, tracing patterns on my chest. "This is different and he knows it Edward."

"Yeah…" I ran my fingers slowly down her spine.

She sighed just as her stomach growled. I winced, realizing I'd forgotten to feed her.

"Is Bella hungry?" I asked.

"Bella is starving." She sat up and scooted off the bed. I stood and ran my fingers through my hair as I searched for something to wear. She skipped to my closet and fingered through my clothes, finally pulling out a blue button up and slipping it on.

I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and threw some of my boxers her way. She pulled them on and opened the door, jumping out into the hallway. I shook my head, trying to wake up from laying in bed practically all day and all night, and started out into the hallway. I could hear Emmett and Rose downstairs talking to each other as we started down.

"Hey guys," I mumbled.

Emmett cleared his throat and diverted his eyes to the ground.

"Wow Emmett I don't think I've ever seen you so flustered…" Bella joked.

"Well I guess I'll just have to knock from now on," he said.

"We were thinking about ordering a pizza, do you guys want some?" Rosalie stood up and started towards her purse. She reached inside and grabbed her phone.

"Yes please." Bella smiled. She pulled me down into the chair and settled on my lap.

The pizza came quicker than usual and we spent the rest of the night watching movies and talking. And to be honest it was a welcome change from all this tension we've been going through lately. It was nice to just…be. Just hang out. Not worry about Charlie or anyone else for that matter. It was just us. And I was going to fully fucking enjoy it because who knows when we'd be able to do this again. I really hoped our relationship wouldn't come to this, but it was a possible reality. Stolen moments every few weeks and sneaky rendezvous may be all we have right now.

I yawned and stretched my arms above my head. Bella mumbled a little, her head resting on my chest. I leaned down and smiled when I saw her eyes were closed. Emmett and Rose were both asleep on the couch. I reached for the remote and shut the TV off before scooping Bella into my arms and carrying her upstairs.

I laid her down on the bed and started to cover her up, but she reached up for me.

"Don't leave me…" She said softly, her eyes still closed.

"I'm not leaving," I laughed, hopping over her and rolling into bed.

She quickly scooted herself over to me and draped her arms across me.

I watched as her eyes fluttered a little, almost like she was fighting to stay awake.

"Go to sleep…" I whispered, kissing the top of her head.

"I want to stay awake," she said.

"Okay." I smiled in the darkness, knowing there's no way she'll make it much longer.

Five minutes later I felt her breathing regulate against me.

"Bella?" I whispered. No answer.

I smiled and finally allowed my eyes to really close for the first time this week.

I slept so deeply I didn't even feel my dreams. I'm sure all of them had to do with her, but regardless I didn't remember a damn thing. It was almost like I was opening my eyes an instant later, awaking to the sun streaming through my window.

I slipped silently out of bed, making sure that Bella was covered up before I left. Rosalie was already making coffee in the kitchen. I think this is why we bonded like we did. We were the only morning people in the house. I can't even count the mornings we'd sat in the kitchen drinking our coffee and talking hours before anyone else would even think about getting up. Emmett wouldn't even dream of getting up before eleven. It kind of left her with a lot of free time.

"Good morning Rosalie," I said, shuffling into the room. She grabbed an extra cup from the cupboard and poured me some coffee.

"Edward."

I sat down on the barstool and ran my fingers through my hair.

"How did you sleep?" She asked, coming over to join me.

"Best night I've had all week." I smiled and took a sip.

"Edward I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but do you really think this is a healthy thing for either of you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Sneaking around behind Charlie's back. Always looking over your shoulder. It's no way to live. Or love."

"Are you telling me you wouldn't do the same for Emmett if you were in this situation?"

That shut her up, but apparently I still had something to say. I wasn't angry with her but I felt so compelled to defend us to her. It wasn't her I wanted to defend us to, it was everyone else. I felt like the whole damn world was against us. I sighed and grasped my coffee cup, ignoring the burn on my hands.

"You're telling me that you wouldn't go through hell just to have one more moment with him, one more kiss, one more hug. That nothing….nothing could stop you from being with him. You'd fucking die for him Rosalie….wouldn't you?"

"Yes," she said, looking straight into my eyes. "I would."

"Okay then…" I took a sip from my coffee just as a piercing scream rang from upstairs. I dropped my coffee and sprung for the stairs.

"Bella!" I yelled as I sprinted down the hallway to my room.

"Bella it's okay…" Emmett was hovering over her, his face panicked.

"What the hell happened?" I asked, pushing him out of the way.

"I don't know man, I was asleep and the next thing I knew I heard her screaming so I ran down here." He backed up into the corner and watched.

"Baby…" I said, trying to calm her down. Her body was thrashing violently across the bed, her eyes still closed. "Bella wake up…" I grabbed her shoulders and steadied her. Her eyes finally shot open, darting from place to place.

"What happened?" She said, out of breath. Her eyes were red and puffy from the tears that now littered my pillow.

"I think you were dreaming. Are you okay?" I brushed her hair out of her face.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Emmett can you go get her some water?"

He disappeared out into the hallway, passing Rose in the doorway. My phone started vibrating on the nightstand, buzzing and jumping across the surface.

"Alice?" I answered.

"Edward Bella needs to be at my house. Like five minutes ago!" Her voice sounded panicked.

"Why?"

"Because apparently her phone is dead and Charlie just called here and is coming to get her! Said it was really important."

"Oh shit…" I mumbled. I hung up the phone and quickly pulled the covers off Bella. "We've gotta go. Charlie's on his way to Alice's to pick you up!"

She jumped out of bed and started scrambling to find her shoes. I threw one at her as she put the other on. I grabbed her arm and pulled her out of my room and out the door.

We pulled into Alice's house and around the back. I didn't want Charlie to see me leaving so I'd probably just wait it out here until they left. Bella and I scooted inside and almost ran into Alice pacing right by her front door.

"Thank all things Holy I thought you guys weren't going to make it!" She sighed.

"What did he say?" Bella asked.

"Not much. Just that he needed you to come home right now and that he was on his way to get you."

"I wonder what it is…" Bella said softly to herself. I still wanted to ask her about what happened this morning but it didn't look like I was going to get a chance to anytime soon.

My eyes flickered to some movement out in the driveway as Charlie's cruiser pulled in.

Bella turned towards me, instantly almost on the verge of tears.

"No," I said adamantly. "No. Crying." I took a step forward and wiped her eyes.

"I can't help it. I'm a shitstorm of emotions right now Edward, what am I supposed to do?" She wrapped her arms around me and nuzzled into my chest.

"You're supposed to be strong just like we talked about remember?" I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. I glanced out at the driveway and saw Charlie start to get out of his car. "You better go."

She nodded and tilted her head up to press her lips to mine.

"I'll see you soon," I whispered.

She quickly turned away from me and ran out the door. Charlie met her at the front of the car and they exchanged a few words. By the look of it Bella didn't like what she heard. She started yelling and screaming and I wanted nothing more than to run out and tell her to stop, but I couldn't. Charlie started shouting back at her and pointed for her to get in the car. She crossed her arms and stomped to the passenger's side, slamming the door as she got inside. She chanced one more look in my direction before they turned around and disappeared down the driveway.

**A/N: And the plot thickens....what do you think Charlie told Bella? **

**There is also a new banner in the flickr account on my profile : ) And add me on facebook if you haven't yet "MandyLeigh Fanfic"  
**

**Also I don't know if I'll be able to update again this week...I have midterms next week so we'll see how studying goes. Thanks again for being so patient. XOXO  
**


	23. Helpless

**A/N: A few things. I think fanfiction is still fail for alerts like it has been all week. Some people have not even read the last chapter because they have no idea it's been posting which sucks, but I did end up getting another one done so here it is. If you know anyone else reading can you send out an alert that I'm updating? Or I guess even if you know anyone who's not reading haha.**

**Secondly, I started a blog for this story. And it's going to have some goodies for you and a real opportunity for you to interact and be a part of the characters and the story. So check it out. There's a link on my profile.**

**Also some of you guessed Charlie's news right. *wink*  
**

**Bella**

"What the hell was so important that it couldn't wait?" I asked as I ran outside.

"Oh good she's talking to me again," Charlie huffed. "I have someone waiting at the house for you and I thought it would be best for you to meet him as soon as possible."

I racked my mind for who this mystery person could be and it instantly hit me that he had an interview this morning for a new bodyguard.

"You hired someone else?" I screamed.

"Now Bella don't talk to me like that!" He stomped his foot. "Just get in the car!" He pointed towards the car and sighed. "There are things…"

"Things I don't know! Blah, blah, blah." I started towards the car. "You know you could resolve that issue by actually filling me in on these things that are supposedly so important. Do me a favor, shoot me an email or something when you decide to treat me like an adult so I'll be ready." I got in the car and slammed the door.

"I'll treat you like an adult when you act like one," he said, opening his door and getting inside. Despite all my best efforts I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"Exactly," Charlie said, putting the car into gear. I chanced one last look at the window I knew Edward was behind. I couldn't see him of course, but I knew he was there and it made me feel dismally better. But better.

"I see you've showered. I'll have to thank Alice for that later," Charlie glanced my way. _Actually you can thank Edward. _I crossed my arms and sat seething for the rest of the ride home. I was mildly interested in meeting the next clown. If Charlie thought I was a pain in the ass before he'll be in for a rude awakening. I'll have this guy running by tomorrow.

I noticed a new car in the driveway. The prick drives a Mustang. Obviously a douche bag.

I started up towards the house as soon as Charlie parked the car, but he cleared his throat and nodded towards Edward's house. Or I guess it wasn't Edward's anymore. It was _his_, whoever he was. And I hated him just for that. It wasn't fair, but I couldn't help it. I would hate whoever it was simply because it wasn't Edward.

I sighed and followed Charlie down to the house. He knocked politely on the door and waited for him to answer. The door finally opened and a tall, built man stepped out. His blonde hair flickered in the sun and was nothing like the reddish brown I was used to. He looked like he was pushing thirty-five, maybe forty.

"Riley this is my daughter Isabella."

"Actually it's Bella…" I said softly, glaring at this new man in my life.

"Hello Isabella," Riley said, clearly disregarding my request. His voice was cold, but confident at the same time. Like he knew he was good at his job and that I should be honored he was here. _Be ready asshole, I'm about to bitchslap you into reality. You're just a steroid-popping, pompous ass that probably has a dick the size of a…_

"Bella?" Charlie said. I didn't realize I was staring at Riley like I was trying to make him spontaneously combust with my mind. After realizing this I consciously tried it for a few seconds before spinning around and starting towards the house. Maybe I'd have to look into getting a voodoo doll.

I flew up to my room and flung my bag on my bed. I opened it and started rummaging through everything, actually thinking about getting all my homework for the weekend done today. Maybe it'll keep my mind off that abomination downstairs.

I pulled out my math book and my History notebook and tried with no avail to find something to write with. I reached into my small front pocket that I never used, hoping to find a pencil in there. I was surprised to feel plastic between my fingers. My brow furrowed as I pulled out a small bag of weed. I don't remember where it came from or how long it'd been in there but shit was I glad to see it. Homework would have to wait. I smiled and pulled out some before leaning over and grabbing some paper I had stashed in my bottom drawer.

I jumped as someone knocked on my door, frantically grabbing for my books and throwing them over the stash I had laid out.

"Yeah?" I squeaked. The door opened and Charlie reached his head in.

"I'd like to have a talk with both you and Riley down in the kitchen please. You stormed off so quickly before I didn't get a chance to." It wasn't a request.

I hesitated and scooted off the bed. I guess my other activities will have to wait a little longer. I'd probably need it even more after this. I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Riley was already sitting at the table, his hands folded on the table. I pulled myself up on the counter and crossed my arms.

"Bella please sit at the table," Charlie said.

"I'm fine where I am."

"Isabella your father just told you to sit at the table. I suggest you do it," Riley said. There was something in his voice that actually scared me. Almost like he really didn't give a shit about appearances in front of Charlie.

I hopped down and sat across from him. Charlie sat down at the head of the table and cleared his throat.

"Alright now honestly this talk is just to go over ground rules. Bella I know you already know them, but I thought you might need a refresher and I want everyone to be on the same page. Bella is not allowed to drink or smoke…anything. She is not allowed to go out at night unless it is with someone I have previously approved. I know this seems a little overbearing but there are reasons, so Riley please do not hesitate to enforce these strictly. Any questions?"

"No sir," Riley said quickly.

"Alright I've got to go to work, make up for the time I lost this week." Charlie got up and grabbed his jacket, heading out the door and leaving Riley and I alone. I started to get up but was abruptly caught off by his voice.

"Sit."

I sat back down and looked down at the table.

"Listen carefully. Charlie told me about everything that happened with your last bodyguard. Do not be so naïve that you think I will be anything like him. And frankly he's a disgrace to our profession." I stood up quickly, my fists clenched at my sides ready to defend Edward. How dare he? He has no idea what kind of man he is. I started to open my mouth, but he raised his finger. "Wait I'm not finished. I would never even consider half of the things he allowed you to do. And to be completely honest," he looked me up and down, "I have no interest in fucking you." He stood up and walked away and I was left completely dumbfounded.

"Um…Okay." I spun around and headed back upstairs. I think I sat on the edge of the bed, his words echoing in my head. Not that I wanted to fuck him but no one's ever said anything like that to me. I reached for my phone and dialed Alice's number.

"Hello?"

"Alice…" I said softly.

"Bella what's wrong? Do I need to call Edward? What's happening?"

"I've got a new bodyguard."

"Oh…" she sighed. "Well fuck."

"Yeah."

"How is he?"

"He's older…and big…and apparently he has no interest in me sexually which is good."

"How would you know that?"

"He told me."

"Whoa. Thinks he's a badass huh?"

"Very. He drives a Mustang."

"Shit. This one sounds tougher than…anyone."

I lay back on my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. "This is bad Alice. This is like infinitely bad," I said, my voice growing tenser with each word. This was ridiculous. This guy was like Terminator meets Hulk.

"Jazz just pulled up. Call me later if you need me." She hung up the phone and I grabbed my remote. If I couldn't find a Cops episode I was going to flip. I breathed a sigh of relief as I landed on an all day marathon and settled back into my pillows, losing myself in the life of Deputy Stanley Tracy.

I slowly drifted in and out of sleep all day, occasionally sneaking downstairs to grab some food. I avoided Captain Asshole thankfully. I didn't want to see him again today. In fact I didn't really care to see him ever again but the chances of that happening are slim to none. Charlie called once….or five times, but I ignored his call. He was the second person on my shit list right now.

I stood up out of my bed and stretched my arms above my head. The sun was just starting to set behind the trees and I was fairly sure I wouldn't sleep all night since I'd napped all damn day.

I dialed Edward's number, wanting to tell him all about my new babysitter. I think a part of me waited so long because I was scared to tell him. I didn't want to think he was replaced or anything. I mean I guess he is technically, but just with Charlie. No one could ever replace him with me. It rang a few times and went to voicemail.

"Fucking great!" I yelled, throwing my phone down on my bed. My phone landed directly on the end of my books that I'd planned on studying earlier. I sat down and grabbed it, hoping that I hadn't completely broken it. That would just be the fucking cherry to top my day.

It was only then that everything from earlier today floated back to me. I suddenly remembered the books and the little bag of happy that was situated underneath them.

I smiled and pulled out the plastic bag, grabbing the rest of my supplies and heading for the window.

The air was starting to get way too cold for this shit. I reached inside and grabbed the blanket sitting on my windowsill. I wrapped it around myself and shivered as I settled into the roof. I leaned forward and curved my hands over my newly rolled joint and lit it with my lighter, turning away from the cold wind. I took a long drag and laid back. The clouds were out in full force tonight. Not a star in sight. With my luck a clusterfuck of a rainstorm would creep up on me.

My mind started drifting away as I tilted my head from side to side trying to make shapes out of the clouds. I don't know what I would have done if I wouldn't have found this stuff in my bag. It was my only other relaxation besides Edward. And since he wasn't here…

I took a long drag and sat up, looking around at the darkness. I noticed a small sliver of light from down by the guesthouse. I wonder what he was doing in there? I scooted a little closer to the edge and tried to see into the house. My eyes trailed from window to window, looking for any movement. I froze as I reached the front door and saw a pair of eyes glaring at me from an overly pissed looking Riley.

"Shit," I gasped, quickly pulling the joint from my lips. I started coughing, not prepared for the sudden intake of breath. I slumped over and tried to breathe as I rubbed my joint out. When I finally looked up again Riley's house was dark and he was nowhere to be seen. I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back into the roof, listening to the intense beats of my heart going about a mile a minute. Maybe he didn't see me. I turned around and started crawling back into my window, my body trying to battle out the conflict between the calm of the weed and the intense panic of seeing Riley. Or Riley seeing me. Either way it would have created shit of epic proportions.

As soon as I planted my foot on the floor there was a loud knock at my door.

"Isabella I know you're in there. I saw you on the roof." He knocked again and I cowered in the corner. Maybe if I didn't say anything he'd think he was hallucinating. Like I wasn't really on my roof. Maybe I was in my bed sleeping this entire time.

Before I could think up any other absurd explanation my door flew open and Riley stepped inside.

"What the fuck?" I screamed. "Excuse me?"

"Give it to me."

"Give you what?"

He turned on the light and started looking around my room.

"Whatever you were just smoking out there. Give it to me. All of it. And I'll need all your lighters and any other paraphernalia."

"I'm not giving you shit," I spat.

"Very well." He walked over to my desk and started opening random drawers, emptying them out onto the floor.

"What the hell are you doing? That's my stuff you asshole!" I ran over to him and tried to push him away. He didn't budge.

"I asked you for something and you refused. I'm fully within my job requirements to enforce the rules Charlie has. And you've clearly broken them." After he finished on the desk he bent down on my floor and started looking under my bed.

This was so beyond anything I'd ever imagined. This guy was insane. I groaned and grabbed my phone as I ran out of the room.

"Seattle Police Department," the secretary answered.

"Rita it's Bella. I need to talk to him."

"I'm sorry Bella he's out on a call right now. Would you like me to pass along a message?"

I clenched my teeth and kicked at the wall in the hallway. "Yes. Could you please tell him that the new bodyguard he hired is a fucking psychopath who ascended from the deepest pits of hell to make my life shit."

There was silence on the other end.

"Did you get all that Rita?"

"Um," she said softly. "I think I got it Bella."

"Thank you oh so much." I hung up the phone and immediately dialed Edward's number as I ran downstairs and out the front door.

"Bella?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"You need to come get me."

"What? Why? Are you okay?"

"He's raiding my fucking room like I'm in a fucking prison!" I screamed out into the night and pulled at my hair.

"Charlie?"

"No Riley. He's the new hired help around here."

"You didn't tell me about him."

"No I didn't. I tried but you didn't answer your fucking phone!" I didn't know why I was yelling at him. I was just so mad I wanted to take it out on someone. "It doesn't matter. Look can you please just come get me. Please."

"Okay just relax I'll be right there." He hung up and I sat down on the front steps, listening to the faint sounds of my room being torn apart upstairs.

**Edward**

I stood with Alice and watched her drive away. I was anxious to hear what the hell her and Charlie were arguing about but she obviously wasn't happy about it.

"I'll see ya Alice," I said softly, turning to leave when Charlie's car had disappeared.

"Edward wait." She grabbed my arm. "I know Charlie doesn't think so but I want you to know. I think you're the best thing for Bella and I appreciate you taking care of her the way you do. She's never…had that before and she deserves it. So thank you."

"You're welcome little one." Despite all the shit going on a small smile spread across my face at her words. I leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head before I left.

I took my time driving home. I stopped at the store and picked up some food for later. I'm sure Rosalie would want to cook us something for dinner since Esme and Carlisle were gone. She always liked to step in as the wife. I think in her mind she imagined that she was married to Emmett and it was their house. I guess that'd make me the bum brother who lives with them. She'd never admit to being that soft but I think she was very impatiently waiting for him to pop the question.

I pulled into the driveway and saw Rosalie's car was still here. I got out and walked around to the trunk to get the bags of groceries before walking inside.

"What's all that for?" Rosalie asked.

"I thought we'd need supplies for dinner tonight."

She smiled and rushed over to grab a few bags. We carried them into the kitchen and she started putting them all away.

"Where's Em?" I asked.

"He's in the weight room." She nodded down the hallway towards the room that was reserved for any and all the workout equipment we had. When you had two sons in the army it was kind of important.

I nodded and left down the hallway. As I approached I heard the sounds of the weights clinking back and forth against each other. I slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

"Hey bro," I said. Emmett set the weight he was lifting on the holder and sat up, wiping the sweat from the back of his neck.

"Hey. Is Bella alright? I mean this morning was kind of…intense."

"Yeah she's okay. I'm sorry about that she seems to have a problem with bad dreams sometimes."

"Does she ever tell you what they're about?"

"Not really. I assume her step dad maybe? She's always been kind of closed off about it."

"You should ask her again Edward. That shit seemed pretty serious."

"Yeah." I shook my head. "I guess I should." I smiled and scooted behind him, grabbing the weights. "Spot me."

He laughed and got up to walk around me and to the back. "You're dreaming if you think you can lift as much as I can."

"You want to bet on that?" I squared myself under the weight and when I was ready finally decided to lift. It barely budged an inch. I tried again and I lifted it about an inch off the bar before it fell back down.

"See I told you…" Emmett laughed.

"Just give me a minute." My voice was so serious. So determined. I hadn't even noticed my change of attitude until the words came out." Emmett shrugged and shut his mouth, retaining his spotting position.

I sighed and tried again. Nothing. I could feel the anger started to resonate throughout my body. Why wouldn't this thing fucking move? I grunted and started putting all my strength into it. I could feel my muscles burning, completely on fire. Why can't I move it? Just a little bit? I screamed out loud. Why can't Charlie budge? Just a little bit.? Why doesn't he understand? Why doesn't he think his daughter deserves to be happy? I finally felt the bar move up a little. And then a little more. I strained to push my arms up and gritted my teeth as they finally straightened out. I tried to control my breathing as I watched the bar shaking in my hands.

"Whoa Edward…" Emmett reached forward to take it from me.

"Leave it," I yelled. "Just leave it alone Emmett," I said a little softer. I slowly brought it down to my chest and felt the weight of the metal against myself. The weight lifted a little easier than before and I set it back on the holder.

"Are you okay man?" Emmett asked as I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair.

"No." I got up and left the room, heading straight upstairs. I flipped on my stereo as loud as it would go and flopped down on my bed.

I glanced to my side and reached for my journal and a pen to write it all down. Every feeling, every emotion. Every bit of anger I had towards him I wrote down. Just like I wrote down every bit of love I had for her.

I didn't even notice the minutes, or hours passing by until a soft knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. My stereo was completely silent, the CD ending ages ago.

"Yeah?" I called.

Rosalie opened the door and popped her head in. "Dinner's ready."

"Already?"

"Edward it's five o'clock."

"What?" I glanced at the clock. Sure as shit was.

I nodded and jumped off the bed, following her downstairs. We were all silent during dinner, which wasn't a usual occurrence. I scooted out of there as soon as I was done and took a shower before lying back down on my bed. I thought about calling Bella, seeing what happened earlier, but I suddenly felt the sleep overcoming me. I only realized then how little sleep I'd gotten last night. I decided to take a nap and call her afterwards, hoping that everything, whatever it was, would be sorted out by then. I didn't want to call when she was around Charlie. That was the last thing I needed right now.

I closed my eyes and quickly, effortlessly drifted away. I felt like I'd been asleep only for an instant before I heard Emmett yelling my name.

"Dude your phone's ringing. You left it downstairs." He held it out to me.

I blinked and slowly sat up, reaching for it.

"Bella?" I answered.

"You need to come get me," she said quickly.

"What? Why? Are you okay?" A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. Charlie was sending her away or her crazy stalker was there. And none of them were good.

"He's raiding my fucking room like I'm in a fucking prison!"

"Charlie?" I said, hoping it was true. I didn't want to think about the alternative.

"No Riley. He's the new hired help around here."

I breathed a slight sigh of relief when I realized he'd finally hired someone to protect her.

"You didn't tell me about him."

"No I didn't. I tried but you didn't answer your fucking phone!" She paused for a moment and I could hear her breathing on the other end. "It doesn't matter. Look can you please just come get me. Please." No matter how happy I was about this new development it didn't replace the fact that she was upset about something. There was no fucking way I was going to ignore that.

"Okay just relax I'll be right there." I jumped out of bed and started towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Emmett called after me.

"I have to go get her Emmett."

"Edward stop! You know Charlie will arrest you if you go there!" He ran after me.

"Then he'll have to arrest me." I grabbed my keys off the table in the hallway and ran out the front door. I scanned through my phone as I started down the driveway. I had a few missed calls from Bella. Shit. This was bad.

I threw my phone into the passenger's seat and gunned it down the road, anxiously tapping my fingers on the steering wheel.

I could see her house way down the driveway as I approached the gate. It looked pretty dark, all but one light coming from somewhere on the top floor. My car screeched to a halt and I jumped out and ran towards the gate.

"Edward!" Bella said, stepping out from behind the pillars of the gate.

"Hey baby are you okay?" I reached through the gate and took her face in my hands.

"Yeah just get me out of here." She turned around and looked over her shoulder.

"Okay, okay. Just give me a minute." I pulled back and punched the key code into the gate lock. It beeped at me and flashed a red light. I tried again. Same thing. I felt my face go completely blank. He changed the code.

"Why isn't it working?" She asked.

"I can't get in. He changed the number."

"No, no, no…" She said. I could hear the panic in her voice as the tears formed in her eyes. "I can't stay here," she stuttered. "I can't, I have to be with you." She pressed her body up against the gate and reached for my hands. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, barely able to brush my lips against her skin.

"Isabella get back inside." A voice called from behind. I looked over her head and saw and tall, dark figure coming towards us. Bella didn't move, she just stood shaking in my arms.

"Please don't make me go with him," she cried. "Please."

"I'm sorry baby, I don't know what to do." I blinked away the tears.

The man finally came into view behind her. He was a lot bigger than me, almost not human. I glared into his eyes and they glared back, cold and uncaring.

"Isabella?" He said again. He sighed and moved closer. I felt her grab instinctively tighter onto the bars as he approached. He grabbed onto her arm and pulled her away. She fought against him, trying to pull her way back to me.

I backed up and ran my fingers through my hair, unable to comprehend or deal with what was happening right in front of me. This was so wrong. "Damnit!" I screamed, kicking the gate. And I sat there and watched as he dragged her away. Feeling like there was nothing I could do. I was completely helpless.

"Ouch!" Bella said, trying to pull away once more. "You're hurting me! Let go." I looked down and actually saw how hard he was grasping onto her arm. It looked so fragile beneath his grip, almost like it could snap at any moment.

My eyes darted everywhere, looking for something. He was hurting her. I had to get inside. I had to protect her. I spotted the mailbox, entombed in the gate pillar. I rushed over and opened it, sticking my foot inside for leverage. I reached up and grabbed as high on the gate as I could before pulling myself up and over it. I didn't know how I did it. It was higher than anything I'd scaled before, but something in me just snapped. I had to get to her. There was nothing else but her right now.

I sprinted towards them, covering the distance in a few moments. I ran right into him, almost knocking both of them to the ground.

"Get your hands off her!" I screamed. He let go of Bella and snapped his elbow behind him, knocking me square in the nose. The sharp pain shot through my entire face as I hunched over. He spun around and kneed me in the ribs, knocking me to the ground. I felt all the air rush out of my lungs as I gasped for breath.

"Edward!" Bella ran towards me, kneeling down beside me.

"Try that again Cullen and I'll do worse. And come here again and I'll call Charlie. Consider yourself warned." He walked over to the gate and punched a few numbers in the keypad. It opened quickly. "Isabella get inside." He nodded towards the house.

"Bella just go okay?" I winced. "I'm fine. Just don't fight with him anymore tonight and we'll figure it out later."

"I don't want to…"

"Damnit just do it Bella. I want you to. Please."

She sniffled and nodded her head, standing up and starting towards the house. I got up and spit out the blood I'd tasted since he hit me. I started towards my car and kept my eyes on him the entire time. He stood by the gate with his arms crossed, almost seeming inconvenienced that I was taking so long.

"This isn't over," I spat as I walked past him.

"Yes it is." He punched in the code and the gate quickly closed. He turned around and disappeared down the driveway without another word. It made me sick. Angry. She was stuck in there and there was nothing I could do about it. But that didn't mean I was done trying. I was going to fight like Hell for her. And if Charlie honestly thought this new guy was going to keep us apart, he was in for a fucking rude awakening.

**A/N: And you all thought you hated Charlie right? Riley=douche. Leave one.**


	24. The Truth Hurts

**A/N: Sorry this is going to be a long a/n. you love me anyway.**

** First of all, again with the blog. Check it out. I'm posting teasers like no other and also playlists. I also have my first character interview and I need you guys to submit some questions. Trust me, it's a character I know you'll all want to grill. If you're too lazy to go to my profile (which hey it happens) the website is www(dot)codeofconductfanfiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

** Secondly I will be on Spring Break next week so I may or may not be updating until after then. It may happen but I just don't want you guys sitting around waiting because I know I'm usually pretty regular with updates.**

** Thirdly, there is a playlist for this chapter and the next one on the blog. They're kind of combined, but it's more for Chapter 25. This chapter is just a precursor, kind of setting up for Chapter 25.**

** Fourthly, there have been some people that are like "well she's 18 why doesn't she just move out?" and trust me I understand where you're coming from, but it's more complicated than that. She doesn't want to be a burden and Edward doesn't want to take her away from her father (even if he's being a douche right now). And plus Edward is still a soldier who obeys his superiors. That's one of the main conflicts of this story with Edward. He's always fighting the soldier in him with the other part. **

** Fifthly, I want to thank you guys for sticking with me through this angst. I know it's really depressing and its hard and you're just like why can't they just have one fucking moment of happiness, they're always getting shit on. I agree. They have the worst luck, or whatever you want to call it. But I just want you to realize that I do believe in HEA. And sometimes things just have to get worse before they get better.**

** 2****nd**** to lastly, hugs to secamimom. She's a sicky girl and I hope she gets better soon. She's sick and she still reads my shit for me and it means a lot.**

** Lastly (finally) I would like to give a shoutout to erinjeni because her review for the last chapter about Edward scaling the gate had me laughing so hard that I almost choked on what I was drinking. For those of you who watch the Office you should appreciate her review. **

"**Riley = hardcore  
Edward = hardcore parkour!**

... and that is just the way it is."

**Bella**

"I'm sorry you have to lie to your father," Edward said. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

"I'm not really lying…"

"Does this look like shopping with Alice?" He looked around the crowded parking lot.

"Well Alice is technically in the mall and we're sitting in the mall parking lot so it's close enough."

I could barely stand to look at him. Every time I did that reminder of how bad I was for him was right across his face. The bruising had lightened up over the past few days but it was still there. I felt horrible.

"Are you planning on staring at the floor this whole time?" He asked.

I finally turned to face him and shook my head.

"Do I really look that hideous?" He laughed.

"No."

"No?" He kinked an eyebrow and reached over, grabbing my waist and pulling me over to his seat. "Oh it must be because I look too sexy with it? Is that it?"

"You look very sexy with it," I said, running my fingers over his face. "I just feel so bad." I winced as he tried to hold back the pain from my touch. "Sorry." I pulled my finger back quickly.

"Don't be. I'm not." He brushed a piece of hair away from my face and smiled. "How was school today?"

"Eh." I shrugged.

"Did you finally get a chance to talk to your dad last night?"

"Yeah." I thought back to last night. Charlie was up late working in his office. I'd come downstairs to get something to drink and noticed his light was on.

I set my cup down and shuffled over to his door.

"Dad?" I knocked.

"Yeah."

I peeked my head inside and noticed a slew of papers across his desk. He took off his glasses and smoothed out the anxious wrinkles on his forehead.

"Can we talk now….about Riley?"

He cleared his throat and nodded to the chair in front of him. We sat in silence for a few moments as both of us tried to make the first move.

"Look Dad, I…understand. I really do. I know I need someone to protect me from whatever it is I need protecting from. But…not him. It can't be him."

"He came very highly recommended by Aro."

"And I know you trust his judgment, but he almost left bruises on my arm the other night."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with Edward being physical with you." His voice was completely monotone as he started back on his paperwork.

"That was…different."

He sighed and looked back up at me. "Look Bella. You're going to hate anyone who I hire because they aren't Edward. I like Riley. He's staying and that's final."

"Can I ask you one thing?" I asked.

"Sure."

"Are you ever going to tell me?" I kept my eyes on him and I knew he realized what I was talking about. My whole life was being controlled by this unseen force. Something I may never know, even though I think I have a right to.

Charlie didn't flinch under my stare. Not one bit.

"Okay fine," I sighed and started to get up.

"Sit," Charlie ordered. I turned around and sat back down as he bent over and opened his bottom drawer. He rummaged around for a few moments before pulling out a simple black box. He dug out the keys from his pocket and fingered through them, eventually selecting the tiniest one to open the box.

I sat anxiously in my seat as he fumbled through whatever was inside. He eventually pulled out a stack of papers and set them on the desk in front of him, spreading them out before me.

I leaned forward and instantly recognized myself in some of the pictures. There were even a few with Edward. Along with the pictures were just pieces of paper, small and big, all with various scribbles in permanent marker.

"What are all these?" I ran my fingers over them and started sifting through.

"These….are every single threat that I've received….against you."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because whoever it is knows that you're the most precious thing in this world to me. The only way to hurt me is to hurt you Bella. They're using it their advantage."

"So you don't think it's really about me?"

"No. There's no reason for it to be. This has something to do with me. And I've had practically the whole damn unit working on it behind the scenes and we've got nothing. No fingerprints, no DNA, nothing."

My breath hitched in my throat and I felt the blood rush too my cheeks as I saw the last picture. It was Edward and I on the night of my birthday. I can't believe my dad had seen this. I felt so embarrassed, for once.

"So this is how you knew?" I said, running my fingers over the picture. I stared at the photograph, almost getting lost inside it. I wished more than anything that I could go to that night. I don't remember ever being that happy. And it made me angry that I didn't have that anymore.

He was silent for a few moments. "So I hope you understand now. This is why I'm so strict. This is why I have to keep you safe Bella. I can't risk you. I can't let you get hurt."

I stood up and started towards the door. "It's too late for that."

I shook away the memory and was suddenly back in the car with Edward.

"I know you're still mad at him but I'm just happy he told you babe. I was dying to tell you about everything but I just couldn't," Edward said.

"Wait…you knew? You knew everything?" I sat back on his legs.

"Well I was your bodyguard I had to know a little bit."

"Well yeah…but you, you should have told me Edward," I stuttered. Did he really think it was okay to keep that from me this whole time? That we hadn't grown close enough that he could tell me? That there wasn't one fucking moment in our time together that was the right moment?

"It wasn't my place to tell you."

"It wasn't your place? What is your place exactly?" I scooted back over to my side and crossed my arms.

"I was the bodyguard."

"That's such bullshit Edward. You were and are more than that. And I deserved to know…everything." I tried to fight back the tears. I told him everything. Things I'd never told anyone and he couldn't have the decency to tell me this one thing?

"Bella why are you making such a big damn deal out of this?"

"Because it's a big deal. You're not supposed to keep things from me. I've…always told you everything." I opened my door and got out. He reached for his door handle. "Don't follow me!"

He got out and stood up anyway, just like I knew he would. He laid his arms on top the car and leaned towards me. "What the hell do you want me to say Bella?" He screamed. "How am I supposed to know the right thing do to here?"

"You are always supposed to do right by me. Always! Now leave me the fuck alone!"

"Fine!" He yelled as I slammed the door and started towards the mall. I had to get out of there. I'm sure Alice and Jasper would be easy enough to find.

I looked back just in time to see Edward screech out of the parking lot. Asshole.

I stomped into the mall and headed to the first place I knew they'd be. Victoria's Secret. And there they were. Tucked into the back corner looking through some lacy bras that made me want to punch someone.

"I'm ready to go," I said.

"Ready? That wasn't a lot of time. You could have stayed longer you know? I know you wanted to spend time with Edward." Alice said. Her smile faded as soon as she looked at me. "Honey what's wrong?"

"Can we just go please?" I said, blinking back the tears again.

"Yeah. We can go." Jasper nodded and set down the bra he was holding. Alice grabbed my hand and we started out the door and to the parking lot. Jasper opened the door for us and Alice climbed in the backseat with me.

"What happened?" Alice said softly.

I glanced up in the front seat, wondering if I could talk about it with Jasper around.

"Please continue. I'll turn my ears off," he said.

"Thanks babe."

He kept his eyes on the road like he hadn't even heard me.

"I told him about talking to Charlie last night and everything he showed me. And he fucking knew. About all of it." A single tear slipped down my cheek.

"Oh," Alice winced.

"I mean am I wrong here? Don't you think he should have told me?"

"Yeah he probably should have told you."

"Why?" Jasper piped in. "Charlie told him not to."

"I thought your ears were turned off," Alice snapped.

"Sorry I can't help it. Listen Bella. Edward is a soldier first and foremost. Even though it's not always showing, it's there. He does what he's told…falling in love with you was probably one of the only thing he's done against orders. He knows his place, whether or not you agree with it, whether it's right or not. He was doing what comes naturally to him."

"So if the situation was reversed you wouldn't have told me?" Alice asked.

"Not if I was told by a superior not to. Certain things are classified babe."

"Classified? Hell you join the army and you go all Captain America on me?" Alice sat back in her seat and crossed her arms, mirroring my position as she glared at Jasper. The rest of the ride to my house was completely silent.

Jasper pulled up to the gate and I pushed the intercom.

"Swan Residence?" Riley answered. Douche bag.

"It's me asshole. Let me in."

The gate buzzed for a moment and finally churned open. Jasper pulled in and drove up to the front door. I started to get out of the car and was surprised to see Alice getting out with me.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked her.

"Not going home with you. I'll stay here thank you." She spun on her toes and disappeared into the house.

Jasper rolled his eyes, put the car in gear, and started back down the driveway. The gate closed quickly behind him.

I sighed and followed Alice in the house, feeling a little guilty that I'm the reason they were fighting.

She was in the kitchen, rummaging around in the freezer, probably for ice cream.

"Wanna watch a movie?" She peaked her head around the door and grinned. I still didn't understand how she can be so perky right now. We both just got into fights with our boyfriends and she's a ball of fucking sunshine.

I managed a smile and shuffled towards the living room.

"Chick flick or comedy?" Alice said, sitting down and grabbing the remote. She started flipping through the pay per view movies.

"How about slasher or action movies?" I rested my head against my hand and sighed.

"Avoiding the romance?"

"Please."

She put on the newest shittastic remake of an old horror classic and handed me a spoon. As soon as the top of the ice cream was open she was digging in, taking in big spoonfuls of ice cream. I know this is what girls do when they're upset. They pig out and watch movies and do girl time or whatever the hell it was. But I couldn't focus. And something felt different. Edward and I bickered a little….okay a lot. But never like this. I've never been so angry with him and in love with him at the same time. I almost felt my heart tearing apart, breaking right down the middle. Something changed.

"Bella?" Alice said, knocking me out of my daze. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Actually no. How can you be like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like that fight with Jasper never happened. I'm a fucking mess here."

"Although Jasper and I may look like the perfect couple, which we are by the way, things happen. We fight sometimes. It doesn't mean I love him any less or that we're breaking up. Sometimes I just have to cool off. Take some time away. I'm sure that's all you need. In the end love always takes care of the bullshit."

"Really?"

"Of course. Don't you know I'm an expert in this kind of stuff?" She dug her spoon into the ice cream again and for the first time since my blowout with Edward I felt a little better.

I glanced over at my phone and wondered if I should call him. Would he answer? I hesitated and then reached for my phone. I didn't know if he wanted to talk to me in all honesty, but I just wanted him to know that I was sorry for yelling at him. I still didn't like what he did, but it doesn't mean I don't love him.

_I'm sorry_, I typed out. I bit down on my lips and quickly pressed the send button. My leg bounced up and down as I anxiously waited for him to answer. I jumped a little when my phone vibrated in my hands and I held my breath as I opened his message.

_Me too. I love you._

I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

_I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow._ I knew we couldn't keep up this whole "hanging out with Alice after school" gig up for too long before Charlie would be suspicious, but I had to see him tomorrow. We couldn't leave it like this.

"Bells?" Alice said.

"I'm okay." I nodded. We were okay.

**Edward**

"Fuck!" I slammed my hand down on the horn as a car pulled out in front of me. I sped out of there so fast I was surprised I hadn't rear-ended someone. I've never lost it like that with her. It scared me. This separation was affecting us and I was lying to myself if I said different. I had no fucking idea what to do to stop it. It's hard when the whole damn world is against you and all I want to do is love her.

I realized I probably should have told her about the pictures, but as bad as it sounds it didn't even occur to me. Of course her safety and finding the bastard was always on my mind, but once Charlie told me not to tell her, it was almost like it was filed in the back of my head and only he held the key for it. I didn't know how to tell her without feeling like I betrayed him. Even though he's a selfish asshole.

I sped through town and right past my driveway, wanting to avoid any interrogation by anyone. I had to cool down a bit or this was going to blow up in my face. I drove past the city limit sign, not even sure where the hell I was going. I just had to go. I had to keep going.

I barely noticed passing the sign for La Push, or First Beach. I screeched to a stop just before the land steeped down to the sand. There were a few people out trying to surf. They were crazy if you asked me. It's too damn cold. I shut the car off and closed my eyes, leaning my head back in my seat.

I jumped as someone knocked on my window, almost slamming my head into the door. I turned my head and noticed Jacob standing next to my car. I rolled my window down and nodded.

"Hey Jake."

"Edward. What are you doing here?"

"I have no damn idea," I sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm in no mood for a heart to heart Jacob and even if I was it sure as hell wouldn't be with you," I snapped, not even realizing how terrible that sounded. Sure I hated the guy when I first met him, but he isn't so bad now. If he ever tried anything again with Bella I'd break his fucking neck but I felt like he knew that.

He flinched back, seemingly hurt by my words.

"Sorry, I'm just a little on edge." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"It's okay man. Take it easy." He tapped my door and started walking away.

"Jake. Wait." I sighed and got out of the car. I leaned up beside it and he came over to join me. "We kind of had our first…fight."

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"I kind of kept something from her that I probably shouldn't have. But in all honesty I thought I was doing the right thing. And now she's pissed."

"What was it about?"

I kept my mouth shut.

"You probably can't tell me," he laughed. "It's okay."

"I guess I just didn't realize this was going to be this hard. I mean I knew it was going to fucking suck. But this is beyond….It's so hard sneaking around like this." I shook my head and stared over the ocean. The sun was just starting its descent over the water.

"Yeah I heard about what happened with Charlie. I know we haven't always gotten along but I really do feel bad about that. He's wrong Edward. You've been good for Bella. And if I can admit it then he sure as shit should."

"I appreciate that man."

"Just give her some time. Apologize. You've got something real with her man. No one's ever had that with Bella, not even me. She never let me in as far as she did with you."

I nodded and felt the vibration in my pocket. I pulled out my phone and smiled when I saw her name.

_I'm sorry._

I laughed a little under my breath, just knowing she was probably pulling her hair out over this as much as I was. It was stupid when you think about it. We were both too stubborn to sit and talk about it.

_Me too. I love you._

I hit send and closed my phone, throwing it inside my car.

"Well I guess I should go." I opened my door and got inside. "Thanks."

"No problem. I'll see ya." Jake backed away from the car and started back towards his group of friends.

I reached for my phone as it vibrated again.

_I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow._

I was just about to put it down when it went off again. I smiled and laughed to myself, thinking about her little fingers typing anxiously. But it wasn't Bella. The number was "Restricted," but I opened the message anyway.

_If you love her, you'll stay away._

_Because if not I'll come out to play._

_Take her out with perfect ease,_

_Rip her apart piece by piece._

I slammed on the breaks and skidded off to the shoulder. I read through the words a few more times, trying to process whether they were real. I blinked again and again and there they were. Still there.

My fingers shook as I dialed Bella's number. I held my breath as it rang. She finally picked up after the fourth ring.

"Hey, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have blown up at you, I just…" She started.

"Are you alone?" I said quickly.

"No Alice is here. And Riley is here somewhere. Why? What's wrong?"

I tried to hide the panic in my voice but I guess she heard it anyway. "No reason. I was just going to try and stop out. It's okay."

"Okay. Well I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I could almost hear her smile.

I felt the lump form in my throat. That had so many implications, whether this guy was for real or not. I didn't know if I could chance it, but I couldn't say no to her. "Yeah," I said, barely containing the shake in my voice.

"Love you."

"Love you too." I quickly hung up the phone and sped off toward the police station. I had to make sure. I couldn't tell him about this, he'll know we've been sneaking around and I don't want to make more trouble for her. And plus it wasn't like they were making any progress with this shit. But I just have to make sure she'll be safe.

I dialed Emmett as I drove, knowing he could help me. Or at least try to.

"Heyo," he answered.

"Emmett listen I need your help. Are you still close with those guys that worked tech on base?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Do you think they can trace a number for me?"

"Maybe. What's so important you'd be willing to break the law?" He laughed.

"Someone just sent me a threatening text."

"What? Did you hit someone's mailbox?" He laughed again.

"It was about Bella." My teeth clenched tight together as I spoke. I was barely able to get the words out.

"Okay." He turned serious. "Let me give them a call. They'll probably need to take your phone and download the information."

"Fine. Whatever. Just make it happen okay?"

"Okay."

I hung up just as I pulled into the precinct.

I flew out of my car and ran inside, startling the secretary.

"Is Commissioner Swan available? It's important."

"He has an appointment in fifteen minutes. I'm sorry." The secretary didn't even lift her eyes from her computer. She was just as annoying as I remembered her from the night I got arrested.

"Please can you just check if he can see me? Edward Cullen. Please." I tapped my finger on the desk and she scowled and turned around. She walked towards Charlie's office and knocked on the closed door. She peeked her head in and I heard her mumble my name. There was a long pause and she stepped back out.

"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen he's not seeing anyone right now." I could just tell by her face she loved telling me no. I slammed my fist down on the desk and stared at Charlie's door. He was probably sitting back there laughing at me. Watching. He's crazy if he thinks I'm going to just go away.

"Fuck it," I whispered and charged behind the desk.

"Excuse me!" The secretary yelled, running after me. "Mr. Cullen he's not available!"

I ignored her and burst into Charlie's office.

"I'm sorry sir, but I need to speak with you. It's about Bella."

He stared at me for a moment and started back on his paperwork. "It's alright Rita. Please send in my appointment when he gets here."

She nodded and closed the door behind me.

"What can I do for you Edward?"

"Are you making any progress with the case?"

"Unfortunately not."

I started pacing around the room. "Okay have you received…anything lately?"

He stopped writing and pulled his glasses from his face, almost like he was annoyed that I was asking him.

"Charlie look I'm sorry that you don't want us to be together. I get it okay? But you can't tell me not to love her. You can't tell me that. Because I do and I always will. I just want to make sure she's safe. Please. I'm begging here."

He sighed and threw his pen down on the desk. "I've received some calls…"

"What? When?"

"Once a week for two weeks. We traced the calls and both of them came from pay phones in different locations. There's no way to tell who made the call."

The anger was starting to rise in me. I could almost feel my entire body shaking. "Why the fuck aren't you making any progress?! This is your daughter we're talking about here and you can't do shit about it?" It was the first time I'd really lost my temper with him. He stared back at me, almost unable to speak.

"I…I don't know what else to do Edward. I've exhausted all my resources. I'm installing a new security system at the house. We're getting video surveillance in about a month or so. Riley is always going to be at the house with her, and maybe even more if it gets worse."

Even though I hated the guy, he did take protecting my girl seriously. So if he had to be there all the time with her just to keep her safe I could accept that. I'd take it.

"You have to promise me Charlie. You have to promise me you'll keep her safe."

"I will do everything in my power."

There was a knock on the door.

"That must be my appointment." Charlie stood up and started towards the door. He stopped in front of me. "And Edward. Don't think I'm stupid. I know you two have been sneaking around. It ends now. I'm warning you, don't push me."

I opened my mouth to say something but it snapped shut. Maybe I should tell him about the text. Apparently he already knew we'd been together, what did it hurt now? I started to pull my phone out when the door opened and Charlie's guest stepped in.

I froze in my tracks, completely paralyzed by the intense fear that was ripping through my body. He was the last person I'd ever expected to see and the only person who could make me come completely unraveled.

**A/N: Dun, dun, dun! Any guesses to who the mysterious visitor is?**


	25. Break

**A/N: I have a few announcements. First, the good news is that you got a chapter before I left. I was hoping to get one out but I didn't know if it'd be possible. Thank you for all your well wishes for midterms, I think they went okay, just happy for them to be over. So I will not be updating for the next week or so, since I will be in beautiful San Francisco California on my Spring Break. I just wanted to let you guys know so you wouldn't be expecting a chapter.**

**Secondly, I'm really happy to announce that I have sent in my application to participate in the Support Stacie Author Auction set for the end of March. If you'd like to bid on me or would like more information, stay tuned to the blog. I'll post any updates I get for the auction on there and also give a reminder on here. It's a cause that's very important to me and I would appreciate anything you could donate. If you'd like you can even pool money with a few of your fanfic friends and pitch a collective story idea. **

**Without any more delay. Here is the chapter. I'm issuing a Tissue Watch, not a warning. Not positive you'll need one but you might want to have one handy just in case.**

**Edward**

"Edward?" Bella called. I barely heard her. I wasn't there. I was still back in Charlie's office a few nights before. And ever since then I haven't been able to shake this fucking feeling of just absolute panic.

"Edward?" She called again. I blinked a few times, trying to shake myself back to the present but all I could see was his face. He'd never done anything to me. He'd never hurt me. But he represented everything that had. Everything that broke me was embodied in him. He exuded it with each step into Charlie's office.

"Captain Webber." I clicked my heels together and stood up straight, keeping my eyes straight ahead. It was almost like I was a robot, programmed to act a certain way in his presence.

"Cullen? I didn't expect to see you here. Relax son." He patted me on the shoulder.

"Thank you sir."

"How are you doing? I didn't see you at…the funeral."

"I was there sir. I just wanted to keep a low profile."

He nodded and looked towards Charlie. "I'm sorry I'm a little early, feel free to finish up with Lieutenant Cullen."

"We're finished. Please have a seat." Charlie gestured to the chair in front of his desk. I turned and walked out the door, closing it quickly behind me. As soon as I heard the click of the door all of the air rushed out of my lungs as I leaned back against the wall.

"Mr. Cullen are you alright?" Rita asked. She titled her head sideways and kinked her eyebrow at me.

"Yeah..Just…give me a minute." I quietly gasped for air. What was Captain Webber doing here? I glanced back towards the closed door. Did it have anything to do with Charlie's warning about staying away from Bella? He had no other logical reason to be here, but would Charlie really stoop that low to convince my superior that I'm ready and willing to be deployed again? I hated to think that way, but I couldn't help it now. That seed of doubt was fucking planted. Somewhere deep down inside me, somewhere I don't think anyone could reach. And I had no idea how to get rid of it. It was paralyzing me.

As much as I hated to admit it this was the one thing that could break me. It could push me towards the edge. And I knew what that would do to Bella, what it could do to us. It would ruin us. Hell I didn't even know how to get over just seeing Captain Webber.

"Edward?" I felt a soft punch to my shoulder and shook my head, realizing I was still in my room. Bella was lying down on my bed while she was supposed to be out to dinner with Jessica. Apparently Bella paid her to tell Charlie that. She said we couldn't keep using Alice or Charlie would get more suspicious. Too bad he already was. And I had no idea the lengths he would go to just to get his way.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"What's wrong with you these past few days? You've been tense the entire time I've been here." She sat up and crawled over onto my lap to run her fingers through my hair. "Are you still mad at me about what happened at the mall?"

"No sweetie I'm not mad at you." I managed a smile, but couldn't hold my eyes to hers.

"Okay then." She grabbed hold of my face and turned it towards hers. "Kiss me."

I licked my lips and slowly inched forward to press my lips to hers. But something was still off. And I knew she knew it too. I could feel her trying to put her all into it, but I just wasn't…there. And I didn't know how to get back. That jolt in Charlie's office had altered me permanently.

She sighed and pulled back, keeping her eyes closed tightly. "Did I…did I do something? You can tell me. I won't be mad."

"No I've just been doing a lot of thinking…" I whispered. I knew that was the wrong thing to say. That's what everyone says before they're about to break someone's heart.

"Thinking?" Her eyes shot open. "About us?"

"Well kind of…I mean no."

"Well what are you thinking?"

"I…just…I don't know." I stuttered, not sure what I wanted to say or even how to answer.

"You're kind of scaring me."

"I'm not trying to scare you, I just…I have a lot on my plate right now and I was thinking maybe we should…" My voice trailed off.

"Edward what are you saying? You…you don't want to be with me?" Her voice broke a little.

"No that's not it."

"Then what the fuck is it?!"

"I went to Charlie's office that night and…"

"Wait a minute," she interrupted. "What were you doing at Charlie's? Did he say something to you?"

"No." I lowered my eyes from hers.

She nodded her head and bit down on her lip as she stared right through me, trying to figure it out. I couldn't tell her. I can't…do that to her. I won't. And I won't do that to me. I hated admitting that it scared me more than I loved her. And I loved her more than anything.

"I just think that maybe we should cool it down for a little bit okay?" I said quickly, almost regretting the words as soon as they came out. That wasn't what I wanted at all, but I feel like I'm in defensive mode now. Completely on edge about fucking everything. And it was killing me.

I rubbed my eyes, still heavy with sleep. I hadn't slept much lately, tossing and turning, trying to sort through all this shattered glass my life had just broken into.

Her jaw hung open, her lips creating the perfect shape as they pouted out. "Are you," she stammered, the tears starting to form in her eyes. "Are you breaking up with me?"

I couldn't speak. I couldn't understand how we got here. It didn't make sense and it wasn't what I wanted. Everything was just spinning out of control. Ever since he walked into Charlie's office my life has become everything I was always scared it would be. I was paranoid. Afraid. Fucking irrational and stupid to even say anything. Why couldn't I just let it go?

"Don't you love me anymore?" The tears started slipping down her cheek and I reached out to brush them away, physically unable not to comfort her. "Don't touch me!" She jumped up off my lap and inched away from me.

"Bella I love you more than anything…" I stood up and started towards her. "Don't ever…ever…think that I don't love you." I felt the warm moisture slip down my face, unable to hold them back. "It's just…there are some things you don't know."

"God you sound like Charlie! He did say something to you didn't he? And you're too chicken shit to stand up for us?"

"I just don't want to hurt you Bella."

"You're lying," she cried. "You're hurting me now." She yelled, backing even more away from me.

"I didn't know it was going to be this hard," I screamed back. "God we have to sneak around, we can barely even go out in public. What kind of life is that?!" I couldn't even control all the words that were slipping out. That had nothing to do with this. But the floodgates were open and now everything just came fucking rushing out, ready to destroy everything in its path.

"Are you saying I'm not worth it? Am I not worth all this bullshit to you? Because if I'm not you better tell me right now."

I shook my head, trying to figure out what to say to make this better. I didn't want this. I wanted her, always.

"No that's…that's not…"

"Am I worth it Edward?" She took a step forward and pushed me hard on my chest. I stumbled back and into my desk. A few books fell over and onto to the ground.

"Of course you're worth it! You're worth everything!" I took a step towards her and she pushed me away again. "I just need some time to figure things out. Let Charlie cool down a little. I'm not breaking up with you."

"That's the thing about breaks. They turn into break ups. So what the hell are you waiting for?" She grabbed her bag and started towards the door. "Forget it." She slammed my door and disappeared down the hallway. I heard her stomp down the stairs and out the door. I ran to the window and watched her start down the driveway, her arms crossed in front of her. She reached up every few moments to wipe the tears away from her face.

"Damn it," I whispered to myself before turning around and running to follow her. I ran down the stairs, completely skipping the last three and almost falling forward on my hands.

"What the hell is going on?" Emmett asked. He was scanning through a magazine on the couch. "Bella just…"

"I know." I barely got the words out as I bolted past him and out the door.

"Bella! Wait! Please!" I slowed my pace as I reached her. She was halfway down the driveway and refused to even turn around. "Damn it will you just stop!" I stepped in front of her and she brushed past me.

"I've heard everything that I want to hear from you. Can you just…let me be?" She shook her head and started down the road again.

"What about us?" I grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"Us?" She laughed. "You…broke us Edward." She glanced down at the ground. "This is what you wanted." She bit down on her lip and finally looked up at me, her eyes cold as stone. It was almost like she wasn't even there. My Bella was already gone. "There is no us. We're done." She turned and walked away, pulling her arm from my grasp.

I stood there completely frozen, her words echoing through me. I never would have thought this would happen. Ever. I didn't even mean to start a damn fight with her, I was just so jaded. And now I'm alone.

I stood there and watched her slowly walk down the road, growing smaller and smaller with each step. I was just waiting for her to turn around and come back. This was just a fight we were having, just like the past couple of days. She'd come back. That's what's supposed to happen right?

I put my hands in my pockets and waited as she turned the corner and completely disappeared from my sight. I started to grow anxious after ten minutes passed. Did she really think she was going to walk home from here? She wouldn't make it there by tomorrow morning.

I spun around and ran towards my car. I pulled the keys out and fumbled with them as I tried to open my door.

"She won't be there man." Emmett said, suddenly on the porch.

"Why not?" I ignored him and unlocked my door.

"Because I called Rose about fifteen minutes ago to tell her to come get her and take her home."

I sighed and dropped my keys onto the ground. I leaned forward and rested my arms on top the car. I laid my head down and turned it towards the driveway, still thinking that she was going to come back.

I jumped as Emmett placed his hand on my shoulder, so completely wrapped up in that tiny bit of road that I hadn't even heard him approach.

"Come on bro. Come inside." He tried to pull me away from the car but my fingers wouldn't let go.

"I fucked up Emmett." I shook my head and tried to blink away the tears. "I fucked up really bad.

"It'll be okay…" He whispered. He didn't seem like much of the comforting type, but he was. When I was seven some stupid kid made me cry and he sat with me on the curb telling me everything was going to be okay. Just like he was doing now. But this wasn't some dumb schoolyard bully. He couldn't make this go away.

"It won't. Be okay." My fists clenched tight together and I pushed away from the car. "It won't be okay!" I screamed. My voice echoed through the sky while Emmett looked on, completely stunned my outburst. I ran my fingers through my hair and started back upstairs.

I ran to my room and started looking for my phone so I could call her. Tell her I'm sorry and that I love her. And I never, ever want to be away from her. She needed to know. I needed to make this better. I finally spotted it on the floor beside my bed and bent over to pick it up. I quickly dialed Bella's number and waited. It rang and rang and eventually went to voicemail. I hung up and tried again. And again. Always to voicemail. And then it just stopped ringing altogether. I hung up and threw my phone on my bed.

My eyes scanned the room, looking for anything to hold my attention for at least two seconds. Because if I just sat in here for more than two seconds I was going to lose it. I spotted my journal lying on my desk and grabbed it, ripping a few pages out. If she didn't want to talk to me that was fine, but she needed to hear what I had to say one way or another.

I sat down at my desk, grabbed the closest pen I could find and started writing.

_Bella,_

_ Please give me a chance to explain everything. I don't want to break up. I need you…_

I sat there for the next two hours and told her everything. I told her five pages of everything. All about Captain Webber and how I felt like I was trapped. All about my suspicions about her father, even if they were completely bogus. I didn't want to hide anything from her. She needed to know what I was going through. It didn't excuse what just happened but it explained it.

I folded all the papers together and stuck them inside an envelope. I scribbled Bella's name on the front and started towards the front door. I didn't even realize the sun had gone down until I got outside. I bent down and pawed for my keys beside my car and got inside.

I sped towards Bella's house, not sure if she would even be there. But I had to try. I stopped at the gate and looked up at the house. It wasn't completely dark so I knew someone was here. I pushed the intercom and waited. I grabbed the gate and watched for any movement. I turned and pushed the intercom again.

"Hello!" I screamed. I turned around and started running my fingers through my hair. This was ridiculous.

"What do you want?" Riley asked from behind me.

I sighed and spun around. "I need to talk to her man."

"I'm afraid that's not possible."

"Listen. I know you don't like me. And I know we're not supposed to see each other but I just need to talk to her for a minute. And then I'll leave. I promise. I don't even have to come inside."

"She doesn't want to see you Edward."

"How the hell would you know?"

"Because she asked me to come out here and tell you to leave."

"She…she couldn't have," I stuttered, shaking my head. I didn't believe that.

"Said something about you two taking a break. Can't say I'm too upset about it."

My heart sank. She told _him_. How could she?

"Um…could you just give this to her please? I'll leave and I won't come back but please just give her this. It's important. I know I probably can't trust you but…" I held out the envelope to him, not expecting him to take it.

He sighed and reached through the bars. "This is the only time I will ever be nice to you. Don't forget that." He nodded and took the envelope.

"Thank you," I sighed. "Thanks a lot." I turned around and started towards my car.

"You're both better off you know," Riley said as he turned around. I guess his moment of kindness had passed. I glanced up at the house once more and got in my car. I planed to keep my phone close to me the whole night. It was like my lifeline. I was waiting for her to bring it back to life. And she never did.

**Bella**

The second I stepped out of his door I was gone. I refused to let him see me cry again. Not after what he'd just done. He didn't deserve to see me that vulnerable anymore.

I bolted down the stairs and passed Emmett, who said something to me. I wasn't paying attention. My mind was focused on getting out of here. I couldn't stay one more minute without breaking into a million pieces.

"Bella! Wait! Please!" I tried to block out his voice. I hoped that I was imagining it because if I had to face him again I don't know how I would keep it together. My breaths started coming out short and staggered and I could feel the intense burning in my calves as I tried desperately to get away.

I clenched my eyes tight when he stepped in front of me. I forced myself not to listen to him. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. At all. I gave some half-assed excuse and tried to leave again.

"What about us?"

My breath hitched in my throat. He had the audacity to say all those things to me up in his room and then ask that question.

"Us?" I tried to suppress my laughter. "You…broke us Edward," I stuttered. I really wanted to say you broke your promise to me. He promised me that he'd never let me down; he'd never leave me. And he shattered it all to hell, just like everyone else always did. This was the reason I didn't let myself fall in love. If you don't ever fall in love you can't ever get hurt. And I was hurting. I was hurting so bad that I felt it in my bones. I wasn't ever going to let it happen again. "There is no us," I said quickly. "We're done." I spun around just as a tear slipped down my cheek, praying that he wouldn't follow me. I kept my eyes straight ahead, focused on the curve in the driveway. Once I was around that bend I was safe.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't hear him behind me. As soon as I rounded the corner I closed my eyes and let it out. A raw and uncontrollable sob escaped from the deepest pit of my chest. I quickly put my hand over my mouth to hold it in. I didn't want him to hear me.

I just told myself to put one foot in front of the other. Left. Right. Left. Right. I didn't know how long I walked but I was vaguely aware of a car passing by me. A few moments later it pulled up beside me.

"Get in sweetheart." Rosalie pushed the door of her car open. I slowly turned towards her car and stepped in, pulling the door shut behind me. "Emmett called," she explained.

I hugged my arms around my stomach, almost just trying to hold myself together.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

I shook my head adamantly.

"Okay…" She nodded and kept her eyes on the road.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket but I knew it was him. I let it go to voicemail. He called a few more times and I pulled it out and shut it completely off.

We finally pulled up to the gate and I was anxious as ever to get out. No offense to Rosalie but I didn't want to be around anything or anyone that reminded me of Edward. It was too painful.

"Thank you Rosalie." I stepped out and walked around to the intercom.

"Swan Residence?" Riley said.

"It's Bella," I said softly. The gate opened a few moments later and I stepped inside.

"Bella? I thought you were going out to dinner with Jessica? I didn't expect you back for another hour or so?" Charlie asked when I got inside.

"It's over," I said softly.

"What's over?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Me and Edward. It's over. You got what you wanted."

"Bella…" he whispered.

"Save it!" I cried. "I know you said something to him when he was at your office!" I started up the stairs.

"Isabella you should speak to your father with a little more respect," Riley said.

"You want to hear something respectful. Fuck you. Both of you." I slammed the door behind me and grabbed my phone. I turned it back on and wasn't surprised to see a ton of missed calls from Edward. I dialed Alice's number and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Yo, yo." Alice answered.

"Alice?" I sobbed.

"Honey what's wrong?"

"I…I broke up with Edward."

"What? Why?"

"So he wouldn't do it." I wiped at my eyes.

"I don't understand Bella."

"He said…he wanted to take a break. You know what that means Alice. Even if he didn't say it. He's having doubts about us. So I ended it before he could hurt me anymore." The floorboards outside my door creaked a little and I spun my head towards it. A shadow passed by the sliver of light under my door.

"Bella are you sure this is what you want? I mean he didn't say he wanted to break up did he?"

"No. I just…I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. That's why I fought so hard against it. And the one time I give in I get screwed." I shook my head.

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to come over? We can have a girls night."

"No, no it's okay. I just…I think I just want to be alone," I lied. I hated lying to her but even Alice couldn't make this better.

"Okay well call me if you need me."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and stretched out across my bed. I grabbed a piece of my hair and started twirling it between my fingers, but it only made me think of him. The way he used to run his fingers through my hair. I already missed him. And I was lying if I said I didn't love him. It didn't change anything. The pain was so much I had to do all I could not to scream.

I wiped my eyes and rolled onto my side, curling up in a ball. Maybe my dad was right. I know Edward tried to shield from it, but I knew what my father thought about me. Screw up. Broken. Irreversibly messed up. I knew I wasn't worth loving. Maybe I should start living up to those expectations.

I wanted to go back to before. Before Edward was even here. I missed the numbness. It was better than what I was feeling right now and I was willing to do anything to get the nothingness back.

I thought I heard a noise from downstairs, almost a beeping noise, like the intercom. I sat up and looked towards the door. I heard it again. I got up and shuffled to my door. I inched it open and stuck my head out. The foyer was completely empty. I made my way downstairs to get a cup of water. Charlie was sitting in the living room but Riley was nowhere to be found.

I pulled out a cup and turned on the faucet. I glanced outside and noticed some headlights down at the end of the driveway. I pulled back the curtain and stared. I couldn't see the car or who was in it, but it eventually slowly turned around and left.

I downed the rest of my water and went to put the cup in the sink. I glared at Charlie as I passed through the foyer, wanting him to feel as much pain as I was feeling right now. Maybe then he would really know how damaged I was.

Riley stepped inside and closed the door quickly behind him.

"Who was it Riley?" Charlie asked.

"Pizza delivery guy. He had the wrong address." He cleared his throat and started towards the kitchen. He dropped something in the trashcan and grabbed himself a soda from the fridge. I started back up the stairs, intent on trying to figure out some way to get away from here. There had to be something going on. I couldn't stay here. I needed something to take my mind off of everything.

"Hey Charlie?" Riley called as I reached the top of the stairs. "I have an errand to run in town. Is that alright with you?"

"Yeah sure. I think I'm going to call in tonight. I should probably…stay home." I could tell he was talking about me but I was too excited about what Riley had just said. Or as excited as I could be at the moment. I guess I wouldn't really call it that. Maybe relieved. Not excited.

I closed my door and reached for my phone.

"Hey Bella," Jake answered.

"Jake. Is there anything going on tonight?"

"Is Edward planning on springing you tonight?" He laughed.

"No just me," I snapped.

"Bella is everything okay?"

"Listen Jake, no offense but I didn't call you for small talk. Where is it?" I tapped my foot anxiously.

He cleared his throat, obviously surprised at my words. "Um I heard about something going on at Newton's. Do you need me to come get you?"

"Not at my house. We'd never make it out. I'll call you when I know where."

"Wait Bella what do you…"

I hung up before he could finish his sentence.

I didn't even attempt to do my makeup or hair. I didn't change my clothes. It wasn't about that now. I wasn't out to look cute or impress anyone. This was about me. I locked my door, knowing Charlie wouldn't bug me the rest of the night. He knew when to stay away. It didn't mean he'd be completely lenient, so I knew I couldn't go out the front door. But he wouldn't come in here while I was this upset.

I opened my window and crawled out. It was freezing but I didn't care. I crept along the edge of the house and made it to the drainpipe I used to use all the time. I slid down it with ease. Almost easier than I ever had. I barely noticed the scrapes on my arms from it.

I tiptoed across the yard, towards Riley's house. His car sat out front. I was just hoping it wasn't locked. Otherwise I was fucked.

I held my breath and pulled on the backdoor handle. Thankfully it opened and I crawled inside and lay down on the floor. In any other circumstance I probably would have laughed. The asshole was supposed to keep me here and he was the one taking me into town.

I heard the front door open and I held my breath, praying for the car light to go off. I sighed in relief as it slowly dimmed and eventually went out. A minute later the front door of the car opened and Riley got inside. I knew there was a chance he might see me, but I just pretended like I was invisible and hoped he wouldn't.

He put his keys in the ignition and didn't seem to show any signs of knowing I was there. He pulled out of the driveway just as his phone starting ringing.

"Yeah I just left. Where do you want to meet?...Okay." He hung up and turned up the radio. We drove for a while and I started recognizing the signs of the city. We passed by the Corner Pub and the General Store, finally pulling into the Gas Station on the other side of town. Riley got out and walked around to the other side of the car, disappearing from sight. I waited a few moments before I cautiously opened the door and got out. I barely closed it, not wanting to make any noise. I crouched down and crawled around the car when I heard his voice. I peeked around the front of the car and saw him across the parking lot. He was talking to someone in the backseat of a really nice car. The windows were tinted, but the back one was slightly rolled down. Riley was hunched over with his hand rested on top of the car. Whoever was inside the car handed him something and he stuck it in his back pocket.

I took a chance and ran inside the gas station, hoping he wouldn't see me. I guessed that he didn't because he'd probably already be in here. I snuck around the aisles, ignoring the strange looks from the cashier. I just didn't want Riley to see me. I peeked around the corner of the aisle just in time to see Riley climb into his car and pull away.

I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed Jake's number.

"I'm at the Gas Station. Can you come get me now?"

I went up to the front to wait for him. I pulled myself up on the front counter, because let's be honest, no one was coming in here. Actually I was kind of surprised that Riley had come here. I was mildly interested in what shenanigans he was getting into out here, but any interest dissipated when I saw Jake's car pull in.

"Where's Edward?" He asked when I got in.

"What are you president of his fan club? Do me a favor and don't…say his name to me tonight. Okay?"

"Fine." He turned his radio up loud and started towards Mike's.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me as he pulled in. The music was loud and there were a ton of cars in the front. The perfect distraction.

I hopped out of the car and walked inside a few steps in front of Jake. As soon as I walked in the room erupted in cheers.

"Is that Swan over there?" Mike called. He ran over and pulled me into a hug.

"I need a drink."

"Anything for you baby," he winked and grabbed a beer for me.

"No. Something stronger." I glanced around and spotted a bottle of liquor in the corner. I grabbed it and took a few swigs. "Shots anyone?"

Everyone cheered again. Jake stood in the doorway. I met his stare and didn't give a fuck about the disappointment in his eyes when he looked at me.

"You've been M.I.A. for awhile Bella. I was wondering if I was ever going to see you out again."

I poured myself a shot and brought it up to my lips. "No worries Mike," I said as I downed the shot. "I'm back."

**A/N: Okay don't hurt me. We have to get through a few storms before we get to the sunshine. I promise you HEA. Pinky swear. I've been dreading writing this chapter because my heart was just breaking for them. They are both just so broken and so chained down by thoughts and circumstances that make them completely unstable. The simple fact that just seeing his commanding officer sent Edward into that tailspin is evidence to that. Makes me sad, but don't worry. I'm not even close to done with this story, so these two are here to stay for awhile. We'll get through it.**

**I'm also posing a challenge for you guys. Tell one of your fanfic pals about this story and let's see how many people we can get reading it. **

**So what do you think Riley was doing on his errand? And how much do you hate him for throwing away Bella's letter. Ugh. I want to set his pencil sized wiener on fiya. Leave me some reviews to come back to : )**


	26. Damaged At Best

**A/N: I'm baaaaack! Had a great trip. Not looking forward to going back to school this week but excited to be back. Just a short reminder that the playlist for this and the next chapter is up on the blog. I've also added a couple of songs over the past 24 hours so check it out.**

**Edward**

"Edward?" Emmett said.

I barely heard him. My mind had been all over hell the past two weeks. Never able to focus. Always trying to stay busy. Avoid thinking about Bella. It was a constant battle with myself. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw her.

I tried to call Alice every once in awhile to keep tabs on her, but even she eventually avoided my calls. She told me she'd been partying a lot. I hoped it was just some kind of phase she was going through. She knew she was better than that. She'd grown so much and I hated to see her throw that away over me. I know it really wasn't my business anymore but I still loved her. And I was fucking hurting. Even if she didn't know or didn't care I still was. It didn't make it go away.

"Edward. Are you planning on joining us?" Emmett waved his hand in front of my eyes and I finally blinked a few times to bring myself back to reality. "Are you ready to go?"

"Go where?" I mumbled.

"We have football practice. For the alumni game? Remember you said you'd play like two months ago."

"Emmett I really…" I sighed and put my head in my hands. "I don't think I want to play anymore okay?"

"But you said you would," he whined.

"Dammit Emmett I said I don't want to play just leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled. I tugged at my hair and shook my head.

"Edward pull your head out of your ass," Rosalie said. "You've been acting like a zombie these past few weeks. This will be good for you. Now go." She grabbed on my shirt and forced me out off the couch.

Emmett stuck his hands in his pockets and started down the hallway, grabbing his keys along the way. I could tell I'd hurt his feelings and I felt bad. I wasn't mad at him I just couldn't deal with it right now.

"Hey man, wait…" I jogged and caught up to him before he got to the car. "I'm sorry I snapped at you it's just…these two weeks have been the roughest of my life. And I mean of my entire life."

"It's okay." He got in the car and turned it on. I sighed and got inside, feeling like shit that I'd been such a dick to him. He's been in big brother mode this entire time and I didn't appreciate it enough. Maybe this was a good thing. It could keep me distracted. Distracted enough anyway.

The drive to the football field was completely silent. I noticed a few familiar cars in the parking lot. I really wasn't looking forward to this little high school reunion. I guess I was pretty popular in high school, but once I got out I never looked back.

Emmett parked next to the entrance to the field and we both got out. There was a small group of guys standing around talking. I recognized most of their faces, the majority of them graduated with me or Emmett. They were a bunch of assholes in high school and I can guarantee they haven't changed.

I forced a smile as they turned around and started cheering.

"The famous Cullen brothers have arrived!" A tall, dark haired guy said. His voice sounded vaguely familiar but I couldn't place his face.

I made my way through the crowd, trying to ignore the pats on the back. I took a seat in the bottom row of bleachers and watched as the current football team finished practicing. I quickly spotted Jake just as he caught a touchdown pass from that douche bag Newton. That kid rubbed me the wrong way and if he caught me on a bad day I might lose it.

The coach blew the whistle and the field cleared out. They all headed in towards the center of the bleachers and down a small hallway that led back to the locker rooms. I darted down and jogged along the edge, trying to catch Jake before he disappeared.

"Hey Black!" I called, just as he was about to dart into the locker room. His eyes widened when he saw me, but he fought his way back through his teammates and back to me.

"Edward." He nodded and set his hands on his hips.

"How is she?" I said softly. The rest of his team threw odd glances my way as they passed.

He cleared his throat and shook his head.

"Tell me the truth Jake."

"Honestly. Not too good. But also honestly? I wouldn't know. I only see her for a few seconds at parties and then she's gone again. I don't even think she's talking to Alice anymore. She's always with Mike."

"Newton?" I scowled.

Jake nodded and glanced behind him as Newton passed us. He gave us a nod and smiled. My fists clenched at my sides and I tried to resist the urge to take all my anger out on him. I didn't even realize I was subconsciously moving forward until Jake pushed firmly on my chest.

"Hey man. Take all that anger, all the aggression you have….bring it out there." He nodded towards the field. "Don't throw it all away on him now."

I closed my eyes and sighed, stepping back and leaning against the bleachers.

"Is she coming tonight?"

"Don't know." He shrugged. Someone yelled his name from inside the locker room. "Hey I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow. Looking forward to kicking your ass Cullen!" He jogged towards the locker room and I smiled out at the field. I noticed the guys from my team heading out towards the field. The familiar voice of our old coach echoed out into the night. I started running out towards the field to join them, hoping that this was a good thing. It had to be. I needed some kind of good thing right now.

Practice was a fucking joke. Mostly just us dicking around, throwing the ball to each other while the coach sat on the bench drawing in his little playbook. I don't even think I broke a sweat. It was expected for us to get our asses kicked. It happened every year. I honestly didn't give a fuck if we won or not, I just needed to get some of this pent up aggression out or I was going to spontaneously combust.

"How's it feel to be throwing again?" Emmett laughed as we got in the car. He lived for this shit. We only got to play together for two years but we were dynamite together. He was center and I was quarterback. We had the perfect season his senior year, the first in school history.

Emmett was still rambling about our State Championship when we pulled into the driveway. I made a quick exit and started upstairs to take a shower. I quickly avoided the first bathroom and slipped into the one down the hall. I couldn't go in there. Brought back too many memories. I ran my fingers through my hair and turned on the shower, allowing the water to warm up. I pulled off my clothes and let them fall to the floor as I walked towards the counter. I placed my hands on the top and leaned forward to examine my face in the mirror. I looked tired. My face was entirely drained of any life. I rubbed at the stubble starting to form on my chin and turned around. The steam was already rising from the hot water and enveloping the entire bathroom. I stepped inside and closed my eyes, wishing that the water would wash all this shit away. I knew it wouldn't. In fact I didn't know what could. I've heard…things around town. I didn't need Jake to tell me. I just hoped that she was still smart enough to stick around him. I can't believe I'm saying this but I trust him with her. He gets it. She obviously doesn't.

I finished my shower and stepped out, grabbing for a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I didn't bother shaving, I just walked straight into my room and pulled on some sweatpants before collapsing in my bed.

Emmett woke me up the next day, jumping on my bed screaming something about a pep rally in an hour. I rolled over and glanced at the clock, surprised to see it was late afternoon. I'd slept the whole day away and that never happens.

I shuffled out of bed and dug for my jersey in my closet. I'd never really planned on wearing it again, but Emmett begged me to play for this thing. I pulled it out of my closet and put it on, surprised it still fit. I guess I hadn't changed much since high school, but I was a little more scrawny back then. I didn't really have to worry about bulking up when I had Emmett in front of me on the field.

I headed downstairs, instantly smelling whatever amazing food Esme had cooked for us. Emmett was already on his second plate by the time I sat down at the table. Esme brought me over some food and set it in front of me, pulling out a wide smile that seemed a little too forced. I knew she'd been worried about me and I hated what I was doing to her, but she couldn't help me. No matter how much she tried she was never going to be enough. And I hated admitting that.

I downed as much as I could, not wanting to upset her. Emmett ran upstairs to get his stuff before coming back down and yelling at me to get my ass in the car. I was biting my lip anxiously the entire way to the pep rally at the high school. I knew she'd be there. Well I guess that wasn't true. I would bet money that she had been skipping school at least a little bit.

The parking lot was crowded when we pulled in, most of the spots occupied by the current students. Emmett parked near the exit and we got out o the car and started towards the school. As I stepped into the school a flood of memories flooded back to me. I haven't been back here since I graduated and it seemed almost like it didn't belong to me. We turned down the long hallway that led to the visiting locker room and passed a tall display case. The American flag in the background caught my eye and I paused in front of it to take a closer look. There were two plaques inside, the words _In Honor _across the top of one and _In Memory_ across the other. I quickly picked out my name and Emmett's under one and Demetri and newly engraved Felix on the other. I shook my head and ran to catch up with Emmett down the hallway.

Most of the other guys were already there, all huddled in the locker room still talking about the past. I could hear the noise of the gymnasium located a short distance down a small hallway. I didn't know why I was so nervous right now. I probably wouldn't see her anyway.

"Okay boys we're up…" Coach motioned towards the door to the gym and we shuffled down. The announcer on the other side of the door animatedly announced the alumni team and we stepped out, greeted mostly by boos from the current students. I noticed a small group of people cheering, most of them parents or families of the players. A line of alumni cheerleaders stood along the edge of the wall, shaking their pom poms just like high school was yesterday. I noticed Tanya had her eyes on me as I walked out into the center of the gym with the rest of the guys. We stood in the center of the gym while the announcer ran through our names and then it was the current team's turn. They were greeted by a standing ovation by the crowd, which didn't make sense to me. I think they've only won one game this year. Jake was good player but he didn't have enough help. Newton thought he was a badass but I could crush him with one hand behind my back.

They pushed us aside and did some stupid school spirit games, but I wasn't paying attention. My eyes scanned the crowd for Bella or even Alice. I finally spotted Alice towards the top. She looked right at me and shrugged her shoulders, answering the question in my head. Where the hell was she?

My eyes continued their search over all the bleachers but she wasn't here. Not out in the open anyway. I was so focused that I didn't even realize everyone had gotten up and started leaving until I felt someone slap my backside.

"Looking for someone?" Tanya asked sweetly.

"That's not really any of your business."

"She's not here Edward. Irina hasn't seen her in days. You know they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? I hear she's taken that advice to heart. Newton seems pretty happy right now." She nodded towards the center of the gym. Mike had that sly, cocky grin on his face like he'd just had the best lay of his life. It made me sick to my stomach to even think about it.

"Excuse me." I said, brushing past Tanya and into the locker room. I barely made it to the bathroom before the vomit started. Emmett rushed in behind me with a glass of water.

"You a little nervous about tonight man?" He laughed.

"Yeah." I stood up and wiped at my mouth.

"It's just a game bro. But if we lose I'm blaming you," he joked.

"I'm not nervous about the game." I shook my head and took the glass of water, rinsing my mouth out and spitting it back in the sink.

"I told Rose to keep an eye out for her," he said seriously. "She'll let us know."

I nodded and stared at my reflection in the mirror. "I don't know if I can do this Emmett."

"Listen you know I love Bella. Little Swan is like a sister to me and I want you both to be happy. But you guys obviously have some shit to figure out so just give it some time. There was a reason you broke up in the first place and before you resolve that it's never going to work."

"Yeah I guess so."

"Trust me. I'm your big brother." He slapped me on my back. "We've got to get going through. Warm ups start in twenty minutes." He turned around and walked out the door. I took one last look in the mirror trying to compose myself before I followed him.

We walked over to the stadium, which was already starting to get full. I noticed Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie in the stands. Rosalie was wearing Emmett's jersey number and Esme had mine. It was this kind of tradition here. You always had your girlfriend, or for the losers their mom, wear your jersey number. It was almost like they were claiming you. Stupid if you asked me, but I guess I'd play along.

Our team started out on the field to warm up. Coach threw me a ball as I jogged out and I gripped it tightly, slamming it into the palm of my hand every few seconds as my eyes darted up towards the stands. I searched the student section and was only disappointed. I threw a pass to my receiver and happened to look over at the current team. I spotted Jake instantly, but Newton was nowhere to be found. I checked the concession stand and all along the fence. No Newton. No Bella.

"Cullen! Focus!" Coach yelled. I cleared my throat and turned my eyes back onto the field. I threw a few more passes and we ran a couple of plays. Coach blew the whistle and we all jogged in towards the bench. I grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat that was already starting to form on my neck when Newton jogged onto the field.

"Newton where the hell have you been?" Their coach yelled. Mike smirked, making a point to glance my direction, and continued onto the field. I was about to set my towel down when I noticed a flash of beautiful brown hair in the corner of my eye. I looked up and my breath hitched in my throat when I saw her. She looked pale. Thin. Absolutely worn out. She started up the stairs, wearing Mike's jersey and sat all by herself on the end. Something about the look on her face made me want to break down and run to her. Even from here I could tell that her eyes were glistening, almost on the verge of tears. Her leg started bouncing up and down anxiously as he eyes glanced across the field. She stared a Mike with complete boredom before looking my way. Her eyes widened as they met mine, obviously unaware that I was going to be here. My hand froze on my neck and for the one long second it was just me and her. She finally bit down on her lip and forced her eyes to the ground.

The buzzer sounded as the clock hit zero. Emmett and I walked out to the center to meet the refs and do the coin toss. Jake and Mike met us and we were forced to shake hands. The refs tossed the coin, giving us the option on whether to receive or kick. Emmett quickly answered and jogged back to prepare our kicker. I couldn't avoid the scowling sarcastic stare of Mike as he looked me up and down. I shook my head and started to walk away, not interested in his games.

"Hey Cullen!" He called.

I turned around and crossed my arms.

"I forgot to say thanks," he laughed.

"For what asshole?"

"Your leftovers." He smiled and glanced up towards Bella. I took a step forward and pushed him hard in the chest, causing him to fall back onto the grass. The refs stepped in between us and pushed me back towards my sideline. "Take it easy boys. Keep it clean."

I huffed and started towards my bench, my fists clenched tightly at my sides. I looked up at Bella as Emmett patted me on the shoulder. Her eyes were worried, frantically dashing between Mike and I.

"What was that all about?" Emmett asked.

"Don't worry about it." I took a sip of my water and kept my eyes focused on her. I finally broke my gaze and jogged towards the coach.

"Coach I want to play defense."

"You're our quarterback Cullen!" He yelled. "Don't be ridiculous." He laughed and shook his head.

"I know sir. I want to play both."

"Are you crazy?" He turned my way and kinked an eyebrow.

"Quite possibly sir."

"You've never played defense before have you?"

"No sir. But I know this game in and out. I can do it."

He shifted his weight back and forth and glanced out at the field. "Okay I'll see if I can work you in."

Our kicker stepped up to the ball and let it rip down the field. "Sir I'd like to go in right away. You can take out Reynolds."

"Now why would I take out Reynolds?"

"Because I'm pretty sure he's drunk sir." I glanced out at the field and watched as Reynolds ran completely the wrong way down the field.

Coach tapped on his playbook for a few moments. "Okay fine. Next switch you're in."

"Thanks Coach." I hurried back to the bench and put my helmet on.

"What are you doing?" Emmett asked.

"Going in on defense."

"Huh?"

"Newton thinks he can just parade around here like he's the fucking king of the castle. I need to put him in his place." I snapped in my chin guard. I knew it was stupid and childish, but that one shove to the chest wasn't enough for me. I wanted to make him hurt for what he was doing. And this was the only way I could do it and not get arrested.

The refs blew the whistle and I ran out on the field.

"Reynolds you're out!" I pointed towards the sideline. He laughed and ran directly towards the concession stand. I guess playing drunk only worked while you were in high school. I took my position and watched Mike's mouth curl up into a grin when he saw me.

I kept my eyes on him and launched myself forward as soon as the whistle blew. I blasted past two blockers and right through a clean route to Newton. He barely got the chance to even contemplate throwing the ball before I hit him hard, knocking both of us to the ground. I jumped up as he lay on the ground, rolling around in pain.

"You better get comfortable down there you little bitch." I laughed and ran back to our huddle.

I must have been running on pure adrenaline because I was pumped up the entire rest of the half with no signs of slowing down. They took me out a few times and let our back-up quarterback throw a few, but I was content to play both. I looked up at the clock and smiled as the first half ended. We were ahead 17 to nothing. So much for a close game. I turned around to find Bella and my smile fell when I realized she was gone.

The buzzer sounded and everyone started towards the locker rooms. I darted behind the bleachers and towards the tunnel underneath, hoping to find her. My spirits lifted a little as I saw her duck underneath. I stepped forward, completely intent on following her until I saw Newton sneak behind there too. I knew exactly what she was doing right now. None of this mattered to her. She was back to the old Bella. Numbing out the pain. And apparently Newton was her drug of choice. Unlike any other time in the past two weeks, I simply couldn't fucking ignore it. I took a deep breath and contemplated for a few minutes before starting towards where they had disappeared into the darkness.

**Bella**

"Isabella we still need to have a talk about that tattoo…" Charlie looked at me sternly as he headed out the door for work.

I rolled my eyes and took another bite out of my toast. I didn't understand what the big fucking deal was. It's not like I needed his damn permission. And plus he doesn't know what it means. The only person that would know would never see it.

I got up and threw the rest of my breakfast in the trash just as Riley opened the door.

"Good morning Isabella." He grabbed his keys. "Are you ready for me to take you to school?"

"Totally!" I said sarcastically as I popped in a stick of gum. "Learning is my favorite." I grabbed my bag and went to sit in the car. He drove me to school and parked the car to walk me up to my first class, Charlie's orders. I skip school a couple days and he goes all commando on me. I wasn't even embarrassed anymore. You have to care to be embarrassed.

I passed Alice in the hallway and she offered me a smile and started towards me.

"I can't talk right now," I mumbled. I'd been avoiding her. I felt bad burdening her with all my problems. I definitely wasn't worth the trouble and I couldn't do that to her.

"Thank you kind sir," I said as I walked in and sat down, leaving Riley at the door.

I was bored the rest of the day. I spent most of it scribbling in my notebook or trying to take a nap while the teacher lectured. By fifth hour I finally couldn't take it. I raised my hand and asked for a bathroom pass. The little old teacher quickly obliged and I grabbed it from her and started towards the hallway. I bypassed the bathroom and headed towards the back doors.

"Bella!" Mike yelled, jogging towards me down the hallway. This kid was starting to get on my nerves. He was like a little lap puppy that wouldn't go away. "Are you ditching?"

"Yeah," I tried to laugh. "I just need a break."

"Do you want me to come with you?" He brushed his finger down my arm and I shuddered.

"No, no. I don't want you to miss the pep rally. You wouldn't be able to play tonight."

"Okay. Are we still meeting before the game?"

"Yeah sure." I nodded and smiled as I started outside. I made my way towards the trees, out of sight from anyone at the school. I reached in my bag and pulled out the joint I didn't get to finish this morning. Eventually I noticed more and more cars pulling into the school for that stupid pep rally. It was supposed to be mandatory, showing school spirit and all. I was content to just sit back here and take everything in from a distance.

I leaned my head back against a large tree trunk and let myself drift away. I was brought back to reality by the shrill ring of the bell, signaling the day was over. I slowly made my way back to the school and grabbed my bags before starting towards the side door. If I went out the front Riley would see me. See I'm technically not allowed to go to the game tonight, but they were batshit crazy if they thought that was going to stick. I hated being in that fucking house more than anything.

I peeked my head around the corner door and spotted Riley's car sitting up against the curb. He stood outside with his arms crossed, his eyes fixed intently on the front door. I saw Mike's car a few rows away and made a run for it. As soon as I was behind a row of cars I crouched over and stayed that way the rest of the way. Thankfully his car was unlocked so I crept inside and waited for him.

He eventually came out to the car and got inside, laughing at me all curled up in the passenger's seat.

"Hiding from Riley?" He asked.

"Can we just get out of here please?"

"Yeah where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere."

He smiled and turned the car on before screeching out of the parking lot. Riley should be used to this routine. It's happened before. He'll wait for about ten more minutes before he realizes what's happening. And then he'll call Charlie and bitch. And Charlie will call me and bitch to my voicemail. And I won't give a flying fuck.

Mike drove to the stadium and parked behind the bus garage, completely out of sight. As soon as he put the car in park his lips found my neck and I sighed and closed my eyes, fighting back the tears. It happened everytime he tried to kiss me. I felt sick to my stomach everytime he touched me or looked at me like that. Maybe that was why I still couldn't sleep with him. Or maybe it was something different.

His fingers brushed against the collar of my shirt, pulling it down over my shoulder as his lips continued to devour my skin. He suddenly firmly grasped my hips and pulled me over onto his lap.

"Are you going to make me do all the work?" He said.

I bent down and gently pressed my lips to his, doing only the minimum. You'd think he'd notice, but he never did. He was only concerned with himself in this. It wasn't really about me. It was all a game to him. His hands drifted up my shirt and up my bare back where he quickly unclasped my bra and pulled it down.

His hands drifted around to the front and felt at my chest as his lips returned to my neck. I stared blankly behind him and blinked away a tear.

I panicked when he reached for the button on my jeans. "Not today," I stuttered.

He sighed and sat back. "What the fuck Bella? Is it ever going to be today? Cullen's turned you into a fucking prude."

"Don't….say his name to me. Ever again."

"Why not?"

"Because I…I'm still in love with him."

He forced my eyes to his. "Well he doesn't you anymore. So be a good little girl and cooperate with the ones who do." He grabbed at my jeans button again.

"Back off Mike!" I shoved at his chest.

"You won't fuck me because of him?!" He screamed.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I can't." I sat back in my own seat and ran my fingers through my hair.

"I'm late," he huffed. "My shirt's in the back. Put it on and clean yourself up. You look like shit." He got out of the car and started towards the stadium.

"Asshole," I whispered as I reached into the back of his car for his shirt. I found it quickly and tossed my shirt aside to put my bra and his shirt on. Something bright red caught my eye in the back. I reached behind and pulled out a red lacy bra that definitely wasn't mine. "Not surprised," I mumbled to myself as I threw it in the back. Mike and I weren't dating by any standards. We weren't even sleeping together. But I wanted to hold on to the minute amount of dignity I had. I wasn't going to fool around with someone who's sleeping with someone else.

I sighed and got out of the car. I could hear the crowd cheering from the stands, but wanted to avoid the student section. I snuck up the side and sat down before anyone could notice me. I scanned the field and spotted Mike and Jake. Jake offered me a wave and I pretended I didn't see him, darting my eyes towards the alumni bench. I froze when I saw a very familiar pair of eyes staring back at me. What was he doing here? I didn't even know he played football in high school.

I couldn't break my eyes away for the longest time, but when I finally did the panic set in. Did he know I was going to be here? Was this just to torture me? He had no idea the hell I was going through. And to be honest he didn't deserve to know. Just because I loved him didn't mean I hated him any less. I buried my head in my hands as they walked out towards the center for the coin toss. I looked up just as Edward shoved Mike's chest hard. I peeked my head up and tried to see around all the people that had stood up to watch. By the time they sat down Edward was back at the bench talking to his coach.

I bit anxiously on my nails as the game started. From the very first hit I knew Edward was upset about something. And it was probably the same something that made him push Mike earlier. I had a feeling it had something to do with me and I hated it. I didn't want to be his reason for all this.

I winced as he hit Mike again, almost unable to watch. He was killing himself out there for no reason. Or no good reason. I tried to wait until halftime but I couldn't. With a few minutes to go I got up and started towards the tunnel on the brink of tears. I wasn't prepared enough to see him, especially like this.

Just as my foot met the last step a hand grabbed my arm from behind.

"Rosalie! You scared me," I gasped.

She scowled and pulled me closer.

"And you're scaring the hell out of me. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I can't stay, it's….it's too much."

"I don't mean the game Bella. I know what's going on and it needs to stop."

"Why do you care?" I said, pulling my arm away from her.

"To be honest I don't care. But I care about Edward and you're going to kill him if you keep this up."

"Edward has made it very clear that he doesn't care Rosalie. Why should I live my life for him?" I glanced around trying to avoid her. I half contemplated running for the front gate.

"You don't know shit Bella. And you're right it shouldn't be for him. It should be for you. You're better than this."

"You know what? I've heard that one before," I laughed. "You're better than this Bella, you're beautiful, you're smart." I shook my head. "Apparently I'm not because the person who told me that left me. I'm not good enough." I gave her one last look as the half time buzzer sounded and started towards the tunnel under the bleachers. I needed to get away from everyone.

I waited until I was enveloped in the dark to let the tears fall freely. Nobody understood. Nobody knew. Not to sound cliché but nobody had a fucking clue what I was going through right now. No one.

I reached into my purse and felt along for my flask. I smiled a little through the tears when my fingers brushed against the cool metal. I pulled it out and took a quick sip before I heard someone coming. I panicked and buried it in my purse again.

"Bella?" Mike called. I was slightly relieved and slightly annoyed, but nonetheless I pulled my flask back out and took another large swig.

I could almost make out his outline in the dark as he made his way towards me.

"What are you doing?" He asked when he reached me.

"Making it go away…" I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing." I took another swig, downing the rest as he reached for my hips. My mind shot back to the lingerie in the backseat of his car and I shuddered away. "Don't…touch me."

"What'd I do now?"

"More like who?" I kinked an eyebrow. "I found the bra in the backseat of your car whose is it?"

"That's yours."

"Bullshit."

He sighed and glanced out of the tunnel as I started to feel the numbness overtake me. Took long enough.

"Well I wasn't getting what I needed from you what do you expect?"

"Who was it Mike?"

"Tanya Denali."

Before I could think I reached out and slapped him clear across the face. He had to pick the lowest scum in my world. It was almost a bigger insult.

"You are such a fucking asshole." I started back out towards the end of the tunnel. I heard his footsteps behind me but I was fixed on the figure coming towards me. It couldn't be….

"Bella?" Edward said, stepping closer to me. I could almost see his face in the soft light.

"Bella stop!" Mike ran up behind me and almost snickered when he saw Edward.

"Edward!" A whiny voice called. I'd know that stupid bitch anywhere.

"Do not let her come near me Edward, I swear to God…" I huffed. I wasn't even upset about Mike and her. I didn't give a fuck about Mike. At all. I was just annoyed by the whole situation and that it had to be her. It could have been anyone but her and I would have shrugged it off.

"Tanya just stay back," Edward motioned.

"What does she really think she's going to fight me?" Tanya laughed and crossed her arms. "Just because you can't hold onto your men doesn't mean it has anything to do with me."

"It has everything to do with you you stupid whore!" I launched myself forward and got one good hair pull in before someone pulled me off her. She was cowered back against the bleachers shaking in her little cheerleader boots. "Let go of me!" I yelled, struggling against the pair of strong arms around my waist. It was strange that they were comforting at the same time they were holding me back. It was something I hadn't felt in weeks and a part of me didn't want them to let go.

"Not until you calm down," Edward whispered in my ear.

"I'm fine!" I yelled. I felt his arms loosen around my waist and when I didn't charge again he released me. I stumbled a little around, realizing how hard the alcohol was hitting me.

"You can have this mess Cullen. I'm done with it." Mike shrugged it off like it was nothing and walked out. I felt so dirty wearing his shirt. Almost like it was a thousand bugs crawling all over me. I grabbed the hem and pulled it up over my head, leaving myself completely exposed in just my bra.

"I think this belongs to you skank," I threw the shirt at Tanya and stormed out, meeting the confused glance of the crowd. I quickly caught the attention of the principal and he quickly darted my way.

"Miss Swan can I ask why you're are not wearing a shirt."

"You sure can sir. The whore bag of a person who is sitting in the tunnel right now has it."

He leaned forward and sniffed. "Have you been drinking?"

"Define drinking," I stumbled and almost fell.

"Woah…" Edward said, catching me again.

"Miss Swan I've about had it up to here with you," Principal whatever his name is said.

"Well Captain you aren't a very tall man," I stammered.

"Bella stop talking," Edward said softly.

"No!" I tried to pry myself from his arms.

"Miss Swan I'm putting you on a 3 day suspension. I would recommend that you take a serious look at the path you're headed down and make some better decisions."

"Well you need to make some better wardrobe decisions sir. That suit looks like it was born in the Stone Age."

"You're done here Swan. I'll call your father to come pick you up."

Oh shit. Call the cops. Bella Swan is drunk.

"Sir that isn't necessary. I'll take her home. I take full responsibility for her." Edward grabbed firm hold of my shoulders.

"Don't you have a game to finish Cullen?"

"Not anymore. Can you please let Coach know that I'm very sorry but I will be unavailable for the rest of the game."

"You're such a kiss ass Edward." I laughed.

"Are you sure?" Captain Principal asked.

"Yes sir."

"Can you please get her something to wear before you take her through the crowd?" He looked around.

"Yes." Edward grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the locker room. It was almost empty when he pulled me inside. A few guys lingered behind, their eyes wide when I came strutting through the door. "Get out!" Edward said quickly, his voice completely serious. They didn't ask questions and made a swift exit.

He sat me down on one of the benches and started rummaging through a locker.

"Arms up."

I put my arms up the best I could and he threw a shirt over my head.

"Looks like Tanya scratched you good there." He leaned down and brushed his fingers along my lip. It didn't even hurt until he said something.

He disappeared into the bathroom area and returned a few moments later with a wet paper towel. He started dabbing at my lip ever so delicately as I watched him.

"Why are you doing this Edward?"

"Because you're a mess."

"You made me one." I swayed back and forth a little.

"You need to stop all this Bella, you're…"

"Better than this. That's the second time I've heard that today and that's two times too many."

He shook his head and threw the paper towel into the trash. "Can you walk?"

"I'm not an infant." I started to get up.

"Sometimes I honestly wonder." He grabbed hold of my arm anyway and led me outside towards his car. I glared at him the entire way until he set me in the passenger's side. "Are you going to get sick?"

"I haven't decided yet."

He sighed and got in, rolling down my window the whole way. He turned the car on and weaved his way through the parking lot. I rested my head on the ledge of the window and let my hand fall outside as the cool wind washed over me.

"Emmett it's me," Edward said softly. I briefly glanced at him long enough to see he was on his phone before going back to watching the trees whip past us. "Listen I had a little situation I needed to take care of. I'm sorry I just left. I had to take your car so get a ride with Rose or Mom and Dad. I'll explain later."

We drove in silence towards my house, not even listening to the radio. I stuck my arm out the window as far as it would go and watched it move and sway in the wind.

"You know I didn't sleep with him," I mumbled into my arm.

"What?"

"I didn't sleep with him," I said a little louder. "I couldn't do it."

I expected him to say something but he didn't. I leaned back in the seat and sighed. "It was real wasn't it?" I shook my head and felt the tears slip suddenly down my cheek. "Us? We were it." I didn't even realize I was still talking, but I guess word vomit is better than actual vomit.

He didn't answer me as he pulled up to my gate. He leaned over and pressed the intercom.

"Can I help you?" Charlie's voice asked.

"Charlie it's Edward. Um…I have Bella here. She had a little incident at the football game I just wanted to make sure she got home okay. Can you buzz me in, I'll bring her to the door?"

There was a long pause and the gate finally buzzed open. Edward pulled up to the front and got out of the car to meet me as I stepped out. I must have tripped over my own feet because for the last of several times tonight I plummeted towards the ground. He caught me in time and swooped me up into his arms. I heard the front door open and felt myself start to drift into the darkness.

Edward adjusted me in his arms and started towards what I think was my front door. He paused for a moment and I could just feel the anger radiating off Charlie even in my state.

"What the hell?" Charlie said.

"She'll be okay. She just needs to sleep it off. Can I put her in bed or would you like to have your guard dog do it?" Edward said, his voice a little on edge.

Charlie sighed and mumbled something about being really tired of this shit before he opened the front door. I vaguely remember Edward carrying me up the stairs and laying me in bed. I'm sure Charlie was hovering at the door. And just before Edward let go of me he leaned down close to my ear and whispered something as I drifted off into the darkness.

"It's real baby."

**A/N: Wow wow wee wow. Lots of schtuff happening in this chapter. Thoughts on Bella's tat? The confrontation with Tanya? Newton's epic douchebaggery? Edward's confession? It's starting to get juicy. Let me know what you think.**


	27. Shattered

**A/N: So I've been looking forward to writing this chapter ever since I started this story. It's going to be VERY intense and contains some heavy subject matter, just a little warning there. I most likely won't be posting again this week as it's very hectic. I have two phone interviews for internships for this summer. Wish me luck : )**

**I really wanted to add a song by Lifehouse called "It Is What It Is" to the playlist but it wasn't available, so please check it out. Great song. Enjoy!**

**Bella**

A week after Footballgate I was still trying to decide if I'd dreamed it or not in my drunken stupor. Did I imagine it? Cause it felt really fucking real. I only remembered bits and pieces of the night, especially after my run in with Tanya. Apparently there was nudity and sarcastic remarks to the principal involved but that's all hearsay.

Charlie wasn't too thrilled with my suspension but it gave me some time to catch up on my sleep during the day.

Sneaking out at night had become surprisingly easy. I was a little surprised that Riley had let his guard down. It was almost like he was two different people. Whenever Charlie was around he was the same hard ass that walked through the door on that first day. But when it was just me and him, especially at night, he didn't even pay attention to me. Last night I waltzed right out the front door without a care in the world. I probably should have thought that was weird, but to be honest I didn't give a fuck. Made it less of a hassle for me.

"Bella I'm working tonight." Charlie peeked his head inside my room. "Remember you're still grounded." He gave me the "I think I'm a badass" look, kinking both of his eyebrows up and tilting his chin down.

"Whatever." I shook my head and glanced at the clock. It was past dinnertime and I was fucking starving. "There's no food," I said before he left, quickly remembering the empty refrigerator.

"I'll leave some money on the table. Have Riley take you shopping."

"Can't I just take the truck and go myself?"

"No," he said, disappearing down the hallway. I heard the door slam a few minutes later. I sighed and rolled off my bed just as my phone vibrated on my nightstand.

_Party tonight. My place. It's going to be epic. –J_

Jessica always had the best parties, mostly because her brother was kind of a bad kid. It was usually his doing. His parents kicked him out last year, but he snaked his way back in. That's the thing with parents, they have a hard time with tough love. Except my father of course. He seems to gravitate towards anything that has the possibility of breaking me.

I shrugged and opened my door. Riley was down in the living room watching something stupid on television. I shuffled down the stairs and stood behind him.

"My dad wants us to go shopping."

He nodded and got up, grabbing his keys along the way. I didn't say a word as I got into his car and waited. This had become the extent of my relationship with him. We only spoke to each other when absolutely necessary and I'm sure that's how my dad wanted it. Wouldn't want me getting "attached" or whatever he called it.

Riley drove slowly through the parking lot of the grocery store looking for a parking spot. It was pretty crowded for a Saturday and we had to park way in the back. I got out, not bothering to wait for him, and started inside.

I grabbed the last cart in the rack and started meandering through the isles. I didn't really know what I wanted so I just went for everything. I got some frozen dinners, cereal, chips, some soda, and finally turned down the bread aisle only to freeze dead in my tracks. He was here.

I shuffled my feet and around and tried desperately to turn the full cart around but it was too heavy. It whipped around and right into a display of muffins, knocking all of them to the ground. I closed my eyes tight and waited for the voice I knew was coming.

"Bella?" Edward said.

I opened my eyes and saw him picking up some of the muffins off the floor.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Did you really have that much hatred against all these muffins that you had to barrel right into them?" He laughed nervously and set some on the table.

"Yeah I guess so." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and tried to smile. I knew it looked fake. I haven't genuinely smiled since he left and I sucked at pretending.

"How…how is everything going?" He was making small talk. Did everything really amount to this? We were just going to have that awkward run in every once in awhile. Act like nothing happened.

"It's fine. By the way, thank you. For taking me home last week. I was a mess." I laughed under my breath, trying to brush it off.

"Yeah you were," he said seriously.

I cleared my throat and looked around trying to avoid his stare. I knew the exact look in his eyes at this very moment. He was disappointed. For the first time since we broke up I actually felt embarrassed. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks before I even realized what it was. This was the first time, well the first time sober, that I was facing him. And it just made it feel worse. I didn't hurt any less, but I finally felt ashamed. Like maybe I did deserve better, even if he didn't want to be with me. Maybe we could be friends someday.

"Edward I…" I started.

"Edward! I found it…"

My jaw locked tight as Tanya trotted up behind him and placed her hand on his arm. Everything I'd just felt was gone in an instant. Wiped out in one single moment. The bad thing about starting to feel better is how much it fucking hurts when it disappears. The hate I felt for the girl in front of me was amplified by a thousand, and honestly I'd never felt so betrayed by him. After everything she put him through and how she treated me and our relationship, I couldn't for the life of me understand this.

"I….I…" I blinked and tried to form a coherent sentence.

"Bella I…" Edward started.

"I…" I felt the weight of the moment on my chest and struggled to find my breath. "Excuse me." I clutched at my throat and spun around, leaving my cart in the aisle. I pulled out my phone as soon as I was out of sight and dialed Jake's number.

"Bella?"

"J…Jake," I stuttered, the tears starting to flow freely down my cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"I need you to come get me."

"Where are you?"

"At the grocery store."

"Okay I'll be right there."

I wiped my eyes and peeked around the corner, trying to find Riley. I had to get out of here, I couldn't breathe. When he turned the corner to another aisle I ran as fast as I could out the door and hid behind a large van parked by the curb. I pulled my knees up to my chest and laid my head down as I waited for him.

I popped up when I saw his Volkswagen pull in the parking lot and hopped inside, crouching down in the front seat. Jake squealed out of the parking lot and rubbed his hand up and down my back as I cried.

The car eventually came to a stop, but I didn't move. And he didn't say anything. He just sat with me.

"Would it be a bad time to tell you that you have a piece of muffin in your hair?" He leaned over and pulled at a strand.

I sniffled and turned to face him. "He's with Tanya," I mumbled.

"Bella I don't really think…"

"I saw them Jake!" I screamed. "I….saw them." I shook my head and buried my head in my lap. "Unbelievable."

"I'm sorry." He leaned back and sighed. "It's just hard for me to believe that he was actually there with her Bells."

"She touched his fucking arm."

"So that means they're sleeping together?"

"She has sex with anything male. I wouldn't be surprised if he got the clap just from her touching him. Can you just…take me home? I'm sure Riley's already called Charlie about my escape." I sat up and wished I had some booze at the house. Charlie refused to even buy it anymore because he knows it'll be gone the next day. I felt completely lost. At least before I just thought Edward didn't want me. Now I realized that he wanted Tanya all along. It broke my heart all over again.

Jake put the car in gear and started driving as the sun set behind the horizon. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I was naïve enough to think it was him calling to explain everything. Tell me that I was wrong. Tell me that he wasn't with her. Tell me that he still loved me. I knew now more than ever that I was dreaming the other night, because there was no way that guy in the supermarket would have said that to me.

_Where the hell are you? Get your ass here now. –J_

I'd all but forgotten about the party at Jessica's until now. I saw my salvation right in front of me and almost smiled at the thought. Almost. I had to come up with something though; Jake had been watching me like a hawk lately. I doubt he'd consciously drive me to a party.

"Um…Jake I actually needed to borrow a book from Jessica. Could you just drop me off there, I can have her take me home."

"Sure." He nodded and turned around, starting towards Jessica's house. He slowed as he started down the hallway, probably hearing the same thing I was hearing. Music. Really loud music. It was almost like it was calling my name.

"Did you know about this Bella?"

"No I swear." I lied. "I'll just run in really quick to get it and be right back." I managed a smile and hopped out. I sighed with relief as soon as I stepped in the door. I was home.

"Bella!" Jessica screamed. "Thank God I've been waiting for you to get here!" She shoved a drink into my hand and I smiled, completely downing it.

"Well I guess I'll just have to catch up." I winked and reached for one of the bottles. Fifteen minutes later I saw Jake walk through the door and I ducked into another room to avoid him. I knew he'd drag me out of here if he found me. We zoomed around for a while, like a game of cat and mouse. He rounded the corner and I grabbed the first person I could see and pulled them in front of me. "Hide me," I laughed, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol already.

"Gladly."

I looked up and saw James smiling down at me.

"Oh." I stumbled. "Hi."

"Hi." He took a sip of his beer. "Who are you avoiding?"

"Jake." I shrugged. "He wouldn't let me stay here if he found me."

"Oh I thought maybe it was Edward…"

I leaned into the corner and took another sip. "No not Edward," I laughed under my breath and diverted my eyes to the floor.

"So you guys definitely aren't getting back together?"

"No I don't think so."

"Good. Maybe now you'll finally go out with me."

I looked up and was surprised to see his face so close to mine. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I tilted my head up. I couldn't believe I was actually going to let him kiss me. I knew it would end badly. I knew I'd regret it. And just like everything else I didn't care.

He gave me that sly smile and I hated that I was letting him win. It wasn't really about him. But I finally felt the urge to completely let go. I closed my eyes and waited.

I didn't expect the harsh tug on my arm. I stumbled forward and nearly fell over. If Edward hadn't been holding onto me I would have.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled.

"Saving you from hating yourself later." He started to drag me out the back door. I felt every single pair of eyes staring at the scene he was causing.

He pulled me outside and down the steps, into the darkness of the trees behind Jessica's house. He pushed me up against the trunk of the tree and crossed his arms.

"You have no right…" I started.

"What? I have no right to stop someone I care about from making a huge mistake."

"You don't care Edward!" I screamed.

"Don't I?"

"No. Because if you did you wouldn't be with that disgrace of a person!"

"Tanya? Bella I'm not with Tanya." He placed his hands on either side of my head, completely trapping me between him and the tree. "Do you really think…I could ever just drop you for her? I never felt for her what I feel for you."

"I don't understand."

He closed his eyes and his fists clenched tight beside me. "Nevermind. Just forget it. Jake's waiting to take you home." He started to turn around but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Don't walk away from me!" I forced his eyes to mine and I finally saw what I'd been missing this whole time. Love. "You really said it didn't you?" I wiped away my tears but it was useless. They were quickly replaced with new ones and I couldn't do anything to stop them. "It's real baby…" I whispered, reaching up to touch his face, feeling the dampness of his cheeks. "Edward?" I cried.

He sighed and I saw the war he was waging with himself. I prayed like Hell that my side would win. He pressed his forehead against mine and softly grasped my cheeks. He finally turned his gaze to me again and I felt my knees go weak under its weight. "It's real," he whispered a moment before he pressed his lips to mine.

I felt the instant wave of calm rush through me as his hands wandered down my neck and my sides, finally resting on my hips. "It's real," he said again against my lips.

I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair, missing the way it felt and smelled. I needed him near me and now that I had that again I couldn't lose it. I couldn't let him go. I finally felt complete again.

His hands drifted down my thighs and rested there before pulling my legs up around his waist. He pushed me roughly back into the tree as he brought his lips to my neck.

"I love you," I whispered. "Nothing else matters. We'll find a way to make it work, I don't care about what Charlie thinks."

I knew something was wrong the moment the words slipped out of my mouth. I felt his hands tighten around me, in complete panic mode.

"What's wrong?" I sniffled and grabbed hold of his chin, trying to force him to look at me. He was looking straight at me, but even I knew he didn't see me. He wasn't there. "Edward?"

"I…I can't." He released his hold on me and took a step back. "I shouldn't have done that."

I reached out for him and he took another step back, narrowly avoiding my touch.

"Wait…" I pleaded as he turned around.

"I'm sorry," he shook his head and started walking away. I told my legs to walk, to run after him, but I was paralyzed.

"Edward wait!" I screamed. I felt the burn in my throat but I still couldn't move. He got smaller and smaller as he traveled quickly across the yard, eventually disappearing into the darkness.

I tried to take a step but stumbled and fell forward onto my hands. The twigs and brush along the ground cut into them, but I ignored the pain and kept crawling towards the spot he'd disappeared from. I finally got to the porch and pulled myself into a ball, rocking back and forth until I could actually feel again. And the moment I did I wished for the numbness again. I stood up, my legs wobbling, and made my way up the porch steps and back into the house.

"Geez Bella, what the hell happened out there?" Jessica said, smiling and laughing as she skipped over to me.

"I need to see your brother."

"Why we've got a ton of booze down here."

"Don't fuck around with me Jess where is he?" I knocked the drink she was holding out of her hands. She stared back at me, her eyes wide with surprise.

"He's in his room," she said softly. "Last door down the hallway…" She pointed down a long, dark hallway that I'd never been down before. I guess I knew why now.

I grabbed a bottle of liquor and started down it, running straight to the last door and pounding on it.

"Hold on. Jesus!" He yelled from inside. He finally opened the door and squinted out. "Bella?"

"I need something."

"Sorry I sold my last bag to some dork with Rick Moranis glasses an hour ago." He started to close his door.

"No. I want something stronger." I stuck my arm out and pushed the door back open.

He stared at me for a long moment before disappearing into his room.

"You shouldn't mess around with this stuff. Are you sure?" He handed me a small bag of white powder.

"I don't pay you for your input." I reached into my back pocket and gave him all the cash I had except for a single dollar bill. "Keep it." I took the bag from him and started back down the hallway. I stopped at the last door before the living room and slipped inside, hoping I slipped in without anyone noticing.

I turned around and realized it was an office, probably her dad's. There were bookshelves lining the walls and a small desk. A long, leather couch sat in the middle of the room with a completely glass coffee table in front of it. I quickly ran over to the couch and emptied the contents of the bag onto the table. I knew I was at the edge. I'd never even contemplated something this serious and I knew it was stupid. I didn't want any chance of feeling anything right now. It hurt me so bad I wanted to scream out in pain. I probably could and no one would even notice. I was invisible. Barely a blip on anyone's radar. And I was alone.

I barely noticed the tears again, it was almost like I couldn't feel them anymore. I tried to focus, my hand shaky and my vision blurry, as I separated the small pile of powder into three lines. I wiped at my nose and stared at them, trying to understand how I'd gotten here. This wasn't me. But I don't think I've been me for a long time.

I rolled my dollar bill into a small tube and slowly bent down, pressing it against the glass. I felt my breathing increase as I glared at them, hating them for making me want them. I hated them almost as much as I hated myself right now. I told myself to just do it, but I couldn't move. The tears fell like raindrops from my cheeks and down onto the table, creating a small puddle along side the streaks of white.

"Damn it!" I screamed, dropping the dollar and grasping a firm hold of the table as I overturned it. Everything crashed to the floor and I expected someone to burst through the door, but they didn't. I screamed again knowing that no one would. It was the first time I was able to let everything out. I'd been keeping all this inside and all the crying and alcohol in the world didn't get it out. I screamed again and my knees buckled, causing me to fall back onto the couch. I grasped onto the first pillow I could grab and sobbed into it, allowing myself to yell and curse everything that was fucking up my life right now.

I welcomed the fuzzy, lightheaded feeling starting to seep through me. After I was convinced I couldn't scream anymore and snuggled close to the pillow and fought desperately to keep my eyes open. And I did just long enough to see the door creep open and a dark figure step inside, locking the door behind him.

**Edward**

"Edward1" Esme called from the kitchen. "Can you do me a huge favor?" She peeked her head around the corner and smiled.

"Yeah," I stared straight ahead at nothing, barely listening to her. My mind was still racing from everything that happened with Bella. Even though I told myself not to, I had to protect her. I told myself to get someone else to drive her home, but I had to make sure she was safe. And I forbid myself from letting those three words slip from my mouth, but I couldn't lie to her anymore. I only hoped for both of our sakes that she didn't remember. I didn't want to hurt her like that. Give her false hope. As much as I wanted there to be there wasn't. Circumstances were always going to get in the way. And it didn't matter how much I loved her or how much I liked to pretend that all that other shit wasn't important.

"Can you run to the store for me? I'm out of milk and I need some bread."

"Okay. I'll be right back." I grabbed my keys and started out towards my car.

The parking lot was pretty for it being around dinnertime. I'd just assumed everyone would be at home. Or I was hoping. I tried to avoid people in town as much as possible. I was stupid to think they didn't know everything. I saw it every time they stared at me.

I grabbed some milk and quickly made my way through the crowds of people to the bread aisle. I glanced up and down the walkway, trying to find the right kind. I think I was so nervous I couldn't even read right.

"Looking for something?" Tanya said, suddenly stepping into my view.

"Yes. But I don't need any help from you." After that stunt she pulled I was fully convinced that she'd never change. And I had no desire to stick around to see.

"You're looking for that special kind of bread Esme likes." She winked and walked away. I shook my head and took one more walk down the aisle, still unable to find it. I was just about to give up when a commotion to my left caught my attention. I spun around just in time to see Bella's brown hair scurrying to get away.

"Bella?" I said, bending down to pick up a display of muffins she'd knocked over.

She turned around, a look of panic on her face. This was different than seeing her the other night. Maybe because she wasn't drunk as shit. Maybe because I was scared of what those beautiful brown eyes could make me do. I spouted out the first thing that came to my mind, unable to think anything else but "I love you" or "I still want you."

As soon as I heard Tanya's voice I cringed. I could only imagine what this looked like to Bella. But it wasn't. And it never would be. To be honest at this point I felt like Bella had ruined me for anyone else, even if it hadn't been Tanya.

I turned my eyes to Bella's and knew in a heartbeat what she was thinking. I tried to stutter out an explanation but she bolted, leaving me and her cart deserted in the aisle.

"What the hell are you doing? I ripped my arm away from her.

"What? I found the bread." She smiled and handed it to me.

"God you are such a…manipulative…stupid…" I stomped off in the direction Bella had run, desperate to explain. I couldn't live with her thinking what she was. It was the farthest thing from the truth. But I was too late. She was gone.

"Do me a favor?" I spat at Tanya. "Next time you see me, avoid me like the fucking plague because you are not going to like what I have to say to you." I brushed past her and up towards the register to pay. I contemplated trying to call her on the drive home, but I doubted she'd answer.

"Edward did you find it?" Esme called as I walked through the door.

"Yeah," I sighed, dropping it off in the kitchen and heading towards the couch again.

"Your dad just got called into work so it looks like its just us tonight bub." She hummed lightly to herself as she cooked, swaying side to side in front of the stove.

I almost told myself to ignore the ringing of my phone, but something told me, almost compelled me to answer it.

"Jake what's up?"

"It's Bella."

I sat up on the couch and cleared my throat. "What is it? Is she okay?"

"I don't know what happened between you earlier, but when I picked her up earlier I thought I was going to have to take her to the hospital she was so hysterical. And then we ended up at this party and now I can't find her. I'm sorry to call you but I'm worried." I've never heard him sound so scared and it made me terrified.

"Where are you?"

"Jessica's."

"Okay keep looking. I'll be there as soon as I can." I jumped off the couch and bolted towards the door. "Mom I'm sorry I have to go. It's an emergency." I didn't wait for her response and left, quickly jumping in my car and screeching out of the driveway. I was thankful that Jessica's place was so fucking close to mine. If I had anymore time to think about what could be happening to her right now I'd drive myself insane.

I pulled into Jessica's and turned off the car, leaving the door open as I ran towards the house. I ran straight into Jake by the door as he held his phone to his ear.

"She's not answering." He shook his head as his eyes darted around the room.

"Okay keep trying. I'll look around." I pushed my way through people, ignoring their insults as I spilled their drinks. I spotted Jessica and even Newton making out with some chick in the corner. I was just about to turn around when I spotted her. And she was with him.

I took a few deliberate steps forward and grabbed her arm just as he leaned down to kiss her.

She yelled at me as I pulled her through the crowd. I couldn't talk to her here and there was no way she'd listen with everyone around. I cornered her against the trees, just far enough so she was disconnected from the party. And as soon as we were alone I knew it was a bad idea. She bitched and screamed at me, but I still felt this pull towards her. I didn't even realize I'd taken a step towards her until it was too late. I'd been without her for so long and it was killing me. I told myself no again. And I didn't listen again. I just needed to feel her, and for that moment I didn't care about the consequences. And when I pressed my lips to hers all of my doubts disappeared in seconds. I instantly felt better just being near her like this again. Honestly a part of me wanted to say "fuck it" and take her away from all of this. I almost did. And then she said the one word that stopped me dead in my tracks. Charlie.

My thoughts shot back to everything Charlie had said that night, and everything I'd seen and I panicked, just like I did then. I hated to admit that I was a coward but this wasn't something I could beat. It owned me completely. And I was lost to it now. I wasn't here. My only thought was escaping. I had to leave. I told my legs to walk, even though it felt like each step was cutting deeper into my heart.

I passed Jake at the door and told him where she was and that he should take her home. I didn't want her here, but I couldn't stay a minute longer. I couldn't lose it in front of her. It would kill the both of us.

I didn't drive home; I headed straight to the hospital. I needed to talk to Carlisle. I was royally fucked up and I had no idea how to fix it. And I needed to be fixed. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. I couldn't even imagine the damage I'd just inflicted and all because I was a weak bastard.

"Is my father in?" I asked the secretary as I stepped into the Emergency Room entrance. He always hated nights like these when he had to work in here. Said it was too unpredictable. Too unstable.

"He's just getting out of surgery Edward. You're welcome to wait in his office I think it's open."

I nodded my head and walked the few steps around the corner to his office and sat down, tapping my thumb against my knee. I waited and waited, becoming slightly irritated that I was left with nothing but my thoughts. I sighed and stood back up, stepping outside his office to walk around a little. I paced back and forth in front of his office, glancing up at the clock ever few minutes. I eventually leaned against the wall, allowing my head to drift back and my eyes close shut as the nurses bustled around me.

"Someone help!" A voice screamed from the front. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a man burst through the doors, a small half naked woman dangling lifelessly in his arms. I almost closed my eyes again, but the face slowly registered in my mind.

"Please!" Jake screamed. My legs moved before my mind could catch up, pushing people out of the way.

"What happened?" I screamed, looking down at Bella. Her arms and legs fell limp at her sides. I took her in my arms and shook her lightly.

"I don't know man. I just found her like this!" His eyes were red and puffy from crying, barely able to stay open.

My own tears started pouring down my face as I shook her again.

"Bella." Her eyes were closed, almost like she was sleeping peacefully. "Bella!" I screamed, trying to restrain myself. My eyes darted around the room, looking for someone or something to help me. "Someone…someone help please," I gasped for air as I felt all the oxygen rush out of my lungs. I glanced down at Bella, hoping to see something, just some sign of life. "Baby," I whispered. But she wasn't there. My Bella wasn't there. Not even the Bella from earlier was there. She was just a body.

"Edward give her to me," Carlisle said, forcefully taking her away from me. He carried her quickly to the nearest bed and set her down. A flurry of nurses and other doctors crowded around her but I was frozen in place, everything happening in slow motion around me. It was like my whole world had stopped the moment she came through that door. And as I stood half dead watching them work on her comatose body, I didn't know if I was ever going to get it back.

**A/N: Tear. Heartbreaking. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but the weatherman is forecasting sunny skies ahead. At least for a little while.**


	28. The Point

**A/N First of all I wanted to just clear something up. Bella did not do the hard drugs. If you read back through that section she tried but couldn't push herself to do it, which is when she freaked out on the table and spooned with the pillow. **

**Secondly a playlist for this chapter is up on the blog.**

**Lastly thank you to everyone who has reviewed, recommended, favorited this story. It means a lot. And no we're not done with them yet ; )**

**Edward**

"Edward stay back!" Carlisle yelled again. I'd had a hard time just standing there doing nothing. "Just let us work son!"

I clenched my teeth and stepped back, pacing back and forth just beyond the curtain. With each slow step and each tick of the clock I felt the panic seep more and more into my chest. I'd occasionally peek into the thin sliver of space between the curtain and every time I did I regretted it.

The nurses and doctors were frantically moving around Bella, shouting out all these things that I would have understood if I had a clear mind. But now it just sounded like mumbles of absolute nothing. Jake sat in the chair next to wear I stood with his head in his hands.

"We've got vomit!" One of the nurses yelled. I stuck my head inside and watched as she turned Bella's unconscious face to the side just as she threw up.

"Okay get the equipment, we need to move fast on this," Carlisle said as he looked up at me. My hand shook, gripping tightly onto the curtain as I watched. The metal loops above me clanged against the pole and I tried to steady myself. Carlisle sighed and started towards me. He forced me outside and pulled the curtain tight behind him, closing off any view I had of her.

"What's going on? Is she going to be okay?" I stuttered, almost unable to get the words out.

Carlisle turned towards Jake and crouched down. "Jacob I need to ask you a few questions okay?"

"I don't really know anything Dr. Cullen."

"Well just start from the beginning. Any little thing might help."

Jake nodded and ran his hand across his forehead. "After Edward left I went in the backyard to get her and take her home but she wasn't there. So I went back inside to look for her. No one knew where she was. I finally caught up with Jessica and she said that Bella had been in there and seemed really upset about something. She thought she saw her go her dad's office." He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "She showed me where it was and I was just about to go inside when I saw this guy sneak out."

I felt my fists automatically clench at my sides. "Who was it?"

"I don't know. He had his hood up, I didn't see his face. But I ran in there and she….she was on the couch completely passed out and looking like that." He nodded in towards the curtain. "I tried to wake her up, even slapped her to get her to open her eyes and she just….she wouldn't." I tried to hold it together as a tear slipped down his cheek. "The room was a complete mess, the table was turned over and there was this white stuff all over the floor."

"White stuff?" Carlisle asked. "Was it liquid or powder?"

"Powder I think."

"Carlisle please tell me it's not what I think it is…" I whispered.

"I don't know son, we took some blood work and I put a rush on it. Should be here shortly." He stared at me for a moment later before walking up to the nurse's station. I know he was trying to whisper but I heard it anyway.

"Can we please get a rape kit ordered?" He said to the nurse.

I felt all the oxygen rush of out my lungs in one large whoosh as my knees buckled beneath me. I grabbed the wall for support to keep myself from crashing to the floor.

I wasn't a very religious person. Never had anything against it, I just wasn't. But at the moment I prayed more than I ever did that she hadn't been…

I told God that I'd do anything…anything to not have her go through that. I knew it'd be her worst fear come true and that she wouldn't survive it. I wouldn't survive it. A nurse bustled past me and into Bella's room. A moment later a slew of people walked out, taking lots of machines with them.

"Dad what are they doing? What's going on?" I asked.

"We had to pump her stomach Edward. She'd consumed a lot of alcohol. We're running…another test right now." He shifted his eyes to the floor. "I'm going to go call Charlie." He turned around and left, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my heart.

I sat down next to Jake and buried my head in my hands as we waited. I don't know how long we sat there, but I felt completely disconnected from the world. I didn't hear anything anyone was saying, I didn't notice the people rushing around in front of me. I just sat there and counted the tiles on the floor below me again and again.

"Edward?" Carlisle said, tapping me on the shoulder. I jumped and looked up at him. He nodded towards the corner, a silent code for me to follow him.

"Relax son she's going to be okay." He patted my shoulder. "We got her tests results back. There were absolutely no drugs in her system, just a lot of alcohol. She was suffering from alcohol poisoning, that's why she was so unresponsive. We got it out of her stomach and she's just going to need a lot of rest now."

"And the other test?"

"What test?"

I shuffled my feet and looked down at the floor, trying to mentally prepare myself.

"The rape kit Carlisle. Was she?"

"No," he said seriously. "There were no signs of consensual or nonconsensual sexual contact."

"Thank God," I sighed. "Thank God." I bowed my head and wiped away a few tears. "Can I see her?"

"Yeah. She'll be sleeping, but you can see her. I'll warn you Charlie's on his way though." He led me back to her room and ushered me inside. She didn't look quite as scary as she did before. I mean all the tubes were still there but there was almost something peaceful about her. Just like she was sleeping. The perfect angel.

I sat down in the chair beside her and glanced down at her hand, perfectly relaxed beside her body. I ran my fingers over the top and all the way down to the tip of her finger. I hesitated a moment before I sat up and slowly crawled into the bed, laying my body down beside hers.

"Bella if you can hear me squeeze my hand…" I whispered as I entwined my fingers with hers. I don't know if I imagined it or if she did, but I swear I felt the slightest bit of movement against my skin.

"I'm just going to pretend that was a yes." I turned my body towards hers and watched her chest rising slowly up and down with each breath. "I know this probably isn't the best time for this, it would be better if you were…awake. But I love you and I…I don't want to be away from you anymore. I can't." After realizing that I could have lost her I decided in that moment that I was going to fight harder than I did before. It was a shitty way to realize it, but the wake up call worked. Just knowing that she could have been taken away from me ignited a spark somewhere deep down inside me and I suddenly didn't care about Charlie or his threats or anyone else. If I had her by my side I could face anything that they threw at me. I might not like it, but I could face it. I could be brave for her.

Since when did everything in our relationship have to revolve around anything but us? It didn't seem right. And it wasn't. I planned on making it right, no matter what it took.

I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her cheek before lifting myself up off the bed. Carlisle was standing at the nurse's station thumbing through some paperwork.

"Dad I need your help."

After I explained everything to him, he reluctantly agreed to help me and led me to a small room down the hall from Bella. I think it was a meeting room for families and doctors to talk about patients. There wasn't much to it. Just a few chairs facing each other and some God-awful paintings on the walls. My leg bounced up and down as I waited. I wouldn't lie, I was scared shitless, but it didn't matter. I had to do this.

I felt myself tense up when I heard his voice.

"I don't understand Carlisle. Why can't I see her right now?" Charlie said. He was angry. I could hear it in his voice.

"I just have some last minute paperwork for you," Carlisle replied.

The door handle turned slowly and I held my breath and Charlie and Carlisle slipped inside.

"What the hell is this?" Charlie yelled, putting his hands on his hips. "I want to see my daughter now!"

"Charlie I can assure you that Bella is okay. And I understand that you want to see her, but I just need to speak with you first."

"This is bullshit," he turned to Carlisle but he had already walked out and closed the door.

"Sit," I nodded to the chair across from me.

He huffed, completely surprised that I was telling him what to do, but eventually sat down. "What could you possibly have to say to me?"

I took a deep breath and started talking. "I think you're stubborn. I think you're a coward."

Charlie laughed and started to get up.

"Sit down. I'm not finished," I said sternly. He hesitated for a moment, but sat back down. "You were right. Bella is messed up. But so are you. And so am I. Charlie I'm so unbelievably fucked up, you have no idea. And now the person that we both loved the most, more than anything in this world is laying in a hospital." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "I mean…do you have any idea what could have happened? I do, because I've been dreading this since you walked through my door that day. It's plagued my mind, made me paranoid as all hell. But I still didn't do anything because I was scared of you." I laughed under my breath. "But I'm done Charlie. I'm done waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and see what's right in front of you. Your daughter is dying. She's slowly killing herself. Are you really so fucking blind that you can't see that?" I shook my head and stood up. "So I've done it your way, but we're doing it my way now. Because your way sucks. I'm not asking for my job back, but I'm telling you I'm going to be with her, if she'll still have me. And if you don't like it that's just too fucking bad." I walked out the door, leaving Charlie to digest everything.

"Oh good. You two didn't kill each other," Carlisle said as I walked back to Bella's room. I sat down beside her and took her hand. I expected Charlie to burst in a minute later and tell me to leave, but he didn't. I eventually heard him coming down the hallway, his footsteps slow but deliberate. He pulled back the curtain and didn't seem surprised to see me there.

"I'll give you a minute." I stood up and started walking out but he grabbed my shoulder. I finally looked at his face and saw that his eyes were red and puffy. He'd been crying.

"Wait I need to…say something," he sighed. "Thank you. You….you were right." I knew that was like the Holy Grail coming out of his mouth. I don't think I'd ever heard those words from him before. "I'm…I'm going to make an effort alright? Just please, don't flaunt it in front of me. And if I ever walk in on what I walked in on before I will kick your ass. I know you love her Edward, I was just…"

"Being a dad. And an overprotective asshole."

"Yeah." His face turned serious. "And one more thing, don't ever talk to me like that again." He pointed his finger at me and turned around to go sit next to her.

"Yes sir."

I headed down to the cafeteria to get myself and Charlie some coffee. I was hoping she'd be awake soon. I was going to tell her everything. Maybe not right away, but soon. I was going to tell her about my fears and the threats and about Charlie, whether or not it was true or not. She needed to know. I needed her to understand. It didn't excuse how I acted but it sure as hell explains it. But I'm done using all that shit as a crutch. I'm done with it.

I moseyed back towards Bella's room, completely freezing outside her curtain when I heard her voice.

"I'm fine Dad," she said softly.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? Are you cold?" Charlie asked. I smiled a little only imagining that she was rolling her eyes at him.

"I guess I'm a little thirsty."

"Okay I'll be right back." Charlie quickly ducked out of the area, almost knocking into me. "She's awake," he smiled.

I nodded and hesitated before I stepped inside. She was sitting up in her bed, her eyes focused on the Cops episode on the television.

"I've seen this one," I said softly.

Her head snapped towards me and she started fidgeting nervously with her blanket. I sat down in Charlie's chair and watched her as she diverted her eyes down to the bed. She could feel my eyes on her and tried desperately to avoid looking at me. I could see the fight with herself plainly on her face.

"It's okay Bella you can look at me."

"No I can't."

"Why not?"

"Why are you here Edward?"

I cocked my head to the side. "What do you mean why am I here?"

"I mean…I mean thanks for checking on me, but you can go. I'm okay now." She looked back up at the television and my brow furrowed in confusion.

"You don't…want me here?"

She shook her head. "It's just…"

Charlie snuck inside, interrupting her as I sat paralyzed. She didn't want me here. I guess I'd thought about the possibility that she wouldn't want me but I never dreamed it'd happen. I kept my eyes fixed on her as Charlie handed her a glass of water.

"Um…I'm going to go," I said softly. I stood up and handed Charlie his coffee.

"Can you do me a favor?" He cleared his throat and took a step towards me. "Can you go to the house, get some clothes and some things for her? I think she'd rather have you do it than me or Riley."

"I'm not really sure Riley would let me in," I said, my voice completely flat. "Maybe he should just do it." I was really trying to avoid it. She obviously didn't want me here; I doubt she wanted me going through her things. It didn't mean I was giving up, but I wasn't going to push her now. Not now.

"I'll call him and let him know you're coming. Thanks Edward."

I sighed and walked out. I drove slowly to Bella's house, trying to drag out the process. I sat outside the gate for five minutes before I pressed the button.

"Swan Residence?" Riley's voice echoed.

"It's Edward."

"I'll buzz you in."

The loud sound rang out as the gate slowly inched open and I drove inside. I parked the car and swung my keys around nervously in my hands as I walked up the stairs. I didn't know if I should knock or just go in, but Riley opened the door before I could make a decision.

"Come in." He held open the door and I stepped inside.

"Thanks. I just need to pick up a few things for Bella."

His face contorted for a quick moment before he composed himself, but I'd definitely seen something. Almost like he was pissed about something. I don't know if it was my confrontation with Charlie making me brave, but I took a step towards him.

"Just curious, where the hell were you at tonight while she was almost drinking herself to death?"

"She snuck away from me at the grocery store, what was I supposed to do about it?" His face was cold, unfeeling. Like he didn't even care about Bella really. There was something behind the façade but it wasn't something that had anything to do with her.

"You were supposed to go after her. You were supposed to call every fucker in town asking if they knew anything. You were supposed to go to every house….check every place she could be. I made your mistake once, but she didn't end up in the fucking hospital."

He took step towards me. We were so close now that my chest bumped against his. If he thought he scared me he was in for a surprise.

"You better watch yourself kid."

"Or what?" I laughed. "You going to beat me up?" I started up the stairs towards Bella's room. "Something's going on man. I don't trust you." I pushed Bella's door open. "And I'm going to find out what you're hiding so you better watch yourself."

**Bella**

When I turned thirteen, I got a call from my grandmother asking if I felt any different. When I talked to my dad after my first day of high school he asked me the same thing. Both times the answer was no. I was never one of those people to wake up one day and say "Yeah I feel different." But when I woke up in that hospital bed I felt different. Older. Sick of the games I was playing. It was strange to think that it hit me like that, but it did. I opened my eyes and was cascaded by an ocean of white. White walls, white curtains, white blankets, white chairs. I knew exactly where I was even though I had no idea how I got here. And it scared the shit out of me.

I remembered seeing Edward at the store. I remembered Tanya. I remembered sneaking out on Riley. And I remembered my run in with Edward later. It made me sick to my stomach to think about it. How could I be so stupid?

"Bells?" Charlie said, as he leaned over my bed.

"Am I grounded?" I asked.

"Yes." He nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," I sighed and tried to run my fingers through my hair. My hand was painfully pulled back down towards the bed and I realized I had an I.V. plugged into my skin. "I'm sorry Dad."

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? Are you cold?" He asked. Almost on cue my dry throat started screaming at me.

"I guess I'm a little thirsty," I admitted.

"Okay I'll be right back." He disappeared out into the hallway. I looked around for a minute before flipping on the television.

"I've seen this one," Edward said, stepping inside and taking a sip from his coffee.

I didn't understand why he was here. I doubt Charlie called him. Maybe Carlisle? I was still furious at him completely unable to even look in his direction. I was embarrassed that it'd come to this. I didn't know why I cared what he thought but I did. I was sick of being the kid he was always looking after. It was an old routine.

He asked me why I wouldn't look at him and as soon as I did I knew why he was here. I saw the guilt all over his face. He thought it was his fault I was in here. And I couldn't bear to inconvenience him just because he felt bad. It just made me feel awkward.

"You don't…want me here?"

I sighed and shook my head. I wanted him here. I was still in love with him and I wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around me again. But not like this. "It's just…"

Charlie stepped through the curtain and interrupted me. Edward quickly excused himself, mumbling something about leaving. I missed him as soon as he left but I was fighting it. Missing him was just setting myself up for more hurt. I wasn't going to put myself through that when he didn't want to be with me.

An hour later Charlie brought me in some fresh clothes and my toothbrush. I guess Riley must have brought them up. It made me a little uncomfortable that he was going through all my stuff, but was still thankful that I could brush my teeth. My mouth tasted like vomit and pretzels.

I was discharged by dinnertime and back at home. Charlie forced me right up to bed and insisted that he wait on me hand and foot. He brought me up dinner. And he brought me up breakfast the next morning, and lunch, and dinner. He refused to let up for three whole days and by the time he would let me even walk to the bathroom by myself I was going insane.

"Dad, can you just…." I sighed as I opened the bathroom door to find him standing outside.

"Sorry honey I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. Do I have permission to go downstairs today?"

"I was actually coming to get you. There's something downstairs for you." He cleared his throat.

I shuffled towards the stairs, weak from lying around all the fucking time. I started down the stairs and was suddenly bombarded by the smell of flowers. The foyer was completely full of them. At least ten bouquets, all in vases on the table or on the floor.

I slowly walked down the stairs, holding tightly onto the railing as I descended. I reached the bottom and leaned over the first bouquet. There was a small card sticking out from the middle with the words "I'm sorry" written plainly in the middle. Nothing less, nothing more, not even a name. I moved through all the bouquets and they all said the same thing. _I'm sorry._

"Dad who sent these?" I pulled another card from a bouquet.

"I did," Edward said. I turned around as he stepped in from the living room holding another bouquet. "These are for you." He handed me the flowers.

"Thank you," I said softly.

"I'll put these in water." Charlie reached out for the flowers and took them into the kitchen.

"Um…would you…would you want to go for a walk with me?" Edward ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes, almost as if he was expecting rejection. Thankfully for him the part of me that was still in love with him couldn't say no.

"Sure," I whispered, peeking at my dad for approval.

"Go," he nodded. I didn't really expect him to let Edward in the house, let alone let me go out for a walk with him.

Edward walked to the door and held it open for me. I hesitantly stepped through and waited for him at the bottom of the stairs. He and Charlie were whispering quietly to each other and I strained to hear.

"I think she deserves to know Charlie…" Edward whispered.

"Fine," he shrugged and closed the door.

Edward sighed and stepped down to meet me, offering a smile. I started to walk down the driveway, thinking he wanted to walk down the non-existent quasi neighborhood I lived in.

"Actually I was thinking this way," he nodded towards the back of the house. Was he really taking me back to the meadow? Why would he do that? To torture me?

I nodded and followed him to our backyard. Edward glared at Riley's house as we passed and I didn't understand why, I mean besides the obvious.

We silently walked through the woods. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say, if anything. I tripped over a tree trunk and he caught me, setting me back up without a word.

We eventually reached the meadow and Edward slowed his walk until he was completely stopped. He just stood there with his hands in his pockets while I was going crazy inside.

"Edward if you have something to say just say it!" I sighed. "I'm sorry but all your silent cryptic shit is driving me nuts."

"Sorry," he smiled. "Do you want to sit down?" He didn't wait for my response as he lowered himself down onto the grass. I contemplated running back to the house and never looking back, but found myself suddenly on the ground beside him. I angled myself away from him just in case I needed to escape.

"Can you turn towards me please? This is important." He put his hands on my knees and turned my body towards him. I fidgeted anxiously and tried to avoid looking at him. "Up here." He grabbed my chin, tilting it up. And suddenly I was done fighting.

"Okay," I mumbled.

"I've been talking to Charlie about this….and he honestly wasn't sure if we should tell you because he didn't want to…scare you. But I think you deserve to know."

"Okay," I said, a little apprehensive.

"It's about the other night…when you…you know."

Did he tell Charlie about what happened between us? I held my breath as he waited.

"Bella Jake said that he found some…white powder in the room with you. Do you remember that?"

I thought back and vaguely remembered my moment. I shuddered and shook the thought away. "Yes," I said softly.

"Okay do you remember what happened next?"

"I think I destroyed Jessica's dad's table and then assaulted a pillow. Then nothing…" As soon as the words slipped out, a series of images flashed through my head. A dark shadow above me, someone pulling at my clothes…heavy weight on top of me. "Oh God…" A sob ripped out from my chest as I gasped for air. And then suddenly his arms were around me, warm and comforting. He pulled me onto his lap and I found myself clinging to him with no shame, no apprehension.

"It's okay," he whispered in my ear, running his hands up and down my back. "Bella he didn't…"

I tried to comprehend the words he was saying, but all I could feel was this intense fear throughout my whole body. I felt dirty. Unclean. Tainted. Like I needed to take a shower.

"Bella…" Edward said again. He pulled back from me and held my face in his hands. "He didn't." He forced my eyes to his as he repeated himself. "He didn't."

"He didn't?" I sniffled.

"No. They checked you out at the hospital."

I felt all the air rush out of my lungs as I collapsed forward, pressing my forehead into his. I knew this wasn't going to last, but it felt good while I had it. I told myself I wouldn't let it get like this again, but it was inevitable. We were an unstoppable force.

His hands ran down my neck and back up to my jaw as he leaned back and kissed my forehead. His lips grazed down my cheek, making a soft trail to my lips.

"Edward what are you doing?" I mumbled against his lips. "Stop!"

He pulled back immediately. "Why not?"

"I don't understand."

"Didn't you read my cards?"

"Well yeah. I accept your apology."

He sighed and looked up at the sky. "You didn't read the back."

"The back?"

"I didn't have time to put the last one in before you came downstairs." He lifted us up a little and reached into his back pocket, producing another card that looked just like the other ones. I turned it over and tried to understand the letters on the back. _Ich liebe dich_.

"What does this mean?"

"It means…I love you. In German."

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I reached in my own pocket and pulled out all the cards from earlier. _Je t'aime. Ti amo. Ya tyebya lyublyu. Ik hou van je. _

"Is that what all these mean?" I asked, fishing through the rest of them.

"Yes. I wanted to get the point across."

"But I…" I shook my head. "I didn't think you wanted me anymore?" A runaway tear slipped down my cheek. "You didn't love me…"

"I always loved you Bella. Always." He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to mine again. "I know we both fucked up. Big time. But I'm ready now. I want to tell you everything. I don't want to keep anything from you and this is the first thing I wanted to tell you." He looked up at me. "I've been an absolute mess without you. If you'll have me, I want to be with you. And I love you."

"You do?"

I threw my arms around him as he nodded and buried my face in his neck. I missed his smell. I missed the way he tasted. I missed hearing his voice. I missed everything.

I pulled back and ran my fingers over his lips. "Tell me. Tell me everything, I want to know…I want to know it all," I smiled.

"Okay but I think we better go back to the house first because we're about to get rained on." He glanced up at the sky and I noticed the dark clouds starting to creep over us.

I stood up and pulled him with me, never letting go of his hand. We tried to make it back to the house before it started, but got caught in the downpour about halfway back.

We finally made it back to the house, completely drenched from head to toe. I stepped inside and was met with an unusually quiet house.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"I asked Charlie if he'd give us a little privacy to work out some things."

"Since when are you and Charlie so friendly?"

"We're not. We just have an understanding I guess."

"What kind of understanding?"

"That I wasn't going anywhere."

We both changed into some dry clothes, I borrowed some of Charlie's for Edward. I grabbed a comb to brush out my hair and started back downstairs. Edward was starting a fire, pushing the embers around with a long poker.

I sat down on the couch and waited for him to join me. He grabbed a blanket and laid it over my body before sitting down beside me. He reached for my foot and started massaging it up and down.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"A lot better now. So what did you want to tell me?"

He smiled and watched me for a few moments, in no hurry to do anything.

"Um…Just before I start can you promise to just let me finish before you say anything? This is kind of a big thing for me. And some of it's going to be hard. Okay?"

I nodded.

"I wanted to…explain why I acted the way I did. It had nothing to do with you Bella. You did nothing wrong. And that's what made it so damn hard." He shook his head and kept rubbing my foot. "I know you knew about all my fear and shit, but you had no idea how intense it was. Like anything you thought it was, times that by a thousand." I felt my heart sink with each word. "I hate admitting it but it ruled my fucking life. And at the time it held more power over me than my love for you." He turned and reached for his cell phone. "And at first it was all these little things that put me on edge. And then it was just like…bam. This thing hit me so hard it completely paralyzed me and that's when everything spun out of control. I never wanted to break up with you that day, I was just having a hard time and I had no idea how to deal with it."

"What was it?" I whispered, unable to hold it in any longer.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Sorry." I shrugged.

"I drove out to La Push one night after we'd had a fight, talked to Jacob. He put everything in perspective for me. And then on the way home I got this." He held out his phone and I read the screen, my stomach sinking with each line.

"Who sent this?" I whispered.

"I don't know. Emmett has guys working on it. I guess it can take awhile."

I swallowed hard and nodded.

"So I went to Charlie's office to tell him about it and…I saw my commanding officer Bella. He was there at Charlie's office. And I had no plausible explanation for it. After all of Charlie's threats my head immediately went to the worst possible explanation."

"Was he blackmailing you?" I snapped. He shook his head. "Was he?"

"I think I just jumped to conclusions, but I literally…could not breathe. I collapsed outside your dad's office, I think I almost gave Rita a heart attack."

I gently pulled my foot away from him and scooted closer, placing my hand on his chest. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared." His eyes stared directly into mine, showing no signs of wavering or indecision. "I'm not scared anymore."

"Good. Because I need you."

"I need you too." He kissed my forehead.

I sighed and pulled myself towards him so I could lie down on his chest. I'd been without his touch for so long I just needed to be close to him. And after everything we'd just aired out I felt closer to him than I ever had before. Sure we still had shit to work out. He was still fucked up, and I knew I sure as shit was still fucked up. But he loved me. And that was worth everything.

**A/N: So many things happening! Edward is finally getting suspicious about Riley. I know a lot of you are. Just so you know we will eventually find out who snuck into the room with Bella, and Edward will eventually find out who sent the text message. Could they possibly be the same person? ; ) P.S. who thought Edward standing up to Charlie was hot as hell? Yes please! **

**Thoughts? Leave me one.**


	29. The Path Less Traveled

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took a little longer than I usually do. I had *two* interviews for internships this week and am happy to report I'll be interning at the Make a Wish Foundation! Thanks for all your well wishes. **

**The playlist for this chapter is on the blog. There is quite a bit of fluff in this chapter, I thought after the emotional roller coaster we've been through we all needed it, BUT it's not a filler. It serves a purpose. I rarely ever have filler chapters, they all have some kind of plot progression. Enjoy!**

**Bella**

They always say that if you love something you let it go. And if it happens to make its way back to you then it was always meant to be yours. Well I didn't willingly let him go, but by some miracle he made his way back to me in a fucked up way.

Charlie agreed to let Edward take me to school again and we spent practically every minute together that we could before he left at night. Charlie had finally accepted our relationship and we didn't want to push it, but there was a part of me that wished he could stay with me at night. It was when I missed him the most. Sometimes I faked being tired during the day just so we could take a nap next to each other. I loved the feeling of lying next to him while I slept.

Edward had dropped me off at my house after school so I could have dinner with my dad before he left for work that night. It was weird how my relationship with him had switched. He always made it home for dinner when he said he would. And even though he didn't like the idea of Edward and I together I think he finally saw our relationship for what it was. He understood how much we loved each other and even though he'd never admit it, I think a part of him was almost thankful that I'd found something like that. After what he went through with my mom I don't think he believed it existed. It existed for me and what father wouldn't want that for his daughter.

"Hey Dad!" I skipped into the house. He'd taken the liberty of ordering us a pizza for dinner. I noticed Riley was joining us, much to my disgust. Charlie had eased up but he sure as shit hadn't. I mean he followed the rules set forth by Charlie as far as curfew and Edward went, but by the permanent scowl attached to his face I knew he didn't like it.

"How was your day?" I smiled as I grabbed for some plates.

"It was alright. How was yours?" He cleared his throat and sat down at the table as I handed him a plate. Riley sat down next to him and took a plate.

"Fantastic."

"That's good to hear." He managed a genuine smiled and dug into the food. "Oh," he said, his mouth still full. "You got some stuff from some colleges today. Have you decided where you're going yet?"

My good mood instantly disappeared. I honestly hadn't given much thought to college but I knew all the deadlines were looming, if not already passed. I'm sure Charlie would have been nagging me about it if we didn't have other pressing matters at the time. I knew we couldn't afford anything big so I assumed I'd have to settle for a community college. I wanted to stay close anyway, I mean Edward was here why would I leave as soon as I got him back?

"So what are your plans for tonight?" Charlie asked.

"I'm hanging out with Edward." I smiled.

"Well I assumed that much, what are you guys doing?" He seemed slightly annoyed but still genuinely interested.

"I don't know we'll probably take a walk or something. He mentioned this old abandoned park that he found out by his parent's place." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Just be careful. With all the rain we've had lately I'm sure it's pretty muddy out there."

Riley glared at us as we spoke, but Charlie was completely oblivious until he spoke up.

"Uh Charlie I have a meeting to go to tonight, I'll be back around 9 if that's alright. I don't imagine Bella will be home before her curfew anyway." He glanced briefly my way and then went back to his pizza.

"Sure, sure."

I ate my pizza as fast as I could just so I could call Edward and tell him to come get me. Charlie and Riley looked at me like I was some kind of crazed person but as stupid as it sounds I just didn't want to miss any time with him. Now that I knew what it felt like to be without him I didn't want to waste the time I was given.

"I'm done. May I be excused?" I said, wiping my mouth.

"Well alright." Charlie nodded and took a sip of his milk. "Have fun."

"Okay I love you." I smiled and turned to Riley. "I don't love you, but have a good night anyway." I nodded and left to go upstairs and change my clothes. I pulled on some different jeans and wrapped a sweater around myself as I called him.

"I'm ready," I said as soon as he answered.

"That was quick. I barely got home."

"Well get your ass back here because I want to kiss you."

"In that case I will see you in a few."

I ran a brush through my hair and touched up my makeup as I waited. I didn't even realize how much time had passed until Charlie was yelling up to me.

"Bella he's here!"

I smiled and jogged out of my room and down the stairs. Edward sat in the kitchen with Charlie talking about the latest sports game with a piece of pizza dangling in his fingers. I was surprised at how breathtaking he was even when he kept his body hidden. It was wrapped perfectly in a dark blue sweater that made the light almost dance across his skin.

"Are you ready?" I asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah." Edward smiled and finished the rest of his pizza, thanking Charlie quickly before we left.

Edward opened the door for me and walked around to the driver's side.

"So what are we doing this evening love?"

"What about checking out that park you were talking about?"

"Well it's not really much of a park…just a few swings…" He shrugged.

"Sounds perfect."

He backed up and started down the driveway.

"Was that some college stuff I saw back there?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I said softly.

"Well what do you think?"

"I think I want to just enjoy my time with you and worry about college later. Please," I begged hoping he would drop the subject. Honestly college scared the shit out of me. I liked the way things were now; I didn't want them to change.

Thankfully he said nothing for the rest of the drive. He turned up the radio and casually reached over to grab my hand, placing them both in my lap. He'd glance my way every once in awhile and smile. I was scared to take my eyes off him because I thought this was all a dream. I was convinced that one of these days I was going to wake up and be alone again.

He pulled into his parent's driveway and drove right past the house towards the backyard. He parked the car and jumped out, nodding towards a small path in the woods.

He grabbed a blanket out of the backseat and I reached for his hand as soon as I was close to him.

"How'd you find this place?" I asked.

He turned around to face me and started leisurely walking backwards as we made our way down the trail.

"I was out for a run the other morning and decided to take the path less traveled," he laughed.

"Very brave of you Cullen."

"Yeah. Anyways I asked my mom about it and she said that there was this family who used to live in this little cabin in the woods back here. That's where the swings came from. And when they left no one ever did anything with the cabin or anything. The people who owned this land before us never built on it and its been there ever since."

"Wow. That's quite a story. Is the cabin still here?"

"I didn't see it, but probably."

I nodded and let him lead me through the woods. He asked me a little bit more about my day and told me that he went and spent some time with Jasper earlier. It was nice to see them getting so close. Honestly the only real friends Edward had were his family and me and I knew sometimes he just wanted some guy time.

He stepped off the path and pulled me with him, making sure to go slow enough so I didn't trip over the branches. I did of course but he didn't laugh or say anything. He just held me tight enough to him that I didn't fall flat on my face.

We eventually came to a clearing where a set of two swings sat alone just waiting for someone to come along and find them. I tentatively sat down in one of them, wondering if it was even strong enough after all this time. Who knew how long it'd been since someone actually sat in them. The chains creaked a little bit but they were stable as ever. I smiled and started slowly moving back and forth.

"Give me a push," I said.

He smiled and walked around behind me, laying his hands on my lower back and pushing me forward. After I had good momentum going he conceded and sat down in the swing beside me, watching me as I swung back and forth. I always loved the swings when I was little. I think it was when I felt most free, like no one could stop me once I was on here. Part of it was probably because no one was dumb enough to walk in front of a girl frantically kicking and pumping on a swing. I did it once and I never did it again. It's part of the reason my nose has a slight bump on it.

I turned my head sideways and caught his eyes as I slowed down. I dragged my feet every once in awhile across the dirt, causing the swing to twist and turn. He reached out with his legs and trapped mine between his as he grabbed the chains of my swing. I watched as his muscles flexed under his sweater, pulling my swing closer to his.

Ever since we'd gotten back together it was almost like my sense were heightened, completely in tune with his. Every touch was amplified by a thousand, every stare had infinite meanings and words behind it. Even that electrical current running through my veins right now was greater than before. I didn't think it was possible, but this time we had apart made me fall even more in love with him.

I smiled and managed to stand up and crawl over to him.

"What are you doing?" He smiled.

I lifted my legs up and put them on either side of his hips as I pulled myself onto his lap. I snuggled closer to his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. I felt his hands drifted towards my lower back and he pushed my hips into his. "Why don't you want to talk about college?" He whispered. He pulled back and furrowed his brow as he brushed my hair away from my face.

I think a part of me knew he wasn't going to drop it, but I still tensed up regardless.

"Does it scare you?" He asked.

I bit down on my lips and nodded.

"Why?"

"Because everything's just starting to get back to normal and it's all going to change again."

"Baby you can't avoid change. It's going to happen whether you're ready for it or not. You can't stay in high school forever and I refuse to let you sit around after you graduate and do nothing. You're better than that."

He was completely right. It wasn't that I didn't want to go to college, or experience new things.

"I just…I don't want to miss this." I rested my hand on his chest, right over his heart.

"Who says you're going to miss anything?"

"Well maybe if I stay close by…"

"If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?"

"Dartmouth," I said without thinking. It was the first thing that popped into my head when he asked me. "But I know we can't afford it."

"Bullshit. There's student loans, there's scholarships. Aren't your grades still good?"

"Well I had a little hiccup while….you know. But they're still decent."

"Then what the hell is stopping you?"

I smiled and ran my finger along his bottom lip. "You are." I licked my lips and dipped down to kiss him again.

"You have me…" he mumbled against my lips. His fingers ran through my hair and held my face to his. "I'd follow you anywhere…"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Go where you want to go Bella. I'll go with you. You're my life now, I don't have anything left for me here. I won't be enlisted anymore by the time you graduate so I'm free to leave."

"God I love you," I smiled. I leaned down and kissed his neck and up to his jaw, missing his taste. We hadn't really been….together since it happened so it was moments like these I valued the most. We were watched like a hawk most of the time so it was almost impossible.

"I want you," he breathed. I pulled back and looked in his eyes, instantly knowing what he meant.

"Are Carlisle and Esme home?"

He nodded and looked around. "Come on…" He stood us both up and placed me on my feet. He grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the woods.

"What are we doing?" I asked. A single raindrop fell in front of my face. Then another. And another. I noticed the small dots splatter across Edward's shirt as he stumbled along in front of me.

"We're going to find that damn cabin."

I've never really seen him like this. He tripped over roots and rocks just like we'd switched legs or something. We wandered around in the woods for a little bit. I laughed hysterically every time he almost fell and he chuckled under his breath, but tried to hold it in. I held tight onto his hand as he pulled me along. I suddenly saw him down in front of me and got jerked towards the ground. We rolled down a slight hill across the thoroughly soaked leaves. The rain was coming down so hard now that I could barely see through the mist.

"Are you hurt?" I asked as I landed on top of Edward.

"Just my pride," he winced.

I laughed and slapped his chest playfully. "That's what you get for being a pervy little horndog." I looked around and instantly smiled as soon as I saw it. "But apparently it worked."

"What?"

I nodded behind him and he craned his neck to see.

A small, humble cabin stood before us, like it was in its own little world. Completely untouched by everything around it. It was of course a little worn down, but it was adorable. I felt like maybe seven little dwarfs might come out and try to get me to clean their house or something.

"Let's go inside…" I smiled.

**Edward**

I stood up and brushed the mud off of my jeans as much as I could as Bella skipped towards the cabin.

"Be careful baby, it's probably not that stable." I jogged after her.

"Oh it better be for what I have planned…" She winked and I felt my knees go weak. She disappeared inside and I peaked my head around the corner. "Wow this is beautiful."

I adjusted the blanket under my arm and took another step inside. "Yeah it's pretty great." There was no furniture or anything inside but I could tell it would have been a beautiful home if it actually had some stuff in here. Just needed a little paint, maybe a few floorboards over the huge whole in the floor but other than that it was perfect.

"This will be the living room…." Bella spun around in the main room. "With a couch along the wall here." She pointed. "Chair here."

She smiled and brushed by me. "Kitchen in here. Guest room here."

"Where's the bedroom?" I arched an eyebrow and took a step.

"Through here." She disappeared through a door in the back.

"Bella?" I called, following her in.

"Right here."

I turned towards her voice and noticed she'd conveniently slipped out of her shirt.

"It was all wet," she shrugged.

"Sure it was." I smiled and took a step forward, trapping her between myself and the wall. I leaned down and pressed my forehead against hers, feeling the slick moisture of the rain. I inched my lips forward, lingering just before they brushed against hers.

"Why are you teasing me?" She breathed.

I smirked and grazed them ever so lightly across hers and down her skin. I continued down her jaw and across her collarbone as my fingers barely brushed down her stomach, dipping slightly under the hemline of her jeans.

I threw the blanket down on the floor and reached above my head to pull my shirt off. She smiled and reached for the buttons of her jeans, pulling them down and stepping out of them.

"I missed you so much," she said, grabbing hold of my belt loops and yanking me towards her.

I leaned down and started nibbling on her neck, needing to taste her skin. Her hands ran over the seam of my jeans and I felt myself involuntarily grinding my hips against hers and into her palm.

I grabbed hold of her skin between my teeth and unconsciously bit down when she moved her hips against mine. I pulled back when she gasped and stared wide eyed at the bite marks on her neck.

"I'm so sorry." I ran my fingers along the spot, hoping I could rub it away.

"It's okay." She leaned forward and took my bottom lip between her teeth, biting down hard. I felt the pain at first, so much so that I almost cried out. But a moment later it was gone, instantly filled with this insane pleasure knowing that she was marking me as hers. Just like I'd marked her. In a twisted fucked up kind of way it was the sexiest thing she'd ever done.

I growled as she pulled back and sucked on my bottom lip. "You taste good," she winked as she started unbuckling my jeans. She quickly slipped her hands inside the waist of my boxer-briefs.

I reached around the curve of her ass and grasped her legs, right below the crease. It fit perfectly into my hands, almost like it was shaped for me. I hiked her legs up around my waist and banged her back into the wall.

"Sorry," I said, wondering if I'd hurt her.

"Will you stop apologizing and just come inside?" She smirked.

Fuck. Me. I reached up and grabbed at the side of her panties, trying frantically to pull them down. I heard the rip and opened my mouth to apologize again but she pressed her finger against my lips and stopped me. She shook her head and slipped her finger inside my mouth.

She wrapped her legs tighter around me and shimmied her hips down over mine, taking my boxers down with her. I hissed as the cool air hit me, but Bella quickly lifted herself and lowered her hips onto me. A soft sigh escaped my lips as I felt her warmth all around me.

I slammed her against the wall again a few more times, no longer scared that I was hurting her. She actually liked it. I could tell by the look of pure ecstasy that took up residence across her face.

I pressed my lips roughly against hers, asking for permission. She parted them, allowing me access to her delicious tongue.

I whipped us around and gently knelt down, laying her gently on the blanket.

"I love the way you feel…" She whispered, her voice ragged. I could tell she was close to the edge, almost ready to give in.

"Not yet." I pulled back and spun her over onto her stomach. "Scoot up on your knees."

She did as I ordered and I pushed my hips back towards her. I reached around and laid my palm flat against her chest and traveled downward.

I felt myself start to come undone, my stomach coiled tightly up and I knew it would happen soon. My vision started to blur and I felt my muscles start to tense. Bella screamed and turned her head around. "Not yet." She blinked several times, then allowed her eyes to close. She crawled forward and turned around, pushing firmly on my chest. I fell backward onto the blanket and she crawled on top of me, straddling my hips. "Now I can see you," she said as she moved her hips against mine. I knew neither of us would last long. I could tell we were both to that point of hypersensitivity where any little movement could set us off. She bucked her hips against me one more time and I grasped onto my hair as I fell over the edge. She let out a barely audible whimper as a sweet smile spread across her face. I loved that I could do that to her.

"Bella?" I whispered.

"Just give me a second," she said, licking her lips.

I smiled and waited until her eyes fluttered open and she looked down at me. "Okay now you can talk."

"I love you."

"I love you too baby." She leaned down and gave me a sweet, short kiss before rolling over onto her back. "What time is it?"

I glanced outside and noticed the complete and utter darkness that surrounded us. I hoped we could make it back to the house.

"It's got to be getting late. We should get you home. I don't want to get you in trouble." I hopped up and pulled my pants and shirt as she got dressed. I took her hand and the blanket and started outside. It was still drizzling a little, but I started back towards the way I think we'd come. We eventually found the swings again and then the trail. Pretty soon we came up on the lights of the house and I ran inside to tell everyone I was taking Bella home. Emmett commented on my "sex hair" and Rosalie kindly let me know that my shirt was on inside out. I ducked out of there as I felt the blush rise to my cheeks before Carlisle and Esme could say anything.

Bella smiled the entire way back to her house. I kissed her goodnight and walked her to her door, giving her one more kiss before she disappeared inside. I turned to leave and noticed Riley was at the window watching us. He didn't even try to act like he wasn't watching. His eyes burned into mine and I refused to cower under his gaze. Keep staring fucker. I'm going to figure you out.

I finally turned around as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

"Emmett, what's up?"

"I just heard from my guys. They don't have an exact address for the number, but they traced it to Seattle."

"Well great that just narrows it down to an entire major city." I sighed. "Do they know how long until they get a name?"

"Not sure. You'll know as soon as I do."

"Okay thanks man."

I got in my car and started to drive home, but I passed my driveway and kept driving. I jumped on the 101 on my way to Seattle. I had no idea where I was going or who I was looking for. It was pointless. But I was just that much closer to whoever the fuck this was. I drove around Seattle the entire night just…looking, hoping something would come to me. Like the answer would just hit me right in the face. It never did.

**A/N: Uh oh the big bad college monster has reared it's head. But who else is getting anxious about Edward getting a step closer to the rat bastard who is making the threats? We're sooooo close to finding out. I showed you the love, so show me the love : )**


	30. Masquerade

**A/N: Congrats to my auction winner Kassiah! I can't wait to get started on it : )**

**If you haven't checked out the playlist or the pictease on the blog, you should. The pictease will make more sense after reading the chapter.**

**I would also like to wish gossip_bangkok a wonderful trip with lots of Rob sightings : )  
**

**Edward**

"Are you sure you can't come to the party tonight?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah man. Sorry. Bella goes to this thing at Aro's every year. I promised I'd go with her."

"Isn't it a masquerade ball?"

"Yep."

"So are you wearing tights?"

"No," I laughed. "It's just some pants a shirt and a jacket."

"Ruffles?"

"Maybe."

"Alright. Well have fun."

"Yeah you too. See ya." I hung up the phone and glanced over at my outfit. It definitely wasn't the definition of masculine but it wasn't terrible. And I knew she'd love it. I reached out and ran my finger along the dark blue fabric, lingering over the gold embroidery. Thank God the costume rental store in Seattle had something last minute. I'd gotten the invitation from Aro while Bella and I were on our break and I obviously hadn't planned on going. I glanced over at the small piece of paper on my nightstand. _You have been cordially invited to a Halloween Masquerade hosted by Aro Volturi at 4500 Lakeview Terrace. Please R.S.V.P as soon as possible. We look forward to seeing you. _Blah, blah, blah.

My phone rang just as I stood up to start finagling my way into the contraption of a fucking costume.

"Hey," I smiled as I answered.

"Hello," Bella said softly. "So Aro called and he needed some help setting up and everything, so I was thinking about heading over early. Is it alright if you just ride with my dad?"

"Yeah sure that shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay good. I'll see you at 7 then?"

"Yep. Love you."

"I love you too."

I hung up the phone and started to get dressed. I kinked my eyebrow as I pulled the pants on. They went almost half way up my stomach and I kind of felt like a douchetool. I turned sideways and looked myself over. If my ass wasn't flat enough before, these pants sure made it that way.

"What the…" Emmett said from behind me. I spun around and saw him standing in my doorway looking over my attire.

"It's for Bella."

"So is this a fetish thing or…"

"It's just a Halloween costume. It's a masquerade ball, not a typical dress like a slut Halloween party." I struggled to button the cuffs of my shirt. "It's sophisticated, not something you would know anything about." I smirked at him and reached for my jacket.

"Fuck you, your shirt has ruffles!" He stalked off as I gave myself one more look in the mirror.

"Not too shabby…" I said, pulling at my jacket collar, popping it up a little.

"Honey how's it coming?" Esme knocked and walked inside. "Oh wow. You look very handsome." She smiled and spun me around in the mirror. "Is Bella going to stop over so I can see?"

"She's actually already on her way up there. I'm…riding with Charlie."

"Be nice." Her eyes narrowed.

"I'm always nice. Besides Charlie and I have been getting along pretty well lately. We have an understanding."

"Well good. I'm happy to hear that. Would I be completely annoying if I took a picture?" She smiled and held up a camera.

"I guess not." I shrugged. I smiled and did my best pose while she snapped a few pictures.

"Okay you should get going. You don't want to make Charlie wait. Have fun." She winked and left the room. I sprayed on some cologne and ran my fingers through my hair a bit before I took off. Carlisle gave me a weird look as I was walking out, but I ignored him. Like he's never done anything weird for the girl he loves.

I stopped at the store and picked up a rose for Bella before driving over to Charlie's. He grumbled as he opened the door, wearing something similar to mine. I was really fucking surprised he even agreed to go to this. I had a feeling if it wasn't Aro's party he'd tell whoever it was to stick the invitation up their ass.

"Let's go get this over with…" He mumbled. He shuffled to his car and I held back my laughter, not wanting to piss him off right off the bat.

The car ride there wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. We talked about the weather and last night's game. I faked that conversation because I honestly wasn't paying attention. I was a little too distracted by Bella's feet lying across my lap. She had been so bold doing it with Charlie there and it was completely intoxicating. I spent the rest of the game tracing my finger along the bottom of her little bare foot, teasing her to the point where she had to hold in her laughter. I kept my eyes straight ahead, not even seeing the game, and smirked just knowing what I was doing to her.

"Well, here it is. Welcome to Hell." Charlie pulled into a large gated lot. An attendant directed us towards the house, which wasn't really necessary. It was fucking huge. The biggest house I've ever seen. The astronauts could probably see it from outer space.

The valet took our car and we walked up to the front door where we were thoroughly checked over by a security guard before we walked through a metal detector. As soon as I stepped through the door it was like I went back two hundred years. I can see why it would be a little overwhelming.

"Whoa…" I whispered, taking it all in.

"Yep." Charlie spotted Aro across the room and we made our way over.

"Charlie," Aro extended his hand to him before turning my way. "Edward," he smiled. "We weren't sure if we'd be seeing you this evening. I'm glad you could come."

"Yeah. Thanks for inviting me. This is amazing."

"Oh it's nothing." He shook it off.

"Have you seen Bella?"

He scanned across the crowd. "She was just here. Oh there. Across the room." He pointed across the mass of people. I spun around and looked for her, but I couldn't see around everyone.

"Excuse me." I smiled and started to make my way through the crowd. I caught a brief glimpse of someone that looked like her. Whoever it was has a mask over their face and long brown hair curled to perfection, falling down to the middle of her back. I smiled as I recognized the smile peaking out from underneath the mask and started towards her.

"Bella!" I yelled, trying to project over the music. She was with a small group of people but quickly darted away and back into the crowd. She must not have heard me. I tried to follow her, but was always a step behind. I caught a peek of her hair flowing behind her or a splash of the color of her dress, but I was never close enough.

I finally gave up and stepped out of the crowd. I leaned against a pillar and decided to wait until she finally saw me. I took the time to finally look around at all the decorations. There was a large chandelier over the dancefloor with smaller ones spread around the room. Almost everything was trimmed in gold with accents of maroon and dark blue everywhere. Heavy curtains were draped all around the sides of the dancefloor, especially around the white pillars like the one I'd taken up residence at. I reached over and grabbed the tapestry, running it through my fingers and watching as the gold fringe swayed loosely.

"Excuse me good sir." I smiled when I heard her smooth voice. She brushed up against my back and leaned in close.

"Miss?" I slowly turned around to face her and held out the rose, but I completely lost my breath. "Wow."

The dark pink color of her dress made her skin absolutely glow. Most of her face was hidden behind a gold-trimmed mask, but I could already tell she was breathtaking. I licked my lips as my eyes traveled down to the rest of her dress, really taking in the detail. The sleeves fell loosely off her shoulders and hung next to the tight corset top. It eventually flowed down into a floorsweeping skirt imprinted with golden flowers, almost so light that you could only see them when the light reflected off of them. I've never seen anyone look so beautiful.

She curtsied and bowed her head slightly as she extended her hand to me. I took a step back and bowed down, taking her fingers and bringing them up to my lips. She smiled and peeked up at me from underneath her eyelashes.

"Would you like to escort a lady to the dance floor?"

"I have to do something first." I smiled and pulled her closer.

"How dare you? Such indecency," she teased.

I smirked and leaned forward, glancing down at her lips. "I'm very indecent." I gently pushed her mask away as I pressed my lips to hers. I heard the soft thud of the mask hitting the floor as she brought her fingers up to trace my jaw. I pulled back and too a quick look around before pushing her back around the corner, away from sight.

"This is a beautiful dress," I mumbled against her lips.

"Thank you," she smiled. "Don't forget the shoes." She pulled away and lifted her dress slightly as she stuck her shoe out. I don't know what it was but there was nothing sexier than a woman in heels. I knelt down and took her foot in my hand, resting my other hand behind her calf. I placed a soft kiss at her knee and glanced up, catching a quick peek at what looked like a garter belt up on her thigh.

I grinned and allowed my finger to trace up her leg and hook around the small piece of fabric.

"Scandalous Miss Swan." I kept my hand where it was and stood up. I didn't seem to care that there were a hundred people on the other side of the wall and that I had Bella's dress lifted halfway up her body.

She leaned forward, lingering an inch from my face. "I've been waiting for you to get here," she whispered.

"Could have fooled me, it was like trying to catch the fucking white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland."

"There's nothing wrong with a little chase…" She winked.

"You knew?" I arched an eyebrow. "You did it on purpose."

She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled me close, brushing her lips against mine. I diverted my attention from her mouth and started down her jaw and her bare shoulder. A small cluster of black caught my eye just over her shoulder. I brought my fingers up and brushed along the ink.

"How did I miss this the other day?" I couldn't quite see what it was yet, but it was definitely a tattoo.

"I think you were otherwise engaged." She bit down on her lip.

"I can't imagine Charlie was too happy about this."

"Nope."

"Well what is it, let me see." I tried to crane my neck around to see it, but she plastered herself against the wall. "Why won't you let me see it?"

"I'm just nervous."

"Why?"

She sighed and spun around. I blinked several times, taking in the set of numbers on her shoulder. They were plainly written in black ink, nothing fancy. Just numbers. But to me they meant everything.

"How did you know my unit number?"

"Remember that day you caught me reading your diary…"

I nodded and realized it would have been in there.

"Are you mad?" Her eyes were full of apprehension, almost brimming with tears.

"No baby I'm not mad. I mean you didn't have to go out and brand yourself, but it means a lot to me."

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yeah really." I bent down and kissed her again. I felt her smile against me as she wrapped her arms around my neck, entangling her fingers through my hair. I pressed her up against the wall and ran my finger down the middle of her chest, dipping in between the perfect hills created by the corset she was wearing.

She moaned a little into my mouth and pushed her hips forward into mine. Someone cleared their throat beside us and I was sure that Charlie had caught us. In all fairness we weren't flaunting it in front of him so he technically couldn't be mad at us. I mean I did practically have my hand down his daughter's shirt, but…details. I sighed and turned my head sideways, surprised to see James standing there sipping a drink.

"Can I help you?" I said, stepping between him and Bella, completely blocking his view of her.

He stared at me for a long moment before shaking his head and stalking off, muttering something under his breath.

"Does he really have to be here?" I sighed.

"He's Aro's family Edward. I know you don't like him, but don't let him get to you. Come dance with me." She smiled and grabbed my hand, leading me out to the dance floor. We weaved through the crowds of people and found a spot. I spun her around and pulled her close, wrapping my arm around her waist. It reminded me of the last time we'd danced like this and how it was so different now. We were fighting to hold back what we were feeling last time and now its out in the open. It was so calming. Almost like free falling, in a really good way.

I felt the whole world disappear around us, just like it always did. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against hers as we spun around slowly on the dance floor, not even in tempo with the music.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" I asked, closing my eyes and focusing on the feeling of her being so close.

"Enlighten me…" She whispered.

"I love you more than Romeo loved Juliet, more than Mr. Darcy loved Elizabeth, more than Heathcliff loved Cathy, and definitely more than Ross loved Rachel."

"Well in that case I guess I'll keep you around," she smiled and pressed her lips softly to mine.

We danced a little while longer and by the time we were done Charlie was already complaining about wanting to leave. I didn't really mind as long as Bella was with me. We said our goodbyes to Aro and waited for the valet to get our car. I got into the backseat, allowing Bella to sit in the front, but she quickly crawled right in back with me like it was no big deal.

"What are you doing?" Charlie asked.

"I want to sit with Edward." She smiled and took my hand.

"Fine," Charlie sighed. "I guess I'll be your chauffer."

Bella rested her head on my shoulder the entire way home as my thumb traced circles in her palm. I could feel the heat from the friction and almost pulled away, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but she actually starting pushing her palm into my thumb. Something about it was so loving, so completely sensual that the only thing preventing me from taking her in the backseat was Charlie. I felt like that might be crossing his "flaunting" rule.

Charlie got a call about halfway home letting him know that they had a bad accident along the highway and that he might want to go check it out. He quickly agreed and I got a little hopeful that I could sneak over later. And then I remembered that douchebag that was still taking up residence in my house.

Charlie pulled into my driveway and dropped me off. I told Bella I'd call her later and went inside to take a shower. I took a little longer than usual, thinking over everything that happened. I sprawled out on my bed, my hair still damp and a towel around my neck. I happened to glance at my phone and noticed I had five missed calls from a number I didn't recognize. As I was scrolling through they called again.

"Hello?"

"Is this Edward?" The man said. I didn't recognize the voice.

"Yes. Who's this?"

"I'm a friend of Emmett's. I was working on that phone trace you had wanted."

"Oh right."

"I tried calling Emmett, but when he answered all I could hear was 'Show me your tits' so I didn't really trust him to give this information to you."

"Do you have something?"

"Well we've got as much as we're going to get. That number is heavily protected Edward. We weren't able to get a name, but we have an address."

I scrambled to get a pen and a piece of paper. "Okay go ahead."

"Okay we've got 4-5-0-0- Lakeview Terrace…Do you need me to repeat that?"

I had stopped writing halfway through because the pen fell out of my hands and landed like a boulder on my floor. That was Aro's address. And my gut was telling me if Aro was involved then so was James. Maybe even Riley. I hung up without saying a word and quickly dialed Bella's number.

She answered quickly and told me to hang on for a minute.

"Bella," I said quickly, trying to catch her attention. I could hear her breathing on the line. "Bella. Bella."

She rambled away about something, but I wasn't paying attention.

"Bella will you just listen to me!"

"Why the hell is James here?" She muttered.

"What?"

"James is here."

**Bella**

I know it was some stupid girly thing, but I'd been looking forward to this party for a long time. I was going to dress up like a Princess and this time I was actually going to have my very own Prince.

I got a phone call from Aro, asking if I'd be willing to come over early. He said that the decorations needed a woman's touch and I told him I probably wasn't the right woman for the job but he insisted. I called Edward to make sure he was okay with riding over with my dad and he agreed. I couldn't believe how much their relationship had transformed. I mean I definitely wouldn't call them friends or anything but they were at least pleasant with each other, which was a far cry from before.

Aro even called for a car to pick me up. I'm sure it cost him a fortune and when he saw the extent of my decorating expertise he'd probably demand the fare back from me.

I carefully packed all my supplies, including my dress that could probably take up the entire backseat if I let it. I'd had this dress picked out since last year and thankfully the costume shop agreed to hold it for me for tonight. I fell in love with it the instant I saw it and there was no way I was letting anyone else have it.

I texted Alice the most of the way there as the driver blasted Billy Joel's greatest hits album. He didn't say a word to me the whole time.

_What are you wearing to the party tonight? _I typed.

_We're going for a Little Red Riding Hood and the wolf look._

I smiled and typed her back. _Make sure to take pictures. Have fun._

I got anxious as the driver pulled into Aro's driveway. It was full of vans and other vendors bringing stuff in for the party. I tried to remember Alice's advice for when I was in a decorating jam. Just tell them it needed more "oomph."

I stepped inside, hauling all my supplies. Their butler quickly recognized me and rushed over to help. He took my dress and bag and carried it upstairs to one of the extra guest rooms.

"Bella!" Aro appeared in the archway and gave me a quick hug. He took my arm and led me towards the grand ballroom where a flurry of people were buzzing around. "What do you think?" He gestured to the room. I thought it looked amazing. I've never seen so much gold in my life. It looked just like I'd imagined it in my fairytales, and even better than last year. But I couldn't just say nothing.

"Uh…it looks good. Maybe just needs a little more…oomph." I gestured grandly with my hands.

"Exactly!" He smiled. "That is exactly what it needs!" He clapped his hands and started directing more of the people. I helped arrange some flower bouquets and set up some tables before I went upstairs to start getting ready. I found all my things in the room I usually stayed in and took a quick shower.

Rosalie let me borrow her hot rollers to curl my hair so I set them in like she said and started getting dressed. I had no idea how I was going to do this corset by myself, but I guess I'd have to give it a try. I put the dress on, feeling the weight of it against my body and wrapped the corset around my middle.

I reached around the back and attempted to tie it, but my fingers were uselessly fumbling around with no luck. It took my twenty minutes to just tie an ugly knot in the strings just to get it to stay up.

"Do you need some help with that?"

I jumped at the sound of his voice and spun around. "How did you get in here?"

"The door," James nodded towards the door.

"I don't….I don't think you should be in here." I shook my head and diverted my eyes to the floor.

"Well you obviously need some help." He took a few steps forward and motioned for me to spin around.

I clenched my teeth tight as I felt his fingers roam quickly down my back, tying up the laces. I felt dirty, like he was tainting me with just one touch.

"There," he said. His fingers didn't move from my back so I spun around and backed up.

"Thank you. You can go now."

He smiled but didn't move. "Do you have a date tonight?"

"Yes. Edward is on his way here." I smoothed my dress out and crossed my arms, waiting for him to leave.

"Edward…" He laughed. "When you're done with him make sure you come see me…" He nodded and left.

"Creep," I muttered to myself. As soon as he left I ran over and locked my door, not wanting anymore unexpected visits from him. He made me nervous for some reason besides the fact that he was just a jerk.

I finished getting ready, doing my makeup and pulling the curlers out of my hair, as I waited for Edward to get here. They should be here soon. I could already hear the music and people talking loudly downstairs.

I hurried downstairs and started mingling with a lot of my dad's friends. I eventually spotted Edward and almost felt my knees get weak. He was my prince. Absolutely perfect.

My eyes fluttered as I watched him look around the room. I knew he was looking for me. He looked so uncomfortable standing there with Charlie and Aro. I stared at him until I knew he spotted me. He smiled and started across the room, but as soon as he got close I flitted away, smiling to myself as I went. This was going to drive him crazy. I played with him a few more times before he finally gave up and started sulking in the corner. I snuck up behind him and pressed myself up against him.

When he turned around I felt like my heart stopped beating. Now I know Cinderella's prince was dreamy and romantic, but that bitch would be jealous of me right now.

He pulled me behind the curtain and pushed me up against the wall. I almost told him to meet me up in my room, but I wanted to enjoy the party. And plus it'd taken so much for me to get ready I didn't want to mess it up quite yet.

Edward escorted me to the dance floor after we were so rudely interrupted by that asshole James and spun me around like a pro. I felt like I was really royalty, dancing with the love of my life in this beautiful dress. It was all a girl could ask for. And it was definitely something I needed right now. We'd been through so much lately I needed a little bit of happily ever after to keep me going. If this was as good as it got for the rest of my life, I'd be happy.

We finally left after Charlie started complaining. I sat in back with Edward, resting my head on his shoulder and whispering in his ear. Charlie seemed a little annoyed, but not enough to say anything. We dropped Edward off and drove home. Riley was up at the house grabbing some food, but he quickly disappeared as soon as Charlie emerged in his uniform.

"Thank God I don't have to wear that thing anymore," he gestured back upstairs to his room, where I'm sure his costume was a mangled mess on the floor. "I won't be back for awhile. Be good." He kissed me on my forehead and left.

I sauntered upstairs and changed into some sweatpants before heading into Charlie's room. I picked up his costume off the floor and hung it back up in his closet.

I threw my hair up in a ponytail and grabbed my phone off my nightstand, anxiously awaiting Edward's call. I sat by my window and looked out over the yard, still buzzing from the perfection of the night. I opened my window to let the cool night air in and heard some shouting coming from Riley's house. I leaned outside and looked down. Riley's car sat in the driveway right next to one I didn't recognize. Who the hell was here?

I bit down on my lips, contemplating whether I should spy or not. I knew it was wrong, but this was my house too. And by the sounds of it, whoever it was wasn't too happy. I crept back across my room and downstairs, taking the back way out of the house through the work out room. My phone rang as I snuck closer to his house and I knew it was Edward.

"Hang on," I whispered and took the phone down from my ear. I scooted closer and inched my face towards the window. I brought my phone back up to my ear and started telling Edward about how I was being stealth when I finally saw his face. James.

"Why the hell is James here?" I whispered.

"What?" Edward said.

"James is here."

He started talking again but I was focused on what was going on inside. Thankfully Riley's window was open and I was close enough now that I could hear.

"Aro isn't happy with your progress," James snapped.

"What the fuck do you want me to do?" Riley's face was red and flushed, almost like they'd been at this for a while.

"You had a simple job. Get Edward out of her life and then get her out of the house. It would have been too suspicious for her to get taken from her own house. They would have linked it back to you and then back to Aro."

"Listen to me you little shit, I did everything your uncle asked me to do. That girl is uncontrollable and I did what I could."

My brow furrowed in confusion as I tried to understand what they were saying. James sighed and reached for his phone.

"Aro….She's here. Yeah Charlie left about a half hour ago. Tonight?" He glanced up towards my window and I ducked down so he wouldn't see me. "Yeah. Where do you want me to take her?" I felt my heart start to accelerate. It was him. They were the ones sending the messages and they were probably the ones who cut Charlie's brakes. This was all a set up. A trap. They were going to take me. It was all a lie, a mask. Aro didn't care about me or Charlie. It was the greatest role anyone had ever played and he played it so well.

"I get to…have her right?" James asked nervously. I cringed at his words and felt the warm tears start to fall down my face. I quickly brought my phone back up to my ear and tried to whisper to Edward.

"Edward," I cried. "He….he's…" I tried to get out the words but I couldn't breathe.

"Bella listen to me. I want you to go back inside and go into Charlie's room, not yours okay? Hide in the closet and do not come out until I get there. Do understand?" I could already hear his engine revving in the background. He was coming to save me. "Bella do you understand me?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Okay go."

I hung up the phone and crept back inside, going directly to Charlie's room and hiding in the closet just like Edward said. It was completely pitch dark and I pulled my knees to my chest, trying to calm myself down. I always yelled at the chick in movies that was crying hysterically while trying to hide. It didn't help her situation and I knew it wouldn't help mine. I didn't dare to try and call Charlie, I knew even if I got through to him he wouldn't get here in time.

A few minutes later the front door slammed and I held my breath, knowing that there was no way Edward could have gotten here that fast. I clenched my eyes tight and told myself to breathe.

"Bella…" James called. I could almost hear the smile on his face. "Come out come out wherever you are…"

**A/N: Uhh...the shit hath hittith the fan..ith. **


	31. Surviving

**Bella**

I hovered in the corner, holding my breath as I listened to him stomping up the stairs.

"Bella. We can do this the easy way or the hard way…and trust me you don't want to do it the hard way…" I heard the door to my room open next door and pressed my ear up to the wall. He must have been going through my stuff. I jumped as something crashed against the wall and closed my eyes. Edward was coming. He was on his way. He would get here in time. He had to.

"Did you find her?" Riley called from downstairs.

"No not yet. I don't think she's in her room. She didn't sneak out again did she?"

"No I shut down the gate system after Cullen left. It won't open even if you put the code in."

"Check Charlie's room. I'm going back downstairs to look around. She's got to be here somewhere. Maybe she went back out into the woods." My eyes darted to the small sliver of light between the closet doors when Riley stepped inside Charlie's room. James started back down the stairs and slammed the front door as he went outside.

Riley's steps were slow and deliberate, almost like he thought he could sneak up on me. I snuck a little closer to the doors and watched him cross the room. He peaked inside Charlie's bathroom, checking in the shower and behind the door. He even ventured to look under the bed, but there was no way I could even fit under there.

He finally turned ever so slowly and stared at the closet. I cowered back, not knowing if he could see me. I didn't know if it would make a difference. He would probably look in here anyway.

He inched towards the closet and reached his hand out for the handle. I whipped my head around, trying to search the darkness for something, anything to use a weapon. There was nothing. All Charlie had in here was a pair of loafers and an old dingy sweatshirt.

"There you are…" He whispered as he pulled open the door. I pushed myself as far back in the closet as I could and threw anything I could get my hands on at him, but it was useless. He reached inside and grabbed me by my hair, dragging me out onto the carpet.

"Let me go!" I screamed, feeling the intense burning of the carpet against my skin.

"Can't do that. Sorry." He turned towards the door. "James she's in here!" He glanced out the window and realized he was too far away.

"Please!" I cried.

He sighed and bent down, latching onto my arms and pulling me up. "You've caused me a hell of a lot of trouble you little bitch." He started to pull me towards the door but I fought back, digging my heels into the floor and pulling myself back. I fought through the pain, the tearing in my arms was almost unbearable, but there was no way I was letting him take me.

He suddenly let go of me and I fell back, rolling onto the carpet and crashing into the wall. I blinked a few times, trying to shake off the sharp pain radiating through my head. He shook his head and stalked towards me again.

"Look what you did…" He said, reaching for me again.

"No!" My voice was hoarse from yelling and crying, but it didn't matter. There was no one around to hear me. Edward was going to be too late.

As Riley bent down to grab me again I instinctively kicked at him, connecting perfectly with his stomach. He cowered back, clutching at his ribs trying to breathe. I took my chance, stood up and stumbled towards the door. My feet barely touched the stairs as I ran down them. I thought maybe if I could just get outside. If I could get into the woods. Sure James was probably out there looking for me, but I knew those woods better than him. I grabbed onto the railing and rounded the bottom of the stairs, planning to run straight downstairs and out the back. I ran into something solid as soon as I turned.

"There you are beautiful," James smirked. I tried to back up but he grabbed my arm. I glanced down and stopped fighting instantly when I saw the handgun dangling in his fingers. He slowly backed me up to the wall, trapping me.

"Damn it!" Riley coughed as he started down the stairs. "She fucking knocked the wind out of me."

James smiled and me and quickly turned around, firing a single shot. Riley slumped forward as a ripple of red radiated from the wound, spreading slowly across his gray shirt. He grabbed onto the railing and collapsed onto the stairs, tumbling the rest of the way down and landing with a thud in front of the door.

"He was getting on my nerves…" James whispered. "Are you ready to go love?"

"No." I pushed as his chest, but he didn't move.

"Aren't you anxious to finish what we started at the party?" He leaned closer and nuzzled his nose down my jaw line.

"What?"

"We would have been….so perfect together Bella. But when you passed out on me, I just couldn't do it. I wanted to you remember…everything about our first time together." He smiled and placed a kiss on my cheek.

I felt my insides twist and constrict in ways I never thought possible. He was the one from the party that almost… I resisted the urge to throw up and pushed him again.

"It's okay I like it rough." He shoved me against the wall and pressed his body up against mine. His eyes drifted down my body as he grabbed the shoulder of my shirt and ripped it down, exposing half of my chest, right down to my bra. My body started trembling as he brought his lips closer to my skin.

"I'm supposed to wait," he mumbled against my skin. "But I just…" His breath this through his teeth.

I refused to let this happen to me. He could kill me, but he wasn't…going to do this.

I mustered up all the strength I had and thrust my knee up into his groin. As soon as I felt his weight off me I ran in the first direction I could, almost tripping over the living room table. I rounded the corner and kept running through the darkened house. I hoped I could get to the kitchen and at least have a knife to defend myself while I try to get away. I know a knife is nothing compared to a gun, but I'd be satisfied if I could at least get a few good slices in.

"That was…very, very careless of you Bella." James gasped. I heard the floor creak as he started walking around the house. And then there was silence. Complete and eerie silence.

I grasped the knife so tightly in my hands that my knuckles screamed in pain, but I didn't waiver. My eyes darted back and forth, trying to adjust to the dark. I didn't see any movement anywhere.

I started to take a step forward but was abruptly pulled back by a hand over my mouth. I tried to scream in protest when an arm wrapped around my waist.

"Bella it's me," Edward whispered. "It's okay I'm here."

I instantly relaxed against him and tried to hold in my tears. He slowly released his hand from my mouth and spun me around.

"Are you okay?" He said softly, squinting through the dark to try and see me.

"No…I'm…I'm not okay…" I stuttered through my tears that had spilled over. "I'm not okay."

"Give me the knife." His eyes shifted anxiously to the knife in my hand, which was still rigid in the defensive position. "Baby give me the knife," he said again. He slowly reached for it and as soon as he touched my skin I released it.

"He's still in the house," I cried softly.

"Okay." He peeked around the corner. "I called Charlie on the way and he's sending backup. We're going to run for my car okay?"

I shook my head adamantly. "He's got a gun."

The fear briefly flashed in his eyes before he tucked it away. I knew I wouldn't see it again.

"I want you to stay behind me," he grabbed hold of my face and forced my eyes to his. "Do not let go of my hand. If…if something happens I just want you to run okay?" He leaned closer. "Bella promise me."

"I promise," I whispered, lying completely.

He softly pressed his lips to mine and wiped away my tears. "I love you."

"I love you."

He took my hand and peeked around the corner again. "Ready?"

I nodded.

"Okay, go!" We took off through the house, darting frantically for the door. I had no idea how he got inside or where his car was but I knew it wasn't going to be waiting for us right outside. Riley deactivated the gate. He wouldn't have been able to get through.

I was utterly terrified running through the house, thinking that James was going to pop out at any moment, but he didn't. I almost smiled as we reached the front door.

Edward flung it open and we started outside and down the driveway. I could see the headlights of his car down on the other side of the gate.

I'd never run so fast, but I knew I was running for my life. I was running for his life. I was running for us. I ignored the intense burn in my legs as we continued down the driveway.

And then everything happened very slowly. I felt my feet collide and tangle up a moment before I started plunging towards the ground. My hand snapped out of Edward's as I tumbled on the driveway. He was instantly back by my side trying to pull me up.

A shot rang out behind us and he instantly crouched down, hovering over me. "Stay down," he said.

I turned my head back towards the house and could vaguely make out James' figure walking down the driveway. My heart literally sank into my stomach, realizing we were so close to freedom. So incredibly close and I fucked it up. We were both going to die because of me.

"I wondered when you were going to show up Edward…" James came closer and started circling around us, itching his head with the gun. "I planned for us to be gone by then, but…Bella here is a little feisty." He leaned forward. "You know how she is."

Edward glanced at his car and cursed under his breath, knowing it was too far away.

"Why are you doing this?" I screamed.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask that sweetheart…" James continued circling around us. "Did Aro ever tell you why I got sent here?" He didn't wait for an answer. "You see there was this girl…back where I used to live. And she…was beautiful, just like you Bella. And I _wanted_ her. So bad. So I started following her around, giving her flowers, calling her." He laughed darkly. "They all said I was obsessed, but isn't that what love is? An obsession. An…intense yearning to feel someone. And that's what I feel for you Bella. And I'm not going to let you get away like she did."

"Is that what you call it? Getting away?" Edward snapped. I had no idea why he was provoking him, but it scared me.

"She said I was…stalking her. Which was complete bullshit by the way. The restraining order made it a little difficult to stay in school so…here I am." He opened his arms wide and smiled.

"And Aro? What's his role in all this?" Edward asked.

My head snapped up to his. Aro?

"See this is the beautiful part here." James bent down to our level. "Aro's been after Charlie's job for…years. It's been driving him mad the entire time, knowing that he belonged in that office. And after all this time he finally realized what Charlie's greatest weakness was. He knew Charlie would do anything for her. Drop…everything to find her. He'd need someone to take over his responsibilities."

I felt both of their eyes on me.

"And Aro saw an opportunity to exploit that. And thankfully that opportunity landed right in my lap. Or she will tonight anyway." James winked and stepped back.

I felt Edward tense against me as he leaned down to my ear. "I will not let that happen to you. My keys are in my car. I want you to take it and drive as fast as you can." He pulled back and hesitated. "I love you."

Before I could even blink he was up on his feet, charging towards James. I stood up and started towards his car but I couldn't get more than a few steps. I couldn't leave him.

By the time I turned back around Edward and James were wrestling on the ground. I couldn't see the gun, but it wasn't in James' hand anymore. I guess I could be thankful for that.

I watched in horror as James hovered over Edward, placing his hands forcefully on his throat. Edward kicked and punched, trying to stop him but he couldn't. I had to do it.

I launched myself at James, knocking him square in the shoulders and sending us both to the ground. I heard Edward choke behind me so I knew he was okay. Maybe it was just enough time for him to run. He could still get out. I knew he wouldn't, but I wished with all my heart that he would. I didn't see a way out of this. It was either James or us. One of us was going to die.

The elbow to my cheek sent me onto my back as I cried out in pain. James stumbled up and towards the darkness.

"Bella…." Edward rushed over to me and tried to pick me up.

"Stop. Right. There." James said. I peeked around Edward and felt all hope rush out of my body. He emerged from the darkness pointing the gun directly at us. "You know Cullen I was going to hurt you. That wasn't part of the plan. But you just keep getting in the fucking way!"

Edward put his entire body in front of me, shielding me fully. He knew this was it. He leaned down and kissed my hair as James staggered closer.

"Why didn't you listen to me?" He said through his tears. "Why?"

"Because I love you." I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and buried my head into his chest. He would fight to the death to protect me, just like I would for him.

He glanced behind us and quickly turned back to me. "Close your eyes," he whispered, tensing up just before the shot rang out.

**Edward**

I expected to feel the pain. I expected to float away on a cloud, knowing that I fought to protect her. I expected to die the only way I'd want to, in her arms. But it wasn't anything like I expected.

I opened my eyes and realized I was still in the driveway and Bella was still crying in my arms. I chanced a look behind us and saw James lying in a pool of blood.

"Edward are you guys alright?" Charlie yelled from behind my car. I looked down the road and saw the line of police cars coming towards us, lights flashing. "Edward?"

"Yeah! Yeah we're okay." I looked down at Bella and kissed her forehead. Her eyes were straight ahead, wide in panic. "Bella?" I tried to tilt her chin up but she was locked in her position.

I stood up halfway and scooped her up into my arms. She instantly wrapped her legs around my waist as we walked towards the gate. It was open just enough for me to get through, but I don't think I could fit both of us.

"Charlie can you take her?" I walked up to the opening at the gate and tried to pass her over to him, but she wouldn't let go. "Sweetie let go just for a second, we both can't fit." She nodded against my chest and reluctantly let go. Charlie took her through and I quickly followed, apologizing to him for ramming his gate. It seemed like a good idea at the time and at least it got me in, creating that opening just big enough for me to slip through.

Bella instantly reached for me as soon as I was through and I took her into my arms, apologizing again to Charlie. He nodded in understanding.

"Uh…there's an ambulance on its way. You guys need to get checked out. Is there anything else inside I need to know about?"

"Riley's inside."

"Is he…?"

I shook my head and adjusted Bella against my body as she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Did you get Aro?" I said softly.

"Yeah," he said quickly, looking down at the ground. I couldn't even imagine how hard this is for him to know that his friend was behind all of this. It must have been devastating. "I sent someone to pick him up right after you called me and we got him just as he was packing up his things. Apparently he didn't think things were going well."

"Thank you for trusting me Charlie."

"I trust you with her Edward. After everything you've done it's impossible not to." He scratched his head. "Listen do you think it'd be okay if Bella stayed with you a couple days while I clean this mess up? We can come get statements later."

"Of course."

He nodded and walked around to the back of me, leaning down to my shoulder.

"Honey you're going to stay with Edward for a few days okay." He brushed Bella's hair out of her face. "You're going to be okay." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Love you baby."

"I love you daddy," she mumbled.

The ambulance pulled up and I carted us over. Bella mostly had some bruises and a gash on her head. I hadn't seen it all in the dark, but he'd got her good on the cheek. It was going to swell like a bitch.

They gave us the go ahead so I took Bella to my car and set her in the passenger's seat. I buckled her seatbelt and ran around to get in. I drove quickly to my house, anxious to get her in bed. She probably wouldn't sleep, but it was worth a try.

She leaned her head up against the window as I pulled into the driveway and parked the car. I walked around to help her out of the car, almost ready to scoop her up again but she resisted.

"I can walk," she said softly, taking my hand and starting towards the house.

I could hear Esme and Carlisle laughing in the living room as we opened the door. As soon as we came into view, Esme's face fell. She rushed over to us and grazed her fingers over our injuries.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"We're okay Mom." I cleared my throat. "I'll tell you about it later. Do you have something Bella can wear to sleep?"

"Of course."

I smiled and toted Bella upstairs to my room. She sat down on the bed and sighed as I changed into my pajamas. Esme knocked on the door a few minutes later with some sweats for Bella. She whispered a soft goodnight to us and left.

I leaned against my desk, examining myself in the mirror as Bella changed. I glanced back and saw the bruises along her back. I didn't know if she'd ever tell me everything that happened in that house, but it was life changing. Even with all the shit we've been through this single event changed her life. And I didn't know at this point whether it would have a good or bad outcome.

I turned around and pulled back the covers as she threw her clothes on the floor. We both got in and she pulled herself close to me, resting her head on my chest without a word. Her fingers traced up and down my stomach for endless minutes and I realized there was no way she would sleep on her own. And neither would I.

A soft knock on the door distracted me from my thoughts. Carlisle peeked his head in and started towards us holding a cup of tea.

"Here. I made this for Bella." He stared at me for a long moment before he handed it to me. If I knew him at all, he'd put a little something in it to help her sleep. I took a long sip, hoping it would help me too before handing it to Bella. She drank it without question and handed it back to me.

A half hour later she was sound asleep and I was just about there. I took one last look at her sleeping on my chest and allowed my eyes to finally close.

Over the next couple of days I told Carlisle and Esme everything. A police officer from Charlie's station stopped over and took our statements. Bella didn't even flinch when she was telling her story.

"…And that's when Edward showed up." She shrugged.

I waited until the cop left to say anything else. "Are you okay?" I rubbed her shoulder.

"I'm okay. I didn't let them break me Edward. I refused to let things happen to me. And I have you to thank for that. The girl I was before…she never would have done half the things I did in that house."

I smiled and kissed her hair.

"I'm going to go lay down for a little bit." She smiled slightly and started towards the stairs. I watched television with Emmett for a while and helped Esme with the dishes.

"Oh sweetie, I think I saw something in the mail for you." She smiled and nodded towards the table.

I threw the dishtowel over my shoulder and started filtering through the heap of mail. I recognized the logo as soon as I saw it. I peeked over my shoulder at Esme, who was humming while she finished up the dishes.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I faked a smile.

I tried to casually stroll into the other room as I opened the letter. I blinked away the tears as I read the words over and over. And as my heart shattered into a million pieces there was only one person that popped into my head. Charlie.

"Mom I'll be right back," I yelled, grabbing my keys and storming out the door. I fought back the tears on the quick drive to the station and bolted inside.

"I need to see Charlie now." I told Rita.

"Okay Edward, hold on." She ran back to Charlie's office and peeked her head inside. He emerged a moment later and I couldn't hold myself back. I stormed across the office and pushed him up against the wall. The other officers stood up, probably ready to arrest me, but Charlie held them back.

"How could you do this?" I held up my deployment letter. He took and started reading through like he had no idea what it was. "After everything we've been through, after everything she's been through, you have the audacity…"

"I didn't do this Edward." He handed me back the letter.

"Then what the hell was my commanding officer doing in your office?"

"There were some instances of vandalism at the recruitment office, he was just stopping by to talk more about it."

I breathed deeply and spun around.

"I'm sorry Edward," Charlie said as I walked away. I drove straight home, feeling like the entire world was crashing around me. I didn't know how to tell her. I didn't know if I could tell her. It was like this girl was put here on earth to experience every kind of pain imaginable and I honestly didn't think I could be the one to inflict this one.

Esme was crying softly as I walked into the living room. She sat beside Emmett, who held a similar letter to mine.

They both looked up at me as I approached.

"It's real man," Emmett said, tears glistening in his eyes. "They're sending us back."

**A/N: PLEASE READ!!**

**Okay I shall now go into hiding while you all sharpen your pitchforks. **

**I just want to mention that I don't really have any connection to the army or any military branch so I'm definitely not an expert in these things. I tried to do research because I honestly like my stories to be as accurate as possible, but I came up with nothing. So if this isn't exactly how it would go, please forgive my shortcomings and just realize its for the story and that I might not be able to get it exactly right.**

**Also I want to make it clear that I'm not adding this to the story just to get an emotional reaction or anything like that. Yes I know it is an emotional thing, but I'm not just using it as a tool, it's been a VERY important thing to the story since I started it and it will become especially important with the development of Bella's character. You may not understand it now, but it will make sense as the story develops more. We still have a way to go with these two and they still have some issues to flush out, both together and with themselves.**

**Last but certainly not least another HUGE shout out to all our service men and women out there and their families. You guys are amazing and we are all so thankful for you!**


	32. Reveal

**A/N: Wow response was a lot better than I thought it would be for the last chapter. Thankfully you guys did not plan a MandyLeigh87 barbeque : ) **

**And big thank you to everyone who offered suggestions regarding the military things, I appreciate it so much and I will definitely use them, even in this chapter actually. You guys have been a major help so thank you!**

**This isn't super relevant right now but just in case, I would like to start blogs for my upcoming stories as well and am looking for someone to create some banners for them. If anyone's interested please PM me and I'll get you the info : )**

**Edward**

It'd been a week since we'd gotten our letters. It didn't really sink in until I got a call from Jasper later that night telling me all about the one he'd received. He seemed almost excited, not about being sent off to war of course, but just the excitement of something new, the opportunity to be brave. Even though we were about the same age, he seemed so much younger than me, so much more innocent. It made me sad that his innocence was about to get ripped away from him in the most violent way possible.

I had my meeting with my counselor today. Apparently when you experience an "extraordinary tragedy" as they put it, you have to be cleared before they can send you back into the field.

I woke up early and showered before heading over to Bella's to take her to school. She smiled at me from the top of the stairs and hopped down, her backpack in tow.

"Good morning," she said, popping up on her toes to kiss me.

"Good morning. Are you ready to go?"

"Yep. Let me just say goodbye to my dad." She skipped across the room and into Charlie's office. I tapped my foot anxiously as I waited for her. I'd been a nervous wreck for the past week on the inside, but I'd been very conscious about not letting it slip, especially in front of her.

"Now I'm ready." She laughed as she took my hand and led me outside. We got into my car and started down the driveway. She had this thing about rolling down the window and letting her feet dangle outside whenever she was having a good day. I told her she would probably loose a foot to a mailbox but she didn't seem to care. She said that the weather was starting to get colder and she wouldn't be able to feel that free for a while. Seeing her this happy made it harder for me to tell her.

I pulled up to the curb and waved to a frowning Alice waiting outside. She hadn't been her usual self the past seven days. Jasper didn't have enough will power not to tell her right away. Thankfully she promised not to tell Bella. I had to be the one to do it; I was just having a hard time finding the right time. How do you even tell someone that? Especially someone that you love more than anything. _Hey honey, you're the best thing in my life but I have to leave you now and I don't know if I'll ever come back._ How do you crush someone's entire world like that? I didn't know how to. I keep thinking the answer is going to just come to me, but it hasn't and I knew it wouldn't. The truth is there is no answer to this; I just have to tell her. But not now.

I ran my fingers through my hair as she brushed her lips against mine.

"I'll see you after school?" She asked as she jumped out of the car.

"Um…I think so. I have an…appointment but I should be done in time. If not I'll send Emmett to pick you up and take you back to our house. Can you call Charlie and let him know dinner is at 6?"

"Yeah." She waved and closed the door.

I jetted out of the parking lot, holding my breath the entire way to stop myself from turning around and telling her. It was killing me. Literally tearing me apart. And the worst part that I was keeping something from the person I usually told everything to.

I sped through town and stopped at the grocery store to get some things for Esme. She had invited Charlie and Bella over for dinner tonight and with how sad she'd been lately about our current situation I wasn't going to deny her any ounce of joy she might get from slaving over a hot oven all day.

I helped her for a little bit when I got home until I had to leave for my appointment. I was really anxious about seeing Dr. Peter again. He was the same one they had me talk to after the incident. He was nice enough, easy to talk to. But there was always something weird about pouring your heart out to a stranger. On one side you had no idea if you could trust this person or not. You're telling them everything about yourself that sometimes you won't even admit to yourself. How do you know they won't turn around and use it against you? But on the flip side the stranger factor is a little invigorating. You don't have to worry about seeing them all the time or them really judging you in any way. They don't really know you. Even after all this time I hadn't decided which side of the fence I was on.

I pulled into the almost familiar office and walked inside. The woman at the desk greeted me with a smile and asked me my name.

"Edward Cullen," I said softly as I glanced around the room. There was one other person in the waiting room and they were being annoying as fuck. Between the irritating music and them tapping on their damn magazine every two seconds I was about to go insane.

"Mr. Cullen, Dr. Peter is ready for you." I stood up and quickly pushed through the door, looking to escape all this madness.

Dr. Peter was sitting in an oversized chair, just like all the psychiatrist types did, with a pen and paper in his hand.

"Edward," he nodded. "Very nice to see you again. Won't you take a seat?" He gestured to the couch in front of him. I sighed and lowered myself onto the leather, making it squeak awkwardly into the silence of the room.

"Hey Dr. Peter how's it hanging?" I laughed nervously,

He cleared his throat. "It's…hanging good." He scribbled down a few things on his notepad. "So Edward. How is everything going with you?"

"Really good actually." I relaxed a little back into the couch.

"Would you like to tell me about it?" He smiled and scribbled again.

"Sure." I leaned forward onto my elbows. "Let's see. I'm living back at home with my family. Up until recently I was employed as a bodyguard for the Police Commissioner. And I have an amazing girlfriend that I love very much."

"Sounds like you've got a lot going for you. And how does your girlfriend feel about this latest development with you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"She…she actually doesn't know." I shook my head. "We've been through a lot lately." I laughed under my breath. "Actually that's probably the biggest understatement of the century. I'm just having a hard time telling her."

"Hmm…" His eyes narrowed at his paper. "And how do you feel about your development Edward?"

I took a few moments to compose my thoughts so they were actually coherent. Whenever I tried to talk about it with my parents or Emmett it seemed to come out in rambling mumbles.

"I'm scared, I won't lie. I went through a lot over there and I don't think anyone could ever fully recover from it. The thought of going back there terrifies me, but not as much as it used to. Before I was with Bella I don't think I could have even handled receiving that letter as well as I did. I probably would have been crumpled in the corner having a panic attack."

"And what is it about Bella that changed you?"

I laughed again.

"What's funny?" Dr. Peter smiled.

"It's just such a simple subject for something so…huge. She's such a monumental moment in my life, where do I start?" I ran my fingers through my hair and thought about it. "She makes me want to be braver, stronger. She makes me feel like I could do anything in the world that I ever wanted to do, no matter how impossible or extreme it may seem. She makes me want to be a better person just by standing next to me. She's changed me in everyway, I don't even know any other way to put it." I found myself smiling as I spoke about Bella, completely aware that I probably looked like a crazy person.

"Well she sounds like a great girl." He wrote a few more things down.

We talked some more about Bella and all the other things going on in my life. He asked about my family and how they were doing. An hour later he stood and walked over to his desk.

"Edward I can see that you've grown since you've come back. And honestly I believe that you are emotionally….stable enough to return to your duties. But I have one last question….do you believe you're ready?"

I sighed and realized he was leaving the decision up to me. I knew leaving Bella would be the hardest thing I'd ever do. I knew that I would be scared. I knew that…bad things might happen. But I also knew that Emmett and Jasper would be there. And there was no way I could abandon them now. Was I supposed to let them go alone just because I was offered an "out?" I couldn't do that. I wouldn't. I signed up for this shit and I was going to finish it.

"I don't think anyone is ever ready to go back sir, but am I willing? Yes."

He stared at me for a long moment before nodding his head. "Alright. Well I'm clearing you. Captain Webber would like you to stop by his office and sign some paperwork and such."

"Alright. Thank you Dr. Peter." I stood up and started towards the door.

"Good luck son."

I left and drove to the recruitment office to speak with Captain Webber. He went through all the logistics of everything and made me swear that I was willing to return to active duty. After I assured him that I was, he gave me a timetable explaining that I would start training again next week for a refresher. They didn't know the exact date we'd be actually leaving so we'd be training until then. It could be a couple weeks or a month and I think that was the worst part. Now that I knew I was going back, I wanted to know when so I could prepare myself. So I could prepare Bella. As much as I didn't want to tell her, I couldn't just spring that on her at the last minute.

I think a part of me was scared of what she'd become when I left. I had all the faith in her in the world, but there was that small voice inside my head saying that she'd fall apart again. And that scared me to hell.

I glanced at the clock as I started home and realized it was late, almost four. I reached for my phone and dialed Emmett's number to make sure he had remembered to pick Bella up from school.

"Hello," he answered softly.

"Hey did you pick Bella up? I ran a little late."

"Yeah I did. Um…are you on your way home?" He seemed a little anxious.

"Yeah why?"

"Just get here okay." He hung up and I pressed down on the pedal a little harder than usual. Whatever was happening at home, I didn't like it.

I pulled into the driveway and ran inside, expecting to find a fire or something, but everything seemed quiet. I peeked around the corner and noticed Emmett and Rose sitting on the couch watching television with Carlisle. I raised my eyes at him, wondering what the hell he was so frantic about.

"She's in the kitchen with Esme," he said softly.

I rounded the corner, but stopped short of walking in. Bella and Esme sat at the counter talking softly to each other. Bella's back was to me, but I could tell she was upset about something. I wondered if something happened at school until I caught sight of the letter sitting on the countertop next to them. My letter. She'd found it.

I leaned against the doorframe and waited. Part of me didn't really want to interrupt them and the other part was trying to prepare myself to talk to her about this. Esme leaned over and kissed Bella's forehead before wiping at her face. My heart completely shattered knowing that she was crying and I wasn't the one comforting her right now. I mean I know my mom is amazing at that, but it should have been me. I should have been here when she found out. I should have been the one to tell her. Not some fucking stupid piece of paper.

Esme's eyes drifted to me and she quickly got up and started towards me. She leaned in and gave me a hug. "She's pretty upset," she whispered. "Just give her a few minutes." She kissed my cheek and disappeared into the living room.

Bella sat for a few moments, staring straight ahead. She sighed loudly and wiped at her cheeks before jumping up and walking over to the cutting board. Her eyes caught mine briefly, but she remained silent.

She picked up a carrot from the stack sitting beside the cutting board and a large knife and very deliberately began chopping. It was almost like each time the knife met the wood of the board it grew louder and louder.

I took a few steps towards her and she instantly stopped her movements.

"Edward," she breathed. "I have…never been so angry with you and I have a large knife in my hands." She stared out the window as she spoke, almost like she was trying to keep herself distracted so she didn't turn around and take me out. "Just…stay back please." She started chopping again as I backed away.

"Bella…"

"Don't," she said.

"Don't what?" I said. "I can't fucking talk to you about this?"

"No. Not right now."

"This is ridiculous!" I sighed.

"Ouch!" The knife clanged against the board as Bella cowered back clutching her finger. I jumped up from my seat and rushed over to her.

"Let me see." I reached for her but she pulled back.

"I'm fine. I got it." She ran over to the sink and ran her sliced finger under cold water. I sauntered into the bathroom and grabbed a band-aid and some anti-bacterial stuff. She didn't protest when I took her hand in mine and looked it over. It wasn't deep enough for stitches, but it was still pretty fucking gross. I wrapped the bandage around it and bent down to kiss it.

"Thank you," she whispered, keeping her eyes on the floor. She tried to walk away but I grabbed onto her waist and pulled her to me.

"Why won't you talk to me about this?" I forced her eyes up to mine and they looked absolutely panicked.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice boomed from behind us.

I sighed and lowered my voice. "This discussion isn't over." I stepped away and offered Charlie a smile as he entered the room. I left to watch television with Emmett and Rose, while the others bustled around the kitchen. I heard Charlie offer to help but Esme insisted that he just relax. He eventually joined us out in the living room and started talking sports with Emmett.

I kept glancing towards the kitchen hoping I would catch a glimpse of her, but I never did. Esme eventually announced dinner was ready and we all congregated into the formal dining room. We didn't use this much. Usually we just sat at the bar or in the living room, but apparently since we had guests we had to be all proper. I sat down as Bella brought some of the food out. I was a little surprised when she sat down across from me, instead of the empty seat beside me.

Dinner was weird. The parents all chatted away like it was nothing, but Bella and I didn't say a word. Neither did Emmett, which was a lot for him. I didn't eat much, basically just pushed the food around on my plate. Every now and then I'd shift my eyes towards her and catch her looking at me. But she'd just shake her head and go back to her food.

I got to a point where I just couldn't take it anymore. I reached my foot over and tapped her leg. She jumped and glared at me. I tried to soften the look on my face hoping she wouldn't be so hostile, but it didn't help. I ran my foot farther up her leg and back down.

She sighed and dropped her fork. It clanged against the plate as she pushed her chair back and stomped out. "Excuse me," she whispered.

"Sorry." I set my napkin on my plate and tried to follow her. She darted outside and started towards her father's car.

"Damnit will you just stop!" I yelled. She got inside and slammed the door.

I reached out for the door but she slammed down the locks just before I could reach it.

"Are you just going to sit in there until Charlie finishes his dinner?" I crossed my arms.

She nodded and stared straight ahead. I sighed and leaned down to her window, tapping lightly against the glass. She tried to ignore me, but eventually rolled it down.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"How long were you going to wait to tell me? Huh? Were you just going to run to the store one day and not come back?" The tears started slipping down her cheek again as her legs bounced up and down, anxious about my answer.

"Bella, come on," I sighed. I leaned down and tried to kiss her.

"Don't touch me." She backed away. "Don't." She shook her head and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"I was going to tell you…soon."

"Well soon wasn't fucking soon enough!" She screamed. "Just…" She slammed her fists down on the dashboard as she screamed again. It was pure, raw emotion, and it was only comprehensible to me. I knew exactly what she was saying. I'm breaking my promise to her again.

She huffed and rolled the window up as she scooted over to the driver's seat. With a quick turn of the keys, she shifted the car into gear and sped out of the driveway leaving me alone.

I sighed and walked back inside. As soon as I entered the dining room, they all went silent which probably meant they were talking about us.

"Bella's just going for a little drive…" I sat back down at my spot and tried to eat something.

"In my cruiser?" Charlie asked.

I nodded.

"Damnit! That girl!" He threw his napkin down and started out of the room. "Thank you for the wonderful dinner Esme. Edward can you please drive me to the station, I obviously have a car to hunt down."

**Bella**

Today was supposed to be a good day. It was supposed to be a good day in the line of consecutive good days I was having.

I woke up before my alarm even went off and quickly took a shower and got ready for school. Charlie and I were on good terms. Edward picked me up and dropped me off at school. We watched a movie in my last hour and I got a 95% on my math test. It was a good day.

As the final bell rang I skipped out of the front entrance to the school and looked for Edward's car. He said he had an appointment but he should still be here.

"Bella!" Emmett's voice yelled. He waved me over from his Jeep and smiled. I hopped inside and threw my bag in the back. "He's running a little late." He cleared his throat and started back to his house. "So," he smiled. "What did we learn in school today?"

"Did you know that mosquitoes have 47 teeth?" I asked.

"Ew. No. No more school talk." He shook his head as he pulled into the driveway. We went inside and I said hello to Rosalie and Carlisle before heading up to Edward's room to work on some homework.

I threw my bag on the bed and plopped down beside it. I glanced beside me and smiled at the picture sitting beside the bed. We didn't even know Esme was taking the picture until it was over, but it was perfect. Edward and I were lying on the couch downstairs watching a movie. One of his arms was draped lazily behind him and the other rested on my back as I slept on his chest. I always thought I looked weird sleeping, but Edward insisted I looked like a peaceful angel. Esme had it framed for both of us.

I sighed and opened my bag, pulling out my biology homework. I dug deeper trying to find a pencil but had no luck. I must have left them all in my locker. Edward must have one somewhere around here. I got up off the bed and walked over to his desk. There wasn't anything on top, but maybe I could find something in one of the drawers. I pulled the first couple open but only found some random stuff. No pencils. I yanked open the last one, expecting to find much of the same. A single piece of paper sat before me. Any other time I wouldn't have given it a second look, but the logo on top was shouting at me. It looked so familiar and I didn't know why.

I reached down and grabbed it, bringing it closer to me. I squinted to read the words circling around the golden orb at the top. Department of the Army, United States of America. I held my breath as I unfolded the rest of the letter. I quickly scanned through the letter, but my mind only attached to one word. Deployment. I tried to focus, to blink it away but there it was in plain black and white. Deployment.

My fist crumpled around the letter and I told my feet to move. I was vaguely aware that I was moving. Down the hallway, down the stairs, into the living room.

"Bells! You've got to see this guy on Maury! He's afraid of pickles…" Emmett laughed and turned towards me. His face fell immediately and he rushed over to me. "Sweetie what's wrong?"

"What?" I choked out. "What is this?" I held up the letter as I felt the warm tears start to crawl down my face.

He glanced down at the letter and sighed. "Shit," he whispered.

"I…I don't understand. He told me…He told me he wasn't leaving." I shook my head. "He promised me he wouldn't."

"Bella honey," Esme said from behind me. "Come with me, we'll talk." She held out her arms to me and I slowly followed her into the kitchen. I set the paper down on the counter and sat myself on one of the stools. She slowly poured me a cup of tea and set it down on the counter before sitting down next to me. She didn't push me to say anything; she just sipped on her tea and waited until I was ready.

"How long?" I asked.

"He received it last week, along with Jasper and Emmett."

That shed some light on Alice's behavior the past week. Her boyfriend had actually told her his life changing news.

"How do you do it Esme? How do you let them leave? How do you not worry yourself sick when they do? I don't….I don't know if I can do it. I don't want to do it."

"It's not easy. Bella it's going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever experience and I'm sorry that you have to go through it. But whenever I see my boys walking away, I just know that they're taking a little part of me with them. And I keep a little part of them here with me. Always." She set her cup down and took my hands. "It's going to feel like you can't breathe the first couple of days. You're going to want to scream and yell and kick and blame…someone. But there's no one to blame honey. You have to accept their choice even if it isn't what you wanted. And once you get rid of all that bullshit, you realize how proud you are of everything they do and how much you love them for it." She offered me a smile and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on my forehead and wiping away my tears.

She glanced behind me and walked away. I heard her stop in the doorway and whisper something softly. I knew she was talking to him. I was in so deep with him, it was almost like my body was hypersensitive to his presence. I could feel him as soon as he stepped in the room.

I took a few moments to try and compose myself before I faced him, but as soon as I saw his face all of that was gone. I didn't want him to talk to me about it now. I wanted him to talk to me about it a week ago when he got the damn letter.

Dinner was awkward. Charlie and Carlisle had no idea what was going on with Edward and me and they acted just that way. Esme kept sneaking glances at us, looking like she thought one of us was going to burst at any moment. And I finally did.

I had to get out of there. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was so angry with him, but I was fighting the urge to wrap my arms around him the entire time.

I wasn't even thinking when I took Charlie's cruiser. It took me a full ten minutes to realize what I'd done and I knew it was too late now. Taking his cruiser for a joy ride was probably going to get me an intensive grounding, but I was hoping I could plead temporary insanity. It wouldn't be far from the truth.

I drove for an hour until I realized I had no idea where I was. I pulled over to the side of the road and just cried. I didn't have to worry about anyone hearing me or judging me. I was in the middle of nowhere and there was no one here but me.

"Bells?" My dad's voice came over the radio.

I hesitated before picking up the radio and responding. "Yeah Dad."

"Where are you honey?"

"I have no fucking clue." I looked around, trying to find a cross street. "Greenfield Road?"

"Okay just stay where you are. I'm coming to get you. It's getting dark I don't want you driving around aimlessly at night when you don't know where you are."

"Uh…Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Is he with you?" I rested the radio against my forehead.

"No. He just dropped me off. I'm alone."

I sighed and hung up the radio. It only took him forty-five minutes to get to me, he must have been speeding. He tapped on my window and I unlocked the door and scooted over to the passenger's seat. He waved to the other deputy back in the car behind us and got inside.

We drove in relative silence for the first half of the way home. I tried to stop crying, but it was no use. Charlie finally sighed and opened his arm to me. "Come on honey. Everything'll be okay."

I scooted over to him and rested my head on his shoulder as he rubbed up and down my arm. Edward must have told him.

Charlie dropped me off at home and after making sure I was okay, left for the office again. He apologized and said he'd be gone most of the night. He offered to call in, but I told him no. I wouldn't be able to stand someone looking at me with that look of pity in their eyes all damn night.

I went back to my room for a while but couldn't stand the silence, or just sitting there and doing nothing. So I put my iPod in and started down towards Riley's old house. We hadn't really cleaned or anything since he's been….gone so I thought this would be the perfect time. I crept down the stairs and around to the back, grabbing a new pair of sheets along the way.

Once I got inside, I cleaned every single inch of anything I could find. I think I was hoping I would tire myself out enough that once I got back to the house I would just pass out from exhaustion. I stripped the bed and started putting the new sheets on. About halfway through I took a break, which went against my plan of keeping busy. I lay down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, thinking about everything that happened in this room between Edward and I. Sure Riley tainted it a little with his epic douchebaggery, but it was still ours. I curled up on my side and turned towards the back window, closing my eyes and hoping sleep would find me.

My eyes shot open as the bed shifted beside me. As soon as he tentatively wrapped his arms around me I relaxed. I pulled my earphones out and set my iPod on the nightstand.

"How'd you get in here?" I whispered.

"Charlie called me. Gave me the new gate code. I guess that means he really trusts me again," Edward said.

I turned myself over to face him. He smiled slightly and brushed a strand of hair off my face.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm sorry I locked up like that I'm just…really scared."

He pulled me closer and I buried my head into his chest.

"I should be the one apologizing. I should have told you sooner I was just…really scared too. I didn't know how to tell you and I was avoiding it because I didn't want to hurt you. And I just made it worse." His hands migrated slowly up and down my back as he kissed my head. "I have no idea how I'm going to leave you."

I smiled ever so slightly as I tilted my eyes up to meet his. "You're never going to leave me," I said, brushing my lips softly against his. "When you go you're going to take a little part of me with you. And I'm going to keep a little part of you here with me."

**A/N: I know she isn't in a ton of the story, but I frickin love this Esme. Leave one : )  
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	33. Bruised and Battered

**A/N: So we're going to get to experience a little bit of what Edward goes through once he starts training. I've read some blogs from people writing about their experiences and they were so great to read. I just wanted to get an idea of what kinds of things they went through. I just wanted to note that Edward's experience is going to be quite different. Not only is he not actually being sent away like many do for "boot camp" but he's also still living at home and its more of a refresher to get him back "into shape." I'm aware that this exact kind of thing most likely doesn't exist, but for the purpose of this story it does. **

**I also have noticed a huge influx in the amount of alerts I'm getting about this story and I know it's because of all of you. So for everyone who has RT'd on Twitter, or sent something into a blog, or visited my blog, or even just told someone about my story, a huge thank you! I owe the success of it to you, so keep doing what you're doing because its definitely showing : )**

**Also, if you want to check out a visual of the types of things Edward has to go through during Training, check out this awesome website. It was a great resource for me for this chapter. www(dot)physicallytrained(dot)com/fm21-20/physical-fitness-training/obstacle-courses-and-additional-drills(dot)shtml**

**Edward**

I woke up at four a.m. so I could be at training by five. It was only a short drive from here, but it felt like an entirely different world. I thought about calling Bella to calm my nerves of the first day back but I didn't want to wake her. I think she mentioned something about having a big math test today.

I ran my fingers through my hair and stretch as I walked to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and got dressed in my Army sweats. Esme had washed an entire pile of them and laid them neatly on my desk a few days ago, but they ended up in a pile in my closet. They made me too damn anxious just sitting out like that. I felt like they were staring at me while I slept at night. I know that's weird, I mean they're just clothes. But I wanted to take advantage of the time I had before I had to go in. And I didn't want that huge ass reminder sitting out in plain sight. I was proud of who I was and what I stood for, but I just needed that time to process everything and not feel like it was the elephant in the room.

I trotted downstairs and immediately smelled something cooking. Esme smiled at me, still in her pajamas, from the stove.

"Momma you didn't have to do that…" I kissed her head and went to sit at the counter.

"Yes I did. I want my boys to have a healthy breakfast." She dished some scrambled eggs onto a plate and set it in front of me. She did the same for Emmett, who was just jumping into the shower on my way downstairs, and put a small amount aside for Carlisle when he got up.

"How are you feeling honey? Are you nervous?" She sat down next to me and watched me eat.

"Yeah." I nodded my head honestly and took a bite.

"That's expected. Well I know you're going to do great. And I'm proud of you. And I know another little lady who is proud of you too." She laughed and nudged me with her elbow. "Did you give her a call?"

I shook my head. "No…I don't want to bother her."

"Well that's your decision Edward, but I hardly think it would be bothering her. I'm sure she'd want to talk to you before you head out for the day."

"Actually I would like to talk to you before you head out." Bella rounded the corner with her arms crossed in front of her. "Did you really think I was going to let you go get your ass kicked in training without letting me tease you about it?" She winked and walked over to me.

"What…are you doing here?" I smiled, wrapping my arms around her.

"Well I know it's not like real boot camp and you'll be back later, but I still wanted to be here for your first day. You were there for my first day of school so…" She shrugged and ran her fingers through my damp hair. "How are you, are you okay?" She placed a soft kiss on my temple and sat down beside me.

"Yeah I'm okay." I nodded and finished my breakfast. "Don't you have a big test today?"

"I talked to Mr. Smith about it. He said I could take it tomorrow."

"What excuse did you give him this time?" I laughed.

"The truth. I told him that the most important person in my life had a big day today and that I had to be there for him."

"Emmett!" Esme called softly up the stairs. "Your food is getting cold!"

"Hold on Ma!" He boomed back. I'm pretty sure if Carlisle wasn't awake before, he was now. "I'm doing something."

He sauntered downstairs about five minutes later with Rose in tow.

"Hello Something," Bella smiled, nodding towards Rose.

"Little Swan," Emmett said, picking up his plate. "I'm really touched you came to see me."

Bella rolled her eyes and laughed.

I smiled and leaned in close to her. "Take a walk with me," I whispered.

She nodded and stood up, taking my hand and starting towards the door.

It was still dark outside, just anticipating a first glimpse at the sun.

"Okay tell me how you're really feeling," Bella whispered as we sauntered around the front.

"I guess I'm nervous. I mean it's not like its totally new for me so I guess I don't have a right to be scared."

She scrunched her face up in thought and she looked so cute I had to resist kissing her right then. "Well that doesn't seem fair to me. Just because you've done this before doesn't mean you can't be scared. It's a scary thing Edward. Be scared if you want to be. I am."

I sighed and leaned forward, pressing my forehead against hers. "I'm sorry that it scares you."

"Don't be. I understand even if I don't like it." She wrapped her arms around my neck and sighed.

I could have stayed like this forever with her. If I could take a picture of one single moment in my life, I think this would be it. The first rays of sun were starting to creep across the yard, revealing the moisture leftover on the grass and I could finally see the thick layer of fog encircling us. It was almost magical.

I leaned down and pressed my lips softly to hers as my fingers twisted lightly in her hair. She pressed her body unimaginably closer, just craving the contact.

"I love you," she whispered, pulling away and resting her head on my chest.

"I love you too baby." I kissed the top of her head and turned towards the front porch. Emmett, Rose and Esme stepped outside and Emmett pointed to his watch. We had to leave or we were going to be late. "I have to go." I gave her one last squeeze and stepped back.

"Call me later. Let me know how it goes. Maybe I'll take you out for ice cream or something if you were a good boy." She smiled and started towards the porch.

"Alright." I nodded and grinned as I got into the car. Emmett kissed Rose and mom and ran to join me. With one last look at Bella, I turned the car on and backed out. I knew that was going to be the best part of my day. Because what was ahead of me was hell.

We were silent for most of the drive, trying to prepare for the day ahead of us. We were the lucky ones I guess. We got to go home to the people we love. Most of these guys were going through this for the first time and stayed at the camp.

I pulled in and parked the car, but didn't get out. I sat for a few minutes staring straight ahead taking deep breaths.

"You ready bro?" Emmett asked, reaching for the handle.

"Yeah," I said, doing the same. "I'm ready." I stepped out of the car already feeling different. The old me that I thought was gone? He was back in full force. I got that familiar rush of adrenaline running through my veins. It was a strange feeling. You know you're about to get your ass handed to you, but at the same time you're excited about it.

I ran my fingers through my hair as we started towards the office. The new recruits were standing at attention in the middle of the field, in a perfect square. Not bad for their first day. I scanned the crowd looking for Jasper and I finally spotted him. Third one from the left. He was standing perfectly straight with his eyes forward. Whoever his drill sergeant was he was really laying it on him, but he took it in perfect stride. And that's how I knew he was going to make it. You can tell a lot about a person by how they react to getting epically bitched at. I was pretty sure he would need to go wash the saliva off his face afterwards. I shook my head and said a little prayer for him as we stepped into Captain Webber's office.

"Well if it isn't the Cullen boys." He smiled and stood up to greet us. We both saluted him and took the familiar stance.

"Sir," I said, nodding my head.

"Relax boys. You aren't officially on the clock yet." He smiled. "I'm going to put you in the group of newbies. I'm hoping once you get back in the flow you'll be able to help them out." He leaned over his desk and shuffled some papers. "Captain Yorkie will be your commanding officer."

I elbowed Emmett, warning him not to laugh. He narrowed his eyes at me and cracked a smile.

"He's outside with them now. Go join your team." He nodded out towards the field I'd seen Jasper in. Mr. Screamer must have been Captain Yorkie. We saluted again and walked out of his office.

We walked confidently on the field and stood alongside the edge of the group, standing at attention like the others.

"You wanna know what's on the bottom of my shit list?" Captain Yorkie turned in front of me. "Tardiness."

"I apologize Drill Sergeant, it won't happen again." I kept my eyes straight ahead.

"So you're him?" He laughed darkly and leaned closer. "Lieutenant Cullen?" I felt his eyes wander up and down, assessing me. "Kind of a let down."

I shook it off and laughed on the inside. I know these guys are supposed to make you feel like shit, but I knew better. If he only knew I could probably break him with my pinky.

"Something funny Cullen?" He snapped back towards me. I guess my laugh wasn't so silent.

"No Drill Sergeant!"

"Give me some laps. Maybe that'll wipe that 'my shit don't stink' grin off your face."

I didn't argue. I just started running around the field. Once. Twice. Three times. I caught Jasper sneaking a peek at me but I shook my head at him. I didn't want him to get in trouble.

I felt the burn in my lungs by the tenth lap, but I didn't falter. I knew how this worked. The more you complain the more they'll have you do. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear whatever they throw at you. I watched as Captain Yorkie ran the team through some normal Physical Training. Jumping jacks, push ups, sit ups.

I remember the first time I went through this. I thought I was going to die before I finished. Half of my squad dropped out after the first day.

I sighed as the raindrops started again. There was an audible grumble from the group and I shook my head, knowing they just fucked themselves.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Yorkie snapped.

"No Drill Sergeant!" They echoed in unison.

"Today we will be doing a preliminary evaluation. Through those woods behind us is an extensive training course. If you do not cross that finish line today, you will not be cleared for this squad. Is that understood?"

"Yes Drill Sergeant!"

They started filing out one by one towards the trees. Yorkie looked my way, but I didn't stop going. My shirt was completely drenched and I couldn't tell if it was from the sudden downpour or just sheer sweat. My lungs felt like someone was holding a lighter to them, slow cooking them just for the pleasure of it. You never realize how out of shape you are until you join the Army.

I spit out a mouthful of rain and glanced over to where the group had disappeared. I couldn't even see them anymore through the thick mist of the rain.

"Cullen!" Captain Webber motioned to me.

"I'm sorry sir. I wasn't given permission to stop." I rounded the corner and started on another lap.

"Well I'm giving you permission. If Captain Yorkie has an issue, I'll deal with it."

I sighed and couldn't help but drop to the ground with exhaustion. I tried to hide myself as I vomited all over the grass. Thankfully the rain washed it away and I wouldn't have to clean it up later.

"I'm sorry about that sir."

"I didn't get a chance to speak with you in private earlier. I just wanted to let you know that Captain Yorkie is aware of your situation and I hope he reacts accordingly. If there are any problems please let me know."

I groaned underneath my breath. I know he was just trying to help but the last thing I need is my Drill Sergeant thinking he needs to pity me because he'll do the complete opposite.

"Thank you Sir, but that really wasn't necessary. This Lieutenant wants to be treated just like any other Sir."

"I appreciate that Cullen, but aren't like them. You're going to do great things in this company." He nodded out to the woods. "Go join your team."

I saluted him and jogged off. The group wasn't that hard to find. All I had to do was follow the screaming. One poor guy was in the middle of a Shark Attack by Captain Yorkie and some other guy I didn't recognize. I walked up behind them and joined the group.

"Cullen," Captain Yorkie smiled and turned towards me. "I'm so glad you could join us. You just missed every single one of your group failing this test." He turned back to the group. "You all disgust me. You can't even pass a simple, pathetic course in 8:00 flat. How do you expect to survive once you really get out there?" He circled the group as my eyes raked over the course. Seemed fairly standard. Some walls, ropes, elbow digs into the mud.

"It's impossible!" One of the newbies piped up. _Oh brother. What a fucking idiot._

"Impossible?" Captain Yorkie snapped. "Impossible is nothing. Impossible is a pile of steaming shit. If you think this is impossible then you should not be here." He stared down the kid for a few more seconds before turning on his heel. He walked up and down the rows of us, the rain plinking violently off the brim of his hat.

I took a deep breath and stood tall. "Requesting permission to demonstrate Drill Sergeant!" I screamed.

Captain Yorkie walked over to me and brought his face within inches of mine. "Demonstrate what Cullen?"

"The possibilities Drill Sergeant!" I stared straight ahead past him.

He laughed under his breath and stepped aside. "Be my guest. What's one more disappointment for the day."

I walked very deliberately towards the start of the course.

As soon as the whistle blew I launched myself forward. The first obstacle was a "dodging" activity. I navigated through the rows of zigzagging wood planks, slipping slightly in the mud at each corner. I could see why the rest of them might think it's impossible.

I footed my way quickly through the rows of tires and towards the first wall. It was the first in a succession of three. They were all relatively short, mostly designed to be jumped over, not scaled. I landed a little funny on my ankle after the first one, but ignored the slight pain and kept going through the next two.

I swiftly jumped over two trenches and started towards the single rope. It hung from a tall stand, a bell positioned right at the top. I fought through the burn in my arms and made my way up, each pull feeling like my muscles were being ripped from my body. I quickly rang the bell and allowed myself to slide down the rope, my hands barely touching to avoid rope burn.

I slipped a few times on the balance beams, eliciting a head shake from Captain Yorkie as he eyed his watch. They were slippery suckers when they were wet, I could barely keep my feet on them for more than a second without slipping off. I finally made it across and guided myself across the horizontal rope climb, losing my footing a few times.

"Cullen you're on track to join the rest of your group!" Yorkie yelled.

I grunted and took in the wall in front of me. It was twice the size of the ones before and I knew I'd have to get a running start. I stood back and thrust myself forward, jumping as high as humanly possible. My fingertips barely grazed against the edge of the wood, but fell short of getting a good grip. I shot back down to the ground, landing in a huge puddle of mud.

Yorkie turned back to the group, obviously thinking I was done. He had no fucking clue. I got up and ran back, going at the wall again. This time I got a grip on the top of the wall and tried to pull myself up, but my arms felt like jelly. I screamed out loud and put everything I had into propelling myself over. I was met with cheers from the group as I landed on the other side.

I knew I couldn't have much time yet and I had one more obstacle left. A field of barbed wire lay ahead of me, raised just enough off the ground that a body could barely pass underneath it.

I dropped to my stomach and dug my elbows into the mud. It squished underneath me, offering little to no traction. I dug them in again and thought of the only things that could keep me going right now. Bella, my family and the guys_. _We may have only just yet but they were my brothers now, regardless.

I pulled myself forward, letting out a scream as I dragged along in the mud. I thrust my knees into the ground and pushed myself along, feeling the earth saturating my clothes and my skin. Just a few more to go. Push. Keep going. Show him. Show everyone.

I finally cleared the wire and forced myself up into attention. My shoulders heaved up and down with exhaustion as I stood there, waiting to hear the verdict.

I felt someone step up behind me and circle around. Captain Yorkie glanced at his watch again and cleared his throat.

"Your time is seven minutes and forty six seconds."

I lost it and jumped up and down, hollering and starting towards the group. "This we'll defend!" I shouted, slamming my fist against my chest. "This we'll defend! Who's next? Come on!"

Jasper stepped forward and saluted. "Requesting permission to try again Drill Sergeant!"

Another stepped forward. "Me too Drill Sergeant!"

One by one everyone stepped up asking to try again. I took my place in the back and held in a smile. I was prepared to spend the rest of the day and night out here to get everyone through this course. I refused to let anyone but us win.

**Bella**

School was excruciatingly slow today, even though I got out of my math test. I slept all through study hour and could barely keep my eyes open during the movie in Biology. Alice looked like I felt. The dark circles under her eyes attested to her lack of sleep the night before. It was different for her. Sure Jasper was close but he was actually in boot camp. At least I got to see Edward later when he got home.

I wasn't sure how late Edward would be at training, but Charlie picked me up from school and took me home. I thought about calling Edward, but I didn't want to get him in trouble. He said he'd call me when he was done; I just had to wait patiently.

He never called. Ten, eleven, midnight came and went. I stared at the clock, completely sick with worry. Was he okay? Why didn't he call? I definitely wasn't one of those clingy girlfriends whose boyfriend had to call every ten minutes, but it was kind of an important day for him and I wanted to hear about it.

I finally gave in just before one in the morning and dialed his number. It rang a few times and went to voicemail.

"Hey," I whispered, careful not to wake Charlie. "I was just seeing how it went, I thought you were going to call me so…" I twisted my blanket through my fingers. "I guess that's it. I'll talk to you later." I hung up and set my phone next to me, feeling extremely disappointed. It took me forever to fall asleep, but just as I closed my eyes my phone vibrated against me. I glanced over at my clock. It was four in the morning. He was probably just getting up again.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice still thick with sleep.

"Hey sweetie, I'm sorry I woke you up. I just got your voicemail and realized I forgot to call you." He sounded more exhausted than I did.

"It's okay." I rolled over and pulled my blanket tight. "How was it?"

"It was intense. And exhausting. And completely amazing. It's so incredible how quickly you bond with the guys. That's why I was out so late actually. Our Drill Sergeant is kind of a dick and I refused to let any of the guys drop out after the first day. It took us until ten o'clock to get everyone through the PT obstacle course."

"PT?"

"Physical Training." He coughed. "Anyway when I got home I literally took a shower and passed the fuck out. I still feel like I didn't get enough sleep."

"Well I hope today is easier for you."

"I'll get through it." He yawned. "Well I have to get going but I'll try to call you later if I get in early enough."

"Okay." I closed my eyes, almost falling back asleep.

"I love you."

"Love you too." I blindly hung up the phone and threw it on my nightstand before I drifted back off to sleep.

He didn't call again that night, or the next. By Thursday morning I was ready to steal Charlie's cruiser again and drive over there just to make sure he was alive.

"Bells I want to talk to you," Charlie said as I scooted down the stairs.

"Sure. What's up?"

"Uh. How's everything going with Edward? Is he doing okay?"

I laughed under my breath and shrugged. "Honestly I don't know. I haven't talked to him since Tuesday morning."

"Oh?"

"He has really long days."

"Well I wanted to talk about the truck…" He mumbled, running his hand over the back of his neck.

"Is it broken?" I snuck a peek outside.

"No it's fine. I uh…I just think you're getting old enough now. And I just can't take you and pick you up from school all the time. So I was thinking you could kind of use it. You know to drive."

"You're giving me the truck?" I felt the smile spread across my face.

"I'm giving you the truck."

I ran over and threw my arms around him, squealing with delight.

"Now Bella this does not mean you can go be reckless. I can always take it back." He narrowed his eyebrows at me and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out the truck keys and dangled them in front of me. "Have fun. And be careful. Please."

I smiled and took the keys from him. "Thanks Dad." I kissed him on the cheek and grabbed my bag.

I still hadn't heard from Edward by the time I got out of school. I decided I was just going to go over there after dinner, because this was just getting ridiculous. I would just sit and wait for him if I had to.

I quickly downed my dinner, warranting strange looks from Charlie, and used my newly coveted vehicle to drive over to the Cullen's. I was surprised to see both Emmett and Edward's car in the driveway. I didn't expect them to be home yet.

I parked my car and let myself in, knowing that Esme wouldn't mind. Carlisle was sitting in the living room reading the paper and I could hear Esme humming in the kitchen.

"Hello Bella," Carlisle said as I brushed by. I smiled and walked into the kitchen. Esme was getting something out of the freezer.

"Are they home?" I asked.

"Yes. They actually got out on time today, thank goodness." She smiled and tossed the large bag between her hands. "He's up in his room. Here I'll just let you take this I'm sure he wants to talk to you." She handed me the bag. I didn't really understand, but I took it anyway and started upstairs. I heard Emmett and Rose talking softly behind his door as I passed.

Edward's door was cracked open just a little, with a soft glow of light seeping through into the hallway. I slowly pushed it open and saw him lying on his stomach, sprawled out completely shirtless across his bed. His arm fell limply over the edge and his eyes were closed as his shoulders heaved up and down. Even from here I could see the bruises and swelling in his muscles. He must be in a lot of pain.

I crept onto the bed slowly, careful not to wake him and laid the cold compress across his back. He jumped a little at the change in temperature but didn't open his eyes. I ran my fingers through his hair and watched him sleep. I idly traced down his neck and over the exposed bruises on his back. I leaned over and softly brushed my lips across his skin placing wet kisses along the way, hoping I could make it feel better.

"Bella I hope to God that's you and not Esme," he mumbled.

I laughed against his skin and rested my forehead on his back.

He winced and turned his head towards me, smiling as soon as my eyes met his.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi. I'm Bella." I scooted closer and pressed my lips against his.

"Well Bella that was quite a greeting from a complete stranger." He reached out to me and pulled me close, trying to hide the pain in his face as he lifted his arm.

"You're hurting…" I whispered, running my finger over his lips.

"It's not too bad."

"Are you kicking ass and taking names? Cause if not I might fire you from the boyfriend position."

"I think so. But I've never felt so out of shape in my life." He smiled. "I'm sorry I haven't called. I literally…don't even have the energy to breathe lately. I was just happy Captain Webber released Emmett and I early today. Poor Jasper is probably still out."

"Why'd they let you out early?" I asked.

He didn't answer, he just leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, slow at first but becoming more and more urgent.

"Go lock the door," he mumbled against my lips.

"Edward you're in no shape to…" He cut me off and ran his tongue along my bottom lip. I sure didn't take a lot of persuading when it came to him. I hopped up and shut the door, clicking the lock into place. I lowered myself back onto the bed and straddled his waist.

"Are you sure? I mean I know you're exhausted…" I mumbled as he reached for my shirt. His fingers slid effortlessly down my shirt, undoing each button with ease.

"This is the kind of work out I don't mind." He pushed my shirt off my shoulders and beckoned me forward. I leaned down and brushed my lips against his, taking my time to bring his bottom lip between my teeth. He groaned and moved my hips against his. I closed my eyes and reached behind me to unclasp my bra and shimmy it from my shoulders. His hands quickly replaced the fabric, massaging my skin. I unconsciously trailed down his chest and to the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down as far as I could. I reached over to his nightstand and grabbed a condom from his top drawer, quickly slipping it on. His hands drifted down to my hips again and he unbuckled my jeans and slid them down. I kicked my legs a few times and sent them flying onto the floor.

I held my breath and slowly lowered my hips to his, never breaking his emerald eyes from mine. He closed his eyes as his head fell limp from the contact. He slowly sat up and trailed his lips up the middle of my chest and to my neck, devouring the skin there. My fingers found their way to his back as I clung to him, bringing our bodies closer than ever.

"I don't ever want to forget this," he whispered in my ear. I thought I felt a warm drop of liquid hit my shoulder, but I didn't have time to look. He quickly took my lips in his, forcing his tongue into my all too willing mouth.

Something about his voice scared me, but it quickly floated to the back of mind. All that mattered right now was us.

I woke up a few hours later alone. I could hear Edward talking to someone outside of his door, but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying.

I snuck out of bed and reached for the first shirt I could find. I didn't want to eavesdrop but I couldn't help it. My hand paused on the handle just as I was about to open the door.

"Did you tell her?" Emmett asked.

"No." Edward sounded sad. "I'm just waiting for her to wake up." My heart sank. I knew whatever it was it wasn't good. Suddenly those words he said earlier had a lot more significance. I backed up towards the bed, my mind racing. I think I knew what he was going to tell me, but that didn't make it any easier. _Don't fall apart Bella. Be strong for him._

I counted my breaths, trying to focus on something while I waited for him. The door finally opened and I pushed back the tears that had started to form in the corner of my eyes.

"Oh," Edward said, his eyes widening. "I didn't realize you were awake. Have you been up long?" He glanced anxiously out into the hallway and closed the door.

He smiled and sat down on the bed next to me.

"I…um…I." He took my hand and cursed under his breath.

"You have something to tell me." I nodded.

"You heard," he said, taking my hand in his.

I nodded and looked down. "When?"

"Monday."

I felt all the air leave my lungs. That was four days. Less than a week.

"Bella?" Edward hovered close.

"Just give me a second," I said, trying to catch my breath.

He sat back and traced circles on the back of my hand.

"Okay," I said, looking up at him, urging him to continue.

"It's just me and Emmett," he mumbled. "Jasper will be here a little while longer, he still has to go through his complete training. They'd thought we'd be here longer, but…I guess they're short over there. Captain was debating sending us since we've only been back for a week, but I guess they're desperate for anyone with experience right now."

That didn't make me feel any better. "Where are you going?"

"As of right now just to the base. After that I couldn't tell you, and to be honest I can't tell you anyway. Most of that stuff is classified, you know, for our safety."

I nodded and started playing with his fingers.

"We'll have a phone, but I won't get to use it very often. I'll get to check my email and I'll write to you all the time. I promise." He lifted our hands and kissed each one of my fingers. "It's going to break my heart to be that far away from you baby." A single tear slid down his cheek and splashed onto our hands.

I nodded and decided to give into my tears. I'd told him earlier it was okay to be scared and I needed to let myself believe it. I was allowed to be scared for him. It didn't mean that I wasn't proud or that I wasn't strong. I was just scared. Bruised and battered as he was. My wounds just weren't as noticeable to the naked eye.

I pulled myself onto his lap and kissed every inch of him my lips could reach. I felt this new kind of sadness burrow deep within me. How do you let the one person that saved your life in so many ways go and risk his? It was something I would struggle with everyday, until the day he came back to me again.

**A/N: Sad *tear* We'll get through this together everyone! Leave one for me : )**


	34. See You Soon

**A/N: Not much of an a/n, just check out the blog for the playlist and a VERY important announcement regarding me, so please check it out. Also issuing a tissue warning. **

**Edward**

Thanksgiving was ten days ago. Christmas is less than a month away. And in three short days my heart was going to break.

Bella drove home late that night. I almost begged her to just stay, even just on the couch if it would make Charlie feel better. I knew she was trying to hold it together but I knew she was upset. Emmett and I still got up early the next day and went in to training, but got sent home early. Captain Webber had given us the all clear to spend the rest of the weekend with our families before we left bright and early Monday morning.

I drove over to Bella's after dinner to spend some time with her, but she was completely out of it. We lay on the couch and watched television with Charlie for a while, but I don't even think she knew what she was watching. Her eyes stared blankly ahead, blinking only every so often just so she would seem alive. I ran my fingers through her hair as she rested her head on my chest, but my mind was running a million miles a minute. I didn't want it to be like this. I knew it wasn't going to be normal. We were sitting around waiting for me to leave. A part of me wished that they would just come and whisk me away without any notice. I think the knowing is worse than not knowing. The overwhelming feeling of the impending loss was so heavy in the room even Charlie shifted uncomfortably every few minutes. His movements created an awkward sound against the leather chair, but Bella never stirred. She never looked his direction, or laughed at the sound. Nothing. It was like she was a ghost.

I looked down at her and noticed her eyes start to flutter every now and then as she fought to stay awake. I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her temple. "Sweetie why don't you go to sleep?"

"Will you come lay with me until I fall asleep?" She mumbled.

I looked towards Charlie, asking if it was okay. He smiled, almost apologetically, and nodded.

"Of course."

She slowly got up and stretched before immediately reaching for my hand. I followed her upstairs and lay down on her bed. She quickly changed into her pajamas and crawled in beside me as I wrapped the covers around her.

I was never a singer, but I found myself humming her a lullaby while she fell asleep. It didn't take long. I knew she was trying to fight it, but exhaustion finally overtook her. I could have slipped out right then, but I took advantage of this moment because nothing was more beautiful to me than my Bella sleeping.

As midnight approached, I decided I'd stolen enough time with her. Truthfully it would never be enough, especially when you only have so little left, but I had a feeling Charlie was getting antsy. The fact that I used that as my excuse was pretty ironic considering what I was about to do. It wasn't something I'd planned, but as I sat there watching her drown I knew I had to do something. I refused to let our last few days be like this.

The living room was dark when I went downstairs, but I could see a light on in Charlie's office. He must be finishing up some work. I took a deep breath before walking over and knocking lightly on his door.

"Come in," he called.

I stepped inside and he looked up briefly from his paperwork. I smiled and sat down in the chair in front him, trying to compose my thoughts.

"Just spit it out Edward," he finally said.

"I…I want to take Bella away for the rest of the weekend."

I anticipated his outburst but he just kept writing. I took it as a sign that he needed more convincing.

"Charlie I know she's still in high school and I'm not trying to undermine your authority or pull a fast one on you here, I just…I don't want her to sit around here like a zombie waiting to tell me goodbye. I can't let her do that."

He looked up at me and sighed. "Okay."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "Okay?"

"Didn't you hear what I said boy? I said okay. She's my baby girl and I know she's hurting right now. I'm not blind Edward. As long as you get me the information about where you're going and call me when you get there, I think it would be a good thing for her."

I'm pretty sure I was in shock. I thought I was dreaming because there was no way Charlie was telling me that this was okay. But he was.

"Uh….okay. Thanks Charlie." I nodded and got up, leaving Charlie alone in his office.

I got up extra early the next morning to get everything together. I Googled like a fucking crazy man trying to find the perfect place but I knew it as soon as I saw it. It was pure luck that it was available on such short notice. Apparently the people who had rented it this weekend had to leave early for some reason.

I hesitated calling Alice, but I needed some help with this. I wanted it to be a complete surprise, so my plan had to be flawless.

"Cullen, you better have a good reason to be calling me this early," she grumbled.

"Well little one, it involves clothes and a surprise for Bella so I figured you'd be game," I smiled through my own exhaustion.

"Clothes!" She squealed.

"Yes. Now listen very carefully…" I elaborated my plan for the day and she willfully agreed to be my accomplice. I picked her up a half hour later and headed over to Bella's. Alice hid in the back of my car as I parked and went inside. Charlie was already awake, but I knew it was too early for Bella. I crept up the stairs and into her room, smiling when I saw her still sound asleep. I counted to three before leaping onto the bed, careful not to crush her.

She screamed for an instant before realizing it was me. She slapped me gently on the chest and tried to pull the covers closer. "What are you doing?" She grumbled.

"I'm taking you out to breakfast. Let's go." I slapped her behind and jumped out of the bed.

"Why so early?" She yawned.

"Why not?" I shrugged. "Come on."

She argued for a few more minutes, until she was sure she'd put up a good fight. She quickly threw on some sweats and pulled her hair up.

"Well, well…" Charlie laughed as we descended the stairs. "I don't think I've ever seen her up this early."

Bella rolled her eyes at him and walked out the front door. She started towards my car, but I grabbed her arm, not wanting her to see Alice.

"Why don't we take your truck?" I nodded towards the rusty bucket.

"Why?"

"I don't know…change it up a little," I lied. I knew perfectly well why we weren't taking my car. We weren't taking it because it was already loaded up with my things for the next two nights and by the time we got back Alice would have it ready to go with Bella's as well.

I made sure to take my time eating my food. I wanted to give Alice enough time. Knowing her she'd pack Bella's entire closet.

When we got back to the house, I smiled noticing the extra bags in my car. Bella was completely oblivious. Charlie and Alice were sitting in the kitchen having a cup of coffee when we walked in. Bella seemed obviously surprised to see her there, but she just smiled and joined them at the table. I found everyone's eyes wander to Bella, anticipating what was coming next.

"What's going on?" Bella finally asked, noticing everyone was looking at her.

"It's a surprise!" Alice yelled.

"For me?" She asked, softly. Alice nodded. "From who?" Alice smirked my way. Bella turned towards me. "What is it?" Her voice was so lifeless. I prayed to God that this would help.

"Well if I told you the surprise before you get it, it wouldn't be a surprise would it?" I winked. "But we do have to get going."

Bella looked towards Charlie for approval. "Have a good time," he said, waving his hand towards the door. She smiled meekly and kissed his cheek before starting towards the door.

I quickly darted towards Alice. "Did you have time to run into town and get it?" I said softly.

"Of course I did." She seemed almost disgusted that I would doubt her. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a small pouch. I took it from her and discreetly put it in mine. "Thanks Alice. For everything."

"Have a good time. I'll see you Monday morning?"

"You're coming?"

"Of course. I'm Bella's best friend. And I guess I think you're pretty okay so I should probably see you off." She smiled and pushed me out the door.

I took one more look at the map and then we were off. Bella's hand instantly found mine as soon as it was free. She turned her head towards me and watched me as I drove.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just…watching you."

"Okay," I laughed. "What's your assessment?"

"Most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she whispered.

I cleared my throat, trying to choke back the emotion her words made me feel. I knew we needed this, but it was still going to be hard. At some point, I knew one or both of us was going to lose it. And we'd be there for each other as our world tumbled down around us.

I turned on the radio and Bella eventually drifted off to sleep. I knew she hadn't been sleeping well. Charlie said he'd found her both nights down in the living room watching television at three in the morning.

My thumb traced small circles on her hand as I looked up at the sky. Something about the clouds looked different. Not threatening, just different. I looked around at the bare, dull grass and wondered when it was finally going to snow. I hoped she'd have snow for Christmas. I remember her saying one time that ever since she'd moved here she couldn't imagine Christmas without it.

The ride only lasted a couple of hours. I double-checked the address again before pulling onto a hidden driveway just off the highway. It twisted and turned back, winding deeper into the woods. A small cabin suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It reminded me of those ones you see in paintings, almost like a moment of happiness captured in a picture.

I put the car in park and just stared for a few moments, taking it all in. It was absolutely perfect. I couldn't bear to wake Bella up so I cautiously carried her inside and right to the bedroom. She was so deep that she didn't even stir. I went out to the car and brought the rest of our things inside before deciding to join her for a nap.

I snuggled into the bed next to her and traced my finger down the middle of her forehead to the tip of her nose as I drifted off. A while later I registered some movement beside me, but I wasn't quite ready to open my eyes.

"Why are you getting out of bed?" I whispered.

"Where are we?" She said, her voice thick with sleep.

I finally opened one eye and smiled. "Do you like it?"

Her eyes danced around the room, which I had to admit was very rustic. She took in the elaborate wood detailing and intricate fireplace situated in the corner before turning towards me. "It's beautiful, but…I don't understand what are we doing here?" She lay back down and snuggled close to me.

"I rented it for us. Until Monday." I cleared my throat and started playing with her fingers.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I thought we needed some time alone."

"But don't you want to spend your last days with your family?"

"Bella you're a part of my family. And they understand."

"So we're alone for the rest of the weekend?" A hint of a smile escaped onto her face.

"Yeah. I mean if that's okay with you?"

She nodded and buried her head into my chest. My stomach grumbled as I contorted my body to look at the clock beside the bed. It was almost five o'clock. We'd slept the day away.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"I guess a little bit."

"Alright let's go see what we have to work with."

We both slithered out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. The lady had told me it should be fully stocked, so we should have everything we need to make a decent meal. Bella pulled out some vegetables and started cooking them on the stove. I remembered seeing a grill outside so I got some chicken out and went outside to get them going. I shivered as I waited for the grill to heat up. It was definitely getting a lot colder.

Bella finished with the vegetables as I brought in the chicken. It would have almost felt normal if there wasn't the huge invisible elephant in the room. Bella mechanically put out some place settings and set the bowls of vegetables on the table. I set a piece of chicken on her plate as she sat down and she offered me a smile, nothing more. I sat down beside her and we started to eat in silence. I stole glances at her after every bite, but she was completely focused on her food.

"What's on your mind baby?" I said softly, sitting back in my chair and placing my hands over my full stomach.

She shrugged and pushed her food around on her plate. I sighed and shook my head.

"You know it just makes it worse not talking about it," I said.

"I highly doubt it could get any worse," she mumbled.

I threw down my fork, feeling a hint of anger deep down inside me. "What do you want me to do Bella? I'm trying to make this easier for you and you're not….you're just not helping. At all."

"You really think anything could make this easier for me?!" She glared and shook her head.

"What do you want me to do?" I repeated slowly. "What?"

"Nothing. I don't want you to do anything." She scooted her chair back and darted into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Shit," I whispered to myself. This is turning out to be a great idea.

I decided to give her some time alone. I knew her well enough by now that sometimes it was what she needed. I took care of the rest of the food and even washed the dishes before I decided to venture towards the bedroom.

I knocked softly but she didn't answer so I went inside anyway. She sat on the edge of the bed kicking her feet as she played with a strand of her hair.

I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms. "Why can't you talk to me?"

"Because I'm angry." She sniffled. "I'm so angry I could just….scream."

"Well why the hell don't you? I brought you here to try and get you away from all the shit waiting for us at home. And here it is ruining everything." I sauntered over to the fireplace and lit some of the kindling. "I know it's not going to go away Bella but if you need to do something, do it. If you need to scream, scream."

"I can't…" She shook her head.

"You don't think I want to just scream sometimes? You don't think I want to let it all out?" I stood up and deliberately walked out of the bedroom. I marched across the living room and threw open the front door. As I stepped out into the darkness I let out a scream, so deep and so penetrating it hurt my throat. And I did it again and again.

I felt her step up behind me. "Edward?" She said, placing her hand on my back.

"Do it Bella."

She cleared her throat and stepped forward.

"Take everything you're feeling, every little bit of anger and scream it. Just let go," I said.

Her eyes darted from side to side before screaming out into the darkness. I watched as she doubled over, yelling out again. It felt timeless, like we could have been out there a minute, an hour, a day. She finally composed herself and turned towards me, wiping a tear away from her cheek. She nodded and I put my arm around her shoulders, leading us back inside.

"I'm going to take a shower," she said, smiling slightly.

I sighed as we walked into the bedroom. She started rummaging through her bag as I grabbed a book off the shelf and sat down on the floor to tend to the fire. I heard the shower eventually start and I lounged in front of the flames, feeling its heat start to warm up my body from being outside. I was so engrossed my in book that I didn't even hear her come back in.

I jumped as she threw her things down on her bag. I closed my book and smiled. She wore one of those big fluffy white robes, the kinds you see in fancy hotels.

"This was in the bathroom, I hope its okay to use it." She wrapped her arms around herself and started towards me. She knelt down in front of me and started anxiously fidgeting with her hands. "Listen I'm sorry about how I've been acting I just…I thought I knew how to handle this and I don't."

"It's okay." I brushed a piece of damp hair away from her face and leaned in to press my lips to hers. "It's okay," I mumbled again against her skin. She parted her lips and allowed me inside as I ached to get a taste of her.

Her fingers tangled in my hair as she held me to her, refusing to let me leave her. I instinctively moved closer, claiming my territory and pushing her gently down on the floor. My hand slowly inched down from her face to her collarbone as I sucked on her bottom lip. I fingered along the opening of her robe, feeling the soft fabric beneath my fingers. I slipped inside, gently pulling the robe away from her skin. I could still feel the dampness of the shower lingering.

I pulled back, reaching over my shoulder to pull my shirt off and became completely entranced by her bare body laid out before me in the glow of the fireplace. Small droplets of water remained, glistening across her skin as the flicker of the fire danced over her. I stood up and quickly slipped off my pants before kneeling back down in front of her. She instantly reached for my dog tags and pulled me roughly towards her. I ducked beside her lips and kissed down her jaw.

"Edward," she whispered, grinding her hips against mine.

"Not yet…" I growled. My lips traveled down her neck and across her chest, taking my time on each side. Her hands grabbed my hair and pushed me down further. My tongue swirled around her stomach, just below her bellybutton. I smiled against her skin as a shiver ran through her body. "Do I do that to you?" I whispered.

She whimpered and nodded her head fiercely.

"What about if I touch you…here?" I curled my hand around her knee and scooted down to kiss her there.

"Yes," she breathed.

"And here?" I slid my hand up further and placed a kiss on her inner thigh.

I smirked as she bit down on her lip.

"And….here?" I ran my fingers along her center before diving in, covering her with kisses.

She whimpered and slammed her fist down on the floor.

I slid up her body as she wrapped her legs tightly around me. Her fingernails dug down my shoulders as she clung to me. I was pretty sure that she'd scratched me up good, but honestly I love being marked by her. Claimed as hers. I'd wear them proudly.

I finally grasped firmly onto her hips and lifted them up and I slid myself painstakingly slow into her. I tried to concentrate on all the little shifts her face made with my movements, committing each one to memory. My favorite was when something surprised her. Her lips created the perfect pouty circle as she clenched her eyes shut. And then a few moments later, after the shock wore off, her face relaxed into this smirk and she laughed a little under her breath. It was fascinating.

I leaned down and kissed her roughly, sliding my tongue along her lips. My dog tags fell with a thud against her skin, landing right on the left side of her chest. Right over her heart.

"I love you, so much," I said as my breathing started to grow ragged.

"Forever," she nodded back and tried to maintain her composure. I increased my movements, knowing we were both close. I hovered above her, placing my forearms on either side of her head as I watched her come undone. Her cheeks went flush as she cried out. I almost collapsed on top of her, but I managed to hold myself up as I let go.

Tears started flowing down my cheeks and onto her shoulder as my breathing slowed. I made a move to roll over but she grabbed hold of me and kept me there.

"Can we just….stay like this for a minute?" She reached up to wipe my tears away as her own escaped from her eyes.

I pressed my forehead to hers and nodded. "I wish we could stay like this forever."

She started sobbing more and more as the moments passed and I wasn't ashamed to join her. And then we were just silent. It was strange how with Bella we could have a complete conversation without any words. I knew exactly what she was saying just by looking into her eyes.

A few minutes later she started laughing. It was a low chuckle at first, but slowly gained momentum.

"What is it?"

"I just….I have to pee….really, really bad. But I don't want to go." She smiled and laughed again. "Kind of like when you're so comfortable in your bed in the morning but you have to get up or your bladder is going to burst."

I smiled and leaned down to kiss her before rolling over, freeing her from my weight. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

I glanced over at my pants, knowing what was in the back pocket. I didn't have any elaborate plans to give it to her, but it just felt right. I got up and quickly pulled some sweatpants on before grabbing the little pouch out of my back pocket. I snuck a quick peak inside before Bella returned.

"What's that?" She asked, reaching for her robe again.

"I got you something." I smiled and watched as her eyes drifted to the pouch. "Come and sit with me." I sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to me. "I didn't want to leave without you understanding something. And I know that you don't need something….material to prove how much I love you, but I like getting you things so." I reached inside and fumbled for the small piece of jewelry.

Her breath hitched in her throat and I knew exactly what she was thinking. "Edward, you really don't have to pro….pose…" Her voice drifted off as I pulled the ring out of the bag. "Is that a mood ring?"

"Yes it is. I want you to have some kind of….representation of us." I shrugged and took her hand, placing the ring on her finger. She held it up close to her eye, examining it.

"It's blue." She smiled. "What does that mean?"

"Happy." I smiled as she looked at it again. "You thought it was an engagement ring didn't you?" I mumbled.

She nodded her head softly, looking embarrassed.

"Bella I have every intention of marrying you someday. And I'm not saying that to be cheesy or over dramatic. I'm just saying it because it's true. I'm going to marry you someday. But I wouldn't ever want you to think I was proposing because I was leaving. I'm going to do it when it's right for us."

She nodded in understanding. "Well I'm just letting you know in advance that I'm saying yes."

"Okay good." I leaned forward and kissed her. "Are you ready for bed?"

She nodded and scooted up the bed and under the covers. I tended to the fire for a few minutes and went to lock up before joining her. I snuggled up close to her and we both drifted off to sleep, completely oblivious to the outside world.

**Bella**

"Bella, wake up…" Edward whispered. I felt his palm softly caress my jaw. "I promise you that if you open your eyes right now, you'll be the happiest person in the world."

I slowly opened my eyes and smiled when I saw his face. "Good thing you kept your promise."

"That's not what I meant. Look outside." He nodded behind me towards the window. The curtains were drawn but it looked unbelievably bright behind them. My shaky feet fumbled across the cold floor and threw open the fabric.

"It snowed," I said smiling. "There's snow!" I looked out the window again. Everything I could see was covered in sparkling white snow. "Can we go play?"

"Absofuckinglutely. Go get dressed." He laughed and jumped out of bed. I ran to my bag and grabbed all the warm clothes I could find. I piled on about three shirts and a big, comfy sweatshirt. Edward appeared a few minutes later fully dressed with hat, gloves and scarf in tow.

He placed the hat on top of my head and handed me the gloves as he draped the scarf around me. "Let's go."

We started outside and I was completely captivated by everything. I jumped out into it and looked around.

"Gosh isn't this just so beautiful." I turned back towards Edward and was promptly hit with a large snowball square in the chest. "Ouch! You hit my boob!" I yelled as I bent down to grab some snow and get him back.

"I guess I'll just have to rub it later!" He stuck his tongue out and darted around the house.

"Oh you think you can run sir, but you are quite wrong," I whispered to myself as I crept around the house. I turned one corner and then another, always ready with my ammo. I walked around that whole damn house and didn't see him once. There weren't even any footprints. "Edward?" I called as I came to the front again. I let my guard down for one second and was quickly tackled from behind. Edward and I tumbled to the ground and he landed clear on top of me.

"Gotcha," he smiled.

I laughed right back as I lifted my snowball that had somehow managed to remain intact. I slammed it down on his head and watched it crumbled over him. "Gotcha," I teased.

He got on his feet and pulled me up with him. For the next couple of hours we made a snow fort and snowmen. One for me and one for Edward. For some reason my top two globes didn't want to stay and ended up falling on the ground making me look like I was bending over in front of him. Edward wanted to fix it but I told him to leave it. I thought it was hilarious.

We had a great day together, plain and simple. But as the night started creep in so did all my fears and insecurities. Even though he was trying to hide it, I know Edward felt it too. We tried to make conversation during dinner, but it felt forced. It wasn't forced in the way that we didn't have anything to say to each other; I think it was the opposite. Tomorrow was going to change our lives and we had so much to say to each other. Neither of us knew how to even express it in words.

I lay across Edward's lap later that night as he read a book. It felt weird. Almost like we were just waiting for the sun to rise.

I started getting more and more anxious as the minutes ticked by. Edward finally got off the bed and turned the clock around. "You are not allowed to look at the clock anymore tonight," he smiled. "We should probably go to bed soon though, we have an…early start tomorrow." He cleared his throat and got back into bed. We both got under the covers and turned towards each other.

I felt sleep start to stalk me but I refused to give in. Tonight was my night with him. I wouldn't let anything take that away from me.

"You're tired, you should…"

"Don't tell me to go to sleep Edward," I said. "You tell me that all the fucking time and I listen to you, but...you aren't allowed to tell me that tonight okay?"

"Okay," he sighed.

I stared at his face, memorizing every line even though I already knew it by heart. This is my happy place. Right here.

"Edward what's your happy place?"

"What?"

"What's your happy place? You know when you're feeling sad or upset, where's that one place you go in your head to make everything okay again?"

He smiled and pressed his lips to mine. "The meadow. With you."

We stayed up al night just watching each other. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much before they even left.

When I saw the sky start to lighten I tried to tell myself I was seeing things. I lied. I made up any excuse as to why the sun was coming up, other than the truth. It was almost morning. Edward turned over and spun the clock back around. "We have to go soon," he whispered. I nodded mechanically and got up. I started packing up all my things, but didn't bother getting dressed. There was no way I was making it to school today. My mind was going to be everywhere else but in class.

Edward emerged from the bathroom already wearing his uniform. I guess we were going straight there.

He packed up our things and we stood out at the car for a long time looking back at the cabin, trying to savor the last few moments we had here.

For the first time in my life, I wanted the car ride to last forever. With each mile I felt the panic start to rise more and more in my stomach.

"Edward you need to pull over." I mumbled, trying to hold back the vomit.

He quickly pulled over to the side of the road just in time for me to whip the door open and lay it on the roadside grass. He leaned over, held my hair and started rubbing my back. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't be sorry baby." He waited a few moments before starting on the road again. He looked so guilty but I didn't blame him for all this. The only thing I blamed him for was making me fall in love with him. And I would never punish him for that because it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

He pulled into the recruitment office. The parking lot was completely full of people and cars. I noticed a larger Hummer-looking car in the corner. That must be what they're driving. I spotted Esme and Carlisle standing next to Rose and Emmett. I've never seen Rose look so scattered. She was always so strong, so put together. She grasped anxiously onto Emmett's hand as he spoke with Carlisle.

Edward parked the car and offered a slight smile my way as he got out. He grabbed his duffel from the back and we started towards his family. Esme gave both of us a hug and asked how our weekend went. I barely heard any of it. It was like everything was muffled. Like I wasn't there. All I could feel was the warmth of Edward's hand in mine.

"Bella!" Alice called. She jumped out of her car and came running towards us. I knew that looked on her face. Pity. The sad part was that she'd be going through this soon. And I'd be there for her just like she's here for me. "Hi Handsome." She perked up on her tiptoes and gave Edward a kiss on the cheek.

"Alright boys!" A voice boomed from over by the truck. "It's time."

I stopped breathing so long that I felt my head start to spin. Edward let go of my hand briefly to hug his father, Esme and Rose. Emmett grabbed me in a big bear hug and swung me around. "Don't worry Little Swan. I'll look after him," he whispered.

Carlisle and Esme stood back and gave us a moment of privacy.

Edward smiled and pulled me into his arms. He reached behind me and slipped something into my back pocket.

"I took the liberty of writing the first letter…" He whispered kissing my forehead. He put his finger under my chin and tilted it up so he could press his lips to mine. "I love you."

"I love you."

"Last call boys!" The voice boomed again. I felt myself start to fall apart.

"Keep your eyes closed," he said, his voice cracking a little as he took my hand. He leaned in close to my ear. "I'll see you soon. Keep them closed." He kissed my cheek. The warm enveloping feeling of his hand around mine disappeared and was quickly replaced by a cold, small one.

My shoulders started to heave up and down as the tears started slipping down my cheeks. I wanted so badly to open my eyes, but I didn't. He didn't want me to watch him walk away. I heard the rumble of the truck and then a few moments later it started fading away. It was quickly replaced by eerie silence, interrupted every now and then by sniffles from around me.

I finally opened my eyes and they desperately searched for him, even though I knew he wasn't there. Alice's hand tightened around mine as she pulled me closer. She held me as I cried for endless minutes. Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie gave me sympathetic looks as they passed. I saw Carlisle get into Edward's car and drive away with the last piece of him that was left here.

"Let me take you home sweetie," Alice rubbed my back. She pulled me to her car and sat me inside.

An instant later we were back at my house. My dad's cruiser was in the driveway, along with my truck. Alice walked me up to the door and gave me one last hug, telling me to call her if I needed anything.

Charlie opened the door just as Alice turned to leave. I know he felt terrible, I could see it across his face. And I wasn't ready to see it. I turned and bolted, running around the corner of the house, down the steps and towards the woods. I didn't care that it was freezing, or that there was a foot of snow on the ground. I needed to find his happy place, because I knew that wherever he was right now I could always find him there.

As soon as I hit the meadow I dropped to my knees and sobbed into my hands. I remembered the letter and reached into my back pocket. I pulled it out and fumbled opening the page.

_My Bella,_

_I knew I'd have to write this letter eventually but it doesn't make it any easier. I still don't know what to say. You have changed my life in every way and I will forever be indebted to you for that. I know this will be one of the hardest things we ever do, but I know we can make it. You want to know how I know? Because of you. You are the strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met and I can't wait to come back to you. I don't want you to worry about me; I'll promise I'll keep breathing as long as you do the same. Whenever things seem too hard or you're sad or upset just remember to breathe. Just breathe baby. I love you._

_Edward_

I read it once more before I tucked it back in the envelope. I lay back, not caring about the cold snow surrounding me.

"Just breathe baby," I heard him whispered. "Just breathe." I concentrated on his voice inside my head and did as he said. It seemed like something so simple. Just breathe. You never realize how complicated it can be.

I finally got up and started slowly back towards the house. Charlie was sitting in the chair in the living room reading a paper. He looked up as I walked in and set the paper down. "Come here baby." He opened his arms to me and I rushed over to him, pulling myself onto his lap. He didn't care that I was sopping wet or cold. He just held me and told me everything was going to be okay. And I just had to trust him.

**A/N: I know some of you think I like to make you guys cry, so I just wanted to let you know that I was a sobbing mess during this chapter. It was incredibly tough to write, but I know so many people actually go through this all the time and I am so in awe of them. *HUGS***

**Leave me one : )  
**


	35. Girls Night

**A/N: I apologize in advance for this long a/n. **

**First of all, I don't say it enough but thank you to my prereaders, you guys are awesome. And if you haven't already check out secamimom's story Healing the Divide.**

**Secondly, these next chapters are going to jump in time quite a bit. It's not because I'm trying to skip through everything, its just how I've always planned on it. And plus it'd be pretty monotonous otherwise so I'm highlighting mostly important events. **

**Thirdly, Code of Conduct was featured on a great blog for Twilight Fanfic reccs, so I'd love for you to check it out and give your support to them. It's a great site with a great review and even an interview with me. Thanks Mr. Green ; ) picffcorner(dot)blogspot(dot)com(slash)2010(slash)04(slash)mr-green-gets-code-of-conduct-with(dot)html**

**Lastly, I have been busy working on some blogs for my upcoming projects so if you want a little taste of what's next for me check out The Mat blog at www(dot)thematfanfiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com and an exclusive teaser from my brand new story Game, Set, Match at www(dot)gamesetmatchfanfiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Edward**

My entire body was exhausted, so much so that I valued every minute of sleep I could get. Needless to say I was less than thrilled when I heard someone call my name, interrupting my nap.

"Cullen!"

I clenched my eyes tight and cursed silently under my breath.

"Cullen where are you?!" He called again.

"Fuck can't I get a decent nap in without someone bothering me?" I shot up out of my cot and looked around. Jimmy, another lieutenant in my unit, poked his head inside the room. I glared at him and shook my head. "What?"

"You have some mail." He held up an envelope and my mood instantly lightened. Mail was probably the one thing that I wouldn't mind interrupting my nap. Mail meant that I got a little piece of at least one of the two most important women in my life. I got a letter from Esme yesterday so my gut told me it was from Bella.

I ran my fingers through my hair and jumped up, leaping across the room with a goofy smile on my face.

"Sorry Jimmy I'm just…it's been a long couple of days." I slapped his shoulder apologetically.

"No problem. I know how you feel." He smiled and gave me some privacy, knowing I wanted to be alone with her. I sat back down on my cot and leaned against the wall, letting my head lull back. My finger ran across the top of the envelope, anxious to get inside.

I pulled out the pages and pages of paper, smiling even more when I saw her handwriting.

_Edward,_

_ It's strange to think it's already the middle of February and you've been gone from me for so long. I received your second letter the day after Christmas and it couldn't have been a better belated present. Charlie bought me a brand new laptop. I finally have a webcam so next time you have access to the computer there we can try and chat. I can't wait to see your face, just to know that you're all right. Charlie really loved your gift, even though he protested that a new television was way too expensive. Carlisle and Esme brought it over Christmas morning and ended up staying for lunch. They seem to be doing well. Esme and I have dinner once a week and always seem to end up talking about you. She misses you and Emmett a lot but Rosalie and I try to keep her occupied as much as possible. _

_ We went over to Jacob and Billy's for New Years. Charlie actually brought a date, can you believe it? I was convinced that my father was going to be a lifelong bachelor but he never ceases to surprise me. Sue is really nice, but I just never expected it. Jacob and I had to look away at midnight just in case they decided to kiss. By the way, thank you, for Jacob. He stopped by the day after you left to "check on me" on your orders. Thank you for understanding our friendship. He's been amazing these last couple of months. Alice and Rosalie are always there if I need them, but sometimes I need some time away from all the girly things. He wanted me to tell you hello and that you better come back or else he was going to try and win me back. I told him it would never happen and I'd cut his balls off if he ever tried anything. _

_ I started school again. I hate it…again. But I'm doing fairly well. Charlie keeps pressuring me to apply for college, but something doesn't feel right. I know there are a few that have late application deadlines but I just can't pull myself to fill anything out. It's not that I'm lazy or want to become a professional couch potato after I graduate, but something about college just doesn't feel like me. Who knows, maybe I'll just go for a year until I find my calling, whatever that may be. Alice has decided to go fashion school. I always knew she would and she definitely has the talent for it, its just going to be hard to be away from her. _

_ I started taking a boxing class at the local gym, so the next time I see you I'll be just as buff as you. It's an introductory class and they're amazed at how quickly I'm catching on. They have no idea I had my own personal trainer for a few months and I love looking like the honors student. _

_ People are already talking about prom and it makes me want to vomit and punch them in the face. It's the week before graduation and Alice already wants to go dress shopping. I told her I'm not going, but she refuses to let me sit out on "a high school girl's right of passage" or something. There's no way I could stand all that without you. Maybe I'll get dressed up anyway and send you a picture. _

_ Jasper is shipping out soon. I don't know where he's going or if he'll be where you are but I hope he is. Look after him for Alice, she's been worrying herself sick about him. _

_ I wish I had more to write, but I've run out of words so I'll leave you with this. I think of you every moment and pray that you are safe. I feel like a part of my heart is missing and I know it's because its with you, wherever you are. Just know that I love you and that I'm missing you like crazy baby. And if you get this before then, Happy Valentine's Day._

_Bella_

I smiled at the small heart drawn next to her name and read through her words again, laughing a little under my breath when I read the date on the calendar. February 14th. Valentine's Day. I felt like so many things were happening for her and I was missing them. I felt so distant from her life, almost like I was looking at it through a snow globe or something. It was moments like these that kept me going, moments where for one day I felt like I was there. I smiled and pinned her letter up on the wall, next to her first one and her and Charlie's Christmas card.

There was soft knock on the door and Emmett peaked his head in. "Hey can I come in or are you still spending some time with Bella?"

"No come in." I waved him inside.

"So how are you feeling?"

"I'm still exhausted."

"I hear they've had you on guard shifts all week. That's brutal man."

I nodded and lay back down on my cot. Emmett did the same on the cot beside me.

"Have you heard from Rose?"

"Yeah I got a letter from her about a week ago I think…" He laughed happily under his breath.

"We're so whipped man. I feel like I'm on cloud nine right now."

"Yep." He stared up at the ceiling.

The door suddenly opened and Captain Yorkie stepped in without warning. Emmett and I both jumped up to attention.

"At ease boys. I just wanted to let you know you'll be getting a new roommate today. He'll be here in a few minutes. Also please come see me in my office after dinner. I have some new assignments for you." He gave us a hard stare and turned around, leaving us alone in our room again.

"A new roommate?" Emmett said, his nose turning up in disgust.

"Yeah I guess that means you'll have to control your gas Em," I laughed.

"Oh shit, I told them not to stick me with you too…" Someone called from the doorway. My head shot around towards the familiar voice and smiled when I saw Jasper standing there with a wide grin on his face.

"Jazz?" Emmett called. He jumped up from his cot and bounded across the floor, tackling Jasper to the ground. I quickly followed and ended up pinning Jasper to the floor while Emmett gave him a wet willie.

We finally let him go after he screamed "uncle" a few times. I swear that he was like the brother we never had.

Jasper unpacked all of his things and told us all about his basic training. Sounded like he had it a lot rougher than we did the first time through. He seemed a little reluctant to talk about Alice, I knew it was hard for him to be away from her and I didn't want to press it.

We all decided to head to the gym to workout for a little bit before dinner. That's the thing about being on base, there isn't much to do when you aren't doing something. I know that makes no sense but its true. When you aren't sleeping or eating or on duty for something there is absolutely nothing. Video games and movies get old after the first hundred times, so working out is pretty much the only thing you can do to keep yourself occupied. I knew once we actually got sent out I'd be begging to come back here, but for right now I was itching to do something except stare at the wall. I'd prefer to be back home with the beautiful brunette who owned me completely, but since we were halfway around the world from one another I had to make due with the small picture I had of her.

Dinner was fine. Most people would be surprised to find that the food here isn't actually that bad, but again it was the monotony of it all. It made me hunger for Bella and her amazing cooking.

Jasper left Emmett and I at Captain Yorkie's office after dinner and went back to the room. We knocked lightly on his door and waited.

"Come on in.," he called.

We stepped inside and saluted him as he stood. And then he said the words that we'd been expecting since we got here.

"We're sending you out tomorrow." He was so calm, so nonchalant about it. Like it was no big deal. "Pack up your things, I don't know when you'll be back here. Shouldn't be more than a month. And uh…feel free to use the phone later if you would like to call your family." He nodded, a sign of dismissal. We headed out of the office and went straight back to the room to tell Jasper the news.

"Damnit I just got here and you guys are already leaving," he sighed.

"We'll be back. Captain said we shouldn't be gone for more than a month. Hell, who knows maybe they'll end up sending you out with us in a few weeks. We hear you were quite the superstar of your unit." Emmett laughed and elbowed him in the ribs.

We went to bed relatively early so we could get up extra early to use the phone. The time difference was about 12 hours or so. The alarm went off at about 5:30 and Emmett hopped up. Jasper sat up and looked around.

"I'm going to go call Rose and mom." He headed out the door, leaving Jasper and I alone.

I fidgeted nervously with my fingers in the dark, wondering if I should even bring up the girls. I didn't want to make him sad, but I needed to know.

"Um Jasper," I cleared my throat. "Is…is Bella as okay as she seems in her letters? I mean I know you didn't get to see her much before you left, but I just…you know." I shrugged.

"I mean she misses you Edward. You can see it in her eyes. There's this kind of sadness in them and I know its because you aren't there. But the way she talks about you…" He laughed under his breath. "She's so proud of you man. And she's really doing great from what I can tell."

I let out the breath I'd been holding and closed my eyes. I didn't open them again until I heard the door open again.

"You're up Edward." He nodded and I felt the butterflies start to pop up in my stomach. I was going to actually hear her voice for the first time since I'd been gone and for some reason I was a little nervous. "Apparently they're having a slumber party with Esme at the house. Be forewarned."

I laughed a little under my breath and headed towards the main office. I gave the guy at the desk my name and he led me back into a smaller room. The phone sat in the middle of the table. It looked like such a simple little thing, but it was so much more than that. It was my connection. It was everything.

My hands shook as I picked it up. I could barely dial the numbers I was so anxious. I sighed as it started ringing. Once. Twice. Three times. I was almost scared it was going to go to voicemail, but then I heard the most beautiful sound in my world.

"Hello?"

**Bella**

I stood at the window tapping my foot anxiously as I waited for the mailman to drive up. He was usually here at 3:04 and it was almost 3:20. He must be running late.

"Bella you standing there staring at the road will not make him come faster," Charlie scolded.

"I know I just…I can't just sit in my room. I'll go crazy."

"How long has it been?"

"Two weeks." My heart stopped when I saw something coming up the road.

"Honey you know how long it takes letters to get back and forth from over there."

"I know." I kept my eyes trained on the small little car coming towards us. I smiled when I could finally read "U.S. Postal Service" in big navy letters. I bolted towards the door and started down the driveway. I just made it to the end as he was pulling away. I gripped onto the lid of the mailbox and held my breath as I yanked it open. I grabbed the hunk of mail and started back towards the house. As soon as I got inside I threw it down on the floor of the foyer and sat down to rummage through them. I was like a kid in a candy store looking for my favorite kind.

Bills. Ads. Crap. Crap. Crap. My heart sank as I realized there was nothing from Edward. I guess I was hoping that since it was Valentine's Day Cupid would grant me a little favor and bring me a little something from him. Charlie must have noticed my change in attitude.

"I'm sorry honey." He bent down and kissed my head. "Do you want me to stay home with you tonight?"

"No, Dad. Don't be ridiculous." I shook my head. "You go have a good time with Sue. I think I'm going to Alice's anyway." I was only telling part of the truth. I was planning on going to Alice's with Rose, but we were also planning on getting drunk. And Alice wasn't quite aware of our plans yet. She'd been pretty down since Jasper left a few days ago so Rose and I planned to kidnap her and force her to have some fun. If we had to be alone on Valentine's Day we wanted to be all warm and fuzzy with mounds of chocolate in front of us.

Charlie and Sue were going up to Seattle for the night. It was kind of weird that my dad actually had a steady girlfriend, but Sue was really nice. I'm glad they were going away to do whatever they were going to do. I liked Sue, but not enough to be okay with her having sex with my dad in my house. It made me want to vomit up that sandwich I'd just eaten.

"Call me if you need anything sweetheart…" Charlie offered a wave as he walked out the door.

"Will do." I picked up all the scattered mail off the floor and set it in a pile on the table. Rose was coming to get me before we went to Alice's place. We were going to take her with us to the store so she could help us pick out the merchandise.

I ran upstairs to get my bag and came back down just as Rose was pulling up. She honked a couple of times and I locked up the house as I went out to meet her.

"Hey," I said, opening my door and throwing my bag in the back.

"Hi." Rose smiled and started down the driveway. "You think she's going to come easily?" She raised her eyebrow.

"I don't know. Her mom says she hasn't really left her room since he left. Just to eat and use the bathroom. She needs an intervention." I nodded my head as we drove to Alice's place. I'm sure her mother wouldn't be too pleased that her intervention involved secretly drinking in her daughter's room. After a couple drinks it probably wouldn't be such a secret, but we probably wouldn't care by then.

We pulled into Alice's place and I walked right in. We weren't really knocking people. I've been best friends with her practically my entire life. My house was her house and her house was my house.

"Hey Mary!" I called to her mother as I started up the stairs.

"Hey Bella honey. How are you?"

"Good!" I stomped up the last couple of steps and walked into Alice's room. She was sprawled out across the bed, Kleenex littered all around her. Her hood was up over her head, completely shielding her face from view.

"Oh Al…" I sighed, plopping myself on her bed. I placed my hand on her back and lay down next to her. "We're surprising you," I whispered.

She sniffled and turned her face towards me. Her cheeks were tear stained and flushed.

"No more tears…" I wiped at her eyes. "Let's go have fun."

"I don't want to go out Bella…" She shook her head.

"Alice get off the bed right now," Rose said. "Now you're going to have fun whether you like it or not." Rose came up behind Alice and tickled her feet.

"Stop!" Alice whined.

"Nope. Not stopping until you get up and come with us." Rose continued her attack until Alice finally couldn't hold in her laughter.

"Okay fine. But I'm not promising anything." She held up her finger and scooted closer to the edge of the bed. Rose and I wrapped our arms around her for a short moment before pulling her up and towards the door.

We went right to the grocery store and started loading up our cart with candy and sweets. We saved the liquor for last. Rose was going to have to buy it for us. We perused along the aisle, careful not to let the employees see Alice and I with her. They knew us well enough to know we were underage.

We picked out some vodka and some whiskey for me. I was sure we were caught when someone cleared their throat beside us. I turned and was surprised to see Esme standing beside us.

"Hello girls…" She smiled.

"Mrs. Cullen," Alice squeaked.

Esme eyed the liquor in our hands and crossed her arms. "Hand it over."

We sighed and handed over what we had. I guess we'd have to go to another store. Even though Rose was old enough, Esme would probably tell the store clerks about us. I loved her but that woman was as straight as they come. Esme took the bottles in her arms, turned around and said the last thing I ever expected to come out of her mouth.

"I'll get these. Meet me back at my house. We'll have a girls night." She smiled slightly as all of our jaws hit the floor. "What? Did you really think I was that much of a prude? I was young once too." She started towards the register and left us all still in shock. We stood behind her with our stuff as she made her purchases, surprising us all when she asked for a pack of cigarettes as well.

Rosalie, Alice and I split the cost of everything we bought and piled into the car. I called my dad on the way and told him I was staying at the Cullen's instead of Alice's. It wasn't that unusual with how close I'd become with Esme. Apparently not enough to know that she was a complete badass underneath that exterior, but we were close.

Rose drove quickly over to the Cullen's place and we arrived just as it was starting to get dark. Dr. Cullen's car wasn't in the driveway. I guess I was surprised that they didn't have Valentine's Day plans. I thought she had mentioned something about going away for the weekend.

Esme was already grabbing glasses out of the kitchen. She set them, along with the liquor on a tray and started upstairs. I kinked a questioning eyebrow at her choice of venue.

"Carlisle will kill me if he smells smoke down here. We'll have to go in Edward or Emmett's room." My chest tightened a little at the mention of that. I'd been over here plenty of times since he's left, but I always avoid that room. Rosalie must have sensed my tension.

"Let's go to Em's room," she smiled.

I followed all of them up the stairs and towards Emmett's room. They all filed in before me and I was left standing alone out in the hallway, my eyes fixed on the door at the end.

"Bella?" Rosalie called as I took a few steps towards it.

"Just…give me a few minutes okay?" I took a few more deliberate steps towards his room. I knew this was a bad idea, but I couldn't stay away. His room was so…him in every way. It would be nice to have a little extra piece of him. I hesitantly pushed the door open and walked inside.

I smiled as I took in his things, sitting there waiting for him almost like he was just out at the store or something. I ran my finger along his desk and started towards his bed. As I lay down on it, I inhaled deeply, burying my face into his pillow. Thankfully Esme hadn't gone through and washed everything because it still smelled like him.

I thought I heard squeals come from down the hall and almost got up to see what the fuss was about, but I couldn't force myself away. Rose was mumbling something to someone out in the hallway. She must have been on the phone because she was the only one I could hear. I had no idea what she was saying but she sounded really happy.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. _Breathe Bella_, I told myself. _Just breathe_. I brushed away a tear from my eye, surprised at the unfamiliar feeling. I'd refused to cry after that day that he left. I think I cried enough that day to last me this entire time. But here I was, lying on his bed crying silently to myself, basking in the feel of him all around me. The hallway went silent, but I didn't move. I just wanted to lay here for a little bit.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I cursed at whoever was calling me and interrupting my time with Edward. I didn't get a damn letter today can't I just lay with him in peace? To make matters worse the number came up as private. I never, ever answer those ones. And I almost didn't, but something told me to do it.

I sighed and hit the button as I held it up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Bella?"

My heart stopped. It was his voice. It was Edward. I shot up, completely unable to speak.

"Baby are you there?"

"Edward?" I finally choked out. The tears started flowing faster down my cheeks.

"Hi." I could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"Hi," I sniffled, grinning from ear to ear.

"So how's the weather?" He joked.

"I miss you so much," I cried.

"I miss you too sweetheart. Don't cry. Everything's okay. I just…they let me use the phone so I thought I'd give you a call."

"How are you? How's Emmett?"

"All three of us are good. Jasper just got here today."

I sighed in relief knowing that they were all together. "Good. Alice has been a mess. We're actually…drinking with your mother. I didn't know she smoked either."

He laughed. "I never thought I'd have to worry about my mom being a bad influence on you. She very rarely smokes, mostly when my dad's not around or she's really stressed." He cleared his throat. "So how are you? I got your letter yesterday."

"You did?" I smiled. "I'm okay." I bit down on my lip, almost nervous to ask him. "Do you have any idea when you'll be home?"

He didn't speak for a few moments. "I don't know. We could be given leave at any time between assignments, but we don't know when. It could be for a few days or a few weeks though, so I don't know if I'll be able to come all the way home."

"Oh."

"So why don't you want to go to prom?" He asked.

I shrugged, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "I just don't want to go without you."

"Well I appreciate that, but I don't want you to miss it on account of me. Ask Jake to go with you, I'm sure he will."

I tried not to laugh.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"It's weird to me how you and Jacob are like…friends now."

"He's an alright guy when he's not trying to corrupt you." There was a voice in the background and Edward sighed. "Hold on Emmett!" He yelled.

"Are you talking to Bella?" Emmett said. "I want to talk to her, give it to me!" I heard a scuffle on the other end of the phone. "Little Swan?"

"Hey Em."

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm taking good care of my little brother for you. And, because we love our girls so much, we don't even have a girly calendar in our room. It's totally tit and ass free."

"Well thanks Emmett, that's so nice of you."

"No problem. Here's Edward again." He handed the phone back to Edward and mumbled something about them having to go.

"I guess that's your cue huh?"

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Listen we're heading out on an assignment. I might not be able to be in contact with you for awhile."

"Is it dangerous?"

"No," he lied.

"Liar."

"I love you babe. Happy Valentine's Day."

"I love you."

He sighed and the line went dead. I hung up my phone and wiped my tears away. I walked over to his desk and grabbed a piece of paper from his desk.

_I got to talk to you today and it was the best day since you left. I love you._

I folded up the note and stuck it between one of his books, knowing he'd find it eventually when he got back. I grabbed his pillow off his bed and finally headed back to the girls.

"Did you get a phone call too?" Rose smiled.

"Yeah." I sat down beside Alice. "They sounded good. Jazz is with them Al." I ran my fingers through her hair.

"Really?" She grinned.

"Yeah. They'll take good care of him."

Esme poured all of us a shot and raised her glass up. "To the boys."

"To the boys," we all echoed as we clinked out glass together. The liquor burned as it slid down my throat, but I was thankful I hadn't drank in awhile. It wouldn't take much to get me drunk.

Esme walked over to the window with Alice and they shared a cigarette while Rose and chomped on some candy. A couple of shots later, Rose was trying to catch some M & M's in her mouth and Esme and I were laughing hysterically about something. I had no idea what it was. Alice was dancing around the room to invisible music. She turned a little too quickly and fell into Rose, who in turn pushed her back with her pillow. Alice grabbed another pillow off Emmett's bed and the next thing I knew we were all at battle. I ducked a swing from Esme and got her right in the stomach with Edward's pillow. We were laughing and yelling so hard we didn't even hear Carlisle walk into the room.

"What the hell is going on here?" He said, putting his hands on his hips. His eyes scanned the room, now in complete disarray. Esme blew a piece of hair from her eyes and jumped over to him. "Hi hubby." She leaped up into his arms. "How was work?"

"Have you been drinking?"

She nodded as we all shook our heads. We were all relieved when he laughed at how drunk she was. "I'm taking you to bed," he smiled at Esme.

"Is that a promise?" She winked and waved as he carried her out of the room.

"Be careful girls." He gave us a fatherly but forgiving look as he closed the door behind them.

"They're so going to have sex," Rose said.

"She's so lucky…" Alice said, twirling a Twizzler around in her mouth.

"I wonder what he's like…" Rose mused.

"Ew!" I threw my arms out. "I do not want to talk about Carlisle like that."

"Oh come on Bella Daddy Cullen's a hottie," Rose joked.

"Totally hot," Alice said.

I got up and started roaming around Emmett's room. I'd never really been in here before. He had one of those "girly calendars" as he called them pinned above his desk and I laughed to myself.

"What?" Rose asked.

"Emmett said that they loved and missed us so much that they didn't even have a girly calendar in their room."

"Aw how sweet," Alice said.

Rose smiled a devious grin and started rummaging in her bag, pulling out a camera. "I have an idea…"

**A/N: The girls needed a little fun huh? What do you think Rose has in mind? P.S. How awesome is drunk Esme?**

**Thanks for all your reviews, reccs, retweets and any other r's you throw in there.**


	36. Leave

**A/N: Thank you for all the love and support again! It means a lot that you've stuck with me through this story that makes you so emo you want to, or actually did, crawl into bed and cry. **

**The playlist is up on the blog as well as a PicTease for this chapter. It's kind of irrelevant now, but it's a really cute picture **

**Not sure when I'll get the next chapter out. I start studying for the dreaded exams this weekend. Meh. **

**Again, if you haven't taken a look at the teaser for my upcoming story, check it out. It's the only place that has it! www(dot)gamesetmatchfanfiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com  
**

**Enjoy your visit with Edward!**

**Edward**

One month. We were supposed to gone from base one fucking month. But like everything else it turned it never worked out that way. Over two months later we were driving back onto base. I hadn't spoken to Jasper. I didn't even know if he was still here. I didn't know if he was all right.

The road was bumpy and rough as we approached the gates. Emmett and I were crammed into the backseat of the truck along with a few other guys. I couldn't wait to just sleep in my bed. It was strange to want to be back on base, but I've never been so happy to see it. The last two months were rough as hell. Long hours, uncomfortable accommodations, weather that was hot as fuck. But that was what I signed up for.

"I'm heading home after this. Permanently. I'm all done in two days," one of the guys boasted. He smiled and started talking with some of the other guys. Emmett locked eyes with me, a sad unspoken silence between us. I didn't regret what we did. I knew he didn't either, but it was still brutal. We just couldn't leave Jasper, especially not knowing anything about him right now.

The driver spoke with the guard at the post and the gate eventually slithered open. I sent a quick smile towards the guard as we passed, recognizing him from training.

Emmett and I unloaded our duffels from the back of the truck and carried everything inside. I anxiously held my breath as we approached our room, hoping to hear Jasper's voice or see his thing on his bed at least. I couldn't bare the thought of telling Bella I had no idea where he was.

I hadn't been able to send her anything while I was gone, I hoped she understood. It was just too hard and frankly I barely had time to breathe. And when I did I was so exhausted all I could do was try to sleep. Of course that never worked. There was always something. Someone suspicious or some explosion in the background. I hadn't had a decent nights sleep in over tow months.

Emmett pushed open our door to reveal a seemingly empty room.

"Emmett where is he?" I asked, knowing he knew just as much as I did. Jasper's bed was neatly done up, made and tucked perfectly. "Emmett?"

I turned around and saw him staring at the wall behind the door. I followed his line of sight and noticed a calendar hanging on the wall. I could tell from all the way over here it was less than completely innocent.

"We leave for two months and he's got girls hanging on our wall!" Emmett protested. We both leaned closer, wondering why the girl looked so familiar. She sat in a bathtub, completely overflowing with bubbles. It was definitely sexy, but not playboy. A very classy sexy. I studied her face, instantly realizing who the dark haired beauty was.

"Is that?" I said, my jaw dropping.

"It's Alice," Jasper said, walking into the room with a huge grin on his face. Emmett laughed and scooped him up into a big bear hug.

"Jasper you son of a bitch. How are you?" Emmett patted him on the back and moved aside so I could give him a hug.

"Doing well. Glad to see you're alright." Jasper's eyes flickered between the two of us.

"Um…why is Alice on a girly calendar?" I nodded.

"It was a gift. By the way you got some…mail too." He gestured over to our beds, both of which held a large envelope roughly the size of a calendar.

"No way," Emmett launched himself towards his bed and tore his open. I walked slowly over to mine, a small smile forming across my lips. I sat down and picked up the large envelope, scraping my finger along the top edge to open it. I reached inside and pulled out a thick bundle of paper and another smaller envelope.

The front of the calendar was all of the girls engaged in a massive pillow fight, complete with feathers flying. My eyes went straight to Bella. She looked so beautiful in her little tank top and boy shorts. And so happy. It made me happy to see her like that. There's a difference between seeing it and reading about it, and I could see it.

I flipped through the rest of my pictures. There was one of Bella looking like she just got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself with a look of fake shock on her face. One had her sucking a lolli pop with her hair in pigtails. But my favorite was June. She had the most clothes on and it was the sexiest one. She had my Army shirt on, the one that she loved so much. She was cuddled up in a chair with some fake sexy librarian glasses reading a book. I was half tempted to just leave it on that one for the whole year.

"Cullens?" Someone knocked on the door. "Webber wants to see you."

Webber? I didn't even know he was over here.

"We'll be right there!" Emmett yelled, setting his calendar down on his bed. I followed him out of our room and towards the main office. We just assumed that was where he was located.

The secretary led us into one of the back offices. Captain Webber met us both with a smile. We saluted him and stood at attention.

"At ease," he said, settling down into his chair. "Have a seat." He gestured to the chairs in front of him and we sat down. "Welcome back to the base. I heard you guys did an excellent job on assignment. Congratulations." His smile fell a little. "Sorry to hear about Sergeant Torrey and Lieutenant Franz. They were both great soldiers and will be sorely missed."

"Thank you sir," Emmett and I said in unison.

"So I hear you boys have reenlisted?" He tapped his pencil anxiously on his desk. "Another six months?"

I winced inside, but refused to let it show. It was the hardest decision of my life. But Emmett and I both refused to leave Jasper here alone. It wasn't even an option. After another six months we'll re-evaluate the situation and see where we're at. I still hadn't told Bella yet and I honestly had no idea how to. I knew as much as she tried to, she wouldn't understand. I didn't want to hurt her again.

"Emmett, may I speak to Edward in private?"

Emmett nodded and left the room. Captain Webber smiled a little as the door closed.

"I wanted to let you know that the leave you have requested for the beginning of May has been granted."

My heart accelerated with his words. Two weeks. I was going home for two whole weeks. That was fourteen days with my Bella. It may not seem like a lot to most people, but that was an eternity when you spend months away from the love of your life. I couldn't stop the silly grin that spread across my face.

"Thank you sir." I stood up and started back to our room.

I didn't know if I was allowed to be excited in front of Jasper and Emmett. They didn't have what I have. They didn't get a break, no time with their girls. I was lucky.

"What are you so happy about?" Emmett asked as I sat back down on my bed. I laid back and draped my hands above my head.

"Nothing," I said, trying to stop smiling.

"Bullshit. Spill." He flipped through his calendar once more.

"I uh….I got granted leave. For two weeks in May." I eyed them cautiously, waiting for their reaction.

"Really that's great man!" Emmett said.

I sighed in relief when I saw the genuine smiles on their face.

"I just…I know it was selfish, but I want to be there for Prom and Graduation."

"Edward that's not selfish, that's selfless. That will mean so much to Bella…it'll brighten her entire world," Jasper nodded. I knew he wished he could be there for all those things with Alice. I did too. "Does she know?"

"No." I shook my head. "I didn't want to get her hopes up just in case it didn't happen. I actually didn't think it would."

"Congrats man. I'm really happy for you." Jasper grabbed the book that was sitting beside his bed and started reading.

I suddenly remembered the other envelope that arrived with the calendar and reached for it. My name was written on the front, with a small heart next to it. I smiled as I pulled out her letter and started reading.

_Edward,_

_ Don't laugh. It was Rose's idea. And was helped along with a lot of vodka. I haven't heard from you in awhile, I hope you're doing all right. Jasper called Alice a few days ago and said you and Emmett were still out on assignment. I'm assuming it just ran a little longer than usual. I hope anyway. _

_ I miss you so much. Alice and Rosalie forced me to go shopping for Prom last weekend, even though I still insist that I'm not going. Jake was nice enough to offer to escort me if I wanted. Said he had a tux on hold just in case I decided at the last minute. _

_ I don't know if Jasper told you, but Alice got chosen as our student speaker for graduation. She's so excited. I'm just glad it's not me; my feet aren't the only thing I regularly trip over. I'd probably puke all over the principal. You know that bastard already hates me. _

_ I can't believe all this stuff is coming up so soon. I'm getting a little scared about what's going to happen after. I ended up sending out some college applications, mostly to appease Charlie and Renee. I got accepted to a few but I think I'm going to go to the community college. You know, stay close just in case. People keep asking me about what I'm going to study and I have nothing to say. Getting accepted to college doesn't mean I magically now know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'll probably just go for English or something._

_ I feel like I had more to tell you, but I guess not. I wish you were here. I wish I could smell you and feel you and taste you. I wear your shirt a lot and left you a lot of little things around your room. I hope that's okay. Esme and I have been hanging out a lot. She showed me some naked baby pictures. You had it going on even then. I hope I get to talk to you again soon._

_ I love you,_

_ Bella_

I beamed with excitement as I read through her words. She was going to be ecstatic. I decided right then and there not to tell her. I wanted to surprise her. It may have been evil, but I had to see her face for myself.

The next few weeks sped by, but dragged on at the same time. On one side it was only a few weeks to get through, but when you're so excited about something it always seems to take forever to get here.

I gave Jasper and Emmett a hug as I left the base, telling them they better take care of each other or I'd have to deal with them when I got back. They gave me some letters for Alice and Rose, and then I was off.

The flight was long as shit. It made it worse that it was confining. I think I drove the person next to me nuts with my anxious leg bouncing.

Carlisle and Esme picked me up at the airport. She cried, of course, but I didn't mind. Carlisle gave me a big hug and told me he was glad to see me. They asked about Emmett and Jasper and I said that everyone was doing fine. I was happy to see my family and all, but to be honest I just needed to see her.

I called Charlie as we drove back, letting him know I wanted to surprise Bella. He told me I was welcome to stay in the guesthouse if I wanted.

I glanced up at the dark clouds above us as Carlisle pulled into Charlie's driveway. I decided to put all my stuff in the guesthouse before seeing her. As much as I needed to be with her right now, I wanted the surprise to be perfect. Hopefully she wouldn't see me before I wanted her to.

The rain really started coming down as Carlisle parked the car. I grabbed all my bags out of the back and set them on the porch of the guesthouse. Carlisle and Esme gave me one last hug and told me to stop by for dinner on Sunday. Esme let me know that she'd take my dress uniform to the drycleaners and have it ready for tomorrow.

I put the hoodie of my sweatshirt up as I dialed Bella's number and started towards the guesthouse. My heart was beating so fast just thinking about her. I would finally get to see her and touch her hair, kiss her. The only thing that scared me was that it would be even harder to leave this time. Once I had her in my arms I knew I was never going to want to let go.

**Bella**

"Bella please?" Alice whined. She'd been bugging me about going to prom all day. It was the day before and all I heard about was hair appointments and waxing and makeup. It was enough to make me want to vomit.

"Alice leave her alone," Rose said as she drove us home. "They're going to sell tickets at the door so she can always go at the last minute"

Alice snapped her mouth shut and looked outside. "I hope it doesn't rain like this tomorrow. It'll ruin everything."

"Well everyone's going to be looking at your date anyway so it won't matter." Rose smiled and winked in her direction. They told me we could make it a girl's night out, but I knew what that was going to do to me. I couldn't even imagine standing there during all the slow songs watching everyone dance with their boyfriends. It would hurt like hell.

Rose dropped me off at my front door, smacking Alice as she tried one last time to get me to go. I laughed and shook my head as I ran inside to avoid the rain that was starting to fall.

I said a quick hello to Charlie and went right upstairs to do my homework. A few minutes after I sat down, he knocked on my door and peaked his head in. He looked like he wanted to tell me something, but couldn't quite get it out.

"Spit it out Charlie."

"I uh…I rented out the guest house."

"What?" I said, my brow furrowing. How could he do that? That was Edward's place. I didn't want just anyone staying in there. "Why?"

"Well this guy needed a place to stay for the next couple of weeks. I offered and he accepted."

"It's a guy?!" That was even worse. It was bad enough watching Riley live there but now it was just some random guy. What the hell was Charlie thinking?

"No." I shook my head adamantly.

"He's already here Bells." He scratched his head. "Sorry."

"Won't be for long." I stood up just as my phone started vibrating on my desk. I smiled when I saw it was Edward, too blinded by my anger to wonder why his caller I.D. was showing up on my phone. "Forks Adult Video, this is Cherry how can I help you?"

He laughed a little under his breath and cleared his throat. "Yes I was wondering if you had Busty Babes 2 available."

"I'm sorry sir, that's currently rented out." I smiled as I descended down the stairs. "Would you be interested in something else? Perhaps Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Bone?"

"That sounds perfect." He laughed again. "How are you baby?"

"About to go off on someone, but better now that I can hear your voice."

"Uh oh. Who fucked up?"

"I don't know his name. But Charlie decided it was a great idea to rent out the guesthouse to some random guy, which I'm definitely not okay with. That's your house." I peaked outside and saw someone standing outside the guesthouse door in the rain. I couldn't see his face; he had his gray hoodie pulled up over his head. It looked like he was talking on the phone as he fumbled with the lock.

I smirked and stepped outside into the rain, ready to give him a piece of my mind. It really wasn't his fault, but I didn't care right now. He wasn't staying there. End of discussion.

"So what are you up to?" I started down the stairs, keeping my eyes on the man.

"Not much. Just hanging out."

"Well I cannot wait to talk to you about that. Hold on just a minute." I kept the phone at my ear as I got closer to the man at the guesthouse, but covered the mouthpiece. I didn't want to scream in Edward's ear. "Hey! You!"

I stopped and listened, wondering why I could hear my echo in the background of the phone. I pulled the phone away from my ear and shook my head. "What the hell?"

"Excuse me Miss, did you need something?"

My breath hitched in my throat when I heard his voice. It wasn't on the phone, it was here. It was right here in front of me. I slowly looked up and felt my knees go weak when I saw him. Edward turned towards me and smiled, pushing his hood off of his head.

I dropped my phone onto the sopping wet ground and ran to him, leaping up into his arms and kissing every inch of him I could get my lips on. The warm tears from my eyes dripped with the cool rain onto my cheeks as I held him.

"I think you broke your phone," he whispered into my ear.

"I don't care," I cried. I pulled back and took his face in my hands. "I don't understand. What are you doing here?"

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. "I wanted to ask you something….will you go to Prom with me?"

"Yes," I sobbed as I crashed my lips to his. He backed us up and unlocked the door, rushing us inside. The door closed quickly behind us and I was instantly slammed up against it.

"I missed you," he whispered against my lips.

"Missed you more." My fingers roamed up his chest and through his hair. It was a little bit longer than usual, but I liked it. It was perfect for running my fingers through. His skin was absolutely gorgeous. I've never seen him tan like this before. It was just sun kissed, absolutely perfect.

He pressed his hands against my breasts as he ground his hips against mine, longing for the contact. I missed this. The closeness. I was suffocating without it.

I let out a slight whimper as his lips continued down my jaw and to my neck. It was his favorite spot. Right where my neck and shoulder dipped by my collarbone. I melted into him as I felt his tongue wash across my slick skin.

I reached down and pushed his sweatshirt up over his head. He lifted his arms up and laughed to help it along. He quickly removed his shirt, tossing it on the floor along with his pants. I fought to get my shirt off as it clung to my body. Edward backed away and reached for the button on my jeans. He quickly undid it and forced my zipper down as I wriggled my hips. He set me down on my feet for a moment while he tugged my jeans and underwear down. On his way back up he kissed my thigh and my hip before dipping his tongue just below my belly button.

"No offense baby, but I've been waiting months to feel you like this. Can you just fuck me?" I whispered. I felt bad. I knew he was trying to make love to me, but I've never been so sexually frustrated before in my life. I needed him now or I was going to spontaneously combust.

He groaned as he shot up, cupping my ass with his hands and pulling me to him. He thrust himself into me as I slammed back against the door again. I felt my face contort in pleasure as our hips rocked together. I dug my heels into his backside, forcing him deeper.

I laughed slightly under my breath and ran my finger across the stubble on his jaw. When it came to rest on his lips, he opened his mouth slightly and took it inside, sucking and biting on it gently. My eyes rolled back into my head at all the sensations coursing through my entire body. They lied when they said absence makes the heart grow fonder, it makes the sex so much better. I pulled my finger out and pressed my forehead to his as my hands roamed his body.

"You feel so…." I stammered, unable to finish.

"Fucking amazing," he finished my sentence.

I grabbed fistfuls of his hair and tugged his face roughly to me. My tongue darted out to meet his, completely violating him in every way. He panted, struggling to catch his breath, but didn't pull his mouth away from mine. A long-drawn out moan escaped his lips, echoing down to the very core of me.

I shuddered as I went over the edge, feeling my entire body go to jelly.

"Edward…" I whispered as he cried out, his palms flattening on the door with a loud smack.

He leaned in and placed a wet kiss on my neck before sliding us both down to the floor. I laid my head back against the door and tried to catch my breath. He reached out and laced his fingers through mine, mimicking our tangled mess of legs. We sat like that for a long time just looking at each other, relishing the fact that we could touch and feel again. It was like everything was right in my world again. I tried to smile as I fought back a yawn. It could have only been dinnertime and I was exhausted. I think, as much as I wanted to believe it, I didn't sleep well without him here. Sure I wasn't to the point where I needed to take anything or necessarily had problems falling asleep. It just wasn't as comfortable.

"You need a nap." Edward stood and scooped me up into his arms, placing a soft kiss on my lips as he carried me over to the bed. He pulled back the covers and placed me inside before quickly joining me. He curled up to the side of me, wrapping his arms around my bare waist and laying his head on my chest. My fingers sleepily ran through his hair as my eyes fell closed, finally getting the rest they'd needed for the past few months.

When I woke up it was completely dark outside. I prayed that Charlie hadn't come out to check on us. I mean I'm pretty sure he knew what was happening but we didn't need to go through that awkward scenario again. I smiled when I felt Edward's weight on top of me. He was sleeping soundly on my chest, snoring so lightly it was almost undetectable.

I took a deep breath and started drawing circles on his back. "God….or whoever you are….thank you for bringing him back to me," I whispered.

I tried to snake my way out from under him to pull some clothes on. It was fucking freezing in here. Charlie hadn't kept the heat on since no one was ever in here.

I carefully lifted his arm and very slowly scooted out of the bed, cautious about laying his head back down on the pillow. He snuggled closer to it and I wondered if he thought it was still me. I fumbled around on the floor for something to wear and came across his hoodie. I threw it on and glanced towards his bag. He must have a pair of boxers or sweatpants I could slip on. I was too scared to search the rest of the floor. I'd probably fall or stub my toe or something. I set his bag on top of the desk and unzipped it. I smiled when I spotted some boxers. I pulled them out quickly, accidentally bringing some papers with them. They fluttered to the ground and I bent down to pick them up and put them back in his bag.

I crawled back into bed with him and draped my arm across his bare back.

"Do you always have to wear my clothes?" He mumbled, still half asleep.

"How do you know I'm wearing your clothes?"

"Because I watched you get dressed."

"Well if it'd make you feel better you could wear my clothes so we're even?"

He laughed into the pillow and turned to face me. "Actually I'd just prefer it if we were both naked." He reached out for me and pulled me to his chest.

"It was too cold in here. I'm freezing." I shivered and snuggled closer. He laughed and reached down to pull the covers over our heads. "Edward talk to me. I'm not sleepy anymore."

"About what?" He mumbled, his eyes still closed.

"Everything. Tell me everything." I eyed him, anxiously waiting for him to start.

"Well when we first got there, we mostly just sat around and did nothing. And then Jasper showed up and of course was a kiss ass to all the officers…" He laughed.

We talked for the rest of the night, telling each other what we'd missed. I had no idea exactly how long he was going to be here but I was going to take advantage of it. I was selfish with him and I wasn't ashamed to admit that. This was the one thing I allowed myself to be selfish about. This was Edward. And for at least tonight, he was mine.

I hadn't realized just how significant this was until the next morning. I'd eventually fallen back to sleep but when I woke up he wasn't there. I sat up quickly and looked around, completely panicked that it was all a dream.

"Over here," Edward called. I relaxed a little until I saw his face. He held a packet of papers together that almost looked like the ones from his bag last night.

"What's going on?"

He sauntered over to the bed and plopped down beside me.

"I have to tell you something." He fumbled with the papers. "And you aren't going to like it. I don't want to….ruin this, but I don't want to keep it from you earlier. I did that the first time and it was not a good thing to do. I always want to be honest with you."

"The first time? What are you talking about?"

He sighed and handed me the papers. It looked like a whole bunch of mumbo jumbo to me at first until I saw the word "re-enlist."

"No…" I whispered, shaking my head. "No, no, no….please tell me you didn't." I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes.

"Emmett and I….have re-upped. For another six months."

"Why would you do that?" I stood up and threw the papers down. "Why?"

"We couldn't leave Jasper alone."

I understood. I understood so well, but it didn't mean I was okay with it. I wasn't okay with it.

"You couldn't have talked to me about this, I mean this is just more than your decision now Edward. You made it more than your decision when you made me fall in love with you!" I cried.

"I'm sorry baby…" He crawled over and pulled me to him. "I'm sorry." I felt his warm tears drip onto me and the next thing I knew I was the one comforting him. "I'm sorry." He just kept repeating it over and over as he clung to me. "I'm sorry."

**A/N:**

**So I wanted this chapter to be mostly happy times, emphasis on the mostly. Something had to happen or else it would have been a filler, and I'm not a fan of those. Prom is coming up next : ) Break out your dancing shoes and old dresses!  
**


	37. Feel It

**A/N: I would highly, highly recommend listening to the playlist while reading this chapter. It's such a good one and most of the songs were submitted by readers. You guys found some perfect songs for them that I never even thought of. So props to you. It's up on the blog.**

**Also up on the blog are all of the girls dresses. They were fun to pick out and I think they really show their personalities well. So let me know what you think of them.**

**I would like to send a birthday greeting to RoseArcadia! Happy Birthday! If you haven't already, check out her website. She's incredibly talented and makes some amazing blinkies! rosearcadia(dot)blogspot(dot)com This chapter is for you dear. Thanks for everything you do and I hope you have an amazing birthday!**

**And also LZTZ, you're the B. Davis to my P. Sawyer ; )**

**Edward**

I left Bella's an hour later to go get dressed. Apparently girls take all day to get ready for something like this. Alice practically pushed me out the door. I didn't want to leave. I knew we still had to talk about our little predicament. Well it wasn't really that little, it was huge. It was a big fucking predicament, but right now I was just focused on making the rest of the day as perfect for her as possible. She deserved at least that much.

I stopped by the dry cleaners on way back to my house and picked up my outfit. Esme already had lunch ready when I got there. I watched television with her and Carlisle for a little bit as I munched on my sandwich. I had no appetite after my kind of fight with Bella this morning.

I shook my head as another news story on the war came on, highlighting all the casualties and showing graphic images. Esme's face turned cold, emotionless as she watched. I got up and flipped the power off. "You don't need to be watching that crap Momma…" I kissed her on the top of her head and set my plate in the kitchen before heading upstairs.

I ran a hot bath and sat on the counter as the steam started rising around me. I know it sounds wimpy for a guy to want to take a bath, but trust me, after coming back from where I just was it was like heaven.

I stripped my clothes off and lowered myself into the warm water. I leaned back while my foot idly played with the faucet, turning the water on and off like a game. I grabbed a washcloth and submerged it into the water before placing it over my face.

After a while the water started to cool and my fingers started to prune, so I got out and dried myself off. I wrapped the towel around my waist and leaned close to the mirror, examining my face. My stubble was a little bit more defined than usual, I didn't always have time to shave over there. I took my time shaving, carefully working over the curves of my face and the edge of my jaw. When I was finished I rinsed off my face and started towards my room.

It was still a little early to get dressed so I threw on some sweatpants and flopped onto the bed, running my hand across my newly shaven skin. It felt weird after all this time. My eyes scanned the room, taking in all the little changes. They'd moved some stuff back in here to use it as storage. Esme must have come in here and cleaned as well. There wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. It wasn't like I was a messy person or anything, but it was never this clean. I reached for my pillow and pulled it close to me. Something crackled underneath me and I pulled back and studied the pillow closer. There was a small square piece distinctly standing out against the soft fabric. I reached inside and pulled out a small piece of paper.

_Edward,_

_ I'm just guessing that this will be the first one you find. We both know the first thing you'll want to do when you get back to your room is take a nap. Whenever I wanted to talk to you or had something small to tell you I came here and wrote it down on a note. I hid them all over your room for you to find. _

_ I saw our episode of Cops today, do you remember? We watched it together after our first fight. Charlie was with me today and oddly he's never watched an episode at all. Needless to say our entire day was wasted on a 24-hour marathon. Miss you._

I smiled and set the paper down. My eyes scanned the room again, paying more attention to places that she could have hid them. I pulled every book off the bookshelf, looked through all my drawers and even looked under the bed. I found five notes. Most of them were good, just something funny that happened or something that reminded her of me. But the last one broke my heart. It was dated March 25th.

_Edward,_

_ Bad day today. This morning I got in a fight with Charlie over something stupid. Did terrible on a test. Snapped at Alice. The worst part was for a split second I got excited about seeing you after school. And then I realized that you wouldn't be there. I miss you so much and I can't wait for you to come home. _

I wiped away a tear as my finger ran along a watermark on the paper, evidence of her own tears. Why did I do this to her? How could I re-enlist without even…thinking about how much it would affect her? I knew she was so much stronger than she'd ever been, but that didn't mean I had the right to do that to her. I don't necessarily regret my decision, I honestly would have probably done it anyway, but it still hurts to see someone you love in pain because of you, no matter what the reason.

I sniffled and straightened up when someone knocked on my door.

"Honey it's me, can I come in?" Esme asked.

"Yeah sure."

She opened the door and walked over to me.

"What are the tears for?" She asked, taking my face in her hands.

"Mom I think I made a mistake…" I shook my head. "I didn't even think…about how much this would change her life…" I set the notes down on my bed. "She hates me."

She sat down beside me and put her arms around my shoulders.

"Edward that girl could not hate you if she tried. Whatever happened between you two this morning that was not hate. That was love. She's scared for you baby, you can't ask her not to be. Just like she can't ask you not to do what you think is right, by staying with Jasper. It's just something you two are going to have to deal with. And it's not going to be easy, but when this is all over you're going to be stronger for it."

"Really?"

"I know that look Edward. That look she gets when she looks at you? I notice it in pictures when I look at Carlisle." She raised her eyebrows and kissed my temple. "You should start getting ready honey." She got up and left the room.

I glanced over at my uniform and stood up, running my fingers through my hair. I dropped my sweatpants to the floor and got dressed. It was quite a get up if I do say so myself, but it was one of the things that made me feel proud to be who I was. I buttoned up the coat and smoothed the material out over my chest, my fingers brushing over the few medals dangling over my heart.

I gave my mom a quick kiss and she took a few pictures before I headed out. I stopped by the grocery store on the way and picked up some flowers for Bella. I hadn't had time to really think about ordering a corsage. I didn't really think she was a corsage person anyway.

The anxiety started creeping up as I pulled into her driveway. I took a few deeps breaths before getting out and walking up to the door. I wasn't sure if I should knock or just go in so I knocked, just to be polite. Plus I think that's what prom dates are supposed to do. You knock, you get the stern look from the dad, and then you watch your girl descend the stairs like a princess. I didn't want to miss out on any of the experience.

Charlie flung the door open and gave me the look I'd expected before stepping aside and allowing me in.

"Bella! He's here!"

I felt my heart flutter a little as I heard some movement upstairs.

"I'll be down in a minute!" She called.

Charlie stood with me, his hands on his hips as he leaned against the doorframe. I know it was weird for us to be this formal, but I think the whole Prom thing brought out the anxious father in him. It wasn't like we would do anything tonight that we hadn't already, but I knew the stigma.

My feet shuffled nervously back and forth, trying to get all this pent up energy out. I looked up when Charlie cleared his throat and smiled.

Bella was slowly making her way down the stairs in a shimmering butter-gold dress that fit her perfectly. She steadied herself on the railing and offered a small coy smile as she took the last few steps. It was almost like everything was happening in slow motion and I was thankful for that. I wanted to fix each moment to my memory.

She finally reached the bottom and took a few steps towards me. I knew that look on her face the moment I saw it. Her eyes were big and round, full of a million "I'm sorry's."

"Me too," I whispered, bending down to kiss her cheek. "You're stunning."

She laughed a little under her breath and Charlie cleared his throat again.

"You look really nice honey…" He muttered.

"Thanks Dad." She looked back at me and down to the flowers I was holding in my hand.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get you a corsage I just…"

"No it's perfect. I hate those things anyway. Way too scratchy." She scrunched up her nose and shook her head before reaching out and running her fingers along the petals. "They're so beautiful." She leaned over and inhaled. "Charlie can you put these in some water." She smiled and handed them to Charlie.

"Okay," he grumbled. "But don't leave yet. Renee will kill me if I don't get some pictures." He shuffled into the kitchen.

The instant he was gone Bella wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry for how I reacted, I was just so overwhelmed…" She shook her head against me.

"It's okay. I should have handled that a lot better. I should have talked to you about it baby. My life isn't my own anymore. It's yours too. We're in this together." I laced my fingers in hers and kissed her neck.

"Okay you two…smile big," Charlie said, returning to the room. He held up a camera and flashed a couple of pictures.

"Okay Dad we have to get going…" Bella said, tugging me along so we could make our escape.

"Be home by midnight…"

"Dad," Bella whined. "There's a party afterwards…"

"Bella…" He scolded.

"I'll keep an eye on her Charlie….I promise." I nodded in his direction and it seemed to ease his mind a little.

"Be careful. If something happens to her I'm blaming you Cullen."

"Yes sir."

Bella pulled me out the door with a large sigh. I opened her door for her before walking around to mine.

"I think I like this look on you…" She smiled and nodded to my uniform. "You look very sexy…"

"Yeah?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow.

"Yes." She laughed and nodded.

I trailed my finger up her arm and shoulder until it finally rested on the back of her neck.

"I can only imagine what this is going to look like in a pile on the floor later…" I fingered the fabric of her strap.

"Mr. Confident are we?"

I dipped my finger between her dress and her skin, over her left breast. She obviously wasn't wearing any type of bra. As I brushed against her skin her eyes fluttered shut as she melted back into the seat.

"Very." I winked and turned my attention back to the road.

The parking lot at the school was crowded. I dropped Bella off at the front and went to park the car. She waited for me with a smile and we walked in together.

"What's the theme again?" I whispered in her ear.

"Mardi Gras."

"Damn I knew I should have put those beads in my pocket."

"Well maybe if you're lucky you'll get a show for free…" She laughed as we walked into the gym. It was decorated just like any other small town prom. Balloon and streamer vomit everywhere.

"Let's find Alice and Rose." She tugged me towards the tables. I spotted Rosalie right away, sitting by herself in a long white gown. She had her arms crossed in front of her and she looked irritated.

"Rose!" Bella called. "Where's Al?"

"She was fine…" Rose started. "She was fine until they played that stupid song of theirs and now she won't talk to anyone."

"What?"

"Where is she?" I asked.

"Over in the corner. Everytime I try to go talk to her she pushes me away and starts screaming." Rosalie nodded to the corner.

"I'll try. Just stay here." I quickly kissed Bella and started over to the darkness. I could barely make her form out in the shadows. She was hunched over hugging herself as her shoulders heaved up and down.

"Alice?" I asked.

"Go away…"

I stood there for a minute and let her cry some more before trying again.

"Alice…" I took a step forward and placed my hand on her shoulder. She shook it away but I did it again. "Just listen. I have a message from Jasper."

She sniffled and turned towards me. "You do?"

"Yes." I took both of her hands in mine and scooted closer. "He says that he misses you. And that he loves you. And he wanted me to give you this." I leaned down and kissed her cheek before trying to wipe her tears away. "And he also….wanted to have this dance." I nodded out towards the dance floor as the slow song started.

"I look like a mess."

"Jasper thinks you look beautiful. And so do I. So Alice will you please, please dance with me? Jasper will pummel me if he hears that you had a shitty time at your prom."

"Okay," she laughed. "But I'm only doing this for Jasper…"

"Of course." I led her out on the dance floor, smiling at Bella as we passed. She was chatting with Rosalie and taking a few pictures.

I twirled Alice around on the dance floor and kept stealing glances at Bella.

"Thank you for loving her like she deserves to be loved Edward…" Alice said.

"Oh I don't know if I could ever do that. I know I definitely don't deserve her."

"You do. I know these things." She smiled. "So how is he? Really?"

"Honestly he's doing good. Definite teacher's pet, but he's perfect in everything. Top of his class. Always trying to stay safe so he can come back to you as soon as possible." I leaned in close. "By the way you all about gave us heart attacks with those calendars." I raised my eyebrows at her and laughed.

The next song started and Alice's eyes drifted over towards the table. "I think we're both neglecting our dates…" She whispered.

"You think?"

"Yes. Dance with your girlfriend. She needs you more than I do. But thank you Edward." She nodded and skipped off to the table. She whispered something in Bella's ear as I stood solo out on the dance floor. Bella glanced my way and I motioned for her to join me. She smiled and glided across the floor, right into my arms.

"That was really nice…what you just did. You're always trying to take care of everyone, it's really brave." She ran her finger along my collar as we danced.

"It wasn't brave. It was just something I needed to do. I felt like I owed it to them. I'm here and he's not, and I know it hurts them."

"Well despite that I hate that they're hurting I'm really glad that you're here."

"Me too. I do think that I have the prettiest date in the house though. I bet everyone is really jealous."

"They should be." She leaned in and kissed me.

**Bella**

I was the happiest girl on the planet right now. It didn't matter that I was in this nice dress. Or that my makeup was all done. Or that I was at Prom. I was with him. Even if they took all of this fancy stuff away, I wouldn't notice.

We got our official picture taken and talked with Rose and Alice some more. I wasn't much into dancing, but I didn't mind it so much when it was with Edward.

"So what time is this party?" Edward asked.

"Just…later." I smiled, trying to sound believable. I wasn't totally lying. There is a party. Just probably not what he's expecting. "Do you want to go get some fresh air?" I nodded towards the door.

"Sure."

I pulled him out of the gym and down the hallway, but he suddenly stopped.

"What's this?" He pointed to the wall. I winced as I saw my picture there, right under "Student of the Month."

"It's not a big deal…it was actually kind of embarrassing. They called me up during this huge assembly and I tripped over the microphone cord and fell right into the Principal's junk." I shook my head at the horrifying memory. That was as up, close and personal as I ever wanted to get with that man.

"Bella that is a big deal. I'm so proud of you…" He pulled me close as he looked over the picture once more. He kissed my head and we started towards the door.

I shivered a little as the cool air hit my skin.

"I'm sorry I don't have a jacket to give you." He shrugged.

"It's okay. Look I wasn't mad at you this morning… at all. I'm just scared of missing you more than I already do so…"

"I found all your little notes…" He leaned in and smiled.

"You did?"

"Well I think I did. How many did you hide?"

"I don't know I lost count."

"Well then maybe I didn't."

I wrapped my arms around his wais and rested my chin on his chest. "I hope you didn't so there's still some kind of surprise left."

"You are always a surprise Bella."

I pressed my lips softly to his. My hunger for him never leaves. No matter how much of him I taste I'm never fully satisfied, it was frustrating and exciting at the same time. I hoped that this feeling never went away.

"I think I'm ready to leave…" I mumbled against his lips.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to miss your prom night."

"Well I don't want to miss you tonight either. And you are way more important to me than prom." I leaned in close. "I have a surprise for you."

"You do?"

"Mmmhmm…Come on…" I pulled him out into the parking lot.

"I can go get the car…"

"It's okay. I'm driving anyway."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. It'll ruin the surprise otherwise."

We finally found the car and I jumped in the driver's seat. Once Edward was strapped in I reached into my purse and pulled out the scarf I'd put in there earlier for this specific reason.

"What's this?" He asked as I tied it around his eyes.

"Part of the surprise." I put the car in drive and we were off. I knew he'd know exactly where we were going if I'd let him see. It was one of the only nice hotels in town and cost me an arm and a leg to get a reservation.

I parked the car and went inside to check in, swearing I'd punch Edward if he peeked. When I returned he was still sitting dutifully in the passenger's seat, twiddling his thumbs. I drove around and parked again. This time I went around to side to meet him and led him through the lobby. A few people waiting around gave me strange looks but I didn't really care. I held onto Edward's hand and led him into the elevator.

"Whoa…" He said, stumbling a little when it started moving.

"Steady boy." I patted his chest and waited for our floor to come up. I led him out into the hallway and down to the end. He cocked his head to the side when the lock beeped, signaling it was unlocked.

I stepped inside and had to hold in my gasp. It was perfect. More perfect than I could have ever imagined. I guess a load of money could do some good. I know it was the honeymoon suite, but I was sparing no expense. It was Edward and as far as I was concerned every night with him was a honeymoon.

The bed was completely covered in rose petals, so was the hot tub in the corner. The candles were already lit and the massage oils were set out on the nightstand.

I smiled and started working on taking his clothes off.

"Please tell me we're alone," he laughed, starting to help me along.

"We're alone." I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him again. I took his jacket from him and hung it up in the closet. By the time I'd gotten back to him he'd somehow managed to take off his pants completely blind. I pulled his undershirt over his head and quickly discarded his boxers. I led him over to the hot tub.

"Okay put your hands out." He did as I said and I told him to crawl in. He winced a little at the temperature of the water, but didn't protest as he slid inside. "Now sit back and relax." I stepped back and put my hand on the strap of my dress. "Take off the scarf," I whispered.

He ripped the fabric away from his eyes and looked around the room. "Bella…." He said slowly, taking it all in. "There's no party…" he smiled.

"There is. It's just a private one." I slipped the strap of my dress down my arm and then the other. My dress fell into a pile on the floor.

"Wow…" Edward whispered, licking his lips as he rested his arms on the edge. I slowly made my way over to the tub and stepped in, quickly floating over behind him and wrapping my arms around him.

"You like?" I kissed his shoulder and hugged him tighter.

"I love." He turned around and pressed his lips to mine. "I love you." His hands drifted down into the water and across my back. I pulled myself onto his lap and pressed my lips harder to his. "Love, love, love you." He gently took my bottom lip between his teeth and pulled. I wrapped myself tighter around him and rested my head on his shoulder. There was something so intimate about just holding the love of your life in your arms. It was the most loving gesture. I could hold him like this forever and be content.

I placed a soft kiss on his neck before returning to his lips for a simple sweet kiss.

"Can I keep you forever?" He whispered.

"You already have me for more than that…" I kissed him again. "You have me."

I felt his tongue dart out to meet mine and I smiled against him. His hands moved up and roughly grabbed onto my hair, deepening our kiss. I rubbed my hips against his, craving the contact there. I pushed myself up a little, steadying myself on his shoulders and lowered myself devastatingly slow onto him.

He moaned as his head lulled back. I noticed a single tear slide down his cheek and I leaned over to kiss it away.

I started moving my hips against his, going slow wanting enjoy him. The water started moving side to side with my movements, almost spilling over the edge. He took my face in his hands, gently running his thumb across my bottom lip. I pressed my forehead to his, a whispered whimper escaping my lips. He leaned forward, bringing his lips towards mine. He stopped a moment before they touched and moaned. I grabbed fistfuls of his hair and started rocking my hips faster.

"Fuck…" he whispered. I cut him off, forcing my lips back on his.

"Forever…" I stuttered.

"Forever…" he agreed.

I could tell he was getting close, but I wasn't even close to being done with him. I stopped moving and he let out a frustrated grunt.

"What are you doing?" He said, out of breath.

"Just breathe baby…" I started again, slower than before. "Just keep your eyes on me…"

I laced my fingers with his and brought them both to rest on top of the water. My lips traveled down his smooth jaw, leaving a trail of soft kisses in their path.

"I just…I just want to feel you deeper….here." I placed my hand over my heart and he bent down to kiss it.

He roughly grabbed hold of my hips and guided them.

"Feel it," he said strongly.

I bit down on my lip as I nodded weakly, feeling it more than he would ever know. He had no idea how intense my need for him was. It almost broke me.

A shiver ran through his body, in complete sync with mine, as his eyes fluttered shut. I rested my head on his shoulder, waiting for our breathing to return to normal. When it did he lifted us out of the water and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around both of us. He smiled and leaned down, pressing his lips softly against mine.

"Lay down…" I gestured over to the bed.

I did as I asked and I grabbed the massage oil from the nightstand. I straddled his back and dripped a few drops across his back. His muscles were more defined than I'd remembered. I traced my finger down all the peaks and valleys of his back, rubbing the oil in.

"You're going to put me to sleep," I mumbled.

I laughed and rolled over to lie beside him. "It's okay you can sleep." I scooted closer to him and kissed the tip of his nose. "I like watching you sleep."

He propped himself up on his elbows and shook his head. "I can't believe I almost missed this. I don't want to miss any moments like this." His lengthy fingers trailed down the middle of my chest and pinched playfully at my hip.

"Thank you."

"For what?" His brow furrowed.

I kissed him. "Best." Again. "Prom." Again. "Ever."

**A/N: Thanks again for all your undying support. I appreciate it so much. And also Finals are over and I think I did half way decent on them. * Karate Kick to Final's Junk ***

**I know some people might say this chapter was insignificant, but come on….these guys go through a fricking shit storm almost every chapter. They deserved an entire chapter of happy. : ) No offense to my Prom date, but if I had a left nut, I'd gladly give it to go to Prom with Edward.**


	38. Up to You

**A/N: A few things. First of all I want to give a HUGE shoutout to RoseArcadia because she has done some amazing things for CoC this week. First of all she created a fuckawesome blinkie for this story, along with a great review AND on top of all that she created a Twilighted thread for this story so you can all go on there and talk about it! The blinkie and links to her blog and the Twilighted Thread are on the CoC blog so please check it out. She does some amazing work and I'm so appreciative of her work this week. Kudos to you!**

**Secondly Happy Birthday Rob! I hope you enjoy a pap free relaxing day. If they follow you give them a swift knee to the groin and tell the cops I said it was okay.  
**

**Thanks for waiting for this update. Been busy trying to pack up my life TWICE. Starting out east on Monday : ) Enjoy!  
**

**Bella**

My alarm woke me from a perfectly good dream. I rolled over and promptly ran rolled right into Alice. She grumbled and pushed me back.

I smiled and snuggled into the comforter, basking in the last few minutes of comfort. I hated spending the night away from Edward, but Alice and I always promised each other that we'd spend the night before graduation together. Just us. Everything in our lives were about to change and there was no going back. I think we just wanted to hold onto that last bit of childhood that we had left. It wasn't like my childhood was that normal, but Alice was one of the first people to keep me grounded here in Forks. She was my rock. And up until very recently she was the only one I trusted here.

"Alice it's 10:30, we have to get up. Graduation starts in an hour and a half and you need to shower." I tapped her shoulder.

"You think I need to shower? You should smell yourself…" She wrinkled her nose and smiled. She slowly opened her eyes and yawned. "Good morning best friend."

"Good morning best friend."

"Good morning girls." Edward walked in my room carrying a large tray of food. "Breakfast for the graduates." He set the tray down on the bed and came over to give me a kiss.

"Hey baby," he whispered, gently pressing his lips to mine.

"Hi," I smiled.

"I'll leave you two alone. Your dad wants to leave in like an hour."

"Okay. Thanks for breakfast."

He nodded and closed the door behind him.

"B…I have a confession." Alice nibbled on a waffle. "I haven't written my speech yet."

"Alice!" I started choking on my bacon. "You have to talk in a couple of hours and you don't even know what you're going to say!"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Everytime I sat down to write it I clammed up. I think that I really thought if I didn't write it then it wouldn't happen. Like we could skip all this stuff and just stay here forever. Like this." She laughed at herself as a tear slid down her cheek. "I'm just really going to miss you next year, I feel like I'm losing you. Are you sure you won't come with me to L.A.?"

I took her hands and shook my head. "I can't," I sighed. " Al, change is inevitable. Sometimes its good and sometimes its bad but its always constant. No matter what you do to stop it the sun's going to rise in the morning and set in the evening. We can't change it, we can react to it." I bit down on my lip and smiled. "Life's all a big reaction. You can let things happen to you and drown….or you can fight like hell to keep afloat. Whether or not you make it or not is completely up to you." I thought back to Edward and how relevant those words really were. "Sometimes you have to learn to just…breathe."

"Yeah?" She sniffled.

"Yes. And don't you ever worry about losing me. We're all going places but I will carry you with me every single moment. You're my best friend Al."

I leaned in and gave her a big hug as she cried until my dad knocked on my door. "Girls! Get up! Come on, come on, come on. Big day."

"Okay!" I yelled. "You can use the shower up here. I can go use Edward's."

I grabbed a towel and all my supplies and headed out to the guest house.

"Edward?" I yelled as I walked in. I heard the shower running and smiled as I started towards the bathroom. I quietly slipped out of my clothes and crept over to the shower. I took a deep breath and grabbed onto the curtain, whipping it back.

"Gah!" Jasper screamed.

"Oh my God!" I shrieked. "Oh my God!" I scrambled for something to cover me as I shielded my eyes, but just ended up stumbling all over the place. I finally found a towel and pulled it over my body.

"Hi," Jasper waved, spitting out some water from his mouth.

"What are you doing here?"

"Surprising Ali for graduation. Why were you trying to shower with me?"

"I thought you were Edward." I could not have been more embarrassed than I was in that very moment.

"Clearly."

"And you are obviously not…him."

"Clearly."

"Oh God…" I buried my head in my hands. "Can you just…finish up and get out?"

"That;s what she said." He pulled the shower curtain back in front of him and I made a quick exit, pulling clothes on along the way.

I curled up in a chair and waited impatiently for Jasper to leave. He only took a few more minutes, but it seemed like forever. I hid my face when I heard the door open, too mortified to look at him.

"Shower's free. Is Alice up at the house?"

I nodded, still averting his gaze. Once I heard the second door close I jumped up and ran into the bathroom.

I hoped the warm water would calm me down from the near heart attack I'd just expierenced. I closed my eyes and stood there for a long time, just letting it wash over me. I froze when I heard someone step in behind me.

"Jasper if this is a joke or some form of payback it is not funny…" I closed my eyes and spun around.

"Sorry to disappoint," Edward shrugged. "I know you were expecting showertime with Jasper but you get me instead." He smiled.

I sighed and stepped towards him, burying my face in his slick chest. "I'm so embarrassed."

He laughed again and ran his fingers through my hair. "Don't be embarrassed baby… It's kind of funny."

"No it's not."

"Just a little bit."

"No."

"Well if it helps I still have to give you your graduation present."

I tilted my face up and rested my chin on his skin. "I told you not to get me anything. You were more than enough of a present."

"Oh good. So I can return this?" He leaned down and kissed my neck. "And this too?" He finally pressed his lips against mine.

"Well let me think about it. Can I try out the entire package before I make my decision?" I wrapped my arms around him.

He laughed a little and pressed me up against the shower wall. "You think you're funny don't you?"

"I think I'm hilarious."

He grabbed both of my wrists and forced them above my head. "You still think you're funny?" He smirked and ran his nose lightly up and down my jaw.

"Mmmhmm…"

His finger traced down my shoulder and across the curve of my breast. I whimpered and arched my back.

"You know you should really get ready…we have to leave soon." He gently kissed my neck.

"Then we should make this quick," I breathed.

He looked me up and down, contemplating. "Turn around."

"What?"

"Turn. Around." He released my wrists and grasped onto my hips, turning me away from him. He ran his fingers across my tattoo and gently forced my legs apart with his knee.

"Happy Graduation…" He whispered. He roughly pressed his body into mine and I shuddered from the jolt of electricity coursing through my body. It was crazy how much his body affected mine. It was unlike anything I've ever known before. You know that feeling right as you get to the top of a roller coaster? That exciting high of anticipation? You feel it in the pit your stomach and somehow it moves through your veins and makes your head all dizzy. Everytime I'm with him that peak just gets higher and higher and the feeling gets better and better.

"Fuck…" I whispered, reaching behind me to run my fingers through his hair.

His movements were quick, deliberate as he slid against me.

"Are you close?" He asked, reaching around to run his fingers against my skin.

I nodded and pressed my palms flat against the cool tile.

"I love you," I breathed as he pushed me over the edge. He dropped his head to my shoulder and hugged me tight.

"I love you. I'm so proud of you Bella."

"Thanks." I smiled and spun back around so I could kiss him properly.

"You're welcome. I'm gonna go get dressed. Are you going to be done soon?"

"Yeah. I'll be out in a minute."

He nodded, stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.

Now that I was alone again I started feeling a little anxious about today. I hadn't really felt it until now. I mean I knew that it was coming, but you just don't feel it until it's here. You can prepare all you want and it will never be enough. Alice is leaving. I'm leaving. Rose is the only one left in the wake. Will all of us be able to stay afloat or will we all drown?

I hopped out of the shower and dried off. Edward had been nice enough to run up to the house and get gown and dress. They hung on the back of the bathroom door waiting for me. I smiled when I saw my brush and my makeup sitting on the counter. He doesn't miss a thing.  
I slipped on my dress and ran a brush through my hair. I didn't have time to dry and straighten my hair so I didn't even try. I prayed today was one of the days it decided to dry half way decent on its own. I swiped some blush across my cheeks and pulled my gown on.  
Edward catcalled as I stepped out of the bathroom. He sat in the corner chair, reading the paper.

"I want to give you something..." He said.

"Okay I really don't think we have time now..." I shook my head, blushing.

"I didn't mean that," he laughed. "It's your actual graduation present. Renee brought it with her for me."

"She's here?"

"Yeah she'd just arrived when I went back up to the house." He smiled and glanced down at the large box sitting at his feet. It wasn't wrapped, but there were several tiny holes around the box.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Open it."

I knelt down and felt along the edge of the box, wondering what the hell was in here. I lifted off the top and gasped.

Two small, beautiful eyes were staring up at me. His tabby colored hair was big and fluffy as his tail swung wildly back and forth.

"You got me a cat?"

"We already checked with the dorms. They're making an exception."

"And how much did that exception cost?" I laughed. It didn't matter. I was already in love with this little fluffball. I reached down and picked him up, pulling him to my chest. He nestled into my arms and rubbed his head against me. "What's his name?"

"Doesn't have one yet." Edward watched me, appearing to be completely fascinated with my interaction with the little one.

"What's your middle name?" I asked.

"Why?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"I just want to know..." I shrugged.

"I....have two. Anthony Masen."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." I nodded. I looked down into my baby's eyes and smiled. "Masen?" He nudged my cheek. I spun him around to face Edward. "Masen," I smiled.

I stood up and went to sit on Edward's lap. "Thank you." I kissed his cheek.

"Are you sure you like him, I mean its okay if you don't we can always find him another home."

"No I love him," I said defensively.

"Good. I think he loves you too." He laughed and nodded down to Masen, who was now sleeping soundly on my chest. "But we have to go, you're going to be late to your own graduation."

**Edward**

We took Masen back up to the house and set him in his cage for the ceremony. Esme was going to come over in a little bit and check on him to make sure he was okay.

Bella and I, along with her parents, stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Alice and Jasper. Apparently when he showed up Alice shrieked so loud that Charlie still has ringing in one ear. Now they were upstairs doing God knows what. Actually I knew exactly what they were doing, but I didn't want to think about it.

A few minutes later they skipped down the stairs, both beaming as bright as ever. Jasper winked at me as he passed. I rolled my eyes and grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her outside. I drove Jasper, Alice and Bella. Renee and Charlie followed in his cruiser. Sometimes I wondered how the hell those two ever split up. They seemed perfect for each other. Every time I looked in the rear-view mirror they were laughing and talking.

The parking lot was full, like always. We were a little late, like always. I gave Bella a kiss as she scurried off with Alice to get in line. Jasper and I took our seats next to Charlie and Renee and waited. The band started playing and all of the graduates started filing in. I spotted Bella immediately and smiled. She looked a little nervous but she smiled back at me and took her seat beside Alice.

The principal stepped up the microphone and cleared his throat."Friends and family, welcome to the Forks High School graduation. I am very pleased you could join us today to celebrate the achievements of these wonderful young people." He spoke a little more before handing the microphone over to Angela, the valedictorian.

"And now I would like to turn over the microphone to Alice Brandon, who was selected as the student speaker for this year." She nodded and took her seat.

Jasper and I whistled as Alice got up and started towards the stage.

She approached the podium and took a deep breath.

"Hello everyone. Thank you for sharing in our celebration." She paused for a moment and smiled. "In all honesty I had no idea what I was going to say up here until this morning. I was talking to my best friend and she gave me some great advice that I would like to share with all of you. Life's all a big reaction. You can let things happen to you and drown or you can fight like hell to keep afloat. Whether or not you make it or not is completely up to you." She nodded and looked at Bella. "We're about to step out into the world and its going to be scary and hard, but its also going to be wonderful and worth it. Always remember that you have the ultimate power to change your life. It's our turn to make our mark on this world, whether that means having a family, or a career, or just being happy with what you have. No matter what happens, keep fighting like hell to stay afloat. Stay afloat Class of 2010, we've still got a lot of work to do. Congratulations." She laughed and took a small bow as she left the stage.

I pulled out the camera and handed it to Charlie since he had a little bit better of a view. All of the graduates stood up and started towards the stage. It didn't take long for them to get to Bella's name. There were only about forty of them.

I could tell she was nervous as she stepped up to the stage. She was fidgeting with the sleeves of her gown.

"Isabella Swan..." The principal announced.

Bella smiled and started to walk across the stage. She made it perfectly fine over to table to grab her diploma. She shook the principal's hand and I sighed a huge breath of relief when she started down the steps. She looked up at me and smiled a moment before she tumbled down the last few steps.

"Shit," I said, standing up. She shot up and looked around, wondering if anyone had seen her. They had. I almost wanted to pummel the two boys behind me as they laughed. She continued quickly back to her seat, limping slightly.

The ceremony ended and I slipped out just as the caps flew into the air. I knew she twisted that ankle pretty good. I ran out to my car and prayed that my first aid kit was still in there. I eyed it in the corner of my trunk and brought it back in with me.

The gym was a cluster of people, all chatting about what their plans were for next year. I darted in and out of the people and finally spotted them. Bella was sitting in a chair with everyone hovered around her.

"Let me see the damage." I bent down and took her ankle in my hands.

"I think its just my pride." She leaned forward and rested her head on her hands.

"Baby no one even saw." I looked over her ankle a little closer. I didn't think it was broken. Maybe just twisted. I'd have Carlisle stop by later and check on it.

"Yes they did," she pouted.

I smiled and started wrapping her ankle with the bandage I'd found in my first aid kit.

When I finished we started outside to take some pictures. Bella held tightly onto my arm and limped outside.

"Congratulations Gimpy," I teased.

"I hate you..." she whispered.

"No you don't." I smiled and kissed her cheek, but I could tell her ankle was really bothering her.

She took pictures with Alice and with her mom and with her dad. She was already irritated when it came my turn and I could tell by the grimace on her face that she'd probably already been on her ankle too long. I scooped her up into my arms and Charlie took a few pictures. Everyone kind of looked at us weird but I didn't give a fuck. My girl was hurt and I was going to carry her if I wanted to.

We went out to dinner after and Charlie insisted on paying. I tried to get the tip but he wouldn't have it. Alice and Jasper were headed to an afterparty at someone's house but I didn't think Bella should be walking around on that ankle so I drove us home. I carried her inside and up to her room before laying down beside her.

"You know I might need a sponge bath later..." she teased.

"I thought we had a pretty thorough shower this morning, don't you?" I snuggled in closer to her.

"How much longer can you stay?"

"I'll stay with you tonight silly..." I kissed her forehead.

"No I mean....how much longer can you stay?" She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Doesn't matter," I shook my head. "I'm here now." It did matter. I only had five more days with her until I had to go back. And I planned on making them the happiest days of her life because I had no idea when I'd get leave again.

There was a knock on her door and I almost separated myself from her, fearing the wrath of Charlie.

"I have a visitor for you guys..." Renee peeked inside and walked in carrying Masen. I wasn't much of a cat person but this guy was fucking cute.

Bella smiled and held out her arms. I was glad she was so attentive to him already. The truth was I was scared about her being all alone at college. She wouldn't have Alice or even Rosalie to look after her. I didn't want her to get lonely. If it took her becoming the crazy cat lady then okay. I just...hated the thought of her being alone. I had to fork over a pretty penny to allow her to have it in her dorm room. They barely allow fish and I wanted to bring in a rambunctious kitten.

"He wants to see you daddy," she smiled and handed him over to me.

"I don't think he likes me as much as he likes you..." I shook my head and reluctantly took him. He started walking around in circles on my chest and finally plopped down, burying his little nose in his paws.

"I think he loves you..." she smiled and pulled herself into my arms. It wasn't too long until they were both sound asleep. Renee snuck back in and smiled, taking a picture.

"How does it feel?" She asked.

"How does what feel?"

"Having a family of your own." She nodded to Bella and Masen.

"Oh I don't know if..." I started.

"Edward. I know you're going to marry her someday. This is your family. Take a good look kid, it doesn't get much better than this." She started to leave. "Just don't make me a grandma anytime soon okay? I'm too young."

Bella stirred a little, but didn't wake. The more I thought about it, Renee was right. I was a really lucky guy. I bent down and kissed Bella's head. How many people can say they met the love of their life at 21? God, how many can say that in general? I don't care if you're 15 or 81, if you find a love like this you don't ever let it go because odds are its rare. Most people don't get to experience this at all. I hated that I had to leave her again, but I planned on spending the rest of my life making it up to her. There was no life after Bella. She was the beginning of everything that mattered. What the hell was I waiting for? When you're in the line of work I'm in, you don't always have tomorrow.

I took Bella to Carlisle's office the next morning just to get her ankle checked out. He said it was just a light sprain and sent her with some pain killers. When we got back to Charlie's I lingered for a moment outside as Bella limped up the steps.

"Babe? Are you coming inside?" She stopped on the top step and looked back at me.

"Um...I actually need to run to Carlisle and Esme's for a minute. Will you be alright?"

"Yeah. Hurry back to me." She blew me a kiss and walked inside.

I quickly drove home and started inside.

"Mom?" I yelled.

"Hey honey!" She peeked her head out from the kitchen. "I didn't know you were stopping by today, I'm just making some cookies. Come on in."

I made my way to the kitchen and was instantly assaulted by the insanely good smell of chocolate chips. Esme pulled a batch out of the oven and I reached for one.

"Be careful they're hot," she scolded. I would gladly burn my mouth for a bite. I know everyone says this, but my mom is truly the best cook in the world. "What's going on? How was Bella's graduation? Carlisle said she twisted her ankle pretty good. Poor girl."

"Yeah she was more embarrassed than anything else I think," I laughed. "Mom I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay." She smiled and started transferring the cookies to the cooling rack.

"When I first got my orders to ship out, I won't lie I kind of freaked out about Bella. For a second I thought that we had to get married and be tied to each other that way before I left just in case. I didn't want to deprive her of something like that if it was what she wanted. That thought kind of passed quickly, and it wasn't because I don't want that with her, I just want it to be right. And that wasn't the right time. I don't want her to think that I was doing it just because I was leaving. But I want to marry her mom. She's all I'm ever going to want for the rest of my life and it's going to happen soon. Or at least I hope." I paused and took a deep breath. "I'd like to give her grandma's ring."

"I think she'd like that honey." Esme smiled.

"Really? I mean I'm not ready to give it to her yet, but I thought I'd take it to the jewelers and get it cleaned and re-sized for when I get back. I hope Alice knows her ring-size."

"Her little hands? She's a 6." She disappeared and returned a few minutes later. "Here." She handed me a small pouch. "I'm proud to have Bella wear it, when the time comes." She smiled and gave me a big hug. "It'll probably take them about a week to have that done so have them call me when it's done. I'll pick it up."

"Thanks mom."

"You're welcome." She kissed my cheek and went back to her cookies. I snuck another one and started back to Bella's. I dropped the ring off at the jeweler's on the way, giving them my credit card number and Esme's phone number so they could call her when it was done. I was halfway thankful that I didn't have to carry it around with me for the next five days. I might spontaneously propose with that thing burning a hole in my pocket and she deserved better than that.

When I got back to Charlie's I acted completely calm and collected, telling Bella I just needed to spend some time with my mom. I watched her as she sat at the table, stirring her hot chocolate. I hoped that it was just because I was so anxious about the ring, but I had a weird feeling about something. Like something big was about to happen. I just hoped after everything we've been through that was it was something good. I needed it to be something good. Please let it be something good.

**A/N: Wow pretty much two whole chapters of fluff. That's pretty good for me. Just a warning its not lasting too much longer, we've still got the one major shitstorm to make it through and its on its way. **


	39. Anywhere But Here

**A/N: Just a warning the shit storm will be arriving this chapter so I'm issuing a tissue warning. Reminder there will be HEA so don't curse me to the deepest pit of hell. Remember there's a thread if you guys would like to discuss. Link is on the blog under the Blinkie post. **

**Also on the blog is a great playlist for the next couple chapters. The songs just fit well with the feeling for them so that's why they're combined.**

**blog: www(dot)codeofconductfanfiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com  
**

**Lastly, I am finally leaving for my internship on Monday so I will probably not be able to update for at least a week or so, just wanted you to know. I'll try to get an update out to you as soon as I possible can. If you're actually interested in my RL you can follow my adventures on my blog www(dot)summerinmaine2010(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Thanks for all the reviews, story alerts, favorites, retweets and reccs guys! It keeps me going!  
**

**Edward**

I thought leaving Bella would be easier the second time. It wasn't. It was fucking brutal just like the first time. She seemed to handle it better but I think it was just because she knew what to expect. It didn't mean that it hurt any less.

Jasper and I were on the same flight, so we arrived back to base together. For a while it was back to the same old shit. Playing video games, doing a little bit of patrol, playing cards with the guys. Bella and I still sent letters back and forth and before I knew it my birthday came. The guys tried to make me a small cake, emphasis on the try. It ended up looking more like a pile of icing with random candles sticking out everywhere.

The day after my birthday I received a package from home. It was full of little things and letters from everyone. Carlisle decided to move out of the hospital and have his own family practice in his own building. Esme was heading all the decorating and apparently they were hoping to move in by the middle of fall. Bella sent me a picture of her and Masen out in the meadow. He was getting so big it was unbelievable that the last time I saw him he was a little fluffball.

"Cullens, Hale….Captain wants to see you?" Yorkie peaked his head into our room.

"We'll be right there sir," Jasper said. He immediately stood up and started towards the door. Emmett and I rolled our eyes at his obvious ass kissing and followed slowly behind.

"At ease," Captain Webber said as we entered his office. "We're sending you out tomorrow morning. They've been having some problems at the border. Lost a lot of our guys and unfortunately you guys are the only ones trained enough to take their spot. I have all the confidence in you three, you're my best guys." He nodded. "Ship out at oh-six hundred. That's all."

We saluted him and quickly exited his office. I knew this was different than last time. I knew it because I felt it deep in my bones. This was dangerous. And my gut was telling me this was the bad feeling I'd gotten back home.

Captain Webber was nice enough to let us use the phone again before we left. I think he understood the risk we were taking being out there. I quickly dialed Bella's number and waited, hoping I could hide the stress in my voice. It rang once, twice, three times. I sighed when it went to voicemail, half of me relieved and half disappointed. Of course I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't want to scare her either. Maybe it was better this way.

"Hey baby, it's me. I'm just heading out on assignment tomorrow, no big deal. Just wanted to call and say hi since I won't be in contact for a while. I uh…hope your summer is going well. Say hi to Masen for me. Love you."

I hung up and went back to pack. I stuffed everything in my duffel and pulled my journal out from under my bed to get some writing in before I went to sleep. I talked to Emmett and Jasper a lot but sometimes it was just too hard. That's the good thing about a journal, they're always there to listen to all your shit.

I finally decided to go to bed, so I shut my flashlight off and stuck my journal inside my duffel beside my bed. Emmett and Jasper went to bed hours ago, but I couldn't get my head to shut up.

Five in the morning comes pretty quickly, especially when you're as utterly exhausted as we are. We quickly got dressed and shaved for the last time before we went out.

"I just want to brief you all a little more on the situation…" Our driver said. "I know Captain Webber told you a little bit about what we're dealing with out here, but it's important that you understand." He turned down a road that looked like it went on forever. "They hit quick and they hit hard. A lot of times around dawn or dusk. Hiding in the ditches along the side of the road, ambushing the patrols. Sometimes they don't even know until it hits." He paused for a long moment. "We…haven't even found some of the bodies the attacks can be so bad. I'm not saying all this to scare you, but I just don't want you to think this is something that its not. This is serious. Not like base."

I took a deep breath and started fiddling with my thumbs. I was to a point where the loud sounds and explosions didn't make me clam up like before, but it still was uncomfortable. I knew I was going to be experiencing that a lot more now so I guess I'd just have to fight through it.

We drove for a really, really long time. My ass was getting numb. I was tired and hungry. And I never wanted to be with Bella more than I did right at this moment.

We finally arrived at camp and settled in. Well I guess you could call it settling in, but that was really a load of shit. I don't think anyone could actually settle in here. They started us on work right away. We'd drive through the streets on the lookout for anything or anyone suspicious. There were a few times that a car exploded right in front of us.

My nerves were on edge all the fucking time. It took two weeks to get my hands to stop shaking. When you wake up in the middle of the night to a machine gun blasting off down the street, it was kind of hard to just relax. Everything put me on alert. Every noise. Every movement. Every feeling. It was exhausting.

"Hey Cullen."

I looked up from my journal and my plate of food. Peter, the new guy, sat down next to me and rested his head in his hands.

"They got you running the night shift?" I asked, taking another bite.

"Fourth time this week. And I'm supposed to go out tonight again," he mumbled.

I looked him over, seeing his haggard expression and the dark circles under his eyes. He was beyond tired; I almost wondered if he should be going out at all. I never thought it was very smart that they sent people out who were this run down. It didn't seem like it would be safe. If it wasn't safe to drive when you're sleepy, then it probably isn't okay to be responsible for a weapon or someone else's life.

"Who are you heading out with?" I asked.

"Uh…I think Smith, Carlson and Bates." He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, trying to wake himself up.

I took another bite of my food and watched him. His eyes fluttered a little, fighting to stay awake, before they floated shut. I felt bad for the guy, I couldn't deny that. I'd gotten lucky and had mostly day shifts; I knew the night shifts were brutal.

"I'll take it Peter," I slapped his back.

"What?" He mumbled.

"I'll take your shift. You need a good nights sleep."

"No man, I don't want to put that on you…"

"Don't even worry about it. I'm sure you'd do the same for me. It's done. I'll go talk to the Captain."

He started to protest again but I laughed and shook my head. "Go to bed Peter."

I stopped by the Captain's "office" and spoke with him about taking Peter's shift before heading back to our room.

"I'm heading out guys. Em can you drop that package off? It's for Bella."

"Sure thing. Be safe bro." He smiled and looked up from his magazine.

"Always am. See you tomorrow."

The other guys looked surprised to see me instead of Peter but they didn't argue. We all got along pretty well. It was hard to not to get attached to these people that you were with everyday, especially when you trusted them with your life. It was also a very stupid thing to do. We'd lost four guys from our unit already, it was painful to make a friend and lose them.

Most of the night passed without incident. We had a few people look at us weird but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. The regular people here were actually really nice. They may not agree with us being here but they still appreciate and respect us. It wasn't the regular people you had to worry about.

I smiled a lazy, tired smirk as I spotted the first glow of the sun starting to peak over the horizon. We were almost done, heading back to camp. I was planning on sleeping all day and then kicking Emmett's ass in poker later. And then it hit.

The blast was so rough it forced my head to smash into the seat in front of me. I cried out as the sharp pain shot through me. An instant later all I could see was the orange flames as I was flying through the air. I hit the ground hard, a ringing in my ear from the blast. My helmet flew off and landed a few feet away from me.

As I lay there trying to catch my breath I could hear their screams. I turned my head and blinked through the smoke. Someone was laying about ten feet in front of the flaming pile that used to be our truck but he wasn't moving. I didn't see anyone else.

I coughed a few times and started crawling towards the body, hoping that whoever they were, they were still alive. I thought the screams were coming from him. As I inched closer and closer I slowly realized that the shrieks were coming from in the truck. They were still inside.

"Damn it!" I breathed. I tried to crawl to them but I couldn't. There was too much pain in my leg. Almost like something sharp was scraping against the bone every time I moved. I reached out to the body laying a few feet in front of me, but I couldn't reach it.

I lay there for a moment, feeling completely helpless. The cries quickly died out as the truck burned and I knew they were dead. They were all dead.

I felt someone run up behind me and grab onto my shoulders. They pulled me up on my feet and I cried out in pain. My leg buckled underneath me, but they held me up. The strain on my shoulders was enough to make me shiver. I tried to manage my weight on my good leg and looked around. I couldn't see their faces.

"Who are you?" I choked.

A man stepped in front of me, carrying a large gun in his hands. He mumbled something to the others in a language I didn't understand. They shared a laugh and an instant later something hard hit my ribs. I gasped and tried to resist their restraint but it was useless.

The man in front of me yelled and pointed to the side. The ones holding me started dragging me along. I dug my heels into the sand, knowing it wouldn't hold. I couldn't let them take me. The last thing I remember before the darkness was seeing Bella's face in my mind. And then…nothing.

I woke up sometime later with a throbbing headache, cold and alone. Or as much as I could tell I was alone. It was dark as shit in here. I brought my hand up to touch the back of my head and winced at the tenderness there. They must have hit me something, knocked me out. I felt along the floor, trying to figure where I was. It was damp, concrete like material. I could tell that my feet and wrists were tied together with something.

Someone coughed beside me in the darkness.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Who the fuck are you?" Someone spat. At least if someone was yelling at me, I was glad it was in English.

I tasted some blood in my mouth and spit to the side. "I'm an American soldier in the United States Army."

"Welcome to the party," he said.

"How long have you been here?"

"Not sure. What month is it?"

"End of June, maybe beginning of July I don't know." I shook my head, realizing I had no idea what the date was. Everything kind of ran together when you were out here and I hadn't brought my Bella calendar with me. I guess knowing the date just wasn't as important as making sure you stay alive.

"Shit," he breathed.

"How long?" I asked again.

"Since the end of May."

Damn it. He's been here over a month. What the hell did they want with us?

"Not a damn thing. They just like to see us suffer…" He muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"You asked what they wanted with us," he said.

"Oh. I didn't realize I said that out loud. I guess I'm starting to lose it."

He laughed. "Buddy, I haven't eaten in probably three days. I'm so tired I can't even stand. And I don't even remember the last time I saw daylight. You haven't lost shit yet."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on whatever I was sitting against. I felt myself growing tired, weak. I eventually let my eyes shut and I drifted away wishing I was in my happy place with Bella. Well, actually anywhere but here.

**Bella**

I shot up in my bed, a cold sweat covering my entire body. My pajamas clung tightly to my skin as my shoulders heaved up and down, gasping for breath. It was my first nightmare in months and it came out of nowhere.

I glanced over at the clock and realized it was the middle of the night. I lay back down and waited for my lungs to stop burning.

"That was weird," I whispered to myself. Masen stretched beside me and cuddled up to my side. I laid in bed for over an hour trying to go back to sleep, but the loud beat of my heart kept me awake. I had this overwhelming sense of panic and I had no idea why.

I finally crawled out of bed at around five, convinced there was no way I was going back to sleep. Charlie was already awake and having his coffee.

"What the hell are you doing up so early?" He laughed.

"Couldn't sleep." I walked over and grabbed a cup and the coffee pot. "Are you working today?"

I cried out as the scolding hot coffee hit my skin. "Fuck!" I instantly dropped the coffee pot and it shattered on the floor, sending coffee everywhere.

"Don't move Bella!" Charlie jumped up. "There's glass everywhere and you don't have any shoes on." He stepped across the floor and made his way to me.

"My arm fucking burns!" I hissed. My skin was red and irritated where the coffee hit. Charlie picked me up and carried me over to the sink, setting me on the counter as he turned the sink on.

"Put your arm under there while I clean this up." He turned around and grabbed a broom and a rag.

"I'm sorry Dad. I guess I'm just having an off day," I mumbled.

"It's okay honey." He bent down and started cleaning up my mess.

Off day does not even begin to describe it. Before I even left for Alice's place I'd managed to step on Masen's tail, bang my head against the cupboard and somehow fall up the stairs. I started to wonder if I should go anywhere today.

I drove extra slow to Alice's place, convinced I was going to get in an accident or get pulled over or something stupid like that. We went shopping at the mall all day. Alice was leaving for L.A. soon and she said that she needed to arrive in style or else they'd kick her out. She insisted on buying an entirely new wardrobe. Her dad's going to shit when he got her credit card bill.

We grabbed a quick bite at the local diner since I knew my dad wouldn't be home for dinner. I hated being alone in that house now. I mean it was always something I longed for before, but now it was terrible. Masen helped a lot but you can only talk to your cat so much before even you start to realize you're crazy.

I dropped Alice off at her place and started home. I reached inside my purse to grab a piece of gum and noticed I'd missed about four calls from our home phone. Maybe my dad was home after all. I guess I could warm him up some leftovers from yesterday. I would have come home if I thought he was going to be here.

I decided not to call him back since I was just pulling into our driveway. As I approached the house I saw Carlisle's car outside and I smiled. I hadn't seen them all week. Maybe they'd stay for dinner and I could make something nice for them.

I parked my truck and started inside. As I stepped into the house I heard voices from both directions. Esme was pacing around the kitchen, her head in her hands as she talked to someone on the phone. She looked upset.

I was about to talk to her when my father's voice caught my ear. The door to his office was slightly open and I could barely see Carlisle standing inside. I crept across the living room and listened.

"I mean Carlisle are they sure? I don't want to tell her if they aren't sure." My dad's voice cracked as he spoke.

"They found the truck early this morning. It was…badly burned. They've identified the three bodies as his colleagues. Two were stuck in the truck, badly burned." He lowered his voice. "They had to go by the dog tags because they were completely unrecognizable."

I froze as my hand brushed against his door and swallowed hard. I couldn't move.

"But he wasn't there?" Charlie asked.

"No. There was no sign of him. He was in that truck Charlie. Someone's either taken him or…"

"But there wasn't another body right?"

"No."

"Well that's a good thing then right?"

"I guess we have to take it as good news." Carlisle nodded.

"I just don't know how to tell her," Charlie said slowly.

I forced myself through the door and tried to blink away the tears.

"Tell me what?" I choked. My eyes darted from Charlie to Carlisle and I knew. I knew something had happened.

"Baby…" Charlie started.

"Tell me." I crossed my arms and started towards him. "Tell me." I felt the tears slip down my cheek. "Tell me!" I screamed. "He's dead isn't he?"

Charlie cleared his throat. "He's…missing."

I felt all the air rush out of lungs as I reached for the desk for some support. I knew my knees would be next. Charlie grabbed me as I hit the ground and pulled me into his arms.

"No. He promised me." I fisted his shirt as I screamed. "He promised me he'd keep breathing." I shook my head. "He promised!"

My head started spinning as the world moved in slow motion around me. And then it was just me and the darkness.

The voices were fuzzy at first. After a while they started becoming clearer and I was able to pick up words and distinct sounds out of the mumbling. I was hoping I was dreaming again. I just had another nightmare and I was waking up. I must have fallen asleep on the couch.

"Charlie she's going to be fine. It's completely normal for a body to shut down when its experiencing trauma. It just couldn't handle it," Carlisle said.

It wasn't a dream. It was real. He was gone. I knew I could open my eyes but I fought it as long as I could. I didn't want to. It would make it even more real. I finally inched them open as I took a shaky breath.

"Bella?" Charlie kneeled down beside me. I realized I was on the couch in the living room. Esme sat in the chair across from me. Carlisle stood behind my father. Jake and Alice were leaning against the wall across the room. I could tell from Alice's tear stained cheeks that she'd been crying.

Charlie brushed a stray strand of hair away from my face and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"Tell me it's not real…" I whispered, still clinging to my one last hope that it wasn't.

"I'm sorry honey."

I nodded and slowly sat up. Charlie sat down beside me as Esme started crying softly.

"Excuse me," she said, getting up from the chair and walking into the other room. Carlisle followed close behind her.

The front door swung open and Rosalie ran in. She looked from the kitchen to the living room before starting towards us. She knelt down in front of me and took my hands in hers.

"What do you need sweetheart?" She whispered.

"I want to go to bed," I mumbled.

I wasn't tired. There was no fucking way I would sleep tonight. I just couldn't take all these people looking at me like I was an abused puppy. I appreciated the concern but it was just making it worse. I was not in the mood to be exhibit A in the Museum of Broken People.

Now that I was awake I knew the pain was going to come. My body had saved me from it once but it wasn't going to be able to do it forever. I was going to feel pain. The worst kind of pain. It was going to shoot through my body like a fucking bullet and I had no idea when it would go away. What if it never went away? What if I felt this gaping hole in my chest for the rest of my life?

Rosalie helped me up and led me up the stairs. After I was tucked in bed she lay down beside me and pulled me close. And then it hit.

She didn't say a word when my entire body started shaking. I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt like this ache in my heart was going to kill me before its next beat.

I didn't understand. He was a good person. I thought bad things were only supposed to happen to bad people. Was he being punished for all the bad things I'd done? Was this my punishment and he was just…collateral damage? It wasn't fair.

I cried. I cried a lot. So much so that I felt like I would never cry again because I'd simply run out of tears. But they kept coming and had no indication that they were ever going to stop.

Missing. It was such a stupid word. What did it even mean anyway? It was what they used when they had no idea what the fuck was going on and didn't want to admit it. I heard Carlisle say they hadn't found his body. Maybe he got away. Maybe he's lying hurt somewhere. Even through this unbearable pain, I felt like if he was dead I would know it in my heart. I was so attuned to him that I would know. I knew something was off today. I would accept that he was probably hurt. But I would not…could not accept that he was gone.

Someone knocked on my door and stepped inside.

"How is she?" Jake asked. "Stupid question." He sat down on the edge of my bed holding a steaming cup. He gave Rosalie a look and handed it to me. "Here Bells. This will make you feel better."

"I doubt it," I said sternly. I took the cup anyway and took a sip. At least the warm tea soothed my throat. It was raw and scratchy from all of the abuse it's taken the past couple of hours.

"Doc said that would help you sleep." Jake smiled.

"Sleep?" I set the cup down. "No I don't want to sleep." I looked frantically back at Rose. "I don't want to sleep," I said quickly. "I don't want to sleep, please." I knew it was too late. He probably put something in the tea to make me sleep, thinking it would help.

I knew the moment I closed my eyes I was going to dream of him. It didn't matter if it was a good dream or a bad dream, I didn't want to dream at all. If I dreamed about being with him I was only going to fall that much harder when I woke up. And if it was a bad dream, then it was no good anyway. I wanted to stay just like this. I was almost to the point where I was numb now. I think all the feeling from my limbs had migrated to my heart and was completely on fire. It was all I could feel and it made me feel nothing at the same time. It was like the pain was numbing out anything else.

"Can I be alone…please?" I mumbled. Rose nodded to Jake and told me to let her know if I needed anything. I did need something. But no matter how much she wanted to she couldn't bring him to me.

After they left, Masen jumped up on my bed and came to sit right next to my head. He stared at me with his big beautiful eyes, like he was wondering what the hell was wrong with me. They always know when something's not right. He nudged his head against mine and licked my hand before settling right on my pillow. I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my cell phone. My fingers shook as I scanned my contacts list and found his number.

It rang five times before his voicemail picked up.

"Hey you've reached Edward. Leave a message and I'll get back you as soon as possible. Thanks."

I hung up and dialed again. And again. I felt the medicine start to do its job and I eventually fell asleep with the phone still in my hand wishing I was somewhere else. Anywhere but here.


	40. Keeping Promises

**A/N: Thanks for waiting guys, I'm all settled in my new apartment and I love it, except for the lack of internet ; ) So I'm sorry if you've sent me PMs or asked a question in your reviews, I just don't have enough access to internet to get to them. I'll try to answer them as fast as I can if the story is not going to answer them. **

**Just an FYI, there are only a few chapters left in this story. I know its crazy, but we're almost there. I don't know exactly how many but probably around 3 or 4 more including the epilogue.**

**Edward**

I've been in this fucking hole for forty-five days. At least I think that its been that long. I started tearing lines in my undershirt to keep track of the days because it was the only way I could keep track of time.

They, whoever the hell they were, brought us some moldy bread and dingy water every couple days. I was never awake when they did. It was always just mysteriously there when I woke up from one of my naps. It was miserable the first week or so but once you get used to that empty pang in the pit of your stomach it was just like breathing.

There were others here. I haven't heard the first guy in awhile. I had no idea if he was still here or dead or if they'd taken him somewhere else. I could hear muffled voices calling out for help in the darkness around me and almost rolled my eyes at them. It wasn't going to do one fucking bit of good and they were wasting their energy.

After the first week or so my restraints had loosened and I was able to slip at least my wrists out. I took no time scooting around the darkness, trying to figure out as much as I could about the place.

I hit more concrete right away and quickly realized I was in a concrete cage. I felt along the wall and finally found a small wooden door. It was locked of course but that didn't stop me from trying to push it open.

I sat by the door for a long time, dozing off every now and then. I squinted my eyes open when I saw a slight glow of light. I thought I was dreaming but I wasn't. I finally saw that there were a few cracks in the door, where the different boards met. I scooted closer and tried to peak through the small slivers. I could actually see a hallway now, or I guess what could be called a hallway. It was more like a tunnel. We were underground, I knew that much.

A guy was coming down the tunnel carrying a small lantern, the source of my little light. I didn't really give a shit what he was doing or who he was, I was just thankful I could get a little bit more information about where the hell I was.

From what I could see it looked like there were several other doors like mine. It was like they were running their own prison down here, except I felt more like an animal. I knew I was badly in need of a shave and a shower. I probably looked like death ran over, but that didn't even compare to how I felt.

"Hey you!" A voice shouted from behind one of the other doors. The man with the lantern turned his way. "Yeah you, you sick bastard, let me out of here." I swear I heard the man left as he shook his head and walked away.

It had become a ritual these past four weeks. The man with the lantern would walk through about once a week and he'd receive a few shouts and insults, but it never resulted in anything. Nothing good anyway. A couple of times I heard guys getting dragged from their cells and hauled outside. And then nothing.

The pain in my leg had become a dull ache and then faded away eventually. It wasn't like I was walking around on it. I knew it didn't heal right, whatever had happened to it. When I got home Carlisle would probably insist on rebreaking it and setting it right or some shit like that.

I tried not to think of home too much, but every night before I went to sleep I'd think of Bella. In all honesty I had no idea if it was really night or if it was the middle of the damn day. I tried to stay awake as much as long as I could, but exhaustion would eventually take over my body and that was my night.

As I floated in and out of sleep I dreamt of home. Part of me was holding onto it with my fingernails, fighting tooth and nail to grasp it with every ounce of hope I had left. The other half of me wished the dreams never came at all. It was almost like it was a cruel reminder of something I might never have again. It was bittersweet.

Sometimes I'd dream of my mother's cookies, or the way my dad laughed when Emmett did something stupid. But it was mostly of her. The way she smelled, or the feel her skin beneath my rough fingertips. For the most part my dreams were void of any noise, but every once in awhile I was granted the sound of her voice. It was the sweetest sound as far as I was concerned. It was a symphony, the world's greatest melody. I always felt myself smile in my sleep when I heard it. I wished I could capture it in a bottle and keep it selfishly for myself when times got hard. And that was pretty damn often.

"Help!" A voice called from the darkness. I panicked for the slightest moment, recognizing it as female. In my jilted frame of mind I thought for an instant that it was Bella and that she was here in this Hell with me. My eyes shot open as the voice rang out again. "Is anyone there?"

I knew the voice. It wasn't Bella but it was someone I knew. Someone from base.

"Clark?" I said softly, squinting out into the hallway.

"Cullen?" She called from the door across from me.

I sighed, half in relief and half in despair. I had no idea how much it would affect me to hear a familiar voice, but I didn't want to at the same time. I didn't want someone else here. No one deserved this.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked.

"They knocked me out. My head hurts a little but I think I'm okay. God we thought you were dead," she sighed.

"Where's my brother? Are him and Jasper okay?" I held my breath waiting for her answer. I could only imagine how they would have reacted after my disappearance, because I know I would have acted the same way if our roles were reversed. I just hoped they hadn't done something stupid.

"They're gone," she said.

My heart sank as I fought back the tears. "What?"

"Left for the States….yesterday."

I shook my head and let out a sigh of relief. They were safe.

"Are they coming back? What are they doing there?"

She didn't say anything.

"Clark?" I asked.

"They're burying you Edward," she said softly.

"No…" I murmured under my breath.

"After you went missing your brother went crazy. He put a hole through the wall of Captain's office, swore he'd find you. Even tried to sneak out in the middle of the night to track you down," she sniffled. "Course Captain wouldn't allow it. So him and Jasper took about every shift they could just hoping they'd catch wind of where you were. After a while even they started to lose hope. You could see it in their eyes every time they came back empty handed. Things like that take a toll on a person no matter how much you want to believe otherwise."

"Damnit." I smacked my head against the hard concrete and cursed again under my breath. _Please don't let her think that. Please._

I was going to get out of here. I promised her and now I'm promising myself to keep breathing.

Clark sniffled again. "Edward I'm scared."

I wanted to comfort her and tell it was going to be okay, but that poor girl was in for the fight of her life. And I didn't even know her first name.

"Hey Clark what's your name? I mean your first name?"

"Sidney," she said softly.

I nodded and decided maybe just talking would calm her down, make her forget for a minute where we were. I knew it was impossible, but I told myself it would help.

"Are you married Sidney?"

"Engaged."

"When's the wedding?"

"It was supposed to be this summer but I got…you know. So I don't know." She paused and I thought I heard her scoot closer to her door. "What about you?"

"No I'm not married," I smiled. "But I should be."

"Tell me about her."

"She can be a pain in the ass," I laughed. "Her dad hired me as her bodyguard and I guess I kind of broke the…code of conduct or whatever."

"Why?"

"Because I fell in love with her and it was the first time I'd ever broken the rules." I ran my fingers through my hair. "But damn I'm thankful I did. She's more than I ever could have imagined for myself."

"Sounds like quite a girl," Sidney said.

"She is." I closed my eyes. "Hey Sidney?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going to get out of here okay?"

"Okay."

When I woke up the next morning there was a plate of food sitting beside me. I winced as I swallowed it, pretending it was a filet minion. It didn't help much. I had to come up with a plan fast. I refused to stay here much longer and I refused to make Bella wait a moment more than she had to. I was ready to start my life with her right now and I was never going to ask her to wait again. It was stupid of me not to marry her when I had the chance.

I don't think these people expected us to fight back once they had us in here. They thought they had the control. I mean sure they had guns and probably a lot more ammunition. We had shit. We had what was on us. But I'll be damned if I wasn't going to fight like Hell with what little I had for my life.

I dozed off again wondering what Bella was doing this very moment. I was delusional enough in that moment to think that she could hear me, like some ESP or shit. It was crazy but I always believed that people with that strong of a connection were more in tune with each other's thoughts and feelings than anyone could ever imagine. I hoped that she knew that I was still here. I was still here with her. I hoped that she could feel my heartbeat and feel my breath on her neck. I hoped that she knew that in my head I was laying right down beside her, holding her in my arms and loving her the way she deserved.

I was going to make it back to her. Or I was going to die trying.

**Bella**

Charlie was talking softly on the phone beside me, glancing my way every now and then. I knew he was talking to Renee. She stayed as long as she could, but she had to get back to her job. I told her to go. She was just getting settled there and I didn't want her to get fired on account of me.

"Yeah the memorial is tomorrow…" he muttered, shooting a sympathetic eye my way.

Memorial. They called it that because they didn't have a body. We were going to stand there and mourn an empty casket like he was really in there. It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. I guess normally it takes about seven years to have a person legally declared dead but in…violent circumstances it can be sooner. I know the Cullens were just trying to have some closure but I wasn't ready to accept that he was dead. Emmett had exhausted himself trying to find Edward. There was nothing to be found. POWs come back all the time. Sure they say it isn't very likely, but whoever they are have no idea how much of a fighter Edward is.

However preposterous my mind thought this was, I couldn't stop my body's reaction. I flinched as Charlie continued talking, laying out all the details of the service. None of them believed me. None of them thought he was still alive. _It's been too long Bella. _Or _He wouldn't want you to be like this Bella; he'd want you to move on._ They don't know what the fuck he'd want or what his promise meant to me. He promised me. I'm still breathing so I knew somewhere, some place so was he. Or at least that's what I tried to tell myself. But even I stopped believing myself after three weeks passed with no sign of him. The truth was that I was drowning in the sadness all around me. No matter how much I tried to keep my hope alive, it dwindled every time I saw their faces. Esme's was the worst. The only other face I've seen display that much despair was the one that stared back at me in the mirror.

Alice was supposed to leave for L.A. a week ago but she stayed for me. She had to leave soon though. She was starting school in a few weeks.

I on the other hand had no idea if I still wanted to go to school. They keep sending me these welcome packets and invitations to orientation so I can get familiar with the campus. The thing is that I don't want it. I don't want any of it anymore. And it's not because I'm clamming up and shutting down like I did before. I'm just sick of doing things because other people think I should. I knew college wasn't right for me. I've always known it. I have no idea what the hell is right for me, but I refuse to be stuck somewhere while I figure it out. I'm going to live my life and maybe along the way I'll find out where I'm supposed to be. If Edward's taught me anything it's to go after what you want and fight like hell for yourself. Well I'm doing it. I'm fighting for myself.

I waited for Charlie to get off the phone with Renee before I went upstairs to go to bed. I knew I wasn't going to sleep, but I couldn't take him looking at me like that anymore. I trudged upstairs and turned my computer on. I knew when Charlie found out what I was doing he'd be furious, but I hoped he'd go easy on me considering what I was going through right now. I typed out my withdrawal and printed it out before sealing it inside the envelope and delicately printing the college's address on the front. I could mail it tomorrow after…

I turned my computer off and crawled into bed. As I snuggled into the covers I glanced at my clock and waited just like I did every night. I waited for the tears to come. I waited for the sobs to tear through my chest to the point where I couldn't breathe. But they never came. After that first night I hadn't shed a single tear and I couldn't understand why. It was like I was stuck in this limbo between mourning him and waiting for him to walk through the door like he always does. Every time I hear the damn door open I rush downstairs thinking that just maybe by some miracle it's him. It never is and I almost curse the person walking through the door for not being him.

I didn't sleep much, but I didn't expect that I would. Alice knocked on my door at eight and pushed me out of bed and towards the shower. I really appreciated everything she was doing for me and I don't think she knew it. I knew how hard it was for her to hide how excited she had been to see Jasper when she was around me. She was devastated for me, I never doubted that, but she felt guilty for feeling an ounce of happiness.

When I returned from my shower she already had my black dress laid out on my bed. She helped me put it on and I mechanically started brushing through my hair, taking my time to get out all the knots. Alice fastened the strand of pearls around my neck and started drying my hair for me as I sat there, my arms hanging limply by my sides.

"You're ready sweetie…" She leaned down and whispered in my ear when she was finished.

"No I'm not…" I mumbled to myself.

"What?"

"Nothing."

I stood up and grabbed my purse and my sunglasses before heading downstairs. Charlie was waiting and dressed at the bottom of the stairs along with Jake. I tried to smile at them as I came down, but I knew it didn't look right. Jake took my hand and led me out to the car. He's been unbelievably supportive through this whole thing. It really meant a lot to me that underneath all the shit we'd been through and done together that we truly were best friends at heart.

We drove in silence to the cemetery. I could feel everyone's eyes shift to me every now and then just to make sure I was all right. I wasn't all right. This was so wrong.

Charlie parked the car and we started towards the small group of people already gathered together. I spotted some flags and a line of people dressed in military uniform. Guns rested lightly over their shoulders and they stared straight ahead like this was nothing.

"Excuse me are you family?" A man asked us as we approached.

"Uh…" Charlie looked towards me for some kind of answer, but I didn't have one. I was his non-official fiancée but I don't know what they considered that.

"Yes they're family," Carlisle said, stepping forward. "You can come right up front honey." He gently took my shoulders and pulled me towards the front. Charlie and Jake hung around the back as Alice took her place beside Jasper. Emmett glanced my way as I came to stand beside him, but it wasn't the same Emmett I knew. The light in his eyes was completely gone.

"Bella I have something for you…" He turned to face me and I noticed his cheeks were tear-stained. "I'm sorry I didn't send them out when he told me to. I forgot." He shrugged and reached inside his jacket. He pulled out a small pouch and handed it to me.

I emptied the contents into my palm and gasped when the metal clanked together. I held up the dog tag and brought it close to my face. His name was on the front, along with his unit number. I flipped it over and ran my fingers over the engraving. _I carry your heart in my heart. All my love._

I read the words over and over again before throwing the necklace around my neck. It landed with a thud on my chest, right over my heart.

A man stepped in front of the crowd and cleared his throat. "Hello everyone." He waited a few moments for the murmuring to settle down before he continued. He glanced down at the ground and for the first time I actually noticed the tombstone. It was simple, yet strong. Just like Edward.

He rambled on for however long, but I wasn't really paying attention. I wasn't here. I couldn't be here right now. Because if I was I would start to feel the weight of my world crashing down on me and I don't know if I could handle it. This was so final, so definite. I wasn't ready for it to be done. I wasn't done waiting for him and now I felt like I couldn't anymore.

I concentrated on the cool metal pressed against my chest as I waited for him to stop talking. A gunshot rang out, knocking me back into the here and now. I jumped as Emmett reached for my hand. The drill sergeant shouted commands to the line of soldiers and they shot again. And again and again. Each time I felt it deeper inside me. The sharp pain started right under the necklace and started radiating throughout my whole body.

I blinked away the unfamiliar dampness in my eyes as my entire body started shaking. I tried to concentrate on Emmett's hand engulfing mine, comforting me. Everything was rushing past me in a blur except for one thing. It moved slower than anything. Two men appeared and slowly folded up the flag draped across the empty casket. Each fold felt like a piercing stab to my heart. My thumb kept anxiously pushing Edward's ring around my finger as I watched.

When the flag was delicately shaped into a perfect triangle, the man knelt before Esme and handed it to her.

"As a representative of the United States Army, it is my high privilege to present you this flag. Let it be a symbol of the grateful appreciation this nation feels for the distinguished service rendered to our country and our flag by your loved one." He nodded and stood, returning back to his line.

Esme turned towards me and extended her arms.

"This belongs to you sweetheart," she whispered. I unconsciously reached out and grabbed the flag, bringing it close to my chest. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead before turning back to the front.

As the guns rang out one last time, the casket was lowered into the ground. Even though I knew he wasn't in there I completely lost it. My knees were shaking so bad I almost collapsed a couple of times. If it weren't for Emmett holding me up, I would have.

"I can't breathe…" I choked. "I can't…breathe." I doubled over, trying to gasp for breath. Carlisle bent down beside me and took me into his arms. "I'm supposed to keep breathing and I can't…" I stuttered. I was crying so hard I doubted he understood what I was saying, but it didn't matter.

Edward was gone. I was gone. The memorial was over and the small group of people started towards the front to offer their condolences to the family, but I couldn't stand there. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett were stronger than me and I wasn't afraid to admit it. It was just the truth. It didn't mean that they loved him any less but they had that strength where they could face people about it. I didn't have that. I couldn't pretend to smile and thank people for coming. I didn't want to be here, I just wanted to be alone with him.

I spun around and started running. My father and Jake called after me, but I didn't stop. My heels eventually flew off my feet and I continued across the grass barefoot. Charlie and Jake ran for the car, but they were completely blocked in. I know they were just worried, but I needed this.

The sharp stones pierced my feet as I hit the road. I fought through the pain and kept running. I ran through town and started towards my house, granting strange looks from a few people. As I turned into my driveway I slowed to a walk, completely out of breath. I look down at my dirty feet as I walk, focusing on the way they squish into the mud along the edge of the road.

When I finally get home I go straight upstairs and start packing a bag. I know I don't have much time. Charlie and Jake were probably going to be home soon. I grabbed Masen and put him, along with some of his food, in his carrier. He looked up at me with big, sad eyes almost like he knew.

I took a piece of paper from my desk and started writing my dad a letter. I knew he'd freak out when he found out I was gone, but I didn't want him to. I just needed some time and as much as he tried he couldn't make this better. When I was finished I read through the letter again.

_Charlie,_

_ Thank you for trying to help me, but I think the only thing that can dull this pain is time. It's never going to go away. I just want to be alone with Edward and say goodbye, so I'm going to our place. I'll be back soon. _

_ Bella_

_P.S. I sent in my withdrawal to the college admissions office._

_P.S.S. Sorry I tracked mud through the house._

I grabbed my bags and started downstairs, leaving the note on the table in the foyer. Charlie would try to look for me, it was only his nature. But I knew he'd never find me. Edward and I were the only ones who knew this place even existed and he was the only one who could find me there. I only wished it would really happen.

It took me longer than I thought to find it, but I finally did. I handed the guy the wad of cash and told him I'd call him if I needed to stay longer than the two weeks I'd just paid him for.

I smiled a little as I looked up at the cabin. The snow was gone, replaced wet, green grass. I guess even up here you couldn't escape it. I carried Masen and my bag up the steps and pushed the door open.

I didn't know just seeing this place would have such an affect on me, but it shook me right down to my core. I shuddered and started right into the bedroom. I set Masen down and opened his cage. He stretched and started exploring the room a little bit as I started a fire in the fireplace. I rubbed my hands together and started towards the bed. The exhaustion of the last month finally caught up with me and I collapsed onto the bed, pulling the covers all around me. Masen jumped up and came to sit right next to me. He spun around and around in circles before laying down beside me. I wrapped my arm around him as he snuggled into my stomach. For an instant I swore I felt Edward lying beside me, wrapping his warm arms around the both of us. I ignored the reality that it was probably just the heat of the fire and went on with my fantasy. It was better than the real world that I was trying to shut out. For tonight I could pretend that he was here and that we were happy. For tonight.

**A/N:**

** I can never say it enough, thank you to all the soldiers and their families for what you endure everyday. It does not go unnoticed and you are amazing. **

**I did some research on the procedures for a military funeral and it appeared that its very specific to the person and their exact case so I hope I did it justice. I tried to do the best I could. **

**Thanks for all your support guys, I'll update as soon as I possibly can : )**


	41. Escape

**A/N: Not much to talk about today, other than you should be realllly excited for this chapter. My wonderful prereader secamimom may have even uttered the words "favorite chapter". And if you aren't reading her story Healing the Divide, get your ass over there and show her some love. **

**Also just a heads up that there are two more chapters after this, including the epilogue before we're finished. I know, hard to believe. Enjoy : )**

**Bella**

I literally spent the next seven days in bed, leaving only to eat, go to the bathroom and occasionally shower. Even Masen seemed to grow tired of lying around all day and left me a lot to go explore the rest of the cabin. Charlie called, just like I knew he would. I didn't answer the first couple of days because I knew he'd be furious that I just left. In my defense I had left a note, he couldn't be that mad. When I finally picked up he begged me to tell him where I was and who I was with, but I refused. There was nothing to tell. He eventually agreed to give me my space as long as I called every couple of days just to check in. I figured that wasn't too much to ask and didn't involve me physically getting out of bed.

My phone rang again after I'd just checked I with Charlie and I grumbled, wondering what he wanted now.

"What?" I asked, not bothering to look at the caller I.D.

"Bella?" Esme asked.

"Esme." I shot out of bed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Hi."

"Hi," she laughed softly. "Listen I talked to your dad and he said you were taking a…vacation."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I just needed some time, you know?"

She hesitated and took a deep breath. "I have something for you and I know you don't particularly want to be found, but I was wondering if you'd meet me somewhere. You can pick the place, I'll go anywhere you'd like." She seemed nervous and I won't lie, but it peaked my interest.

I thought through my route here, trying to pick a place far enough away that they couldn't find me afterwards. "There's a diner, café thing on 20, just past the 101. Can you meet me there at four?"

"Sure thing. I'll see you then."

I rolled out of bed and pulled my hair back into a pony. Masen's food dish was overflowing so I knew he'd be okay for a couple of hours. I hurried outside and got into my truck. It shouldn't take me more than an hour to get there. It was pretty much a straight shot down 20.

I trusted Esme but there was a small part of me that was scared she was just scoping out where I was. I felt like my dad was going to come busting around the corner, lights on and sirens blaring as soon as I parked the truck. I knew he got anxious when he came to me but sometimes he just needs to chill the fuck out.

I held my breath as I pulled into the diner, nervously looking around for any sign of trouble. I easily spotted Esme's car, but I didn't see anything else suspicious so I parked the car and walked inside. She waved me over from the corner booth and stood as I approached. The diner was just like any old shit hole you find along the highway. Bad help, tacky decorations and extra greasy food.

"Hi honey." She pulled me into her arms and gave me a tight squeeze. I barely returned the favor.

We sat down in the booth and the waitress took my drink order as Esme sipped from her water.

"Are you okay Bella? You look a little…tired." She shrugged.

"It's okay you can say I look like shit, I know I do." I pulled my sunglasses off and set them on the table.

She offered an apologetic smile as the waitress set down my drink.

"Are you two ready to order?" She asked, pulling out a pad of paper.

"Can I just get a BLT and a side of fries please?" I looked down at my hands as I spoke. They fidgeted nervously, almost beyond my control. I had no idea what was so important that Esme had to see me now, but to be honest unless she was bringing her son back to me it didn't seem all that important.

Esme placed her order but stayed silent after the waitress left.

"So…you said you have something for me?" I asked.

"Yes." She smiled slightly and started rummaging in her bag. "Honestly I didn't know if I should give it to you. It was going to be yours…I mean it is yours anyway, but I just think…he wanted to give it to you. I was going to give it to you after the memorial but you took off rather quickly and I never got the chance." She pulled out a small, black box and set it on the table.

My breath hitched in my throat as I stared down at it. It seemed harmless enough. It's just a box right? But it wasn't the box that scared me. I was pretty sure I knew what was in that box and that's what terrified me. It was my engagement ring.

My fingers felt along the soft sides of the box, debating whether or not I wanted to open it.

"Do you want me to give you some privacy?" Esme asked, starting to get up out of her seat.

"No. Please stay," I mumbled.

I slowly inched open the box and pulled my hands back as soon as it snapped upright. The ring sat delicately perched on a soft pillow. It was unlike any I'd seen before, but with Edward that didn't surprise me. It definitely reminded me of him.

"It was his grandmother's. He sent it to the jeweler's to get it resized when he was here for Prom and I went and picked it up the next week. I was saving it for him to…" She trailed off and looked out the window, trying to hold back her tears. "I know this isn't the perfect proposal you were hoping for, but I think he'd want you to have it regardless."

My fingers shook as I took the ring from its place. I brought it close and examined it closely, taking in all the little details. The band almost looked tarnished, but not in a way that cheapened it or made it look any less beautiful. If anything it added to its beauty, bringing an element of class to it. The diamond was the perfect size and was bordered by several smaller diamonds, enclosing it like they were keeping it safe. I smiled a little to myself as I slid it effortlessly on my finger.

"I told him you were a 6." Esme smiled.

"Yeah?" I blew out a large gust of air and stared down at my hand. The ring looked like it belonged there, sitting peacefully on the ring finger of my left hand. I know it was a little silly since I guess I wasn't technically engaged, but it was my engagement ring and I was going to wear it like I damn well pleased.

The waitress dropped our food in front of us and quickly disappeared back into the kitchen. I nibbled on my fries and sandwich, but I wasn't really that hungry. I was just waiting to see what else Esme had to say.

"Emmett and Jasper went back yesterday," she said, eyeing me as she ate her salad. "We had Charlie over for dinner a couple of nights ago, he didn't look like he'd been sleeping much and apparently Jake has…"

As she rambled on I felt my fists clenching tight just listening to her.

"Esme, no offense, but is there a point to you telling me all this?" I shook my head.

She was silent for a few moments as she pushed the lettuce around in her bowl. "Bella won't you come home? Please?"

"Did Charlie ask you to come here?" I pushed my plate forward. I've never in my life been irritated with this woman, and despite the fact I knew she was just trying to help, I was on my last nerve.

"No. It's just…everyone misses you."

"Well I'm not here right now okay? I just lost the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with and I'm not…here right now. I just need some time. Please try to understand." I felt a warm tear slid down my cheek and crash onto the table below me. "Please," I stuttered.

"Okay."

We said our goodbyes and I waited for Esme to disappear down the road before I started back. The phone calls started before I even stepped through the cabin door. Alice was the first and the only one I actually answered.

"Hi Alice."

She didn't say anything.

"Alice?"

"Do you know what today is Bella?"

"No." I guess I hadn't really kept track of dates up here. I had no idea.

"I'm….sitting at the airport waiting to board my plane. And this whole time I kept thinking that you'd show up to say goodbye to your best friend. And you just….didn't."

I slumped down onto the bed and buried my head in my hands.

"I'm so sorry Al, I forgot it was today." I felt like an asshole. This day was turning into the fucking rollercoaster from hell and I wanted off.

"I stayed for you Bella. And you went off and left and now…." She huffed. Alice never got mad at me, ever. Well maybe when I didn't like some outfit she was trying to force me into, but never like this. "I have to go my plane is boarding."

"Al wait…"

"I have to go." She hung up and I was left stunned, listening to a dial tone.

As soon as I set my phone down it rang again. My dad left a voicemail. Jake texted me. And my dad called again.

I ran my fingers through my hair and stared down at my phone. Why can't they just fucking leave me alone? Why can't they trust me to deal with this on my own and not check on me every damn second of the day? The sound of my own sobbing scared me for a moment before I allowed it to consume me. Why did he have to leave? How could anyone possibly want to hurt someone as amazing and as kind as he is? When will this fucking ache in my chest go away? I felt like I had all these questions and would never get an answer for any of them. The only response I got was another call from my dad.

I instantly grabbed my phone and hurled it against the wall. It crashed into pieces and fell to the ground. I stood there, my shoulders heaving as I stared at it almost waiting for it to ring again somehow. When it didn't I collapsed back onto the bed and took a deep breath, thankful for the uninterrupted silence.

I needed to talk to Edward. I know that wasn't necessarily possible but I had to make it work somehow. I had some things I needed to tell him and since I destroyed my phone, leaving a voicemail that he'd never get wouldn't do.

I rolled over and pulled a piece of paper from the nightstand. Even if I knew he'd never read this, I needed to get it out or it was going to consume me.

_Edward,_

_I need to learn to let you go and I'm failing miserably. It wouldn't be so hard if I didn't keep getting little reminders of you, but I don't want them to go away. I almost feel like they're trying to tell me something, like maybe you aren't really gone. I know I'm just prolonging the pain by thinking that but I can't get my heart to accept any other future than one that has you in it. Where do I go now? I'm not going to college; I can't stay in Forks forever. I guess maybe this is life's fucked up way of making me figure it out on my own. Maybe I'll just take a road trip, just me. Maybe I'll go visit Alice, since I obviously owe her a major apology. I screwed up. I feel like I do that a lot, but the one thing that I always prided myself on was being with you. I wanted to be good enough for you Edward. You gave me more strength and more love than I ever thought I deserved and maybe now I'm free of the crutches and restraints that used to hold me down. Maybe I shouldn't look at this whole not going to college as a bad thing. It doesn't mean I don't have options, it means that I have a ton of options. I'm never going to stop missing you baby and I'm never truly going to give up hope that I'll see you again someday, but I think I'm finally ready to say goodbye. _

I finished with the words he scripted on the back of the dog tags he sent me and signed my name. I wiped away my tears and folded the paper three times. Masen watched me carefully from his spot at the end of the bed as I slowly crept across the room and over to the fireplace. It took me five times to light it, but when I finally did the wood quickly caught and blasted me with a wave of warmth.

Masen jumped down from the bed and nestled in beside me as I twirled the letter slowly in my fingers.

"Goodbye love," I whispered, tossing the letter into the fire.

**Edward**

I've forced myself to stay awake as long as I could. I slept in short intervals, asking Sidney to wake me up every now and then so I didn't sleep too long. I needed to study them, the people who were holding us. I needed to know when they walked through here, when they ate, when they breathed, even when they took a shit. It was the key to everything.

I'd only seen two different guys pass through here, but I was sure there were more outside. I had no how idea many, there could be fifty more and we could be goners as soon as we see daylight. Or there could be two more and we could take our chances and run like hell. The thing is we won't know until we get there, but I knew both of us were willing to take that chance. I debated freeing all the others, but as much as I hated to say it I didn't think it was possible right now. I'd get as many as I could along the way, but I felt like a big group might hurt us more than help us. We'd probably all scatter anyway, try to get to the nearest town and find someone who was on our side. The point was to be as invisible as possible. I never, ever wanted to leave another soldier behind so I'd fight for as many as I could. One way or another we were all getting out of here. Every last one.

The only time they ever entered any of our cells was either to drag someone out or give us that disgusting filth they called food. I figured that was our chance. I noticed that they always passed over the ones that were awake. That's why I never saw them deliver my food. I'd never paid attention until now, but it was a system. They'd march down the tunnel, peaking into each cell through one of the slits and checking to see if we were asleep. Probably thought we were too stupid to fake it. When they were sure they unlocked the door and quickly slid the plate in before shutting it again. We had only a few moments to get it right. And if it went wrong, it was going to go really, really wrong.

I heard the scraping of a door down the way and crawled quickly towards my door. It was time.

"Sidney," I said softly.

"Yeah?"

"It's time, you know what to do."

I crept back to my position and let my body relax as I exaggerated my breathing. I tried not to tense as I heard them approach my door. The instant I heard my lock click, Sidney's screams rang out. My eyes shot open and I turned around just in time to see the man start to turn his head around towards her cell. This was it. It was now or never.

I launched myself towards my door before the guy even knew what was happening. As I slammed into his body I pulled him inside with me and forced his arms behind his back. He struggled against me and I could feel him trying to reach into his waistband, probably for some type of weapon. I frantically searched him the best that I could and found a small handgun.

"If you want to live one more day on this earth stop struggling and kept your mouth shut," I said. "I will have no problem killing you if I need to. Do you understand?"

He nodded quickly and stopped resisting against my hold.

"Now how many others are out there?"

"Eight," he said, his English barely understandable.

"Are they all armed?"

He nodded again.

"Is there another way out of here besides the front?"

"Fuck you," he mumbled. "Stupid American pig." He tried to spit on me and started screaming for help.

I instantly brought the gun to his temple and he became silent.

"One more fucking word and I'll pull the trigger." I glanced back out at the door waiting for someone else to come. They didn't. "Now is there another way out of here?"

He didn't answer.

"Fine. If that's how it's going to be." I struggled to stand us both up and walked us towards the door. I peaked out into the hallway to make sure we weren't being watched and continued over to Sidney's cell. "Unlock it," I told the man. I released his hands but kept the cool shaft of the gun on his skin. He fumbled with the set of keys hanging from his waistband and started trying them on Sidney's padlock. He finally found the right one, which I think he knew all along, and opened her cell. For the first time since we've been here I saw her. Her blonde hair fell lifelessly around her dirt stained face. And she was pale and thin, way too thin to survive much longer.

"Can you stand?" I asked her.

"I think so," she answered as she tried to. She faltered a little, but finally stood up straight.

"Okay now give her your keys," I told the man as I nodded towards her. He threw his keys on the floor at her feet. "Come on."

I ripped a part of my jacket off and tied it around the man's mouth as a gag. Another part restrained his wrists behind him. I knew they wouldn't last long, but hopefully long enough for us to get out of here. We locked the cell back up and started down the tunnel. There were four others here; only two were alive when we opened their cells. I didn't recognize the guys but it didn't matter. We slowly inched our way down the dark tunnel, alert to any sound or movement. The tunnel started getting lighter and lighter and suddenly we were met with an almost blinding blast of light. I could already tell that it wasn't the middle of the day; the sun was low in the sky. But when you've been in darkness for that long, any bit of light was like looking right into a light bulb.

I squinted into the sun and crouched down, unsure if we'd just walked right to them. As my eyes adjusted I saw nothing but boulders and sand. I held my hand out, indicating for the rest to stay there while I did some investigating. I wanted to know exactly what we were walking into if I could.

I crept silently along the large rocks, keeping my back pressed against their hot surface until I heard voices. I held my breath and slowly poked my head around the edge of the rock. A group of about five men sat around a small table playing cards and drinking, their guns prominently displayed on their hips or resting against the table. I took the opportunity to look around a little bit. We were definitely at the base of some mountain; they must have constructed our jail from one of the caves or natural tunnels. I thought maybe if we could just go up the mountain a little, just enough to get past the men, we could get out. Or at least just away from them which was the first step. There was a small ridge above these rocks here that looked like it continued around the base of the mountain so I guess that'd be our target. I took one last look at the men and started back to the group.

"Okay. There's some men sitting around that rock there, but they aren't playing attention and they look like they're almost shitfaced so here's what we're going to do…" I pointed to the mountain behind us. "There's a small pathway just up there. We're going to use that to work our way around the mountain and as soon as we get far enough away we'll figure out our next step. Just one step at a time okay?"

They all nodded and took the few steps up to the boulder. We all helped Sidney up before jumping up ourselves. I held my breath, waiting to see if they'd heard or seen us. They seemed to carry on contently playing their cards.

"Okay," I whispered. "Up on that ledge there." I pointed beside us and started towards them. I went up first, followed by Sidney and the other two guys. The ledge was barely enough for my feet to fit so I knew we'd have to go slow with this. It was a long fall down.

I started shuffling along, feeling the beads of sweat start to roll down my face. A stray stone tumbled from the ledge, down to the ground below and shattered. I stopped for a second and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down a little. "Just breathe," I told myself.

My eyes shot open at the sound of screaming coming from the tunnel. He must have gotten the restraints off. The group of men darted inside as I started moving again. We had no time now. They knew we were out.

"Okay we've got to move fast. Watch your feet." I didn't bother whispering now, we just needed to get out of here.

More yelling echoed out of the cave a few moments before the men emerged. They searched across the landscape, looking for any sign of us. I cursed under my breath when one of the men pointed in our direction. We were only a few feet from the curve. That curve meant freedom to me, or at least as much freedom as I was going to get at this point. The men raised their guns and started shooting at us. The bullets ricocheted off the rock behind us, throwing dust and shards all around us. We all started scrambling, moving our feet as fast as they would go. Sidney screamed as the last guy lost his footing and plummeted down to the rocks below. Another round of bullets rang out around us and I ducked, barely missing one.

I finally reached the corner and whisked myself around it before grabbing for Sidney. She screamed out again as I pulled her around.

"Th-th-they s-s-shot him," she stammered, tears running down her cheeks. I didn't bother looking around the corner again, fearing that I wouldn't be as lucky the next time bullets were flying at my head.

I pulled her close to me and looked behind us. For the first time, I uttered a sigh of relief. The path widened and continued weaving around the side of the mountain.

"I need you to run okay? We're going to run."

She nodded through her tears and we took off down the path. We ran farther and faster than I ever had. I had no idea which direction we were going or where the hell we were. All I knew is that we weren't back there and that was all that mattered. The path led us around the mountain and eventually angled down into the sand hills. Once we hit the sand we slowed our pace a little, Sidney seemed a little tired and I was too.

Darkness fell quickly across the sand and it instantly cooled the atmosphere. We couldn't have been free for more than an hour, but each second dragged on. All I could see ahead of us were the dark shapes of hills sitting endlessly along the horizon. We were in the middle of fucking nowhere and if we didn't find somewhere cool to stay for the day tomorrow we were going to die of dehydration and overheating.

"Edward I can't….run anymore. Please," Sidney cried. She stopped instantly and collapsed onto the sand, clutching her shoulder.

"Okay…" I crouched down beside her. "It's okay, we can take a break."

We rested for a good fifteen or twenty minutes before I stood back up and tried to help Sidney stand as well. She winced and collapsed back onto the ground.

"What's wrong? What is it?" I asked.

"My shoulder. It's burning."

"Let me see." I knew I wasn't going to be able to see much in the darkness, but I thought it was worth a look.

She slipped her jacket off, hissing as the material brushed over her shoulder. My breath hitched in my throat when I saw it. Even in the night I could see the dark blood stain on her shoulder.

"Okay hold still." I slowly ran my finger along her shoulder, easily feeling the bullet hole. She cried out in pain and I pulled away. "Sorry."

"What is it? Is it bad?"

"Sidney you've been shot, but it's not bad. You're going to be okay." I might have been lying. In all honesty the injury wouldn't have been serious in almost any other situation, but slowly losing blood in the middle of nowhere could be deadly. She was going to grow weak, too weak to travel anywhere. There sure as hell weren't people out here looking for us if they thought we were dead.

I spotted a smaller boulder in the distance and thought it would provide good cover for a while so I can figure out what the hell I'm going to do. I scooped Sidney up into my arms and carried her over to sit beside the rock. She rested her head gently on my shoulder as I leaned back against the rock, a million thoughts running through my head. The handgun I'd taken lay on my lap, ready if it was needed.

Sidney drifted in and out of sleep during the night, becoming more incoherent. She mumbled sometimes and I could tell the loss of blood was starting to affect her.

I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn't. I thought that I was helping by getting us out of that hellhole back there and now she was going to die because of it. Maybe she had a better chance before.

"Damnit," I cried to myself. I buried my head in my hands and just fucking cried.

When I opened my eyes again I saw two lights in the distance, almost like headlights. I blinked and looked again, just to make sure I wasn't imagining it. But there they were, coming towards us. I realized it was most likely one of two people. Us or them. I was praying to God it was us, but even if it wasn't I could at least get a car and get her out of here.

I laid Sidney gently down in the sand and grabbed hold of my gun as I crept towards the lights. I didn't want to reveal myself until I had to or I knew who it was. I wasn't about to get toted back to my cell again.

As I got closer I saw a slight indentation in the sand in front of me, which pretty much signaled a road out here. There was a small dip on each side so I hid in the trench and waited for the truck to get closer. It stopped about a hundred yards from me and turned its lights off. The desert was eerily silent. The only thing I could hear was my ragged breathing that I was trying desperately to control.

I waited a few minutes before I decided to peak my head up. I couldn't see anything at all. It was complete darkness again. I was just about to get up when I felt the gun violently press into my back.

"Don't move," a rough voice said. "Drop your weapon."

I dropped my gun to the ground and sighed. Shit. I took the chance and decided to speak.

"My name is Lieutenant Edward Cullen and I'm a solider in the United States Army." I held my breath as I waited. The barrel of the gun instantly dropped from my back, but the person behind me didn't say anything.

I started to turn around, but I was instantly tackled to the ground.

"Jasper!" Emmett yelled. It was Emmett. He didn't tackle me, he was hugging me. "Jasper it's Edward!" He cried.

"Em?" I said.

"Of course it is you crazy son of a bitch. God I love you little brother!" He pulled me closer and laughed through his tears. I heard someone run up beside us and drop their weapon to the sand.

"Edward?" Jasper asked.

"Jazz?" I tried to talk, but Emmett was cutting off my air supply.

Jasper suddenly leaped into the dog pile and started acting just like Emmett.

I've never felt so much relief in my entire life. I was saved. They found me. And I was going to go home.

"Cullen! Hale! Report!" Yorkie yelled in the distance.

"It's my brother!" Emmett yelled. "It's Edward!"

"What the hell?" Yorkie yelled, running up beside us. "Well get off him!"

They instantly leaped off me and helped me to my feet. Captain Yorkie looked me up a down, a look of sheer disbelief in his eyes. He took a few steps towards me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Damn good to see you boy!" He slapped my back hard and laughed.

"Are you hurt? Are you alone?" Jasper asked.

"No I…" My mind shot back to Sidney. "I've got an injured soldier back here. She's been shot in the shoulder and needs medical attention."

I directed them back to Sidney and we carried her to the truck. Yorkie drove like a bat out of hell back to the base and I never ever thought I'd be so happy to get back there. Emmett put his arm around my shoulders as we rode along, not caring if it looked weird or not. The smile on his face never faded.

Everyone hugged me when I got back on base and told me how glad they were to see me. I quickly told Captain Yorkie where they had kept us, telling him that there were a few bodies back there that deserved a proper burial. He said they'd head out with a team in the morning.

I needed a shower desperately, but the first thing I wanted to do was call my family. I picked up the phone and held it in front of me, staring at the numbers. I blinked away the tears and started dialing Bella's number, barely believing that I was actually going to hear her voice.

It rang and rang and eventually went to voicemail. I decided this wasn't really the type of thing to leave on a voicemail so I decided to call Esme and try Bella back after that.

I quickly dialed our phone number and she picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?" Esme said.

"Momma?" I stuttered.

I heard her gasp into the phone.

"Edward?" She whispered.

"Yeah."

"Oh thank God," she cried. "Thank you God. Carlisle!" She yelled.

The tears started pouring out as she talked. It was like one of things when you were okay until you talked to or saw your mom, and that's when you completely lose it. That used to happen to me all the time when I got sick at school. I was perfectly fine until my mom came to pick me up and as soon as I saw her the tears started cascading down my face.

"Son?" Carlisle picked up the other line.

"Hey Dad…" I cried.

We sat on the phone for over an hour crying with each other. They told me how much they loved me and how much they wanted me to come home. As soon as the doctor cleared me, I was on the first flight out according to Yorkie. Home Sweet Home.

I hung up the phone and dialed Bella's number again. After it went to voicemail again I just decided to call her house.

"Hello?" Charlie answered.

I took a deep breath before I spoke. "Charlie?"

"Who is this?"

"It's Edward."

All I could hear on the other end was heavy breathing, like he was trying to catch his breath.

"I need to speak to Bella is she there?" I asked.

"Uh…no she's not."

"When will she be back? I tried calling her cell phone and it keeps going to voicemail."

"I don't know when she'll be back."

"Well where the hell is she?"

"I don't know. She took off after the…memorial. Won't tell me where she is or when she's coming back." He sighed. "No offense, but how the hell are you alive right now?"

"I'll tell you more when I get back. I'll be home tomorrow, probably late. Can you try to get ahold of her please?"

"I'll try."

"Thank you."

"Uh…Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're alright son."

"Me too. Bye."

I hung up, frustrated and completely unsatisfied. All I wanted was to talk to Bella and they don't even know where she is. Sometimes that stubborn, "do it on her own" side of her really created some problems.

I went to the showers and took the best one of my life. It's funny how you really appreciate the little things after going through something like I just had. My cotton shirt was the softest thing I'd ever felt. My thin cot was the most comfortable bed I'd ever slept in. And tomorrow was going to be one of the best days of my life.

**A/N: I'll tell you a secret about the next chapter. REUNION!**


	42. As It Should Be

**A/N: So ask anyone who I've been talking to on twitter about it, I am terrified of endings. Absofuckinglutely terrifed. And it's not because I don't really know what I want to do with it or anything like that I just don't want it to be a disappointment and I never feel like its good enough. I know how much a shitty ending can totally ruin a story you've fallen in love with and I never ever want to do that to my readers, so I really hope that this last chapter puts a smile on your face. **

**Reminder there will be an epilogue and it should be posted either this weekend or early next week. Work is starting to get busy so I want to make sure to finish this up properly.**

**Lastly, I was completely overwhelmed by the reviews for the last chapter. I'm certain beyond a doubt that it's the most I've received for a single chapter of ANY of my stories so thank you so much it means a lot to me. : )**

**Now really lastly, remember there is a multichapter playlist for the last few chapters on the blog. So check it out.**

**Edward**

When I woke up the next morning my leg was throbbing. I guess my adrenaline was so high last night that I didn't feel the pain. When you're fighting for your life that pain in your leg doesn't seem to matter much.

I lifted Emmett's arm off me and sat up. He had pulled his cot right next to mine last night. Jasper's was right at my feet. I was basically trapped in by cots and sleeping guys.

There was a knock on the door and a guy I didn't recognize peeked his head inside.

"Cullen?" He asked.

"Yeah," I mumbled, my voice still half asleep.

"Captain wants to see you before you head to the infirmary." His eyes were fixed on our odd arrangement.

"Alright I'll be right there." I turned myself around and dropped my feet to the floor by the head of my bed. I quickly changed into some clean clothes and started down to the Captain's office.

"You're limping," he said as I went to take a seat.

"Yeah I'll get it looked at. It'll be fine."

"Happy to be back?" He smiled.

"I'll be happier once I'm home sir. There's a girl I really need to see."

He nodded and stood from his desk.

"I'm proud of you son. And I'm happy to tell you that you're being honorably discharged and will be receiving several medals. You've sacrificed enough Cullen. You're a damn good soldier and we were lucky to have you, but your time is done. Go be with your family. And that girl." He winked and handed me some papers.

I'm discharged. I don't ever have to worry about coming back again. I could be with Bella. I could marry her and we could spend the rest of our lives together.

I nodded with a smile and started towards the door.

"Don't forget to stop by the infirmary before you leave for the airport. Your last orders." He dismissed me and I went straight to the infirmary. I really didn't think there was anything that they could do about my leg here, but I wanted to check on Sidney too.

The nurse led me into a curtained off area and sat me down on a bed. They ran a lot of tests and asked me about any injuries I might have received. After about an hour the doctor came back, holding a clipboard.

"Surprisingly you're in pretty good overall health. A little malnutritioned and dehydrated but that should correct itself once you start eating better. Looks like you took a good whack on the head, but it's nothing serious. Your leg on the other hand was probably at least a hair line fracture. The nurse said its been giving you some pain?"

"Just a little."

"Well it most likely didn't heal right and that's why."

I knew that much already.

"I'm going to give you some pain medications to hold you over until you can see a doctor back in the states."

"My dad's a doctor so that won't be too long," I laughed.

"Oh. Good then, I'll forward your medical records on. Try to stay off the leg as much as possible. I won't lie to you, he'll probably have to rebreak it and set it so it can heal right. Otherwise you'll have problems with it the rest of your life."

"Thanks Doc." I jumped off the table. "Uh…the girl that they brought in with me. How is she?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself. She's in bed 3." He nodded across the room towards one of the curtained areas.

"Thanks."

I quickly found the area with a 3 hanging above it, but realized I couldn't knock on a curtain.

"Knock, knock…" I shrugged.

"Come in," she called.

I pushed the curtain aside and was met with a smile.

"Wow you're looking good." I sauntered around to the side of her bed and put my hands in my pockets.

"Careful. I'm a soon to be married woman," she teased.

I couldn't lie though, she looked like a completely different person already. Sure she was still a little banged up but she wasn't scared anymore and her color had improved just being out of that damn cell.

"I expect an invitation."

"Will you be bringing that girl you were raving about?"

"I hope so. Keep in touch eh?" I smiled and started to leave.

"Hey Edward?"

I stopped and turned towards her.

"Thanks. For saving my life," she said.

"You're welcome. I'll see you soon."

I hurried back to my room, anxious to get my things back and head to the airport. Emmett was pacing around the room, his fists anxiously balled tight at his sides. He relaxed instantly as soon as he saw me.

"I woke up…I woke up and you weren't there. Where did you go?" His face was slightly panicked.

"I had to go see the Captain and I had to stop at the infirmary," I said slowly.

"Could you like…leave a note next time or something? I didn't know where you were…"

"Sorry Edward, he's a little paranoid…you know."

"You won't have to worry about me anymore Em." I smiled and held up my papers. "They're sending me home. For good."

"No shit?" Emmett said.

"No shit."

"Thank God. I won't have to worry about your ass all the time." He sunk down onto his cot, looking more relieved than I've ever seen him. "Being a big brother is exhausting."

I laughed and started packing my things into my duffel bag. My plane left in a few hours.

Emmett and Jasper drove me to the airport. I gave them both a hug and told them to do as I say not as I do and stay safe. It was a little frustrating leaving them behind, still in harm's way, but all I could think about was getting home now. I had to trust that they would take care of themselves.

It was the longest flight of my life, but I started getting nervous the closer we got to home. A part of me was wondering if she'd be at the airport waiting for me. Maybe they'd found her or talked to her somehow. Maybe she knows.

I held my breath as the plane landed and started getting my things together. People started loading off the plane, but I strangely couldn't get my feet to move. I was the last one off the plane. The stewardess smiled at me as I passed and welcomed me to Seattle. She had no idea how good those words sounded right now. The only thing that could make it better was a certain brunette waiting for me inside.

It was crowded as I made my way through the crowd. It thinned a little as I got closer and closer to the security area. If she was here, she'd be waiting behind that wall in front of me. I held my breath and rounded the corner. I heard my mother start crying as I was blinded by a flash of light.

I blinked a few times and tried to focus on the group of people in front of me. Esme started running towards me as Carlisle discreetly tried to wipe a tear from his eye. Charlie and Jake were there. Jake was holding a "Welcome Home" sign. There were reporters and cameras all around me. But she wasn't here.

I tried not to feel disappointed as my mother wrapped her arms around me and told me how much she loved me. I let go of any sadness I felt and hugged her back.

"I missed you Momma…" I whispered in her ear.

"I missed you baby." She laughed through her tears and pulled back to plant a kiss on my cheek.

I walked forward and shook Carlisle's hand as he pulled me in for a hug.

"Good to see you son."

Jake laughed and gave me a hug. "Congrats man. Welcome home."

"Thanks." I eyed Charlie as I stared towards him. He shuffled his feet nervously back and forth as he tried to speak.

"I couldn't find her Edward. I'm sorry. I tried," he mumbled.

"It's okay. We'll find her. Don't worry." I gently patted his shoulder and adjusted my bag on my shoulder. "Let's go home."

I smiled as we walked outside and could actually feel the moisture in the air. I used to complain about it all the time, but now I welcomed it. It was the second best feeling in the world. And as soon as I got back home I was going to work on finding the first.

Charlie pulled me aside before I got into Carlisle's car and handed me a note.

"This is the note that she left when she left. She's called once or twice and Esme's seen her, but we don't know where she's staying," he said.

"Okay thanks." I tucked the note in my back pocket and got in the car.

Esme rode in the back with me the entire time, her hand tightly gripped around mine.

When we got home I literally just laid on my bed for about an hour. I didn't listen to music or flip through my books, I just laid there taking it all in.

I turned over and buried my head in my pillow. Bella must have slept here a lot. There was the slightest hint of her delicious smell.

I pulled the note from my back pocket and started to read it over. I hoped that there was something in here that could help me find her. I needed to find her.

_Charlie,_

_ Thank you for trying to help me, but I think the only thing that can dull this pain is time. It's never going to go away. I just want to be alone with Edward and say goodbye, so I'm going to our place. I'll be back soon. _

_ Bella_

_P.S. I sent in my withdrawal to the college admissions office._

_P.S.S. Sorry I tracked mud through the house._

The last part made me laugh, but my eyes were focused on one part. _I'm going to our place. _I felt bad for not knowing our place. It could be anywhere.

I started downstairs and grabbed the keys to my car. The only place I could think of right now was the meadow. I couldn't imagine Bella staying out there, but it was worth a shot.

I hurried over to Charlie's and started through the woods. Half of me was expecting to see a little tent pitched in the middle of the meadow, but it was completely empty. I walked back to the house and went into Bella's room. Wherever she was, she had Masen with her, along with a lot of her clothes. She didn't take her laptop or her IPod.

I pulled out my cellphone and tried calling her again. Her voicemail was full.

"Damn it…" I whispered. I figured she was okay. Bella was perfectly capable of taking care of herself now. I just had no idea how long she was planning on staying away, she took a lot of her stuff with her and it scared me.

I went back to my house feeling completely defeated. I had to be missing something. My mom smiled at me as I started back up the stairs.

I decided to start unpacking and hoped something would come to me. I had all my clothes put away except for my extra uniform. I made my way to my closet and set it on the top shelf, but as I pulled away something caught my eye. A single piece of paper was barely visible, hanging over the edge of the shelf. I instantly recognized it as one of Bella's little notes. I guess I hadn't found them all.

I pulled it from the shelf and sat down on my bed as I read it.

_Whenever I have a really bad day I think back to our weekend at the cabin. It's the one place I can always feel you, even if you aren't here with me. _

"Mom!" I yelled. I jumped up and ran down the stairs. "Mom! When you saw Bella where were you?"

"Just some old diner. On 20 I think," she shrugged and laughed. "Why?"

I smiled and kissed her cheek. "I know where she is." We passed that diner on the way to the cabin.

"Good for you honey! Go get her!" She yelled as I darted out the door.

I couldn't drive fast enough. I was surprised I didn't get pulled over, although I think dating the Commissioner's daughter might have given me a freebie or two.

I pulled into the driveway and slowed as I approached the cabin. My heart started pounding when I saw her truck sitting outside. The hood over the engine was propped up like someone was working on it.

I parked and turned the car off, taking a deep breath before I stepped outside. I was instantly met by a string of profanities coming from the front of the truck. I didn't mind. It was my favorite sound in the world.

"Stupid piece of shit!" She hadn't heard me. She was too absorbed with verbally assaulting her truck. She slammed the hood down and started towards the house.

I took a deep breath before I spoke. "Hey beautiful."

**Bella**

As soon as I heard his voice, I thought I was dead. It was the only logical explanation. I was working on my truck and the hood must have fallen on me. Charlie was going to be pissed.

I winced and slowly turned towards the voice. There he was, just as beautiful as the last time I saw him. I should have known he'd be an angel.

I took a tentative step forward and then another and another. He smiled at me as I reached out to him, cautiously touching my fingers lightly to his face.

"Am I in Heaven?" I whispered, a slight smile forming on my lips.

"No. You're in Washington," he answered.

"What?"

He took my hand from his face and placed it on his chest, right over his heart. I could feel it beating beneath his shirt. It took me a moment to realize what that actually meant. His heart was beating. He was alive.

All of the air completely rushed out of my lungs as I tried to speak. Nothing came out the way I wanted it to. It was a mess of mumbled words and slurred sentences.

"I don't…I don't understand. They told me…" I tried to hold back my tears. "They…told me…" I stammered.

"They were wrong." He shook his head. "I made my girl a promise."

I collapsed into his arms, needing to feel his warmth around me.

"I told them," I cried into his shirt. "Nobody believed me that you weren't really gone. But I knew. I knew there was a reason it felt so wrong to let you go."

He leaned down and placed soft kisses on my neck.

"I love you," he whispered.

I sniffled and pulled his face to mine. I couldn't wait another minute to kiss him. I felt like my entire body was on fire.

"I love you," I mumbled against his lips. "I love you so much." I pulled back so I could look into his eyes. "I missed these…" I laughed. I ran my fingers softly underneath his eyes. He took my hand and placed set kisses along my knuckles and down my fingers. My lingered on my left hand, where his ring sat on my third finger. I didn't know if he was mad that I had it or not. I knew he was supposed to give it to me.

"Looks good on you," he said.

I crashed my lips against his, sucking roughly on his bottom lip. He groaned and settled his hands on my hips, pulling me closer to him.

He instantly scooped me up into his arms and carried me inside.

"I want to make love to you Bella…" he murmured. "I've never wanted anything so much in my life." He started towards the bedroom as I threw my shirt on the ground. His hands grazed over my chest as he laid me down on the bed. I didn't notice Masen had jumped up beside us until he started nudging Edward's shoulder. "Masen…" Edward said. "Go away…" He gently tried to push him away as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Masen trudged away and placed himself in the chair in the corner.

"You kept me alive baby…" he dipped his fingers below the hem of my pants and quickly worked them down. He broke away from me for an instant to discard the rest of his clothes.

It made my heart ache to see all the cuts, scrapes and bruises that littered his body, but I tried to remember that he was safe now. He was with me.

"I'm never letting you go again," I said as I pulled him down to me.

"I don't think that'll be a problem…because I'm never letting you go either. Ever." He slowly inched his hips towards mine and I arched forward to meet him. His hands fisted the sheets beside my head, turning and twisting them into a mess.

I ran my fingers through his hair as he started grinding his hips against mine. My weight shifted and I forced him onto his back as I straddled his waist. He palmed the middle of my chest and felt down my stomach, finally resting his hand where our bodies connected.

I whimpered in response to his touch and pulled his body up to mine. My knees instinctively wrapped around him as I lifted myself closer.

His breathing became ragged as he guided my hips, holding them firmly enough to stake his claim. As if he really needed that, I was already permanently marked by him.

"Are you almost there?" He asked.

"I'm there." I cried out as a shudder ripped through my entire body. I laughed and rested my head lightly on his shoulder as he followed close behind me.

He gently laid us both back and I crawled onto his chest. I rested my chin on his skin and gazed up at his face. He was probably going to get tired of me looking at him all the time, but after you think you're never going to see it again it just kind of happens.

"Baby what happened to you?" I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair. "When you were over there? Where did you go?"

"I…I don't really know." I could tell he was hesitating telling me. It was going to be hard, I knew that. But I had to know. I wasn't going to let him keep it inside like last time. It would only fester and tear him apart again.

"Edward you can tell me."

He sighed. "I was out on patrol one night and we got ambushed. I managed to get away from the burning truck, but they were waiting." He grabbed my hand. "They knocked me out and uh…took me somewhere. There were others too. When I escaped I took three others with me and only one survived. A girl. Her name is Sidney and she's engaged. I'm sure all the others probably had people waiting on them too and that makes me really, really sad that I couldn't save them too. I wouldn't want anyone in the world to miss out on this." He caressed my cheek. "God you're beautiful." He leaned forward and kissed me. "Can I have the ring back?"

"What?" I pulled back.

"The ring. I'd like it back." He nodded towards my hand.

"Why?"

He narrowed his eyes. I nodded, my heart full of sadness, as I pulled it gently off my finger and handed it to him. He crawled out of bed and walked around to my side before kneeling down on the floor.

"Isabella Marie Swan. I love you. I've come close to death enough that I can't imagine spending one more second of my life without you. You saved me baby. And I would be honored if you would be my wife." He presented the ring to me and shrugged his shoulders. "I just wanted to give it to you myself," he smirked.

I smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Is that a yes?"

"You know you didn't even have to ask. You already know I'm yours."

"I know but I wanted to," he said. He smiled and slid the ring back onto my finger. He jumped back into bed with me and glanced over at Masen. "I think he's mad at me."

"Well you didn't brush him off. He was just excited to see you."

"I was a little preoccupied," he laughed. "Masen?" He called.

Masen perked his little head up and looked our way. He lingered for a moment, almost like he was deciding whether or not he was going to give in. He finally did and pranced over to us, jumping up on the bed and settling on Edward's chest.

"Hey buddy," Edward said, brushing down Masen's back. "I missed you."

"Everything's as it should be," I whispered, watching them play.

"As it should be," Edward echoed. He placed a soft kiss on the top of my head as we all drifted off to sleep.

We made love three times that night and slept late the next morning. I didn't really have a ton of food in the cabin, but I managed to scrape up some breakfast for us.

"So you think you're ready to go home today?" Edward asked, taking a bite of his toast.

"I'll go wherever you go. You're home to me." I lifted my legs onto his lap.

"I think your dad misses you."

"He's going to be so mad."

"I think he'll just be happy you're alright. I think that's all most parents want for their kids."

Edward got up and cleaned up from breakfast. We started packing up all our things. It took a long time for me to find everything. Somehow one of my shirts had found its way to the shower and another was in the kitchen cabinet. I guess I wasn't the most conscientious person when I was grieving, but not many people are.

We had to take Edward's car because my truck had mysteriously crapped out on me a few days ago. He said we could send a tow truck for it.

I was a little nervous to face Charlie, but I hoped that he would understand. It made me feel a little better that Edward was going to be there with me.

I took a deep breath and walked up to our front door. Edward turned the knob and pulled me inside.

"Charlie?" He called. "We're home!"

I heard his footsteps in his office and I tensed up.

"Bells?" He asked as he entered the living room. He sighed when he saw me. "Thank God you're okay."

I smiled and jogged over to him.

"I'm sorry Dad," I said as I threw my arms around him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay honey. I'm just glad you're home." He rubbed my back.

"Edward found me." I shrugged as I pulled away. "He saved me."

"He has a way of doing that it seems…" Charlie said. "Is there something you want to tell me?" He nodded down at my hand.

I smiled and held up my ring finger. "We're getting married."

"I figured." He crossed his arms and sighed. "Well congratulations and all that." He shuffled off into his office mumbling something about florists, photographers and money.

I turned towards Edward and smiled. "Hey hubby…" I pulled on his shirt and bit down on my lip. "Will you take a walk with me?"

"Always."

I took his hand and led him outside and towards the woods. We passed his old house and I couldn't help but think of all the things we went through. Most people wouldn't believe it if I told them all the shit we'd experienced. The most unbelievable thing to me was that we made it out alive. And maybe the whole point of this whole thing was that. We'd survived it all and we were better because of it. I was better because of it. Because of him. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I'd never really believed it until now. I'd always thought it left you broken and hurt beyond repair. I thought love would always betray you and he proved me wrong.

So I made a promise to myself right then to live stronger, love stronger for the rest of my life. And that's exactly what I would do.

**A/N: Another reminder. There is an epilogue coming!**


	43. Epilogue: Ever After

**Bella**

"Well did she say what it was about?" Alice asked. I tapped my finger anxiously as I pulled into the parking lot.

"No. She just said it was important."

"You're probably getting fired," she teased.

"Shut up. I am not getting fired. I don't think…" My chest tightened a little at the thought, even though it was farfetched. Her response to my work lately had been nothing but positive, so I couldn't imagine why they had any reason to fire me. Unless they found out about that time with Edward and me in the copy room. He surprised me and I was feeling particularly stressed because of a deadline, what did they expect me to do? Or maybe it was about the transcript I'd given her. I know she was just a magazine editor, but I liked to think we were friends and she offered anyway. Oh God. She hated it. She hated it and now she was firing me because she finally sees how crappy of a writer I am.

"Remember that time you forgot to see me off at the airport…" she said, her smile almost coming through the phone. It was her little thing that she held above me whenever I got snippy with her. I'd never live that crap down and that little shit was going to make sure of it.

"Yeah, yeah…" I sighed as I nervously played with my ring.

"Listen B, do not worry one bit. I've read everything you've ever written more than once and it's amazing. Even if they don't want you I'm sure you could find another magazine that would."

"Okay. I've gotta go, I'll call you later."

I said goodbye and took a deep breath before I got out of my car. I couldn't lose this job, I mean Edward made good money at his job, really good money, but I still couldn't lose this. It wasn't just about the money. It didn't start out about money and I was thankful it hadn't changed the past few years either. It all started with an onion.

It was only about six months after the wedding. Edward was working late and I decided to make him something special for dinner. I was about halfway through the recipe when I realized I didn't have the onion it called for so I headed to the store. I made it through the store and the checkout all right, but something caught my eye as I walked out.

To my left, beside the carts, was a large bulletin board plastered with want ads and pictures of animals that needed homes. The one piece of paper that caught my eye was bright red. The words along the top advertised a new writing class at the community college.

I bit down on my bottom lip as I read over all the details. It was once a week, taught by a well-known professor and guaranteed to improve your writing. It wasn't an actual college course so I wouldn't have to apply or anything. Just pay the fee and I was in.

I had never realized how therapeutic writing was until after everything Edward and I had been through. I fought through the embarrassment and actually talked to him about it, remembering all the times I'd written to him or about him in letters or in those stupid little notes I'd left him. The next day I found a brand new journal and a red rose sitting next to the bed. I started scribbling little things down and pretty soon I had the entire journal full.

I smiled and took one of the forms for the class, tucking it inside my purse. Edward was ecstatic when I told him and encouraged me to take the class. I was still pretty lost as to what I was going to do for the rest of my life, besides be married to him. I needed something, even if it was just temporary.

I filled out the form and mailed it in the next day, along with my check for the fee. A month later I sat nervously in a classroom, biting on the eraser of my pencil.

A short, stocky man walked in a few minutes later and smiled.

"First one huh?" He asked, looking around the otherwise empty classroom. I guess I'd gotten a little anxious and came too early.

"Yeah."

"There's always one." He set his stuff down on the desk so I assumed he must be the teacher. "I'm Harry Clearwater, but you can call me Harry. I'll be teaching the course."

"I'm Bella."

"Nice to meet you Bella."

I smiled and looked back down at my notebook as the other students started filing in. It was quite an eclectic group of people, young and old. A few of the younger guys kept staring at me until they realized I wore a ring on my finger. I smiled, proudly taken.

"Hey guys, we're going to go ahead and get started. I'm Harry, I'll be your…instructor for the course." He laughed.

Harry seemed like one of those cool professors, like he was more of a friend than a superior. I kind of got that vibe when he told me to call him by his first name, but as the first class went on it became more apparent. He wasn't afraid to snap back at snide comments from the students, or call anyone out on their shit. If this was what college was actually like I might have to look into actually enrolling.

"Now I had you all prepare a sample of writing for the class. I'd like to meet with all of you individually to go over it and what you expect and I expect as your goals for this course. I won't be necessarily evaluating you; I just want to see where you're all coming from. I don't do a lot of group work, unless you would like to. We'll do a little peer editing, because I think it's important to bounce ideas off one another, but I think of writing as a very personal experience. Sharing your work with someone, especially a stranger is terrifying and I know that. You're exposing the very deepest, most vulnerable part of you. And I think that's something that you need to work through."

He picked up a clipboard from his desk and I suddenly grew really anxious. The only people who've ever read any of my writing were Edward and Alice. The thought of someone else seeing that side of me was terrifying, just like Harry had said. And I realized I didn't have to wait as long as I used to in school if his list was in alphabetical order. I silently curse Edward for not having a last name that started with a "Z."

I was the third one on the list. He called my name with a smile and my shaky fingers grasped onto my notebook as I made my way up to his desk.

"Have a seat." He patted the chair next to him.

I took a seat and swallowed hard, almost ready to run for the door. I knew that a writing course would probably at some point or another involve someone else looking at my writing, but I guess I didn't prepare very well.

"So before you show me anything, I want to ask you just one question." He smiled. "Why did you take this class?"

"I uh…umm. I saw the ad at the grocery store and my husband thought I should do it."

"Okay that tells me how you got here, but why did you take this class?"

I thought a moment and let his question really process in my head.

"I was…pretty messed up when I was growing up. I met my husband when I was seventeen, under some pretty odd circumstances and through everything we'd gone through I started writing. I didn't realize how much it healed me and how good it felt to get everything I was feeling out on paper until after everything was over. And I guess I just wanted to do something for me." I fidgeted with my hands. "Just for me."

He crossed his arms and grinned. "Good. Now let's see what we're working with." He reached for my notebook and I sighed in relief.

He took his time reading through my entry. He didn't really tell us what to write about or give us any specifics so I wrote about the first time I got high. It was a turning point in my life. It might have been a bad turning point, but it was one nonetheless. And it was something that was oddly important to me, because if I hadn't gone through all that shit I probably wouldn't have met Edward.

Harry gently closed my notebook when he was done and looked up at me.

"This was from personal experience?"

I nodded quickly. "Is that bad?"

"No, no it's very good. Like I said writing is a very personal experience. Its only normal to stick to what we know right?" He handed my notebook back to me. "Your writing is very good Bella. I think you'll do well in this course."

I headed back to my seat and he finished going through the rest of the class. When he finished he set his clipboard down on his desk and stood.

"Okay." He clapped his hands together. "We're done for the day. I want to talk a little bit about your assignment for next week. I want you to think about the most significant event in your life. It may be something big or something small, but the only requirement is it must be significant to you." He pointed out towards us. "I want you to write this idea down in one word. Now I'm sure a lot of you might be confused or excited by the prospect of having such a small assignment, but it's harder than you think to limit your words. You can always bullshit more if you need to but taking away that part of yourself that's written on the page? Excruciating. Let me reiterate how important this subject will be. You will be working with it for the remainder of our classes. Now get outta here."

He turned back to his desk and the group started dispersing. I gathered up my things and started outside. As soon as I brushed through the front door of the building, someone ran up beside me.

"Hi." It was one of the boys from my class. Apparently he missed the memo, unlike the others.

"Hi." I smiled, not wanting to be rude.

"I'm Royce." He extended his hand.

"Bella."

"That's a beautiful name. I guess it doesn't surprise me. It suits you."

I rolled my eyes at his attempts to flirt and kept walking.

"Listen," he said, catching up to me again. "Would you like to go out sometime?"

I stopped and turned towards him, almost feeling sorry for how clueless he was.

"Roy?"

"It's Royce actually…" he stammered.

"Whatever. Listen Roy, I'm married." I held up my left hand and flashed my ring at him.

"No shit?" He asked, stunned.

"No shit. And that guy over there." I nodded to my right. "That's my husband." I turned and smiled.

Edward stood outside of his car, his arms draped over the top, looking like sex on legs. I could tell by his stare that he didn't like the company I was keeping and I knew Royce could too.

"Bye," I smiled. I started skipping towards Edward, who lit up as soon as I was beside him.

"Hey baby," he purred.

I jumped up into his arms and pressed my lips to his. I started to pull away, but he held my face to his and spun me around, pressing me tight against the car. His fingers roamed down my sides and rested roughly on my hips as he forced his tongue between my lips

He finally pulled away and I fought to regain my bearings.

"What was that for?" I asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I need to have a reason to kiss my wife?" He kinked his eyebrow.

"No, but it was just a litte…unexpected."

"Well I just wanted to." He nuzzled into my neck as I wrapped my arms around him. "And plus I wanted to make sure that dick knew you were taken. Really…really taken." He kissed my shoulder and I saw Royce walking away out of the corner of my eye. He looked pissed.

"Speaking of taken…when are you taking me to bed?" I said softly.

"Right now. Get in the car." He released me and smacked my ass as I skipped around to the other side and got in.

He started the car and zoomed out of the parking lot. "How was your first class?" He reached over and took my hand.

"It was good. I really like the teacher; he's really laid back. Said my writing was good."

"Well I already knew that," Edward laughed as he sped home.

I sat at my desk later that night after Edward had gone to sleep, thinking about the most significant event in my life. I drifted past several things that were seemingly obvious. Wedding…proposal...graduation. After an hour or so I started to realize that every event I came up with just didn't seem like enough. They also had one thing in common and I almost laughed at myself wondering why it took me so long to realize it. I scribbled down my word on the piece of paper and tucked it away for the next class.

A week later I sat smiling in class, the first one again. Harry walked in and said hello before everyone else got here. Royce skillfully avoided my gaze as he walked in and sat the farthest he could away from me, like he thought Edward was going to jump through the window and pummel his ass.

Harry started the same way he did last week, calling us each up one by one. I wasn't as nervous as I was last time, because I knew without a doubt that I'd picked the right thing to write about.

"So Bella. What did you come up with?"

I handed him my notebook and waited.

"Edward," he read.

"My husband."

"Ahh..,.gotcha." His brow furrowed and I suddenly wasn't so confident. "Listen Bella, I know that boyfriends and husbands are significant events in peoples lives, I get that. But I usually discourage most people from writing about them because of this. They usually end up writing more about that person and spend no time talking about themselves. And this is one time I want you to talk about yourself," he smiled and handed the notebook back.

I took a deep breath and composed myself. "No offense Harry, but I can already tell you we're different than most people. And I can't write about myself without writing about Edward because he's apart of me. When he first met me I was a complete mess. My dad hired…"

He held up his hand, effectively silencing me. I felt like I might cower under his gaze, but I sat tall and waited for him to speak.

"I don't want to hear about it…" he said. I was a little taken back by his harsh words. "I want to read about it." He smiled. "Go get started."

My heart fluttered a little and I started back to my desk. I sat looking at a blank page for a few minutes, wondering where to start. There was just so much and I didn't want to leave anything out. And then I realized that the best place to start was in fact the beginning. And so I did.

Over the next two months I wrote our story and filled an entire stack of notebooks. They were full of chicken scratches and long sentences and paragraphs crossed out. Harry guided me a long the way and was always there if I had any questions or needed to bounce some ideas off him. It wasn't even close to finished, but I thought it was something to be proud of and something good for Harry to read. I brought in my entire stack the last day of class, granting strange looks from the other students who probably barely filled half a notebook.

Harry just smiled as I turned it in and said he'd be in touch to schedule a meeting after he'd read it. He called three weeks later and asked to meet me at the coffee shop downtown.

He waved me over when I got there, my stack of notebooks on top of his table. I ordered a latte and sat down beside him.

"Bella you have an amazing story here." He smiled. "Besides the fact that it was well written technically, it was raw and emotional and so honest. I think that's what's lacking a lot in people's writing today. They refuse to be honest with themselves and you've been brutally honest about the things that have happened in your life. Just…excellent. Has he read it?"

"Uh. No. He doesn't really know about it. I mean he knows I'm taking the class and have to write for it and everything, but I kind of refused to let him see what I was working on just in case it sucked. I mean it's our story I didn't want to show him if I was just going to fuck it up," I said quickly. Edward had been a little irritated when I wouldn't let him see what I was working on, especially when I'd been so open with him about my writing before. He tried to sneak a peek a few times before just letting me be.

"Well you didn't fuck it up." He smiled and slid the notebooks back towards me. "Have you ever thought about going to college? I mean actually going?"

"Not seriously. I mean I applied and got accepted back in high school but I didn't go." I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's something to think about. I think you'd do well majoring in something like English." He got up from the table. "It was a pleasure reading your work Bella. Good luck. And you should think about finishing that story." He nodded to my notebooks and left.

I started filling out college applications the next day. I would be starting a semester later than everyone else, but I didn't really care. I started out majoring in English, like Harry had suggested, but somewhere along the way shifted to journalism. It was a different style of writing than I was used to, but it was still writing. In the back of my head I knew I wanted to keep going with our story, but didn't have much time to work on it with school and the part time job and other things.

I sped through my first year of college, granting enough credits to be done in another year and a half. Even after I took a year off to deal with an…unexpected situation, I finished right on time. I graduated at twenty-two and somehow miraculously found a job at a pretty decent magazine writing an advice column. I know it sounds weird that I should be giving advice to people, but after everything I'd been through I think I had some good experiences to go on. My editor, Kate, had been a little hesitant to hire someone so young for such an assignment, but she decided to take a chance.

I've been there for a little less than two years now and started seriously working on mine and Edward's story again about a year ago. I was sure Kate was going to fire me a few months ago when she saw me working on it at work. In all fairness I had already completed everything I needed to do ahead of schedule and I was literally on the last page of the story. I was too close not to finish it. She insisted that I show her what I was working on and after reading a page or two she asked if she could read it when I was finished.

After I typed the last word I let out a huge sigh. I don't think it was necessarily one of relief, maybe accomplishment. This story was one of the most emotionally trying things I'd gone through and that was saying a lot. Sure it was just putting words on paper, but it was so much more than that. I was reliving every single thing we'd been through and I was sharing that with someone, even if it was just a blank sheet of paper. I smiled and scrolled back up to the first page, creating a bit of space at the beginning. I typed up a little something and hit save before printing it out. It was so many pages I had to replace the ink cartridge towards the end.

I finished way after everyone had gone home and slid the manuscript in Kate's box. That was four months ago and she hadn't said a word about it, which made me even more nervous about this damn meeting I was about to walk into.

I took a deep breath and knocked on Kate's door.

"Come in," she called.

I planted a smile on my face and walked in, trying to exude confidence. I was surprised to find another woman sitting in Kate's office with her. I didn't recognize her, but she stood and extended her hand to me.

"Bella, I'm Maggie. It's so nice to meet you."

"You too." I sat down beside her and turned towards Kate.

"You're probably wondering why you're here Bella…" Kate started. I swallowed hard and started tapping my fingers on my legs. My eyes drifted down to her desk and I saw that she was holding my manuscript. "I started reading it the day I received it and could not put it down. It was amazing Bella. Your best work."

I sat there stunned, trying to form words. This wasn't what I was expecting.

"Now I realize that was months ago, but I haven't just been sitting on it. I gave it to my cousin Maggie and she agrees."

Maggie turned towards me and cleared her throat. "Bella I work for a publishing company in Seattle and we'd like to publish your book."

"I'm sorry?" I stuttered.

"We want to publish it." She smiled.

My eyes darted between Maggie and Kate as I tried to digest the information. They wanted to publish my book. My book. They were going to publish it.

"What do you think?" Kate asked.

"Yes," I said, tears forming in my eyes. I never imagined that this would happen, but it was something I poured my heart and soul into. I was honored that they thought other people would want to read it.

"Now I know it's getting close to dinner time and it's a Friday, but I'd love to hash out some of the details with you and get some paperwork signed so we can get this rolling right away. Would you be available?"

"Yeah I just have to call my husband and let him know I'll be awhile."

"Great. Go ahead and take a few minutes." She nodded towards the door and I slipped out and dialed home.

"Hello?" Edward answered.

"Hey."

"Are you done with your meeting already?"

"No. Actually it's going to run pretty late. Are you guys okay?" I asked, glancing at the clock.

"Yeah we'll be good. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I smiled. I didn't want to tell him yet until I knew all the details. And I had a feeling this wasn't a phone conversation. He didn't even really know that I was writing this and now they were going to publish it. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

"Alright. I love you."

"I love you too."

I hung up and composed myself again before I went back in. They'd surprisingly already drawn up the paperwork. I guess Kate had known that I would say yes. They went over all the technical details in the contract, like my payment and what I'd receive if the book did well. It also outlined that I may be approached at some point to do another book, but until I was released from my contract with Maggie's publishing company they were the only ones I could write for. Maggie insisted that I take it to a lawyer and have them read it over if I'd be more comfortable, but I didn't see anything I didn't like. She said if I change my mind in the next three days I could cancel the contract with no penalty. It was even a point towards the end.

"Alright Bella. If you're ready, you can sign at the line here." Maggie pointed at the bottom of the paper.

I took a deep breath and a pen from Kate's desk before signing my name and the date.

"Congratulations Bella. Let's get this published." Maggie smiled as Kate pulled a bottle of champagne from behind her desk. She popped the cork off and it spurted a little as she poured it into three glasses. I laughed and took mine, clinking it with theirs before I took a sip.

After having a celebratory glass of champagne they handed me my worn manuscript and I started home, excited to tell Edward the news. Alice called on the way home and I couldn't not tell her. I mean it was Alice; she was going to get it out of me one way or another.

"So remember back when I took that writing class?" I asked.

"Yep," she said anxiously.

"Well I sort of wrote our story, mine and Edward's and I kind of continued with it after the class ended…"

"Uh huh…"

"And my boss read it and had her cousin read it and they're going to publish it," I said quickly, waiting for her reaction.

I pulled the phone away as she screamed into my ear.

"You're going to be famous. My best friend is going to be a famous author. Maybe they'll make it into a movie. Who would play you? Who would play Edward? Oh my God who would play me? I'm in it right?"

"Yes you're in it," I laughed.

"Have you told Edward yet?" She asked.

"Just about to," I said as I pulled into our driveway. I could see the soft light coming through our living room window and his shadow moving slowly behind it. "I'll call you tomorrow." I hung up and started towards the house.

I smiled and opened the door, kicking my shoes off and setting my purse on the floor.

"Look who's home?" Edward said. "Lizzy, Mommy's home." He adjusted our child on his shoulder and she slowly raised her head. He walked over to me and kissed me. "I tried to get her to go to bed, but she wouldn't go without you here. And I know exactly where she gets her stubbornness from," he teased.

I smiled and reached for her as she reached for me. I took her into my arms and smoothed her curly, copper hair over her head. "Hey baby girl…" I whispered. She fisted my shirt and nestled into my chest.

"How was your meeting?" Edward kissed me again.

"It was good."

"Wa-wa," Lizzy said.

I started towards the kitchen and got her some water before starting towards her room. She was half asleep by the time I laid her down so I knew she wouldn't have any problem once I was gone. I kissed her forehead and turned on the monitor before closing her door and heading back downstairs.

Edward had already turned everything off and was in our room watching television. I could hear him moving around behind the door. I shuffled over to my purse, tripping along some toys along the way, and grabbed my manuscript.

"Is she asleep?" Edward asked as I walked into our room. He was sprawled out on the bed flipping through the channels.

"Yep." I slipped off my uncomfortable dress clothes until I was only in a black bra and panties before starting towards him. I kept the manuscript in my hands as I crawled into bed and settled myself on his lap.

"Hi," he smiled.

"Hi." I bent down and kissed him, taking his bottom lip and sinking my teeth gently into his skin. He groaned and slightly pushed his hips up to mine.

"Edward," I mumbled against his lips.

"Yeah?" He pulled back and rested his head lightly against the headboard.

"I have something I want to show you."

**Edward**

"Babe I have a meeting with my boss…" Bella said as she hopped across the room, trying to put some clothes on. "You're going to have to take her or ask Emmett, I'm sorry."

"Yeah no problem. Is everything okay?"

"I hope so." She shrugged but I could tell she was nervous.

The baby monitor started wailing and I offered to get her. I knew Lizzy wouldn't take a long nap since she'd slept so well last night. I kissed Bella as I passed and headed towards the baby's room.

"I'm here…" I whispered as I entered her room. She was standing up in her crib looking pissed that I'd made her wait for so long.

"I want Cheweeohs," she mumbled. I picked her up and started towards the kitchen because she was hungry. Halfway through her bowl of Cheerios, Bella shuffled into the kitchen.

"I've gotta go." She kissed Lizzy and me quickly before rushing out the door.

"Okay kid, I've got to teach a class in about an hour. Do you think you can be a good girl for Daddy today?" I leaned down and she threw a Cheerio at me. "That's what I thought."

She finished her Cheerios and I packed her a day bag before getting ready for work. I was lucky enough that I could actually take her to work if I absolutely needed to. I know they didn't necessarily like it, but they allowed it.

Once we were on our way I called Emmett to ask him if he could come get her in an hour or so. There's no way she was going to sit through one two-hour class and another hour class. She happened to be even more curious and fidgety than a normal three year old and it didn't help when we needed her to keep still for a little bit.

I parked in my usual spot and gathered everything from the car before heading inside. I stopped into Captain Webber's office before my class just to say hello. He looked up from his work and smiled as we walked in.

"I see we have the pleasure of having little Lizzy today," he said.

"Yeah sorry. Bella had a work meeting." I smiled apologetically.

"It's no problem at all. How's everything been going? Is the class treating you alright?"

"Yeah they're great."

It was a little weird being back here as a teacher, but there is no other place I'd rather be. Even though I'd been discharged, I couldn't have gone back into active duty if I wanted to. The injury to my leg prevented that and still gave me some pain every now and then. I shuffled through a few odd jobs the first few years Bella and I were married, but when we found out the little one was coming I knew that I needed something a little more permanent. It was a happy coincidence that they were looking for someone to teach here.

My responsibilities included covering the different strategies and different weapons we used with new recruits and answered any questions they might have. They were a group of little shitheads, but they seemed to really want to learn about it.

"I should get going." I nodded and started towards the door. "Have a good day Captain."

"You too Edward," he answered. "Bye bye Lizzy."

She turned around towards him and waved. "Bye bye."

I went to my classroom and got Lizzy situated before everyone started coming in. They were semi-used to having her around every now and then so it wasn't a huge surprise that she was here.

"Alright settle down everyone." I tapped my foot as I waited for the computer and projector to warm up. Lizzy made it about a half hour, which was longer than usual.

"Daddy!" She screamed.

I tried to keep going, just to get through this slide.

"Daddy!" She called again. There was a low rumble of laughter through the group. "Daddy!"

I sighed and turned towards her. "Yes Lisabeth?"

"Hi!" She waved and laughed at herself.

"Hi." I turned around and continued on with what I was saying. Thankfully Emmett showed up fifteen minutes later to take her because I knew she was starting to get antsy.

"Emmie!" Lizzy reached up for him as soon as she saw his face.

"Everyone take a five minute break." I flipped on the light and quickly packed up her things. Emmett bent down and picked her up, throwing her onto his shoulders. "Thanks for taking her Em." I set the bag in his arms.

"No problem. Have you talked to Jazz lately?"

"Yeah he's just working his way right up." I laughed. If anyone ever questioned that Jasper was born to be a solider, they were being severely proven wrong. He hadn't been in the thick of things in awhile, but he sure was going right up in the rankings. I knew he'd be making a career out of it. Alice wasn't too happy about it, but I think she was just happy he wasn't really in the field anymore. He did more behind the scenes things and worked close with a lot of the highest-ranking people.

Emmett was more than happy to be done when his time was up. He lived across town with Rose and they were planning to get married next fall. It took them long enough. I never thought Bella and I would be married with a kid before they were.

"I'll be over to get her in a few hours." I leaned over and kissed Lizzy on the cheek before they left.

The rest of my classes went smoothly, like usual. I think most of the students liked that I was closer to their age than some of the older guys who teach here.

I packed up my things and started over to Rose and Emmett's around five. Bella should be home soon. She might even beat us back; I can't imagine that her meeting could have taken more than an hour.

I hated to admit that I was a little worried about it. I knew Bella was one of the hardest working people at that magazine, but I think I was nervous because she was nervous. It was just not a regular occurrence for her to have a meeting this late. Most of them were in the morning before work. We had our schedules very tightly coordinated. I purposely scheduled my classes later so I could be home with Lizzy all day while Bella was at work. She went in an hour earlier than everyone else so she could leave early everyday. It wasn't perfect, but it was all we could manage right now. Neither of us really wanted a nanny being with her all day, we wanted it to be one of us or family. We got a babysitter now and then to go out at night, but that was it. Charlie and Emmett and Rose were really good about taking her, but they had lives too.

Bella called as soon as we stepped in the door. I put Lizzy down and reached in my back pocket to grab my phone. She said that she was going to be a little longer, but she didn't sound upset. She actually sounded kind of excited. Maybe she was getting promoted or something.

I fed Lizzy some dinner while I ate leftovers from yesterday. That kid loved food and she could eat like no other. I was surprised she wasn't one of those four hundred pound three year olds.

"Pway…" Lizzy clapped her hands together and pointed to the living room.

I smiled and put our dishes in the sink before picking her up and carrying her out to the living room.

As soon as I set her down she wobbled over to the corner and pulled out her mini-toy piano. When she first got it, Bella and I almost regretted buying it for her because she loved it so fucking much. But all it took was one smile from that little girl and I begged Bella not to take it back. My kid was going to be a piano prodigy, I could already tell.

She dinged her way up and down the different colored keys, completely concentrating as if it was the most important thing in the world. Her brow furrowed with intense focus as she pulled her hand back and slammed it back down for a dramatic last note. She turned around towards me and smiled, waiting for her applause.

"Bravo!" I clapped.

She laughed and scurried towards me. I scooped her up into my arms and we watched television for a little while, but I could tell she was getting sleepy. I glanced up at the clock, wondering why the hell it was taking Bella so long. It was after seven.

"Okay Lizzy let's go get ready for bed." I set her down and started towards her room, knowing that she'd follow me.

"Where's Momma?" She asked.

"She'll be home soon."

I grabbed her pajamas from her room and took her to the bathroom so she could get her bath and be ready for bed. As I slipped her into her pajamas I kept looking towards the door, expecting Bella to walk through. She was starting to worry me.

I tried to put Lizzy down but she refused. As soon as I left the room she'd cry and cry, insisting that she wait for Bella to get home. I picked her up and carried her out into the living room to watch television with me, knowing that she'd be out before the first commercial even aired.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw headlights in the driveway. Bella stepped inside a minute later and set her things down on the floor.

I handed Lizzy over to her and gave her a kiss, knowing that she would want to put her to bed right away. I turned everything off and headed towards our bedroom, resuming what I was watching in there instead. I was exhausted and I didn't think I would stay awake much longer. I loved that little girl but she was very talented at draining every last bit of energy that I had.

Bella came in a few minutes later, carrying something in her hands. She set it down in the chair and started getting undressed. I tried to focus on the screen, but my eyes kept peeking at her. It was amazing to me how my desire for her, that intense burning I felt deep inside, never went away. Of course we went through a honeymoon phase, a fairly long one, which resulted in Lizzy. It wasn't something we planned but I've never been so happy about our little oops. Bella freaked out a little bit about becoming a mother so young, she wasn't sure if we were ready. I told her that after everything we've been through I think we could tackle parenthood.

She got really sick the first trimester and I did my best to be there for her. She never complained, which to be honest was really unlike her. I loved her, but she did love to bitch about things.

Once she popped and started experiencing the…joys of pregnancy she lightened her class load and eventually put school on hold. She'd have to for a while after the baby was born anyway. I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful than Bella being pregnant. Even though she thought she looked like a beached whale, her words not mine, I found myself just staring at her more than usual. The pregnancy had added a softness and a glow to her that rivaled nothing. My heart melted every time she cradled her full belly.

She was miserable the last few weeks and we tried everything to induce labor, and I mean everything. Renee came up and stayed with us, so someone could be with Bella while I was at work. I was so afraid it was going to happen and I wasn't going to be there, so when she woke me up in the middle of the night saying that her water broke I was ecstatic. And terrified. I'd been there through the whole pregnancy, but it didn't hit me until that exact moment that I was going to be a father.

I didn't realize I had zoned out until Renee tapped my back.

"Edward. We have to get her to the hospital," she nodded.

"O-o-okay," I whispered. I tried to get my feet to move but I was frozen. I was going to be a father. Everything was going to change. I was used to being responsible for other people, but this was different. This was my little person. This was a part of Bella. This was my whole life.

"Babe…" Bella winced and hobbled over to me. "I need you to breathe. Just breathe." She took my hands and took a few deep breaths with me. "Now if you don't move your ass so I can get some pain meds, I'm going to use you as my stress reliever and you're not going to like it. Alright?"

"Okay." I blinked a few times and looked down at her.

"We're having a baby…" she whispered, her eyes welling with tears.

"I love you." I bent down and kissed her.

"I love you too."

"I love you both. Now let's go!" Renee called from the living room. I grabbed Bella's bag that she'd packed two weeks ago and headed out the door.

Renee drove while I sat in the back seat with Bella, rubbing her back. She doubled over and let out a scream of pain.

"What? What's going on? Is she okay?" I stuttered, looking up at Renee completely panicked.

"She's in labor Edward," Renee laughed. "I'm not trying to be gross, but I just need you to imagine what is happening and is going to happen to her body the next few hours…"

As soon as she said that I doubled over along with Bella, frightening images running through my head.

"Oh my God…baby I'm so sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry." I started freaking out when I realized how much pain she was going to have to go through.

Bella took my hand and squeezed hard as she turned her head towards me. "We can do this Edward. I just need you with me okay?" She grimaced and squeezed harder.

"Okay." I leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Okay I'm here." I started rubbing her back again.

When we got to the hospital I ran inside and told them my wife was in labor. A nurse followed me out to the car with a wheel chair and I helped Bella into it. Charlie was already waiting when we got there and Carlisle and Esme told me to call them with any news.

"How far apart are the contractions?" The doctor asked as soon as we were inside.

"A little over four minutes I think…" Bella answered.

"Okay I'd like to do an examination to see how far along you are, but I think we'll be here for awhile guys." He smiled and prepped Bella for her exam. Renee stepped outside and the doctor confirmed his suspicions that she wasn't that far along yet. The guy came in to give her the epidural and then all we had to do was wait. I called Alice and Jasper to let them know and Emmett and Rose eventually migrated up to the hospital.

Alice was devastated that she wasn't there and I heard her tell Jasper to start the car. Her and Bella were nuts if they thought they could handle being away from each other at a time like this. It would take them hours to get here, but from the sounds of it we might have just that.

I felt so helpless just sitting there and watching her endure the pain. I would run and get her ice chips or rub her back or help her walk around a little if she wanted, but I didn't know what else to do.

My jaw dropped to the floor when Alice and Jasper rushed in later that night. I guess it really didn't surprise me that much that they'd actually driven the whole way, but I'd been in a fucking hospital all day with a pregnant wife so I was a little out of it.

"B!" Alice cried as she ran into the room.

"Al!"

Alice sat on the edge of Bella's bed and they clung to each other crying and laughing.

"Congrats man," Jasper said as she shook my hand.

"Thanks." I nodded and sat back down in my chair.

After the hours and hours of waiting I had no idea why we had rushed to get to the damn hospital. Bella eventually fell asleep. I knew she was exhausted and she hadn't even started pushing yet. Alice and Jasper were out in the waiting room taking a nap and Rose and Emmett had migrated down to the café to get something to eat. Renee was sleeping in the bed beside Bella and that left me alone with Charlie.

"I just want to let you know Edward….I'm really proud of you and Bella," he mumbled.

"Thanks. I'm not sure how to do this." I shook my head. "I mean I have no idea how to be a good father. How did you know?"

He laughed a little. "I didn't. You don't ever know Edward, it just happens. You two are going to make mistakes. God knows I made mistakes. You know I made mistakes."

"I think I understand now why you did what you did though." I hadn't even met the baby yet but I would easily kill for them and wouldn't even hesitate to go to extremes to ensure they were safe. Now I could actually see things through Charlie's eyes and from this point of view he wasn't so crazy.

Bella shot straight up in her bed, clutching at her stomach.

"What is it?" I rushed to her side and brushed her hair out of her face.

"I think it's time. I feel like I need to push…" She grabbed my arm and started screaming in pain.

"We'll go get the doctor…" Charlie and Renee rushed out of the room, holding onto one another.

The doctor rushed back in and smiled when he told us she was ready. A few nurses came in and started preparing things all around us.

"Okay Bella…I need you to push during your next contraction okay?" He nodded.

"Okay." She turned her head towards me and the look in her eyes made me want to cry. She was terrified.

"This is it Bella. You can do it. I'm so proud of you," I whispered into her ear. She clenched my hand and I knew she was getting another contraction. "Okay push."

I wanted to keep her as calm as possible so I just whispered how much I loved her and how good she was doing.

Ten minutes later a smaller, squeakier cry broke through the room.

"Congratulations…It's a girl." The doctor held up a pink little thing and I realized she was finally here.

Bella fell back against the bed and started crying as a huge smile spread across her face. The doctor handed me a pair of scissors and instructed me where to cut the cord. I could barely do it my hands were shaking so much. I couldn't take my eyes off of the beautiful pair of brown eyes staring up at me. They were just like Bella's.

I went back to sit beside Bella and gave her a kiss as they wrapped up the baby and made sure she was all right. The nurse smiled and brought her back over to us, placing her in Bella's arms.

"Oh my God…" She whispered, looking down at her. "I didn't think it was possible to love someone you've only just met."

I kissed the side of her head and smiled. "I did."

Three years later here we were.

Bella sauntered over to the bed and settled herself on my lap, still holding that thing. It looked like a huge bundle of papers and I couldn't imagine what it was.

"I have something I want to show you…" She fidgeted with the bundle in her lap. "Remember when I took that writing class, before I went to college?"

I nodded.

"And we had that project that I refused to let you read?"

I laughed and nodded again, remembering how much that drove me crazy.

"Well this is it. I didn't want you to see it until it was done and until I was happy with it. But I want you to see it now."

She handed me the stack of papers and I read over the few words on the front page.

_Code of Conduct by Isabella Cullen_

"You wrote a book?" I stuttered.

She smiled and nodded. "I want you to read it."

I fingered over the first page and turned it, revealing another short paragraph of writing.

_For Edward. Thank you for being the most significant event in my life. I love you._

I tried to hold back the tears as I turned the page again and started reading. She didn't just write a book, she wrote our book. She took our entire story and put it down on paper. Every feeling, every betrayal, every kiss. She didn't leave anything out and wasn't ashamed of anything she'd done. I was in complete awe of how beautiful her writing was.

She sat and watched me for a while as I flipped through the pages, but even she eventually fell asleep. I had thought I was tired, but it completely vanished once I started reading. I was fascinated.

I read the entire thing that night. I finished close to five in the morning and let the papers fall flat on my chest. I turned towards Bella and brushed my lips over her sleeping eyes before drifting off myself.

When I woke up I instantly knew that she wasn't beside me. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room. It was almost noon. I shot out of bed, the bundle of pages hitting my legs with a thud.

"Did you hate it?" Bella asked from the corner of the room. She sat in the chair, her knees pulled to her chest.

"No. I loved it. Thank you."

She smiled and crawled over to the bed. "Good." She pressed her lips against mine. "Because they're publishing it."

"They're what?"

"They're publishing my book."

I smiled and threw the pages down on the floor as I pushed her down on the bed. "Where's Lizzy?" I asked, planting kisses down her jaw.

"With Charlie for the day," she laughed.

I growled and ran my hands along her ribs and towards the bottom of her shirt. I dipped them underneath and started roaming up, expecting to find the fabric of her bra. There was nothing but Bella.

"You're not wearing a bra…" I murmured against her skin.

"You want to know a secret?" She purred into my ear. "I'm not wearing any underwear either."

"Bad Mommy…" I removed one hand from under her shirt and quickly dipped it below the hemline of her sweatpants. "I don't think you should be allowed to wear any at all…"

"Yes Sir," she whispered.

She whimpered and arched her body to meet my fingers.

I worked slow and deliberate, loving the sounds escaping from her lips, before I slipped her pants off. She tugged furiously at the waistband of my boxers, willing them to join hers on the floor.

I hissed as my skin hit hers and gripped onto her hips, rubbing circles across her hipbones.

"Edward," she breathed, biting down on her lip. Her hands ran furiously down her thighs in frustration.

I smirked and leaned down close to her, pressing our chests flush against one another. "Yes love?"

"I want you now."

"Right now?" I teased.

"Yes." She closed her eyes and forced her hips up, trying to take control.

I grabbed her wrists and forced her arms above her head. "Here?" I grazed my nose lightly down the skin of her arms, back and forth as she whined.

She struggled against my hold, making her body move and contort beautifully.

"You are so beautiful…" I pressed my forehead against hers and briefly brushed my lips against hers before bringing my hips to hers, silencing her pleas.

She grabbed hold of the headboard as it rocked back and forth with my movements. I scooted up on my knees as I brought her legs up over my shoulders, never breaking contact.

We knew each other well enough to realize when we were about to break.

"Fuck," I moaned a moment before she screamed out. I held her hips to me as my other hand ran up the middle of her stomach, across her chest and up to her face. I ran my finger across her lips and felt her ragged breath against my skin. I smiled and leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, forcing my tongue to hers through her parted lips.

I laid myself down beside her and pulled her to my chest, relishing the feel of her against me.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I really the most significant event in your life?" I ran my fingers through her hair. She turned her face so her chin rested on my chest and smiled.

"Edward you saved my life, literally and figuratively." She shook her head. "You loved me…unconditionally even when I thought I was unlovable. You fought for me. You knew what was best for me, even when I had no idea. You asked me to spend the rest of my life with you. You gave me Lizzy. And most of all you gave me you. Pretty much everything I have and everything I am in my life is because of you." She leaned forward and kissed me.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. I could say every single thing she said to me back to her and it would be just as true. I started to realize that my life could be described in two different ways. Before Bella and after. I barely even recognize myself before her. She was easily my most significant event. And honestly I think that's what love should be. If it's not the most important and significant thing in your world, then what the hell are you doing? It couldn't have been anyone else, it had to be her. It had to be her with her never-ending need to argue, and her stubborn attitude of always having to be right. It had to be her with her feisty personality. Whether I agreed with what she was doing or not, she did it with so much passion in her eyes. Even when I was angry with her, it had to be her. Always…always her. For the rest of my life.

**A/N: This was the longest chapter I have ever written and I think I realized that it because I didn't want it to end. In all honesty I had gone through this entire story with a plan for the epilogue but when I sat down to write it I knew it wasn't right so I just kind of winged it and I couldn't be more happy with it.**

**First and foremost, thank you, thank you, thank you to every single one of you who has read, reviewed, favorited, alerted, recommended, retweeted, blogged and anything else I missed. I never, ever expected this story to be as successful as it was and it means a lot to me because I put a lot into it. Special thanks to my prereader and big pimper secamimom. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my shit. It may seem like something little, but it makes me breathe a little easier. I would also like to say thank you to RoseArcadia and gossip_bangkok who both did some amazing things for this story. You are both amazing. Thank you to my B. Davis, LZTZ for her amazing reviews and the holder of the other half of my BFF necklace smyers09 for being you. Another thank you to everyone on twitter, thank you for all your support of this story. Now you can all recommend it to your friends who only read completed stories. **

**Another huge, ginormous hello and thank you to our men and women in the service around the world, as well as their families who sacrifice for us. I didn't know much about the military when I started this story, but I learned so much and not even about just technical things. I tried to imagine how I would feel if I were in Bella's situation or Edward's situation or their families and it gave me more perspective on what these people go through everyday. I'm so heartbroken and inspired by you guys and I hope that this story did you justice and paid tribute to your sacrifice.**

**I have a few housecleaning things to cover, so if you aren't really interested in anything after this epilogue then you can skip it, I won't be offended.**

**So if you have not heard I will be taking a hiatus, not necessarily from writing, but just from posting for the summer so I can focus most of my energy on my internship, which is going great by the way. I have 6, yes 6 stories floating around in my head, some of which I've posted a little of and some of which I've kept to myself or shared with only a few people. I will continue to work on these behind the scenes over the summer and will start posting ones again in the fall. If you'd like a preview, check out the first chapters of Secret Life and The Mat on , or check out www(dot)gamesetmatchfanfiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com for a teaser of that story. If you are interested in reading any of my other work please make sure to either add me on author alert or follow me on Twitter (MandyLeigh010). My tweets are locked but I will accept you, just protecting myself from my mother who has now realized that I have a twitter haha. **

**Back to CoC. you probably noticed that I left some things out of this epilogue, like their wedding, or when they find out about the pregnancy ect. I wanted to highlight some of the things that have happened in their life but I also wanted to leave some things for you to create for now. I also wanted to use them as a possibility for outtakes for author auctions or something like that in the future. **

**I think that's it…maybe. Thanks again everyone. **


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